Their Purpose 3
by AbovetheCloudsandDreaming
Summary: Ellie and Joel's bond is stronger than ever. However, horrors from the past come back to haunt them as they attempt to live a normal life. Can their relationship withstand the forces of the universe which try to pull them apart? How far are they willing to go for each other? This is part three of the Their Purpose series and starts about one month after my second story ends.
1. Truth in Fear

**AN: Well, why hello there everyone. I want to thank all of you for clicking on this story and thank those who chose to read my previous two as well. This is the third installment of the _Their Purpose_ series. I am going to experiment a bit in terms of my writing style... but I don't want to make it drastically different from the other two and thus make this feel like it doesn't belong. However, I am trying to improve as a writer, so I've got to at least give some things a shot, right? I went back to edit and clean up some of my previous chapters from parts one and two and... well - I felt a tad embarrassed to say the least. I really am an inexperienced writer, so I really appreciate those who've given me positive feedback (it always makes me smile and feel good) and those who've given me negative, but constructive feedback (always makes me better). I'm so happy from the number of positive reviews I received in part two, especially after the last few chapters, all of them meant a lot to me. I tried to personally respond to what I could, and I'm sorry if I didn't get back to some of you. But again, thank you everyone! The support from each and every one of you is much appreciated. Anyway, I finally made up my mind about writing a third one and I've decided I will indeed do it. As such, I bring you this, _Their Purpose 3._**

 **This picks up a month after the ending of _Their Purpose 2_. I have the general idea and premise in mind for this story in terms of where I want to take it. There will be some darker themes I will be exploring in this one compared to the other two, just an F.Y.I. Like in my first two, the bond between Ellie and Joel, which is now stronger than ever (read my second story for some more context if you wish) will obviously be a major part of the story. The deep, emotional, co-dependent relationship and attachment (almost to an unhealthy point) between the two will primarily be the driving force here. I just love these two characters, and their father/daughter bond which formed during the game really touched me, so like my first two, that will be the root cause for many things that will happen here. Enough of my pointless rambling - let's go!**

 _ **Again, I do not take credit for any of the characters from The Last of Us as they are the property of Naughty Dog.**_

* * *

"Hhhhuuuhhhhh!"

Ellie shoots straight up from her pillow, gasping for air, panting and covered in sweat. A warm breeze trickles through the window, rustling the curtains as it gusts into the room. She can feel it lightly kiss her perspiring skin.

 _Oh god - oh fuck - oh fuck... it was just a dream - calm down Ellie - you're okay - everything's fine... wait - it's November... why is it warm? Why is it so warm!? It's not supposed to be warm - it's supposed to be cold and... oh god - these aren't my sheets - these aren't my fucking sheets - mine are white not red - no, no, no - this isn't right._

Her adrenal glands go to work as she begins to panic, her heart pounds away in her chest. She frantically brings both hands to her face, anxiously touching her cheeks, nose and mouth as her brain tries to comprehend the current situation, making every effort to determine if this is real. She can feel the dampness of her bangs across her forehead, a product of her panicked sweating. Her nerves can't resist any longer. Total and complete, unabated fear consumes her and she begins hyperventilating as her eyes dart around the room.

 _Oh no - no, no, no - where am I? This isn't right - this isn't fucking right - this isn't my room. Wait - Joel! Where - where is he!? Where's Joel! Joel - please, please I need you! Please still be here - don't leave me - oh fuck, fuck, fuck - no, no, no - he left me didn't he - I know he did. He fucking left me - oh god - he never loved me - he never fucking loved me - he never did... No! No, no! But he promised he would never leave me - he promised - he fucking promised! He told me he loved me - I know he does! Where is he - oh god Joel - please I need you!_

"Joel!" she yells as she sits up in her bed.

There is nothing, no response, not a single sound echos throughout the house. The only thing she can hear is the furious pounding of her heart behind her rib cage and the flapping of the curtains in the soft breeze rushing through the window.

 _Ohhhhh fuck - fucking god no - he's really gone... no he can't be!_

"Joel!" she stammers even louder than before.

Again, no response. Nothing. She is utterly, horrifically, and dreadfully, _alone_.

She squeals and lets out a terrified peep as she scrambles backwards, pressing her back against the headboard and bringing her knees to her chest. She wraps her arms around her legs and clenches her eyes shut, imploring herself to wake up from what she's sure is simply another dream.

Her eyes snap open, only for her to painfully realize she is still here, nowhere else.

She begins punching herself in the leg, trying to force her mind to reel itself back to reality and wake up from this nightmare. Her jabs are light and slow at first, but quickly turn to violent swings as her fists of stone rapidly thud into her thighs, hoping the harder she hits the sooner she will wake.

 _Wake up - wake up - wake up. Fucking wake up!_

It is no use.

Her arms and knuckles are sore and she is out of energy, completely spent. Her chest convulsively expands and contracts as her short, rapid breaths increase in frequency due to her panicked state. She can feel the heat of her breath against her knees through her over-sized sweat pants, so hot it's as if she's spewing fire straight from her lungs. She bites onto the sleeve of her flannel, _his_ flannel. She always sleeps in it, ever since she finally migrated to her own room. Its scent, _his_ scent, is always soothing and gives her peace. She hopes it will wake her, rescuing her from her night terror.

It doesn't.

Her mind makes one, last, desperate attempt to assure her that everything will be okay.

 _He has to be here - I know he is - he loves me - he would never leave me - he promised - I know he's here!_

"Joel! Joel! Joel! Dad! Daddy!" she screams.

Nothing.

Silence. Denial. Rejection. _Abandonment_.

Her eyes begin to water and she can feel an onslaught of tears quickly approaching.

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck - ohhhh god no - he did leave - he's really gone - oh god he's fucking gone - he fucking left me - I'm alone - no, no, no - why would he leave me - what did I do - why did he leave me like this - oh god no!_

She presses her forehead against her wrist and begins to weep. Tears drip from her eyelids onto her shirt as she simply curls into a tiny ball and cries. Suddenly, a sound, from down the hallway in what she thinks is Joel's bedroom, catches her attention. Her crying immediately ceases and her head perks up as she strains to listen for the mysterious noise once more. She hears it again and her eyes widen. It is quiet, but just loud enough for her to know its origin is from the room down the hall. Despite quivering and shaking in fear, it lures her out of bed. She slowly places her feet on the floor and wraps her arms around her elbows. Her lips tremble in terror and her eyes continue to water in despair as she sheepishly leaves her bedroom.

While tiptoeing down the hallway, the ambient temperature plummets, falling to below freezing and she begins to shiver. Her breaths remain quick and shallow and she can see them leave her lips into the brisk, cold air. The closer she gets, the colder it gets. Goosebumps rise on the entire surface of her skin and the sharp, freezing air stings the insides of her lungs. Each step she takes across the old and stained hardwood floor causes the ominous sound to get louder and louder, more distinct.

 _Shink - shink - shink - shink._

 _What the fuck is - oh no... oh god please no - I know that sound - oh fuck, fuck, fuck - don't let it be - it can't be - it can't be - he's dead - I fucking killed him - that motherfucker - he's dead - he can't come back - he can't fucking come back! No! No!_

Her brain urges her to silently pass by the room then sprint for her life downstairs and out the front door, but she can't. Her heart wills her otherwise, as if an invisible force is now wrapped around her waist, pulling her towards the doorway. She has to see for herself. She's beyond the point of no return and quietly pushes the door open. It slowly swivels to the left, creaking every inch of the way and exposing the gruesome scene that taints the room.

Lying before her is Joel, sprawled out on his bed facing the ceiling. His eyes are empty, void of life and his limbs are dismembered, grotesquely sitting in a pile on the floor. Standing on each side are two figures, one male, one female. They both turn around and acknowledge Ellie's unwelcome presence. Michelle and David, with their eyes gouged from their sockets, simply stare and slowly walk towards her, cleavers in their hands.

 _No! No! No! Fucking god no! Oh god please - oh no - he's gone forever - he's fucking gone forever and now I'm alone with... with them - I'm so alone - forever - he's gone - I'll never see him again - I'll never be in his arms again - oh god - no, no, no - Joel please come back! I need you! I fucking need you! Please!_

Her breathing intensifies even more. She can barely get out each breath, feeling as if she's suffocating. Her throat clenches shut, and as the two people who terrify her the most creep closer and closer, she stands there, paralyzed in fear, unable to move. She's shivering from the freezing cold, her arms squeeze tighter around her elbows as she tries to encase herself in a protective space.

It's of no use.

She can feel her bones cracking, to the point of shattering to bits from the biting cold and terror that fills her. Her level of panic increases and her heart is on the verge of bursting from her chest.

"No! Joel! Get up! Fucking get up! Don't leave me! You promised you'd never leave me - you fucking promised! Please don't go! Get up! Please!" she stammers and screams in a terrified frenzy.

His limp body gives no response as his mouth lies agape, blood and drool dripping down his chin.

"It's alright Ellie - everything's gonna be just fine," David whispers as he reaches for her arm.

She can't move. She won't move. She refuses to move. She simply stares at Joel's corpse as tears run down her cheeks. David's sickly touch afflicts the skin on her arm. In an instant, she can feel her cells under the surface dying and withering away. The sight of Joel's lifeless body eliminates all of her will to live, to keep David away, to _fight_.

Her _purpose_ is gone.

With an empty gaze towards Joel's body, she mindlessly reaches for David's wrist and rips it forward, plunging his cleaver into her stomach. It hurts, but also doesn't at the same time. She crumbles to her knees as blood pours from her torso, keeping her eyes locked onto her father's body as she collapses to the floor.

Soon, she will be with him. Soon, she _won't_ be _alone_.

* * *

"Ellie! Ellie! Ellie!" Joel shouted as he tried to pull Ellie from her nightmare.

She was violently flailing her limbs, twisting and turning her head as she screamed and thrashed about. He tried to carefully grab her head, hoping it would keep her from writhing around in mental anguish and thus wake her up. It was no use. Nothing he did worked. Her dream state had a death grip on her conscience, refusing to let her mind go.

"Christ sake girl - wake up! C'mon Ellie it's just a dream! You're just dreamin' honey wake up! Ellie!" he implored once more as he tried to gently corral her convulsing, little body.

Finally, her eyelids fluttered open. Her pupils were dilated to the size of the moon in the night sky and he watched her eyeballs dance in their sockets as she frantically tried to reel herself back to reality. A wet, flap of hair stuck to her cheek from the profuse amount of sweat that was escaping from her pores. Her diaphragm repeatedly shot up and down in a violent manner as she gasped for air through her panicked and panted breaths.

Her eyes locked in on his. Like always, he was her anchor, her rock and foundation. And his paternal gaze, which towered above her, immediately eased away the panic that previously had a viscous hold on her mind and body.

"Ellie - honey - look, look - it's me - it's just me. You're okay - just a dream - just a dream," he soothed as he gently held her skinny, little forearms.

Her lips trembled and she let out a whimper as her eyes began to water, thus yanking on his heart. He'd only ever seen her this terrified once before, and that was last winter.

"Oh no - baby - c'mere sweetie - c'mere - I've gotcha," he said, concern and care palpable in his voice.

After letting out a scared, little peep of fright, signifying her yearning for his comfort, he slid both hands behind her back and pulled her to his chest, resting her chin on his shoulder. She nuzzled into his neck and clutched her arms around him as she let out a horrific sob. He caressed the back of her head and gently pressed an arm against her back, feeling her tiny, bony shoulder blades beneath it. After engulfing her in his embrace, he kissed her on the cheek and simply let her cry in his arms as he tried to calm her.

"Shh baby - it's okay - it's okay. It's okay now."

Minutes went by and no matter how much he tried to soothe her, she wouldn't stop crying. Each time he thought it was over, another round of heart wrenching sobs were emitted from her little, quivering frame. He felt her pressing her nose harder into his neck as she tried to get as close to him as possible.

"Honey - it's _okay_ \- I'm here - shh," he said, this time with more desperation.

He tried to gently lift her away so he could see her face, but she only tightened her grasp around him, refusing to let him peel her off.

 _Goddammit Joel she's fallin' to pieces in your arms - do somethin' - fix it - fuckin' fix it!_

Instead, he squeezed her tighter and pressed his lips into her hair as he closed his eyes. He began rubbing her shoulders and gently rocked back and forth while softly singing, hoping it would eventually calm her down.

She closed her eyes, concentrated on his voice and simply tried to sync her breathing with his. She could feel the deep, reverberations of his chest vibrate against hers while he serenaded her. It was a relaxing sensation and slowly but surely, her crying finally waned to muffled whimpers and sniffles.

He let out a deep breath and kissed her once again on the cheek.

"That's it - there she is - there's my baby girl - that's it - shh - it's okay - we're fine - I'm here," he calmly soothed.

Finally, she opened her lips and spoke.

"You - you died... I saw you - you were dead and - and you were gone... forever. It felt like... it felt like I was dying and I... I actually wanted to - I wanted to fucking die." She could barely force the words through her trembling lips.

Joel's eyes widened in shock from the short, but dark description of her nightmare. Though he felt exactly the same way about her, it was unknown to him that she thought along the same lines. The extreme level of co-dependence between them was higher than it ever had been. Especially now that they'd confessed how much they meant to one another. The statement he made a month ago, the morning after they finally said the three words they wanted to hear for so long, was undeniably true.

 _Wherever I go, you go. Wherever you go, I go._

He felt a lump form in his throat as he tried to voice his response. The thought of her small self lying dead on the floor sent a shiver down his spine. Losing her forever, to him, was the worst possible thought imaginable, even worse than his own death.

"Baby - I'm here - I'm still here an' I ain't leavin' ya - I ain't dead - see baby girl? Look - see?" he said, while finally able to gently lift her head from his shoulder.

He slowly moved his large, callused hand in front of her mouth and gently rested a finger on her lips.

"Go on - see for yourself - bite my hand - I'm still here - this is real - I'm really here," he said with a smile and a lighter tone in his voice.

It managed to pull a short, tiny, muffled laugh out of her and she gently latched her little teeth onto the side of his hand.

"See sweetie? I'm real - this one ain't a dream - I'm here an' I'll always be here - no matter what."

He felt a tear drip from her lips onto his hand as she maintained the grasp of her light and playful bite.

Her nightmares were becoming all too common and were increasing in intensity. Ever since she migrated out of his room three weeks ago and thus forcing her to sleep alone, her brain refused to give her a peaceful night's sleep. Deep, dark circles were forming under her eyes as restful, uninterrupted sleep was becoming foreign and rare at best. However, she refused to give in. She would only return back to his room if it was on his accord. Though, secretly, she prayed he would mention it, giving her the opportunity to pounce on his suggestion without a second thought.

He started to slowly pull away, hoping she was now calm enough to fall back asleep on her own.

"You okay now? Think ya can get back to sleep?"

The grasp of her teeth on his hand loosened as she gave way to a slight frown and looked him in the eyes. The endearing look tugged on his heart, just as her little hand tugged on his sleeve, begging him to bring her with him.

 _You won't make her feel bad if you just fuckin' say it - Christ - you know she wants to come with you - she needs you like you need her. Look at how goddamn exhausted she is - poor thing hasn't had a good night's sleep in weeks - just scoop her up and take her with you._

"Alright baby - c'mere sweetie - here we go," he said as he reached both hands beneath her armpits to lift her up.

Her frown inverted and she let out a sniffle as she wiped her eyes with her sleeve.

"You - you don't mind?" she sheepishly asked before he picked her up.

 _Mind? Hell - 'course I don't mind - I sleep better with you at my side anyway._

"Ya serious? You _know_ I don't mind - reckon I sleep best when my baby girl's next to me anyway," he responded with a wink and a smirk.

His response sent a tickle of warmth through her nerves and her smile widened. She reached out both hands, eager to latch onto his shirt.

He lifted her up and placed her chin on the back of his shoulder while holding her by the bottom of her thighs as her calves and feet dangled just below his waist, like a parent would hold a small child. He gently held the back of her head, keeping a forearm pressed against her shoulder blades to keep her propped up and cuddled against him.

She wrapped both arms around his neck, closed her eyes and took a deep breath, feeling him envelop her little frame. The tension in her body finally eased away, knowing she would now be snuggled with him for the duration of the night, giving her, and frankly him, the necessary comfort for a much needed, restful sleep.

 _Jesus - you're still so goddamn small - weigh nothin' - I stopped carryin' Sarah like this once she turned ten. Somethin' has to be wrong - you ain't growin' like I thought... that's it - I'm takin' ya to the H.C tomorrow - make sure everything's alright. It's gotta be your immunity - or... somethin' - it has to be._

After carefully peeling the comforter back, he gently laid her in the bed and pulled it over her. He leaned down, kissed her on the forehead then softly and tenderly ran his knuckles across her cheek.

"I'll be right back okay?" he whispered as he began to pull away.

She let out a nervous squeak and wrapped a hand around his fingers as her desire to cling to his side, no matter what, fully exposed itself.

 _Holy shit - nightmare really messed her up - ain't seen her like this since... Michelle._

The thought of that woman caused him to grit his teeth in anger, but he quickly suppressed it, not wanting to frighten her.

"Shh - it's okay, it's okay - I'm just goin' to the bathroom - I'll be right back - I promise," he quietly reassured, leaning back down and gently brushing her hair.

As he walked into the hallway, she anxiously watched his every step. Even though she knew he was returning soon and would only be gone for a minute at most, dread and panic crept into her mind and her heart started to race once again. She nervously scanned the dark room that encased her, and her imagination began to run amok. She felt as if Michelle or David lurked in her blind spots, waiting to jump out and attack her, or worse, attack _him_ when he came back. Their presence in her dream seemed to linger in the air, keeping her on constant edge until his calming aura returned.

She lifted her head from the pillow and propped herself up on her elbows. "Joel!?" she nervously shouted, hoping to hear him immediately respond.

"Yep! I'm here - I'm still here - I'm comin' - I'm comin'!" he bellowed from the bathroom.

His voice chased away the adrenaline that was trickling into her veins.

He lightly jogged back to the bedroom and immediately felt her eyes lock onto him as he came through the doorway. He watched her anxiously slide and scoot her way over to his side of the mattress then reach her small hand into the air, begging for him to come join her. As he hastily eased himself into the sheets and shifted towards her, she let out another nervous peep as she clambered to get close to him.

"Shh - shh - I'm here baby - it's okay, it's okay - I'm here - you've got me here for good sweetie - I'm here," he soothed as he leaned over to pull her into his arms and brush the sweaty, lock of hair behind her ear.

Within seconds, she wiggled up against him and laid her head on his chest then stretched an arm over him, resting her hand on his neck. He wrapped his arm, which lay beneath her, up and around her back and placed his hand over her shoulder then felt her nuzzle into his shirt. He tightened his grasp and pulled her in closer then kissed her hair, causing her to let out a relaxing, deep breath as her mouth gave way to a smile. Feeling him tenderly hold her tight triggered the familiar sensation of butterflies in her stomach and she could finally, for the first time in weeks, have a peaceful sleep.

Their presence and warmth brought each other comfort and solace, like they always had. She was safe. He was safe.

 _Why the hell do we even bother tryin' to sleep apart? Reckon neither of us can get a good rest when we do - the hell we tryin' to prove?_

She gently rubbed her cheek on his shirt, tickling the side of his face with the tip of her pony tail, causing him to smile and lightly laugh.

"What?" she softly asked.

"Your hair - ticklin' me again."

She let out a muffled snicker.

"Thing has a mind of its own - but it's just trying to be friendly - I promise," she slowly but playfully mumbled in her tired and exhausted tone.

"That a fact?" he said as he tilted his head to look down at her.

"Mmhmm," she responded with a slight nod of the head, sliding her cheek up and down against his shirt.

She could feel him squeeze his arm around her even tighter after her response, causing her to affectionately curl her fingers around the collar of his shirt.

"Man - you always were a good pillow... I... I missed this - I always sleep better here," she quietly muttered after another tension releasing exhale, letting her vulnerability show.

He let out a deep breath of his own then finally responded. "Reckon I did too... I did too."

A quiet lull fell between them and they simply listened to each other's breathing and the autumn wind outside while Joel gently stroked her hair. Just before the weight of their eyelids overtook them, he showered her with one last demonstration of paternal affection.

"My. Little. Baby," he softly cooed as he pressed his lips to her hair, giving her a kiss after each word.

Her nightmare immediately faded to the back of her mind and her muscles completely gave into the warm combination of his embrace and the comforter. She was snuggled in her favorite place, the safest place, and she felt as if nothing could harm her here, absolutely nothing. Just as she always thought, as long as he was by her side, no dream, no demon, no tragedy was too daunting to overcome. The two of them could conquer the worst of the worst, together.

But the closer and closer she got to him and the more emotionally attached they became to each other, the more afraid she was of losing him. The more she loved him and the more he loved her, the more petrified she became of the thought of him being gone, and thus, ending up alone. At this point, the thought of losing the other terrified both of them to the core, more so than it ever had. They _needed_ each other, like they always did. The chains of co-dependence which had them bound and wrapped up with one another were so strong, that if they were to suddenly ever snap and break, both of them would simply acquiesce to the sorrow of the other's absence and profusely bleed out until they were dead.

"Sleep tight baby girl - I love you," he whispered.

Those last three words caused a massive grin to stretch across her lips. They chased away all lingering fear and doubt leftover from her nightmare. He would always love her, forever, no matter what.

They were loved. They weren't alone.

They were safe and in _their_ _home_. For now.


	2. Unexpected Expectations

**AN: Okay, moving along here. Just a short disclaimer... I am not a biologist or a doctor whatsoever. Therefore, if I have made a serious, logical error in terms of "connecting the dots" in this chapter then I apologize in advance for that. I'm one-hundred percent sure there will be some people who just straight up and flat out disagree with what will be explained in the content below. That's fine and I would totally understand, but for this story, I plead and hope that you will be able to accept it as canon going forward. Thank you again everyone!**

* * *

It was a brisk, autumn afternoon and the ground all throughout Jackson was covered in a red, orange and yellow glow. Leaves and pine needles now littered the road through town as fall was in full swing. The previous night's slumber was the best either Joel or Ellie had slept in weeks, both of them relishing snuggling with the other.

Unbeknownst to Ellie, Joel asked Tommy for the day off from their construction duties so he could take her to the health center. After carefully sneaking out of bed early in the morning so as not to wake her, he tiptoed downstairs and spoke with Maria about who to see and who they could trust with their situation. It was early in the afternoon and Joel and Ellie walked side by side as they made their way through town.

"Joel - do we really have to fucking do this?" Ellie asked with a complaining moan behind her voice.

"Ellie - c'mon, we already talked about this - I - "

"I know - but - ugh - I... I don't want to. We've been fine so far - even during that entire year on the road - dealing with shit way worse than anything around here. Do we _really_ have to?" she pleaded, finishing with a slight, humorous snicker.

 _Besides, you've taken care of me this whole time - why the fuck do we need a doctor all of a sudden?_

"Yes - I ain't backin' down on this one. I just... I reckon it's good to get a checkup every once in awhile - make sure everything's alright - ain't a big deal, 'kay?" Joel responded as he gently placed a hand on her small, bony shoulder.

His touch temporarily eased the nerves within her and untied the knot in her stomach. She hadn't seen a doctor in years and the thought of someone other than Joel being close and touching her caused her insides to churn. Suddenly, as if the two of them forgot where they were going, the large, double doors to the health center were now in clear view, surprising and catching them off guard. Ellie's nervousness resurfaced and a pit formed in her stomach. She stopped in her tracks and wrapped a hand around the opposite elbow as she usually does when at odds with a situation. Joel noticed her sudden absence by his side then stopped and turned around as a look of agitation came across his face.

"Ellie... don't make this difficult - I don't wanna do this either. Will ya just work with me here on this one? Please?" he asked with desperation in his voice as he raised his arms in the air.

As much as he loved her playful and at times rebellious personality, her feisty behavior would occasionally grate on him, especially during moments like these. Getting her to engage in something she had no interest in was always difficult and this was no exception.

She slightly opened her mouth and bit her tongue while letting out a sigh as she drooped her head. After anxiously fidgeting her fingers over her elbow, she crossed her arms and shifted her weight to one foot as a pensive look washed over her, reluctant to respond.

"Oh c'mon now - I know that look. Spit it out girl - go on - I know you got somethin' on your mind," he said with a smirk, towering before her with a hand on her shoulder.

His touch once again eased away the tension and nerves that gripped her.

 _How does he always, always fucking know? Well - I always know with him - guess it's the same._

"No - I don't wanna," she softly mumbled as she slowly raised her head to meet his eyes with hers.

Joel started playfully poking her, trying to pull out the truth.

"You ain't gettin' off that easy. Now c'mon - tell me kiddo - tell me - tell me baby girl! C'mon - tell me - tell me - I know you want to!" he jokingly said as he continued to poke and prod her.

She finally gave in, jolting backwards and swatting his hands away. However, she had a slight smile across her lips, unable to resist his attempt at lighthearted fun.

"Okay! Okay! Fucking god... fine," she said, finishing her admit of defeat with a muffled laugh.

She reached behind her head and adjusted her pony tail while letting out an exasperated sigh.

"Well - go on then," Joel implored, placing his hands on his hips.

"How can we trust them?" she bluntly asked.

"What you mean? Trust who?"

"The doctor - or whatever... whoever we're seeing - how can we trust them? I mean - what if they find out... you know - about this fucking thing?" she asked with a deadpan stare, pointing to the scar on her arm.

Joel sighed and scratched his beard.

"Look I... I talked with Maria 'bout it this mornin' - "

"So that's where you scampered off to huh? I knew you got up earlier than normal... leaving me," she said with a playful leer.

Joel rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah, yeah - ya caught me... anyway, Maria - she personally knows the doc here an' with my permission... I let Maria brief her on the uhh... situation."

Ellie took an aggressive step forward and shoved him. "You fucking what!?" she exclaimed.

"Ellie - it's okay, it's fine - just trust me on this," he calmly responded, gently placing a hand on her shoulder once again.

"But dad - why the fuck... why? That seems stupid and... unlike you - now everyone's gonna know!" she stammered.

"Sweetie - stop - no one's gonna find out. No one knows but Maria, Tommy an' Anne - an' it's gonna stay that way - I swear."

"Anne? Uhh... who the fuck is Anne?" she asked in confusion, the intensity of her tone lessening.

"She's the doc, an' she knows Maria personally - they've been real close friends for years. I had a chat with both of 'em - we can trust her - it'll be okay... have I ever steered my little girl wrong?" he responded with a smile.

 _Right. That's why he always knows - because he's fucking Joel. He always knows what I need... always - sometimes before I even do. Don't know how he does - but I love it._

Ellie sighed and relaxed her muscles as she looked up at him with an endearing expression.

"Tssht - a few times... but - "

"Oh really? A few times huh? Now when have I ever gone and done that? Reckon you can't even name one," he said with a playful nudge, interrupting her in the process.

She simply smiled back with a sheepish look, knowing she lied through her teeth.

 _Shit. He even saw through that - he does always know... always._

"Ugh! Fine - you're right! You never have... I fucking know," she blurted out, throwing both hands in the air.

Joel beamed with pride and a smile stretched across his lips.

"That's more like it. Now - ya trust me right?"

"Yes... always - I always do I just... still - why though? Why risk it? Why tell her? I thought you said this wasn't a big deal or some shit - just a check up, right?" she asked with worry as anxiety began to consume her again.

 _God - I feel ridiculous. I'm getting all nervous and scared from just a stupid doctor visit - ugh. He's hiding something though - there's something else going on here._

Joel sensed her sudden change in body language and reached up his palm to cup her cheek, then affectionately rubbed his thumb over the scar on her brow. His touch once again reminded her that, with him, she would always be safe and cared for. Her eyes met his and she tickled from the warmth emitting from his paternal gaze.

 _Don't pull away - please... I can't help it, but I can never stay pissed at him when he gets all caring and mushy - melts me._

"Baby girl - it _ain't_ a big deal but I just - " he softly cooed, but stopped as he dropped his head and let out a sigh.

"Just what?" she asked, reaching a hand up to his.

 _I hate it when he does this - he's making me nervous again - something's wrong._

"I worry... that's all Ellie - I just worry 'bout ya," he said, lifting his head and meeting her eyes again.

"Okay... worried about what? Why all of a sudden now? You've taken care of me so far - like you said - you've never steered me wrong."

"Ellie - honey... for Christ sake - look at ya. You're exhausted as hell - got bags under your eyes 'cause ya ain't sleepin' - an' last week ya goddamn passed out on me while we were workin' on the north tower an' I - "

"Well that's because I... never mind - it doesn't matter. I slept great last night! I'll just still sleep with you and... and it'll all be fine - right?" she immediately retorted.

 _Please don't say no - I can't sleep without you - I've finally accepted that._

"Of course baby, that's fine - you know I don't mind. Like I said... I sleep better that way too anyway."

 _Phew - thank god._

"It's more... you ain't... you ain't growin' like I thought ya would. You're still so... so goddamn tiny - an' I... I just wanna make sure everything's okay. Alright?"

 _Wait, what? I know it's only 'cause he cares but I thought we were past this._

Ellie's eyes began to crystallize and her voice started to crack.

"But I... I thought we just accepted that I would eventually grow and I thought... I thought we both sorta... liked it - 'cause, ya know... piggy back rides and shit. It wasn't a problem before, is there something wrong with it - wrong with me now?" she softly and diffidently asked as she wrapped a hand around her opposite elbow again.

A look of paternal care washed over Joel's face and he stepped closer to pull her into his arms.

"Hey, hey - no baby - no, no - not at all. C'mere sweetie - _not at all_. Okay?" he soothed.

 _How does he do it? He always knows what I need - every time._

He reached down and brushed the rebellious lock of hair behind her ear.

"Look - I just want ya to grow up to be healthy an' happy alright? That's all. Remember - I love ya an' I'm always on your side, always. Don't ya ever forget that."

Ellie looked up at him and nodded, her pony tail bouncing in conjunction with her affirmation.

"I know - but if that's all you're worried about... I mean - what the fuck do you think happens to a person who spends the first fourteen years of their life malnourished? I went for weeks - sometimes months without a real meal Joel - just barely getting by. I've been little my whole life and... how the hell do you think anyone would grow normally if they went to bed starving every night?" she said, her eyes beginning to water as she recalled the painful memories.

The thought of her falling asleep at night with a growling, empty stomach ached his heart. He hated thinking of her being in such discomfort and only wished he could go back in time to fix it. He grew up before the outbreak, when food was bountiful in the United States. Being malnourished as a child was entirely foreign to him and Tommy, but the current, broken state of the world once again reminded him of how hard her short life already had been.

"Honey, I know - I'm sorry... I wish I... god dammit," he softly growled to himself before giving her a peck on the forehead.

"I know," she mumbled.

"Still though - I feel like ya eat well now... an' hell - I reckon ya eat just as much as I do these days. You eat like a damn horse - yet ya still ain't growin'."

Ellie shrugged and looked up at him.

"Yeah I guess I do - never really thought about it but you're right."

"I only want what's best for you - best for my baby girl an'... I dunno - I just worry, that's all. I mean - is everything... ya know - workin' as intended down there? Still able to uhh - "

He paused and awkwardly ran a hand through his hair.

"Ya know - go to the bathroom regularly... like normal? Nothin' wrong with that whole business?"

Ellie blushed in embarrassment, but also slightly smiled knowing how forward he was being when it came to his paternal care.

"Yeah... everything's normal - nothing's changed there - pretty standard in that area," she responded timidly.

"Good," he said with a smile as he gently ran the side of his thumb down her cheek.

"Okay - cool, so... can we go back home now?" she asked.

 _Please say yes._

Joel let out a laugh then another sigh.

"Not yet - I told ya - I ain't backin' down on this one. I just wanna make sure you're doin' alright - okay? Will ya just please do this? If not for you, then for me?" he pleaded, lifting her chin with a finger.

 _Fuck. Fine. If it'll make you feel better - I'll do it... for you._

Ellie let out a big sigh and rolled her eyes.

"Sheesh - okay, okay... my god."

"There's my girl - it'll be alright - trust me."

"Okay but - "

"But what?"

"You're - you're not gonna leave right? You'll stay with me while I'm there the whole time... right?" she asked, looking up at him and grabbing his hand with hers.

"'Course - if you want me in the room with ya while Anne is doin' her thing - you got it - I ain't goin' anywhere," he responded with a smile as he gently rubbed her small fingers.

 _Thank god - I knew he wouldn't - I just like hearing him say it._

"'Kay - let's get this over with," she reluctantly said after a deep breath.

The two of them approached the entrance to the health center and Joel could feel Ellie's palms starting to nervously sweat. The closer they got to the doors, the stronger her grasp became as she gripped his hand tighter and tighter for comfort. Just before taking their first step inside, he stopped and looked down to ease the worry he sensed from the tightening grip on his hand.

"It's gonna be fine sweet pea - I swear. C'mon - we got this - gimme a five," he said, sticking out his other hand.

She obliged and smacked his palm with hers.

"Phew - okay. Yeah - we got this. Let's do it."

* * *

Ellie sat on the examination table anxiously swinging her legs back and forth while Joel stood adjacent to her, leaning against the wall. The room was small, but filled with various devices and medical equipment, all of which eventually drew Ellie's curiosity at some point. Everything she saw seemed alien and occasionally her eyes would widen in fear when her imagination would spin out of control while trying to comprehend a mysterious piece of equipment. However, Joel did his best to kept the conversation light, trying to ease her anxiety and nerves while they waited for Anne to join them.

"Hmm okay - what's that - the mallet looking thing?" Ellie asked, pointing to the small, triangular, rubber mallet that lay on the table across from her.

"I uhh... well - don't know the real term for it to be honest but it's for testin' your reflexes an' what not."

"Huh? What the hell - how?"

Joel snickered.

"So - Anne might use it - you'll see - but basically they tap ya on the knee an' your leg should just automatically kick up - without thinkin' 'bout it. Just means your reflexes are workin' right but - I ain't a doctor so I could be full of crap."

"Haha - what!? Really!? That's so weird... there's some strange shit in here," she exclaimed with a laugh.

Joel smiled and finally relaxed knowing that the tension, which previously engulfed her, was dissipating as she simply tried to make the best of the situation, despite her earlier protests. Suddenly, three knocks on the door drew their attention.

"C'mon in!" Joel shouted.

Ellie's heart rate increased and the temporary break from nervousness ceased.

 _Oh shit, oh shit - okay, okay... everything's cool. You got this Ellie - phew - you got this. Joel's here - everything's fine._

In came Anne with a clipboard and papers in hand. She had light, brown hair with hazel eyes and a fair complexion and appeared to be Joel's age, if not a few years older. Her smile was warming and she gave off a friendly feel. Something which immediately helped put Ellie at ease. Unlike most of the other people she met in Jackson, Ellie could sense a calming and trusting aura that surrounded her.

"Hi Ellie - it's very nice to meet you. I'm Anne," she said, sticking out her hand.

"Like - " Ellie started, but felt her voice nervously crack.

She cleared her throat and met Anne's hand with hers.

"Likewise."

"Anne - afternoon," Joel said, acknowledging her with a nod.

"Hey Joel - good to see you again. So - Ellie, Joel and Maria have told me everything. I want you to know that you're safe here and I understand the situation. I take doctor-patient confidentiality very seriously and no one will hear anything from me, okay?"

"Wait - doctor-patient what?"

Both Joel and Anne let out a small laugh.

"Sweetie - it means she ain't gonna say a word - just like I said. She's on our side... everything's fine - don't worry," Joel assured her, coupled with a pat on the back.

"Huh - alright, well - cool I guess."

 _She seems nice but I still can't - ugh, no - Ellie, she's trying to help - Joel said she's okay - so she must be alright._

Trusting strangers, especially after Sean and Michelle, was daunting for both of them. However, as time went on, they knew letting their guard down was a necessity at times.

"Alright Ellie, I'm just gonna ask some basic questions and we'll go from there okay?" Anne said.

"Yeah - okay, sounds good," Ellie replied.

Ellie glanced over to Joel with a nervous look. He simply smiled back and rested a hand on her shoulder, easing her worry once more.

 _The man is fucking psychic - I swear._

Anne scooted her chair forward until she was inches from Ellie's legs which dangled over the edge of the examination table. She crossed hers, clicked her pen then began writing on the paper attached to her clipboard.

"Alright let's see here - how old are you?" she asked.

"Just turned fifteen in July."

"Mmkay."

Joel remained standing, leaning against the wall as he fiddled with his fingers, but still paying close, hawk like attention to the interaction between Ellie and Anne.

"Where were you born?"

"Massachusetts - that's the best I can do," Ellie said with a shy smirk.

Anne let out a snicker as she continued writing. "Hah - well - that's better than a lot of people. Some don't even know which part of the country... but you're far from home I see."

Ellie relaxed her posture, enjoying the easy conversation that was quickly unfolding between herself and Anne. The woman had a calming personality, something that made her oddly approachable, which she liked.

"Heh - yeah - no shit."

"Ellie! C'mon - watch your mouth 'round strangers kiddo - Christ," Joel blurted out.

"Ack! I mean - no crap. Sorry!" Ellie replied with a blush.

Anne let out another laugh. "It's fine - don't worry. I don't care at all - heard much worse from much younger."

"See Joel!? No one cares you old timer!" Ellie playfully shouted.

"Tssht... brat," He responded, lightly shaking his head.

Anne cleared her throat and pressed on with her questioning.

"Any history of serious illness? Allergens? Any physical trauma?"

That word, trauma, hit Ellie like a ton of bricks. She drooped her head, remembering the emotional damage that was done to her and Joel over the past year. Though Michelle and David brought her within an inch of her life, it was the psychological damage from the experiences and the cumulative effect of everything else for that matter, which was far more damning. Joel noticed her sudden change of body language and gently rubbed her back when he heard a sniffle from her nose.

"It's okay honey - I know - you're doin' fine."

 _I wouldn't be here without you - I don't think I could fucking live if the world took you away from me._

Ellie took a deep breath then lifted her head to meet Anne's eyes, causing the woman to awkwardly fidget in her seat. Anne could sense she hit a sore spot, or at the very least dug at a still healing wound.

"Sorry - I didn't mean to pry - I'm just... doing my job here."

"Yeah - yeah I know it's okay... but no - other than the occasional cold, flu and fever - I've never had any problems."

"Mmkay - and allergens?"

"Allergens? What?" Ellie asked in confusion.

"She's just askin' if you're allergic to anything," Joel assisted.

"Oh - umm... no - not that I know of."

"Okay - how have you been feeling lately? Any problems with eating or... sleeping?"

"Sleeping's been rough - but last night I slept great," Ellie said with an endearing smile as she glanced up at Joel.

"And eating?"

Joel cleared his throat then butted in, answering for Ellie. "Kid eats like a damn horse doc - I tell ya, sometimes I think she eats more than I do," he said with a lighthearted laugh.

Anne snickered. "That's good - any indigestion? Digestive problems? Everything functioning normally on that end?"

Ellie blushed again and scratched her nose. "Uhh yeah - pretty much all good there."

"Good - well, eating a lot at your age isn't really a surprise - generally common for growing adolescents. But from what Joel tells me and from what I can now see on my own, umm... you're not really growing are you?"

"Nope - not really," Ellie softly responded.

"I just... I worry Anne - we wanna make sure everything's alright," Joel immediately said, stepping forward and replanting a hand on Ellie's back.

 _He said we. I always like it when he says we - makes me feel like I have a say - like we're a team!_

"Of course, of course - naturally. I'm sure everything's fine. Look, now a days it's common for kids to be... undersized. It's just an unfortunate side effect of the world we live in - malnourished children are all too common, so I'm not completely surprised to see her current size but - "

"But what?" Ellie nervously blurted out.

"You're still more undersized than I originally anticipated and it's strange that you're apparently eating so much but with little to no change. Now, you could just be a late bloomer - I sure was," Anne said with a light laugh.

She ran her hands through her hair, twirled the pen in her fingers then let out a deep breath.

"Well, Joel also mentioned you passed out the other day over at the north tower. That could mean many, many things - so I'm gonna have a look at you here and we'll run a few tests - see if we can figure out what's going on, okay?" she said with care, reaching a hand out to Ellie's knee.

At first, Ellie flinched from the contact. She hated the touch of anyone other than Joel's, but she was quickly warming up to Anne and at least for now, felt at peace with the woman's gentle contact.

"Okay - let's do it," Ellie responded.

She anxiously watched Anne reach to the table next to her and grab a mysterious, large piece of cloth with a tube extending out of it. Attached to the opposite end of the tube was a small, ovoid, rubber bulb.

"Umm - what the hell is that?"

Anne let out another small laugh then smiled. "This is what we use to check your blood pressure. It's called a Sphygmomanometer."

Ellie burst out laughing. "Hahaha! I'm sorry... a Sphyg-mamo-mamo what now!? That's the most ridiculous thing I've _ever_ heard!"

Joel dropped his face in his hands and couldn't help but let out a boisterous laugh in reaction to Ellie's response.

"Yep... don't know anyone who can pronounce it correctly to be honest," Anne said with a snicker of her own.

"Now, you're gonna feel a tight squeeze around your arm - it's nothing problematic - that's just what it does," she instructed as she wrapped the strange device around Ellie's upper arm.

Anne rapidly squeezed and released the bulb, filling the arm cuff with air and thus causing it to clench around Ellie's arm.

"Woah - Nelly! That actually feels pretty cool! Haha! Hey Joel - do you see this? This thing is awesome - it's like... I dunno - it feels like it's making my arm huge or something!"

Joel laughed. "Yep - thing feels pretty damn weird I ain't gonna lie."

Anne placed the stethoscope against Ellie's arm as she carefully gave the rubber bulb a few more squeezes, watching for the needle inside the pressure gauge to come to a rest. After a few seconds, she released the pressure from the arm cuff and let the air rapidly escape from the device.

"Man - that thing was cool," Ellie said.

Anne continued to jot down notes and the results of her blood pressure test on the clipboard.

"One-fifteen over seventy-five," she said.

"What's that mean - is that good?" Ellie curiously asked.

"That's great - real good," Joel interjected.

"Yep - healthy as can be," Anne concurred.

"Okay - now I'm just gonna have a look at you here - make sure everything's normal," Anne said as she slowly reached forward to gently touch Ellie's face.

Ellie, out of instinct, sharply jolted backwards and immediately looked to Joel for comfort. Her sudden reaction startled Anne, causing the woman to jump then stare at Joel in confusion and shock.

"Woah - hey, hey - it's okay baby - you're alright - I've gotcha," Joel soothed, again rubbing her back with his large hand.

 _Shit - I didn't mean to do that. Phew - okay just concentrate on his hand and voice... we're good - we got this Ellie. Anne is okay - she's only trying to help._

"Sorry I didn't mean - " Anne started.

"No, no - it's my fault, I didn't mean to - sorry - just me being... weird," Ellie responded with a deep breath.

Anne noticed Joel rubbing the girl's back, providing her comfort. It was quickly becoming clear that Ellie was only comfortable around him and interacting with strangers was difficult. Anne didn't know all of the specifics, but she knew both of them had been through an entire lifetime's worth of pain and sorrow.

"Go ahead - let's try that again," Ellie said.

Anne slowly lurched her arms forward then softly grabbed both sides of Ellie's face. She gently pulled down on the top of her cheeks to inspect her eyes, then turned her head in both directions to look into her ears. Ellie, intently staring at her, started feeling more and more self-conscious and anxious by the second as she apprehensively watched this woman inspect her.

 _Oh god - I don't like this - I can't do this for much longer - please be done soon - please._

"Okay - now open wide and say - " Anne said as she moved a finger towards Ellie's lips.

Ellie violently twitched her head away and let out a nervous, anxiety filled squeak as she nudged up against Joel.

"Shh, shh - baby it's okay, it's okay - you're doin' great honey - c'mon - she ain't gonna hurt ya - I'm right here," Joel said, continuing to soothe her.

 _I can't fucking help it... gah! Dammit Ellie get your shit together. Joel's here - he's got you, you're safe - everything's fine._

"Sorry - sorry... I know - okay... go ahead," Ellie said as she shook her hands, trying to rid herself of the nerves that were scratching away under the surface of her skin.

"Alright - open wide and say ahhhh."

"Ahhhhhhhhh!"

She carefully followed the light from Anne's flashlight and her breathing intensified once more as nervousness crept its way back into her veins. Anne quickly swabbed the inside of her cheek with a q-tip, then set it aside. She wrote down a few more notes then heaved a sigh of relief, glad to be done with the brief examination which was making Ellie visibly uncomfortable.

"Okay - all done."

 _Thank fucking god._

 _"_ Everything on the outside looks normal to me. I don't see any obvious signs of infection or anything."

"Awesome! So... we're done here right? Time to go home!" Ellie excitedly said as she started to hop off the table.

"Hold your horses - not yet there kiddo - got one more thing - the uhh... the big one," Joel said, placing a hand on her shoulder and keeping her propped up on the table.

"Awww man - c'mon what now?"

"Ellie - I need you trust me here okay? I'm just gonna draw a little bit of blood so we can run some tests alright?" Anne said as she prepared a syringe.

Ellie's eyes darted over to the pointy object and immediately widened. She gulped, then flinched as she nervously readjusted her posture.

"Oh shit - is it... is that gonna hurt?"

"Ellie - c'mere - look at me - up here sweetie. Just look at me," Joel said, snapping his fingers.

He gently grabbed her by the shoulder and looked into her eyes, imploring her to keep eye contact.

 _You know what he's trying to do - just go along with it Ellie - it's okay - just do what he says and this will all be over soon._

"Hey - why did the scarecrow get a promotion?" Joel asked in a leading tone with a smirk.

Ellie managed a small smile and could feel an oncoming laugh as she held her focus on Joel.

"'Cause he was outstanding in his field! I always liked - ow! Shit!" she shouted, suddenly feeling the short, prick of the needle.

Anne smiled and winked at Joel, silently thanking him for drawing Ellie's attention away from her sneaky withdrawal of blood.

"There ya go! All done! See? That ain't so bad right?" Joel said with a smile as he ran a hand through her hair.

"Well it hurt... but yeah - thing wasn't so bad."

"Really? You've killed runners, clickers an' bloaters... an' a damn needle scares ya?" Joel sarcastically asked with a wink.

"Pssht - whatever," Ellie responded.

"Why don't you two go wait outside for awhile - it will be a bit before I get everything done," Anne said.

"How long?" Joel asked.

"Couple hours."

"Yikes - what the hell are we gonna do for a few hours?" Ellie asked.

"We'll figure somethin' out - c'mon kiddo."

"Alright - lead the way," Ellie said with a sigh as she hopped off the table, eager to leave the confines of the examination room.

* * *

More than a few hours passed and Joel sat in the waiting room twiddling his thumbs as Ellie napped on the couch adjacent to him, sound asleep. He was getting impatient and after they ran out of ideas of how to pass the time, they simply resorted to sitting and waiting. He sighed, leaned back in his chair and rubbed his hands over his face.

"Why the hell is it takin' so long... ain't likin' this," he whispered to himself.

Finally, Anne stepped into the room, ready to explain her findings, if any. She glanced over at Ellie's little frame sound asleep on the couch and curiously rose an eyebrow then cleared her throat.

"Okay - come on back you two."

Joel stood up, stretched his arms above his head and let out an exasperated yawn then tapped Ellie on the shoulder.

"C'mon Ellie - up, up. Let's go," he said before kissing her hair.

"Mmmmm... ugh - fine," she quietly mumbled as her eyes fluttered open.

She rolled over and after awkwardly peeling herself off of the couch, her and Joel followed Anne back to the examination room.

"Alright - have a seat Ellie," Anne said.

"Okay... will do," Ellie nervously replied as she lifted herself up onto the table.

"Not likin' your tone here doc - ain't gonna lie - what's goin' on?"

"Well - the good news is I didn't find any signs of serious illness or anything like that. I checked for diabetes, hepatitis, mono - many others... but I didn't find anything out of the ordinary - she seems healthy as can be. However - "

"However what?" both Ellie and Joel asked, slightly leaning forward in earnest.

"The virus - it's... it's clearly there. It's really active in your blood - and I mean really active. Now, again... I'm not an expert on it - because quite frankly we still don't know a whole lot about it yet but, I do know this... one of the reasons people turn so quickly is because of how fast it goes to work on the body - overtaking the host. It's extremely quick when it comes to integrating itself into the body's cells."

Ellie nervously reached for Joel's hand and nestled her way up against him at the edge of the table. He glanced down, feeling her contact then wrapped an arm around her to bring her even closer. She let out a deep breath, relaxing in his embrace then intertwined her fingers with his, yearning for his comfort.

 _Still fucking amazes me how much I relax in his arms - I love it here - safest place on earth._

"Yep - two days max was the longest I saw - most turn even sooner," Joel responded.

"Right - we think it has something to do with the extremely high metabolic rate of the infected cells, which was something we observed years ago when we first began studying it. Once the virus takes over, the host's metabolism goes through the roof. It puts the body into overdrive, rapidly metabolizing food into energy, therefore speeding along the process of infection. However, the host also expends enormous amounts of energy just to keep the body alive and thus requires a constant intake of sustenance. We think it's partially why there's such a sharp increase in aggressive behavior and the need to perform one of life's most basic and primitive instincts - and that's to feed."

"Yeah, alright I'm with ya so far - kinda makes sense - the hell this has to do with my little girl though?" Joel said, tension rising in his voice as he tightened his embrace around Ellie.

 _Uh oh - he's getting nervous. When he gets nervous - I get nervous - I don't like this._

"Let me ask you two a few questions. Ellie, you said you slept well last night, correct?"

"Yeah - I did eventually, yes."

"Yet you were completely out, fast asleep on the couch no more than five minutes ago, why?"

"I - I dunno... I was just tired I guess."

"Are you tired a lot? Did you feel tired when you passed out last week?"

"Now that I think about it... yeah - yeah I am often... and last week I... I felt weak - almost shaky and like... totally out of energy - I felt like I really, really wanted to fucking eat something - anything. It was weird - never really felt that way before," Ellie replied as she scrunched her face.

"Mmhmm - exactly. Now, Joel, does she put out a lot of body heat?" Anne asked, crossing her arms and leaning back in her chair.

Joel scratched his beard and searched his thoughts, hoping to provide Anne with an accurate answer.

"Actually - yeah - reckon she does - I remember last night when she was sleepin'... damn near cooked me alive. But I don't mind it - keeps me warm," he said with a smile as he and Ellie exchanged tender glances.

"Uh-huh, right - another sign of high metabolism. Also, I noticed her resting heart rate is actually much higher than normal, yet you would never know it by just looking at her."

Ellie latched onto Joel's sleeve and pressed her back against his torso, feeling more and more uneasy by the minute.

"Joel! What - what's going on - is something wrong?" she quietly peeped, looking up at him for comfort.

He quickly lowered his other hand to her cheek and leaned down to softly whisper another assurance. "Shh - no, no - no one said that - we're fine baby girl - let's just let Anne finish."

He lifted his head and glared at Anne. He was annoyed and getting agitated with where the conversation was going, but he knew it wasn't her fault, even though she was the one currently receiving the brunt of his nagging worrying.

"Cut to the chase doc - c'mon - tell us what ya think."

"Alright well, again - this is just a theory. But I think it falls in line if you just hear me out."

"Okay - go on then," Joel said.

"In my opinion, the virus has her body working overtime - I can't explain exactly why, because again, I don't know enough about the virus yet, but that's what I believe. And, therefore, in conjunction with that, her metabolic rate is extremely high - I mean, way higher than normal - higher than anyone I've ever seen to be honest. She's immune to its decaying effects - obviously, but, the other symptoms I think are very prevalent. Her metabolism is... inhuman to be honest. It's why she eats so much, yet never gains an ounce of weight or grows at all. It's why she's always tired, because her body can never, ever get enough nutrients to sustain a stable energy level for an extended period of time. Also, let me guess, the day you passed out, you didn't eat enough for breakfast or lunch did you?"

Ellie twitched in Joel's embrace then tried to remember what she had that day.

"Huh... you're right actually - I skipped breakfast entirely 'cause we were running late."

"Right, it is my opinion that the virus has your body working three, maybe even four or five times harder than normal to keep itself functioning. The virus is so demanding, so hard on you, that your body is expending so much energy just to maintain its current state that growing at a healthy rate, even at all, is going to be extremely hard. So if you couple this with... what? Thirteen or fourteen years of being constantly malnourished? Your body is really going to struggle to develop. Now, again, I could be wrong - this is all theory at this point, but it falls exactly in line with what I've studied," Anne continued to explain.

"Okay but... I didn't always feel like this - why all of a sudden now?" Ellie anxiously asked.

"Well, you're now going through puberty - your body is undergoing drastic changes and requires even more sleep and energy just to function. Your immunity is a gift Ellie, but it's also a burden. If you don't mind me asking, have you menstruated yet?"

Ellie blushed and Joel let out an awkward cough as he twitched his head and pretended to look away.

"Umm... yeah - the first time was just over a month ago," she sheepishly responded.

"You're fifteen right? Well, for most girls it's much, much earlier than that - like, way earlier."

"Huh - okay... yeah - Maria did mention that when I talked to her."

"I think the virus, as much as it has probably saved your life, has also been a burden on your body - severely stunting your growth. Basically, if the average adolescent develops at rate 'X' you're developing at maybe 'X' times a half - does that make sense?"

"Yeah, sure doc - but, this is still all just theory... I mean - we ain't even sure we really know if this is right, correct?" Joel growled.

"True - that's right. But, you asked for my help and opinion and I'm giving it to you," Anne responded with a tilt of the head, taken aback by Joel's tone.

Joel sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"Where'd you go to school? Before the outbreak - where'd you get your M.D?"

"Stanford - undergrad. Johns Hopkins University - M.D," she bluntly and succinctly responded, leering back at Joel.

"Ah... well - fuck," Joel quietly responded with a smirk and a small snicker as he rubbed his fingers over his brow.

"What's that mean?" Ellie asked, looking up at him.

"Means she knows her shit - means she's probably right... look - sorry ma'am I didn't mean nothin'... just ya know... this is a lot to take in."

"I understand - you clearly love her as your own. And for the record, I think it's really cute and sweet how much you care," Anne said, trying to ease the tension in the room.

Her empathetic statement caused Ellie to tilt her head and look up at Joel with a smile, meeting his eyes for another tender moment.

"I mean... it does make sense and honestly it... it would explain a lot," Ellie said before breaking his eye contact.

He sighed in frustration once again. "Yeah - yeah... I know... so basically we just need to keep her fed, yeah? All will be good then?"

"It definitely can't hurt. Ellie - make sure you eat breakfast okay? Every day - also, I would suggest having another, small meal in between lunch and dinner. Try not to let yourself get hungry."

"Yeah - okay, we can do that," Ellie said with a nod.

 _Oh no - this means I'm gonna be eating some of Joel's food... I know it._

"There is one worry I have though," Anne said after clearing her throat.

 _Shit. There's always something._

"I goddamn knew it - had to come at some point - everything ya said has been more of an inconvenience than anything - nothin' bad. But I knew somethin' was gonna come along," Joel said as he returned to gently rubbing Ellie's back.

Anne sighed and rubbed her brow.

"Yeah... look."

Ellie again anxiously readjusted herself, pressing her head harder against Joel's torso and tightening her grasp around his arm.

"I don't... I don't know how long her body can keep this up. I mean - everything within her is working so, so, so hard to keep itself going. Ellie, your organs - everything - is working, like I said, three maybe even four or five times as hard as mine or Joel's do. That's not... sustainable. I don't know how long that can... you know... keep up. You're young now and can handle it but - when you get older... who knows at what age - I don't know when things will simply get too tired and just... break down. I'm - I'm sorry."

 _Wait, what? What the fuck does that mean? What's gonna happen to me? Wait, wait - don't freak out - it's okay - Joel's here - everything will be fine. We can manage this - just like everything else._

Ellie blew a big shot of air through her lips and ran a hand over her face, urging every fiber in her being to hold back the tears which were quickly collecting in her eyes.

"Well... shit... that - that kinda sucks," she said with a forced, humorous tone, trying to keep up her facade.

She heard a sniffle escape from Joel standing beside her and felt him reach a hand up to wipe his eyes. A deafening silence filled the room as all three of them contemplated what to say next.

"Alright, well - thanks for everything here today Anne. We appreciate it... though I reckon it wasn't what we were hopin' to hear."

"I know - I'm generally the bringer of bad news in this day and age. Just - make sure you stay well fed and get lots of sleep - whatever it takes to keep those good, restful sleeps going, okay Ellie?"

Ellie could feel Joel's fingers tickle her shoulder, then glanced at his face to see a smile after hearing Anne's request.

 _Yes! We both know what that means... way to at least look on the bright side of things Ellie - my god._

"Sure thing doc," Ellie replied with a nod.

"Yeah - you got it - I'll take good care of 'er. She's my little baby girl an' she's all that matters," Joel said with a big smile before giving Ellie a kiss on the cheek.

 _Awwww - big sap... but I admit it - I love it - no one's ever cared for me this way. It's nice to actually feel fucking important to someone for once._

His statement and affection pulled a big grin across her cheeks. Actually hearing him express how much he cared always sent a tickle of warmth through her.

"Oh uhh... one last thing doc."

"Mmhmm?"

"If she does pass out again... what's the uhh... ya know - best thing for me to do?"

"Well - I would keep her warm and once she wakes up... do whatever you can to get some sugar in her as soon as possible. If this were before the outbreak I'd say just give her a glass of orange juice but... don't think you're gonna find much of that anymore."

"Tssht - yeah no kiddin'."

"But - anything with sugar... even something that digests quickly with some carbs will help too," Anne continued.

"Alright - well, reckon we'll do all we can to avoid havin' to do any of that. But, figured I should ask just in case. Anyway, thanks again Anne," Joel said.

"Of course, not a problem at all - just doing my job. And I'm sure you will... take good care of her - she's in good hands," Anne responded with a smile.

"Hell yeah I am!" Ellie blurted out, not able to restrain herself.

Her quick and sudden response pulled a boisterous laugh from Joel.

"Alright - c'mon kiddo - let's head home. Get ya somethin' to eat alright? Maybe some hot chocolate too?"

Ellie smiled then looked up at him with her familiar endearing expression.

"Yep - sounds good to me coach," she said with a nod.

"Piggy back ride home?" Joel asked as he playfully pinched her nose.

She simply smiled and reached both arms around his neck and shoulders.

 _He always knows what I need. Every. Single. Time._


	3. Moments and Ruin

**AN: I did purposefully choose the name Anne as it was close to Anna, the name of Ellie's mother. It wasn't supposed to really be a major thing... as one reviewer said, it was just sort of an "Easter egg." Sorry if I threw people for a loop on that one.**

 **So, since we are into part three, we are also pretty deep into the development of both characters here. And as such, I'm going to take a creative liberty for this chapter and slightly stretch the axes of their personalities, possibly pushing the boundaries a bit. But, again, it is vitally important to me that I do it in a way that seems natural to both characters and I've tried my best in that regard. I just feel that in the context of my previous two stories and now this one, it was necessary to develop and evolve both characters, allowing the bond between them to grow and thus sort of... resurrect or uncover other aspects of themselves that they may not have known was there. Which, ironically, is actually what happened to me while playing The Last of Us and while writing these stories. Just my logic on that one...**

 **This technically could have been two separate chapters, but I felt it was important it stayed intact as a whole... for a few reasons. So... another long one! Hurrah! Anyway, here's three. Cheers.**

* * *

Upon returning home that evening, Ellie was quieter than usual. Her constant display of moroseness didn't go unnoticed and Joel did his best to cheer her up. To brighten her mood he prepared her favorite, warm, tasty beverage and cooked her a delicious and hearty meal. Despite feeling somber from Anne's news, Ellie did however revel in one consequence of their visit. And that was the knowledge that she would always, from now on, no matter what, get to sleep cuddled next to Joel. His presence kept her nightmares at bay, thus providing the comfort and affection she needed for a restful sleep. Which was something Anne deemed vitally important. Once snuggled up against him and feeling him kiss her good night, she couldn't help but feel her lips, which had been frowning for the previous five hours, give way to a smile. As always, no matter what ailed either of them, as long as they had each other, nothing felt too daunting or unmanageable.

A few days had gone by since Joel brought Ellie to the health center and it was the middle of the afternoon. He was preparing her a snack, something he immediately made a daily occurrence after they met with Anne, as keeping her well fed was a priority.

"Ellie! Snack time! C'mon - time to eat!" Joel shouted from the kitchen.

He finished spreading the last bit of jam on Ellie's toast then licked his finger tips clean.

 _Goddamn - don't know how in the hell Maria makes this taste so good._

He sat down at the table and poured himself a glass of whiskey as he waited for Ellie to join him. However, he didn't hear the usual sound of her footsteps echoing down the stairs and a look of confusion fell over his face. He tilted his head back to yell once more over his shoulder, louder than before.

"Ellie - honey!? You comin'!? It's time to eat - let's go!"

Again, he heard no response.

 _What in the hell is she up to now?_

He got up from his chair and leaned into the entrance of the stairwell, bringing a hand around his mouth to amplify his next shout.

"Ellie! Ya decent!?"

He heard nothing but deafening silence once again and his usual paranoia began clawing at his mind.

 _Shit - hope she didn't pass out again. Dammit Joel - you gotta be more diligent about this._

He hastily jogged up the stairs, worried he would find her little frame lying motionless and passed out somewhere on the floor. After reaching the top, he peered into his bedroom, which had now become their bedroom, only to see her sitting cross-legged on the floor. The afternoon, autumn sun which shined through the window surrounded her in a bright glow as it plastered over the hardwood floor across the room. She had her guitar in hand and was staring at a piece of paper next to her feet with a furrowed brow, looking deep in thought.

"Christ - there ya are - made me nervous. You didn't hear me?" he asked as he crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame.

Her eyes remained sharply focused on the piece of paper lying in front of her on the floor.

 _What the hell is she doin' that's so fascinatin'?_

"Ellie! Ya there!?" he said with more intent behind his voice.

Her whole body suddenly twitched and she quickly lifted her head.

"Oh - shit... god - you scared me," she finally replied.

"Tssht... _you_ scared me kiddo - thought somethin' happened to ya, everything alright?"

She smiled and brought her legs in tighter.

"Yeah - everything's fine - I just umm - " she paused, and lifted a hand from the guitar to gently scratch her nose.

"You just what?" He curiously asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I was just trying to get this song down," she replied, before nervously biting her lip.

"Ah - alright then. Well - c'mon, it's time to eat. Doc said this was important - you can finish up after."

"Yeah, yeah I know - just... wait... one minute. I... I wanna show you something," she said as her skin started to flush.

Her heart rate increased and her nerves started to tingle knowing she was about to play in front of him for the first time. Joel took a deep breath and shifted his weight to the other foot.

"Alright - go on, go ahead."

"Okay - I know your birthday was a few months ago... but I wanted to get you something - but had no idea what the fuck to do. Plus, I didn't even know if you like... ya know - wanted me to do anything for it - or whatever. But anyway - I... I really wanted to do something for you so I learned this song. I don't know what it's called or who made it but it's on Maria's tape player and I liked it 'cause it reminds me of you... and I just like the song. I tried to learn it... so I could play it for you - for your birthday. So, umm... this is sort of a belated birthday gift... I guess," she said, feeling more shy and awkward after each word left her lips.

 _Even though you fuckin' hate everything about your birthday, you can't say no to her now - look at her... let her do it. You'd be a dumb ass not to._

Joel cleared his throat and ran a hand over his face. "Well, shit... thanks Ellie - uhh yeah, by all means, please - go right ahead. Show me what ya got," he said, his voice quivering ever so slightly.

"Really!?" she asked in excitement as her pony tail bounced from the perk of her head.

"'Course - let's see it, go on," he said with a smile.

"Okay - I... I don't know all of it and I've only been practicing for a little - " she started to frantically say.

"Shhh! No disclaimers - let 'er rip, c'mon - just play," he interrupted with a wink.

"Okay, okay! Alright - phew... here we go."

Ellie took a deep breath and readjusted her posture, tightly clenching her fingers, which were just big enough to properly play the instrument, over the fret board of the guitar.

She cleared her throat then closed her eyes as she prepared herself to play. A few seconds of silence went by then her fingers, slowly at first, began elegantly plucking the strings of the guitar. After making her way through the intro of the song, her nerves finally calmed and she increased the tempo while playing each note with every ounce of emotion she had.

Joel's eyes widened, impressed by her ability and the passion she was putting into it as he watched her fingers meticulously and perfectly glide across the strings. Within seconds he recognized it, as it was from long before the outbreak. Then, with her eyelids lightly pressed shut, she opened her mouth and began to sing. Her voice softly reverberated through the room and danced its way into his ears, causing his eyes to ever so slightly water. It brought back memories, not all of which were good, but her voice and ability to play eased away any pain that remained, causing him to relish this wonderful moment that was unfolding before him.

"God I feel like hell tonight  
Tears of rage I cannot fight  
I'd be the last to help you understand  
Are you strong enough to be my man  
My, man..."

 _Holy shit - how... where in the - when did she learn this?_

She popped open her eyes and met his as her lips gave way to a large smile. He smiled back, seeing the sunlight glow off of her fair complexion and auburn hair as she continued to gleefully play and sing.

"Nothing's true and nothing's right  
So let me be alone tonight  
'Cause you can't change the way I am  
Are you strong enough to be my man?"

Her fingers strummed the guitar with more intent and passion as the notes echoed all throughout the house. She played with more confidence and even more emotion, fully giving into this moment that she'd carefully planned for the last two months.

"Lie to me  
I promise, I'll believe,"

she sang, giving Joel a light, playful wink and a smile as both of them knew what those lyrics meant in the context of their relationship. Joel returned her grin with one of his own and let out a small snicker as he adjusted his posture, gazing in wonderment while she played. She closed her eyes once again and bellowed out the last lines of the chorus.

"Lie to me  
But please, don't leave  
Don't leave"

She took another deep breath after the last lyric and continued to pluck away on the guitar strings, hitting each and every note perfectly as she played the song's tune exactly right. After playing another few rounds of the melody, she lifted her head once more to sing.

"I have a face I cannot show  
I make the rules up as I go  
Just try and love me if you can  
Are you strong enough to be my man  
My, man..."

 _Look at her little fingers go - where in the hell did she find time to learn this? Pinch yourself - your daughter, your baby girl is givin' you a moment to remember for the rest of your damn life._

She continued to play the melody, then as if to signify the ending of her performance, she rapidly and chaotically strummed up and down on the strings, causing the guitar to emit a series of dissonant tones as she blushed and smiled.

"Okay, umm... that's it - that's all I know - haven't figured out the rest yet," she timidly said, relaxing her hands over the guitar.

Joel stood in silence and awe, feeling his eyes burn as they started to water. His lack of a verbal response made Ellie uncomfortable, causing her to fidget and shift her posture, praying he would say something, anything in response to her display of emotion and extreme vulnerability. She caught the faintest glimpse of the glistening in his eyes then quietly spoke up.

"Was... was it bad? Sorry... I... I dunno what I was thinking... that was stupid - I - "

"No," Joel suddenly and sternly said as he shook his head.

"Ellie - that was... hell - I dunno what to say," he continued as he brought a sleeve to his face and sniffled.

Ellie's skin blushed as she smiled and gently set the guitar on the floor next to her.

"So... there ya go - uhh... happy birthday... I guess. Did - did you not like it? What's wrong?" she sheepishly asked, pulling both hands into her sleeves.

Joel shook his head again then ran a hand through his hair.

"No, no - it's not that at all. It's just uhh... that song."

"Yeah?" Ellie quickly replied in earnest.

"Sarah's mom - she... she used to listen to it. Played it all the damn time for years when we first got together - thing was popular as hell when I was kid. Just... brings back memories - that's all."

A look of embarrassment and sadness washed over Ellie's face and she drooped her head towards the floor. "Oh... sorry - I didn't - " she quietly mumbled.

"Stop. Honey - you got absolutely nothin' to be sorry 'bout. That was... again - reckon I don't even know what to say. Ya nailed it - everything sounded perfect, the catchy guitar riff, your voice an' everything - that was... real good. _Real_ good," he said, lifting himself from the door frame.

She raised her head then scrunched her face as she rested her chin on her palm. "Really? Oh, well umm... cool I guess - heh."

Joel dropped his arms from their crossed position and scratched the side of his beard. "Absolutely... I couldn't have asked for a better gift. Reckon you just made my day. Always was tough to hear that after she an' I... ya know - but, that don't matter at all anymore. Now I just think of you - my little girl."

Ellie smiled then re-tightened the cross-legged position of her legs and let her hands fall to her lap. "Well, sorry I don't know the rest... that's all I can play so far."

"Hey - don't be sorry at all. You got all the way to the bridge an' that's where shit changes on ya - I'll teach ya the rest of it. It's pretty easy - same chord progression throughout - ain't bad."

"You know it?"

"Tssht - yeah it wasn't hard to figure out way back when," he said with a playful wink.

"Oh what the fuck ever... mister... pro guitarist over here showin' me up!" she jokingly exclaimed with a smirk, waving a hand in a shooing motion.

"Oh hush - you'll pick it up quick. There's really only three distinct parts for the guitar durin' the whole song - reckon that's 'bout it," he replied.

"So... it was popular when you were younger? When exactly?" Ellie curiously asked.

"Ahhh - shit... I wanna say... ninety-five? Ninety-six? Damn - makes me feel old as hell," Joel said, finishing with a snicker.

"Wow - that's like... almost fifty fucking years ago! But - Sarah's mom... she - she liked it?"

"Pssht - way to make me feel even more like an old man. But uhh... yeah - like I said, she played that goddamn thing to death - 'til my ears wanted to crawl in a hole and die," he replied with a big laugh.

"Huh, alright. Well - I like it... and it's fun to play," Ellie said as her head perked up.

"Then I like it too - 'specially when you play it," he responded with a smile as he strutted his way over to her.

He stopped mere inches in front of her and looked down to see her small self, sitting on the floor as she gazed up at him with a smile.

 _You never deserved a second chance like this. You're one lucky man Joel - look how goddamn adorable she is. She loves you to death - don't you ever fuck this up._

"So, there ya go... happy birthday," she quietly said, raising her arms up with a shrug.

He reached down and gently brushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear and smiled. "Thanks sweet pea - that was great."

"I umm... it felt kinda weird... ya know - singing that to you... 'cause... I don't think it's about someone's dad," she muttered as her skin started to blush once again.

Joel snickered. "You're right - it ain't."

Ellie rubbed her brow then let out a big sigh, preparing herself to expose another sliver of vulnerability yet again.

"I dunno, it just - I thought it seemed to fit for us, ya know? I mean - I wouldn't be here without you. You've saved my life, protected and taken care of me and I don't know what I would do without you. You make me feel happy, safe and important - like I _finally_ fucking matter to someone and... I've never met a single person - and probably never will - who's even half the man you are. And even if... even if everything else falls apart and I have nothing left, I know you'll always be here - with me. You're the only person who gets me and I... I fucking love you _so_ much. So this was my way of saying happy birthday and... ya know - thank you... for everything," she shyly explained, wrapping both arms around her elbows as her smile widened.

That was the most she'd ever concretely expressed how much he meant to her all this time. Like always, opening up and bearing her soul as such felt foreign and even a little scary.

 _Christ - she keeps this up an' your sorry ass is gonna break down and cry. That's the most she's ever said to you... well don't just stand there in silence like a moron - make her feel okay about it you dumb ass._

"Aww my little baby - you're so damn adorable, c'mere sweetie. I love you too - more than anything," he cooed as he knelt to the floor, down to her level.

Her cheeks blushed once again upon hearing him rattle off his endearments.

He could see her chest collapse in one swift motion as she let out a deep breath of relief, thrilled to hear him welcome her display of vulnerability with open arms. After gently engulfing her small cheek with his palm, he looked her in the eyes and the two of them shared another tender moment of silence as they simply smiled, both knowing exactly how important they were to each other. He leaned in and gave her a peck on the forehead, then immediately felt her scoot and wiggle forward into his arms before resting her chin on his shoulder.

He slightly turned his head and pressed his nose into her hair. "Ya know I'd do anything for ya? Ya know that right?" he softly said.

She lifted her head away and simply nodded with another smile. Then, as if a switch suddenly flipped upside down from within, her smile slowly waned and her head drooped to the floor. She let out a sigh then affectionately gripped his sleeve with her fingers.

 _Goddammit I know that look. C'mon Joel get 'er out of it._

Joel slid his finger under her chin and pulled her head up, only to see her green eyes beginning water.

"C'mon - what's up? Tell me what's on your mind," he prodded.

She sniffled and wiped both eyes with the back of her hand before responding.

"Ugh... okay, fine - this was bothering me after seeing Anne and everything - and I can't stop thinking about it. But... do you... do you think I'm... weak? A burden? Now that I have all this stupid shit wrong with me? Sometimes I feel like I... like I don't fucking deserve any of this," she mumbled, again dropping her head.

 _The hell? Fuck no! You say you wouldn't be here without me, but shit - my sorry ass wouldn't be here without you either._

Without saying a word, he reached both hands beneath her armpits then lifted her small frame and carried her across the room to the dresser. He propped her up on its surface with her legs draped over the edge as her feet dangled just below his waist. And now, for the first time ever, she was at eye level with him, looking straight, as opposed to up, onto his face. He gently held both of her cheeks and returned her gaze with his.

"Ellie - don't you ever, ever think that. _Ever_. Ya hear me? You're the strongest, toughest goddamn person I know. You're _anything_ but weak," he sternly said.

She didn't respond and instead could feel her eyes continue to water as she darted them towards the floor, trying to avoid his eye contact.

"Baby - look at me. C'mon honey - up here."

He watched her slowly lift her green, little eyeballs and finally meet his.

"I ain't _ever_ gonna think of ya as weak - ever. I mean - shit, you've saved my ass more times than I can count. You said ya wouldn't be here without me, but - I reckon it goes both ways baby girl. I'd be long gone if it weren't for you. "

"But even after... what Anne said and everything?" she softly peeped.

Joel dropped his head and let out a light laugh.

" _Yes_! Even after all that. None of that is a big deal - just somethin' we gotta deal with - together. It's just life - got it?" he implored, looking back into her eyes.

She nodded and wiped away her budding tears again as a small smile returned across her lips.

"So we're still... ya know... a team, right?"

"Oh sweetie - c'mere," he cooed as he wrapped both arms around her and pulled her closer to the edge of the dresser, gently resting her cheek against his chest as he caressed the back of her head.

"Always. We're always a team. Everything we do, we do together. It ain't just about me - it's about _us_. Period," he continued, before stretching his lips down to kiss her hair.

She slowly lifted away and gripped his sleeve once more as she let out a sniffle.

"You promise? You swear I'm not a burden?" she sheepishly asked.

" _I swear on my life_! Christ sake Ellie - you ain't ever gonna be a burden - ever. You're my goddamn reason for livin' an' I love ya to death baby - don't ever forget that."

He let out a sigh and rubbed his eyes. "Look - I know I baby you sometimes but it's just - " he paused, feeling the grasp of her small hand around his sleeve tighten.

"I want ya to feel important - cared for an'... I dunno - loved an' stuff. That's all - you're tough as nails, I know that - an' if you want me to stop, I will."

"No - don't... I... I love it. I umm... I can never get enough," she mumbled softly as she tapped his hip with her foot, her smile slightly increasing in size.

He couldn't help but give way to a grin as well then gently ran a thumb down her cheek. "I know," he replied with a wink.

Ellie let out another exasperated sigh. "Sometimes I just think this stupid fucking thing is like... crippling or whatever - makes me seem inferior and weak... like I'm less of a person," she said, lifting her sleeve and pointing to the scar on her arm.

Joel's eyes widened and he gritted his teeth.

 _Joel - she should never fuckin' think that - ever. She's the greatest thing to happen to you since Sarah - make her feel that way dammit._

"Ellie... honey - that _stupid thing_ is responsible for you sittin' here in my arms right now. It ain't ever gonna make ya inferior to anyone, ever. As much shit as it put us through... it - " he paused and cleared his throat as he felt a lump form on the inside.

"It brought you to me - brought me to you - an' makes _everything, all of it,_ worth it. If it weren't for that _thing_ on your arm... reckon I'd probably be dead in a ditch somewhere to be honest," he finished, holding back his tears.

Ellie flinched at the thought of him lying dead on the ground. The mere idea of him being gone, of her purpose being gone, sent a shiver down her spine and she squeezed his arm even tighter before letting out another sniffle.

"Ellie - give it here."

She twitched her head and looked at him in confusion, unsure of his intent. "Wait wha - what're you doing?"

He gently grabbed her forearm and kissed the scar which marred her flesh for the past year and would continue to do so for the rest of her life. Her smile finally expanded to its maximum width and her cheeks blushed once again.

"Hehe... you... you kissed it," she said with glee and a light, muffled laugh.

 _There's my girl._

"Damn straight I did. Ellie, you're the best thing that's happened to me in over twenty years. You deserve _every_ ounce of happiness there is. An' I swear to god I'll kill anyone who tries to enforce a policy that says otherwise. There ain't a single thing wrong with ya - at all. You're my strong, tough, smart, cute little girl an' we'll always be a team. _Always_. Now get that crap outta that head of yours - you're perfect just the way you are, alright? None of what Anne said changes a damn thing - we'll manage an' deal with it just like we do with everything else, it ain't a big deal. Okay?"

"Okay," she succinctly replied.

This time, that word didn't convey a single ounce of distrust and anger like it did seven months ago. He gave her a peck on the forehead then gently stroked her hair.

"I love ya baby girl - always."

"I love you too pops," she replied with another smile.

"Tssht - pops huh? That's a new one."

Ellie let out a small snicker. "Yeah... I dunno - just came to me I guess."

"You're cute."

He grabbed her hand and gently rubbed her fingers.

"An' thanks for the birthday gift - best thing you could'a given me."

"Hey... least I could do. You save my life... I uhh... sing you a song. We're even right?" she playfully replied, her response pulling out a laugh from both of them.

 _You saved my life in more ways than you can possibly imagine._

"Alright - ya good?"

"Yeah, I'm good," she responded with a nod.

"Good. So... how's it feel bein' tall?" he asked with a humorous tone.

"It's pretty fucking awesome - not gonna lie. The weather up here is nice too. You tall people have it good."

Joel let out a small laugh. "Yeah - but... reckon we often have our head in the clouds though."

Ellie slapped a palm to her face.

"Oh my god. That was so, fucking, bad! What the hell Joel - hahaha that was terrible!" she retorted with a boisterous laugh.

He couldn't help but feel proud of himself for his pun. "Pssht - what the hell ever... I thought it was good."

He slid both hands beneath her armpits once more to gently lift her off of the dresser.

"Alright - let's go sweet pea, c'mon - time to get some food in ya."

"Hey! You still never told me what the name of the song was," she spouted as he lifted her into the air.

"Ah, right - I did not. It's - "

 _Bang, bang, bang!_

Three, extremely loud and intimidating knocks on the door interrupted him, immediately sending a trickle of fear through them both.

* * *

 _Bang, bang, bang!_

Another set of obnoxious knocks at the door rattled through the house as Joel and Ellie came downstairs.

"I'm comin' dammit! Christ - hold your horses."

Joel, frustrated with the situation and confused as to why anyone would be loudly banging on their door, angrily turned the knob and swung it open. Ellie stood behind him, holding onto his shirt with her head leaned around his torso, peering forward.

"Can I help you?" Joel growled with an irritated tone.

 _Shit - what the hell is goin' on here._

A group of six men stood outside, three of them on the porch and the others standing just before the steps. Joel felt Ellie tighten her grip on his shirt, sensing she was nervous from the intimidating sight. The oldest man of the group, who stood further back, finally spoke up and broke the silence.

"That him Jason?"

The man who was responsible for loudly banging on the door, stood with his arms crossed in front of Joel and gritted his teeth as he voiced his response. "Yep, sure is Carl. That's him. That's the motherfucker who killed my boy - I goddamn know it."

"Cuff him boys," Carl said from the rear.

"Shit! Hey! What the - " Joel began to shout, his eyes widening in surprise.

He felt Ellie's hand get ripped away from his shirt as Jason and the other two men standing before the door grabbed him by the shoulders, yanked him outside then threw him down the steps of the porch into the dirt.

"What the - what the fuck!? Joel!" Ellie shouted as protective instincts of her own urged her to dart out the door and run to his side.

Joel raised his head as he quickly lifted himself to all fours and shouted back. "No! Ellie! Stay inside! Stay there baby!"

Ellie reluctantly obeyed and stopped dead in her tracks, anxiously standing in the doorway in fright. As three men corralled Joel back to the ground, Jason angrily stormed over and punched him in the jaw. Causing Ellie to let out a squeal as her heart jumped from the sight. Rage quickly filled her and all she could think about was the burning desire to slice all of their throats with her switchblade.

"That's for killin' my boy you sack of shit - an' I ain't done with you yet!" Jason spat.

"Hey! Jason - knock it off! You'll get your turn - but you swear that's him!?" Carl snapped.

"Oh I'm sure - that girl over there is who my boy was hangin' around. I left for a few days - came back and Sean was gone. I snooped around, found my boy's shoe in this asshole's backyard. I fuckin' know this piece of shit did it."

A pit formed in Ellie's stomach and she gulped as her insides twisted into a knot. The memories of Joel beating Sean on the bedroom floor, after the young man tried to rape her, shot to the forefront of her mind. She remembered thinking at the time how their actions would inevitably come back to bite them. And that is exactly what was rapidly unfolding before her, right this moment. However, one massive detail went off like an alarm in her head.

Joel didn't kill Sean. She did.

She vividly remembered, and always would, shooting him in the back with four rounds from Joel's revolver. Her lips trembled and her heart willed her mouth open to speak.

"No! Stop! He didn't do it!"

 _Fuck! Don't say it baby girl - please don't._

Joel snapped his head around and met her eyes with his. "Ellie! No! Don't!"

"I did. I shot him - four times. I shot that waste of fucking life four times!" she shouted, feeling her inner rage boiling over as she recalled Sean's behavior and attempted assault against her.

"Cuff her too," Carl said.

 _If they harm even a hair on her head... I swear to god._

"Don't you fucking touch her!" Joel barked.

Jason and another one of Carl's men jolted forward and grabbed Ellie by the arms, carrying her down the steps of the porch as she violently kicked and screamed, imploring them to let her go.

"Let me go! You don't know what the fuck happened! Fucking let me go!"

"Shut that dirty fuckin' mouth of yours brat," Jason spat.

Joel clenched his throat and felt his muscles tense in uncontrollable anger as he watched the two men roughly carry Ellie down the steps.

After writhing around, desperately trying to rid herself of her captors, she managed to wiggle free then quickly spun around.

"Fuck you!" she shouted, kicking Jason in the groin.

"Agh! Shit! Fuck! Fuck, fuck!" he shouted, reaching both hands in between his legs as he recoiled in pain.

The other man who previously had a hold of Ellie rose a hand to hit her and grabbed her by the collar with the other. Joel watched him, as if in slow motion, prepare to strike Ellie, his daughter, his little girl, in the face and he summoned all of the strength and rage that smoldered within. He immediately shook free of the three men who were pinning him down then lunged forward, smashing his forehead into the bridge of the man's nose, causing him to grab his face and cry out in pain as it spurt with blood. Joel stumbled to the ground, unable to keep his balance and his three previous captors wrestled him and Ellie down, placing a knee on their backs with their faces in the dirt.

"Why the fuck are you doing this!?" Ellie screamed as she tried to wrestle free once more, letting out grunts and growls each second.

"Christ - this one's feisty Carl," one of the men said.

"Get your hands off her you son of a bitch!" Joel shouted.

Carl calmly walked over and knelt in front of his two prisoners, but intelligently keeping a safe distance from them.

"This wasn't supposed to be a goddamn fist fight," he snapped.

Joel and Ellie lifted their heads to meet Carl's gaze. After letting out a sigh of frustration, Carl wiped his brow with the back of his hand then glared at Joel.

"I didn't believe Jason at first when he told me - but I sure as hell do now. Not to mention - there isn't a doubt in my mind anymore that you're also responsible for Michelle."

Ellie's heart sank and she glanced over at Joel, terrified of what would happen next. Her mind raced at a thousand miles an hour, rapidly sifting through horrifying scenario after horrifying scenario. Suddenly, her greatest fear screamed like a banshee in her mind. The possibility of losing Joel, losing her purpose, started to seem like it could become a reality, filling her with dread.

"Seeing your behavior here only confirms my earlier suspicion. I don't need any more answers to any more questions, which was really all I wanted to do right now dammit," Carl continued.

 _Fucking. Dammit. You got sloppy Joel - an' now you're gonna pay for it._

Joel merely laid on the ground in silence, feeling himself spiraling down a dark hole. He was helpless, powerless, and his brain couldn't muster the words to voice a logical defense. He knew he was caught and felt utterly trapped.

Jason, now able to walk again after Ellie's kick to the groin, waltzed over and kicked Joel in the ribs.

"Agh! Shit!" Joel shouted, grimacing in pain.

"Stop! Don't fucking hurt him!" Ellie yelped as tears began to form in her eyes.

"Jason! Knock it off! I'm sick of this shit and I won't have it - back the hell off!" Carl shouted, pulling Jason away.

Carl cleared his throat and crossed his arms.

"Look - this isn't before the outbreak. I own this town and I don't need a jury or a trial to fish out the truth. Here, I'm the judge, jury and in this case, the goddamn executioner."

Joel clenched his teeth and pressed his nose into the dirt.

 _Shit! Shit! SHIT!_

"Joel! What's going on? What do we do?" Ellie stammered in a panic as she turned her head, dirt and dust stuck to the side of her sweaty face.

"Just - just hang on baby it'll be okay," Joel said with a quavering voice, trying to ease her worry.

"I didn't want to do this, but I - I can't have this shit in my town. This is not why we built this place - to let people waltz on in here and act like fucking maniacs on a whim. I know you're my son in law's brother, but your behavior is out of goddamn line. I simply won't have it here, understood?"

"No! Please wait!" Ellie shouted.

 _It's all your fault. You failed to protect her from Sean and Michelle - then you had to kill them. You did this, no one else. It is all, your, fault._

"I'm giving you two until midnight. After that, I'm walking both of you outta that gate. If I ever see either of you here again, you won't receive nearly the same courtesy. I fucking swear it," Carl sneered, pointing far down the road to the entrance of the Jackson compound.

Suddenly, Tommy and Maria appeared in the distance, frantically running towards them.

"Carl! Dad! Stop!" Maria shouted at the top of her lungs.

He and his five other men turned around to see her and Tommy sprinting in their direction.

"Maria - stay out of this!" Carl yelled back.

"No! Just cool it!" Maria shouted once again, now standing with the rest of the group and gasping for air. "Just... fucking... wait," she continued through her panted breaths.

Tommy shuffled over to Joel and knelt down. "Holy shit - you two - "

"Tommy! I'm not gonna say it again! Back the fuck off!" Carl snapped. "I don't care that you're married to my daughter - step away son!"

"Jesus - alright, alright," Tommy said, backpedaling away from his brother.

"Dad! Stop! Take a fucking pill will you!?" Maria snapped, shoving her father in the chest.

Joel and Ellie lifted their heads once more and anxiously watched Maria and her father engage in an argument and battle of wills.

"Maria - do you even know what the hell these two did? They're goddamn murderers - shit... we built this place to be a safe haven - to give people a second fucking chance! Not to be some vigilante hideout where anything goes and killing people on a whim is deemed okay - for fuck sake!" Carl shouted, emphatically expressing his frustration.

Maria gritted her teeth and placed both hands on her hips. "Oh what the hell do you know!? Do you even know the whole story? Do you even care as to _why!?_ "

Carl's eyes widened and he stepped towards his daughter, raising both hands in the air. " _You_ fucking _knew!?_ " he shouted.

"Yes! Both Tommy and I did!" Maria shouted back, matching her father's step forward with one of her own.

"Don't let her talk you into anything dammit. They killed my boy! If you don't do somethin' about it I sure as hell will - I swear to fucking god!" Jason shouted.

Carl paused and his complexion turned dark red as his anger boiled over.

"Jason, do not fuck with me right now. I will send you packing with them if you don't shut up and knock it off. I'm sorry about your boy, I really am - but I'll have no more killing in my town. Period! You understand!?" he barked, pointing a finger towards Jason's chest.

Jason threw his hands in the hair and let out a sigh as he backed away.

"Let. Them. Go. Right now," Maria growled, her eyes emitting a powerful rage.

"Maria, I told - "

"Stop! Don't say another word to me until you let them go and let me speak to you first. If you don't, I'm walking right through that gate with them and _never_ coming back. Do _you_ understand?" Maria implored.

Hearing her aggressive and stern response caused Ellie to slightly smile. She looked over at Joel and for a fleeting second, thought that just maybe everything was going to be okay.

Carl sighed and rubbed his brow. "God dammit Maria... fine - let 'em go boys - for now."

"But boss - "

"Just do it!" Carl snapped.

Joel and Ellie were released from their handcuffs then quickly rose to their feet. Joel brushed off the dirt and dust from his jeans then reached out towards Ellie, hoping to wrap his arms around her as soon as possible and thus ensuring her safety.

"C'mere baby, c'mere - I've gotcha," he cooed, beckoning her over with yearning in his voice.

Within seconds of hearing his pleading call, she bolted forward and dove into his arms as she let out a small, worried squeak, diving her face into his shirt.

"We're okay, we're okay - it's gonna be alright," he soothed, kissing the top of her head.

She rotated herself around and pressed her back against his waist, feeling him tightly wrap and cross his arms around her so his hands were grasped over his elbows, encasing her in his protective embrace. She curled her forearms up and latched onto both of his wrists as she wiggled even closer against him, pressing the back of her head against his chest. Her heart rate slowed and the fear which previously consumed her began to wane as she relished being in her favorite place.

 _I've gotcha baby girl - nothin' is goin' to rip_ _ya away from me._

"You okay honey?" he quietly asked, lowering his lips to her ear.

"Yeah - yeah, I'm okay," she softly responded with a tilt of the head.

Joel heaved a sigh of relief, then immediately darted his anger filled gaze towards Jason.

"I swear to god if you fuckin' touch my little girl again, I'll - "

"Joel! Shut up! You're not making this any better!" Maria shouted.

 _She's right. You dumb ass - just shut the hell up and let her deal with it. You ain't helpin' shit._

Joel obeyed and simply dropped his head then cleared his throat.

Carl shook his head and placed both hands on his hips before letting out another sigh.

"Alright Maria - you've got an hour to make your case. You better get started," he said, glaring at his daughter.

"Joel, Ellie - go back inside. Let me deal with this," Maria commanded, turning her head over her shoulder.

"Yes ma'am," Joel acknowledged with a nod.

He leaned down and lifted Ellie into his arms to carry her inside. He _refused_ to let go of her in the presence of someone who tried to strike her and she wrapped hers around his neck then nestled her head into his shoulder.

"Let's go sweet pea - c'mon."

"Yeah - fuck these guys," she responded as she looked up at him.

The two of them went back inside and Joel kicked the door shut behind him. He gently set Ellie down on the couch then plopped himself next to her. After rubbing both hands over his face and wiping the sweat from his brow, he tried to slow his breathing, feeling exhausted from the previous ten minutes. He leaned his head back, resting it on the cushion behind him and stared up at the ceiling. An enormous wave of guilt washed over him as he tried to process what just occurred and what consequences would inevitably come their way.

 _It's all your fault - you failed._

After a few seconds of silence between them, Ellie crawled into his lap, curled into a ball and nuzzled into his shirt. Her warming presence drew his attention back to her and caused him to once again engulf her little frame with his arms.

"What the fuck do we do!? What's gonna happen!?" she stammered in his embrace.

Joel lowered his lips and kissed her hair.

"For starters, reckon you still need to eat."

"Okay... but - seriously, what the hell's gonna happen? What're they gonna do!?" she continued in angst.

 _Gotta stay calm Joel - you freak out an' you're gonna scare her._

"Shh, shh - we're okay - we're gonna be alright," he cooed, gently pressing a finger to her lips.

 _Everything's gonna be fine - just stay the fuck calm. Maria will bail your sorry ass outta this - woman's a saint._

"But seriously this time - let's get some food in ya, okay?" he said after taking a deep breath.

"How the fuck can you be so calm about this!? But - whatever... sure... alright - let's eat."

* * *

While Ellie slowly picked away at her food, Joel did his best to contain his emotions, refusing to let his outer shell crack in front of her. He attempted engaging her in lighthearted conversation, only to find she would have none of it. She simply stared at her plate in silence, giving terse responses at best as fear of the unknown gripped her. The more time went by, the more she thought her greatest fear would soon come to fruition.

She, like Joel, felt utterly powerless. Eventually, he went upstairs and drew her a bath, hoping it would help put her at ease. After she departed the kitchen for the warm water and bubbles that awaited her in the tub, he flopped himself on the couch, hoping to relax his mind in the lonesome silence.

 _Just stop thinkin' about it - ain't gonna do ya any good. There's nothin' you can do - just find somethin' to distract yourself._

He brought a hand behind his head and crossed his feet as he propped them up on the armrest. He closed eyes and thought about the earlier, heart warming moment from upstairs with Ellie. He remembered her sitting on the floor, cross-legged with a smile on her face as she serenaded him with the guitar and her voice. That was the first time she ever sang to him, something he originally thought would never happen. The recent memory caused a slight smile to stretch across his face and it temporarily pushed aside the earlier panic that was quickly pooling within him. Then, a knock on the door, this time much softer than before, immediately roped him back to reality, taunting his mind as it only reminded him of what transpired earlier.

 _Shit - here we go._

"Who is it!?" He yelled from his horizontal position on the couch.

"It's us - Maria and Tommy," Maria's voice softly mumbled from the other side of the door.

"C'mon in!"

He watched the door creak open and in came the two of them. Their faces seemed expressionless, as if they weren't emitting an ounce of emotion. He lifted himself to a sitting posture and rubbed the back of his head then let out a massive sigh of frustration.

"Look, I'm - "

"Stop. It doesn't matter - after what they did to Ellie - I would've done the same thing. Don't you dare apologize," Maria said.

"Joel... we need to talk," Tommy said.

 _That don't sound good. Never does._

Maria and Tommy slowly lowered themselves onto the couch next to him then looked at each other in despair.

Joel's nerves were screaming in angst as he awaited their first words and Maria dropped her head and let out a deep breath as she reached for his hand.

"Joel, I..." she paused and cleared her throat.

"Christ Maria - you're killin' me here - c'mon," Joel impatiently said.

"I just want you to know that I... I did _everything_ I possibly could," she continued.

Joel fidgeted in his seat and cracked his knuckles. "I believe ya - wouldn't think anything else."

"I told Carl about what happened - everything - and I told him he was being ridiculous."

"Alright, yeah?"

Maria felt her eyes beginning to water and she a massive lump formed in her throat as she struggled to keep herself together. She took another deep breath and looked Joel in the eyes, meeting his intense stare with her own.

"Ellie can stay. But you have to go. I'm sorry... it - it was the best I could do."

 _Fuck. Me._

 _But please, don't leave  
_ _Don't leave_

* * *

 **AN** _ **:**_ **I do not take credit for the lyrics or anything to do with the song titled** _ **Strong Enough by Sheryl Crow**_ **as it is the property of her and her record label. Good song though.**


	4. Heartbreak

**AN: I won't lie, I nearly started to cry when I wrote this. We're really moving along now. Another long one, hope you enjoy it.**

* * *

Joel's heart sank and he could the feel the contents of his lunch climbing into his throat from his stomach. Everything seemed to happen so fast. It was only an hour ago that Ellie was singing and playing the guitar for him. And now, everything they'd built between them since arriving in Jackson was under siege. The entire situation felt dire and hopeless and left his mind free-falling down a bottomless pit as everything he held dear was now being threatened.

He wasn't, however, thinking about himself. He was thinking about Ellie, about her well being, not his and the unknown of how she would react was tearing him apart.

Maria and Tommy stared at him in silence, waiting for him to muster a response. They could hear the grinding of his teeth and the cracking of his knuckles as he angrily withdrew into his own head.

 _Shit. Shit. Shit. There ain't a damn thing you can do... FUCK! God dammit... well - it could be worse. That asshole could'a kicked her out as well. At least she gets to stay - means she'll be safe. No - what the hell are you sayin' Joel? You're gonna hurt her even more by leavin' her here without ya - an' you can't live without her - you fuckin' know that... wait - no. Protectin' her has always been the most damn important thing of all an' she'll be safe here. She'll be much safer here than out on the road with my sorry ass. I just... fuck. I don't even know where to begin with this... there has to be some way - this can't be fuckin' happenin' - I still don't believe this shit!_

Tommy cleared his throat and finally broke the strenuous silence among the three of them.

"Joel - say somethin' - anything dammit. You're killin' us here."

Joel's intense and morose stare shifted from the floor to his brother and sister-in-law, causing their eyes to widen in angst.

"What the hell you want me to say Tommy!?" he snapped.

Tommy and Maria flinched in reaction to the sudden and loud retort.

"I - I know... look - he agreed to give ya the night - you'll leave tomorrow an' he's gonna give ya all the supplies you'll need before sendin' - " Tommy started to choke up. "Sendin' you on your way... god dammit I can't believe - I... I gotta say goodbye to my damn brother again. We're sorry Joel - we fuckin' tried," he finished, bringing both hands to his forehead as he rose to his feet.

He walked over to the window and sniffled then wiped his eyes.

"Fuck!" he growled through an exasperated whisper, slamming a fist into the wall.

"Oh - well shit. Supplies - that fixes everything! No - I don't give a _shit_ about supplies - or myself for that matter. How the hell do you think Ellie's gonna take this!? What the fuck do I say to her huh!? I don't even... fuckin' - I'm at a loss god dammit!" Joel hissed through a whisper, not wanting Ellie to be privy of the conversation just yet.

He stood up from the couch then anxiously paced back and forth in the living room, causing Maria to get up and gently place a hand on his shoulder. Her touch drew his attention.

"Maria - there's gotta be... I mean - there has to be somethin' we can do, right? There has to be - this ain't happenin' - this can't be fuckin' real," he pleaded, worry and fear shooting from his eyes.

"We... we tried. We really did - I can't believe it's happening either but... it - it is. He's made up his mind - that's it - nothing more to it. I'm - I'm so sorry. There's nothing more we can do," she replied, stumbling through her words.

He stopped pacing and took a step towards her.

"What if it was you huh? You're his daughter - what if you were nearly raped then a few days later beaten within inches of your life? What the fuck would he have done then? Just let it go? Christ - I don't believe that for a second. This shit is ridiculous - lemme talk with him," he continued.

"But it didn't happen to me! So to him it doesn't even matter!" she responded angrily.

"Shh - keep your voice down dammit!" he implored through another loud whisper. "An' it does matter. It sure as hell matters - have Carl put himself in my position - see what he'd do."

Tommy turned his gaze from the window and spoke over his shoulder.

"Joel - can't say I didn't warn - "

"Tommy! Don't even fuckin' say it! We're past that an' you're only gonna get your ass beat if you keep that up!" Joel barked back at is brother.

"Yeah, yeah... goddammit," Tommy muttered, rubbing his brow.

Maria took a step back and sighed.

"Look... Joel - it doesn't matter to him. Carl has never, ever lived in the world of hypotheticals - he just doesn't. It didn't happen to me - so to him... it's a moot point. It's stupid I know - but I'm just... I'm just telling you what's going through that head of his."

Joel paused and took a deep breath as he furrowed his brow and scratched his beard, digging his fingernails deep into his skin until it hurt.

 _She's right - there ain't a damn thing you can do. For once, your sorry ass is really trapped. Can't get outta this one._

"Fuck - I... shit - I don't even know what I'm gonna say to Ellie. The hell am I supposed to do here?" he said, gritting his teeth once more in frustration.

"Joel... I - I know. We're so, so sorry. I... fuck!" Maria shouted as she turned away from him, losing her composure and feeling her eyes beginning to water.

Tommy lifted himself from his leaning posture against the wall and spoke.

"Tell her the truth - ya have to."

Joel sat back down and held his head with both hands as he began to truly rationalize the predicament they were in.

"I know," he softly said after letting out a sigh.

 _You can't even lie your way outta this one you sack of shit. You gotta tell her the truth - even if you could lie, don't fuckin' do it. You're lucky she's still with ya after pullin' that shit last time._

"Let her make up her own mind 'bout what she wants to do. Nothin' is sayin' she has to uhh... ya know - stay here," Tommy cautiously continued, unsure of what reaction he would get out of his brother.

Maria snapped her head around and barked back at her husband. "Tommy!"

"It's the damn truth."

 _He's right. She will make her own decision - an' that's exactly what I'm afraid of._

"Yeah... that's what I'm worried about. She's gonna fight tooth an' nail to come with me - but I reckon she can't. It's too dangerous... I can't - " he paused and felt his eyes beginning to water when he finally realized that him and Ellie, his little girl, his purpose and the most important thing in his life, might actually have to part ways.

Forever.

"Her an' I've come this far - she's happy here - has a real life. If I drag her outta here... I'll only be ensurin' her demise dammit. She's gotta stay - she has to - maybe it's time we... say goodbye," he continued, staring at the floor in a combination of rage and sorrow.

Then, the moment all of them were dreading reared its head as they heard the quick patter of Ellie's footsteps as she hastily descended the stairs, filling all of their nerves with unbearable anxiety. She rounded the corner and walked into the living room, only to see the three of them staring at her newly arrived presence in despair.

Her hair was still damp from the bath and tied in its usual pony tail. She changed into her over-sized sweat pants, a t-shirt and her flannel, _his_ flannel that she now always slept in.

Seeing her in this moment, looking clean, innocent and dressed as she was, only reminded Joel of holding her tight while she slept. All he could think about was feeling her cuddled in his arms and her little frame keeping him warm at night.

He cleared his throat then bit his tongue, forcing his brain to focus on a set of nerve endings that weren't located behind his eyes.

"Maria! You're back - what'd he say? What's the deal? You talked to him right? Everything's gonna be okay!?" Ellie asked in earnest as she ran over and sat down next to Joel, wrapping both hands around his arm.

He didn't budge or even twitch in reaction to her touch. He remained rigid and motionless, staring at the floor in front of him while clenching his knuckles shut.

 _She can't come with you - don't make this harder than it already is. Quit babyin' her - it'll only make it more painful if ya do... but Jesus I wanna hold her right now... no - don't! Don't do it Joel - don't fuckin' do it._

Maria sniffled, wiped her eyes with a sleeve then sat back down on the couch while Tommy remained leaning against the wall, fiddling with his fingernails.

"Ellie... listen. First, I just want you to know that we did everything we could - and everything is gonna be okay, alright?" Maria started.

"Don't fucking say that! Tell me what the hell is going on then I can judge that for myself!" Ellie snapped.

"Okay, okay - you're right," Maria replied.

Ellie took a deep breath and tightened her grip around Joel's arm, bracing herself for Maria's next words. Again, he didn't respond to her yearning for physical contact.

"Ellie, you can stay. But Joel has to go... and... and that's it. I'm so sorry," Maria said as tears began to run down her cheeks.

"WHAT!? JOEL!?" Ellie shouted in response, immediately turning her head hoping to meet his eyes.

He remained staring forward like a statue, elbows on his knees and his lips pressed into his interlocked hands, refusing to look at her.

"It's true Ellie. Reckon that's what it's come down to," he slowly replied.

"What the fuck!? No! That's - that's bull shit! Well - then... then I'm coming with you! I'm going too then! Fuck this!" she shouted.

"Ellie - " Joel started, slightly turning his head to acknowledge her increasing frantic state.

"No! Stop! I won't let you say no!" she continued, her voice beginning to crack due to the lump quickly forming in her throat.

Maria rose to her feet and brought a hand over her mouth. "Oh god... I can't... I can't watch this," she muttered, walking into the kitchen to cry by herself.

"Joel - there has to be something we can do - anything - I mean, Carl now knows everything - Maria told him right? What if we just talk to him and then - "

"Ellie, shh," he said, interrupting her. "There ain't a damn thing we can do - that's it. Tomorrow I'm outta here - end of story."

Tommy left the living room and followed Maria to the kitchen to console her.

Ellie began tugging on Joel's shirt and tried to wiggle her way into his lap. Only this time, he wasn't welcoming her in like normal. He resisted and even tried to pull away. It was the first time he'd ever shied away from her contact and his neglect immediately caused her green, little eyes to crystallize.

"Joel! What're you - look at me - no - what the - what're you doing!? Why - why won't you - " she nervously stammered.

 _Baby girl - please don't make this harder than it has to be._

Her desire to be close to him grew in intensity and she aggressively clawed for his affection once sensing his attempt to push her away. She reached both hands around his head, clasping her fingers together across his cheek and attempted to pull his head around while desperately trying to press herself against him.

It was no use, he only stiffened his neck, resisting her tugging and the urge within himself to simply spin around and pull her into his arms and provide the comfort she yearned for. His persistent struggle to distance himself caused tears to drip from her eyelids and she let out a scared, little squeak, begging him to acknowledge her touch with his.

"Joel! No! Look at me! What's - what's going on - why won't - what're - what're you doing!?" she pressed on, this time with a heart wrenching level of angst and desperation in her voice.

He gently placed both hands around her waist and slowly pushed her away then got up from the couch. He started pacing across the living room again and brought a hand to his brow, still fighting every tear that tried to escape his eyes. This was killing him as much as it was her, something both of them knew.

Ellie, feeling utterly rejected, hurt and heartbroken from getting shoved away when she _needed_ him so badly, curled both legs into her chest and continued to cry.

"Why won't you let me go with you!? You said you would never leave me! You promised! You said you loved me!" she yelled.

Her last statement immediately ceased his pacing and he turned to finally respond.

"You'll be goddamn safer here Ellie! How many fuckin' close calls did we have on the road, huh!? I don't want you gettin' hurt an' you'll be safe here! We've gotten ya this far an' you're finally livin' a normal damn life that ya deserve! I don't wanna ruin that!" he retorted, snapping back at her.

His sharp tone caused her to flinch, but he never scared her. He wouldn't _dare_ hurt her and she knew it, so she scooted towards the edge of the couch, ready to match his aggressiveness with her own.

"Oh cut the shit Joel - you and I both know that's not what this is about."

"What?" he said, crossing his arms.

"Look - I know you're petrified of losing another daughter - _losing_ me. I get that - but we've taken care of each other just fine so far!"

"Do I need to remind you what the hell is out there!? All it takes is one goddamn slip up - one fuckin' mistake an' it's all over - done - bye bye!" he shouted in response, pointing towards the front door.

"At least if you're here I know you're safe an' alive!" he continued.

Ellie angrily shot to her feet from the couch.

"Don't fucking tell me to remember what's out there - I _always_ know what's out there! I have something to remind me of it every single fucking day, remember!?" she spat back as she rolled up her sleeve, exposing the scar on her arm.

Joel rested both hands on his hips and sighed.

"Ellie - you can't come with me. Ya have to stay here. There's a health center here an' everything to take care of ya in case anything - or somethin' - "

"Stop!" she interrupted. " _You've_ taken care of me this whole time! You just swore to me upstairs that everything Anne said doesn't change a thing! You fucking said it! You said we'll manage and figure it out - like we do with everything else! Because we're a team! Why the fuck has that changed all of a sudden!?"

"'Cause I don't trust myself - okay!? Out there! On the road! I'm gettin' old Ellie - someday I'm gonna be long gone an' you're gonna have to live without me. Besides - eventually you're gonna have needs that I can't... that I can't fuckin' meet - might as well start now for Christ sake!" he shouted back.

That one hurt, bad. She felt her heart skip a beat in agony after hearing the crushing response, though she knew it was true. Someday, he would be gone, for good and she would be on her own, living the rest of her life without him. Her lips trembled and more tears flowed from her eyes as she took another, cautious step towards him.

"Is that really how you feel? Are you fucking kidding me Joel!? You've _always_ known what I need - always! I need _you!_ That won't ever fucking change... don't you know that?" she said, finishing with a sigh as she placed both hands on her hips.

She darted her eyes towards the floor then clasped both hands over her face and mumbled.

"You know what - "

"What?"

"If I'd known you were just gonna fucking bail on me down the road... I would'a rather you'd just let them go through with it back in Salt Lake. What - so you save my life, care for me, nurture me, _love_ me more than anyone ever has - just so you can shove me away - take off and leave me all _alone_ and abandoned? After I've become so _fucking_ attached to you!? God!" she shouted, feeling her anger building again as she threw both hands in the air.

She bit her lip in frustration, nearly causing it to bleed before continuing.

"That's fucked up Joel - _really_ fucked up. You should'a just let them cut me open and kill me if you were gonna do _this_ regardless. Is this how you've always treated people you _love?_ "

He flinched and felt his heart shatter into a million pieces. She was surgically ripping him apart with her pointed words, words which he knew were undoubtedly accurate and true. He paused and shook his head then took another step backwards, again distancing himself from the little girl who was forcing him into a corner.

 _Oh fuck me. Baby I... Jesus - Joel, you're a terrible damn human being. You promised her you'd never leave her - that she'd never be alone. She's right, that's fucked up - you're fucked up... just go pick her up and wrap her in your arms... no! Don't you dare._

"Ellie, look - "

"Don't say it - don't say it again because it's not gonna fucking work."

She wiped her eyes then let out a sniffle.

"Joel - if you leave me here... I'll only be more scared and - and _so_ fucking terrified and alone. I won't be safer here, I'm safest _with you_ \- no one else," she softly continued, reaching for his hand.

"Tommy an' Maria will be here - you ain't gonna be alone Ellie," he responded, again pulling away from her attempted contact.

A long, awkward silence fell between them as he turned his back to her and rested his forehead against the wall.

"I know what you're trying to do," she sternly said through her tears.

 _Goddammit - 'course she does - can't hide anything from her._

"I know what's going through that head of yours. You think if you push me away and get me to hate your fucking guts I'll stay and not come with you."

 _Fuck._

She slowly approached him once again.

"But that doesn't matter. That doesn't _fucking_ matter. You can yell at me, ignore me and neglect me all you want - hell you could fucking beat me and I'd still crawl my way to you. No matter how hard you may try to push me away, you're not getting rid of me. You can't get rid of me even if you try - remember?"

 _Baby girl I would never... god dammit - she loves you Joel what the hell are you doin'!?_

She took another step towards him then gently wrapped both arms around his waist, resting her head against his back. This time, he made no attempt to pull away and instead she could feel his body quiver from the contact and the sting in his eyes that was becoming too strong to resist.

 _You can't give in - no matter how much you love her or may want to... she's safest here - even if it's away from you... right?_

He felt her skinny, little arms wrapped around him and the warmth from her torso against his back, making the urge to give in all too great. He felt her lips press against his shirt then heard a sniffle before she spoke again.

"Even if you sneak off in the night and run away from me - I'll find you. I'll walk to the end of the earth and back to find you until I fucking collapse from exhaustion and die," she mumbled, feeling a tear drip from her cheek onto his shirt.

 _She will too - you know she will. You'd only put her in harms away if you were to just up an' leave like a coward._

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, faintly hearing the beat of his heart as she pressed an ear against his back.

"We're a team - remember? You promised you'd never leave me - you _promised_. What about everything that's happened between us? You're just gonna throw it all away? You know - I always thought that you... that you'd never hurt me - _ever_. I would be so scared and alone without you - life wouldn't be worth fucking living - and I know you know what I mean by that - don't make me say it. Please don't - don't leave me - please Joel. You've not just become my dad - you're also my _best_ friend and I love you," she softly spoke, struggling to mutter the words through her crying that was quickly turning into uncontrollable sobs.

 _She's dying here - listen to her voice - she needs you an' you're gonna kill her - literally - if you keep this up._

He reached down and grabbed her small hands, peeling them off of his waist then turned around to see her face.

There she was, gazing up into his eyes, looking as fragile and vulnerable as he'd ever seen. Tears ran down her cheeks and over her freckles and the expression across her face screamed her begging desire for him to pull her into his arms. There wasn't a single thing she wanted more. Her small, little frame shook like a leaf in the wind, trembling in fear. She looked as if she teetered on the edge of a cliff, only to helplessly fall to the ground and shatter to pieces if he made even one more attempt to push her away.

He cupped her cheek with a palm, completely enveloping the side of her face with his hand. It only reminded him of how _delicate_ and _breakable_ she still was despite her tough exterior. Regardless, she was prepared to risk everything. She was ready to sacrifice her own life to follow him no matter where he went. And that, all on its own, drove a dagger through the heart of his resistance.

 _Oh baby - I love you so goddamn much._

"Oh sweetie," he softly cooed, rubbing the scar above her eye with his thumb.

Finally, a small, slight smile appeared across her lips as she continued to adorably look up at him with her tear stained cheeks.

"C'mere baby - c'mere baby girl," he said, pulling her into his arms and gently caressing the back of her head.

She had nothing left. She threw _everything_ she had at him. She slit her wrists and prayed it would pull him back, keeping him at her side. She was completely emotionally spent and feeling herself be engulfed by his embrace was the final straw. After letting out a massive sigh of relief she simply stood there sobbing in his arms, weeping into his shirt while he held her for minutes.

"Shhh - it's okay honey," he said before lowering his lips to kiss her hair.

"But you still have to go - it's not fucking fair!" she screamed into his chest as she let out a sob.

"I know baby - I know. Life ain't ever fair."

In one, swift motion he reached behind her legs and lifted her into his arms then sat down on the couch with her in his lap. She clasped both hands around the back of his neck and gazed into his eyes. And within seconds, the earlier tension and panic that constricted her muscles eased away.

"Don't push me away like that again - you'll... you'll kill me," she muttered with a light, tear filled laugh.

Without saying a word, he grabbed the back of her head and wrapped his other arm around her back, pulling her small, bony frame tightly into his chest. After kissing her on the cheek, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, resting the side of his head against hers.

"From now on when I want you to hold me - you better fucking do it," she said as she let out another small, airy laugh.

He kissed her again then leaned down to whisper in her ear.

"Always sweet pea... but Ellie - " he paused and cleared his throat, feeling the motion of her chest from breathing come to a halt.

She slowly lifted her head from his shoulder and let out another sniffle. "Yeah?"

He wiped a tear from her cheek and lovingly looked into her eyes.

"Ellie - I want ya to do one thing for me."

"Okay," she said.

He could feel the tip of her pony tail brush against his hand as it bounced up and down during the nod of her head.

"Look baby - I love you - more than anything in the whole damn world - reckon more than my own life. But I want ya to seriously think about this, alright?"

"Wait - wha - what do you mean?" she asked with a puzzled look.

"If you wanna come with me, I ain't gonna stop ya. In fact, nothin' would make me happier than havin' my little munchkin by my side. But you _will_ be safer here. We haven't been on the road in awhile an' I'm outta shape - got a damn limp now - an' I reckon we've gotten rusty if ya know what I mean. I only want what's best for ya sweetheart - I just want ya to be safe an' happy. All I ask, is that you at least _consider_ stayin' here, alright?"

"But Joel - "

"Shh, shh - it's okay Ellie. Like I said - I love ya more than anything. I'll keep you safe and hold you tight forever if that's what you want but... just - please think about this. I don't want you doin' anything rash on my account. I couldn't fuckin' live with myself if I dragged you out there with me an' ya ended up bein' miserable - or... worse. I want you to make this decision on your own - alright? You're old enough an' I respect the hell outta ya - so I want you to come to your own conclusion."

"You don't _want_ me to come with you?" she asked as another painful, heartbreaking look washed over her face.

"No, no - that ain't what I said Ellie, not at all. I'll say it again - I always want ya around - always. You're my - "

He kissed her on the cheek.

"Little."

He kissed her on the forehead.

"Baby."

He kissed her on the other cheek.

"Remember? Always. I just want what's best for you - an' right now that means _you_ makin' this decision for yourself, alright?"

 _Careful what you wish for - could your sorry ass really handle leavin' her behind if she chooses to stay? You wouldn't see her... ever again. You'd split ways for goddamn ever._

A combination of emotions filled her at once. On one hand she felt hurt and annoyed that he didn't simply make it easy, imploring her to come with him, or even continue to force her to stay. On the other, she felt empowered, independent and loved even more, knowing that this time, unlike in Salt Lake, her opinion and what she wanted was taken into account. She knew how important she was to him and that had never been more evident than right this moment. It felt strange and even scary, but it also felt _good_.

"Yeah - okay. I... I will - I promise," she responded after wiping her eyes and heaving another sigh.

He smiled and cupped a palm over her cheek again.

"That's my girl. Ya don't have to decide now - hell, you don't have to decide 'til I'm about to walk through that gate. But I want you to think about it."

She returned his smile with hers then wiped her nose with a sleeve.

"You got it - I will. But I want you to do one thing for me too."

"Anything sweetheart."

"Tonight - we don't fucking talk about it... at all. Just... enjoy the rest of the evening - just us two. Can... can we do that?"

Tommy and Maria collectively cleared their throats as they stood against the wall across the room. Ellie shot her head around and wrapped both arms around Joel's neck, pulling herself closer to him as she looked their way.

"Oh - shit... how long have you guys been standing there?" she asked, feeling Joel kiss her on the cheek once more.

"Long enough - but we'll leave you two be. We'll uhh... we'll be there tomorrow when - "

"Tommy - no, stop. Don't say it - we know," Ellie said, interrupting him.

"Yeah - alright."

"We'll see you two tomorrow - good night," Maria said as they made their way out.

"Night," Joel replied.

* * *

That night, he did exactly as she asked and the topic of his departure and her decision never arose. Instead, they cooked dinner together, played checkers and talked for hours as they reminisced on memories and moments they shared over the past year and then some.

After hours of enjoying the presence of each other and cherishing the last normal evening in Jackson they would have together, Ellie fell asleep on the couch curled up next to Joel. Upon finishing his whiskey, he scooped her up and carried her upstairs to bed. Immediately after lowering himself into the sheets, he felt her snuggle up against him, resting her head on his chest and stretching a little arm over him.

"Rrawrr," she softly and playfully growled as she nuzzled into him.

He tilted his head and looked down to see her getting as close to him as she could.

"The hell's this? What's this creature an' what'd it do to my little Ellie?" he jokingly asked.

"Arrrrr," she quietly continued, gently biting his shoulder which laid beneath her.

"Tssht - you're too cute," he said as he affectionately rubbed her cheek with a thumb.

Both of them let out deep breaths, closed their eyes and tried to fall asleep. However, for Ellie, the task of dozing off seemed impossible. Now that it was evident their night was coming to an end, she urged herself to stay awake and postpone the inevitable of tomorrow.

She simply tried to sync her breathing with his, feeling his chest expand beneath her head with each of his breaths. But, within seconds of her body relaxing in his comforting presence, her mind began feeling the weight of the decision that loomed above her head.

 _Man - what the fuck! This is too hard - I can't... I can't do this! Ugh - yes you can Ellie, c'mon. You went years when it was just you on your own - maybe it won't be that bad. Wait - what!? No! I can't imagine living without him! Can I do it? Maria and Tommy will still be here - there's no Infected to deal with - no fucking Hunters. Aaagghhh - my god - but I love him! He's my dad and he'll need me out there - I know he will! But he just wants me to be safe... maybe I should stay then - if that's what he really wants. And what about needing to eat all the time now? Where would we get food if I didn't stay here? Ohhhh... this fucking blows - I still need you._

She slowly and softly patted her hand on the mattress, seeking his, then let out a small, quiet peep coupled with a frown when she couldn't find it.

 _Gimme!_

After hearing her barely audible noise he quickly slid his hand under hers, allowing her to intertwine their fingers and causing her frown to fade.

 _My god Ellie - how the fuck will you be able to sleep without him? Someday you'll have to learn though... someday._

Joel wrapped his other arm around her back then kissed her hair.

"Still awake?" he asked.

She slowly nodded her head, sliding her cheek up and down against his chest.

"Mmhmm - you?" she softly mumbled.

"Barely - fadin' fast though," he said with his eyes closed, feeling the overpowering tiredness from within take over.

Ellie let out a small laugh.

"I know I said to not mention it but - I think I'll have to take into account how much I'll fucking miss having you as my pillow."

Joel snickered.

"See? You're doin' it just like I asked - weighin' everything - takin' it all into account. That's my girl," he softly responded, gently stroking her hair.

She let out a sniffle and felt her eyes beginning to water once again.

"Joel... I can't do this - it's too hard!" she said with a whine, pressing her nose into his shirt and tightening the grip on his hand.

"Shhh sweet pea - I know... I know - no one said it would be easy."

"I know," she murmured with a sigh.

All of a sudden, she could hear him begin to lightly snore as the weight of his eyelids became too heavy to resist. Hearing the audible evidence of his slumber caused her frown to return, knowing that tomorrow was indeed almost a reality.

She felt her eyes rapidly fill with tears then let out another big sniffle as she pressed her cheek even harder against his chest.

 _This isn't fucking fair - he's my dad - no one should have to make this decision! But I know he only wants what's best for me... why is this happening? Why!? Fuck!_

After minutes of quiet contemplation, she couldn't fight it any longer. For an hour, she simply wept and cried in emotional agony, quietly sobbing into the fabric of his shirt beneath her cheek. Each time she thought the sorrow faded, her eyes continued to drip more tears down her face, keeping her awake and in pain.

Eventually, she clenched them shut and took a deep breath as she tried to refocus her attention on his breathing and the beat of his heart.

 _Maybe it really is time - oh god..._

"I love you - but I know what I have to do," she whispered through a sniffle.

Finally, she drifted off to sleep and felt sure about her decision, or so she thought.

* * *

 _There it is - that fucking gate - that stupid thing means all of this is over - it's all about to go away. Fuck! Can I do it? Can I keep on living without him here?_

The two of them walked hand in hand towards the exit of the Jackson compound. Carl and his men, along with Maria and Tommy followed behind, escorting them out.

"Still not gonna change your fucking mind Carl?" Maria snapped at her father.

"Maria - don't push it - I was gonna do a lot worse."

Tommy turned his head and angrily leered at his father-in-law.

Joel came to a stop, and the gate which represented the horrific end of his bond with Ellie, was a mere forty yards away. He turned and knelt down, so this time he was looking up at her.

 _No, no, no - I can't do this - can't it be further away - just give us another hour - oh god what the fuck - no! This isn't fucking fair!_

"Hey baby girl," he softly said, reaching out and caressing her other hand.

 _Don't cry, don't cry - you'll only make this harder - oh god... I can't help it - I'm gonna cry - I can feel it._

Her eyes immediately began dripping and she let out a sniffle.

"Hey pops," she mumbled.

Her response evoked a small, bittersweet smile from both of them.

"C'mon! Move it Joel!" Carl barked.

Maria turned around and sneered at her father. "Dad! Fuck off! Give them a few minutes will you!? Jesus Christ!" she shouted.

"How you doin' honey?" Joel quietly asked, gently rubbing her little hand and fingers.

Ellie wiped her eyes and struggled to hold back a sob. "Been better - not gonna lie."

She couldn't resist it any longer and broke down in tears then lunged into his arms, resting her chin on his shoulder.

"Oh baby - shh, shh - I know, I know," he cooed, squeezing his forearm across her back and feeling her bony, little shoulder blades against his wrist.

"It's not fucking fair!" she stammered in his arms.

"I know - it ain't ever fair."

Maria turned to her father once again, only to see him and even his men, choking up from the sight.

"See what you've done? You're a fucking asshole Dad - always were," Maria snapped.

She grabbed Tommy by the hand and walked over to Joel and Ellie.

"Maria - " Carl started.

"Don't fucking talk to me! I'll come to you when I'm ready - don't hold your breath," she barked back over her shoulder.

Joel gently peeled Ellie off of him and pulled her head away from his shoulder then lifted her chin with a finger.

 _He knows - he already knows what I'm gonna do - he always knows. He wants me to stay - to grow up and be happy - and that's... that's what I have to try and do - for him - I can do it. God I hope I can do it... I can right? But wait! This is insane - why!? Ugh! But he's right! I'm gonna have to learn to live without him eventually - I can do this... I think._

"Did ya know I used to be addicted to soap?" he softly said with a smile.

She let out an airy laugh coupled with a sniffle through her tears, appreciative of his lighthearted attempt at humor.

"But now you're clean?" she promptly responded.

"Yep!" he said, running a hand through her hair.

A long silence fell between the two of them as they simply gazed into each other's eyes. Neither wanted this moment to end, and everything they'd been through, all of the memories and experiences they shared, collectively ran through their minds. All of the promises they made, everything that they swore to one another and built between them, was about to be ripped apart. The universe finally, somehow, found a way to split them up and the umbilical cord that tied them together would be snapped in half.

Her lips began to tremble in despair, causing him to raise a finger and gently press it against them.

"Shh - it's okay sweetie. I'm glad you thought about it - you did exactly as I asked. Now c'mere - let me get my arms around ya one last time."

 _One last time - ONE LAST TIME! THIS IS THE LAST TIME! Oh god! Fuck! No, no, no! I can't! But... but it has to be this way - it's for the best - right!?_

He encased her in his arms and lifted her off the ground. He clutched her little frame against him as he kissed her hair, bringing her head against his chest just below his chin. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, taking in the soothing scent of her hair while he relished feeling her close for one, final, last time.

 _Please don't let go! I could stay here for fucking ever! How the - how is he holding himself together? Oh, right - for me. He's always strong when I need him to be - but he's dying on the inside - I can fucking see it in his eyes! This is killing both of us! This is so stupid - why the fuck are we doing this!?_

He gently set her back down and kissed her on the forehead.

"I love you baby - always. _Always_ \- alright?" he said, looking into her eyes as he cupped her cheek.

She whimpered, let out another sniffle and wiped her nose then nodded. "I know - I love you too."

"An' you'll always be my little, baby girl - no matter what," he continued.

She nodded once again as he fondly admired the familiar bounce of her pony tail that always followed the motion of her head.

 _Oh no - he's getting mushy on me again. He's gonna kill me if he keeps it up - I don't think I can do this - fuck! Yes... yes you can Ellie - c'mon you got this - just... you're gonna wanna die for the first fucking day - maybe days - maybe weeks - months - years! Oh god - shit, shit, shit! This really is for the best - right!? RIGHT!?_

"I'll always be with you - in that heart of yours - I'll always be with you," he said, gently patting her small chest with a palm.

"Goodbye Joel - Da - Daddy," she stuttered through her tears.

She slowly pulled both hands away then took a step backwards towards Maria and felt the woman gently place a hand on her shoulder.

She finally witnessed a lone tear escape from his eye and run down his cheek just before he turned around, thus yanking out another violent sob from her. She anxiously watched each and every step he took towards the gate, tears steaming down her cheeks, dreading the moment she would see his figure disappear behind it. Her heart was profusely bleeding in pain, feeling as if a part of her had been ripped away.

She would never see him again. He would never see her again. And soon, he would be gone.

Forever.

 _Stay strong Ellie - you can do this, you can fucking do this. Oh god - no, no, no... no I can't! I'll never be in his arms again - I'll never hear his voice again - I'll never, ever laugh again! But... this is what I have to do, right? This is for the best... isn't it?_

As he got closer and closer to the gate, her heart began to race as panic seeped into her veins. It felt as if her bloodstream now consisted of raw adrenaline more than anything else. Her lips trembled once more and she twitched forward, causing Maria's hand to tug on her shoulder. Upon feeling the restriction of Maria's hand and knowing Joel was leaving her behind, she couldn't help but let out a whimper and a heartbreaking, terrified, nervous squeal.

 _No, no, no! What the fuck am I doing!? What the hell are WE doing!?_ _This isn't right!_ _This goes against everything I've been fighting and living for! Riley would chop my fucking head off if she knew what I was doing! We're supposed to fight for every second we get to spend with each other - no matter what!_ _This doesn't make any fucking sense! He's all I have - I'm all he has - he's the only reason I'm living - nothing else matters if he's not here - I don't give a shit about what Anne said! I'll get ripped to pieces until there's nothing left of me and die anyway if I stay here without him! We'll figure everything out - together, like he said - I know it's what he really wants - he wants me with him - I know it! After everything we've been through - the promises he made - all of the shit we've fought through, TOGETHER! I'm not letting him go! FUCK THIS!_

She ripped herself away from Maria and immediately quickened to a sprint as she ran after him, tears pouring from her eyes.

"Joel! Joel! Dad! Wait! Please wait! Wait, wait! Wait for me!" she shouted, running towards him.

He dropped his head and stopped dead in his tracks, mere inches from the gate.

"Don't go yet! Please! Fucking wait! I'm coming with you!" she frantically continued.

Maria dropped her head onto Tommy's shoulder and began to weep from the sight. Tommy himself could barely hold back his tears and he shook his head, trying to rid himself of the crushing emotion that was filling him to the brim.

Joel slowly turned around, tears rolling down his cheeks and through his beard. He opened his arms and dropped to one knee, eagerly awaiting for Ellie to leap into him.

She pushed herself, running as hard as she could until she reached him, each second that went by felt like an eternity.

 _Almost there - almost there - I'm almost there! Oh god - please! I can't wait any longer!_

 _Finally_ , she arrived and leaped into his embrace.

She wrapped both legs around his waist and squeezed her arms around his neck as she began rapidly kissing his hair line.

"Oh baby girl - my little, baby, girl," he whispered into her hair, clutching her delicate frame close to him.

"I love you - I love you - I love you - I love you - oh _god_ \- I love you," she stammered, continuing to smother him with kisses as she pressed her lips to his hair.

"I love you too baby girl - oh sweetheart - holy shit," he responded, kissing her on the cheek.

"I'm coming with you - I'd rather fucking die than live the rest of my life without you. I don't give a shit about everything else - you're all that matters to me," she said, wrapping her fingers around the collar of his shirt.

He voiced no response. Instead, he simply closed his eyes and smiled as he squeezed her even tighter, causing a massive grin of her own to stretch across her lips.

"I can still come with you... right?" she softly asked into his ear.

"'Course baby - _of course_ \- we'll figure everything out - it'll be okay. I told ya you could - I just want you to be happy. You did exactly as I asked - you came to your own conclusion an' if this is what you want then I'm happy - I'll keep ya safe at my side 'til the day I die honey," he said, feeling a tear drip from her cheek onto his neck.

"But you _want_ me to come with you, right?" she said, lifting her head from his shoulder.

 _I know he wants me with him! I know he still needs me like I need him - even if his stubborn ass won't admit it!_

"God dammit kiddo I... I was dreadin' every step I took away from you. You _know_ I always want you by my side. Sayin' goodbye nearly killed me. They don't want us here - fine - screw 'em. You an' me - we'll figure it out - like we always do," he said, pressing his lips against her hair once again.

 _Yes!_

She let out a laugh and another sob of joy as she pressed her nose into his neck.

"Where we gonna go - what're we gonna do though?" she asked in a frenzy.

"Ain't got a damn clue - but it don't matter sweetie. I've gotcha - you got me - we're a team, remember?" he calmly responded.

 _God - to think I was on the verge of never seeing him again - what the hell was I thinking? He's right - I don't give a fuck that we have nowhere to go - he always knows how to ease my worry - always. He's got me - he's got ME! That's all I need to hear._

He felt her cheek slide up and down against his jaw line as she slowly nodded in response. He gently lifted her away as she finally loosened the grip of her legs around his waist and set her back down to her feet, keeping his grip around her shoulders tight as she stood next to him.

She wrapped both hands around his arm and rested her head against his torso.

Tommy and Maria were quickly approaching, afraid, but ready to say their goodbyes.

"You two sure about this?" Tommy asked.

"You know us - got our minds made up - ain't gonna change it," Joel responded, looking down at Ellie who was returning his gaze with hers.

Her face still beamed with happiness from the current moment, even though they had to leave the safe confines of Jackson. None of that mattered, all that mattered was that they evaded another attempt by the universe to tear them apart.

"Goddamn - I'm gonna miss you brother," Tommy said, leaning in to give Joel a hug.

"Reckon I'll miss ya too - no question."

"Ellie - as much as it pains me to say it - I'm glad you chose to stay with him. I couldn't live with myself knowing my asshole of a father was responsible for tearing you two apart," Maria said as she wiped her eyes.

Ellie sniffled and smiled, then pressed the side of her head against Joel's arm. "Well - I wasn't gonna let him get away from me that easy! But seriously, thank you - for everything. Really."

"Of course - we won't ever forget you two," Maria responded.

"Ellie - take care of him alright? Keep his ass alive for me will ya?" Tommy asked.

She let out a small laugh and nodded. "Always - I've done well so far. Hey, Joel - what was that saying you said? Something about... cats or some shit?"

Joel looked down and snickered. "Cats - they uhh... they got nine lives - reckon I'm part cat. Think I'm down to... six? Seven? That what we decided?" he asked, playfully messing with her hair.

"Well - good - let's keep it at that number, alright Ellie?" Tommy continued.

"Pssht - I'm pro at it by now - I got him," Ellie proudly responded.

 _I've got him! He's got me!_

Maria and Tommy laughed in reaction to the austere, but true response.

"And Joel - you keep her safe okay? Keep her happy - keep her warm - keep her fed," Maria said.

"Wouldn't dare do anything else," Joel responded, pulling Ellie in front of him and gently placing both hands on her shoulders.

"She's my baby girl - I've got her - always," he continued before kissing the top of her head.

"Oh - one more thing. Take this," Maria said as she handed Joel a torn and tattered notebook.

"The hell is this?" Joel asked.

"It's umm - " she paused and ran a hand through the back of her hair.

"It's Michelle's journal - I hid it from Carl when I found it. Don't ask how... but - it'll explain a lot if you read the last few entries."

Ellie shuddered upon hearing that woman's name again and looked up at Joel for comfort.

"Alright then," Joel said with a shrug.

"Well - reckon this is it. We'll never forget what you two did for us - thank you - seriously," he continued.

"'Course - you're family," Tommy said with a nod.

"Goodbye little brother - maybe someday we'll cross paths again."

Ellie grabbed Joel's hand and the two of them turned around then walked towards the gate as he motioned for the guard to open it. They stepped through the exit and within seconds of being back in the cruel, broken world that was planet Earth, they felt naked and immediately noticed their senses returning to an acute state, a feeling which had been dormant for months.

Knowing they couldn't simply return to the safe confines of Jackson, they felt the weight and gravity of the situation trying to pull them down. But it didn't matter. They refused to let it drag them down. All that mattered was each other and as long as they were together, nothing seemed unconquerable.

They looked each other in the eyes and still managed a smile, knowing that despite everything, they remained as one. They let out a collective, deep breath and prepared themselves to take on the next, harsh and unknown part of their lives.

"Ya ready to do this kiddo?"

"Hell yeah - fucking bring it on! Endure and survive!" Ellie boisterously responded.

Joel let out a laugh. "Damn right - endure an' survive - here we go."


	5. Clarity

**AN: Umm... so, lots of fluff at the end of this one, hehe.** **I couldn't resist, I don't know what got into me, but it just seemed to fit for the moment and what these two characters have had to endure. Enjoy!**

* * *

Ellie came to a halt, causing Joel to feel the ensuing tug on his hand. They'd been walking for hours and she hadn't let go of it since leaving Jackson. He turned around to see her rubbing her stomach and grimacing in discomfort.

 _Here we go - poor girl's hungry - I know it._

"You alright there Ellie?"

She briefly closed her eyes and let out a deep breath as she tried to ignore the pain in her abdomen. "Yeah - yeah I'm fine - I'll be alright."

 _I swear she's more stubborn than I am sometimes - I know she wants to rest an' eat - hell, she needs to._

Joel furrowed his brow and looked her in the eyes.

"Ellie, c'mon - I told ya, anything that's goin' on with you - an' with me - we gotta be open and honest about it."

"Yeah, yeah - but I'm fine, seriously - I swear," she responded, grimacing again as the ache in her stomach sharply increased in intensity.

Then, it roared in hunger, emitting an epic growl that shattered the silence encasing them in the Wyoming wilderness. She blushed in embarrassment and Joel let out a sigh.

"Okay! Fine! I'm hungry and fucking tired!" she exclaimed as she ripped her hand away.

"Ellie, it's - " he paused and let out a small laugh.

"What? What's so funny?" she asked with an annoyed look on her face.

"Nothin' - you're just... you crack me up sometimes."

He reached out and brushed the usual, pesky lock of hair behind her ear.

 _You know what she's thinkin' - she thinks she's gonna be a burden or feel like she's slowin' us down._

"Look - Ellie, you ain't ever gonna be a burden. How many times do I gotta say it? It's okay - you just gotta eat frequently an' that's it - it ain't a big deal. 'Sides, reckon I'm tired too. It's our first damn day on the road - no one's forcin' us to walk twelve, fourteen hours like we used to, alright?"

"I know, I know - fine - okay," she replied with a nod after heaving a sigh.

"I'm always on your side, remember? You've gotta tell me when you start feelin' off, okay? I don't want you feelin' like crap an' passin' out on me, alright?" he said with care as he rubbed her cheek with his thumb.

"Ugh - I know. Alright - I will, I promise."

"C'mon - smile."

She scrunched her face and took a step backwards.

"C'mon kiddo - smile - show me that smile of yours," he pressed on, giving way to a smile of his own and poking her in the arm.

Her lips remained in a slight frown as she rigidly stood there with her arms crossed, looking annoyed as could be.

He dropped his head and rubbed his brow in frustration.

"Ellie, if you won't _let_ me take care of ya - I _can't_ take care of ya."

 _I know she loves it - she can't ever get enough - girl said so herself._

Finally, her lips stretched upward into a massive smile, unable to resist his empathetic prodding.

"Well... we wouldn't want that now would we?" she shyly responded.

"Hah! There she is!" he said with pride.

"Yeah, yeah... whatever."

She dropped her arms and reached for his hand once again then looked up at him with her usual endearing expression.

"How do you always fucking know what I need?"

He let out another small laugh.

"Well - you say you can read me like a damn book - reckon it goes both ways. Plus, if you look my name up in an encyclopedia - it'll mention somethin' 'bout me always knowin' what Ellie needs - at all times," he said in a joking tone.

Her smile widened but her expression quickly shifted as a perplexed look fell across her face.

"What the hell is an encyclopedia?"

"It's a uhh... giant book of - I dunno - a giant book full of crap... describin' what stuff is I guess. Hell, I don't really know now that I think about it - don't know how to explain it."

"Wow - way to go Joel. I totally get it now - what you said made _perfect_ sense. Seriously," she responded with a laugh and heavy sarcasm.

"Tssht - whatever - look, there's a barn up ahead - let's go check it out. Hopefully we can stop there for the night - get some food in ya."

"Alright - sounds like a plan coach. First night on the road - been awhile... but it already feels normal again," she said as she tugged his hand, imploring him to keep walking.

"Right about that."

* * *

Joel slowly opened the large, wooden door into the barn as discreetly as he could. Despite his efforts, it loudly creaked and whined, echoing the sounds of their arrival throughout the interior of the old building.

Ellie stretched her lips back and grimaced as her muscles tensed, praying there wouldn't be anything inside that would awake from the noise.

"Could that be any fucking louder?" she whispered.

"No kiddin' - Christ," Joel responded.

He crouched down, tiptoed through the door and turned on his flashlight. The dim, early evening sunlight barely rippled through the cracks of the damaged and molded roof atop the barn, only illuminating the interior ever so slightly.

Ellie drew her pistol and took a deep breath as she followed him inside, trying to keep her hands, which had a death grip around her gun, from shaking.

Adrenaline already began to pump into their bloodstream and though the nerves and fear of the unknown felt foreign, it also felt strangely familiar all at the same time. It was as if they were rediscovering a part of themselves that had been buried away for ages.

 _Shit - been forever since we've had to do this._

Joel pointed his light towards the wall at the far end in front of him. Within seconds, his heart began to race and he gulped upon seeing the figure which stood no more than thirty feet away.

A clicker, standing still with its head dropped in its usual sleeping posture, quietly clicked and snarled while its limbs twitched about.

"Oh fuck," he whispered.

"What!? What is it!?" Ellie replied through a whisper of her own.

He brought a finger to his lips and pointed towards the horrid beast before them. "Shhh."

"Shit!" she exclaimed with another whisper.

"Wait here," he said.

She unleashed a deep, gulp of her own and wiped away the drops of sweat that were already collecting on her forehead.

"Yeah - okay... just - please be careful - please!" she pleaded through a panted breath.

"I know - I got this," he replied, drawing a shiv from its holster.

 _You got this Joel - just like old times - just like you did before - nice an' easy an' quiet - here we go._

He quietly sneaked his way towards the clicker, feeling more and more self-conscious after each and every step he took. He hadn't dealt with Infected since Salt Lake City and his brain was quickly trying to rewire the muscle memory he'd become so accustomed to.

Ellie's only encounter with the Infected since arriving in Jackson occurred on the occasional hunting expeditions she joined Tommy and Maria on. And each time, they only ran into a few runners at most, nothing more.

Seeing a clicker up close again, twitching, snarling and clicking, vividly reminded them of the world they stepped into upon leaving Jackson. It didn't take long and they could already feel their survival instincts rounding back into form.

"Joel! Please - please be careful!" she pleaded once more through a whisper as she watched him get closer and closer to the monster.

"Shh! I got this - it's alright."

 _Think I do anyway - here goes nothin'._

Suddenly, the clicker violently twitched its head and let out a loud screech, causing both of them to freeze in place and their heart rates to spike.

 _Fuck._

However, it remained stationary in its resting posture and continued emitting sporadic clicks and snarls.

"Oh thank god," Ellie quietly said to herself.

 _Phew - to think we dealt with this shit nearly every damn day._

In one, swift motion, Joel lunged forward and stood to his feet then quickly grabbed the clicker's head. It let out a horrid screech and before it could wriggle free, he jammed a shiv deep into its neck, hearing it gurgle as blood filled its throat. Within seconds, the body went limp and simply convulsed and twitched in its final moments of life as he let it fall to the ground.

 _See - your broken ass still has it - old hat._

Then, a loud yell and scream pierced through the air from his left as a runner appeared from the shadows, charging straight for him.

"Oh fuck! Joel! Look out!" Ellie shouted, immediately rising to her feet and raising her pistol.

"Oh shit!" he shouted as he back pedaled away and tried to pull out his shotgun.

Without hesitation, the protective instincts of her own took over. It were as if she'd been surviving out on the road all these months, never missing a beat and Ellie rapidly fired three shots into the runner's head.

 _Pop - pop - pop!_

The body collapsed to the ground and its forward momentum caused it to roll and slide to Joel's feet.

"See anymore!?" she shouted in angst.

"Shh! C'mon - keep it down," he responded.

Joel, now panting, rested both hands on his knees and looked at her.

"But no... I don't - reckon that's it - thank god," he quietly said through his panted breaths.

"Sorry! I know - it's... it's been awhile," she responded as she lightly jogged over to him.

 _Not even through day one an' she's already saved your ass again. To think you were gonna leave her behind - you'd be a dead man._

"Well... outta the fryin' pan - into the fire," he said, straightening his back and taking a deep breath.

"Yeah, no shit - my fucking heart's pounding already," she replied.

Joel wiped his brow. "Same - reckon we'll get used to it - we did before."

"Yep," she said with a deep breath of her own.

Joel plopped himself down and leaned his back against a wooden post that extended to the ceiling. He brought both knees up and propped his forearms atop them as he tried to catch his breath and come down from the adrenaline high.

Ellie sat down next to him then rested her head against his shoulder. Even though it was hardly a lengthy struggle, lasting mere seconds at most, both of them had become completely unfamiliar with fighting the Infected. The sudden, rude reminder of what the world was still like already had their adrenal glands working harder than they had in months.

Joel reached over and gently patted Ellie on the head.

"C'mon - let's get ya fed an' take stock of everything we have."

"Yeah - alright... my stomach growled again," she responded with a smirk.

He ran a hand through her hair and smiled.

"I heard it - I'll get a small fire goin' an' why don't you open up our bags... see what we got."

"Sure thing."

He rose to his feet and began collecting anything he could find to use as fire materials while she unpacked their bags.

 _Hope we have enough food - it's gonna run out eventually - but I'd like to know we got plenty for awhile at least. One thing at a time Joel - get us a fire goin' - find whatever you can._

He scoured every nook and cranny of the barn, looking for anything that was burnable. However, he continually glanced back at Ellie every so often to ensure she was okay. His paranoia, which recently slightly faded during their time in Jackson, was quickly returning to its original state. If he wasn't within an arm's reach of her, his mind plagued him with the thought that something could and would, go wrong. But, each time he looked over, he merely saw her small self completely unharmed and sifting through their things with unabated curiosity and he felt the worry within him ease away, only for it to return minutes later.

After collecting a pile of twigs, small bits of wood that had fallen from the ceiling and walls, as well as some grass and hay, he returned to her with his findings. She sat cross-legged with a massive, neatly organized collection of canned goods lying before her and a smile stretched across her face.

"Hey - check it out... look what I found!" she said with excitement, raising a can of food into the air.

He let out a deep breath as he dropped the fire materials to the ground.

"What'cha got there?"

"Mandarin - did I say it right this time?"

He snickered. "Yes, you did - that's right."

"Fuck yes... anyway - mandarin oranges - lots of 'em!" she said with joy.

"Well - beats peaches... an' at least you like those damn things."

He pulled out a match and knelt down to start a fire.

"Woah, woah now - don't get too ahead of yourself there mister. Don't you worry... we've got _tons_ of peaches - 'cause ya know... you love 'em so much," she said with playful sarcasm.

"Tssht - goddammit - 'course we do," he replied with an annoyed laugh as the glow of the match flame illuminated his face.

"Man - it's weird seeing a fire like this again - with just you and me."

Joel plopped himself down, legs sprawled out in front and his hands on the ground behind him.

"Sure is - been a long time since I've had to make a fire."

"And it's just us - you're stuck with me now - no getting rid of me! Still... glad I came with you?" she blurted out, her voice taking a sheepish turn as she finished.

 _The hell!? 'Course I am._

He scooted his way next to her then leaned forward and lifted her chin, looking into her adorable, green, little eyes.

"Baby - _of course_. Don't ever think otherwise - I'd either be dead or in the very least missin' you already."

She smiled in response and sniffled, feeling her eyes beginning to water at the thought that hours ago, they nearly said goodbye forever.

"That's twice now you've tried to dump me off with Tommy and Maria - but you just can't leave me behind can ya?" she said with a playful tone, her voice cracking ever so slightly.

He cringed from her pointed words. Though their intent was harmless, they carried the truth and only reminded him of how close he came to losing her.

 _She's right - you're a fuckin' moron Joel for tryin' to part ways with her - again. Use your head next time will ya? Christ._

"Oh honey," he softly cooed.

He reached out and wrapped an arm around her little frame, pulling her close.

"I... I'm sorry - I shouldn't of ever done that... I promised I'd never leave ya an' I nearly did - I'm a total ass hole - what kinda father breaks his promises to his little girl? It ain't ever gonna happen again sweet pea - I swear. I just... again - I just always want what's best for you an' at the time I wasn't thinkin' straight - I'm sorry," he continued as she gazed up at him with her glistening eyeballs.

She shifted her legs, pulling her feet in closer as her lips gave way to a diffident smile.

"I - I know... besides - I'm the idiot who almost chose to stay behind," she said, feeling an eerie tingle crawl up her spine.

She shook her head and pressed up against him.

"Bllluuaagghhh!" she exclaimed in disgust as her whole body shivered from the mental image of his figure walking off in the distance.

"I don't even wanna think about losing you - fuck that," she continued, tightly gripping his sleeve.

 _Poor girl - can't even fathom what the hell was runnin' through her mind at the time - I'm so goddamn sorry._

He smiled, leaned down to kiss her hair then rubbed her arm.

"Alright - c'mon now, show me what we got here - what'd ya find."

She wiped her eyes with her sleeve then immediately reached for the pile of goods before them.

"Well - glad you asked!" she responded, her tone returning to its previous playful state.

"We'eve got lots and lots of peaches - I know, I know - you love those fucking things so much. Umm... lots of beans, canned tomatoes and like I said before... a shit ton of mandarin oranges - fuck yes. Also found a loaf of bread, some jam and even... this... thing here."

She held up a small, plastic bag filled with what appeared to be dried strips of meat.

"Ah - that's beef jerky - no shit. Good deal - that'll keep us full for awhile - give us some protein too - not bad. I'll bet the bread, jam and jerky is from Maria - she's a saint."

She let out a laugh and nodded her head in agreement.

"Yep - you're right. She even left a note with it all in my bag too - see?" she continued, showing him the paper note.

He reached forward and read it aloud. "I knew you'd change your mind - good luck - love you two - Maria - smiley face."

He rubbed his brow and let out a small snicker.

 _That woman is one of a kind - I swear to god Tommy better keep her happy._

"Man, she snuck all that crap in there without you knowin'?" he continued.

"Beef jerky... huh - alright then. But umm - yeah, I guess she did... she's pretty damn sneaky," she responded.

He heaved a sigh of relief, happy to know they had plenty of food for the time being. Though he knew it wouldn't last forever.

"Well - reckon the bread'll go bad before anything else - should eat that first. What else we got?"

"Well we've got your shit drink here - whiskey or whatever the fuck you call it," she said with disgust as she picked up the bottle and scrunched her face.

He let out a boisterous laugh. "Alright - keep goin'."

"Okay umm... a towel, a blanket and - ohhhhh it's so soft!" she squeaked with excitement and a smile as she ran her hands over the plush blanket.

"Damn, reckon a blanket like that's rare these days. Good - that'll keep ya warm."

She paused, slumped her shoulders and frowned as she darted her eyes towards him, slicing him with a look of confusion and dejection.

"Ohhh sweetie - don't worry - you're sleepin' with me from now on - always. I just meant it'll be extra warmth when we need it," he responded with paternal care, easing away her worry.

 _I don't want you outta my arms at night anyway now that we're on the road._

Her smile returned and she readjusted her cross-legged posture.

"Well I fucking better! You remember what Anne said - right? Have to get my sleep... and I can only sleep next to you so... hah," she responded as she crossed her arms.

"It ain't only that Ellie... it's more... _I'll_ feel better knowin' I got ya close to me. Ya know - out here on the road at night an' what not - that's all."

Her smiled widened and her cheeks blushed. Knowing how safe, protected and warm she always felt while curled up in his arms caused her heart to flutter.

"Oh - well... cool," she succinctly responded, though she wanted to say much more.

"C'mon - keep goin' - almost done."

"Yeah, yeah... anyway - got a sleeping bag, a tiny ass tent - that I hope we never have to fucking use - and lots and lots of bullets. So basically - lots of food and bullets - what else we need in this shit world right?"

"You're right about that. Alright, that'll do - good job kiddo. Now grab a few slices of bread an' some jam an' eat up - get some food in that angry, pissed off stomach of yours, okay?" he said, rubbing her back.

She looked up at him and felt her smile maintain its current width, acknowledging his affectionate touch.

"Mmhm - okay," she responded with a nod.

While she hungrily scarfed down her food, Joel began packing everything away back in their bags except for the sleeping bag, blanket and towel, knowing the towel would become a glorified pillow when it was time to sleep. Each second that went by, he could hear her smacking her lips and licking bits of jam from fingers as she furiously consumed her meal.

"Jesus Ellie - you weren't kiddin' when ya said you were hungry."

With a mouthful of bread she shook her head and tried to respond with an attempted smile. "Nope - already veeling better now vough."

After placing the last item in his bag, he noticed Michelle's journal lying on the ground at his feet.

 _Hell... do I really wanna read this? Maria said I should though._

He picked it up, brushed the dirt and dust from the cover and heaved a sigh.

 _Goddammit Michelle - awful fuckin' human being you were._

Ellie swallowed her last bite and let out a massive exhale of relief then collapsed to the ground on her back, sprawling her arms out wide while staring up at the ceiling.

"Ahhhhh - man... so much better now," she said with elongated satisfaction.

Joel looked over and snickered at the sight. "Ya good?"

She turned her head and noticed him trying to stealthily keep the journal out of her eyesight.

"Hell yeah... way better - but now I'm really tired. Is that... is that what I think it is?"

He sighed and held up the journal with reluctance as he sat down next to her.

"Reckon it is - Maria said I should read some of it... so uhh... guess I will."

She propped herself up on an elbow and a slight frown appeared across her lips while her mind triggered painful memories of the psychologically damaging experience with Michelle.

"Yeah... I know," she solemnly said with a yawn.

 _Hate seein' that look on her face. You let her get hurt - it's your own damn fault._

"Here - c'mere baby - lie down for awhile - get some rest while I read this damn thing yeah?" he said, patting his lap.

The small fire that illuminated and warmed the area around them crackled and popped. The sounds reminded them once again that it was only the two of them, out in the dangerous world and away from Jackson.

Joel scooted closer to the fire to keep warm and Ellie crawled over then gently laid her head in his lap. He reached for the blanket and covered her with it so just her head was poking through the top, resting on his leg.

"Comfy?" he asked looking down at her.

She simply smiled and nodded her head, sliding her cheek against his jeans.

"Good - get some rest. I ain't movin' at all I promise. I'll wake ya up when I get tired an' ready to sleep."

"Okay," she softly mumbled as she wiggled even closer to him.

Despite being away from the safe confines of what used to be their home in Jackson, she still felt a tickle of warmth in her nerves. It would be her first time falling asleep on their new journey, away from the comfortable entrapment of their bed. Yet, not a single part of her felt afraid or nervous. She knew, as long as she slept in his presence, curled up next to him and in his arms or in this case using his leg as a pillow, she was safe. No harm would ever come to her. She felt loved, cared for and undeniably protected while he tenderly stroked her hair and cheek with his gentle, yet rough and callused hand. His loving and affectionate touch was soothing and before long she drifted off to sleep.

Once he was sure she was sound asleep, feeling the repetitive pattern of her breath against his knuckles while he brushed a hand over her cheek, Joel hesitantly opened Michelle's diary. He took a deep breath and prepared himself to delve into the mind of the woman who tried to kill his precious, little girl and eliminate his _purpose_.

* * *

 _March 26_

 _Dear Ben,_

 _God I miss you so much._

 _Well, I finally made it to Jackson today. The place is surprisingly nice. My fucking car broke down on the way here though. Think I had to walk the last twenty or so miles which blew, but it wasn't so bad I guess. The people seem nice here, I met these two named Tommy and Maria, along with Maria's father. I think it was her father anyway, I never caught his name though. I think he's the leader of this whole place, so I figure it would be good for me to get close with those two, could help later on. Man, it's way better than being out on the road though, and way less fucking depressing than out west._

 _Fuck... I miss you Ben, I wish you were here. We could've made a life here... I think. People grow all of their own food here, have livestock and everything, they've got their shit covered. It's impressive to be honest, but also strange to see a community of people actually working together. Not a lot of kids... thank god, I know you would've liked that haha._

 _Hmm... where should I be from? I know you and I always wanted to go to Massachusetts, but I came from the west... no one would believe that. What about... Montana? Yeah, I like that, Montana it is. It's decided, tomorrow I will be Michelle from Montana._

 _Please come back to me Ben... somehow._

* * *

A puzzled expression washed over Joel's face and he anxiously flipped to the next page. He felt Ellie lightly shift her head in his lap upon ceasing the gentle rubbing of her cheek and hair with his hand. Her sudden movement temporarily pulled his attention away from the diary and he looked down only to notice a slight frown across her face. Without delay, he began stroking her hair once again and happily watched her frown invert.

 _You're so adorable - how the hell could I have even thought about leavin' you behind? Dammit Joel - you're a fuckin' dumb ass sometimes._

He refocused his attention on Michelle's diary and read the next entry.

* * *

 _March 30_

 _Dear Ben,_

 _Still missing you. I wish things were different and you were still here with me. I'm settling down in Jackson though, have my own house and stuff. I have your picture on my nightstand. It's so lonely though. It's hard to make friends, everyone's already in their own cliques and groups, kinda sucks. Some punk ass kid, named Sean I think, really fucking pissed me off today... god I can't stand kids. At least I don't have to deal with them too much here, I just stay away from that part of the compound. But man, that Sean, what a prick._

 _This new life is great and all, but I'm so damn lonely. I know it's been a year since you passed and I still love you, I always will. But, fuck... I want someone to go through this horrible world with. It's just not worth it otherwise. Please forgive my betrayal, I hope you understand. I would want the same for you. You know that right?_

 _At least I'm not in Utah anymore... what a lost cause. It was nice of th~_

* * *

Joel's eyes widened and his heart skipped a beat after reading the last line.

 _Utah!? That has to be just a fuckin' coincidence - it's gotta be._

* * *

 _May 1_

 _Dear Ben,_

 _Sorry I haven't written in almost a month. My fucking pen broke in the middle of my last one, don't even remember what I was trying to say, but it's good to be back. Two new survivors arrived in Jackson today. I nearly had a panic attack when I saw them. I know the girl, reddish brown hair, freckles, scar above her eye, fucking tiny as hell, that's the girl Marlene kept going on about when she got back from the east coast. Told me all about her, kept saying she was immune to the virus or some shit, hah... I still don't believe it. Don't see what all the fuss was about, but I won't say anything. It wouldn't do any good._

 _But man, I really got tired of it all. The cause, the bull shit, everything. Seeing that red headed brat only pissed me off, reminded me of why I left Salt Lake and Marlene. I wonder how she's doing. She wasn't happy when I told her I was leaving. I felt bad, I really did. I mean, we've known each other for so long but I just... fuck. I couldn't do it anymore. It all felt so goddamn hopeless. Now that you're gone I need something more out of life, I couldn't stay there anymore. I just couldn't do it._

 _At least she gave me a car to get to Jackson, always was a great friend. I hope she's doing okay. Fuck me, I miss her too. I always thought joining the Fireflies would give us happiness, but it didn't, did it? It got you killed and made me fucking miserable because of it. God, we should've just stayed in California with the rest of the survivors in Napa. What the hell were we thinking?_

 _But Ben, the girl, Ellie or whatever the fuck her name is, she was with someone, a man. He must be the smuggler Marlene briefly mentioned. He looks just like you, I couldn't believe it. My heart skipped a beat and I... oh my god. Is it you? Have you finally come back to me? No, that's fucking crazy I know, but he looks just like you. JUST LIKE YOU! Maybe it is you. I have to meet him. Am I going insane? Possibly..._

* * *

Joel's face twitched in shock and surprise and he rubbed his eyes, struggling to believe the words he was seeing. After reading the scribble on the page before him once more to assure himself that it was real, he looked towards the ceiling and pressed a hand against his forehead as he tried to process the sudden influx of information.

 _Hang on - hang on... what in the goddamn hell - California? Napa? There's more survivors? Michelle was a Firefly!? She knew about Ellie an' everything!? I look like this Ben mother fucker!? What the shit is goin' on!?_

He frantically flipped past multiple pages, jumping further ahead in the journal and read another entry.

* * *

 _July 6th_

 _Dear Ben,_

 _Joel fucking blew me off again. He's so difficult. But I can't help it, I want him. He reminds me so much of you, it's uncanny I swear. I even brought over whiskey, which I know he loves, but he just pushed me away. God, so fucking frustrating. Why won't he just let me in? I don't get it. He straight up told me that us, him and me, wasn't going to happen. What the fuck do I not have that he wants?_

 _I know what the problem is. It's that stupid girl. Ellie or whatever her name is. That little bitch took away Marlene from me and now she's trying to keep me from Joel? No way, fuck that. She's such a jealous little cunt. Every time I try to have even a conversation with him she pulls him away. I know she does it on purpose._

 _She can't give him what I can! He's a fucking man and has needs she can't satisfy. Unless they're actually... I mean, there aren't laws anymore to forbid it, but no, he's not a pervert and a pedophile. Marlene would've never put her in his protection if he was. He's a good, good man and I... oh my god I want him. I have to have him. It's been far too long. I haven't had a fucking orgasm in months. Hah, Ben, remember us? Damn it was always so good. I bet Joel is the same, he's proven to be like you so far. If only he'd let me fuck his brains out, even just once, he'd come crawling to me every night. I know it._

 _That's it. The world is already shit as it is and I'm not gonna sit here and die miserable. Fuck this. Ellie has to get the hell out of my way. That orphaned street rat is trying to keep me from him, keep me from you and keep me from being happy. I'm gonna have a talk with her, just a nice, one on one talk. Mark my words, in a week's time, Joel will be mine. Ellie just needs to be put in her place._

 _See Ben? Stupid kids, they only cause problems and are just a nuisance. They're always up to no good. Little shits._

* * *

 _Holy fuckin' - goddamn - crazy ass - bat shit insane... fuck! She completely lost it - was off her rock. How in the hell could she even think for a second that I'd do - Ellie an' I would - Jesus Christ - I... for fucks sake. Knew she was nuts, but holy shit - reckon she went off the deep end. That woman... was a monster. I... I'm so goddamn sorry Ellie, I failed you. I'm never lettin' anyone hurt you like that again sweetie - I swear to god._

Joel felt his eyes beginning to water and he looked down at Ellie peacefully resting with her head still in his lap. He gently rubbed her scar with this thumb, letting his affectionate touch linger and felt her nuzzle her nose into his hand.

 _Oh baby - I love you so much. You're so... so goddamn sweet an' cute - how in the hell could anyone ever fuckin' do that to you!? Why!? How could anyone do that to my little girl!?_

He angrily threw the journal far to his left with disgust and watched it slam and tumble into the dirt, relieved to be rid of it. He let out a deep breath then rubbed his tired eyes and tried to comprehend everything he just read. He relished Ellie's nuzzling presence even more than he did a few minutes ago, now that he'd read the vivid expressions of the person who made an attempt on her life.

 _California - Napa - huh. It's far - but hell, we ain't got anywhere else to go. Could we do it? Shit, you two made it from Mass all the way to Utah. Couldn't be any worse right? Just head southwest - intersect with I-80 an' go through Nevada. Oh, wait... shit - gotta cross the Sierras though. Well we went through the Rockies. How much worse could it be? It's quickly gettin' colder though - could be rough tryin' to climb 'em at the start of winter._

He looked down at Ellie once more and his heart fluttered as a tingle of paternal love and affection roared through his nerves. He remembered why he was still alive, why he was still breathing and sitting here while she snuggled with him. She was his _purpose_ and he was hers and he would do anything to keep her alive and happy. He let out a sigh and continued admiring his little girl while gently rubbing the back of his hand along her cheek.

 _She always wanted to see the ocean - an' she did say somethin' 'bout California awhile back. Fuck it - that's it - that's what we're doin'. Well, go on then, wake her up - see what she says._

He eased his other hand beneath her shoulder then lifted her little frame up. He lowered his head and pressed his lips to her ear, quickly pecking it with a few kisses.

"Ellie - baby girl, wake up - c'mon," he whispered.

She twitched her head in reaction to his touch and her eyes popped open, only to see his paternal gaze towering above. She rubbed both of her eyes and let out a yawn.

"Hey - what's... is everything okay?" she quietly asked in confusion.

"Shh - yeah, yeah - everything's fine," he cooed as he lifted beneath her armpits and pulled her into his lap.

He leaned against the post behind him and crossed his legs, forming a perfect nook for her to nestle into.

She sat in his lap and rested the underside of her legs on his thigh, letting her calves and feet dangle over the edge of his bent knee. He wrapped an arm around her back and gently held her waist, supporting her head and weight with his arm and shoulder. He pulled her in close and kissed her hair, keeping her tightly clutched to his chest. Her little frame fit perfectly in his embrace and butterflies filled her stomach, feeling warmth and joy knowing she was safely snuggled in her favorite place.

To both of them, it felt as if the weight of the world was utterly meaningless. Nothing besides the presence of the other mattered, not even the knowledge that they no longer had a safe place to call home.

She looked up at him and their eyes met, causing her to blush upon seeing the love and affection effusing from his expression. He was still beaming with a combination of love, empathy, paternal care and even sadness after perusing Michelle's journal. Reading Michelle's descriptions of what she planned to do to her painfully reminded him of that horrific day. He remembered how distraught he was after finding her lying on the floor, motionless, beaten nearly to death. It only made him realize, even more, how much he loved her, his little girl, his daughter and _purpose_. Every part of him simply wanted to squeeze her small frame tight in his arms and shower her with love. He only hoped he could demonstrate just how important she was to him, how much he loved her and how far he would go to nurture her as much as she desired. The thought of someone hurting her like Michelle did, cut deep into his heart and no part of him wanted to loosen his grip on her in this moment.

"Are... are you okay? What's... that look for?" she mumbled with a smile, looking up at him as she sat in his lap and arms.

He let out a small snicker. "Nothin'... I just - " he paused and took another moment to remind himself of how fortunate he was.

 _You're so goddamn lucky you got a second chance - you're a fuckin' idiot for even thinkin' about leavin' her behind. Don't you ever, ever do that again._

"You just what?"

He didn't immediately reply and instead stared into her eyes. Despite feeling his heart bursting with love for his little girl, he still couldn't help but feel the slightest bit of awkwardness and hesitation when it came to opening up. It remained a foreign concept, though he was thankful that over the past year she managed to bring his human and compassionate side back to life.

He reached down and cupped her cheek, engulfing the side of her face with his palm as he smiled.

"I just... I love you _so_ _damn_ much sweetheart. An' I'm... reckon I'm really goddamn happy you're still with me," he finally responded.

Her soul piercing, green eyes began to glisten and she let out a sniffle.

"Oh, well me too - obviously, and I... I love you too Dad," she timidly responded with a smile, gently pressing her lips to his callused palm as she remained curled up in his embrace.

He pulled his hand away from her cheek and lightly pinched her nose.

"How'd you get to be so uhh... damn cute an' adorable?" he awkwardly asked with a laugh.

Openly expressing this much emotion and vulnerability still felt abnormal, even around her. She blushed, but her smile widened.

"Joel - what the hell? Are... are you sure you're okay? You're not normally like this!" she playfully exclaimed, still grinning and looking into his eyes.

She knew he was okay. She just enjoyed being privy to him further opening up and experiencing this extremely tender moment between them. He smiled and nodded, then kissed her on the forehead.

"Everything's just fine... I'm better than you could possibly know. Seriously though - how'd my baby girl get to be so damn cute?" he pressed on, this time refusing to restrain himself from opening up.

 _Careful you big fuckin' sap - don't scare her._

Her cheeks blushed even more but she couldn't help but feel her smile painfully widen further as she let out a small laugh.

"Joel! My god! What the fuck's gotten into you!? But... I dunno - good genes I guess!" she said happily, pointing to her blue, dirt covered jeans.

She glanced back up at him and felt his hand brush her usual, nonconforming lock of hair behind her ear and again feeling his touch linger against her cheek.

 _Holy hell you're so... I'm - I can't - I don't even know how to tell you how sweet an' adorable you are._

"Oh honey... what the hell am I gonna do with you?" he said with a laugh and a shake of the head.

Just like in the summer, when he last rhetorically asked that question, she immediately voiced her response. Only this time, no tension or feelings of dejection fell between them.

"Love me," she replied, still looking up at him with a smile.

He returned her smile with his and cooed his response before giving her a peck on the bridge of her nose. "Always sweet pea."

She shifted in his lap and rested the side of her head against his chest then let out a deep, relaxing exhale.

He dropped a hand to her cheek and again tenderly brushed his thumb against it. After clearing his throat, he lowered his lips to her hair and whispered to her once more.

"You're _my_ little baby - always, ya know that right?"

She bent her neck and tilted her head back to respond, feeling his lips slide against her hair.

"Mmhmm - I do. You're the first person who's ever... ya know - truly, really cared for me and loved me this way - and made me feel important, like I matter. I _always_ know that," she shyly and softly responded.

They sat in silence for minutes, only hearing the crackling of the fire and enjoying the fact that they'd further opened up to one another again, letting their emotional guards down and giving into their inner vulnerabilities. Knowing that they reciprocated each other's demonstration of empathy, both of them felt even more at ease with the thought of expressing more tenderness in the future.

She finally spoke, breaking the calming silence.

"So... is this why you woke me up? To snuggle and hold me? Was this your way of saying sorry for pushing me away yesterday like an ass? If so then umm... I... totally forgive you and you can umm... you can - ya know, push me away as much as you want... as long as you _always_ follow it with _this_ apology!" she said with a sheepish smile, slightly embarrassed to admit how much she loved and reveled being in this position, safe and cuddled in his lap and arms.

He let out a boisterous laugh. "Tssht - you're cute - but uhh... no - not entirely. I've got an idea that I wanna run by ya."

"Oh - an idea huh? I'm intrigued - please continue."

He coughed, cleared his throat then scratched his beard.

"You uhh... you still wanna see California?"

Her eyes lit up and she immediately strained her neck to glance back up at him with a look of surprise.

"Hell yeah I do!" she exclaimed.

 _Now you're on the hook - no backin' out now._

"Well - whadd'ya think?"

"Wait - you mean like... us going there? Now!? Are you fucking serious!?" she pressed on, lifting her weight off of his arm which held her in place.

He rolled his eyes and snickered. "Nah - thought I'd just get your hopes up... no - 'course I mean go there. Think there might be another group of survivors out there in a place called Napa."

"Fuck yeah! Really!?"

"Yep - reckon that's wine country."

"Well shit! Let's do it! We got nowhere else to go, right? Might as well!" she said with excitement as she tugged on his sleeve.

"That's exactly right - done. It's decided then."

"Sweet! Calif... California? Did I say it right?"

He laughed and messed with her hair. "Yes - that's right."

"Cali-fucking-fornia here we come!"

"Damn right. Let's do it - California dreamin' baby girl."


	6. Idaho Falls

**AN: Sorry for the longer than usual wait. This one was fun to write, but it's also an important chapter in terms of character development. Also, I felt my last one wasn't... my best. But, they can't all be winners right? I jest, I do try... but anyway, I wanted to make sure I had this exactly the way I wanted before posting. I've proofread this many times... but I still probably missed some stupid typos somewhere. If so, sorry. Hope y'all enjoy! Cheers.**

* * *

It was early in the morning and slivers of light from the sunrise trickled into the barn. Ellie, rising earlier than usual, sat against a post with her knees brought to her chest and curiously read random entries from Michelle's diary that Joel angrily tossed aside the previous evening. A disgusted look washed over her face as she read a particularly disturbing transcription of thoughts from the maniac who tried to kill her.

 _Oh god... what the fuck - crazy bitch._

She scrunched her face and brought the back of a hand over her lips and averted her gaze from the page after reading the scarring passage. After solemnly staring at the ground for a few seconds, she took a deep breath and flicked the corner of the page with a finger, debating whether or not to continue reading.

 _Blech - fuck this._

She angrily ripped out the offending page and crumpled it into a ball then threw it as far as she could. She darted her attention to Joel who remained fast asleep, loudly snoring and passed out in the sleeping bag.

 _Man, he must've been tired - usually I can't even twitch without waking him up._

She dropped her hands, letting the journal close and smiled as she fondly remembered that despite yesterday's heart wrenching experience, they were still together.

 _You're fucking insane for even thinking about staying behind - letting him walk off like that - my god Ellie. You can't live without him and you know it. You love him too fucking much. You still need him._

She let out a small, quiet laugh, appreciating that she still remained in his protection then glanced back down at the journal.

 _I hope you're burning in hell you piece of shit._

After leering at it in anger, she slammed it completely shut then tossed it to the ground, watching it tumble and roll in the dirt, kicking up a small cloud of dust. The sudden sound caused Joel's snoring to cease and he twitched his head as his eyes popped open while sucking in a deep inhale of air.

She watched him frantically shoot up to a sitting posture, panicked by the absence of her little frame at his side.

"Shit! Ellie!" he shouted.

 _Oh my god - he's too funny._

"Joel! Shh - it's okay. I'm right here," she said with a laugh.

He let out a massive exhale of relief then flopped down on his back, bringing a hand to his forehead.

"Jesus - scare the hell outta me when you do that."

She pushed herself up and walked over to him, brushing away the dirt from the back of her jeans.

"Well, I couldn't fall back asleep. You looked really fucking out of it so I... ya know - didn't wanna wake you," she said, plopping herself down in a cross-legged position, mere inches from his head.

He turned over and placed a hand on her now sharply angled and bony knee.

"'S'alright - reckon I needed the sleep anyway."

"I'll say - you passed out pretty quick," she replied with a smile.

He let out a yawn and rubbed his eyes, then propped himself up to a sitting position out of the sleeping bag.

"The hell you been doin' anyway?"

She nervously scratched her cheek and darted her eyes towards the ground.

"Oh umm... I got bored and curious so I... I read that fucking garbage Michelle called a diary," she said, pointing to the tattered notebook that lay in the dirt.

He sighed and rubbed his eyes once more.

"Ellie... dammit girl - why the hell would ya do that? Reckon it'll only bum you out."

 _Yep - it sure did. He always knows - always. But I had the right to at least take a peek into the mind of that psychopath who tried to kill me._

She scrunched her face and adjusted her ponytail.

"Yeah... kinda did. But man - she was into you - big time... like - wow," she said, following it with a sarcastic whistle.

He dropped his head, let out a snicker and for the first time ever in the presence of her, slightly blushed.

 _Is he - wait... did I just make Joel blush!? No shit! I've never seen that before! Hah! This is a first!_

"Yeah... what the hell ever - she's 'bout as crazy as they come. I'll tell ya that right now," he responded, rubbing the back of his head.

She bit her lip and pressed on.

"So... did you two ever... ya know - do it? If you did, way to be sneaky about it you ass - I sure as hell never knew," she said, playfully punching him in the shoulder.

His eyes widened in surprise and shock.

"Hell no! Christ Ellie... I - no... just no. I told ya - you're _all_ that matters to me, nothin' else - seriously sweet pea," he responded with a smile as he gently cupped her cheek.

 _Aww - shit, now you're the one blushing. You know he never did, he hated that woman as much as you did. Man I'm hungry though... I want waffles._

A moment of silence fell between them and she reached a hand up, keeping his gentle touch pressed against her cheek and returned his smile with hers.

As he pulled away, she quickly scooted forward, wrapped both arms around his neck and gave him a quick kiss to his hairline.

"Love you pops."

Joel, looking a tad puzzled and taken aback by the random demonstration of love, cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair. Though the act was strange, due to the fact that she only did such things in moments of duress or extreme emotion, he couldn't help but smile. The two of them continued to open up, acknowledging that being vulnerable around the other was not just okay, but welcomed.

"What the... what was that for?" he asked with a smirk.

She rocked back, sitting on her heels and blushed, praying her rare display of familial love wouldn't be rejected.

 _What!? No - I thought he'd -_

"I mean - shit... sorry - I love you too baby girl - just surprised me that's all," he continued as he brushed her hair.

She smiled and the shade of red that filled her cheeks faded.

"Well - I don't fucking know... I just - I feel like at least once a day I should - " she paused and looked down at her hands, pressing her lips together.

"You should what? C'mon - go on then," he pried.

She slowly lifted her head and met his eyes with hers.

"Ugh... okay - don't fucking judge me, but I - "

"Ellie - I ain't ever gonna judge you. We said we gotta be more open with each other remember? Now go on - just spit it out already."

"Fine! Well - at least once a day, I... I just want to tell you how important you are to me That's all - sorry, I'm fucking weird I know."

 _Hmm - that felt strangely good to say actually - but still kinda scary. This is how you end up getting hurt Ellie. You know that... but he would never hurt me._

Her heart rate suddenly spiked as she anxiously awaited his response to her vulnerability.

He reached forward, grabbing both sides of her face then kissed her forehead, causing her to perk up and her pony tail to bob. She opened her mouth, giving way to a massive grin that exposed the whites of her teeth.

 _Oh!_

"That ain't weird _at_ _all_ Ellie. You're just... hell - I dunno, finally discoverin' - or re-discoverin' for all I know - what it's like to have someone important to you - someone you care about an' uhh... ya know - love. There ain't anything wrong with that at all. Reckon I told myself I'd do the same to you long ago - an' I have, haven't I?"

 _Without a fucking doubt you have. That's why for the first time ever I actually feel... important and like I matter. Mmmm... waffles._

She nodded in response, causing one of her bangs to brush against his hand.

"I guess if we can't be open and honest with those we love, then what's the fucking point right?" she replied with a smile.

He dropped his hands from her face and let out a snicker.

"That's... that's exactly right - dead on. Though I know it ain't easy for damaged goods like us."

 _Us. We're damaged goods - not just me. He's right._

He reached out and gently patted her stomach.

"You eaten yet kiddo?"

She looked down and heaved a sigh.

 _My stupid stomach, but I am hungry. He knows - like always. Waffles dammit!_

"No... I am hungry though," she sheepishly responded.

"I know - heard that angry thing growl a few minutes ago," he said, rising to his feet.

 _What!? I didn't even hear it! How the hell did he!? Do I just not notice it anymore!? Ugh... probably distracted by the... waffles!_

"Wait - what? I didn't even hear it. Do you... do you have some... fucking sixth sense or something? I swear Joel - sometimes I feel like you know what I need before I do," she responded, looking up at him while maintaining her cross-legged posture.

He leaned down, gently rubbed the bottom of her chin with a finger and smiled.

"I told ya - I just know. Reckon it's one of my talents. 'Sides, I gotta keep my little Ellie happy, right?"

 _I... fuck. What the hell would I do without you? I can't believe I was about to stay in Jackson and let you leave me behind. Fuck. That. But seriously... for the love of god, waffles!_

"Yep," she responded with a smile.

"Now - real quick, before you eat - I wanna show you - "

"You're gonna make me waffles!? _Right_ Joel!?" she blurted out, unable to resist it any longer.

He stopped and immediately turned his head to acknowledge her hilarious, yet given the circumstances, ridiculous desire. "The hell? You want waffles huh?"

He smiled and snickered. "Tssht - I mean - shit Ellie, I wish I could but that ain't happenin' out here missy."

 _Fuck - I know. Saying it only made it worse, now you just want them even more. Way to go Ellie._

"Auuggghh - I know! Someday though... someday, you _will_ make me waffles."

"That a fact?"

She crossed her arms and confidently lifted her chin, straightening her back as she tried to make herself feel as big and tall as possible.

"Yep - and if you don't... I'll leave and then umm... probably starve to death or something - I dunno."

 _No you wouldn't. You couldn't if you tried. Now you're the liar here._

"Reckon we wouldn't want that now would we? Deal. _Someday_ kiddo - I will make you some goddamn waffles. An' you _will_ love the hell outta them," he replied with a smirk.

 _Fuck yes!_

"I would say shake on it but... I trust you - only 'cause I like you... sort of," she responded coyly.

"Tssht - feisty today... whatever... anyway lemme show ya where we're headed," he said, strutting over to their bags.

He reached into the smallest pocket of his pack and pulled out a map. She sat down next to him, eager to learn the route they would be taking to reach their destination.

"So - figured we do this... we're here," he said, pointing to a spot just outside of Jackson.

"Alright."

"We'll head west on twenty-six an' stop in Idaho Falls - should be able to find supplies an' food there."

"But... will there be hunters?" she asked.

He sighed and scratched his beard.

"Could be... always a chance - we just gotta hope our luck don't run out. Anyway, after that - take the interstate - fifteen - to Chubbuck then head - "

He paused and brought a clenched fist to his chest.

"Hang on - one sec - "

He turned his head away and let out a horrid, painful sounding series of dry coughs.

 _Fuck - that sounded awful - can't remember the last time I heard him do that._

"Sorry - goddamn - anyway," he said after clearing his throat.

"Head west on eighty-six, then that'll turn into eighty-four. Once we hit ninety-three - right around... here in Twin Falls - we just head straight south. That'll take us into Nevada an' the interstate - eighty to be exact."

She adjusted her pony tail and shrugged.

"Sounds good to me coach."

He paused and rubbed his brow.

"Now, Ellie - here's where it's gonna get dicey. Nevada is... nothin' but a goddamn barren wasteland for miles. Reckon we ain't gonna find anything 'til we hit Reno, which is... way the hell over here," he said, tapping his finger on the map.

Her eyes widened after heaving a sigh.

 _Oh shit - that is far._

"Well - we'll figure it out, right?"

He simply nodded then continued.

"An' after Reno... we're gonna have to cross the Sierras."

He placed a hand on her shoulder and pulled her close as a look of worry washed over his face.

"Ellie - that ain't gonna be easy. It's gonna be tough and it ain't a damn joke. It'll be cold as hell by the time we get there too."

 _What? Does he think I'll chicken out? Hell no! I hate the cold though..._

"Just... when we get out there - I want ya close with me at all times, alright? You stick to me like glue ya hear?"

 _Right, but it's okay - you have him. As long as we're together, it'll be fine._

"Mmhmm - okay," she responded with a nod, looking into his eyes.

He traced a finger along the map, stopping at the town of Napa in California.

"After that - it's the home stretch. Should be easy then on out - just stay on eighty 'til we hit twelve here an' we'll head into Napa. Sound like a plan?"

 _Man - I'm gonna see California! And the fucking ocean! Finally! And... he's gonna make me waffles! Yes!_

She wrapped her hands around his arm and rested her head against his shoulder.

"I'm just followin' you. You're the pro," she said with a smile.

He snickered and reached over to mess with her hair. He felt another tickle in the back of his throat and turned away once again to let loose another series of painful coughs.

 _Oh no - that doesn't sound good._

* * *

"Idaho Falls, population fifty-eight thousand, two-hundred and ninety-two," Ellie read off of a sign as they entered the city limits.

"Man - feels like forever since I heard you say words like that," Joel responded.

 _Weird - yeah it actually has. Not since we were last on the road._

"Yep, right you are."

They'd been walking for the better part of twelve hours since they left the barn in the woods that morning. Joel refused to let Ellie out of his sight, which was different than before. He used to walk a few feet in front of her, constantly listening for the patter of her footsteps behind him. Only now, things had changed. He maintained a pace that matched hers, keeping her at his side at all times, knowing that if she left his line of sight, his mentally draining paranoia would consume him. Though, unbeknownst to him, it was no different for her.

She came to a sudden stop, feeling the weight of exhaustion seeping into her tired legs. Noticing her small frame disappear from his peripheral vision, he immediately stopped as well and turned around.

 _Fuck I'm tired. I don't know how long I can keep going. He said I need to say something when I get tired or hungry right? Besides, he looks tired as shit too._

"Joel..." Ellie said with an elongated, whiny moan.

"You're tired - I know, I am too. Let's get to the other side of town then we'll start lookin' for a place to hole up for the night."

 _Of course he knows._

She blew a massive shot of air through her lips, flapping them together then drooped her head.

"Joooeeeeeellll nooooo - I'm fucking tired!" she continued to moan, tugging on his sleeve and stamping her feet.

He snickered and rested both hands on his hips.

"Hang on a sec... is that... whinin' I hear? Reckon that's the most whiny and pitiful sound I've ever heard squeak from that little mouth of yours," he said playfully.

She let out a guffaw.

"Hey! Fuck you!" she responded, gently punching him in the shoulder.

"You told me to say something when I start feeling off! So I am! Pssht - you ass," she continued with a smirk.

He sighed and wiped his brow.

"Yeah, yeah - I know I did - guess we'll start lookin' now then. We'll pack it in the first chance we get," he said, patting her on the head.

The two of them tiredly walked into the depths of Idaho Falls. Though it had only been two days, their survival instincts already hummed along like well oiled machines. It was the first time either of them stepped into a major town of any kind since Salt Lake and their senses were acutely aware of every noise, smell and slight movement off in the distance.

The sun had just completely fallen under the horizon, leaving the area dimly lit by the last remaining bit of twilight. A light breeze rushed down the corridor of the road, funneled directly at them from the wall of buildings that extended as far as they could see on either side. It was brisk and carried ever so slightly, that cold, nipping bite as it kissed their cheeks. The sensation reminded them that very soon, winter would arrive and make their trek far more strenuous.

They entered the heart of town and large, worn down buildings, some made of brick, others of stone and wood, all with shattered windows at ground level lined the street. Shards of glass and bodies littered the sidewalk and various cars and trucks sat in the middle of the road, broken down in a heap of wreckage and twisted metal. To their left, a massive, ripped and torn white curtain dangled out of a broken window, flapping in the wind as bits of it snagged on the jagged glass.

"Shit - it's getting chilly," Ellie said with a shiver.

"Yeah... gettin' to be that time of year again. I wanted to look for supplies before callin' it for the night - but reckon that ain't a good idea. We'll do it first thing tomorrow."

"Works for me."

"How you doin' hunger wise? You need to eat too?" Joel asked with care.

She gripped his hand tighter and tilted her head, as if she were trying to listen to her stomach's angry moans, or lack thereof in this case.

"Actually - I'm fine in that department, just tired."

"Alright then. We're bound to find some place to stay here... hope anyway."

She came to a stop then looked up and to her right at a large window that remained intact on the fifth story of a nearby building. The exterior of the brick structure looked extremely old as vines and moss grew all over its surface, encasing it in a green webbing that sprang from the ground below. She tugged on Joel's hand, imploring him to turn and acknowledge her discovery.

"Hey, Joel - look," she said, pointing up to the window.

He obeyed and peered above him as she asked.

"Shit kiddo - I'm gettin' too old, can't read what it says, can you?" he asked.

She squinted her eyes and tried to read the brightly colored, spray-painted words that sprawled across the window.

"Survivors inside... please... please help," she said, attempting to make out the transcription.

Joel let out a sigh and a frustrated grunt. The sight only triggered memories of his times as a hunter, strolling through cities with Tommy looking for supplies and survivors. However, they never looked for survivors to save or help them, no, for his ex-hunter self performed much, much more nefarious deeds instead.

"I guess we'd be idiots to think there was anyone actually in there right?" Ellie asked.

 _Umm - that was weird, what the hell did I just say to trigger that reaction? Did I do something wrong?_

"No kiddin' - I... Christ," Joel said, rubbing his furrowed brow as he glanced towards the ground, trying to squash the painful memories away.

"What? What the fuck's the matter?" she asked.

"Sorry... it ain't you Ellie - it's just - hang on - " he started, then stopped as he turned his head away to bark out another set of wheezy, raspy coughs.

 _No! That's more times in the last twenty-four hours than I've ever heard in my entire time knowing him - and he's still coughing! Fucking stop! You're being too loud you butt munch!_

She clambered to his side, reached her hand up and frantically tried to cover his mouth, hoping to silence the loud, sickening sound that echoed down the street and through the alley ways around them.

His eyes widened in confusion and he made every effort to ignore the remaining tickle in the back of his throat.

"The hell you doin'?"

"Shh! I know you have to cough but - shit, keep it down will you! Who knows what or who the fuck is still around here!" she implored through a whisper.

"Dammit - you're right. Good point - my bad."

"I guess we really are rusty huh?" she asked with a taunting smirk.

"Tssht - yeah, figured we would be."

"So, you gonna tell me what the fuck _that_ look was for?" she asked, crossing her arms as she leered at him.

He didn't want to tell her, hoping she already forgot about it, though he knew that wasn't true. She wasn't letting him off the hook that easy.

"No... nevermind - it's nothin'," he finally spoke with a shake of the head.

Before she could even respond to express her frustration, he could _feel_ the oncoming tongue lash that awaited him for retreating back into his shell. The sudden, dagger like glare of her baleful gaze surgically shattered his protective outer-barrier, like it always did. If she was going to open up, so was he and she'd be damned if he tried to _hide_ from her.

"Joel - you better fucking tell me. You just got done lecturing me the other day about how we need to be more honest with each other and shit. I'm not letting you off the hook that easy. Tell. Me. _Now,_ " she confidently sneered, taking a step towards him.

Her face was mere centimeters from his chest as she looked up at him, effusing an aura of confident and mature austerity the likes of which he'd yet to see from her.

"Shit, fine - like I said, it ain't you Ellie. Well - " he paused and scrunched his face as he awkwardly rubbed the back of his head.

"Well what? C'mon - as you would say, spit it out!" she quietly stammered.

He let out another sigh, apprehensive to share this part of his past. However, in this moment, he knew she wouldn't take no for an answer. Once again, like always, she was the one tugging on his heart and resurrecting his ability to bond with other human beings on an emotional level.

"Well, you remember I used to be a uhh... fuckin' hunter right?"

Her expression of pure, confident demand quickly mixed with a blend of melancholy and concern.

"Oh... yeah - yeah I do."

"The first few years after the outbreak, people all over big cities pulled shit just like that," he said, pointing up to the neon, spray-painted words plastered over the window.

"It was too goddamn easy that way Ellie - s _o_ fuckin' easy. People basically just flat out told us where they were hidin' by doin' that. We knew exactly where they were holed up - made our job a walk in the park. Didn't have to spend hours searchin' for shit - for them - if you know what I mean. Jesus... the shit we did - goddamn. Reckon I don't need to tell you the rest - you already know," he continued.

 _Fuck. Sometimes I forget he used to be a hunter - the shittiest of the shittiest. How could he have been that? Him - MY Joel! It's no wonder he killed Michelle and - wait... he's the reason I'm still alive. He's the reason I'm still breathing and standing here looking into his eyes. If he never was a hunter, he probably would've never fucking learned everything he needed to keep our asses alive. Wow... that's fucked Ellie, you're actually thankful for his shitty past? What the hell ever - the world's shit anyway - like he said, it's about us, no one else. I don't care what he's done. Not, one, damn, bit. Wait - shit, first things first, you bummed him out - why'd you go and do that!?_

Joel stood there with his arms crossed, solemnly staring at the ground, avoiding her eye contact and feeling more self-conscious than he'd felt in months. He was petrified of what her reaction would be and could _feel_ her eyes carefully examining every change in his expression and mood.

Then, to his surprise, though not entirely, instead of shifting away like he thought, she shuffled closer into him and wiggled her small hand in between his arms, searching for his. The tension in his jaw and neck eased away, feeling her bony fingers intertwine with the bigger, war-torn fingers of his own. It were as if now, in this moment, she was the one in complete control, not him. Like she was pulling his head around with only her gaze and mind, nothing more, forcing his eyes to meet hers.

He couldn't resist any longer and looked down at her face.

There she was, _adorable, fragile_ and _dainty_ as could be with the slightest of smiles. Only this time, her endearing expression emitted a powerful and confident, soul piercing quality. He could feel his insides melting into a puddle, as if she knew exactly, down to the atom, what pieces of garbage were thrown together to construct him. For the first time in as long as he could remember, he actually felt _weak,_ trashed, lost and strung out. He always knew, if he had a weakness, it was _her._ Only she, _his_ little girl, had the power to crush him like a truck. And now, after all this time, she _finally_ knew it.

"I know you feel like a fucking ass hole when you remember all of that," she said, grabbing his other hand, now holding both of them.

Joel, taken aback by this newly discovered side of her, simply stood in silence, confused as could be. His tongue was stuck in his mouth, unable to muster any words and instead he simply arched his eyebrows in bewilderment, unsure of where her mind was going.

"But - " she paused, but refusing to lower her head and let out a sigh like she normally would in this moment. Instead, she remained tightly focused on his eyes and bit her lip, realizing she was about to admit, out loud, that she was actually thankful for his terrible past.

 _I can see the gears turning in that thick head of yours. I'm not letting you pull away from me ever again. You're letting me in for good - whether you fucking like it or not._

"If you hadn't done all of that - learned how to survive in this fucking place people apparently used to call America - we probably wouldn't be here - _I_ wouldn't be here," she continued.

He gulped. _I_ wouldn't be here, _she_ wouldn't be here. That alone, more than anything else, caused his entire body to quiver in fear. Finally, he cleared his throat and came to his senses, able to formulate a response.

"Ellie... Christ... you have no - goddammit - I've done a lot of _shit_ I ain't proud of. Shit I can't even try an' explain if I wanted to, it just ain't - "

"Shh. Stop," she calmly but sternly said, continuing to gaze into his eyes as she pressed a finger to his lips.

 _It's my turn to play the role of pick-me-up. I got this... I think._

She dropped the finger from his lips, reached over and pulled up her sleeve, exposing the grotesque scar across her arm.

"What did you say about this thing? What did it do for you?"

He arched his eyebrows even higher, again taken aback by how calm, yet confident and commanding she was during this vivid moment of expression.

"Huh? What you - the hell you mean?" he asked, feigning ignorance, though he knew exactly what she meant.

He was shrinking.

She was getting bigger, as if now she was the one towering over him. It was scary, uncomfortable, but strangely soothing. She was accepting him. Despite his rotten to the core heart and soul, she _loved_ him. Not just bits and pieces that she chose to selectively see, no, she loved the entirety of him, as a whole.

 _You stubborn ass - you know what I mean._

"Shut up - you know what. What did _this thing_ do?"

He brought a hand up and scratched his beard as his lips gave way to the slightest of smiles.

 _His smile always makes me smile - I can't help it._

"It brought you to me," he finally said.

Her smile widened and she gripped his hand even tighter.

" _Exactly._ Joel - I don't give a _shit_ about what you've done - who you've killed - where you've been. It doesn't matter. All that matters, is that _everything_ you did, _everything_ you went through... brought _you_ to _me._ Without you, I... I don't have a fucking clue where I'd... screw that - if I'd even be alive right now. We all have demons, burdens and shit we're not proud of but... look at the fucking world we live in," the little, yet confident girl spoke, raising her hand, displaying their surroundings as if she were giving a sales pitch.

"Things happen and we move on. We'll manage - just like we always do, right?" she continued.

His confused expression disappeared, but his smiled vanished as well. However, it wasn't due to sorrow, it was due to a combination of surprise and shock. Her mature display of emotion and articulated words surgically removed any barrier that remained in terms of fully exposing his past, exposing who he was. His heart was bursting with love for his little girl and his nerves tickled with joy from her surprising, yet not at the same time, ability to accept and love him for who he was, despite everything he'd done. The only time anyone had ever made him feel so _small_ , so _crushed_ , was when he held Sarah in his arms in the delivery room during her first seconds on earth.

He mentally pinched himself, knowing she was taking his earlier request to heart. They were opening up, letting the other one further and further in. Their already strong bond was hardening and solidifying even more as each day passed. Which, of course, always left them vulnerable to a lingering, possible tragedy. The stronger their connection became, the more painful it would be if it were to, for whatever reason, shatter and break.

Finally, his smile returned and he reached out, pulling her into his arms, squeezing her little frame as tight as he could, until he was almost hurting her, but only barely.

 _Hhuuhh - hohp! Almost too tight! Only almost... but fuck yes! He didn't push me away! Hah!_

"Oh baby girl - goddamn - scares me how much I love you," he whispered into her hair.

She pressed herself against him, closed her eyes and took in the familiar and soothing scent of his shirt. She lifted her chin from his chest, but remained tightly wrapped in his arms and looked up at him.

Her eyes sparkled like the stars that speckled the dark blue, velvety sky above them. Those eyes, _her_ eyes, pierced right through him, nearly turning his legs into spaghetti and causing his knees to buckle.

He loved her, _his_ daughter, _his_ little girl and once again mentally kicked himself for even thinking about leaving her behind in Jackson. He knew, without a doubt, he would damn the rest of humanity a thousand more times if it meant keeping her by his side and happy. He would _kill_ just to keep her smiling.

"I love you - _all_ of you. And there's nothing you can say or do that'll scare me away. After everything we've been through - everything that I've done - absolutely fucking nothing," she said with a humongous grin of her own.

"I know sweetie," he cooed with his usual deep and raspy yet soothing voice.

 _Pssht - yeah, yeah... of course you do - like always. Whatever Ellie, you love it when he takes care of you and you know it._

He kissed her on the forehead then turned and peered off into the distance, noticing a large building that appeared to be a hotel before the outbreak. She observed the turn of his head and tried to trace the path of his gaze with hers.

"Reckon that looks like it used to be a hotel or somethin' - whadd'ya think? Go for it?" he asked, looking back down at her.

She nodded and took a deep breath.

"Yep - might as well. Let's do it."

* * *

Their flashlights flickered on, illuminating the dimly lit lobby of the abandoned hotel. Sheets of paper, open luggage with various items of clothing and rusted baggage carts sprawled across the floor. The once, high quality furniture that decorated the sitting area was now torn and stained with blood and bits of cotton fluff poked through the ripped fabric on the cushions. Despite the visible evidence of twenty-one years of decay, the hotel still maintained a luxurious and finished feel.

"Reminds me of Pittsburgh," Ellie quietly said.

"Mmhmm - stay sharp," Joel responded.

"Way ahead of you," she coyly retorted.

"Tssht - alright then."

They approached a large, double sided staircase that wound up and behind them to a balcony that overlooked the entire lobby. The off-white, marble steps somehow, even after all this time, still had a shine to them. The hand rail was a thick, oil rubbed bronze and it gave the grand stairwell a polished finish with its intricate designs and patterns.

"Man - this place is nice. Up we go? Never sleep on the first floor right?" she asked.

"Right again - reckon we'll head to the second or third floor."

They reached the balcony and anxiously scanned the area with their flashlights, half expecting to see the telltale signs of Infected. But there was none, not a sound echoed through the grand room. They could only hear the sound of the angst ridden breaths leaving their lips.

 _It's way too fucking quiet - I think I can hear his heart beat... I think. Maybe I'm just getting more tried... fuuuuucck - I'm exhausted._

"Don't see any Infected... yet anyway," Joel said.

"Yeah - hope it stays that way."

They started to nervously sweat and their heart rates increased, thinking that each second of the serene silence could be their last of the night.

"Dammit - stairwell's blocked," Joel said before heaving a sigh.

Ellie glanced down the hall to her right and noticed an elevator shaft and its outer, steel doors slightly ajar.

"Psst - Joel - look. Down there, elevator shaft," she whispered, pointing down the hall.

Joel scratched his brow, uneasy with the idea since what happened in Pittsburgh was now fresh in his mind. But he was tired and he knew _she_ was tired. They'd become so in tune with the other, he could practically hear the extra weight she carried from her exhaustion with each tired step she took.

"Alright... ain't a fan of these odds - but seems quiet as hell in here. Let's go."

They cautiously approached the elevator shaft and Joel leaned in through the ajar doors, shining his flashlight to the bottom. Ellie grabbed a hold of his sleeve for comfort, but also in fear of him falling to the bottom even though it seemed ridiculous at the time.

"See anything?" she whispered.

"Nah - can't see crap - but check it out."

He reached his hand above and patted the wall.

"Ladder here - reachin' to the third floor. Lemme go first - make sure it's clear," he continued.

 _Gaaaahhh! Please be quick! I don't wanna stand here in the dark by myself for long - but be fucking careful!_

"Joel! Be careful - please!" she quietly yet frantically stammered.

"Yeah, yeah - I got this."

He turned around and leaned back through the crevice of the door. He reached above him, grabbed the ladder and hoisted himself up with all of his might, quietly grunting all along the way. The ladder groaned and creaked from his weight, but it seemed to hold. He peeked over the edge and once again found nothing but dead silence and barren emptiness. He took a deep breath and his heart rate slowly receded from its previous peak.

"All clear - c'mon kiddo. Just... take one step, that's all ya need and I gotcha," he said, kneeling down and reaching his hand out.

 _Phew - okay. I got this - just one step. Here we go._

She reached her arm up, her little hand nervously shaking until she could feel the touch of cold steel from the ladder on her fingertips. She planted her other hand on the first bar then started pulling herself up. The ladder loudly screeched and groaned once again and all of a sudden the angular piece of metal that latched onto the floor above snapped in half. The ancient, rusted steel only barely managed to support Joel's weight and hers was the final straw.

Her heart rate spiked and a complete, unrelenting, punishing level of panic annihilated her every nerve. Her eyes widened, her pupils dilating to the size of the moon in the sky and she shot her arm straight up, as high as she could, reaching for Joel's hand.

Not close enough.

 _Oh god! Fuck! Fuck! Shit - no, no, no!_

"Ellie! Fuck! Ellie! No!" he shouted in a terrified panic.

Before she knew it, she was falling, back first, into the unknown darkness of the elevator shaft. Her flashlight illuminated his face and her eyes clung to him, as if he were the last thing she would see before dying while she fell. His figure got smaller and smaller, then she hit the basement floor with a painful thud.

"Uagh - ungh... oh... fuck," she yelped in pain, hardly able to breath.

Her eyes danced about, trying to find the one thing that would bring her solace and comfort. The one thing that would assure her everything was fine, her rock, her foundation, her protector, Joel. However, she could only see the faint glow of his flashlight high above and nothing more.

Finally she heard his voice.

"Oh god - no! No! Ellie! Sweetie! Talk to me honey! C'mon baby girl! I _know_ you're still there! Talk to me! Ellie!" he shouted at the top of his lungs, throwing all caution to be quiet to the wind.

"Joel!"


	7. Hotels and Coffee Shops

**AN: Cliffhanger! I tried to update quickly, even though this one is long. I liked writing this chapter. I will warn you, it gets intense... in more ways than one. And by that I mean, it's possible I may make some people uncomfortable, though that is not my intention. You'll know exactly what I mean the second you read the content I'm referring to. However, I personally feel there's nothing wrong with it at all and is only another advancement in their relationship and character development. Also, it's been fun getting to really stretch and pull the boundaries of what these two have been normally comfortable with and see them get closer and closer.**

 **Just a F.Y.I, I will be going on a short vacation later this week. I won't be back until Sunday, therefore the next chapter after this might be delayed longer than usual. Again, thank you everyone for reading and extra thanks to those who leave reviews! You're all awesome!**

 **Anyway, enough of my rambling. I hope y'all enjoy this, it's a juicy one! :)**

* * *

Joel finally exhaled the massive intake of air that was bound in panic in his lungs, relieved to know that in those split few seconds, his purpose and reason for living hadn't been ripped away. Hearing her voice, signifying she was at the very least alive, untied the knot in his stomach and eased away his urge to throw up right then and there.

"Oh thank god," he softly muttered to himself as he dropped his head.

"Joel!" Ellie shouted in angst again, unable to hear his mutterings from above.

 _Joel!? Talk to me! Please!_

Her frantic shout snapped him out of his state of self-assuring relief. Deep in his heart, he could feel the consternation, fear and dread in her voice. Hearing her so afraid only made him more desperate to simply ignore all reason and logic and jump down to wrap her in his arms. They were separated by a free fall of paralyzing fear and darkness, and it was the farthest they'd been pulled apart since her last night sleeping alone in Jackson.

He gulped, dropped to his stomach then leaned over the edge and shined his flashlight down below, praying he would see her. The dim light barely made its way down and he faintly saw the glimmer of her greasy, auburn hair shine against it.

"I'm here honey, I'm here!"

"You okay girl!?" he continued to shout.

She let out a grunt of discomfort, scrunching her face in pain and slowly rose to her knees.

"Augh - yeah... yeah, I guess so - god fucking dammit," she softly said, half to herself, half to him. He could barely hear her.

Joel closed his eyes and let out another deep breath as he rested his chin on the edge of the cold, steel elevator door. The frozen hand of death that chilled his heart faded away now that he heard her voice again. However, his paranoia refused to loosen its grip on his mind and nerves. He would only know for certain that she was okay once she was in his arms.

"Scared the hell outta me - nearly gave me a heart attack," he shouted with a less panicked tone.

His deep, echoing voice rippled down the Elevator shaft, soothing Ellie ever so slightly when it reached her ears. She rubbed her eyes and raised her flashlight, unaware that it was knocked loose and malfunctioning after the fall.

 _What the - oh no. C'mon! C'mon! Work you piece of shit!_

Beads of sweat collected on her brow and her breathing remained shallow and quick, but only intensified even more, fearing she would be trapped in the dark. Her hands still shook from the fall and she smacked the flashlight multiple times, shaking it back and forth until the light finally flickered back on. After fumbling with it she scrambled to her feet and frantically observed her surroundings.

 _Please no Infected - please, please._

Surrounding her were giant, jagged and sharp scraps of metal. Debris, rusted steel beams and barbed wire filled the small area, covering the basement floor of the elevator shaft. No more than ten feet away was the exterior door, which remained ajar. Dried blood caked over the edges of the bent steel, as it looked like something, or someone, forcefully pried it open and tried to slither their way through. She glanced down and noticed the only discontinuity in the pile of flesh-tearing metal that littered the floor was right where she stood beneath her feet. She fell in the only possible spot that wouldn't have killed her instantly. The space was just _barely_ big enough to fit her small frame, leaving her skin unscathed. She gulped and her eyes widened in disbelief, knowing that despite their misfortune, it could have been worse. An inch in any direction, and she was dead. Their luck hadn't entirely run out.

 _Holy shit that was close - you're one lucky girl Ellie... sort of._

Joel, not having heard her voice for longer than he'd like, yearned to hear it again to assure him she remained unharmed.

"Ellie! You still there! C'mon talk to me!"

"Yeah - I'm here... Joel there's - "

"Okay! I'm... I'm comin' down alright!? Just wait there!" Joel shouted in response.

 _No! He can't! He's gonna die or in the very least impale himself... again!_

Ellie quickly darted her light up to him and shouted back in a frenzy.

"No, no! Don't! Don't do that! Please! There's too much shit down here! You'll fucking kill yourself!"

Joel stopped after intelligently listening to Ellie. His brain rapidly sifted through thought after thought, desperately trying to come up with a solution that would get him to her.

 _Wait - shit. How... how am I gonna - oh no - oh god. I'm down here... alone._

Her heart rate increased once again and agony consumed her upon realizing that somehow, she would have to find her way back up to him, alone. The all too familiar feeling of adrenaline trickling into her bloodstream resumed the violent shaking of her hands. She was frightened, petrified and _he_ could _feel_ all of it shooting from her eyes that gazed up at him, begging for comfort.

"Shit! Joel! How am I gonna back up there!? Joel, you gotta - you gotta tell me what to do! Please! I'm... I'm scared!" she shouted after gulping in terror once again.

Hearing those words from her, _I'm scared,_ crushed him. Her hardened personality and tough exterior never permitted her to admit such things. Her resilience always exemplified her nerves of steel and hearing her verbally acknowledge her terror only increased his desire to reach her. He knew she was petrified. He knew she was _alone._

"I know baby, I know!" he shouted, paternal care and worry palpable behind each word.

"Just - " he continued, before pausing as he tried to think of a plan.

He anxiously examined every inch of the elevator shaft around him, his eyes dancing in his sockets as he desperately tried to think of any way to climb down.

It was no use, he came up empty. There was nothing.

"Goddammit!" he snapped, punching his fist against the wall next to him.

"Joel! That's not fucking helping! C'mon, tell me what to do!" she stammered from down below.

Joel sighed and wiped his brow.

"Okay - there's gotta be... there's gotta be another stairwell - a fire escape somewhere or somethin' - at the other end of the floor! Can you at least get out of the damn shaft here!?"

Ellie glanced back over to the blood covered, pried opened metal door.

"Yeah - I think can climb through!"

"Alright - shit... just get outta there an'... like I said, there's gotta be another set of stairs around here - has to be! You find 'em an' you run up here, fast, as fast as you can! Ya hear me!? I'm gonna find it on this floor an' make my way to you alright!?"

Ellie nodded and gulped once again.

"Uh-huh - okay."

"Ellie - just... baby - I'm beggin' ya to be careful! Please girl! If ya see Infected... remember - quiet as a mouse! You stay as quiet as a goddamn mouse okay!? Use that knife of yours if ya have to!"

Her gaze remained intensely focused on his dimly lit figure high above. Every fiber in her being yearned to be up there, to be _safe_ with him.

But he just had to say that word, Infected.

"Ohhh fuck Joel - why'd you have to say that!? I'm... I'm tired and my stupid hands wont stop shaking - I'm scared!" she shouted back, continuing to let herself express her fear unrestrained. She never used to do so, even if her body language said more than any words could.

 _They won't stop fucking shaking! Calm down Ellie - take a deep breath, everything's cool._

The angst and terror behind her cracking voice cut him deeper. She _needed_ him, but he couldn't be there for her. And he knew it. He clenched his eyes shut and gritted his teeth in frustration, feeling utterly powerless in this moment.

"I know sweetie, I know - everything's gonna be okay! Focus alright!? Just - find those stairs an' be careful _as hell_ \- please!" Joel implored one last time.

 _Okay - I got this. Stairs. Right. Here we go._

* * *

Ellie turned around and slowly tiptoed her way through the heap of jagged, metal debris. Her nerves tingled in fear knowing that each step she took, she was moving further and further away from Joel, her guardian and _purpose_. She made it to the door and carefully wiggled her way through, stepping into the vast, pitch black basement.

Each beat of her heart that pounded behind her rib cage echoed in her ear drums. She thought, that just maybe, it was so loud that whatever lurked in the shadows nerby could hear it as well. She unhitched her switchblade and crouched down, commanding herself to be, as Joel said, quiet as a mouse.

 _Quiet as a mouse. Wouldn't be the first time, you can do this. Just look for stairs - find Joel - then get the fuck out of here._

She rounded a corner and entered a long hallway, her eyes only able to see what her flashlight would let her. An old vending machine sat against the wall to her left, the front of if completely torn open. Hundreds of soda cans covered the floor of the hallway and each time her foot nudged into one, she cringed at the sound of tin sliding against the cold, slab of concrete beneath her.

As she darted the flashlight around, nervously observing every inch of her surroundings, her heart skipped a beat and her throat clenched. A clicker stood at the end of the hallway, with its head dropped in its resting position. Her stomach churned and she could already feel her adrenal glands going back to work.

 _Oh shit! No, no, no! I knew they had to be somewhere - guess I found them... lucky me. Just. Stay. Quiet._

She tried to lighten her steps even more, tiptoeing as softly as she could down the hallway, pleading for her feet to not misstep. The clicker was close now, no more than fifteen feet away and she could hear it quietly snarling and clicking as it twitched in place. She tightened the grip around her switchblade, causing the whites of her knuckles to lose more and more of their natural, fleshy color.

Suddenly, she stumbled, and her foot stepped on a soda can. The object slid against the concrete floor, emitting a sharp and excruciatingly loud screech of tin grinding against stone. Immediately she stretched her lips back and squinted in despair, half hoping the clicker somehow didn't hear the noise.

It did.

It shrieked and came to life, flailing its hands into the air as it let loose a series of furious clicks.

 _Shit! Shit! Shit!_

Within seconds it tracked her position as the soda can was sent sputtering out from under her feet, smashing into the others that littered the floor. The beast charged her and without delay, as if she'd been doing this all her life, she picked up a can threw it at the horrid monster as hard as she could. She watched it, in slow motion, arc through the air and glisten in the glow of her flashlight. She prayed it would land. It _had_ to land.

 _Clink._

The twenty-one year old soda can slammed into the clicker's face, causing it to shriek once again and stumble backwards. With no hesitation whatsoever, Ellie ran straight for it, switchblade in hand and ready to end its miserable existence.

 _FUCK! YOU!_

She leaped towards the beast before it could recover. She raised her weapon high above then drove it deep into the clicker's face, causing it to let out another screech. She quickly pulled the blade out then skewered it once more through the throat, causing its loud and Infected summoning cries to cease. After violently ripping the knife through its flesh, blood spurted from the gaping wound onto her black and red plaid hoodie.

She was panting. Her heart pounded away in her chest, but a swell of confidence filled her while she watched the body go limp and fall to the ground at her feet, twitching in its final moments of life.

 _Fuck yes! You can do this. You got this Ellie. Find Joel. Get to those stairs. Get to him. Now._

She quickened her pace, yet still maintaining her delicate and elegant steps across the floor. She rounded another corner, only to find herself in a massive, sprawling room. Tables and chairs, some broken, others in one piece, were strewn across the room. Her eyes widened and she wiped the sweat from her brow, frantically trying to find the exit.

 _C'mon - c'mon. It's gotta be here somewhere! It - aha! Yes! There!_

Her light barely caught the corner of a green exit sign hanging from the ceiling. She traced the path of her exit with the flashlight and when it dropped to head level, her breathing quickly ceased as she gasped.

 _Dread._

Dozens of clickers, runners and stalkers stood in between her and the exit, her safety and salvation. Some were resting, others were slowly lumbering around, moaning and hungry for a fresh meal.

She gulped again, feeling her insides tie into a knot. She wanted to throw up, but knew she couldn't.

 _No, no, no - shit! Oh fuck! No! So close! Just... be fucking quiet and you got this._

A narrower room, off to the left and separated from the main area, extended all the way to other side.

 _Okay - go through there - it'll lead you right to the stairwell. Quiet as a mouse._

She slithered her way to the side room and tiptoed through the ajar door. Inside stood a runner, trudging along in an unpredictable path. As it turned its back to her, she quietly darted over and knelt behind a desk. She closed her eyes and tried to calm her breathing, thinking it could somehow hear her panicked breaths. She clenched her hands shut and implored them to stop shaking like a dried up leaf in an autumn breeze.

 _C'mon - calm the fuck down. You're almost there._

The runner began making its way towards the desk. Each step it took only made its grunts and snarls more audible to her little ears. She pressed her back against the desk, trying to make herself as small as possible, praying it wouldn't see her. It was now mere inches away, the only separation between them being the desk itself.

It stopped.

It darted its head back and forth, sniveling and grunting, eager to find a fresh meal. Ellie could hear its all too familiar sounds as it towered just inches above and behind her.

 _Please, please, please - go the fuck way - turn around you piece of shit! C'mon!_

Miraculously, her desperate pleads were answered. It turned around and resumed its lumbering walk in the opposite direction. She immediately pounced on the opportunity and tiptoed behind it, knife in hand. She jumped up and rammed the blade into the creature's neck, preventing it from letting out a scream that would awaken the entire room. She yanked the blade out and fell backwards as she watched the body slam into a nearby table as it collapsed to the floor.

 _Shit! Too loud!_

Within seconds, more runners, a few stalkers and clickers immediately made their way into the room, in search of the source of the crashing bang. The monsters poured in from each side, snarling, screeching and desperate to find her. She hid behind another desk that nudged up against the far wall to the left. She was making progress towards her destination, carefully and slowly.

 _Go, go, go! Now's your chance! Gotta move!_

She softly crawled along the floor against the wall, hoping none would spot her. The collecting group of Infected provided just enough of a distraction for her to reach the other side. Just before crawling through the doorway, she rose to her feet.

Her heart rate spiked and it vigorously pounded away in her chest. She was so close. She could see it. She could _taste_ it. She could _feel_ Joel's presence already.

Not yet.

A stalker slammed her in the back of the head, sending her tumbling to the ground. Her knife slipped from her fingers and slid across the floor, bouncing off of the bottom step of the stairs after ricocheting from object to object.

 _Ack - augh - shit - oh no... no!_

She turned herself over, only to see the stalker mere feet away, ready to pounce on top of her and rip her to smithereens. Without a second delay, she pulled out her pistol and pointed the barrel at the oncoming beast's head. Her hands shook with fear, knowing exactly what events would follow once she pulled the trigger. She was petrified, completely consumed by terror and the contents of her bladder leaked onto her underwear and jeans.

She had to pull the trigger. She had no choice.

 _Bang!_

The bullet cored into the stalker's skull, piercing its brain and causing its body to go limp in midair as it fell towards her. The lone gunshot rang through the entirety of the basement, waking every beast that lurked within earshot. In only the blink of an eye, the entire room sprang to life. Loud, ear piercing screeches and howls shattered the silence around her and she could _feel_ each step of every Infected that stampeded her way. Then, as if it couldn't get any worse.

It did.

Right behind her, a door flung open and she heard a loud, guttural roar. She snapped her head around and jumped to her feet only to see a bloater lumbering its way towards her. Its grotesque fungal plates completely covered its body, slowing its movement speed just enough for her to react and get away. It let loose another roar, sensing her close proximity. The sound sent a mortal chill down her spine. She had to run.

 _GOTTA RUN! GO ELLIE! GO! GO! GO!_

Her primitive fight or flight instincts took over and she immediately bolted for the stairwell, pistol in hand. She reached down and swiped up her switchblade as she ran by, frantically stumbling up the first few steps. Dozens of Infected followed right on her tail. She could hear the gnashing of their teeth and howling for her tasty flesh as she climbed the stairs in a panic.

One step.

Two steps.

Three steps, four, five, six, seven.

It felt like they went on forever and her eyes started to water. She began to cry while sprinting up the stairs for her life, desperate to find Joel and feeling as if the end was near at any moment. Her muscles started to seize and maintaining this pace while climbing upwards seemed impossible. But she _had_ to. Her life depended on it.

Literally.

A particularly zealous runner was gaining on her. Its footsteps got louder and louder and she could feel its sickly breath on the back of her neck. She turned her head, pointed her pistol and fired while attempting to keep her swift pace up the steps. The runner fell backwards and tumbled down the stairs. Its body plowed through the horde of Infected chasing after her like a bowling ball, knocking them off balance as if they were frail pins. Each one, runners, clickers and stalkers, stumbled and tripped over the body that rolled through their feet. Yet, it didn't deter their persistent desire to chase her, for this was all they knew.

The loud crackle of her gun only made them more hungry and assured them that a meal was indeed nearby. A pile of writhing Infected bodies formed in the stairwell as more and more of the beasts tripped over their own brethren. But it was no use, their hunger for her flesh forced them to clamor back to their feet while they stumbled up the steps to keep after her.

"You fuckers wanna eat! Come and get it!" Ellie shouted as a surge of strength filled her.

She pointed her pistol behind as she strafed up the steps, firing multiple rounds, each one making contact with a head of an Infected. A trail of corpses littered the steps behind her as evidence of her deeds. The bodies acted as temporary road blocks, slowing down the next one just enough that she started distancing herself from the pack.

Her muscles ached and stung from sprinting up the steps for so long. Her breaths were violent and exasperated as her little, tired body gave _everything_ it had to keep her alive. She was already tired to begin with and now she felt completely drained, straining herself to keep up her quick pace, to keep _fighting._

She had to reach Joel, she had to reach her _purpose_.

Finally, after climbing to a break in the steps, she saw a door with an adjacent sign stamped with the number three.

It was the third floor. She made it. Something inside told her Joel was there, he _had_ to be. She let out a frantic, anxious, little squeak and as she tore the door open, she saw more Infected storming down the steps from above. Her gunshots had echoed throughout the stairwell, summoning all of the nearby Infected from above and below.

She bolted through the door and stumbled into the carpeted hallway. Her flashlight flickered and she prayed the path before was clear.

It was.

 _Joel, Joel, JOEL! C'mon, where are you!?_

Then, in her panicked state, unable to fully take in all of her surroundings, she tripped over a loose wire that stretched across the floor. She tumbled and rolled, falling onto her back. The horde of Infected poured through the doorway, chasing after her into the hallway. Their meal was knocked prone, helpless and on the ground.

They could sense it. They could _smell_ her fear. They could already taste her supple skin.

She could _feel_ them sense it. She could hear their hungry snarls increase in volume and intensity. She rose her pistol and tried to push herself up at the same time. She pulled the trigger.

 _Click._

Nothing. She was out of bullets.

 _WHAT!? NO! NO! Oh god - no, no, no! This is it Ellie! This is the end! It's -_

Suddenly she heard a voice. It was Joel's voice, _his_ voice.

"No! Ellie! No! No! Move! Move!" Joel screamed as he charged down the hallway, shotgun in hand.

She tried to get up but only tripped again, falling onto her stomach. She began crawling towards him, desperate to reach his feet, only to feel a stalker grab her by the leg. She snapped her head around and watched in terror as it opened its mouth wide, ready to plunge its gnashing teeth into her fair, soft flesh.

 _Boom! Click-click._

Joel fired his shotgun, unleashing a furious spray of shrapnel into the stalker's head just before it took its first bite, causing the contents of its head to explode over the floor. He pointed and fired again, knocking back several more Infected, throwing their bodies like a rag doll into the oncoming pack.

 _Boom! Click-click. Boom! Click-click. Boom! Click-click._

Finally, she reached him and she could hear the booming sound of his gun rattle her ear drums as he fired once again into the wave of Infected. In this moment, the thundering sound of the shotgun was like music to her ears.

Joel reached down and lifted Ellie to her feet, shoving her behind him as he stepped forward, continuing to unload all of his shells into the frothing-at-the-mouth beasts that stormed towards them. He slowly, but surely, pushed the wave back. Bodies, blood, guts and bits of shattered bone spewed into the air, plastering the walls and carpet after each pull of the trigger. Joel gritted his teeth and poured every ounce of anger and hatred into each shell, hoping to painfully punish every single one of them for trying to kill _his_ little girl.

His _purpose._

 _Yeah! Fuck yes! Get 'em Joel! Pieces of shit!_

Joel was now mere feet from the door to the stairwell, shredding his way through the Infected. A lapse in the once continuous wave granted him a reprieve and he pulled out a nail bomb, threw it in the stairwell then slammed the door shut. He scrambled for a nearby chair then propped it up against the doorknob, locking the soon to be blown-to-smithereens Infected inside.

 _BOOM!_

The bomb exploded, causing a shower of blood to spurt onto the narrow window of the door.

 _Holy shit - holy shit. You're still alive - he's still alive. It's over - I can't believe it's over._

A strange, but pleasant deafening silence filled the air around them. It was quiet again. No shrieks or cries of Infected could be heard. Dozens of mangled bodies decorated the floor and Ellie simply stood like a statue in shock with a smear of sweat and blood down her chin and to the base of her neck. Her body started coming down from the adrenaline high and her muscles screamed in aching pain. Every bump, bruise and cut now burned her nerve endings. She stood rigidly in place, the only motion from her little frame was the rapid contraction and expansion of her chest as she desperately sucked air into her lungs.

If she was tired before the entire struggle, she was utterly exhausted now, completely spent after her body gave everything it had. She had nothing left.

She watched Joel run straight for her with worry, fear, concern and relief filling his eyes. She yearned to feel his arms around her and wanted to lunge into him, but she was too tired to even move. Her small, nearly broken frame stood there, barely able to hold itself up and she let out a tired, scared whimper when he got close, unable to voice any actual words.

The sound that peeped from her lips tore at his heart and she could see the twitch in his face once he realized how terrified she was.

 _Oh... god... I - I..._

He placed his hands on both sides of her head and looked into her exhausted, tear filled eyes. Her muscles went limp and she simply let his hands guide her, keeping her on her feet.

His breathing was still heavy and rapid, but feeling her soft, small cheeks in his hands was already putting him at ease.

"Oh god - baby, honey - you okay? You hurt?" he stammered in a frenzy.

Ellie could barely form any words, and she simply nodded her head and let out a sniffle as she gazed into his eyes. She was safe now. She was back in his presence and she wasn't _alone._

He let out a massive exhale of relief and closed his eyes as he pulled her tiny self into his arms.

"You're okay baby girl - we're okay - I thought I'd lost.. oh Christ," he whispered into her ear.

He nearly lost her, again. And knowing she was still alive, unharmed and now protected in his embrace caused him to give way to a quiet, airy laugh of relief as he dug his nose into her neck. He kissed her jawline and rubbed away a tear from her cheek.

"Ellie, sweetie - you're shakin' like a leaf. I'm here, I've gotcha - talk to me girl - c'mon," he said, desperate to hear her voice.

She slowly reached her shaking hands up to his sleeve and tried to latch onto him. She opened her lips and finally put forth a response.

"I'm... I'm... I - " she timidly said, unable to finish her thought.

Her lips trembled as her mind quickly recapped the nightmare-worthy terror she experienced down in the basement. It was the first time in her entire life that she came face to face with so many Infected by herself, while she was utterly, _alone._ Part of her swelled with pride, realizing how well she handled herself. But at the same time, the lingering effects of the soul destroying, lonesome fear from minutes ago crushed her.

"Joel... I - " she tried to continue, but felt her lips tremble again.

"Shh, I'm here baby - shh, it's okay, it's okay."

"L-l-look," she stuttered, pointing to the giant, wet spot on her jeans.

His eyes followed the point of her finger and his heart sank, feeling a lump form in his throat. He'd never seen _that_ from her before. He _felt_ for her. It was only a natural reaction when one stares death in the face. He'd be lying if he claimed it never happened to him, or Tommy, or anyone for that matter, during the first few years after the outbreak. It only made him realize just how horrified and scared for her life she'd been. Visualizing her in such a frightened state ached him to the core and he hated himself in this moment for even suggesting they walk into this building. Every fiber of his being wished he could've prevented the last twenty minutes and his only desire right now, above all else, was to encase her in his embrace and shower her with protective love and care.

He wrapped his arms around her, picked her up and rested her chin on his shoulder as he squeezed her small self against him.

"Oh honey - my baby - it's okay, don't worry. It ain't a big deal I swear sweetie - it's gonna be fine. C'mon - we're gettin' the hell outta here. I've gotcha - here we go," he cooed as he gently stroked the back of her head while making his way back through the hallway.

She closed her eyes and let out a deep breath while nuzzling into the side of his neck, wishing she could make herself even smaller so as to make every inch of her quivering frame covered by some part of him. Her muscles relaxed and she tried to sync her breathing his, feeling his chest gently expand against hers while he held her. She relished the feeling of being carried, safe and protected in his loving arms. As always, this was _her_ domain, she was safe here and nothing could touch her except him.

 _It's okay, he said it was fine. Now isn't the time to be embarrassed. He's got you, you're safe in his arms. You're in your favorite place in the world. He won't judge you - he said so himself. He LOVES you Ellie, more than fucking anything. You know that._

Joel carried her out of the abandoned hotel which had temporarily became their worst nightmare. He felt another deep exhale leave her lips as her breath rushed against his skin. Her petrified shaking ceased and he no longer felt the constant vibration from her quivering frame that he thought would never end. She was safe in his arms and he refused to let her down until reaching a place to rest for the night.

She parted her lips and finally spoke a full, coherent thought.

"No more hotels... ever... again," she softly said, her nose still lightly pressed against his neck.

Hearing her voice and feeling the reverberations from her chest against his as she spoke was soothing, reinforcing the fact that she was alive and _protected_. He squeezed her tighter then affectionately kissed her on the cheek, adoring the fact that she was cuddled in his grasp.

"Reckon I ain't gonna fight ya on that one baby girl. You got it - no more goddamn hotels."

* * *

Joel leaned into the door of a small coffee shop they found off of the main drag through town. The shop's few windows were already boarded up and was small enough that it only had one entrance, something that put his mind at ease. Bits of glass and pieces of rotten food littered the floor, filing the air with a slight, moldy stench. But it didn't matter, it was exactly the kind of place they needed to rest.

A small nook, behind what used to be the counter with the cash register, formed a perfect nest for their sleeping bag. The spot would provide them a place to sleep out of plain sight, hidden away from the horrors that lurked beyond the walls of their temporary den.

He gently set Ellie down, leaning her against the wall and felt her fingers tighten their grip on his sleeve as he tried to pull away.

"I'm just gonna bar up the door - I'll be right back I promise," he said, looking down at her.

 _He'll only be a few feet away - I know. I'll see him the entire time but I don't wanna... please. Don't be long. Please._

She simply nodded in response, her pony tail brushing against the wall behind her. She watched him stack everything he could find against the door, never letting her gaze leave his figure. He placed every chair, every small table he could get his hands on against it. After barring the door with everything he could find, his eyes darted around the room, hoping to find one last, final item to put his paranoia at ease. In the corner of his vision, just to the left of his feet, he saw a half-empty, glass canister of sugar. He lunged down and quickly planted it atop the barrier of debris as a declaration of victory then let out a deep breath.

 _Hah! What the fuck? He's funny. Wait - I just smiled!_

Her lips managed a small smile and she let out a light snicker. Joel's eyes widened, hearing the muffled sound behind him and he turned around only to see her gazing at him with her crystallized, green eyes.

"Tssht - somethin' funny kiddo?"

"Yeah - you think that tiny stupid thing is gonna do _any_ good at all?" she responded playfully.

"Hey - ya never know. Reckon it could - can't ever be too safe," he said with a smile of his own as he strutted back to her.

 _Eh - guess he's got a point. Now get back here! Gimme!_

Ellie reached out her arms, wiggling her fingers back and forth as she eagerly awaited for him to return. The expression that washed over her face was one of pure, unabated yearning and he could _feel_ the invisible rope that tied their souls together pulling him to her.

She _needed_ him, _needed_ to be back in his arms. He snickered to himself, as if the mere thought that he didn't need the same thing was absurd. He _needed_ to feel her against him just as much as she did. The evening's life threatening events yanked out the purest of vulnerable emotions from both of them, and neither cared to hold them back. They were way past that.

"C'mon! Don't leave me waiting! Get over here you! Gimme!" she said with impish delight.

She didn't even have to say _what_ she wanted. Every part of him already _knew_ , like he always did.

He let out a laugh and smiled as he quickened his pace. "I'm comin' - hold your horses!"

He knelt down to her level and felt her wiggle into his arms, nuzzling into his chest. She smiled and let out a deep breath, feeling his forearms pressed against her sharp, bony shoulder blades.

 _Ahhhh - mmmm - that's the stuff._

"How you doin' sweet pea - you okay?" he softly said after kissing her hair.

She lifted her head away and looked up at him, only to see the scruff of his beard just above her face and his tired, pain filled eyes gazing back at her.

"Better now," she peeped.

Her smile waned and she averted her eyes as her cheeks blushed with embarrassment.

"My... my pants though - I'm sorry Joel... I'm - "

"Shhh," he said as he gently pressed his lips to the bridge of her nose, feeling the tickle of her eyelashes against them.

"It's _okay_ don't be sorry. There's _nothin'_ to be sorry about. It ain't a big deal. Reckon it's happened to everyone in this shitty world at least once," he cooed.

Her eyes widened, but her cheeks returned to their normal, fair complexion. He made _everything_ seem okay.

"Oh... even - even you?" she sheepishly asked.

He let out a small snicker. "Even me - first few years after the outbreak... Christ - Tommy an' I... it was bad. But eventually you get numb to everything. That shit - _those_ things stop scarin' the daylights outta ya."

She smiled, relieved to hear his empathetic response. Mere months ago, she wouldn't have _ever_ been able to pull that out of him.

"Heh - oh. Guess I don't feel so bad then," she softly said with a small laugh of her own.

"Could you... get me my clean... ish jeans and umm... ya know - underwear?" she timidly asked with a smile.

She closely watched his face, examining the multitude of expressions that ran across it. She could hear the gears turning in his head, praying that once again, he would follow her steps forward in becoming comfortable with the other and not deny her another moment of tenderness.

Finally, he simply smiled and without saying a word he reached into her pack and pulled out her only other pair of jeans, and, as she requested, a clean pair of underwear. He set them next to her feet on the floor then patted her on the head.

"There ya go - get changed, I'll give ya your privacy an' dig us out some food, alright?"

 _No! I'm not letting you pull away - it's just me. You're letting me in no matter, remember?_

As he began to pull away, he felt her small hand tug on his arm, stopping his retreat to the other side of the counter. He gulped then turned his head back around to face her.

"Unh-unh," she quietly mumbled with a light, shake of the head.

"Ellie, I - "

"Joel - no. I don't want you out of my fucking sight okay?"

"But - Christ Ellie you need to - "

"Stop. Just, _stop._ Relax," she softly said, gently pulling on his sleeve.

He cleared his throat and his eyes nervously darted around. And for the second time in her entire time knowing him, and coincidentally the second time in one day, she saw him blush. Like they'd been doing since leaving Jackson, they were continuing to open up, letting the other further and further in, past their internal defenses. As always in situations like these, she was the one in control. His damaged and crippled ability to deal with emotion was something she took on, like a challenge. She _refused_ to give up and she _refused_ to let him quit on her.

"It will be okay. The world won't fucking explode, remember?" she continued.

He ran a hand over his face and sighed, still unable to formulate a response. She was on the the other side of the metaphorical gap, turned around and looking towards him, waiting for him to make the jump just as she did minutes ago.

"Look - I _need_ you to be with me. And don't even fucking try to tell me you don't need to keep me closer than an arm's length as well 'cause I _know_ you'd be lying through your teeth."

She was perceptive, as always. He could never hide from her radar, no matter how hard he tried. She was correct and her pointed words once again cut straight through him.

"I'm _your_ daughter. Your - " she paused and felt her voice quiver. "Your... your baby girl - like you've always told me I was. It's just me, just a human body - _mine_ \- _me_. It will be okay, no one's gonna die and your eyes won't burn out of their sockets. Just. Stay. _Please_?" she pressed on.

Her persistence and reasoning broke him down. It amazed him, yet again, how more comfortable she was than him when it came to moments like these. She grew up in a world vastly different from his, with a completely different set of laws and taboos, hardly any for that matter. Moreover, he realized that if it were Sarah, he would have done _exactly_ as she'd asked. He'd changed her diapers when she was a baby. He bathed her when she he was young. And no matter what, at any age, if she asked him to do _anything,_ he would, as any parent would do for their child. And right now, in this moment, Ellie, who'd become his daughter, _needed_ him to stay and yearned to keep his comforting presence no more than inches away.

If Sarah ever needed the same, he wouldn't have hesitated for a second. And that thought alone, shattered his resistance.

He reached out and cupped her cheek as he took another deep breath.

"Al-alright baby girl - I ain't goin' anywhere," se responded with a slight shake of his voice.

She untied her shoes and kicked them off then began to unbutton her jeans. His heart rate spiked and he gulped again, still feeling sickeningly uncomfortable with the situation. But she needed him to stay, she _wanted_ him to stay, and he'd be _damned_ if he disappointed his little girl.

She pulled the zipper down.

He rubbed his eyes and shook his head then ran a hand through his hair. Feeling more and more awkward the closer she got to undressing. He noticed the waistline of her jeans slide below her feet and onto the floor, exposing the entirety of her legs, ankle to hip.

 _My fucking god he's so tense - chill the hell out dude - you're making way too big a deal outta this!_

She stopped and looked him in the eyes. " _Joel_. Relax. Everything's fine _._ "

She continued and in one swift motion slipped off her soiled underwear, tossing it aside with her dirty jeans. His throat clenched and he felt himself shudder, as every part of him wanted to spin around and bolt towards the other side of the counter. However, she looked at him and their eyes met, melting his feet into a puddle and binding him in her powerful gaze.

There she was, half-naked, adorable, _precious_ and vulnerable as could be; her skinny, pale and bare legs covered in goosebumps from the cold evening air.

She reached out her hand and waited for him to take it, waited for him to join her on the other side of this metaphorical gap she wanted to cross _together._ A small smile remained stretched across her lips, knowing that he did exactly as she asked. He stayed with her, he didn't leave her side.

She was right, the earth didn't stop spinning. The universe didn't explode and his guts didn't come spilling from his stomach onto the floor. Everything _was_ okay. It was just her, his little girl and _purpose_ sitting before him. He would never, ever in his entire life, look at her in _that_ way, the way he _thought_ she was worried he would.

But she never worried. She knew he would never hurt her, ever. Just like Sarah, she was _his_ daughter and he would have done everything she asked if it made her happy. As she said, it was just her, a human body and nothing more. The angst that previously gripped him faded away and the nervous sweat which collected under his shirt started to dry. He took a deep breath and smiled back at her, gently rubbing his thumb down her dimpled cheek.

 _See? I'm okay - you're okay - we're okay. It's just me._

He crossed the gap. He followed her to the other side. He didn't deny her another tender moment, he wouldn't _dare_.

"See? Everything's fine. It's just me - like you always say, it _ain't_ a big deal. Will you relax now?"

He let out a snicker and relaxed his posture, just as she asked.

"I... I - you're right. Everything's just fine," he responded with a widening smile as he affectionately pinched her nose after kissing her on the forehead.

She fidgeted and her smile widened as well, exposing the whites of her teeth as she let out a small giggle.

She put on her clean pair of pants and heaved a sigh of relief while their eyes maintained each other's focus. She scooted forward and wiggled her way into him, eagerly awaiting the feeling of his arms clasped around her back. He was warmer than usual and the base of his neck retained some of the nervous sweat that bubbled out of him mere minutes ago.

He let her nuzzle into him, but hesitated to entrap her in his arms. Not out of fear or wanting to push her away, no. More, he was so taken aback, so relieved to know she really was still alive and somehow managed to nestle even deeper into his heart. Something he thought a year ago would be _impossible._

 _What!? Why!? No! What happened!? What's he doing!? Why won't he hold -_

Within seconds he sensed the fear of rejection emanating off of her and it snapped him back to reality. He threw his arms around her and squeezed her tight. Pulling her against him and closed his eyes as he rested his nose against her scalp.

 _Oh! There it is. He would never push you away - ever. You know that._

"Thank you Ellie," he whispered into her hair.

"For - for what?" she softly responded with a small laugh.

"For bringin' me back to life."

She pressed herself harder against him and nuzzled into his shoulder upon hearing his words. She loved him, _all_ of him, for who he was. And he loved her, _every_ part of her. Their bond was strengthened like nothing else and only death itself could tear them apart.

"I couldn't live without you, Joel. _Literally,_ " she softly spoke, not afraid to admit it in the slightest.

Though morbid, he knew what was implied. She need not say more.

"Likewise sweetheart."

She lifted away from his chest, but felt him keep his arms gently wrapped around her back, encasing her in a protective nest between all four of his limbs.

"Gettin' hungry? Reckon you still need to eat."

She adjusted her pony tail and let out a sigh.

"Not really to be honest... I'm just - really, really fucking exhausted. I wanna sleep," she responded, finishing with an endearing pout and a frown.

"Aww, my poor little Ellie's tired. Well, alright then - you'll be alright though? You'll make it 'til mornin'?" he paternally said, curling a strand of her hair around his finger.

"Yeah, I will - I promise," she said with a nod.

"Alright, let's get you some rest. Sleep it is."

Ellie excitedly crawled into the sleeping bag and was immediately followed by Joel. He laid on his side, with she on hers and she wiggled as close to him as she could, each inch of separation too far. Her nose was mere centimeters from the base of his neck and her small, skinny arms curled up with her fingers resting by her mouth.

He wrapped one arm over her shoulder, pressing it against her back and slid the other underneath her, letting her use his bicep as a pillow. He wrapped it around her back from beneath her, intertwining his fingers and tightly clutched her small frame close to him.

He _refused_ to let go of her. He _wouldn't_ let go of her for the entire night. He came so close to losing her once again, so close to horrifically finding her lifeless body somewhere on the floor of that hotel and getting ripped to shreds by Infected. The thought sent a shiver creeping down his spine and only strengthened his desire to keep her close and constantly in his embrace throughout the night. She would have trouble peeling his arms off of her even if she asked.

But she _never_ would.

He lowered his lips, pressing them to the side of her face. He let them linger against her soft, small cheeks, and could feel the dimples form beneath his lips as she couldn't resist but give way to a smile. His loving, snuggling embrace coupled with his lengthy paternal kiss sent a massive ripple of joy through her. She tickled with warmth and happiness, feeling herself completely relax and give into his enveloping arms.

After so many years of being painfully _starved_ and _denied_ of any affection, love and care, she simply couldn't get enough. Her whole life, she hardly received even the scantest amounts of emotional connection and physical contact. No one had ever held her close, no one had ever hugged her and made her feel _important,_ like she really mattered.

No one had ever made her feel _loved._

Luckily, for her, he had no intent on ceasing his continual display of affection. No, not tonight. He nearly lost her forever and the thought only made him fiercely protect her like a lion guarding its cub. He constantly pecked her with kisses, feeling her wiggle and snuggle even closer into him as she let out adorable, little peeps after each one.

 _Eeek! My god! He's so... I just - I could stay here forever!_ _I could piss my pants and nearly die from Infected every day if it means he holds me like this - I wouldn't care! It's so warm and safe here - my own personal cocoon!_ _I can't even... I - I love how much he cares! Is this how every kid should feel? LOVED!? For the first time ever... I actually feel so fucking loved!_

He forced himself awake, waiting for her to peacefully fall asleep before dozing off. But before long, her exhaustion and the comfort of his embrace caused her to finally succumb to the weight of her eyelids. Despite the panic and horror they experienced earlier, there wasn't a single place either would rather be, everything else didn't matter. The pain, the sorrow and suffering from the combined, cumulative total of their pasts seemed _worth_ _it,_ knowing all of it it brought them to this very moment.

After feeling her light, warm breath against his neck take a patterned turn, he lowered his lips one last time and kissed her hair.

"My baby girl - I love you _so_ goddamn much. Good night sweet pea," he whispered.

However, she wasn't entirely asleep just yet, and her lips stretched into a massive smile once more before drifting away.


	8. A Tent, a Campfire and the Stars

**AN: Hey everyone - back from vacation. This might be my favorite chapter so far, wrote the entire first draft of it in one sitting. Enjoy.**

* * *

"Woah - look how flat it is - can see for miles in every direction!" Ellie said with childlike wonder and a gasp, lifting her head from Joel's neck while propped up on his back enjoying a piggy back ride.

They were on the interstate, in the middle of nowhere in Idaho, somewhere between Chubbuck and Twin Falls. It was surprisingly balmy for a late November day and the evening sun was making its descent far in front of them in the western horizon. The sunset gave the cloudless sky a pink and orange glow, causing Ellie to grin with joy at the sight. The mountainous and forest covered landscape was slowly evolving into the western planes the further they traveled, a sign that they were making progress towards California.

It'd been five days since their traumatizing experience in Idaho Falls, but recently they were gifted with an ounce of good fortune and since then, each day was rather uneventful. The only point of stress was finding food and a safe place to rest, for after Idaho Falls, the number of Infected dropped significantly as they left the once highly populated area. Though, of course, they didn't mind the lack of excitement, knowing that both of them nearly perished and only barely escaped the cold hand of death.

"Yep, reckon all this is quite uhh... different from everything else we've been seein' for so damn long," Joel said as he watched Ellie's small hands loosen around his neck then dangle over his shoulders and under his chin.

He readjusted his grip on the bottom of her thighs and gently pushed her back up.

"Thought you fell asleep on me back there," he continued with a snicker, turning his head to speak to her.

"Pssht - yeah... almost did. You're umm... comfy," she responded with a cheeky grin.

Joel knew she relished physical contact with him of any kind. After so many years of being painfully denied even just a morsel of affection, she was finally experiencing what it was like and she couldn't get enough it. He'd gotten accustomed to her squirmy, little self treating his much bigger frame as her nest, as if she _belonged_ in his arms, or on top of him in some way, or mounted on his back, like it was her home. Regardless, her desire to cling to him wasn't bothersome in the slightest, and he laughed to himself at the absurdity of the thought of ever trying to push her away. He enjoyed it too, even if her added weight, which was tiny at most, slightly slowed their pace along the interstate.

It was strange. He remembered the first days over a year ago when fate brought them together in Boston. He recalled his cold, dismissive resentment towards her and remembered she requited all of it in return. It was a game. A game of who could display more ambivalence towards the other, then who would be the first to _break_ and drop their emotional defenses. Like him, opening up and letting people into her heart was a near impossible task on its own. They'd both been hurt so severely, so consistently, that granting others their trust was the most precious gift they could give. And now that Ellie let him venture into the deepest, most guarded and warmest areas of her heart, her distant and dismissive behavior from over a year ago was the polar opposite of the emotion and desire for attachment she exuded now. Now that she let him in, all the way in, she refused to let him leave and clung to him like he was the most important thing in the world, like she _loved_ him, like he was her _purpose._

And he was.

She sighed happily with a smile then pressed her lips to his shoulder.

 _She loves the hell outta you - somehow. Even here in the middle of goddamn nowhere, after nearly gettin' ripped to pieces a few days ago, she's so happy. You can feel it pourin' outta her. This is your second chance, remember? Don't ever, ever fuck this up._

"Man look at - " Joel started, then stopped as he brought a fist to his mouth to let loose another painful cough.

 _Shit - you're gettin' sick an' you know it. Just tough it out - you'll be alright._

They sounded drier, more painful than before and were more convulsive. Ellie could feel the sharp vibrations through his torso while propped on his back after each one.

"Goddamn - anyway, that sunset. Pretty ain't it?" he asked, turning his head again.

Ellie lifted her lips from his shirt and rested her chin on his shoulder, leaning her head against the side of his.

"I'll say - I mean look at where we are. There's nothing - no one for miles. It's fucking barren and empty - just us," she said.

"Right about that. Reckon we're gonna be puttin' up the tent for the first time tonight."

Ellie leaned her head back, re-tightened her grasp around his neck and blew a raspberry.

"Uggghhh! I know, don't remind me."

"Ohhh hush you - it ain't that bad. We'll treat it like we're out campin'."

"Camping? What the fuck?" she inquisitively asked with an arched eyebrow, placing her chin back on his shoulder.

Though he couldn't see her face, he could picture her usual expression during moments of curiosity. He smiled from the mental image.

"Well... way back when - people used to pack up tents, sleepin' bags an' other crap an' drive way out - somewhere in the wilderness an' just uhh... ya know - sleep outside under the stars."

Ellie laughed.

"Seriously!? What the hell!? Why!?" she asked, continuing to snicker to herself.

"Uhh... shit I dunno - to get close with nature or somethin'? Did they need a reason?" he responded.

She could feel his shoulders twitch beneath her forearms as he shrugged.

"So let me get this straight... you people - back then, had awesome houses with heating, A.C, soft beds and blankets - and you fucking chose to sleep outside and freeze your ass off? God... what the - I don't... whatever - I still don't understand some of the shit you people did in your time," she said with another light laugh, utterly perplexed by this new concept called camping.

 _Never thought about it that way - guess she's got a point. Too funny kid._

"Tssht - you're cute," he said, reaching a hand back to gently pat her on the head.

Her lips gave way to a smile, letting the whites of her two front teeth glisten in the setting sunlight. Then, his chest convulsed once more as he roared another series of cringe worthy coughs. Ellie's short lived smile quickly waned and he could already sense the worry and concern emanating off of her.

 _You know she's picked up on it - she knows your ass is gettin' ill. Don't keep hidin', ain't gonna do any good... no, I gotta stay strong. For her._

"Joel..." Ellie started.

 _Shit. Here we go._

"Mmm?"

"I don't like hearing that."

"Hearin' what sweetheart?"

 _Why do you still even bother? The hell is wrong with you? You ain't learned yet there's no hidin' from her? You fuckin' stupid or somethin'? Damn girl's more perceptive than anyone you've ever known - even Tess. Drop the act already - 'sides, quit bein' a damn hypocrite will ya?_

She let out a sigh and he could practically feel the annoyed, frustrated roll of her eyes before she gave the side of his face a dagger like glare. Regardless, he gently pushed her back up once again, feeling her slide down ever so slightly with each step he took across the asphalt.

"You _know_ what, Joel. That stupid... fucking cough of yours. You've been doing it ever since we left Jackson."

Joel sighed.

"Yeah, yeah... I know - it's nothin' - I'll be alright," he said, trying to put her worry at ease.

"But you're getting sick and you know it!" Ellie stammered as she clicked her heels together in front of his stomach.

 _Just stop will you? She's gonna rope it outta you anyway - the hell's the point?_

"No, no, no - I ain't gettin' sick. I'm fine, I promise - it's just... allergies or some crap."

"Auuuuggghhh! Oh my god! Joel!" Ellie groaned.

"You fucking told me to tell you when I'm not feeling good - so you have to as well - so we can look out for each other and... stuff... alright?" she continued.

"I know - an' I'll speak up when I start feelin' off."

 _Liar. How'd that work out for you last time?_

" _Joel..."_ Ellie said sternly, swatting his lie away like it was merely a fly buzzing by her head being a nuisance.

" _Ellie..."_ he replied with a smirk, mocking her tone.

She let out a guffaw.

"You ass! I'll bite you if you don't admit it right now! I'll do it! I swear I will!" she said, half playful, half dead-serious.

 _Give it up - it's over you old man._

"Alright, alright, alright! Christ," he said, unable restrain the underlying laugh behind his words.

Her persistence and playful tone was always endearing, even if it irritated and annoyed him to no end on occasion.

"Haha! Yes! Fuck you world! I win again!" she exclaimed with pride, flipping off the barren and flat, desert-like wasteland that stretched before them.

"Goddamn - you are a persistent little bugger aren't ya?" he said.

"You just now figured that out? Wow... here I thought you knew me, Joel. Now go on, spit it out dude! Tell me what's going on," she responded.

"Yeah... well, ever since we left Jackson - been gettin' this cough. Damn thing won't quit - can't seem to shake it. I dunno... feels like it's gettin' worse. Reckon it's just a cold though, hopefully nothin' more."

She smiled, knowing she wore his defenses down yet again. Each time she needed to do so, it was becoming increasingly easier, a sign that she really was nestling even further into his heart. But, she also ached and felt for him each time he unleashed a flurry of scratchy coughs. Her protector and _purpose_ needed to be healthy, otherwise the next few days, or even weeks of their journey could become treacherous. In contrast to before the outbreak, something so menial as even the common cold could spell doom in a world that brutally, and usually fatally, punished the weak.

"Oh... well - okay. If it gets worse you tell me. Just keep drinking lots of water I guess and... is there anything I can do?" Ellie asked, eager to help and feel useful in any way she could.

He'd done so much for her and her eager desire to provide for him on an equal level was loving and endearing all at the same time. Though, even though he only expressed his gratitude in glimpses here and there, she'd done far more for him than she ever imagined. She saved his life, in many, many more ways than one.

"Just keep me company an' alive sweet pea," he replied with another smile.

 _See? Was that so hard?_

She grinned again.

"On it!"

Joel snorted. "Alright mom."

"Pssht! What the hell ever big guy! Someone's gotta take care of your ass if you won't fucking do it!" she responded with a boisterous laugh.

He loved hearing that laugh. It was like music to his ears. Hearing her little, lighthearted giggles always lifted his mood, no matter what. She tightened the affectionate grasp around his neck and re-planted her chin on his shoulder.

"Besides... it's only 'cause... ya know - I sorta like you," she continued.

"Tssht - you love me an' you know it."

"Fine, but... only a little."

"Mmhmm."

She pressed her lips to the side of his head, into his hair and gave him a light kiss.

Minutes of silence went by as Joel continued to stroll down the empty, infinite interstate through Idaho with Ellie on his back. He could feel her fidgeting and constantly adjusting her hands, legs and posture, a sign that she was getting antsy. Then, she began to hum and make her usual guitar noises while playing some sort of catchy tune in her head, hoping her lips could somehow match the quality of the music running through her mind. Though, they never did.

 _Is that damn thing even a song? Whatever - I don't care, it's funny as hell._

Joel snickered to himself, hearing her amusing, little guitar noises right behind his ear. His laugh caused her to stop.

"Something funny down there?" she asked with a playful leer.

"Yeah - you. You're always doin' that - is that supposed to be some song I know? Or you just makin' crap up?"

Her leer faded and she gave way to a small smile as she laughed as well.

"I dunno - it could be something you know - doubt it though. It just comes to me - in my head randomly. I could be a pro-guitarist, right Joel? I'd kick ass at it."

"Bet you would."

"Hey!" Ellie said with excitement as her head perked up.

Joel flinched from the loud shrill so close to his ear.

"Jesus kiddo - "

Ellie burst out laughing.

"Sorry! Sorry! That was kinda awesome though... anyway - we could start a band! You could sing and I could play the guitar, we could totally do that, right?"

"Hmmm..." Joel responded, rubbing his chin.

"Reckon my lead guitarist has to be at least over a hundred pounds - sorry there missy."

Ellie let out another guffaw.

"What the hell ever! Fine - I'll start my own band then. And we'll be way better than yours - sucker. You'll wish you had me... umm... what's a cool word for playing the guitar?" she asked, leaning her head over his shoulder.

Joel laughed.

"Uhh... how 'bout... shreddin' - that'll do."

"Shredding? What? Okay I won't ask - whatever, shredding it is. Anyway - you'll wish you had me shredding those notes man - screw you."

Joel reached a hand up and affectionately rubbed her wrist.

"Little Ellie the shredder huh? Alright - I can see it. So, what's our band name?"

Ellie's head perked up again, her pony tail bouncing from the motion.

"Ummm... lets see."

Joel could hear her whispering and mumbling to herself as she thought, as if she'd been thinking about this for months and had a plethora of names to choose from.

"Going Nowhere Fast," she finally said.

"Goin' Nowhere Fast," Joel slowly repeated.

"Do you like it?" she asked with a grin.

"Seems to fit considern' what's in front of us out here - nothin'. Reckon we ain't goin' fast though - my ass is gettin' tired, not gonna lie."

"Yeah, I'm getting hungry too. Besides, you gonna show me this camping business or what?"

* * *

The sun had set and the only light that shined across the flat, sprawling landscape was the vibrant, glowing, full moon above. The temperature dropped significantly, but it was still oddly warm for this time of year, not that either of them minded. They veered off the interstate, hoping to set up camp far enough away from the highway so they wouldn't be spotted by any unwanted travelers. Ellie just finished eating and sat cross-legged by the fire they prepared together, waiting for Joel to join her once he completed putting together the tent.

 _Dammit - why's this shit always so difficult? Who knew pitchin' a tent required a fuckin' physics degree._

Ellie heard him grunt and angrily smash together two metal rods that made up part of the frame.

"Uhh... you alright over there? Need some help?"

"Nah - s'alright, think I got it... damn thing sure is a pain in the ass though."

"Wasn't the other one we had that way too? On the way to Salt Lake? I remember it took the two of us like... two fucking hours to put it together the first time I think," Ellie said with a snicker.

"Sure was - sometimes I - " Joel chuckled to himself. "I think whatever prick put this crap together intentionally left out a few pieces just to be a horse's ass," he said, continuing his chuckles.

His sarcastic statement pulled a laugh out of Ellie.

"Haha! Yeah... that guy's a dick."

 _Love hearin' that laugh - means she's happy._

"You almost done?" she asked with impatience.

Joel snapped in the last rod then rested both hands on his hips.

"Am now... finally."

Ellie propped her chin up on her palm, curling her fingers which were half covered by the sleeve of her thermal towards her lips and gazed at the stars.

"Man. Look at all of 'em."

Joel strutted over and plopped himself down on the opposite side of the fire.

"Yep... there's tons - billions of 'em - reckon even more than that."

"So fucking cool," she softly said under her breath, studying the night sky with awe.

A short silence fell between them, the only sounds being the crickets and crackling of the campfire. The orange glow from the flames reflected off of Ellie's fair complexion and somehow, it looked as if her smile was bigger than Joel had ever seen. He happily watched her examine the stars above with glee, reminding himself of just how fortunate he was and how _precious_ and _lovable_ this little girl, who at first he coldly dismissed, had become.

 _Goddamn you're lucky. Look at her, look how adorable she is... Christ - don't you ever let her get away from you again._

Her light voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

"How far does it go?"

"What? Outer space?"

"Yeah - I mean... it has to end somewhere, right?" she asked, finally letting her gaze fall from the sky and back to him.

His deep, brown eyes glistened in the moonlight and she could see the reflection of the flames in his pupils, catching him adoring her. He fidgeted awkwardly, sensing he was caught, then let out another painful cough.

"Eh... well - reckon no one knows to be honest."

"Really?"

"Well, yeah... I mean - hell, back in my time when science, technology an' all that crap was at a full go we'd just barely ventured outta the solar system. Universe goes for miles, light-years... forever."

"Wait - a light what? A light-year? What the fuck's a light year?"

Joel snickered.

"Well... I ain't a damn physicist an' what not but... think it's the amount of distance that light itself travels in the span of a year."

"Wow! That's like - " she exclaimed with a gasp. She paused then tilted her head and tried to count on her fingers, as if that was some sort of scientifically accurate way to come up with an answer. "Holy shit - I don't even know how far!" she exclaimed in wonderment again.

"Yeah kiddo... I told ya - space is huge. Reckon we're just a tiny speck of dust floatin' in it."

Ellie's smile slightly waned and she heaved a sigh.

"Makes you feel pretty small... insignificant - doesn't it?" she asked.

 _Amazes me every time how much older she seems.._

"That's uhh... that's deep. My little Ellie a philosopher now?" Joel quipped with a smirk.

"Hey, fuck you! I'm having a moment here - c'mon!" she responded playfully.

"I know, I know... I'm just teasin'... but uhh - yeah, sure as hell does."

"Do you think there's other people out there? Like us?"

Joel shrugged in his sitting posture.

"Maybe, who knows. I'll tell ya one thing though."

"What's that?"

"Reckon it'd be an awful waste of space if there weren't."

Ellie's smile returned, but after finally realizing he chose to sit away from her, on the other side of the fire, she leered at him.

"Oh what the hell's this? Trying to keep away from me now?"

 _Goddammit I knew she'd notice eventually - I really don't want her gettin' sick._

Joel reached a hand up and scratched the back of his head.

"I don't wanna get you sick too - that's all."

"Pssht - whatever, I don't care - besides, you'll - " she paused and felt her eyes just barely water at the thought of him trying to distance himself.

"I'll what?"

"Ugh, never mind. But I'm umm... cold... and starting to shiver - you remember what Anne said, I need to stay warm, right?"

 _You ain't shiverin' at all - but hell, I can't say no to you._

"Alright, alright - here I come," he said with an exhale as he rose to his feet.

Her pony tail swayed from the perk of her head.

"You get sick though - can't say I didn't warn ya."

"Don't care! Now gimme," she said, eagerly awaiting his arrival with outstretched arms.

 _Hah - adorable little thing._

"It's polite to say please ya know," he said as he lowered himself down, resting his back against a large rock that sat mere feet from the fire and adjacent to Ellie.

He reached an arm around and began gently massaging her waist.

"Oh yeah? Well look at all the fucks I give!" she retorted with a cheeky grin, raising her hands up.

Joel sighed.

"Whatever am I gonna do with you."

She immediately crawled over and nestled in between his legs, leaning her back against his torso. After resting her head against his chest, she felt his arms wrap around her as he kissed her hair, his lips audibly expressing the action. The entirety of her small frame quivered from the tickle of warmth that shot up her spine. She sighed happily upon feeling the affection and being enveloped in his tender, protecting embrace then dropped her hands to his sleeve.

"Warmin' up baby?" he softly asked into her ear, though he knew she wasn't cold to begin with.

He just wanted to give her the satisfaction of thinking she fooled him. He didn't care in the slightest.

"Mmhm," she said with a smile and a nod, her pony tail tickling his cheek.

 _Admit it - you love havin' her in your arms as much as she does. There ain't a damn place she's safer an' you know that._

"Good."

She wiggled even closer, pressing harder against him and slid the top of her head under his chin then gazed back up at the stars.

"But doesn't it though? Like _really?_ " she asked.

"What now?"

"Space - it makes you feel so... so fucking insignificant, doesn't it?"

 _Didn't know my little girl was such a thinker... guess I shouldn't be surprised though._

"I mean... yeah, it sure does. We only got a short... eighty-some-odd years on this planet - in this whole damn universe - an' that's it. There's probably people - or somethin' - miles an' miles away, in a whole different galaxy that don't know or give a shit that you an' I even exist."

Ellie felt her eyes beginning to water upon realizing how happy she was to be out here under the stars, in his arms, just the two of them and not dead, lying in a pile of discarded bodies after being cut open by the Fireflies.

"It... it makes... all of it - all of this - everything seem so - " she said, beginning to choke up and letting out a sniffle.

 _You know where she's goin' with this - make her feel okay about it, c'mon._

Joel squeezed her tighter and leaned down to kiss her on the cheek.

"So fucking trivial and... pointless."

"Yes ma'am - it does."

"I mean - we're all gonna die someday anyway, right? And no one outside of this fucking planet even cares about this stupid virus or whatever."

"That's right - life's short. Don't have a whole lotta time in the gran' scheme of things. You just gotta find what gets you up in the mornin' - what keeps you goin' - your damn _purpose_ an' make the _best_ of the cards you're dealt an' enjoy the time you got in this world."

Suddenly, the events of Salt Lake City shot to the front of their minds. This pensive moment, with Joel, her new found _purpose,_ only reinforced Ellie's realization from months ago back in Jackson, that had she been in his position, she would have done exactly the same thing.

A tear ran down her cheek. A tear filled with intense joy, but also extreme guilt. Was she actually _glad_ he saved her? Before, she simply accepted it as happenstance. That he made his own decision and she was simply stuck with the consequences of picking up the pieces and dealing with it.

But in this moment, that was no more. She _loved_ him for saving her, even if it meant Tess, Sam, Henry and lastly, Riley, died in vain.

But they didn't, not Riley.

Ellie fought for every second she got to spend with what mattered most, with what she _loved,_ Joel. The man became a selflessly devoted guardian, and eventually a loving father. Somehow, part of her felt Riley was looking down on them smiling, knowing that she was cherishing every second she got to spend with her _purpose._ Joel was the reason she got up in the morning. He was what kept her going. He was what kept her _fighting._

She tilted her head back, straining her neck as she ached to meet his eyes with hers. They just barely met, hers glistening with tears.

 _Oh honey._

"Joel - " she started, then tried to gulp away the lump in her throat.

He smiled, looking down at her and reached up to wipe a tear from her cheek.

"I'm here baby girl," he whispered.

"I'm... I'm _really_ glad you did it - that you saved me. I mean... I was _so fucking_ pissed at you at first - but... but after finally connecting - " she paused again and felt her lips tremble.

"Shh, it's okay - take your time," he softly cooed into her hair.

She let out a deep breath and tried to collect herself.

"I've never had... ya know - someone truly care for me, hold me and, and... _love_ me. But then... you came along."

She tried to arch her neck back even further, straining to look deeper into his eyes.

 _Lemme help ya girl._

He gently lifted her by the armpits and spun her around so she faced him, supporting her back with a hand.

"Better?" he quietly asked, brushing a bang that dangled over her forehead aside.

She let out a teary eyed giggle.

"Uh-huh," she peeped with a smile.

"You were sayin'?"

She wiped her eyes.

"Right - I just... I've _finally_ formed a lasting, _real_ connection with someone who didn't... leave and abandon me or... fucking die, you know? And that... that connection, that feeling I get when I'm around you - that's worth fighting for. That's worth _living_ for - no matter what."

She affectionately curled her little fingers, twisting his sleeves in the process.

 _Holy - goddamn... she's gonna make you break down an' cry._

Once again, she melted him in place and _crushed_ him like no other. He couldn't move. He couldn't blink. He couldn't breathe, feeling far too caught up in this extraordinarily deep, tender moment with his little girl under the stars and around a campfire in the flat, barren, empty Idaho landscape. Her mental capability to think so philosophically, so _abstract,_ left him speechless. Yet, it didn't entirely surprise him either. He figured out long ago, after she saved his life for the first time, that she was wise and mature beyond her years.

He cleared his throat, struggling to keep his eyes dry.

"Joel I... I don't have a clue what growing up entailed in your time - but I... I can't fucking believe it consisted of going to bed starving, being passed around like a useless object that no one cared about, never being hugged - or held, not once - and never... never feeling an ounce of love, _ever._ "

"Oh sweetie," he soothed under his breath, gently running a thumb down her cheek.

 _How in the hell could nobody love you? No one even hugged you? Christ - no child should... that's so goddamn fuckin' cruel - you're the sweetest little thing on the planet - you deserve all the love an' care in the damn world._

"Hate to say it but - unfortunately, that still happened in my time - just less frequently I guess. World's been shit for years - like I said, you just gotta cling to what's _precious_ to you - what matters most an' never, ever, let it go. _That_ at least hasn't changed a damn bit," he continued.

Her smile finally returned.

 _There's my girl._

She slightly tilted her head, her pony tail lightly bouncing from the motion and an endearing look of childlike yearning and hope washed over her face.

"And... me - us... is... is that prec - "

"Shh," he interrupted, gently pressing a finger to her lips.

"Ellie - baby, there ain't _anything_ in the world more precious than the bond between parent an' child. _Nothin'._ What we got - you an' me - as you said, a _real_ connection, is so goddamn rare now that it sure as _hell_ is worth fightin' for. Reckon it's the last, purest thing left in this world."

She let out an airy laugh and dove into his chest, nuzzling her nose into his neck.

"Thank you... _oh god_ thank you for doing _it_. I... I love you - way fucking more than just a little," she softly said through her happy crying.

"I know honey - me too - but don't thank me. Reckon I was 'bout as selfish as could be, I'm just the luckiest old man alive knowin' you had a change of heart. 'Sides, I told you, I wasn't leavin' there without ya - an' I _meant_ it."

She lifted away from him and met his intense stare, knowing exactly what he implied. If she succumbed to the scalpels and saws of the doctors in Salt Lake, he would have swallowed a bullet right then and there without hesitation.

"You're my _purpose_ sweetheart. You're my entire damn reason for livin'."

She smiled again and let out another teary eyed peep.

"You... you too," she responded.

 _Fuck me. That did it. She's got me cryin' now - you mushy old man._

A tear from each eye ran down his cheek and onto his beard. But, Ellie also witnessed the biggest grin she'd ever seen from him and it sent a ripple of joy through her heart, knowing how _happy_ she just made him in that moment. A curious look ran across her face after wiping her eyes again and she darted her gaze towards her backpack.

"Hey - I wanna show you something," she said, quickly scrambling for her pack.

"Alright then."

Ellie pulled out a tattered, stained and crumpled piece of paper. It looked ancient and had little drops of what appeared to be blood and appeared as if it had been on the wrong end of too many spilled beverages. She scooted back over to Joel and sat cross-legged in between his outstretched legs, a foot from his torso.

"The hell is that?"

"It's a note - a note from my Mom - she wrote it just before she died and I've kept it with me forever."

His eyes widened and he cleared his throat.

"Ah, I see," he said, completely unsure of what response was appropriate for this moment.

"So... I've never showed this to anyone - ever - but... I _want_ to read it to you, can I?" she diffidently asked, nervously fiddling with the edges of the tattered paper.

"'Course - please, go right ahead. I'm all ears."

Ellie cleared her throat and began reading the note.

"Ellie, I'm going to share a secret with you, I'm not a big fan of kids and I _hate_ babies. And yet... I'm staring at you and I'm just awestruck. You're not even a day old and holding you is the most incredible thing I've done in my life - a life that is about to get cut a little short," she read aloud.

Joel accidentally butted in, thinking he was only speaking in his own head.

"Bet she was awestruck - sweetest little girl has me awestruck right now - an' holdin' her is the most incredible damn thing I've done in over twenty years."

His quiet mumbling wasn't quiet enough. She heard him. She twitched and darted her eyes up to meet his, seeing the embarrassed expression across his face once he realized he spoke aloud. He knew she heard him, but at the same time, he realized he didn't care, not in the slightest. He smiled and cupped her cheek with his palm.

"Reckon it's the truth baby girl."

A massive grin stretched across her lips and another tickle of love and warmth shot through her. Joel then nodded his head, imploring her to continue. She dropped hers and pressed on reading the note, still feeling butterflies in her stomach from the slip of his tongue.

"Marlene will look after you. There's no one in this world I trust more than her," Ellie paused then snorted with a short laugh.

"Yeah, that worked out well didn't it?"

Joel snickered as well.

"Tssht - yep."

"Anyway... Don't give her too much of a hard time. Try not to be as stubborn as me," Ellie continued.

"Ahhhh I see - it runs in the family don't it?" Joel said playfully with a wink.

"Pssht - yeah, yeah... easy there big guy."

Ellie took a deep breath and pushed aside a pair of pesky bangs.

"I'm not going to lie, this is a pretty messed up world. It won't be easy. The thing you always have to remember is that - " Ellie paused and flipped over the note to read the other side.

"life is worth living! Find your _purpose_ and fight for it." She stressed that word, _purpose,_ and paused as she felt another lump form in her throat.

Reading that sentence, now in the context of Joel and everything they'd been through, caused every nerve in her body to melt and made her weak in the knees. It seemed so prophetic, so prescient, so _perfect,_ and it only enhanced the feeling within her that this man who'd become her father and best friend, had also become her _purpose._ He was the reason to keep fighting, like she was for him. She was the reason he fought the Fireflies tooth and nail to save her. He fought to keep his daughter, his little Ellie, his little girl and _purpose_ alive. And on more than one occasion she fought to keep her father, her devoted guardian, her protector and _purpose_ alive as well. And now, the smallest, tiniest remaining amount of animosity and resentment she held onto, purely to help cope with her survivors guilt, shattered to pieces and fell into oblivion, disappearing altogether. He was her reason for living. She was his reason for living. _They_ were _each other's_ reason for living. They were, without a doubt, _their purpose._ And just as Anna's words prophetically stated, their lives were worth living, _together._ _T_ _heir purpose_ was worth fighting for.

 _Holy hell - I... fuck - I... I love you so damn much sweetheart I... I'm gonna fuckin' fall to pieces here._

Joel couldn't restrain the tears that were quickly flooding the base of his eyes and the two of them simply stared at each other, both bursting at the seams with love.

"Sorry kiddo I'm - " he said, pausing to wipe his eyes.

Ellie let out a light, tear filled laugh.

"It's... it's okay - it's just us and I... I can't help it either," she said, soothing his self-consciousness.

Joel laughed as well and sniffled.

"Go on - keep goin'."

"Yeah... almost done, anyway - I see so much strength in you. I know you'll turn out to be the woman you're meant to be. Forever, your loving mother, Anna. Make me proud, Ellie!"

Ellie dropped her hands and gazed back at Joel with tears streaming down her cheeks. His dark, brown eyes profusely watered and she could see the wetness of his beard glisten in the moonlight. He stretched out his arms and spoke with a quavering voice.

"Christ, Ellie - c'mere baby girl - c'mere sweetie. I... I gotta get my arms around you or I... I swear I'm gonna die - c'mere," he said through his trembling lips.

She let out a short sob of joy and immediately dove into him, pressing her lips to his beard and giving him a kiss. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his cheek against the top of her head. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, relishing feeling her so close.

They simultaneously began lightly laughing in relief, understanding the gravity and meaning of this monumental tender moment between them.

He kissed her hair then finally spoke as he tilted his head and gazed up at the sky.

"Thank you Anna - wish I could do more, but that's all I got. Thank you so goddamn much."

Ellie lifted her head and looked up at him.

"For what?"

He glanced back down and smiled as he brushed a lock of hair behind her ear.

"For bringin' you into this world - eventually bringin' you to me - givin' me my life back - givin' me a reason to keep on livin'. Reckon she's a saint."

Ellie sniffled and nodded.

"Yeah - yeah she is."

Joel looked up towards the sky once more.

"I'll take good care of her - always, I promise. I'll love her more than anything in the whole damn world. I'll hold her when she's scared - hell, whenever she wants. I'll keep her safe, keep her warm - _always._ You have my word."

Ellie smiled and peeped an adorable, unrestrained squeak of joy in response to his words then nuzzled her nose into his beard.

 _Christ... that little sound - kills me, I love it._

"Ohhhh my little munchkin you - could just gobble you up," he adoringly, playfully growled through clenched teeth as he rapidly pecked her cheek with quick, light kisses.

Ellie sighed happily and nestled her face into his shirt while wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Dammit girl... look at me - got me all mushy and blubberin' like a damn fool," he said with a laugh.

She shrugged in his arms and smiled. "I do what I can."

He brought a hand up and started gently stroking her cheek, then leaned his head back and took a deep breath.

"Is that... that true though?" he asked.

"Is what true?"

He cleared his throat once more, feeling more and more congested from his oncoming sickness as the hours went by.

"That uhh... no one ever held you? Or even hugged you growin' up?"

She simply looked up at him and nodded.

He sighed and gently rubbed her chin with his fingers.

"Oh my little baby girl... that ain't right, no kid should ever... Christ. I'm so sorry sweetie I wish I... dammit. Reckon I need to make up for lost time then don't I?"

"Mmhmm," she said with a small smile and a nod, her eyes staring up at him with an innocent sparkle like the stars above.

He caressed the back of her head and pulled her closer as he kissed her hair.

"I will - promise."

"For the record - she was right. Reckon there's a lotta strength in my little girl - don't know anyone stronger."

Ellie smiled and he could _feel_ the happiness and love flying out of every pore on her skin, like she couldn't keep it bottled up any longer. Not that she wanted to.

"You use that switchblade she gave ya back at the hotel?"

"Hell yeah I did - thing's fucking awesome. I killed two Infected with it - you'd be proud."

"That's my girl," he happily said, patting her on the head before resuming stroking her hair.

A pleasant silence fell between them and they simply enjoyed feeling the other close. Joel began slowly rocking and forth as he held her and softly sang as they sat under the moonlight and stars around the campfire. Despite the horrors that tainted the world and crumbled remains of civilization that brought out the worst of the worst in people, there wasn't a single place they'd rather be, even from any lifetime, era, planet, solar system, galaxy or _universe._

"Joel... " Ellie spoke up.

"Yep?"

"You know what I just realized?"

"What's that sweetheart?"

"I still don't know your last name and I don't think you even know mine."

 _Hah - she's right. I don't and she don't - weird. Guess it's just never come up - not like it matters._

"Tssht - actually, you're right. I've never bothered to ask."

"Well, what is it? C'mon, tell me!" Ellie stammered with a smile as she looked up at him, feeling his palm come to a rest on the side of her head.

"I'll give you three guesses then I'll tell ya."

"Hmm... okay... umm - how about... stubborn ass?"

Joel laughed.

"Really? That's what you came up with? God... go fish girl."

"What? Go fish?"

"Just... never mind - I'll explain some other time - keep goin'."

Ellie snickered and rose a finger to her chin as she pondered her next guess.

"Ummm... okay, seriously this time - Roberts?"

"Roberts huh?"

"Well - yeah. I mean - you look like you could be a Roberts! But... that isn't it, is it?"

"Nope - try again."

"Uggh - there's like a zillion fucking possibilities - not fair."

"Oh hush - c'mon, one more."

"Alright fine... umm... Michaels?" she asked inquisitively, arching her eyebrows with abundant curiosity.

"Mmm - ya got the first letter right - but no."

"Bluah - fine. I give up - spit it out."

"Miller - last name's Miller. Joel Miller."

Ellie smiled upon hearing his full name for the first time since they met and slowly nodded her head, as if she was giving him some sort of unwarranted approval.

"Joel Miller - Joel Miller - Joel... Miller... huh - I can see it. I like it!" she said with a joyous grin.

"Tssht - well shit - thank ya ma'am, glad you approve," he said mockingly.

Ellie lightly jabbed him in the chest with her small fist.

"Shush - you _want_ my approval and you know it."

 _Right about that._

"Okay - you're turn. Guess mine."

Joel reached up and scratched his beard as he gazed into her eyes, thinking he could somehow magically pull the name out of her. She simply smiled and impishly batted her eyes back at him.

"Hmmm... Stratford?" he asked.

Ellie laughed.

"Like the fucking town in Connecticut!? Pssht - no! Try again!"

"Alright, alright let's see... what makes sense with Ellie - hmm... The Brat?"

"Oh hah hah - you got me funny guy... hell no! I would'a changed my fucking name anyways because ya know... it would just be a lie - it wouldn't make sense," Ellie responded, lightly jabbing him in the chest again.

"Uh-huh, sure... aright fine - last one - here we go - gimme a sec."

"Take all the time you need dude."

Joel sifted through name after name, dismissing each one until he stumbled upon one that for some strange reason, unknown to him, just made sense.

"Okay - I got it. You ready?"

"Yep! Lay it on me."

"Williams."

Ellie twitched in his arms and her head perked up, her pony tail swiftly swaying to and fro. Her eyes widened and she looked at him in shock and awe, mouth agape.

"What the fuck!? How the - no! You cheated somehow! How did you know!?"

Joel let out a boisterous laugh.

"Bahahaha! I win. Ellie Williams huh? I like it - cute name."

"How'd you know!? You asked Marlene... or - something... I know you did... cheater."

"Hey, hey now! Reckon I won fair an' square - no cheatin' bussiness goin' on over here, I swear. Remember what I said last week? I know everything about my little Ellie - just one of my gifts," he said with a grin as he pinched her nose.

She scrunched her face and gently wiggled her head in reaction to his touch.

 _Phew - man, that was one really, really damn lucky guess._

"Yeah, yeah... whatever. But yes... Williams. Ellie Williams," she said with a smile.

After hearing her full name for the first time, Joel too smiled and repeated it out loud.

"Ellie Williams. My little Ellie Williams. I like it."

"You better," she responded with a wink.

Another moment of silence fell between them while Ellie occupied her fingers by messing with his sleeve. She seemed fascinated by his shirt, the color, the pattern, the material and smiled as she scrunched the fabric between her fingers.

"C'mere you," he playfully growled once again, no longer able to resist the temptation to pull her back into his arms and did so.

She turned around and rested the side of her forehead against his chin, feeling his arms completely envelop her as he wrapped them around her waist. They both sighed happily and gazed back up at the night sky. Suddenly, a shooting star darted across the black, velvety atmosphere high above them.

"Woah Nelly! Did you see that!?" Ellie said excitedly as she pointed upwards.

 _Well would ya look at that._

"Sure did - quick, go on - make a wish."

"What?"

"When you see a shootin' star - you gotta make a wish - but you can't tell me - can't say what it is - go on, close your eyes an' make a wish."

"Really? Umm okay... sounds stupid, but whatever - here we go."

Joel gave her one, last, long kiss to the hair before they closed their eyes.

They each took a deep breath as they made their wish. And somehow, as if they'd developed a silent form of communication that could be used to express _anything_ , they _knew_ their wishes were in line with the other. And that was to safely make it to California then happily live out the rest of their lives together, loving _their purpose_ every step of the way.


	9. The Hook

**AN:** **Okay, I spent an excessive amount of time on this one and after countless edits and re-edits, it's ready. I hope y'all enjoy it... in some way. It gets _very_ intense, in more ways than one and I'm curious to read people's thoughts/feedback. So thank you in advance to everyone who's still reading my story (not sure how many readers are still reading and how many I've lost traction with at this point...) and as always extra thanks to those who review. You're all awesome. However, I will say this though:**

 **This chapter is extremely disturbing, dark and messed up. _You've been warned_.**

 **Also, to the reviewer who asked about Ellie's scar... it's ironic you mentioned that because I was just thinking about it the other day. I want to do something where it will be explained, but I have to at least keep my explanation in the already established context and canon from Druckmann, even if he only briefly touched on it. Since, at the end of the day, he is the creative mastermind behind all of this. I will definitely do something for it though in time.**

* * *

It is dark and cold, so, very, dark and cold.

Joel's eyelids snap open and he gasps for air as his chest expands in one, sudden, violent motion. His lungs stretch behind his rib cage, enlarging beyond a size they're meant to. It feels as if they're on the verge of popping, like a bone from his sternum could puncture them at any moment.

The air around him is frigid, ice-cold and he can feel his bones cracking and turning into brittle toothpicks from the freezing sensation that surrounds him. Each breath is painful and stings the back of his throat, nearly freezing his lungs with every fervent inhale.

They hurt. They hurt _so_ bad.

They burn with sharp pangs of agony after each breath and he nearly weeps knowing how cruelly taunted he is. He needs the air to live. He needs the air to feed the blood in his brain. He needs his brain to rewire itself and function like the well-oiled, killing, survival machine it is. But each breath just hurts so, terribly, unbearably bad. He _wants_ to stop breathing. But he can't.

He won't.

He needs the air. He's suffocating. No matter how many deep breaths he takes, he can't seem to catch up. No amount of air feels like it's enough to quench the thirst for oxygen his body craves. Panic engulfs his every nerve. The added adrenaline in his bloodstream only intensifies his breathing even more and the back of his throat is stabbed repeatedly by thousands of needles at once as he desperately sucks in the piercing, cold air. It stings _so_ badly.

He's dying. He can't stop it. The end is near. His life flashes before his eyes. His thoughts finally settle and center around one thing like a swirling vortex.

Ellie.

The image of his little girl forces him to ignore all feelings of pain, agony and fear. The end _can't_ be near. He can't die. He can't go away like this. He's not sure what dying feels like, but he _knows_ it's this. He _knows_ he's dying. But he can't. She _needs_ him.

He won't. He needs to survive for _her._

He takes one, last, massive, deep breath as his pupils expand to the size of a supermassive black hole. The panic in his veins immediately skitters away and for now he is calm. His painful and rapid breathing takes a tranquil turn and he can finally hear the beat of his heart again. It's faint. It's slow. But, it's there.

He's alive.

Suddenly, the crushing and encompassing pitch blackness that surrounds him is split open by a ray of light. It illuminates a small, auburn haired girl who lies on a table before him, no more than fifteen feet away. Her eyes are closed and with teary eyed relief he watches the bangs of her hair which dangle down her face lightly bounce from each of her soft and gentle breaths that escape her lips.

She's alive.

 _Oh thank Christ - she's here. She's alive. She's okay, she's okay... wait - it's fuckin' freezin' in here. How's she sleepin' without a blanket? Somethin's wrong. This ain't right - what the hell!? Shit, this ain't right! Oh no - no, no, no - she's gonna freeze to death - she's shiverin' -_ _I can see the color drainin' from her lips - Ellie - my baby! She's gotta stay warm - she needs me!_

The panic that scampered away minutes ago returns again, this time in a more terrifying rush. The hair on his neck, arms and legs stands straight up in attention. She's in danger. He _feels_ it. He _knows_ it.

He _must_ reach her.

His brain immediately fires electrical signals to twitch the muscles in his legs and rise to his feet.

Nothing happens.

He can't move. He's trapped. He's stuck. He frantically looks down in angst, hoping to plan his next move to escape his bindings. His eyes widen and they burn with fear. A fire lights in the pit of his stomach and the flames boil the underbelly of his heart, causing his blood to pump even faster.

There is nothing, nothing but the weight of _everything_ keeping him locked in place.

He's _bound_ to a chair by an invisible force. His panic level increases and his heart furiously pounds away behind the prison of his rib cage, knowing that each second he's stuck is a second that goes by without Ellie in his arms. He presses his eyes shut and grits his teeth before letting out a blood-curdling yell, pouring all of his strength and will to force himself to move.

 _Useless_. _Nothing._ He isn't _strong_ enough. He isn't _good_ enough.

He can't move. His arms, legs, hands and feet remain stuck in stone, as if they're encased in hardened concrete.

 _Shit - shit - shit - what the hell is this!? What the fuck!? Goddammit! She needs me - she needs me!_

He glances back up at Ellie and tries to lunge his entire body forward. He's _desperate._ And in an effort of futility, he attempts to hobble over with the chair still attached to him.

It is no use.

Hopelessness and despair consumes him as he realizes he is utterly powerless. There is nothing he can do. He can't reach her. He opens his lips and screams her name.

"Ellie!"

Nothing happens. She doesn't move. She doesn't even twitch. The adorable sight of her reddish-brown bangs dancing after each of her peaceful breaths only drives the knife deeper into him, twisting his insides into a gory mush. The sight is _too_ peaceful, _too_ adorable and he senses that something is wrong. Something _will_ go wrong. He _knows_ it. But he can't stop it.

He's _powerless_.

He screams again, this time with more panic and desperation.

"Ellie! Ellie! C'mon baby! Wake up! Ellie!"

Nothing.

The worst thought imaginable nearly annihilates his will to live. Is she already dead? Now he's not sure. She's breathing, but is she really?

 _Oh fuck - fuck - fuck! No - no - no! Shit! Ellie - sweetie, c'mon, wake up! Baby - please wake up! C'mon honey! Wake up! GODDAMMIT!_

He lets out a painful scream of emotional agony and drops his head as he once again tries to jerk free from his bonds, as if his efforts from before weren't enough. It is his last, desperate attempt to reach the one thing that matters most to him, the one thing that takes precedence above all else, including his own life.

But again, it is no use.

He stares up at the ceiling and begins to quietly weep, praying all of this is simply a horrible nightmare and nothing more.

Then, a door creaks open far to his right. It doesn't surprise him, as if he _knew_ it would happen. The sound yanks him out of his weeping state and the frigid, ice-cold air is immediately filled with a horrid stench. The scent is familiar. It smells of death and rotting flesh and without delay his brain makes the mental leaps as memories triggered by the foul reek dart through his mind.

The cold. The snow. The freezer. The hanging bodies. The scent of death.

The _winter._

 _No. No - no - no. It's him - I know it's him. I know what he wants! Oh shit - oh god - I know what he wants - I know what he's gonna do! Oh no - my little baby - he's gonna - no! No - no - no! Something - someone - god - please... fuckin' - help her! Please!_

Footsteps echo through the otherwise silent air around him. The panic in his veins spikes to a sickeningly high level and he writhes in his chair as he frantically tries to jerk himself free once again.

They're getting closer and he can hear the brittle wood floor beneath him groan after each one. Suddenly, the sound is far too close and terror grips him as a heart wrenching realization shoots to the front of his mind. The eerie footsteps of death aren't approaching him. They're approaching that which matters most.

Ellie.

Tears drip from his eyes as he screams, begging with every ounce of desperation he has for Ellie to wake up.

"Ellie! Please baby! Wake up! Wake up! Ellie! Fuckin' wake up! C'mon Ellie! Wake up! Please! Please! Please. Please..." he shouts, his voice trailing off as he drops his head and continues to weep, realizing his endeavor is useless.

He is helpless. He is hopeless. He is utterly, horrifically, powerless.

She is _alone._ And he knows it.

The sound of boots against the floor are even closer. It's getting louder and he's only getting more desperate and more distraught. A shadowy figure that's responsible for the creeping footsteps appears under the light that illuminates his little girl, his daughter and _purpose._

He tries one last time, bellowing out painful screams as loud as his lungs can possibly bear. Warm puffs of air disperse from his lips into the bone chilling environment that surrounds him after each shout of her name.

"ELLIE! ELLIE! ELLIE! ELLIE! ELLIE! ELLIE! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! PLEASE BABY! PLEASE!"

She doesn't move. She can't hear him. For a second, he thinks the louder he yells the closer to death she gets. It's killing him.

 _Slowly._

The only thing that reacts to his frantic pleads is the shadowy figure and he dreadfully watches it lurch an appendage towards his sleeping, little girl. His heart is on the verge of exploding in his chest from fear, panic, hate and anguish and he violently shakes in his invisible bindings as he tries to break himself free once again.

But he can't. He can't reach her. This is the end. It's over.

He can't _save_ her.

"No - stop! Don't! Please don't! Do whatever the hell you want to me but don't touch her! Please! Please!" he shouts at the dark figure with tears rolling down his cheeks, desperately hoping to draw it away from Ellie.

Miraculously, it hears him. As he holds his breath in either petrifying fear or relief, he's not even sure which, he watches it slowly turn around to face him, acknowledging his paternal cries.

"Please don't touch her! Please! Please - please - please don't hurt her! Torture me - hurt me - fuckin' kill me - I don't care - but please don't hurt my baby girl! Show some goddamn - just... please! I'm beggin' you!" he pleads again.

Tears continue to drip down his cheeks and a small pool begins to form on his jeans.

A pair of bright, red eyes flicker as the figure blinks at him in response. It stares back at him for what feels like an eternity and he can hear every beat of his heart rattling inside his tortured mind. Then, its face unmasks itself from the darkness, as if it was able to supernaturally bend the ray of light all on its own to maintain its disguise.

It's David. It's his little girl's worst, most horrifying nightmare.

And he knows it.

The demon, the monster, the beast from some dark place in time or David, he doesn't even know which at this point, turns back around.

"No! No - no! Fuck you - you piece of shit! Fuckin' stop! Stop - stop! Don't - please! Please stop! El - Ellie! Ellie! Oh god no - Ellie! Nooooooo!" he screams again in helpless, dreadful despair.

He watches _It_ , as if in slow motion, again lurch a blackened appendage towards Ellie. The closer the limb gets to her _,_ the more rapid and intense his breaths become. Goosebumps rise on every inch of his skin and his stomach churns as his insides twist into a painful knot. He's feeling sick. The color drains from his face. He wants to throw up.

But he can't.

He is simply stuck and watches in heartbreaking terror as _It_ afflicts Ellie's skin with _Its_ sickly touch.

She wakes up, to her worst nightmare.

Her eyes pop open and he can immediately see the fear and dread that is shooting off of her face. He can _feel_ it. He can _feel_ the pain and fright that quickly encompasses every cell in her body.

 _Oh god - no, no, no... baby - my poor little baby - oh god please, please don't hurt her. Hang in there sweetie - we're gonna get through this. It's gonna be okay, it's gonna be okay, it's gonna be okay._

Suddenly, the silence is shattered by one, high-pitched, terrified scream.

Ellie.

The sound rips his heart into a billion pieces and he can only gaze at her and sob. He watches her struggle and squirm as she flails her arms, trying to rid herself from the _thing_ , which now dominantly kneels above her.

She screams for Joel, horror, despair and yearning for comfort behind each shout of his name. It only makes him summon every ounce of anger, rage, hate and _love_ in his body and he tries to break free once more. He knows it's no use, but he tries anyway.

He _has_ to try, for _her._

Again, he doesn't move, not an inch. He can't even force the smallest of twitches in his muscles. He lifts his head and his lips tremble as tears stream down his wrinkled, war-torn cheeks. His eyes meet Ellie's and she stares at him with the most heartbreaking, soul shattering and desperate countenance for help. Her small, little frame quivers and shakes in terror. She shouts his name, over and over again, the cries for him rapidly spouting from her lips.

Each item of her clothing is hastily ripped from her body as he listens to the sound of fabric being torn apart. She is naked and pinned beneath _It_ , utterly helpless. Her pleas increase in volume and each desperate call of his name brutally punishes his heart and will to live.

He lets out a whimper, knowing he is completely powerless in this moment as he's forced to watch his little girl struggle. Their eye contact holds and they gaze into each other's souls with laser like focus. He can see the torment, agony, _misery_ and _confusion_ rain from her once sparkling, green, little eyes. Why won't he help her? Why won't he _save_ her? She _needs_ him.

He can't save her. And he knows it.

 _"_ I'm - I'm sorry baby - I'm so sorry. I - I can't, I can't... I'm sorry honey. I just... I can't even - oh god - I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he quietly says, having to force the words through his trembling lips and quivering whimpers.

He maintains her eye contact. It's all he can do at this point and he watches every tear drip down her cheeks. In his peripherals he is painfully reminded of what is transpiring. He notices her little feet and bare legs dangling in the air while her body twitches up and down in a consistent pattern as _It_ thrusts into her. Her soft, freckled cheeks are doused with the salt water pouring from her eyes. Her tears are _his_ tears and he can sense her giving up. He can feel her losing the _will to fight_.

She's dying. He's dying.

 _They're_ dying.

Their souls are withering away. They can feel every cell in their bodies shriveling up in horror as they helplessly become pawns in some cruel game of chess and are privy to the entire spectacle before them.

"No - no - no! Please! Oh god - I know baby, I know - I know sweetie - c'mon - we're almost through this - hang in there - you gotta keep fightin' - c'mon! Please!" he shouts, begging her to hang on and cling to her quickly fading sense of life.

Suddenly, her body returns to a motionless state as _Its_ defiling action ceases, stopping her small self from twitching like the rag doll the monster treated it as. He glances his eyes away from hers, only for a millisecond, and notices that _It_ is gone. Her eyes glaze over and her lips turn a dark, almost black, purplish color. Blood flows like a waterfall from between her legs, down the table and onto the floor. Her green and once beautiful _,_ glimmering eyes stare up at the ceiling with an emptiness he's _never_ seen before. The very sight sends a crippling chill down his spine.

It _crushes_ him.

"Noooooo! Oh god no! Ellie - baby - honey - sweetie! _My_ baby girl! No, no, no - come back to me - please! Ack - augh - oh god - noooooo!" he bellows in agony, clenching his eyes shut when the sudden and horrific truth hits him like a freight train.

The pain behind his howls are pulverizing and intense enough to crumble even the hardest of grown men to their knees.

She's gone. His _purpose_ is gone.

For seconds, minutes, hours, possibly even days, he cries in anguish, alone in the darkness. He's unsure how his eyes manage to produce the water which is still dripping onto the floor. Ellie's lifeless, naked, little frame lies beneath the one ray of light before him, constantly reminding him of his _failure._

He slowly lifts his head and sniffles then lets out another sob as he stares at her body. He yearns to hold her, even if she's dead, one, last, time. He _has_ to hold her tiny self close to him. He _needs_ to feel her in his arms again. He _needs_ her, like always.

But he can't. He's lost that which matters most. He's lost his will to _live_.

"El - Ellie... I - I'm sorry. I love you baby - I _love_ you an' I'm comin' honey - I'll be there soon. You won't be alone, just like I always promised," he softly mumbles.

He closes his eyes and prays for his heart to stop beating. Every thump from it becomes weaker and weaker, the time in between each one increasing. His breaths become shallower and the blood flowing through his veins slows to a crawl. He stares at her lifeless body once more. It's the last thing he sees before sipping in his final, short breath. And ultimately, his prayers are answered.

It stops.

* * *

"Joel! Joel! Wake up! It's just a dream - you're just dreaming! Wake the fuck up! C'mon, c'mon, c'mon!" Ellie shouted as she tried to shake Joel awake, gripping his shoulders with her small hands.

She could barely move or corral him.

He violently writhed around in the sleeping bag, shouting her name at the top of his lungs in despair. She painstakingly watched the tears dripping from his eyes, even though they were closed, and climbed on top of him to pull him out of his nightmare.

Nothing seemed to work. No matter how hard she tried he wouldn't wake up.

Her lips trembled and she let out a whimper as she firmly placed both hands on the sides of his head.

"Joel! Stop! Please stop! Please wake up! You're - you're scaring me! Joel - c'mon!" she stammered, sitting on her heels as she knelt on his chest.

She felt the dampness of his shirt as sweat poured from his skin and soaked his clothing. He continued to twitch and jerk around, shouting her name in agony through his congested, wheezing breaths.

She closed her eyes and pressed her lips to his forehead as she whispered to him.

"It's okay, it's _okay_ \- I'm here, _I'm_ here. Just... please wake up. Come back to me, please. You're scaring me, c'mon - please."

Finally, her desperate pleas were answered. His eyelids snapped open and his breathing was terrifyingly intense. His chest expanded with such force it pushed her small self upwards with each strained and panicked breath he took.

Ellie, relieved to see his dilated pupils meet her eyes, tightened her grasp around his head, curling his hair between her fingers as she clung to him like her life depended on it.

"Shh, shh, shh - look, look, look - it's me - it's Ellie - it's me. You're okay - we're okay. It was just a dream, just a dream," she whispered as she tried to soothe him, towering above him as her knees remained plastered to his chest.

Knowing that whatever night terror plagued his mind was finally gone, her nerves began to calm and the fierce shaking that gripped her hands began to dissipate.

Joel frantically rubbed his fingers over his face and gulped as his brain tried to rope itself back to reality. Without delay, he flung an arm to his right, patting the area adjacent to him where he last remembered Ellie soundly sleeping. She wasn't there, but in nanoseconds his gaze darted to the little girl kneeling above him. In a panic, his eyes took in the small-framed, petite mound of a human being that sat on top of him. She was wrapped in _his_ much-too-big flannel, only her auburn hair and face visible through the combination of over-sized shirt and sleeping bag.

 _Oh shit - oh god - what the - oh Christ... oh thank you god. My baby, she's still here - oh baby girl, c'mere!_

In one, swift motion he shot his torso up and rose to a sitting posture, as if she was weightless, tiny and minuscule at most. The sleeping bag tore open from the sudden movement as the combined mass of the two of them stretched the material in an unnatural way. He threw his arms around her and pulled her close as he uncontrollably sobbed.

 _It's okay, it's okay now. He can't hurt you - I've gotcha, I've gotcha - we're okay, we're okay now. You're safe - you're in your favorite place sweetheart - you're in my arms._

"Oh _god_ Ellie," he finally whispered through his trembling lips that rested against the side of her head, just above her ear.

She let out a deep breath, feeling herself getting squeezed by his tightening embrace. He was warmer and sweatier than usual. And for the first time since knowing him, he actually looked _frail._ She noticed the more defined, sharp lines of his cheekbones against his thinning face. He was losing weight. He _smelled_ different. She knew he was getting sicker. She could sense it.

"I'm here, I'm here. I'm okay - we're okay. You were shouting my name and scaring the shit outta - " she tried to softly speak.

But she was interrupted by the increasing tautness of his suffocating grasp around her.

He clutched her even harder, feeling her bony shoulder blades dig into his forearms as if no distance between him and _his_ little girl was too small. He couldn't bring her close enough. He needed to feel every part of her against him. He had to _experience_ the beat of her heart against his chest, ensuring him that she really was still breathing, alive, unharmed and not lying dead on a table in the dark.

 _Alone._

Her eyes widened and for the first time ever, she felt uncomfortable in his embrace. He was squeezing too hard. He was _crushing_ her. Her heart began to race and her breaths turned into quick, shallow sips.

He couldn't sense the increased level of panic that exuded from her wriggling self. He couldn't take a mental note of it. Unlike usual, he couldn't detect the angst and fear that emanated from her. He was far too engrossed in this moment of holding her in his arms against him. The aftereffects of his horrific nightmare had a death grip on his mind. Nothing, not even her own voice, mattered to him except the act of clutching her little frame as tightly as he could.

"Joel..." she softly said with a quavering voice, trying to not scare him even more.

 _It's okay baby. I've gotcha. I'm here - I'm finally here._

Her call of his name was futile. He continued to painfully weep and squeeze her.

"Joel - please stop crying - please..." she quietly tried once more.

Again, nothing.

"Joel," she said again, this time with more desperation and intent.

He couldn't hear her over his moaning sobs. Tears ran from his cheeks onto her hair and he pressed his lips to her scalp, relishing feeling her in his arms.

"Joel - !" she tried to yell. But the attempted shout only came out as a muffled, pained squeak as her ribs were getting crushed in his unintentionally harming embrace.

 _Shhh honey - I'm here - he can't hurt you - no one's hurtin' you - I swear it - I ain't lettin' go baby - I've gotcha._

He continued to cry as his chest violently convulsed through his wheezing sobs. It only made her panic even more and she gave everything she had to wiggle free from his smothering arms. She did so just enough, allowing her to frantically shout and plead in a panic for him to stop.

"Joel Miller please stop! Please stop crying - Joel - stop crying - please - you're scaring me - you're hurting me - you're squeezing too hard - please stop - I - I can't breathe!"

His eyes widened, finally hearing the echo of her voice over his consuming, damaged thoughts. It rang like a bell in his head.

 _Shit - oh - fuck! Stop! Listen to her - stop, stop, stop! You're hurtin' her - you're scarin' her - you're gonna kill her - Jesus Christ stop it - get your shit together! STOP, STOP, STOP! YOU'RE GONNA HURT HER!_

"Augh - ack - oh god - oh shit - oh fuck!" he gasped at his realization.

Immediately, he loosened his encompassing grasp around her and she pulled away, gasping for air, but only just enough for her to breathe and get comfortable. She wouldn't dare rip too far away. Knowing if she did, it would tear his heart straight from his chest, causing him to curl into a helpless ball and cry until he was dead. His lips trembled and their eyes finally met.

"Jesus - fuck - Ellie... oh god - sweetie - did I - oh honey - I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry - shit - I didn't mean - " he rapidly spouted.

"Shh, shh, shh - it's okay, it's okay. Look - I'm fine - we're fine. Everything's fine," she softly soothed, reaching a hand back up to his face.

The touch of her soft palms against his scarred and rough cheeks was calming. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to squash away the lingering panic and fear that had him panting. He tucked his legs in and sat in a cross-legged position, encasing her as she sat in a nest consisting of the sleeping bag and his four limbs.

"Oh baby girl," he murmured as he gently placed both hands on her cheeks, his palms and fingers completely encompassing her small face.

"Yeah - that's... that's me - I'm here - I promise - it's really me," she peeped with a small smile.

He carefully and delicately as possible pulled her head towards him, still in shock that _he_ was the one previously hurting her. He finally had her in his protective presence. She was safe. Her heart was still beating.

 _She_ was alive. _He_ was alive.

He pressed his forehead and nose against hers, shortening the distance between their eyes to mere inches. He gazed into hers, watching them glisten with the faintest of tears in between each flutter of her eyelashes and a weight-lifting sense of relief washed over him, knowing the gift of life still flowed through her.

She reached her shaking hands up as well, embracing his face in the same manner that he held hers. Feeling his hair and callused skin against her palms instantly ceased the remaining quivering in her limbs. And like he did to her, she gazed deep into his tired, weary and worn, brown eyes. They looked as if they housed years, ages and eons of sorrow and suffering. She could see the horror that lingered from his nightmare behind them. She didn't have to ask, nor did she want to. Somehow, she knew what dark and disturbing tale haunted his dream and it sent a shiver down her spine.

In silence, they sat in that very position for minutes, simply staring into each other's eyes and feeling every, warm, soft breath from the other glide against their cheeks. She refused to pull her hands away, or even let him pull his away, keeping their noses and foreheads pressed together until his breathing finally returned to a normal level.

He spoke, breaking the silence surrounding them in the tent that sat in the desolate Idaho wilderness.

" _G_ _od_ I love you - my _sweet,_ little, baby. I love you so _goddamn_ much sweetheart - oh _god,_ " he whispered to her as he clenched his eyes shut, pain and yearning behind every word.

"I know, I know - shh - I love you too - you know I do," she softly responded, puling his head down so she could affectionately press her nose into his hairline.

"Christ Ellie - I _love_ you to death - you got no idea," he quietly continued, meeting her eyes as he pressed his nose against hers once again.

She let out a small, teary eyed laugh.

"I do - I do have an idea. Fucking _believe_ me when I say I do."

He sniffled and replanted his palms over her cheeks.

"I... I couldn't live without you sweet pea. There just... there ain't no way in hell - I... I couldn't do it."

 _It scares the shit outta me how much I love you. You stop breathin' - I stop breathin' - simple as that._

She bit her lip, trying to keep herself from crying even more and let out a sniffle of her own.

"I... I've already fucking accepted I can't live without _you_. I _can't_ live without you - that's... that's it. That's never changing now - you're stuck with me forever whether you like it or not," she whispered through another airy laugh as she tightened the grasp of her hands around his face.

His eyes remained locked onto hers, as if she was the only thing in the entire universe that mattered in that moment.

And she was. She _knew_ she was. She could feel it pouring out of him.

"Well you ain't... you ain't gettin' rid of me no matter what. You'll _never_ be alone - ever."

He rapidly pecked her forehead and cheeks with kisses.

An endearing expression of adorable and enchanting vulnerability washed over her face. She simply smiled at him as her eyes crystallized with the tears that she could no longer hold back. The look on her face _crushed_ him. She looked so _lovable,_ so _dainty,_ so _cute_ and all he could think about was holding and cuddling _his_ little girl for the rest of their lives. If she was in his arms, she was safe and not _alone._ And that, above all else, was the most soothing thought of all, for both of them.

"Baby girl - oh _god_ \- c'mere, c'mere," he said through a whimper that trembled his lips like a small earthquake.

He caressed the back of her head, gently holding it just below the base of her ponytail and eased her cheek to his shoulder. After wrapping an arm around her back he engulfed her small self in his arms, reveling in the fact that his terrifying nightmare was exactly that, a nightmare and nothing more. He kissed her hair then felt her nuzzle even closer into him as she let out a small, delightful squeak of happiness. Hearing the little peep forced a smile across his face and he closed his eyes as he rested his cheek against the top of her head, snuggling her just a little tighter in his arms.

She pressed her torso even harder against him, until their beating hearts were mere centimeters apart. She lifted her head and looked up at him with warming, unfiltered and unbound _love_.

 _Christ - that look._

"Thought yo - uhh - I was dyin'," he said, quick to catch himself.

Though he tried to bite his tongue and correct himself, she noticed the slip up regardless. And for some morbid, strange, bizarre reason, it brought her the oddest and slightest bit of comfort.

"Well - you're not allowed to drop before I do. I _forbid_ you," she replied with a hint of playfulness as she pressed the underside of her chin against his shirt.

Her lighthearted response managed to pull another grin across his lips and he gently stroked her cheek with a thumb as he looked down at her, adoring her presence in his arms.

"Tssht - yes ma'am - reckon I can get behind that."

Her head perked up, causing her ponytail to brush against his arm.

"You better!"

He let out a deep breath, audibly demonstrating his wheezing that was getting worse and worse as the hours went by. The sound caused Ellie's heart to sink and her smile waned.

"Joel..." she softly said, turning her head to press an ear to his chest.

She could practically hear the phlegm collecting into a massive traffic jam inside of him.

He coughed and cleared his throat as he shook his head, trying to rid himself of the tickle that tortured the back of his throat.

"I know, I know... ain't gonna lie kiddo - feelin' more like crap by the hour."

"I know - you have to sleep. C'mon - lie down - you need it," she said, worry and concern palpable in her voice.

She examined every inch of him that she could see, acknowledging the enhanced sharpness of his cheek bones and jawline, nearly cringing at the gaunt look in his face. Sure signs that he was becoming increasingly sicker. Dark circles surrounded his eyes from exhaustion. His ill state made it difficult for him to fall asleep and she knew it. She felt and watched him struggle to doze off, even for just a few hours, during the past five nights and it pained her to see him suffer so.

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm not moving - I'm staying right, fucking, here - I promise," she continued, curling into a ball as she nuzzled into him.

She was intent on sleeping atop his chest, curled up in his arms, hoping that somehow she could prevent, for just one night, his sleep from being interrupted by his maladies and nightmares.

"Yeah - yeah, alright - be lyin' if I said my ass wasn't wiped out."

"See? Now. Lie. Down," she implored

"Workin' on it - goddamn," he said with a snicker.

He tenderly laid back down, careful to keep her wrapped in his arms and on top of him. After making himself comfortable and feeling her little frame wiggle in his embrace, he lowered his lips and kissed her hair once more before making another attempt at dozing off to sleep.

"Night baby girl - love the hell outta you sweet pea."

"You too," she softly responded with a smile before sighing happily.

She gently shifted her head, tucked it under his chin and listened to each, scratchy, painful breath that rippled through his lungs. She brought a hand up by her mouth, curling his shirt into her fingers and closed her eyes.

However, this time, she was the one fighting to stay awake. She refused to doze off until she was sure he was sound asleep, watching over him like his little guardian angel. He desperately needed the rest and miraculously, her warming presence atop him seemed to keep the painful coughs away. More importantly, for him, feeling her so close kept his nightmares at bay and knowing she was snuggled in his arms only assured him that he hadn't lost her.

She hadn't lost her _purpose._ He hadn't lost his _purpose._ They hadn't lost _their purpose._

She finally heard him break into a heavy snore then affectionately rubbed her cheek up and down against his shirt before whispering a final coo.

"I don't care what happens, I don't care how sick you get. I'm _not_ losing you."


	10. Twin Falls - I

"Twin Falls, population - " Ellie started, but then suddenly stopped upon seeing Joel stumble beside her and rest both hands on his knees.

 _Fuck he doesn't look good - saw it right away when he woke up this morning._

"Joel - what's wrong - talk to me," she immediately said with concern as she darted to his side.

He let out a horrid cough and felt his entire body shudder in a sickening discomfort. He shook his head and tried to chase away the punishing symptoms of his illness that were rapidly worsening by the minute.

"Just... goddamn - somethin's off Ellie - I - "

"No shit! C'mon, talk to me. What's going on - what're you feeling?" she frantically continued, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Her level of concern was endearing and she cared not to restrain any of her true feelings. He was the most important thing, as she was to him. Seeing him so sick was making _her_ sick.

He lifted his head and looked her in the eyes. Right away, his appearance struck her as weak and nauseous and she could sense his condition quickly deteriorating.

 _Holy shit - he's sweating bullets but it barely feels over fifty degrees out here._

"I - I dunno... I'm feelin' queasy as hell - can't stop my hands from shakin' like damn leaves an' I think I'm gonna - I'm gonna - oh shit - " he mumbled before turning around and bending over once more.

"What? You're gonna wha - "

All of a sudden, his whole body convulsed and he fell to his knees. Within seconds, he let out a choking sound as he gagged then immediately followed it with a spray of vomit onto the asphalt.

 _Ohhhhhhhh fuck! Gross!_

"Oh my god! Joel!" she spouted as she knelt down to rub his back.

"Jesus kiddo - feel like shit - ain't gonna lie... oh fu... hang on - got another - "

He convulsed again, feeling his abs spasm and tighten as they sucked into his navel. Another shot of bile, water and half-digested breakfast spurted from his mouth.

"Shit Joel - okay, fuck this - we're done for the day. We are getting you horizontal and calling it quits."

He waved an arm, as if he could somehow shoo her away and tried to gently shift out of her empathetic touch, resisting her caring and intelligent desire. He wiped his mouth a sleeve and struggled to take a deep breath.

"No, no - I'm okay, I'm fine. We can keep goin' - think I'm better after - oh shi - here's anoth - "

He violently heaved again, this time barely spitting up any fluid.

 _Oh no - he's dry heaving. He's really sick. I don't care what he says, we're finding a place to rest right fucking now._

She clamored to his side once again, refusing to let him pull away. She knew he was fading fast and needed rest. Most of all, she knew he needed _her_. And she'd be damned if she lost him to something so trivial, compared to the multitude of other ways to lose a life, as a flu or fever.

"No! Joel - look at you! You're not okay!" she snapped with worry.

She gently pressed the back of a hand to his forehead, feeling the burning heat which effused from his wet-to-the-touch skin. The sweat dripping from his brow left a slimy, glistening streak across her knuckles. His skin felt far too warm and clammy and she could see his shirt beginning to soak from his constant, sickly perspiration. Her eyes widened and she brought her other hand up to once again feel the heat radiating off of his forehead, half convinced experiencing it the first time was a mirage or some kind of joke.

It wasn't. He was burning up.

"Jesus - you're on fire. You're burning the hell up. We're fucking done for the day and getting you comfortable. C'mon - get up, lean on me - here we go," she demanded as protective instincts of her own filled her to the brim.

This time, he made no attempted resistance. He finally accepted that this grave cold, flu or fever, or some combination of all three, he didn't even know which, was utterly debilitating and let her take complete control. He needed her to, whether he wanted to admit it or not.

He slowly rose to his feet, feeling his limbs tremble and shake all the way up.

She tucked herself under his armpit and let his arm fall across her back and dangle over her shoulder. Again, she noticed the change of his scent. He _smelled_ different, he smelled like he was ailing and she could feel his muscles weakly quiver and almost buckle under his own weight like overcooked pasta. She'd never felt him like this before. He felt wobbly, unbalanced and _uncontrolled_ as he let his weight fall against her. Her little frame was just barely able to keep him on his feet.

He stumbled after their first few steps, panting heavily and nearly taking her to the ground with him as his entire body suddenly felt like nothing but limp, dead-weight.

 _Shit! No, no, no - c'mon!_

"C'mon, c'mon - stay with me! We're gonna find a place to rest, I promise. I need you to stay with me for just a little bit longer - c'mon, please!" she begged him, straining under his weight after every step.

He coughed again and slowly nodded his head, drool and remnants of vomit lightly dripping from his lips.

"Uh-huh - alright - I - "

"Shh - don't fucking waste your energy talking, focus on standing okay? I don't have Callus anymore so I can't drag your ass around. You gotta help me out here - just a little bit."

"Yes... yes ma'am," he said, straining to push the few words across his tongue.

They slowly trudged their way into the center of town and she frantically glanced around, desperately looking for a place to hide and rest. It was dead silent and not even the sound of a light breeze trickling down the main drag whispered in the air. The road was oddly clean, no automobiles or bodies lined the streets and nearly every building that surrounded them had their windows boarded up. There was no trash, no heaps of scrap metal littered over the road and sidewalk, giving the entire area an eerie, almost too-good-to-be-true feel.

It was far too quiet and something, for some reason, felt off. Something in her _gut_ was telling her so.

 _I... I don't like the look of this - sorta reminds me of Pittsburgh._

"Joel - this... something's not right. I - I don't like this place," she nervously said, temporarily forgetting she was the one who had to be strong and take charge in this rare moment of crippling weakness from him.

His whole body shuddered once more and he slowly lifted his head to take in the strange surroundings. He grunted and grimaced, in part from his physical agony but also from the bizarre sight.

She was right, it was odd. He didn't like it either. But, they had no choice. They both knew he wasn't making it much further.

"Just... find - "

"Shh, shh - I know. Gah, okay - here we go, here we go - c'mon," she stammered, still only barely managing to support his larger frame as they slowly walked along.

 _Shit, shit, shit - c'mon, gimme something - anything. There's gotta be - aha! Yes! Something that's not boarded up!_

She heaved a sigh of relief and re-positioned herself under his armpit.

"There! That's not closed off - only one entrance too - c'mon almost there," she said.

"Yeah... alright," he mumbled.

They trudged their way towards the abandoned, small building she spotted that stood to their left, just down the street. She constantly peaked her head up and scanned their surroundings, anxious to know whether her earlier uneasy feeling was or wasn't merely paranoia.

They approached the door and she gently rested him against the wall, helping him slowly slide down against it into a sitting posture.

"Okay - wait here, I'm gonna see if it's clear - one sec."

She knelt down and pressed an ear to the door, listening for anything inside. Like the rest of the town and their current environment, it was silent, eerily quiet, and though she was relieved to hear nothing inside, her distrust of the area was growing by the second.

"All clear - c'mon, here we go," she said, leaning down to help him to his feet.

His head limply sidled to and fro and he mumbled an incoherent a response as his limbs continued to shake.

"Joel! C'mon - get up!"

He clenched his eyes shut and gritted his teeth, forcing himself to suppress his extreme exhaustion and increasingly crushing symptoms. He slowly rose and quickly rested his weight against her before they stumbled through the door.

Within seconds, he collapsed and rolled onto the floor, sprawling his limbs out as he stared at the ceiling, breathing heavily.

She slammed the door closed and scrambled as she slid two nearby chairs up against it, blocking it shut. After turning back around, she took a second to catch her breath and take note of the interior of their temporary resting place for the day.

It was an old laundromat. Large, rusted and lengthy steel rods trailed along the walls and ceiling, all leading to a massive, smashed and broken down machine in the rear of the small space. The floor was a dirty, black and white checkered linoleum. Several pieces of it were torn and peeled from the sub-flooring in various places. A narrow, white counter extended halfway across the room with an old and destroyed cash register on its surface. To her, nothing looked out of the ordinary, except for one, blatant, obvious thing.

Not a single article of clothing hung from the steel rods. The entire place was barren, empty, and appeared to have already been ransacked clean.

 _Shit. Someone's been here already. It's fucking hunters - I know it._

Joel let out a groan as he rolled onto his side, flopping an arm over his chest as if it was a flimsy, wet piece of cloth. The sound drew her attention back to him, causing her to let out some kind of indecipherable, nervous noise, a noise filled with _love, care_ or even _fear,_ neither of them knew which, as she ran over and knelt beside him.

She placed a hand on his forehead once again and cringed at the amount of heat permeating from his brow.

"Fuck... you're burning up - hang on," she said under her breath.

She threw off her backpack and wiggled Joel's off as well then began tearing through them, trying to find their sleeping bag, hoping to give him a softer surface to lie on. She frantically tugged it out of his pack and quickly unrolled it, crawling on her hands and knees as she flattened it out.

Her eyes passed over the massive tear down the middle from the other night, when he had his horrific nightmare. Noticing it again sent a chill down her spine and caused her to wrinkle her nose in disgust. She shook her head and took a deep breath, trying to keep her mind focused on the task at hand.

He needed her in this moment and she _knew_ it.

"Here - lie down, c'mere," she said, tugging on his arm as she tried to roll him over onto the sleeping bag.

He let out another sickened grunt before barking another scratchy cough.

 _C'mon Ellie - he needs you right now. You got this, you can do it._

He slowly wiggled and shifted his way onto the sleeping bag then let out a deep breath of his own as he continued to gaze up at the ceiling.

She again rummaged through her pack, seeking their water canteen and one of the small washcloths they'd collected during their journey. In a frenzy, she twisted off the cap of the canteen and tossed it aside then dowsed the cloth with water, half of the fluid missing the fabric entirely and pouring onto the floor due to her frantic state.

She gasped. And in dread she watched the last, final drop escape from the nozzle of the canteen.

"No! Oh no! Shit!" she exclaimed.

"Huh - wha... what is it?" he slowly said, turning his head to face her with barely opened eyes.

She looked at him in horror while vigorously shaking the empty bottle up and down, demonstrating that they were out of life's most precious liquid.

His eyes simply glazed over and he let out another groan as he rolled his head back the other way. And for the first time, she actually heard him, Joel, this hardened, nearly dead-at-the-core of a man, _pout._

 _Fuck! What're we gonna do! Wait - first things first, don't waste what you've already used - cool his ass off._

The increasingly gaunt look across his face, coupled with his green-around-the-gills appearance ached her heart. Every part of her wished he could magically return to his normal state. It _pained_ her to seem in such misery. She fidgeted in her kneeling posture and slightly wrung out the washcloth then draped it over his forehead.

His lips quivered and he let out an exasperated sigh of relief, feeling the refreshing, cold touch of the cloth on his skin.

It felt _divine._

"There we go, you're okay, you're okay. Everything's gonna be fine," she softly said, resting a small hand on the washcloth.

 _I've gotcha._

She could still feel the heat from his brow trickling through the cold piece of fabric and knew it wouldn't remain cool for long. Within seconds and without even thinking, she returned to the place she'd come to call _home,_ snuggled in his arms or up against him in some way, _any_ way.

She lay down and curled up against him, bringing her hand down to rest on his chest. She painstakingly listened to each of his wheezy, strained breaths and watched him slowly close his eyes, refusing to take hers off of him and let alone even blink. She lay there for minutes, making sure each and every one of his breaths went off without a hitch. She worried that any moment in which she looked away would provoke the cold hand of death and he would be ripped away from her, even though she knew the thought bordered on the absurd.

 _Sheesh - now I know why he's so paranoid... I get it._

The presence of her, the cooling touch of the floor against his back and the cold washcloth on his skin all fought his discomfort in unison. The combination of each remedy gave him just enough to strength to put forth a rational thought. He cleared his throat and finally spoke coherently.

"You got no idea how damn good that cloth feels," he softly muttered, somehow with a lighthearted snicker.

She needed to hear him laugh. And he knew it.

His voice eased away a scant amount of her worry and she let out a small sigh of relief.

"Yeah - guess I don't. You better like it though - last of the water."

"I know - it'll be alright," he responded as he patted a hand along his chest, searching for hers.

Immediately, as if the action had become a pure, subconscious reflex, she assisted him and slid hers underneath it, intertwining their fingers. She watched his lips stretch into a small smile upon grasping his hand, pulling one across her face as well.

"I'm here - I'm not fucking losing you," she softly said.

He coughed again.

"It's gonna be fine. I'll be okay - just a fever, flu - or some damn combination of the two - hell if I know," he mumbled with his eyes closed, still lying flat on his back.

"I know... I just - "

"You worry?" he said with another small smile, slightly tilting his head towards her.

 _Fucker - he's gonna make me say it._

She blushed and even though he couldn't see the flush in her cheeks, he sensed it. In his head, he could picture the familiar rosy shade that encompassed her cheeks and the image made his smile grow, which only enlarged her smile as well.

"Yes," she timidly peeped.

"It's gonna be fine sweet pea - I promise - just give my broken ass a couple hours here an' we'll be good to go," he assured her, reaching a hand up to pat her on the head.

He was giving everything he had to maintain his composure. His body was on the verge of shivering and shaking with such intensity from his fever but he refused to let himself to display another level of weakness in front of her. It would _scare_ her if he did, or so he thought. However, it was only a matter of minutes before he couldn't restrain it any longer and his tough, hardened, outer-shell finally cracked.

His head hurt and ached _so_ bad. It felt as if someone was driving a stake into his skull with a hammer. Goosebumps rose on his skin as chilling shakes and trembles began to overpower his limbs. Before long, his hands, feet, arms, legs and even torso started uncontrollably twitching and shivering. It looked as if he was almost _vibrating_ from the constant, unintentional, tiny motions.

His teeth started to chatter and his breathing intensified as he tried, but failed, to keep himself under control.

"J-J-Jesus... I'm - I - I'm f-fuckin' sh-shakin' here," he struggled to say, stuttering in between each word.

 _Shit - it has to be a fever. I remember getting one back in the orphanage - fucking sucked._

"Shhh - I know, I know - it's okay. It's _definitely_ a fever. I had one like this once - blows doesn't it?"

He managed to let out another small snicker in between his irrepressible shivers and smiled at her blunt response.

"S-sure does."

She reached over into his backpack, searching for the soft blanket that Maria left them before leaving Jackson. She unfolded it and flung it over him, hoping it would help keep him warm.

"There - that should help... I hope."

"It is... b-barely," he responded.

Even with the added warmth, he still violently shook under the blanket and he searched for her hand once again. Right away she gripped it with hers, without even thinking.

 _What else can I do... umm... right! Food! They always said at the orphanage when I was sick - feed a fever, starve a cold._

"Wait - you should eat something. Feed a fever, starve a cold right?" she said, reaching for both of their bags again.

He let out another painful cough.

"D-d-don't b-bother - I ain't gonna k-keep it down, I know it. 'Sides... y-you - you gotta eat kiddo. You sh-should have what's l-left," he struggled to say through his chattering teeth.

She could see the sweat pouring from his brow and down his neck. The touch of his skin felt like hell fire to her, but he violently shivered as if he were freezing and there wasn't a single doubt in her mind that it was a fever. A particularly devastating one at that.

"No! You need to eat something! I'll force it down your throat if I have to and I know you - " she stopped and her eyes widened in fear at the realization that their bags were barren when it came to items of sustenance.

"W-what is it k-kiddo?" he asked with worry.

 _Oh no! No, no, no! Oh god - no! No more food!? Are you fucking kidding me right now!?_

"Shit! We're completely out of food - I didn't know we - fuck!" she stammered, angrily throwing her pack aside.

She shifted into a cross-legged position and drooped her head. The nerve wracking thought of having no comestibles caused her to uncomfortably fidget in fear. She couldn't sit still, not when _he_ was in such agony.

He sensed her mind unraveling due to the situation at hand and gently placed a hand on her knee, trying to soothe her. Even in his sickened state, her well being was his number one concern. He wanted her to eat.

She _needed_ to eat soon or she would succumb to her body's constant, unquenchable thirst for energy and pass out. And she wanted _him_ to eat, hoping any amount of food would help fight his fever.

But none of it mattered. They had nothing left. Once again, they found themselves in a seemingly hopeless and dire set of circumstances with nothing to cling to except each other.

She looked at her hands in despair then pressed them against her head as she looked up at the ceiling in frustration. She could already feel the early effects of hunger settling in, causing her to feel the slightest bit weak and shaky.

 _He needs me. If I'm passed out and fucking unconscious I can't be here for him. He needs to eat - I need to eat. I have to find food - soon - somehow._

She bit her lip and internally pondered her options.

 _I've gotta find us food - I have to. There has to be something around here. But I can't leave him! No... we both need to fucking eat. Now! Go. Do it Ellie. Get up. Get up. Get up! Find something! GO!_

In a flash, she shot to her feet and zipped up her pack then quickly threw it over her shoulder, causing him to immediately jerk in her direction with concern.

"El-Ellie - "

"Shh, shh - it's gonna be fine," she said, kneeling back down and resting a hand on the cloth that remained draped across his forehead.

Its previous cold state was no more and instead felt just as hot as the perspiring skin that sat beneath it.

"I _have_ to find us food and water - we're just fucking sitting ducks here if I pass out and you're nearly dying like this. I'll try not to be long - I promise. I _will_ find something, I swear," she said, displaying another shimmer of austere confidence.

Her reassurance caused him to smile ever so slightly, but his insides also churned at the thought of her venturing out by herself. They'd been tied at the hip for so long, the concept of the other being further than a few feet away was daunting. He _hated_ even thinking about her wandering off without him and away from his protection. The thought only made him even sicker and his mind feared the _worst._

But she was right, they needed food and water, desperately, and he was in no shape to stop her. She _loved_ him too much.

She leaned down and softly kissed his hairline.

"I'll come back. You know I will," she whispered.

He reached a quivering hand up to her cheek and affectionately rubbed the scar above her eye.

"P-please be c-care - "

"Shh - I will. I know - I promise," she soothed, hoping to ease the nagging worry that she knew always plagued him.

"I l-love you b-baby," he said as he looked into her eyes, letting his palm linger on her cheek.

The warm, soft touch of her skin somehow managed to keep his hand from shaking.

 _I won't let you down. I've got this._

"I love you too," she softly responded with a sniffle.

She rose to her feet and took a deep breath as she prepared herself to leave his side. The thought of venturing further into the eerie, creepily, quiet town _alone_ sent a tingle of fear down her spine. But she had to be strong. He needed her desperately.

 _They_ needed her desperately.

She turned around, grabbed the hunting rifle then threw aside the chairs which she placed to block the entrance. After quickly darting through the door, she quietly shut it behind her and took another, angst-ridden, deep breath as she scanned her surroundings.

She wasn't going to fail him. She wasn't going to lose her _purpose._

* * *

"C'mon - c'mon - c'mon!" she said to herself while sifting through drawer after drawer in a frenzy.

After sneaking across the street towards the collection of abandoned shops, restaurants and bars that lined the main drag through town, she simply started at one end and worked her way down. She jumped on every opportunity to use an alleyway or hop through a window, fearful of waltzing outside onto the uncovered and wide open sidewalk or road. It wasn't until her third stop in which she found anything that even whispered a hint of hope. It was an old, derelict, fifties style diner, filled with bright colors and strange artwork that puzzled her to no end, but now wasn't the time for her usual and childlike, curious contemplation.

The entire place was filthy. Shards of glass, newspapers, old bar stools and stains of dried blood decorated the scene around her. The floor was covered in a thick layer of dirt and dust with trails dug into it from the empty drawers she angrily tossed aside after coming up empty handed time and time again.

 _Fuck! There has to be something in here! Come the fuck on!_

She wiped the sweat from her brow and darted to the other side of the kitchen, spotting a pair of cabinets and another set of drawers. As she passed by a rusted and damaged stove top, a detestable, black sludge that stuck to its surface caught her eye.

 _God that smells foul - real fucking funny that used to be food at one point - sure as hell isn't anymore._

She felt taunted and tormented, like some higher power was toying with her. The sight only reminded her that food was bountiful long, long ago and the thought of it going to waste caused her to grit her teeth in frustration. Convinced that food at one point filled the diner in abundance, yet knowing that she continued to come up empty caused her to angrily threw the broken spatula that lay on the stove stop nearby. Each of her findings only consisted of the molded and rotten remnants of whatever used to be there, nothing more. Fate was cruel and she let out a groan.

"Goddammit fuck you," she spat under her breath, though she wasn't sure who the pointed words were directed towards.

She continued to the other side of the kitchen then swung open the pair of cabinets only to find nothing once again.

 _Goddammit!_

Again, the nagging feeling of hopelessness and despair scratched at her mind, hissing in her ear and imploring her to _give up._

But she couldn't give up. Joel, her protector and _purpose_ needed her to come through. She _had_ to find something.

Before pulling open the final drawer in the kitchen, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, praying that even the smallest gift of good fortune awaited _them_ inside.

She yanked it open with a wrathful force, so harsh the drawer nearly snapped free from the metal tracks which kept it in place.

Nothing.

"Auuuugggh! Fuck! Give me something! Please!" she shouted in frustration.

She plopped down on the floor, resting against the end of a nearby table and brought a hand to her brow. Panted breaths rapidly shot from her contracting and expanding small chest, a product of her frantic and fearful state. She dropped both hands to the floor, tilted her head back and stared up at the ceiling as she blew a raspberry.

 _Our luck can't run out now - not yet. C'mon Ellie - catch your breath then get back to it. He fucking needs you. We need you!_

She closed her eyes, trying to relax and calm her breathing. Images and memories of her and Joel danced through her mind. As always, they provided a sliver of warmth and heightened sense of motivation. Motivation to keep her _purpose_ alive and to continue _fighting._ No matter how hopeless or dire the situation at hand felt, she wouldn't _dare_ give up. Especially if the repercussions of admitting defeat meant he would perish or suffer from a malady of any kind.

"I'm not losing you - I'm not losing you. Hang in there Joel. Please... for us," she whispered to herself.

She rose to her feet, feeling the familiar weight of the shoulder strap from the hunting rifle tug on her shoulder. However, upon standing up, little, black dots clouded her vision and her head began to spin. She felt dizzy, lightheaded and could barely keep herself balanced upright as she stumbled to the side, collapsing a forearm onto the table next to her. The stipulations of her condition were tapping at the door. The cynical part of her, or the _Joelish_ part of her, she didn't know at this point, snickered at the turn of events, as if she needed additional cruel taunts from reality. A clammy, cold sweat began to percolate on her skin and her hands started to lightly shake. Sure signs that her body was quickly running out of fuel.

 _Oh shit - fuck - oh no... this again... I - I have to find food. C'mon Ellie, just take a deep breath and relax. It'll go away in a few seconds - you got this._

She clenched her eyes shut and took a series of massive and exaggerated deep breaths, urging her body, which was on the verge of betraying her at any moment, to squash the side effects of her _gift._

It was always a _gift._ It was responsible for bringing the two of them together and no matter how much collateral damage was left in its wake, she _never_ cursed it.

 _Okay - time's wasting - c'mon, get a move on, go, go, go!_

She bolted out of the kitchen and noticed a broken window opposite of where she entered, leading into an adjacent alleyway. After carefully climbing through the window, shards of broken glass crunched beneath her feet upon landing on the concrete below it. She cringed and paused, praying nothing in the area was now aware of her presence. Every sound emitted from her small self, even the soft parting of the air molecules around her lips from her breath, seemed too loud.

No more than ten feet away stood the next building and she approached it with confidence, constantly telling herself the next stop held their salvation inside. She _knew_ she would strike gold and find what they needed so desperately.

A busted, wooden door that led into her next checkpoint, remained slightly ajar and she tiptoed through it as quietly as she could. Within seconds, she was engulfed by darkness, only the sliver of light peaking through the doorway behind her left a small, shard of light on the floor. The pitch-black room in the rear of the establishment had a different scent than the diner which she scoured minutes ago.

It was strange, each structure she ventured into had its own, unique scent, which seemed unusual. The fact that the smell of death didn't permeate through all of them was a pleasant surprise, but it only heightened her sense of paranoia. A lack of bodies and Infected meant someone or something already swept through the area.

 _God this whole place is fucking creepy - can't wait to get the hell out of here._

She turned on her flashlight and anxiously scanned every inch of the room. Feeling more and more uneasy by the second, she drew her pistol and gulped. Her hands continued to shake like a leaf in the wind and her energy level was quickly draining. Another wave of blotted vision clouded her sight and for a brief second, she closed her eyes as she prayed for it to pass. Time was running out.

It were as if fate, reality, god, the devil or _everything_ that stood in her path, were quietly laughing, schadenfreude and all, as they found enjoyment in her misery. She _hated_ everything in this moment, everything except for her _purpose_ of course.

"Don't fuck with me motherfuckers," she spat under her breath.

To her right was a narrow doorway that led to the front and main area of the establishment. Rows of shelves that used to be stocked full, which now stood barren and empty, lined the whole floor. She shined the faint glow of her flashlight through the doorway, passing over a sign that hung above the main entrance.

 _General Store. Fuck yes! Okay! Here we go - c'mon! There's gotta be something here!_

Then, something caught her attention. Far to the left sat a large, mahogany bookcase against the furthest and most rear wall of the dark room. It had been picked clean of every item that once called its shelves home, but something very strange caught her eye. Breaking the continuous membrane of dust that suffocated the rich, high-quality wood was a defined set of finger prints on the edge. Moreover, the entire object appeared to be shifted, even if just slightly, a few inches from the wall.

 _What the - is there something -_

Suddenly, a series of loud, barking voices from outside snapped her out of her curious state, thus immediately ending the exploration of the intriguing room.

"In here right!? They stumbled into one of these yeah!?" she faintly heard from the bellowing voices.

 _NO! JOEL!_

She let out a nervous peep and darted to the front of the store. She knelt behind a shelf, peered around the corner and out the window, praying her eyes would come up empty, though she knew it wouldn't be the case. And in an instant, her heart shattered to pieces and a massive lump filled every inch of her throat.

The door to the laundromat was wide open and she watched three men walk through it. Panic filled her every nerve and she gulped again, feeling her heartbeat suddenly pound away faster and faster. Her hands started to shake even more and the adrenaline that was filling her bloodstream only caused her ravenous stomach to scream for food even louder.

Her eyes danced in their sockets as she darted them across every inch of the environment outside which spanned before her. Along with the three that went into the laundromat, two more men stood against the wall outside, standing guard.

 _Hunters. Fuck! I knew it! Shit, no, no, no! Joel! Oh no! Please no!_

She sat there on her heels, frozen in place and unable to move. Every fiber of her being urged her to bust through the front door of the store and unleash a flurry of rifle rounds at the hunters. But she knew she couldn't. She didn't have enough firepower and was getting weaker and more exhausted by the second.

Then, her stomach churned and a she became queasy from the next sight. In agony she watched the three men who entered the laundromat drag Joel along the ground, forcing him to rise to his feet. He tried to stand, then stumbled to his knees as he let loose another spray of vomit. Causing the five hunters to howl in a combination of tormenting laughs and grunts in disgust. They were getting a sick satisfaction out of punishing him in his helpless state. Seeing them treat her _purpose_ in such a cruel way caused her to fume with rage.

She could _feel_ the pain and dread he was experiencing in that moment and her lips trembled as a small quake of emotional anguish shot through her. However, he was alive. They didn't kill him on sight. And she knew why.

 _Wait - that asshole said they. Those fuckers know there's two of us. They'll keep him alive until they find me... for awhile at least._

"Please don't hurt him, please, please, please. Hang in there Joel - I swear I'm gonna find you," she whispered to herself as she closed her eyes.

Just when she thought her little heart couldn't stand witnessing more torture to the man who'd become her father, she heard a cry of pain. It was his voice, she knew it. Hearing the sound sent another shock of heartache through her and she snapped open her eyes. A hunter started kicking him in the ribs, over and over again. Observing the sight incited a terrified and tear-jerking yelp from her as she twitched forward, yearning to run to his side and _save_ him.

"No! Stop! You motherfuckers stop! Fucking stop! Please!" she quietly shouted to herself as tears of empathy filled her eyes.

In heartbreak she sat there, watching the hunters carry what mattered most, off in the distance and down the road. A tear from each eye ran down her cheeks and she let out an intense whimper coupled with a sniffle.

It didn't take long, and her mind began to race about as it constructed the _worst_ and most pessimistic of scenarios. But she had to keep fighting, no matter what. She refused to succumb to the suffocating thoughts. She dissected every possible solution and idea that surfaced when it came to finding him. She _had_ to find him and dismissed the lingering fear that hissed with a forked tongue in the back of her mind, taunting her with the fact that she may never, _ever,_ see him again.

She closed her eyes and tried to collect herself, realizing that finding food remained priority number one. She still had to eat and If she were to pass out on the floor of the convenience store, she wouldn't find him.

Then, suddenly, the _gentle_ touch of hand upon her shoulder jolted her back to the present, sending a frightened sense of surprise through every nerve. Her muscles tensed and her pupils widened to their maximum size.

"Shouldn't let your guard down like that," a soft voice spoke behind her.

This time, much to her dismay, she wasn't alone _._

* * *

 **AN: Sorry for the cliffhanger but I felt this was a good stopping point. Trying to force the rest of the content that will take place in Twin Falls in this chapter would cause it to be a massive, gargantuan one. I hope you'll forgive me! So, where has Joel been carried off too? Who's creeping up on Ellie?**

 **By the way, just a side note, I went back and tried to polish up some of the earlier chapters... wanted to make them as good as I can, though I know nothing will ever be perfect.**

 **Also, did anyone else have the issue I was seeing with the site on Tuesday? When I clicked on the 'The Last of Us' section, it returned with no stories whatsoever, saying nothing matched my filter. And even after I "adjusted" or "reapplied" the filter, I still got nothing. Weird... wonder if it was just me or others experienced the same thing. Anyway, hope it got resolved.**


	11. Twin Falls - II

"Oh fuck - what the - shit!" Ellie shouted in a panic as she snapped herself around.

She scrambled for the rifle that remained slung over her shoulder as she kicked and slid her heels against the floor, pushing herself backwards until her spine painfully smashed into the wall.

"Whadd'you want!?" she snapped as she pointed the rifle in the strangers direction, hands still shaking and all.

 _Shit! Joel will kill me if he finds out I let my guard down like that! Fuck!_

"Holy - hey, hey, hey - shit! Don't - don't shoot!" the mysterious person spouted as they pushed themselves backwards, sliding across the dust covered floor in the same manner as Ellie.

"Why the fuck shouldn't I!?" Ellie shot back.

Ellie's pupils were dilated and it looked as if two, massive black holes erased all of the blueish-green that normally filled her eyes. She gulped, but tried to suppress the sound of her shock, though she knew the stranger heard it and witnessed the clenching of her throat. As her adrenaline receded, she had the mental capacity to quickly size up and examine the person who nearly caused her to jump out of her own skin.

The stranger was a middle aged woman with long, flowing blond hair and light, blue eyes. She was panting and looked just as terrified, and in a weird way, seeing the fright on her face put Ellie at ease.

 _You're in control here Ellie. Look at her - she's practically shitting her pants._

"I'm not one of them! I swear! Please, please! Don't shoot!"

Still unable to trust anyone, much less a stranger out on the road, Ellie pulled the firing pin back and lurched the barrel forward. She gave the woman a sinister leer, lifted her shoulders and stuck her chest out, attempting to embody the definition of intimidating, unafraid confidence.

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't. You scared the fucking shit out of me!" she spoke, her voice rising to a yell again, feeling herself getting worked up once more.

She wasn't sure who she was more irate with, this woman, or herself for letting her guard down and thus leaving her in a such a vulnerable, anemic state.

The woman, still petrified of the gun barrel pointed at her head, continually tried to push herself even further back. Only to find she went nowhere as her shoulders were already firmly plastered to a set of shelves that towered behind her.

"I - I - I'm a friend! I swear! Please! I'm in trouble - like... like you!" she stammered with a nervous gulp.

Ellie nudged the rifle forward again, gritting her teeth as she increased the intensity of her livid glare. The motion caused the woman to raise both hands to her face and cower in fear, revealing the small pistol she held in her right hand.

"Oh god! No, no, no! Jesus! Stop! Please! I'm a friend - I swear, I swear!" she shouted again.

 _I guess she could've shot me if she wanted to._

Ellie took a deep breath and relaxed the tension in her arms, if only barely, and let the rifle drop ever so slightly. The pessimistic, skeptical and damaged part of her still didn't trust the woman, though part of her _wanted_ to. Having aid when it came to finding Joel only meant shifting the odds in her favor.

Seeing the barrel of Ellie's rifle dip towards the ground from the corner of her eye, as if it were some sort of Machiavellian invitation, provoked the woman to gradually lower her hands. Her arms shook with fear and she sipped short, panicked breaths every inch of their way down.

"I'm a friend - I'm a friend - really, I promise," she said through her panted breathing as her throat gave way to another nervous gulp.

"I could've blown your brains if I wanted to - "

Ellie angrily raised the barrel again upon hearing her words, silencing the woman in the process.

"But I didn't! I didn't! I didn't. I didn't..." she frantically spouted again, the volume of her voice lowering and taking on a softer tone as she finished.

"Drop the gun - slide it to me!" Ellie shouted, pointing to the shiny, metal object in the woman's hand with the tip of the rifle.

"Okay, okay - you got it - here."

The woman obliged. She gradually lowered the pistol to the floor and pushed it Ellie's way with a foot.

Ellie snapped her leg out and kicked the gun behind her, hearing it slide across the floor. Not for a millisecond did she take both eyes off of the woman or lower the rifle, she didn't need to look. Her other senses were already sharply in tune and she knew exactly where the firearm now resided in the abandoned store.

"Anything else?" she snapped.

The woman gulped again and simply nodded.

"What!?" Ellie barked.

"Uh, uh - a - a knife," the woman said as she quickly reached down to pull up her pant leg.

"Give it to me, now! Do it!" Ellie demanded.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah - okay - shh... it's fine. Please - I'm a friend... I'm not your enemy," the woman replied as Ellie watched her shaking, trembling hands fumble with the knife.

She tossed the knife towards Ellie. The little girl didn't bother raising a hand to catch it, intent on keeping both hands tightly gripped around her rifle. Instead, she simply twitched her head to the side and heard the sharp, metal object bang into the wall behind her then fall to the floor. The sharp clank of the blade against the hardwood echoed throughout the store and it seemed like an eternity until the sound stopped ringing through the air.

For seconds, or possibly minutes, neither of them knew, they stared at each other, both at a loss for words or next course of action.

Finally, Ellie broke the tension filled silence.

"That fucking it?" she said, not knowing what else to say.

The woman gulped and nodded again.

"Uh-huh - I swear. That... that's it."

 _If you're lying to me... I swear to god I'll blow your fucking head off._

Ellie unchained a massive shot of air through her lips, feeling her chest collapse from the breath that escaped and deflated her lungs. That one breath, seemed as if it was pent up and building to critical mass since her first step outside of laundromat, leaving Joel in his ailing state.

Her mind was chaotic and exhaustively sporadic. The mere act of trying to corral and reign in her _own_ thoughts was tiring. One second she was thinking of Joel, how she was going to find him, how she was going to save him, only for the next one to remind her to remain keenly focused on the present. Dealing with the situation at hand and guaranteeing her own survival meant locating her _purpose._

Joel.

She shot a sideways glance towards the window, for just a second, somehow hoping he'd returned from being carried off by the pack of Hunters. Of course, he hadn't.

"Was he... he your Da - "

Ellie's snapped forward again upon hearing the woman's voice and she raised the rifle again.

"Shh! I ask the fucking questions! Okay!?" she barked.

The little redhead continued to surprise the woman. Seeing such a young, small girl behave in such an austere way caught her off guard.

"Okay, okay, okay - that's fine... easy... easy now," she said, raising both hands in the air as she flinched.

 _Shit - I've never held someone up before like this. Umm... think of something to say - or ask... I don't fucking know._

Ellie sat in silence, biting her lip as she quietly contemplated how to proceed. Finally, she spoke, easing the resurfacing anxiety within the woman.

"Why are you here?" she asked.

"My husband and I... we - we were traveling through."

"And?"

"He - those assholes they - " she started to choke up and rose a hand to her chest.

"Those motherfuckers you just saw - they took him," she continued, barely holding back a whimper.

"And you're sticking around?" Ellie asked, though she knew the question was ridiculous.

She was _sticking_ around. Joel didn't leave Salt Lake City without her and she wasn't leaving Twin Falls without him, _no matter what._

"He's alive! I know he's alive! They captured him a week ago and they've been looking for me ever since!" the woman continued in a frenzy, feeling as if the louder she stated her words, the truer they could be.

A small, uncontrollable smile appeared across Ellie's lips. The woman noticed and a perplexed look washed over her face.

Seeing the change in her expression only made Ellie realize she took notice of the sly grin, thus causing her to bury it away.

"Why'd... " Ellie started, then paused as she scrunched her face while letting out a frustrated breath.

"Why'd you fucking sneak up on me like that!? You scared the shit outta me!" she continued.

The woman pulled both knees up and rested her forearms atop them.

"Yeah... sorry - I... I guess I could've been a bit more... diplomatic," she replied.

"Gee - ya think?" Ellie sarcastically snapped.

"Look... I'm sorry. I'm on _your_ side. Trust me."

That word, _trust_ , irked every nerve in Ellie's body. She didn't trust a single person on the entire planet except for Joel. Each time she _thought_ she trusted someone, some devious, underhanded action always left her feeling hurt, damaged and _alone._ It was a constant behavior-enforcing pattern. The world had savagely _punished_ her psyche to the point that the concept, even the word itself, _trust_ , seemed foreign. However, as the logic-clouding adrenaline dissipated from her bloodstream, she realized trusting this woman would mean higher chances of getting back to her _purpose._

"We can help each other - we both want the same thing," the woman softly spoke.

Ellie continued to stare at her, hardly blinking an eye or moving a muscle as the barrel of the rifle remained fixated on her head.

"Do you - " the woman started, then paused to clear her throat.

"Think you could get that gun outta my face... please?"

 _Goddammit Ellie - you might regret this._

Ellie heaved a frustrated sigh.

"Fine," she said, dropping her arms and setting the rifle on the floor up against her leg.

She wouldn't dare let it get further than a few inches away and even kept a hand resting on its barrel.

"Okay - thank you. Now I can actually think straight... ya know - without nearly shitting my pants," the woman said with a slight snicker.

The sound of subtle laughter managed to pull a small, humorous grunt out of Ellie.

"What's your name?" she continued with a curious tilt of the head.

"Why?" Ellie sternly responded with a renewed glare.

"Okay, okay - I get it - you don't have to tell me - yet - or ever if you don't want. But umm... I'm Katelyn."

Katelyn stretched out an arm, presenting her hand in a display of good will.

Ellie cautiously lurched forward one of her own to meet it. Her limbs still shook from her body's increasing desire for sustenance and now that the tension between the two of them had waned, Katelyn took note.

"You're shaking like a bird - you... you okay?"

Ellie snatched her hand away and folded both arms against her chest, fervently attempting to hide any sign of weakness. But it didn't matter, she desperately needed to eat soon and her ravenous stomach was screaming like a banshee for food.

 _Holy. Fucking. Shit. I'm starving... oh my god!_

"Yeah, I'm - I'm fine. Just... really fucking hungry," Ellie responded, though annoyed at herself for giving in.

"Oh - well you won't believe what I found, I've got tons - "

"You have food!? Seriously!? Please tell me you're not joking!" Ellie blurted out in a frenzy as she excitedly peeled herself off of the wall and lunged forward.

"Woah - okay... calm down."

"No! Fuck you! I'm starving and I need to eat! I'm gonna pass out if I don't... literally! Please!" she stammered, the sound of desire behind each word increasing.

 _Great now you're practically begging._

"Okay, okay - yes I have food. At the rear of the store - there's a giant bookcase. Behind it was a door to what I guess was some kind of... bomb shelter or something. I dunno - guess whoever used to own this place was a loopy nut... but now they don't seem so crazy after all do they? Anyway - damn thing is still stocked with tons of non-perishables - seriously - help yourself. I'm hungry too now that you mention it."

 _What the - are you serious!? Shut the hell up! No fucking way! Yes! I guess we still have a little bit of a luck after all, don't we Joel!?_

"No! Uhh you... you go get it and come back. I'll wait right fucking here," Ellie said, straining to hold back the excitement that was ready to burst from every part of her.

"Fine - hope you're not picky though," Katelyn agreed with a shrug.

She pushed herself up and walked to the dark room which Ellie originally entered through. Within seconds of seeing her disappear into the darkness, Ellie darted both hands down to the floor and scrambled to pick up the rifle. She raised it, pointing it at the pitch-black doorway, awaiting Katelyn's return with half excitement and half angst-ridden paranoia.

 _Don't you be fucking with me right now, don't you dare fuck with me. Please don't let this be some sort of sick joke - c'mon, c'mon._

No more than a minute later, Katelyn waltzed back through the doorway with multiple cans of food in hand. Upon seeing Ellie again wielding the rifle and pointing it in her direction, she stopped and rolled her eyes as she let out a sigh of disappointment.

"Seriously? Really? Is that _really_ necessary now?" Katelyn asked, leering at the little girl who sat cross-legged against the wall and held a gun that looked to be nearly as big as she was.

 _Huh - well no shit. Alright then._

Ellie let loose another deep breath and once again lowered the rifle to the floor.

"Sorry - can't ever be too sure these days."

"Yeah... I guess not," Katelyn responded, renewing her strut back to Ellie.

Ellie crossed her arms and in a combination of ecstasy and desperation stared at the cans of food in Katelyn's hands. They couldn't arrive soon enough and her stomach unraveled an enormous growl.

The sound pulled a chuckle out of Katelyn.

"Jesus kid - the hell do you feed that thing?" she asked.

Ellie blushed and even managed a small smile.

"Umm... people!" she blurted out impulsively, unsure of what to say.

 _Wow. Smooth Ellie. Not funny considering the fucking circumstances... way to go._

Katelyn's smile withered and she ran a hand through her hair while lowering herself to the floor, in the same spot as before. Setting off the alarms of the small redhead that sat before her was far from her intention.

"What - are you some kind of... rational thinking Infected?" Katelyn finally responded with a hint of sarcasm.

Ellie twitched and grabbed for the sleeve on her right arm, stretching it as far down as it could go. She was petrified of it somehow rolling or scrunching up and exposing her secret.

"Yeah - sorry, that was... in poor taste... I guess?" she responded, her voice raising slightly as she unveiled a sliver of ability to connect with strangers.

"Eh - who am I to judge."

A small smile returned across Ellie's lips and her eyes immediately darted to the cans of food that sat in Katelyn's hands. Her stomach was shrieking and she could feel the cold sweat that seeped form her pores, a reaction of her body's craving for energy, lathering her skin. Eating was all she could think about and her vision narrowed onto the gifts of good fortune that now lay in front of Katelyn's shins. She couldn't tell if the woman was still talking. If she was, her voice was a mere, faint echo at most and nothing more.

"Well I took the liberty to open all four of 'em for us, we've got peaches and some - "

Before Katelyn could even finish, Ellie jolted forward and snatched away two cans of food.

 _Fuck! Yes! Fiiiiiiinaaaallly!_

Within seconds, she tilted the first can towards her lips and shoveled a massive handful of its contents into her mouth. Then, with a look of unabated surprise, she paused. She sat in in silence, looking utterly perplexed as her lips remained pressed together to keep the overflowing amount of food inside. She blinked in confusion, her cheeks bulging out on both sides while her tongue experienced this strange, new taste she'd yet to feed it.

 _Oh - Jesus - what the -_

Katelyn burst out laughing.

"Vut vuh hell is vis?" Ellie tried to speak with a mouthful.

Her eyes were as wide as the setting sun in the evening sky that glowed through the window behind her.

"You've never had Spaghettios before have you? Guess not - considering how young you look."

"Vuck it - von't care," Ellie said, her eyes never breaking their focus on the can in front of her mouth.

Not even a minute went by and she already consumed the entirety of the strange, small and round pasta. Blotches of red sauce spotted her cheeks around her lips and she unleashed a massive belch, causing Katelyn to twitch in surprise.

The woman had never been privy to a noise like the one the small, little girl just bellowed from her gut.

"Holy shit. You weren't kidding when you said you were hungry."

"Uh-huh," Ellie simply responded as she frantically searched for the second can of food, her eyes not once looking up from the item.

She was hypnotized, unable to fully acknowledge anything else around her. It was all that mattered in that moment. Putting food in her stomach meant one thing and the most important thing of all, she would regain the energy she needed to find Joel.

 _Hurry, hurry, hurry - c'mon - eat up! There's no fucking time to waste!_

This time, the more familiar flavor of peaches trickled over her taste buds and she again hastily shoveled every bite into her mouth. The meal, in which Katelyn originally thought would last for at least a few minutes, instead only survived a mere seconds.

Ellie wiped her mouth with a sleeve, smearing the remnants of the Spaghettio sauce across her cheeks. She dropped both hands, tilted her head back and let out a massive, elongated and exaggerated display of satisfaction.

"Aaaahhhhhhhhh... holy. Fuck. That... was _awesome,_ " she said, gazing up at the ceiling with a humongous, goofy grin.

Katelyn, sitting there stunned with her mouth agape at the sight, hadn't even taken her first bite yet. She cleared her throat and arched an eyebrow in a combination of shock and awe.

"What the - my god - holy shit kid," she finally said, they were the only words she could muster in that moment.

Ellie, with red sauce still covering her freckled cheeks, dropped her chin, causing her pony tail to bob in the setting sunlight. She met Katelyn's gaze and managed a small, impish smile.

Katelyn broke into another series of howling laughs at the sight, bringing a hand over her lips as she tried to refrain from embarrassing the little girl.

"Wha - what's so funny?" Ellie asked, suddenly feeling acutely self-conscious.

"It's... it's - " Katelyn tried to speak, but couldn't through her overpowering giggles.

"Seriously! Shut up! What the fuck's so funny!?"

"Okay, okay... okay - phew," Katelyn said, finishing with a deep breath as she collected herself.

"You just... you've got like - all of that Spaghettios' business up on your face right now," she finally said, struggling to hold back another snorting snicker.

In a frenzy, Ellie furiously and repeatedly wiped both sleeves across her cheeks, watching them collect more and more of the substance after each pass over.

 _Shit... yeah, yeah, yeah laugh it up._

"There - did I get all of it?" Ellie sharply asked, annoyed with the woman's playful tone.

"Yeah... okay - you're good now," Katelyn responded with a quick series of nods as she tried to refrain from unleashing another round of laughs.

"Sorry... I didn't mean to - I just... I haven't even taken a bite yet and you plowed through both of yours like they were nothing. You're a funny kid, how old are you?"

And as if she'd temporarily lowered her emotional defenses, Ellie parted her lips and nearly let the standard response roll off of her tongue. But she quickly caught herself and pulled away from another attempt by Katelyn to connect.

" _Why?_ " she pointedly responded.

"Alright, alright - that's fine. I get it," Katelyn said with a sigh as she crossed both arms.

An awkward minute of silence fell between them while Katelyn slowly ate her meal. Ellie sat across from her, anxiously fidgeting every few seconds as she waited for the woman to finish eating.

Now that she'd satisfied the raging hunger within her stomach, the only thing that populated each and every thought was Joel. Every second that went by seemed to cause the taunting voice in the back of her mind to speak louder. It tormented her, hissing in her ear as it tried to make her _forfeit_ and admit _defeat._

It had only been a few minutes since she finished eating, but impatience was already settling in. She _yearned_ to find him. She had to.

 _C'mon, c'mon - hurry the fuck up you slow poke._

Katelyn, clearly taking her time, gently set down her can of Spaghettios onto the floor and took a deep breath.

Ellie snorted in annoyance and jumped to her feet, frustrated with the woman's lack of urgency. She swooped an arm down to pick up the rifle and in a matter of seconds was already storming towards the front door.

"Hey, hey, hey! Wait! What the - where are you going!?" Katelyn shouted.

Ellie stopped and turned around, glaring at her with an intimidating stare.

 _Where the fuck do you think I'm going?_

"To find him - where the fuck else? You obviously don't seem to care - taking your sweet ass time here. Thanks for the food and all but - bye-bye dude," she responded with a roll of the eyes.

Katelyn lunged forward and reached for Ellie's small hand. Her sudden movement startled the little girl, causing her to jolt backwards and rip it away.

"Just... wait! Please! They're gonna kill you! Just let me finish eating and I'll explain everything, I promise. Now that there's two of us, I have a plan. Please just hear me out - what's another five minutes?"

 _It's another five minutes I'm not with him._

"Auuuugggghh - oh my god - okay fine," Ellie reluctantly said as she heaved another sigh of frustration and impatience.

"You better hurry though - don't have all fucking day," she continued, lowering herself back to the floor.

"Alright, alright - man, you're pushy kid."

"Pssht - you haven't seen shit yet," Ellie bluntly responded.

A small smirk appeared over Katelyn's lips and she let out a muffled snicker.

"Guess not," she said.

As Katelyn finished eating, this time making an effort to be hasty, Ellie sat cross-legged with her chin propped up on a palm, fiddling with her switchblade in her other hand. For minutes, while absentmindedly staring at the floor, she popped the blade in and out of its holster, twirled it around her fingers and spun it across her palm. Like she was born with the natural ability to nimbly handle it. All the while feeling the watchful eyes of Katelyn taking note of each of her motions, sounds and sudden twitches from the growing level of impatience that was visibly noticeable.

"I wanna go home," she accidentally muttered with a sigh, thinking she kept it locked away in her head.

"Where's home?" Katelyn asked, hearing Ellie's words.

The realization that she'd been caught caused Ellie to jerk her head up and clear her throat, feeling as if Katelyn somehow broke into her thoughts uninvited.

 _Joel._

"Oh - shit... umm - nowhere," she lied.

"Uh-huh, alright," Katelyn replied unconvinced.

Ellie snapped her switchblade into its holster and glared back at her, not amused by her response.

"Are you done yet?" she asked with a sharp tone.

"Almost - one more bite."

Katelyn shoveled the last, large clump of peaches into her mouth.

"Okay - now I'm vone," she tried to say with a mouthful of her own.

"About damn time - my god."

"Not everyone inhales their food like damn Shop-Vac - hush child," Katelyn responded.

A perplexed look washed across Ellie's face.

"A what now? What the fuck's a Shop... whatever the hell you just said?" she asked.

Katelyn laughed as she wiped her mouth with a sleeve.

"Right... figures - never mind, it doesn't matter."

"Okay - great, now c'mon, let's do this - time's wasting!" Ellie snapped as she rose to her feet once more.

Katelyn reached out and gently pulled her back down.

"Wait, wait, wait - just wait. Would you please fucking wait and listen to me for one minute?" Katelyn asked, this time finally showing a degree of stern confidence.

 _Don't wait - Joel needs you - go find him. But... gah - ugh... maybe she will be of help. Just listen to her Ellie._

"Fine."

"Thank you - Jesus," Katelyn said with a roll of the eyes.

"Pfft - whatever," Ellie said, again crossing her arms.

"Look, I know where they're holding them - my husband and your... whoever he was."

 _My only reason for fucking living. At least she apparently knows where._

"They're in what used to be the city hall - that's where they all shack up," Katelyn continued.

"Alright, is it far?"

"No - less than a mile and a few blocks that way... there's only about nine of 'em or so... I think."

Ellie furrowed her brow in skepticism.

"How the hell do you know that?" she asked pointedly.

"I just do. I had... let's just say a massive stroke of luck when I found this place - with the bomb shelter and all. It hadn't been cleaned out, so I've been hiding here ever since. I watch them go by - on the road out there - everyday. I've counted each time and I only come up with nine," Katelyn pressed on as she pointed out the window.

Ellie sighed and adjusted her pony tail.

"Hope you're right."

"Yeah - well, I think there used to be ten, but I remember watching one of the younger guys playing with his pistol and umm... ya know - shooting himself in the face like a moron," Katelyn continued.

Her blunt delivery of the morbid description pulled a smile across Ellie's cheeks and even a small laugh.

"Hah... that's awesome. Fucking dumb ass," she said through a series of chuckles.

"Yep," Katelyn said with pride, happy that she evoked a smile and laugh from the little girl.

She cleared her throat then continued.

"But, early in the morning - around sunrise - four of 'em head outta own on a big ass truck. I know because I hear the damn thing every time it goes by - wakes me up without fail."

"Really? Huh - alright, how long are they gone?" Ellie said.

"Well... it's never always the same - but usually an hour or two."

"Hmm - okay."

"Yep - and that's... that's our window. I've been planning this for an entire week now and you couldn't have arrived at a better time. You seem like you can handle yourself so now I've got more firepower! You can help - I mean -" she paused and ran a hand through her hair.

"You'll - you'll help right? We're both looking for the same thing... I think... right?" she finished, a look of desperation across her face.

 _No shit. I'll do it myself if I have to - I'm not leaving him._

"Duh."

Katelyn smiled.

"Good."

Then suddenly, a realization hit Ellie like a ton of bricks. She knew what Katelyn was implying, and that was to wait until dawn of the next morning to execute their attack plan. It meant spending an entire night _without_ Joel, the one thing that gave her the necessary peace, comfort and warmth to sleep soundly. Moreover, the thought of even _trying_ to fall asleep while knowing he was in the captivity of cruel Hunters seemed impossible.

She heaved a sigh and bit her lip.

"So we have to wait?" she asked, pain and reluctance behind every word.

"Yes - we have to. It's the only way. Come sunrise, we do it."

 _Fuck. This is gonna be one long, stupid night._

"Alright - this better fucking work."

"It'll work... it has to work."

* * *

"So old man - where the fuck is she? We all saw that tasty, little treat with you - no point in lyin' to us. C'mon, give it up."

Joel sat in a chair, hands tied behind his back and feet bound together with blood dripping from his lips. He was bound and trapped in a dimly lit room with three Hunters standing before him. To his left sat another man, who appeared to be only a few years younger than him, tied in a chair as well. He looked frail, hungry and thirsty as could be and was only barely able to lift his head to observe the spectacle of Joel's interrogation. The look in his eyes, in a strange way, emitted a sense of relief, now knowing he wasn't the only prisoner in captivity of the Hunters.

Joel's ribs and chest ached from being repeatedly kicked by his captors. The feverish symptoms that plagued him hours ago were only beginning to wane but he remained shivering and feeling like _death._ Sweat continued to seep from his pores, covering his skin in a slimy, clammy film. The vomiting had ceased, but his stomach still felt queasy and the thought of food, even water, made him feel sicker.

But he had to hang on. Despite feeling utterly desperate and hopeless in this moment, he had to _fight._ He had to get out. He needed to escape. Ellie, his little girl and _purpose,_ needed him to find her. An unexpected and cruel ending of his life would only mean one thing for her.

And he knew it.

"I said where!" the Hunter screamed, smacking Joel in the face.

His head spun to the left and he spat out a gelatinous ball of blood and spit onto the floor.

"Fuck you," he barked back.

The Hunter dropped his head and heaved a sigh. They'd been at this for almost an hour and their prisoner refused to budge. He turned his head and spoke to one of his cronies.

"Stubborn this one is huh?"

"Sure is."

Joel gritted his teeth in anger, leering at the three men with seething hatred shooting from his eyes.

 _The things I'd do to you fuckin' pieces of shit._

"Let's try this again. That little girl of yours - where is she!?" the lead Hunter asked, his voice rising in volume as his frustration began to show.

"Ain't tellin' you shit asshole," Joel bluntly responded.

To Joel's surprise, another Hunter strutted into the room holding a bucket filled with cold water. He walked over to Joel and in one motion turned it upside down over his head, dumping the freezing, cold liquid over him.

It hurt. It stung. It rattled his every nerve as the ice-cold water flowed down his head, matting his hair and dripping onto his shoulders, arms and legs. But it felt _good._ And it temporarily pushed aside the harrowing discomfort of his ailing body.

"What the - what in god's name are you doin'!?" the lead Hunter spat.

The young man who dumped the bucket of water over Joel's head took a step back and tossed it aside.

"He... he wasn't talkin' so I figured ya know - "

"He ain't unconscious or asleep you fuckin' dumb ass! Jesus - the hell you doin' wastin' water like that? Goddammit Ricky - get the fuck outta here before I smack the shit outta you."

"But I thought - "

"No, you didn't think, that's the goddamn problem - you ain't usin' your fuckin' head like we talked about! Go on - scat!"

Ricky sighed.

"Fine - fuck this," he said, waving a hand in the air behind him as he walked out.

"Damn young ones man... I tell ya - shit," the lead Hunter said.

His other two men snickered to themselves, seemingly finding enjoyment out of the entire ordeal.

As the three Hunters talked among themselves, Joel retreated into his own head, his mind and thoughts eventually centering around one thing and one thing only.

 _Goddammit - fuckin'... she's out there - alone. I know the girl can handle herself but shit - she's out lookin' for me. Hope she found somethin' to eat... fuck - what if she's passed out somewhere? Shit! No... she found food. I know she did - she had to. Think positive for once you pessimistic ass. Fuckin' hell... I know you're out there tryin' to find me Ellie - be smart about it girl - please baby._

He fidgeted in his seat in anger, drawing the ire of the three Hunters.

The one who was heading the interrogation punched him in the jaw again, causing him to let out a pain filled grunt.

"You're a fucking waste of life you know that?" Joel hissed, snarling at the man as he slowly brought his head back around.

 _Ironic comin' from you._

"Depends on your perspective - now where were we... right! That girl of yours - still ain't gonna talk?"

Joel simply stared at him, breathing heavily and gritting his teeth. He imagined what he would do to this man if he even laid a finger on Ellie, his little girl. Thinking of him even picking up a fallen strand of her hair filled him with protective rage, vexation and wrath. Picturing the Hunters' demise was the only thing bringing him solace in this moment of helplessness.

"Stopped speakin' entirely huh? How about now!?" the Hunter yelled, punching him in the jaw once again, this time with more force.

Sill, he remained vigilant. He wouldn't _dare_ give up his little girl and _purpose._

"C'mon Greg - we've been at this for a fucking hour now. Piece of shit's not gonna talk - wait until tomorrow when he's thirsty and starving - then we'll see what's up," the Hunter to Joel's left said.

Greg sighed and rested a hand on Joel's shoulder.

"Fine."

His gaze returned to Joel's eyes.

"But tomorrow - you don't tell me where that little treat of yours ran off to - I'm'a start cuttin' things off - things you really don't want me goin' near. Understand?"

Joel ground his molars, to the point of cracking them as he glowered at the three men. The grinding of his teeth could be heard from anywhere within the room. Then, without hesitation he spat in Greg's face.

Greg jolted backwards and wiped his cheek with a sleeve.

"You'll regret that tomorrow - I swear it - scouts honor. And by the way - when we find her, and believe me, we'll find her - I'm _makin'_ you watch."

 _I swear to god I'm gonna... you - FUCK!_

Greg's words nearly crumbled him into a pile of tiny pebbles. They only reminded him of his nightmare, and the rage that was stewing inside of him pounded behind his rib cage, screaming to be let free. All he could think about was beating the man to a pulp and hanging him by his entrails. He hated _everything_ in this moment, everything but Ellie, of course. He even hated himself, feeling somehow responsible for getting sick.

As Greg and his two cronies made their way out, Joel closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Suddenly, as his mind shifted from the interrogation back to his malady, he felt his body warming up. The cold sweat that once encased his skin, started to dry and the feverish shivers and shakes ceased. He was no longer freezing and instead felt unbearably hot. He wanted to peel off all of his clothes and jump into a tub of ice, an ironic and stark contrast to how he felt mere hours ago. His head no longer hurt and the sickly ache in his muscles was quickly dissipating. The worst of the fever passed and it was finally, mercifully, breaking.

 _Thank you god - reckon that shit was gettin' real old real fast. C'mon Ellie - I know you're out there - c'mon baby girl. Please don't let harm come to her, please, please, please. We need ya here Ellie - more than ever._

* * *

"Uuuuuggghhhh - is it morning yet!?" Ellie shouted with a groan as she lay on her back, staring up at the ceiling.

Katelyn sat against the wall, cleaning her pistol and taking stock of their ammo and supplies.

"Nope - at least another ten hours... at _least._ "

Ellie blew a raspberry then hoisted herself up, resting on her elbows.

"Let's go now - c'mon - we can take 'em. I'm a pretty fucking awesome shot I'll have you know."

Katelyn gave her a sideways glance with a smirk, hardly acknowledging the plead as she cleaned the barrel of her pistol.

Ellie rose to her feet and began anxiously pacing.

 _What if we're taking too long. Is he still that fucking sick? We have to go - I have to find him. I can't wait around like this. What if... what if he's gone... no, stop! Don't say that! You're gonna find him, you will. You have to._

"You know - you might wanna sit down and conserve some energy. Pacing back and forth - looking like a weirdo - isn't gonna help," Katelyn said, this time acknowledging Ellie's neurotic behavior.

Katelyn watched the little girl anxiously pace around the room, completely ignoring her advice. It were as if in this moment she didn't exist and she only heard Ellie softly mumbling to herself, the words barely audible. All she could make out was the constant repetition of a name, Joel, mutterings of the statement 'I'm coming' and zealous, desperate pleads to _someone_ , she didn't even know who.

"Who - who are you talking to?" Katelyn finally asked, hoping to rope the little, auburn haired girl out of her high-strung state.

Ellie's pacing temporarily ceased and she perked her head up.

"Huh? Oh - no one... whoever's listening I guess," she replied with a light shake of the head before resuming her frantic pacing.

Her heart started to race. The more she thought about the Hunters carrying Joel down the road and away from _her,_ the more tense and nervous she got. Each second that went by felt like a second wasted and every fiber of her being was tempted to dart through the door, throwing all caution and Katelyn's plans to the wind.

Joel, her reason for living and most important thing in the _universe,_ called to her. The thoughts usurped her mind, to the point where she felt she was no longer in control.

 _Please be there tomorrow... alive - please, please, please. I don't know what I would do if... oh god._

"He's okay, he's okay - you're gonna find him - you'll be home soon," Ellie whispered to herself, again absentmindedly letting her thoughts audibly slip through the barrier of her lips.

She brought a hand to her mouth and began nervously biting her fingernails while continuing to pace.

 _Fuuuucccckkk! C'mon! This is taking way too long! Why won't morning just get here already!_

"How much longer!? Until morning!?" she stammered, making eye contact with Katelyn for the first time in hours.

She nearly forgot the woman was even present.

"Are... are you serious?"

"Yes I'm serious!"

"Jesus... alright, alright. Well - it's only been about fifteen minutes since I last told you... soooo I guess nine hours and forty five minutes?" Katelyn responded with an antagonizing tone yet confused expression.

Seeing Ellie's behavior and watching her lose her composure, was showing Katelyn just how _important_ the man she witnessed being carried off was to this little girl.

Ellie uncorked another exasperated groan and plopped back down on the floor, flopping herself against the wall like a limp, rag-doll.

"There we are - all done - should be good - we got plenty of rounds," Katelyn said, sliding a magazine of ammo into her pistol.

Ellie tilted her head towards Katelyn, letting the back of it roll against the wall as a slight frown fell across her lips.

"This blows," she bluntly said.

Katelyn snickered.

"Tssht - you've been here for only a few hours - try being here for a week then come talk to me."

 _Wow - I don't even wanna think about that. Fuck. That._

Ellie sighed and brought both hands to her face, wallowing in the absence of her _purpose._

Katelyn stood up and cautiously walked over to sit next to her. It was the closest she'd gotten to her yet.

"Look, just... try and get some sleep. We're gonna need the rest and it will make this... ya know - go by quicker," Katelyn said, gently patting Ellie on the shoulder.

Ellie flinched from the contact and darted her head around, only to find Katelyn sitting adjacent to her with a hand on her shoulder. Annoyed with herself for letting the woman get so close, she wrinkled her nose, but also enjoyed the company at the same time. Without voicing a response, she simply drooped her head and stared at the ground, letting out a small sniffle in the process. And for the first time since meeting, Katelyn witnessed a sliver of vulnerability from the little girl.

"It's gonna be fine... it will - it has to be. I miss my husband to death and this can't - " she paused, forcing herself to prevent her eyes from welling with tears.

"This can't be the end. It just can't be," she finished.

Ellie sniffled again and wiped both eyes, doing her best to hide their crystallizing glaze.

"Your husband - what's his name?" she softly asked, her empty yet focused stare never leaving the floor.

Katelyn smiled, hearing the first fragment of compassion from this little girl who'd become her only point of human contact for over a week.

"Blake. We met years ago - before everything went to hell. I... I love him more than anything."

A small smile peeled back the frown that was across Ellie's face.

 _I know what you mean._

"Joel," she peeped.

"What?" Katelyn asked, squinting her eyes as she strained to hear Ellie's words.

"His name - it's Joel," Ellie replied, again wiping her cheek with a sleeve as she stared at the floor between her knees.

Katelyn let out a small, light laugh.

"I know."

"Huh?" Ellie immediately replied, turning her head towards the woman.

"Well... I just sorta figured - I mean, you've said his name like... a thousand times already."

 _Shit - didn't even notice._

"Pssht - nuh-uh, no I haven't... whatever," Ellie said, trying to act aloof.

Not wanting to press further and step over her bounds, Katelyn let out a deep breath and rose to her feet once more.

"Alright, well - think I'm gonna lie down and catch some Z's. You should too, gonna need the rest," she said.

 _Couldn't fall asleep even if I wanted to._

"Tssht - yeah we'll see."

Katelyn slowly walked away to the rear room, glancing over her shoulder every other step to see if Ellie would follow suit and drift off to sleep like she said. But, upon pulling a blanket over herself, the redheaded girl remained on the floor, staring out the window into the twilight sky.

Seconds turned into minutes, which then phased into hours as Ellie, anxious, nervous and queasy as could be, sat on the floor of the store, staring into the night sky. She painstakingly watched the moon crawl along its path in the star speckled, dark, velvety blanket that towered above her. She never once tried to fall asleep, she _couldn't_ fall asleep even if she happened to be dying from exhaustion.

An unknown number of hours passed, she was completely oblivious to the current time and only knew that the moon shifted a few more inches to the left since the last time she looked.

Dawn, morning, the sunrise, _Joel,_ it was all she could think about. It was all she _wanted._

She reached into her rear pocket and pulled out the picture that Maria took of them on her birthday in July. She unfolded it and gently rubbed a finger over its surface, hoping she could somehow _feel_ the texture of his hair through the wrinkled photo. Seeing it again sent a tickle of warmth through her, but also caused her heartache. Looking at the massive grins across both of their cheeks, while she was propped up on his back and resting her chin on his shoulder, formed a shallow pool of tears in her eyes.

She stared at it for minutes, the moonlight illuminating it just enough. In this moment, the moon, night sky and photo were the only points of interest. The silent, lonesome hours of the late, late night or early, early morning she didn't even know, felt _crushing._ She missed him, _dearly._ Being separated from him for so long only reminded her of how _dependent_ on him she was.

 _She was right - this can't be the end. After everything we've been through - that we've done - that I've done - this can't be it. I'm gonna find you. I have to._

She felt the tears from her eyes trickle down her cheeks as she stared deeply into the picture, fondly remembering that day with him, Tommy and Maria. It reminded her that _home_ was no longer Jackson. _Home_ merely resided in the same location as her _purpose_ , where ever he was. _He_ was her home.

She lifted her head, propping her chin on a palm as she pulled her gaze back into night sky and heaved a sigh.

"I'm coming - hang in there," she whispered to herself.

Then, she felt another gentle touch on her shoulder coupled with the newly familiar voice of Katelyn. This time, the woman only startled her slightly and her tense muscles vibrated in unison with a small twitch.

"Can't sleep?" Katelyn softly asked.

Ellie sighed again and looked back down at the photo.

"Haven't even tried," she muttered.

Katelyn sat down next to her and stole a peak at the picture.

"Don't you think you should at least... try? You look beat - exhausted," she continued.

Ellie remained focused on the photo, gently gliding a small finger over its surface and around its edges.

"I can't... knowing he's... ugh - out there," she softly and reluctantly said.

It was another sliver of vulnerability slipping through the cracks of her hardened, defensive shell. Though, in this moment she was too tired and cared too little to hold it back.

Katelyn brought both knees into her chest and wrapped her arms around them then shifted closer to Ellie.

"That him?" she asked, peering over Ellie's shoulder and nodding towards the photo.

Ellie cracked a sheepish smile.

"Yeah - he's... he's my dad," she said with a sniffle.

"Adorable picture - when and where?"

Ellie wiped her eyes.

"Late July - was my birthday," she said, pausing before revealing the _where._

Katelyn let it slide, accepting the guarded, little girl's half-response as a small, moment of victory.

"He do something special for you?"

Ellie smiled and let out a light, airy peep of a snicker.

"Yeah - yeah he did. It was awesome."

 _First real birthday I ever fucking had. Uuuuuggghhhh - god I miss you... I don't know how much longer I can just sit here and wait._

"Well - he loves you very much. I can tell just by the smile on his face and that picture there. I'm sure he's a wonderful dad."

Ellie's lips trembled and she couldn't help but unleash a pained whimper, no matter how hard she tried to hold it back.

"Yeah," was all she could say with a slight nod of the head.

Katelyn joined Ellie in gazing at the moon before continuing.

"You know... I know what it's like," she said.

"Know what's like?" Ellie asked with a furrowed brow, her gaze never leaving the glowing, blue orb that brightly shined in the sky.

"To love something... more than life itself. Blake... he's - he's the only thing that makes this shitty world worth living in."

Ellie awkwardly fidgeted and adjusted her posture, feeling as if this woman, who she barely knew, already could see through her. Like she was actually witnessing the cord, that tied her and Joel at the hip, becoming more and more taught. It were as if she could see the pain and torture that being _torn_ away from him was inflicting on her.

"Huh?" she finally peeped.

"It's obvious - how important he is to you - how much you love him. It's written all _over_ you."

The tiniest of grins took shape across Ellie's lips, feeling embarrassed but also, in the strangest of ways, _good,_ that the bond she'd formed with Joel was so strong, other's could sense it even if he wasn't nearby.

 _Are you that shitty at hiding it Ellie? Guess you are... I mean - you were sitting here in the dark, by yourself, when you're supposed to be sleeping, staring at the moon and counting down the seconds until dawn like a psycho. Oh well - fuck it, I don't care one bit._

"Yeah, I... I can't... I can't live without him," she quietly said, unwilling to restrain the words from escaping her lips.

It felt strange to admit it out loud to a stranger, but also oddly relieving.

"I know. He's your reason to fight."

That word, _fight,_ struck a chord within her and she felt a renewed sense of strength. She thought, for just a second, that Riley had temporarily seized control of Katelyn's body and was providing her with the support and motivation she so desperately needed in this moment of dire hopelessness.

He was her reason to fight, like she'd been for him all this time. She wasn't going to lose her _purpose_ again. She refused to lose that which mattered most.

She glanced back down at the photo and smiled.

 _I'm coming - just a few more hours. I will not fucking lose you._

* * *

 **AN: Okay, sorry for another cliffhanger (sort of). *ducks and hides* I didn't mean to, really! When I wrote this chapter, it quickly spiraled into 8,600 words or whatever... so I figured this was another good stopping point.**

 **What is Ellie going to do if/when their reunification happens? This chapter was a bit tricky to write, but it was also interesting because we get to see the level of attachment and reliance that these two have on each other from a different perspective, IE: being separated. As I said in chapter one: codependency, like... big time.**


	12. Twin Falls - III

**AN: Okay, sorry for the longer than normal wait on that cliffhanger, but this one got... long, like, 10,000+ words long. I don't know what got into me, I got carried away - it all happened so fast! So, this is the longest chapter I've written in any of my stories, parts one, two and three included. I hope ya'll won't mind. Anyway, sorry for the cliffhanger again, but umm... I hope this makes it worth it.**

 **I couldn't wait to write this chapter, seriously. I hope it makes up for the two consecutive cliffhangers.**

 **Enjoy.**

* * *

It was dawn. The morning sun was barely peeking over the crest of the eastern horizon. Shards of its light only beginning to bathe the town of Twin Falls. A brisk, early winter chill filled the air, nearly numbing the fingers of everyone in the area and reminding them that the harshest of seasons was well underway.

During the long night, Ellie never once managed to sleep. She sat on the floor of the store, staring at the moon and counting down the seconds until seeing the faintest of orange glows in the morning sky. The entire previous night felt as if it dragged on. Like time itself purposefully slowed to a crawl to taunt her, knowing she was waiting to see the crest of the morning sun. It was the _longest_ night she experienced since latching onto Joel over a year ago in Boston. And she prayed the truck with the four Hunters would drive by sooner rather than later.

Upon hearing the roar of its engine rumble down the street, her eyes widened and she immediately jumped to her feet, almost shaking from the excitement. Despite her exhausted and weary, tired, little body, she was bouncing off of the walls. Frantically shoving Katelyn awake and pestering her every second that went by in which the woman wasn't packed and ready. She was like a little kid on Christmas morning, eager to savagely tear open the gifts that awaited her under the tree.

She couldn't wait any longer. While tensely waiting for Katelyn to get ready, her mind's eye settled on the image of him, tied and bound in some way and being cruelly tortured by Hunters. She imagined the worst and the closer Katelyn was to finishing, the more her stomach tingled with nervous and uncontrollable excitement.

She had to be back with _him._ Eating, sleeping, _living_ seemed impossible if their separation persisted past the painfully slow twelve hours that already went by. She was ready to _kill_ anything in her path to finally reach him. As he _always_ was for her.

Ellie and Katelyn were sneaking their way towards what used to be city hall for the town. Ellie, only barely restraining the urge to simply sprint down every road like a maniac until finding their destination, remained one step ahead of the woman. Though she had no idea where they were going. Her fingers had a death grip on her rifle. The whites of her knuckles had gone numb from the frigid, morning air but she didn't notice. No amount of pain, tiredness or discomfort was going to stop her, even if she bordered on collapsing from lack of sleep and exhaustion.

Katelyn, wielding her pistol, followed closely behind but was taken aback by how energetic and overflowing with angst and excitement the little girl was.

"Holy shit kid - it's so early. What the fuck - how in the hell do you have this much energy? You didn't sleep for a second!" Katelyn spat through a whisper, still feeling groggy from awaking no more than half an hour ago.

Normally, she would rise at a leisurely pace on her own accord. That of course wasn't an option when the fidgeting and nagging, auburn haired girl shook her awake and repeatedly badgered her until she was ready to go.

Ellie didn't stop and simply shot a glance over her shoulder to respond.

"Shh! C'mon, c'mon, c'mon - less talking - more running!" she stammered.

"I'm not fucking running - it's too damn early - will you just... ugh - take a pill or something and relax - my god. And keep your voice down! Please? Jesus," Katelyn said through another irritated whisper.

 _Ugggghhh - my god you're so slow - fuck!_

"Okay!" Ellie replied, mocking Katelyn's whispering and hushed tone.

"Just fucking keep up!" she continued.

"I am!"

They rounded a corner and found themselves on a street a few blocks away from the main drag. Towering brick buildings lined each side and the asphalt of the road was lightly covered in a thin layer of overgrowth and vegetation. Unlike the other streets in town, which had long been completely overtaken by mother nature. Tire tracks, leading straight towards a unique looking structure no more than a hundred yards away, left a distinct trail through the sparse overgrowth. A sure sign that the truck Katelyn had mentioned, did indeed frequently travel along the route that lay before them.

"Okay, hold up - hold up," she whispered, tugging on Ellie's arm.

They darted to the sidewalk and hid behind an old concrete median that once divided the local highway before the outbreak.

Ellie took a deep breath, feeling her heart pounding away behind her chest. Joel, her salvation and _purpose_ was so close. She could feel his presence getting nearer. As if the metaphysical bond between them emitted an invisible, indescribable force that only they could sense. She couldn't keep her hands from shaking with fear, angst, excitement and possibly a thousand other emotions, she wasn't even sure at this point and watched each of her breaths leave a lingering fog in the cold, early morning air.

"You're shaking. You sure you can handle this?" Katelyn asked, still keeping her voice at a hush.

Ellie, frustrated she let her emotions slip through the cracks of her defenses, snapped her head around to face her.

"Yes! You don't have to fucking worry about me. Just... let's go c'mon - what's the plan!?" she responded.

 _Dammit, she's right though. Make them stop Ellie - make them stop shaking. They have to - you're gonna need them... make them fucking stop. Do it!_

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, making every effort to focus her mind and calm her body. Gradually, the tension slithered out of her muscles and her heartbeat and breathing slowed, but only barely, to a manageable rate.

 _Holy shit - I'm fucking tired. This better work - I don't know how much longer I can go. No - shut up! Don't say that! Joel needs you! No sleep until you find his ass! Not like you could anyway - you'd die before falling asleep and you know it. Wow, that was morbid Ellie, way to go... stop! Focus you!_

"You good?" Katelyn asked.

"I told you I'm fine! What're we doing here - what's the plan?"

"Okay - I only see one of those bastards standing guard - outside the door against the wall - see him?"

Ellie propped the barrel of her rifle on the median and peered down the scope, scanning the area as quickly as she could.

"Yeah I see him - motherfucker," she muttered under her breath.

"The rest must be inside - might be asleep too - it's still early."

Ellie blew a raspberry, getting more and more impatient by the second then heaved a sigh.

 _Stay calm - don't do anything stupid and rush this - you'll find him. Just stay cool - these assholes have nothing on you - you got this._

"Yeah - yeah alright - what's the plan?" she asked in a more subdued tone.

Katelyn peered over the median again, pistol in hand as Ellie watched the gears turn and grind in the woman's head.

"Why don't I just blast that fucker away? I can hit his ass from here - seriously," she continued.

Her anxious, _desperate_ and yearning state to reach Joel was clouding her Judgement.

"No! I mean - I'm sure you can but - "

"But what!?" Ellie hissed.

"Let's see if we can lure a few more out - then you knock 'em dead one by one - fast - think you can handle that?" Katelyn suggested.

 _Huh - didn't think about that. That's actually a good idea. You're not totally useless after all._

Ellie bit her lower lip and adjusted her posture, shifting her weight to her other knee as the two of them remained crouched behind the median.

"Okay, fine, great - but... how? They're not just gonna walk out here like a bunch of fucking morons."

Katelyn, even in this moment that preceded a life or death sequence of events, snickered in reaction to the little girl's choice of words and tone.

"I have an idea. Just get ready - you'll know when to shoot," she said, cautiously rising to her feet.

Ellie jolted forward, lunging for her hand and tried to pull her back.

"What the - no! What the fuck are you doing!?" she stammered through a whisper.

"You'll know when to shoot! Just trust me! They aren't gonna kill me right away - I'm a woman - I know what they want. I'm gonna lure 'em out."

Katelyn pulled her hand away and slid her pistol in between the waistband of her jeans and the small of her back, then walked into the middle of the road. She approached the building which housed the Hunters.

 _Jesus - what the - are you out of your mind!? What the fuck ever - just... do what she said - get ready._

Ellie rested the barrel of her rifle on the narrow surface of the median and brought the butt against her shoulder. She lurched her finger towards the trigger, leaving it steadily hovered over the small, metal lever that within seconds of pulling it would take a life. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath then peered down the scope. Keeping the cross-hairs locked onto the head of the Hunter who stood guard at the doorway.

Katelyn's oncoming figure was spotted by the man and he lunged forward in surprise then cautiously made his way down the steps onto the street.

"Oh thank god! Help! Please! I need help! There's Infected coming! I've been searching for help - please! " Katelyn began to shout, feigning a sense of panic behind her voice.

The Hunter stopped, turned around and yelled over his shoulder through the door, his voice too faint for Ellie to hear. Within seconds, two more of them scampered through the entrance, joining the first one on either side. All three of them immediately jogged towards Katelyn, weapons in hand.

 _Ohhhh - I get it. Clever - you are useful. Those fuckers are thinking with the wrong head... hehe that was funny Ellie - good one - must be getting loopy from lack of sleep. Stop! Focus dammit!_

"Please... please help," Katelyn said through a series of fake, panted breaths as she now stood mere feet from the three men.

"Well goddamn - look at what we got here," one of the Hunters said, reaching for Katelyn's arm as another let loose an admiring whistle.

Two of them wielded firearms, one a pistol and the other a rifle. The third held a baseball bat, gently tapping the blunt end against the palm of his hand while the three men formed a semi-circle around Katelyn.

 _Steady Ellie - steady. An inch to the left and you'll blow her fucking brains out. Take another breath, you got this - you're pro at this shit now._

She pulled the trigger.

The thundering crack of the rifle rippled down the street. The sound waves bouncing and ricocheting off of the buildings that surrounded her. And within milliseconds, the Hunter holding a rifle dropped to the ground as the massive round cored into his skull. Blood sprayed from the back of his head through the exit wound, sending drops of the red liquid onto the shoes of the two remaining Hunters.

"Piece of shit," Ellie spat under her breath.

"Oh fuck! Shit! What the hell!?" the Hunter with a pistol shouted.

Before he had a chance to react, Katelyn yanked her pistol out from the waistband of her jeans and rapidly fired three rounds into the man's chest.

 _Pop - pop - pop!_

He fell to the ground, clutching his abdomen as blood coursed down his palms and through the cracks of his knuckles.

"Fuck! Fuck! Where's - shit - Greg! Greg!" the third hunter shouted while sprinting back towards the entrance of his hideout.

He wasn't far, getting closer and closer to safety with each second.

Ellie peered down the scope again, tracing, but more _guiding_ his path with the cross-hairs in the scope.

He reached the first step, spouting profanity laced shouts as he screamed to alert his companions.

 _Now! Do it!_

She pulled the trigger again. Sending the familiar sound of death that echoed from her rifle down the street once more. It felt as if the earth stopped spinning and everything around her came to a stand still. She tunnel visioned onto the man running for his life, impatiently waiting for the bullet to reach its destination.

Finally, it happened.

A large spray of blood shot from his back as he flung forward, falling onto the concrete steps and smashing his face in the process.

"Motherfucker," she snapped.

Katelyn turned around and motioned for her to move up as she hid behind another concrete median that resided much closer to the building.

 _C'mon Ellie - go, go, go - move it! Now!_

She took another deep breath and bolted down the street, reaching a full sprint as she ran for the next point of cover with Katelyn, who kept her pistol trained on the doorway, ready to provide covering fire if needed.

Her heart was pounding. Breathing itself felt like a struggle and frivolous expense of energy and the only thing keeping her upright, functioning and even _awake,_ was the adrenaline flowing through her bloodstream and the knowledge that Joel, her _purpose_ , was so, very, very close. She could feel it. She could somehow sense his presence getting nearer and nearer.

"Damn kid - you weren't kidding. You are a good shot," Katelyn whispered to Ellie through panted breaths of her own.

Ellie snorted.

"Told you," she replied with austerity.

"Two more right?" she asked.

"Mmhmm - in theory. Saw one of 'em sidle up against the wall - just past the doorway there," Katelyn responded with a gulp and a nod.

Ellie again settled into a firing position, resting the barrel of her rifle atop the narrow surface of the concrete median.

"Well - he peeks his head out - it's fucking gone," she said as she gazed down the scope.

* * *

"I told ya I was gonna start cuttin' things off and I'm a man of my word. Where should we start?" Greg said, sharpening his machete against a stone as he strutted towards Joel.

Joel remained in the chair, hands and feet bound while he sat as a prisoner in a barely lit room. The morning sunlight had only begun to trickle through the windows, illuminating Greg's face just enough as he watched the man approach him from across the room. The other prisoner was sleeping, unconscious or dead, he didn't know which.

 _Goddammit - do somethin' Joel - do somethin - shit!_

Greg pressed the tip of the blade against his thigh and looked him in the eyes as he grabbed his thumb.

"At least the good lord was kind enough to give ya two of these, right?"

Suddenly, a loud, thunderous gunshot echoed into the building from outside. The booming sound was quickly followed by frantic shouting and screaming and three more rapidly fired gunshots.

 _Ellie? That you girl? I swear to god if I find as much as a scratch on her..._

Greg dropped his head and let out an angry groan of frustration.

"Goddammit! Josh! Go fucking check it out will you!" he barked, turning his head over his shoulder.

Without saying a word, Josh pulled back the firing pin on his rifle and jogged out of the room to investigate.

Greg turned back around.

"Those your friends asshole?" he sneered at Joel, striking him in the face with a fist as he spoke.

The man was so persistent when it came to hitting the same exact spot and a large, puffy bruise was beginning to form on the side of Joel's jaw. It hurt, but he wouldn't dare let an ounce of weakness slip through the cracks of his hardened persona and admit it to his captor.

 _Asshole hits like a fuckin' pussy._

Then, they heard another crackling gunshot from outside, immediately followed by a short scream and the sound of wood bouncing and rolling against concrete.

"Josh! Fuckin' talk to me!" Greg yelled, again turning away from Joel.

 _Now! Don't think! Get 'im!_

Joel, with his feet still bound together, swung his legs up as hard as he could, slamming Greg in the groin with his shins.

"Ungh - aaaaaggghhh! Fuckin' - shit! Goddammit - fuck, fuck, fuck!" Greg shrieked in pain as he fell to his knees, dropping the machete to the floor.

Joel threw himself off of the chair, letting gravity take control of his weight and massive frame and send it crashing into Greg. He thudded into him, body slamming the man onto his back against the floor.

"Agh! Shit!" Greg shouted in pain again.

Joel wiggled and slid forward, awkwardly climbing atop him, then slammed his forehead into the bridge of the man's nose. The loud crack of cartilage and bone breaking from the vicious blow echoed through the room as a spurt of blood shot from Greg's nostrils. Joel lifted himself once more, then again hammered his forehead into Greg's face, crushing the man's damaged nose even more. An even bigger spray of blood rocketed from the open wound, staining his shirt and jeans.

Another booming rifle shot, this time sounding much closer, pierced through the air and the thud of Josh's body hitting the floor in the hallway immediately followed.

 _That's our rifle. It's gotta be her - c'mon Ellie._

He rolled himself off of Greg, who now lay on the ground in agony, one hand over his groin and the other holding his face, blood flowing from his broken nose and shattered features. He scrambled to find the machete, finally feeling the touch of its cold metal against his fingertips and hands that remained tied behind his back. After fumbling with the handle, he managed to hold it steady and began cutting through the rope which wrapped around his wrists.

Within seconds it snapped in half and he flung both hands out in front of him then heaved a sigh of relief.

 _Goddamn that feels good. Alright you piece of shit!_

Before even considering removing the rope around his ankles, he hobbled back over to Greg, knelt above him then began swinging his fists into the man's face. Punch after punch he thudded his bruised and callused fists of stone into him, bits of bone and blood flying into the air and falling to the floor after each one.

He kept swinging. His mind was clouded by the white-hot flash of fury and rage that overtook him. He refused to stop until he could no longer breathe or lift his arms, whichever came first. He despised this man with a _seething_ hatred and the words and earlier threat, _make you watch,_ was all he could think about. No one was going to do _that_ to his little girl, his little Ellie and _purpose._

It didn't take long and in a matter of minutes the body lying beneath him no longer spoke, cried in agony or even twitched after each crushing blow. It was silent, _dead_ silent. The face was hardly recognizable as human and finally, Joel's fiery anger began to cool as exhaustion crept into his limbs. The energy required to continue swinging was too great and he simply flopped both forearms against the body's chest as he panted, trying to catch his breath.

 _Fuckin'... hell... goddamn... bastard..._

Then, a sound he yearned to hear, a sound that was only superseded in importance by the call of _her_ voice itself, echoed down the hallway. It was the light, quick patter of small feet in sneakers against the hardwood floor. And upon lifting his head, he saw the familiar bounce of an auburn haired ponytail.

* * *

"Holy - how the hell did you - good shot kid! Wait - where the fuck are you going!? What're you doing!? There's another one in there!" Katelyn shouted as Ellie jumped to her feet and bolted for the entrance of the building.

"No time! C'mon, c'mon!" she shouted over her shoulder, hardly even giving Katelyn a glance.

"What!? No - stop! Aaaahhhhh shit! Goddammit kid!"

Katelyn reluctantly clambered to her feet and chased after the overzealous little girl.

Ellie, panted breaths and all, charged through the doorway with reckless ambition then came to a stop and swiveled her head to the right then left. The body of the last Hunter she put a bullet in lay at her feet, profusely bleeding out and gazing up at the ceiling with a pair of empty, lifeless, dark eyes. Her foot tapped against the body's leg, but the product of her handiwork and following touch of the corpse against her shoe didn't even register a thought in her head.

 _I know you're in here - you have to be!_

She was focused on _one_ thing. Nothing else mattered now.

 _Fuck, fuck! Left or right!? Just pick one and go! Ahhhhhhh... right!_

After slinging the rifle back over her shoulder, she drew her pistol then spun to the right and shot down the hallway like a lightning bolt. Approaching the door to each room off of the corridor brought on increasing amounts of angst and anticipation. And within a minute she had every single one swung open, only letting here eyes briefly scan for the one thing she was looking for. The adrenaline level in her bloodstream climbed and climbed. Until it felt as if every muscle in her body was on the verge of seizing up, forcing her to crumble to the ground and simply wallow in a pool of her own nerve induced vomit. Finding nothing but empty beds, piles of clothing, guns and ammo in each room only increased her _desire_ and unchained _yearning_.

 _No, no, no - c'mon! I know you're here!_

Katelyn finally joined her inside. Stepping into the hallway only to find Ellie frantically searching and saw each door to every room on her right hanging wide open.

"Goddammit kid you're gonna get us killed," she said under her breath as she made her way towards Ellie.

Ellie lunged for the final door at the end of the hallway and upon placing a hand on the knob, closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

 _Please, please, please._

"Joel - " she whispered with hope.

His name left her lips with heart aching anticipation. She ripped the door open, only to find nothing but a barren, empty room once again. Her heart sank and she let out a pained whimper.

 _Wait - left! Go back! Hurry!_

She spun around, quickly pushing herself to a sprint and nearly tripped over her own feet as they slipped and slid against the hardwood floor. After scrambling to keep her balance she darted back down the hallway, unable to even acknowledge the presence of Katelyn who stood in her way.

"Kid, kid - Slow. Down. You're gonna - " she tried to say, reaching for Ellie's arm who then shoved her out of the way without hesitation and continued bolting down the hallway.

Ellie's heart pounded behind her chest, its rate getting faster and faster. Her breathing consisted of short, sips of air as her lungs struggled to provide enough oxygen to keep her unrelenting search and weary, exhausted little body going.

She swung open the first door on her right.

Again, nothing.

 _Oh god! C'mon_ \- c'mon!

Her eyes began to water and she let out another whimper of desperation.

Then, trickling through the haze of her clouded mind, her brain formed a logical, reasoned thought. A set of double doors on the right, at the end of the hallway, sat wide open.

 _Joel!_

Without delay she quickened to a sprint once more with Katelyn following close behind.

"Stop! Wait, wait, wait!" the woman hissed through a whisper, though the tone of her voice was practically reaching a muddled yell at this point.

Ellie paid her calling no attention. The words simply entered one ear and out the other without her taking a second to even register what could be lurking around the corner.

She counted down each step, _feeling_ his presence getting closer and closer. The hair on the back of her neck stood straight up. Goosebumps rose across every inch of her skin and she couldn't even hear her whole body _screaming_ , _begging_ her to stop and take a break before her heart exploded from her chest.

 _So close - so close!_

Ten steps away.

Nine steps.

Eight.

Seven.

 _Nnnnghh! C'mon! You have to be there! Please!_

Five, four, three.

Two...

 _...One..._

She rounded the corner, her ponytail swaying to and fro in the air behind her head. Then finally, the sight she'd been yearning to see for so long sat before her. Her knees nearly buckled as her legs went weak. Her eyes widened and she gasped with an enlightening sense of relief. The weight which had been slowly crushing her since separating from her _purpose_ immediately lifted and her lips trembled.

She was _speechless._ Nearly.

"Joel!" she shouted, throwing her pistol and rifle to the floor without a second thought.

"Oh Christ - Ellie!" he shouted back from his kneeling posture above Greg's body.

 _Oh - fucking... oh god!_

Completely ignoring the alarm going off in her tired body, she jolted herself to a sprint once again. She ran straight for him and let out a delightful but pained, little noise. She couldn't get to him fast enough and each millisecond that it took to reach him felt like an eternity.

Before he could even extend his hands down to undo the rope tied around his feet, she dove into him, practically tackling him to the floor. Her small, little frame hit him with such force it knocked him backwards, sending him onto his back as she landed on top of him, immediately wiggling and sliding her way up his chest.

"Jesus - slow - slow down kiddo," he said with a surprised, airy laugh, unable to restrain the massive, joyous filled grin quickly stretching across his lips.

Her only response was another adorable little noise as she dug the tip of her nose into his beard, smothering the side of his chin and cheek with quick, light kisses.

She tucked her legs in, curling into a ball as she laid on top of him and wrapped both arms around his neck, nuzzling her nose even harder into his jawline and beard. Feeling herself be engulfed by his embrace, experiencing the touch of his forearms clasped around her back, pressing against her shoulder blades caused her heart to flutter. Within seconds, the desperation and anxiety that previously filled her every nerve was replaced with pure relief and unbridled joy.

He wrapped both arms around her, trying to reign in and calm her little, squirming and wriggling self as she frantically tried to press harder against him. The familiar touch of her black and red, plaid, hooded sweatshirt, the warmth of her small frame and the smell of her hair all triggered overwhelming shots of relief and _love_. She was finally, mercifully, back in his arms, safe and protected from the horrors of the world. He didn't lose her. She didn't lose him.

Despite another torturous attempt by the universe to tear them apart, they didn't lose _their purpose._

"Oh god - oh god - oh god - oh _god -_ I thought I lost you but I knew you had to be here," she stammered under her breath, snuggling against him while rubbing her nose against his chin and beard as she continued to peck him with small kisses.

He gently placed a hand on the back of her head, pulling her tighter against him.

"Ellie - baby, sweetie - easy, easy, _easy_ \- are you hurt? Are you _okay?_ " he said, his lips mere centimeters from the lobe of her ear.

Her well being and health, no matter what, under any circumstance, was always the most important thing. The state of _his_ little girl always took precedence over everything else, including himself.

Feeling the warmth of his breath against her ear and cheek pulled a humongous smile across her face and she tightened the grasp of her arms wrapped around his neck.

"Uh-huh," were the only words she managed to peep through her smiling lips, coupling it with a quick nod, feeling her forehead rub against the side of his chin.

She was finally _home,_ back in the spot that she fit so _perfectly_ and that they'd both begun to think she _belonged._

He closed his eyes and heaved an epic, massive sigh of relief, gripping her tighter against him.

"Goddamn baby girl - thank Christ," he whispered into her hair.

After giving a long kiss to the side of her head, he smiled and simply rested his chin against it. Not caring in the slightest that his feet were still bound and tied.

 _Holy shit, oh fuck. He's okay, you're okay, we're okay - you're back with him - everything's fine._

He could feel the rapid beat of her heart through her chest against his own. Listening to her short, quick sips of air only told him how panicked, terrified and _exhausted_ she was. He knew she was tired. The constant shaking and quivering of fatigue in her little frame and limbs told him so more than any words could. It only made him hold her closer and he gave her a gentle, affectionate peck on the forehead.

"Ellie - holy hell you're shakin' like a leaf an' suckin' air like a damn race horse. C'mon - it's okay - shh - it's okay baby - shh. I've gotcha - breathe, breathe," he soothed, rubbing her back as he tried to calm her down.

Her pony tail tickled the back of his bruised and bloodied knuckles each time his hand approached the base of her neck and shoulder blades. The sensation only made him happier and reinforced the knowledge that she really was unscathed and back in his protective care.

Not that she needed protection. She never did. She only _needed_ it in a much different way. In an _emotional_ way.

Within seconds, he felt her heart rate slow and the furious expansion of her chest relax into calmed, slower and less convulsive motions.

"There she is - shh - we're okay. _Breathe_ baby girl - there ya go - shh," he cooed again.

She smiled, closed her eyes then sighed happily and nuzzled her nose into his neck just above his shoulder. Now that she'd reached him, found the one thing that brought her peace, the energy and temporary fuel that kept her going disappeared entirely. Exhaustion seeped into her bones and the soreness in her muscles and tired, little body sent her spiraling down a hole of drowsiness. Now that she was back in the presence of the one thing that gave her the warmth and comfort to sleep, she could finally close her eyes and get the rest she so desperately needed.

 _I'm... so... fucking... tired - holy... I think I'm gonna... I'm gonna... fall..._

Then, he tilted his head and kissed her on the cheek before feeling her body go limp. The warm, soft touch of her breath against his neck took a patterned turn as the weight of her small frame completely gave into him, resting atop his much bigger self.

Feeling the sudden change in her body startled him and his eyes widened, but remained tunnel visioned on the little girl in his arms, not noticing the other woman untying the other prisoner across the room.

"Oh shit - Ellie! Baby!" he said with with worry, patting her on the back as he gently shook her small frame in his arms.

She didn't respond. She was out cold. But of course, he feared the worst.

"Sweetie - c'mon girl talk to me!" he said, again pulling her up a little higher, until her nose was practically buried into his neck under his chin.

"She's just asleep! She's lights out - but she's fine, trust me," Katelyn finally said, sensing the sudden panic behind his voice.

She finished untying the rope around Blake's feet and rested him up against the wall.

"Here - drink this. Easy, easy - slow, not too much at once okay? Small sips," she whispered to him.

The barely alive and conscious man tiredly nodded without wording a response.

"Holy shit I... I didn't think we'd - oh my god," she whispered again, giving him a passionate kiss on the forehead.

Hearing her speak yanked Joel out of his trance that centered around Ellie. He twitched, trying to slide away while instinctively tightening his arms around her. Pulling her away and guarding her from strangers was purely a reflex at this point. Anyone besides himself was deemed a threat to her well being and he fiercely guarded and protected her, refusing to let anyone even get _near_ her.

"What in the - who - who the fuck are you!?" he stammered, lifting his head from the ground.

"Hey, hey, hey - easy - I'm a friend, I swear," Katelyn responded, slowly making her way over to him as she held out a hand, proceeding with caution.

"That... little girl there - I found her and we came to find you. I didn't - " she paused and ran both hands over her face, feeling the dagger like glare from Joel's eyes piercing through her.

"She's fine - she's not hurt - I promise. I gave her food and water - please, it's okay," she said, now kneeling at Joel's feet.

He let out a deep breath and tried to pull Ellie up even higher, away from Katelyn.

"Then why... goddammit - why's she - the fuck is wrong with her then!?" he shouted in anger.

Katelyn jolted backwards from his sharp tone then gulped.

"No, no, no - she's _fine._ Please, really - she's just... _exhausted -_ completely wiped out. You have no idea."

The tension in Joel's face eased away and he turned his head, gently pressing an ear to Ellie as he listened for her next heartbeat and breath. He had to be absolutely positive both signs of life went off without a hitch. Suddenly, she shifted her head, only barely, rubbing her nose against his neck as she let out an adorable, soft, incoherent peep.

Seeing the small smile that remained across her lips and hearing the barely audible sound caused him to heave another sigh of relief.

"Oh thank god," he said under his breath, relaxing the rising tension in his muscles.

"See? I told you, she's fine. I just have to say... she's - you two... I don't even know - augh - I have so many questions. But really, she's just asleep - kid is tired as hell," Katelyn said, unable to find the correct words to express her thoughts.

He pressed his lips against Ellie's ear and closed his eyes.

"Oh honey - my little baby - sleep as much as you want sweet pea. I've gotcha - I ain't lettin' go," he whispered into her ear before giving her a light, gentle kiss to the temple.

He returned his attention back to Katelyn while absentmindedly rubbing Ellie's back.

"Reckon I still don't know who the hell you are. An' you wanna explain to me why my little girl is nearly dead to the world at the moment?"

Katelyn began untying the rope around his feet and cleared her throat.

"The name's Katelyn and I'm a _friend,_ alright?" she said sternly, looking up from his feet and meeting his eyes with an intense stare of her own.

"Well - you didn't shoot my ass on sight and apparently gave this one here food and water. Reckon you're off to a good start."

Katelyn snickered, unveiling a small smile.

"No time to talk now - I'll explain everything later. But right now, we gotta move. The rest of them will be back soon."

Joel sighed and grunted in frustration, blowing a massive shot of air through his lips up towards the ceiling.

"Figured - was wonderin' where the rest of 'em boys went," he said.

Katelyn darted back over to Blake and helped him to his feet.

"Can you walk?" she asked, rubbing his back.

He nodded with a grimace.

"Yeah... think I can - fuck me I feel like hell," he said, his first words since Joel joined him as prisoner.

He slowly lifted a hand, struggling to point a finger towards Joel with a shaking limb.

"Shoulda - " he coughed.

"Shoulda seen this guy - kicked that motherfucker's ass real good. See?" he said, pointing to the bruised, battered, mutilated and hardly recognizable corpse of Greg.

Katelyn cringed and looked away.

"Jesus - yeah... I see that. Fuck."

Joel let out a smug, half-humored and pride-veiled grin and snorted.

"We should move. You got anything we can booby trap the door with? Might as well take more out if we can," Katelyn asked, placing both hands on her hips as she watched Joel begin to rise.

He slid one arm beneath Ellie's thighs and wrapped the other around her back, pressing his forearm against her shoulder blades while gently holding her neck, just below her ponytail. After ensuring he had a tight, snuggled grip on her, he curled his torso up and gradually rose to his feet from the floor, keeping her in his arms the entire way up.

Katelyn arched an eyebrow, utterly perplexed by what was easily the most awkward looking motion she'd seen in recent memory.

"You can set her down ya know - it'll be okay," she said with a hint of sarcasm.

A dagger like glare returned to Joel's eyes and he clenched his teeth, flexing the muscles in his neck as he scolded her in response.

" _No,_ " he sneered laconically, half-ready to headbutt the woman out of anger.

Her eyes widened and she ran a hand through her hair as she took a step back.

"S-sorry... I was just - I didn't mean anything, really. Sorry," she said, fumbling with her words.

Joel's glowering expression faded and he pushed Ellie up higher by the underside of her thighs, holding her like one would a small child, as her legs straddled the side of his torso. Her calves and feet dangled just below his waist and her arms remained wrapped around his neck as she rested the side of her head on his shoulder. Her nose was nuzzled into him so closely, her forehead and hair were firmly pressed against his jaw.

She tenderly and slowly shifted again, barely sliding her cheek against his shirt while mumbling another set of incoherent words that preceded the peep of _his_ name, Joel.

He kissed her on the cheek once more, keeping a hand placed against the base of her neck.

"Anyway - yeah I got somethin' that'll work. Can rig up a nail bomb by the door - that'll do it," he said.

"Do... do you want me to do it?" Katelyn asked with hesitation.

He glanced back down at the small, passed out, auburn haired girl in his arms then looked back up at Katelyn as he let out another sigh.

"Can I trust you?" he asked sternly, trying to dig through her skull and into the depths of her mind with his eyes.

She fidgeted then crossed her arms. To gain his trust, she knew _exactly_ what to say in this moment. It was abundantly clear what mattered more than anything else to this man she'd only known for a brief ten minutes.

She leered back at him and opened her lips to speak.

"I could've shot her if I wanted to - but I _didn't_. Instead, I gave her some of _my_ food. You can trust me," she said.

Taken aback by her response, he shifted his feet and let out a grunt. Part of him wanted to smack the woman for even saying the words _shot her,_ but just as she suspected, the quickest and surest way to earn his trust was through the little girl propped up in his arms.

"There's two of 'em in my pack. Mind carryin' my rifle an' her pistol while you're at it?" he asked, his lips barely giving way a small smile, even though he tried to hide it.

It tickled him knowing the world gifted Ellie with an ounce of good fortune, instead of kicking her while she was down once again and that _someone, anyone,_ besides himself, actually treated her kindly.

"Yeah - no problem. She's a hell of a shot with that thing by the way," Katelyn responded.

Joel snickered, the once subtle smile on his lips become more visible as he glanced down at Ellie, gently patting her on the back.

"She sure is - that's my little girl."

* * *

The three of them, along with Ellie fast asleep and propped up in Joel's arms, walked through the rear door of the general store. Returning to the safety of the hideout where Katelyn and Ellie hid.

"Here we are - this is it," Katelyn said as she flickered on her flashlight.

Joel, lifting the side of his head from Ellie's, glanced around and gave a slow nod of approval.

"Not bad - reckon this'll have to do."

"Mmmhmm," Katelyn responded with a nod of her own.

"Here's where you found this one?" he asked, motioning his chin down towards Ellie.

Katelyn smiled.

"Yep."

Blake let out an exhausted groan.

"I feel like a pile of shit - think I'm gonna go lie down and get some sleep - can hardly keep myself awake and moving here."

Katelyn reached a hand over and rubbed his back.

"Okay, I've set up some blankets in the back for you - go lie down - get some rest. I'll be there in a bit."

"Sure thing," Blake said as he hobbled over to the makeshift bed of blankets Katelyn prepared.

Then, the sound they all were dreading to hear, rumbled down the street outside. The truck with the four other Hunters drove by, returning from their escapade and causing Katelyn to cringe.

"Well... they're gonna be in for one hell of a surprise," she said.

Joel snickered.

"Tssht - right about that - better lie low here for the day an' keep quiet."

"Agreed."

Ellie wiggled in his arms, rubbing the tip of her nose against his neck as she softly muttered another series of incoherent, dream induced words. Again ending the quiet peep with the only word that remained a constant in her tired and sleepy mumbling.

Joel.

He couldn't help but feel a tickle of warmth shoot through him from the sight and sound and his lips gave way to another hesitant, but uncontrollable smile.

"She uhh... she really likes it up there doesn't she?" Katelyn asked with a playful grin.

His smile grew bigger.

"I like to think so."

Katelyn laughed.

"I mean - she is... _out,_ " she said, leaning to the side to get a glimpse of Ellie's face buried into his neck and shoulder.

All she could make out was the daintiest, most adorable yet subtle smile from the little girl's lips. His arms, his embrace, really was her favorite place and she seemed _so_ happy and at peace. Shocked to know that this was the same girl, who no more than a few hours ago, was exuberantly bouncing off of the walls and bounding down the street into the Hunter hideout with reckless abandon.

Seeing her cuddled in his arms, looking so calm and comforted, seemed _serene._ The precious sight was something she thought no longer existed in the shattered and broken world they lived in.

Joel tilted his head and kissed Ellie on the cheek, rubbing her back once again. At this point, the motion was a sub-conscious habit.

"Tssht - wow, too cute," Katelyn said.

He snorted in response, giving her an eye roll.

"You said you'd tell me what the hell's goin' on with her - well, get to it," he said, still worried about Ellie's well being as always.

"Yeah sure - let's go sit down - c'mon," Katelyn responded, walking into the front area of the store, beckoning him to follow.

She plopped herself down in the same spot she sat the previous night upon finding Ellie, motioning a hand for him to join her. Without even lifting a finger off of Ellie's small frame, he lowered himself to a sitting posture on the floor. A small nest, between his crossed legs formed a _perfect_ nook for her to sidle into. He gently shifted her tired dead-weight so she sat in his lap, legs resting over his bent knee and the side of her head lying against his chest.

The sudden shifting caused her to stir and she twitched her head as she looked up at him, half awake, half asleep and let out a nervous little sound.

It immediately roped his attention to her, away from Katelyn, and he pressed his lips to her forehead.

"No, no, no - shh - we're okay, we're okay. Go back to sleep baby - I've gotcha - shh - c'mon, back to sleep honey - you need it," he whispered to her.

She dropped her chin, rested her temple against his chest and her subtle smile returned after letting loose a long and exaggerated, happy sigh.

He wrapped an arm around her, supporting her back and letting his wrist rest on her shoulder, the side of his hand gently pressed up against her lower lip.

Then, as if it just wasn't quite enough, a slight frown formed across her lips as she reached out a small hand, grasping the air and yearning for his other arm to snugly swaddle the entirety of her.

"Oh my god that's adorable," Katelyn said, barely able to hold back a laugh.

Joel snickered, but was quick to immediately give into Ellie's silent request. He stretched his other arm around, placing his hand on the back of her neck and completely enveloping her in a warm, cuddled and protective nest.

No one could harm her there. Not a soul could even _touch_ her while in her domain and favorite place.

She let out an airy, squeaky and _precious_ yawn. Her frown inverted and the light, little snores that faintly whistled from her nose returned as she went right back to sleep.

He absentmindedly and gently rubbed her chin with his thumb then cleared his throat, imploring Katelyn to continue.

"Right - well I found her in here - right where you're sitting actually."

"Poor girl was hungry - lookin' for food," he said under his breath.

"Well - she was hungry, believe me, but she was trying to get food for _you_ \- said you were sick," Katelyn said, bringing both legs into her chest then wrapping her arms around them.

"Yeah - sure as hell was. Reckon the worst has passed though - fever broke earlier in the night. Still feelin' off - but it's nothin'," he said as he began to ever so slightly rock Ellie back and forth in his arms.

"Oh - that's really good to hear. I'm sure you're well aware of how the world treats the sickened and weak these days," Katelyn said.

"Right about that."

She cleared her throat.

"Anyway - when I found her... damn kid nearly blew my fucking head off."

Joel, unable to restrain the weird, morbid sense of pride from making him smile, let loose a small snicker.

"Hey! That was _not_ cool man! She nearly turned my brains into new decorative items for this whole fucking place!" she stammered, throwing both arms in the air.

Joel shook his head and tried pull in his next muffled laugh.

"I know - I know... my - my bad. Just - " he said through another chuckle.

He took a deep breath, urging his macabre grin to go away.

"Reckon we just got a hard time trustin' people - that's all. Don't take it personally - if you knew what we'd been through... you'd understand."

"Yeah no shit - you've both made that _abundantly_ clear," she responded emphatically.

Joel shrugged.

"So, once she ate - which, by the way, was hilarious to watch."

He snickered again, then pressed his lips to Ellie's hair, giving her a kiss.

"Believe me - I know," he said with a humorous roll of the eyes, feeling the touch of her hair against his lips as he spoke.

"Girl eats like a horse, seriously," he continued.

"But she's so tiny!" Katelyn exclaimed.

His smile waned and he drooped his head back down, his eyes giving the top of Ellie's head a caring and endearing paternal look of _love_ induced concern and worry.

"Yeah... yeah I know," he muttered with a sigh, his gaze not breaking from the auburn haired girl who remained happily snuggled in the nest of his limbs.

He pressed his lips to her hair again, this time listening for the next muffled, squeaky, whistle of air that escaped through her nose after each little snore.

Seeing his expression shift to a faint sense of melancholy caused Katelyn's smile to wane as well and she cleared her throat.

"Sorry... I didn't mean - "

"No, no - it's... it's fine - never mind."

She took a deep breath and glanced out the window, looking past Joel's shoulder.

"We still good?" he asked.

"Yeah - we're fine. Just thought I saw something but it's nothing," she replied with a nod.

"Anyway, once she ate and I told her more about the Hunters - that they had Blake too and everything - I mentioned that at dawn, about four of 'em head outta town to do... something - god knows what."

Joel slowly nodded his head and re-tightened his grip around Ellie, causing her to gently rub her cheek against his shirt.

"An' that was your time to strike I reckon?" he rhetorically asked.

"Yep - and then... that's when she got tired."

"What you mean?"

Katelyn ran a hand through her hair and paused, hoping to find the right words to express exactly how anxious and _distraught_ Ellie was during the hours of the night, simply waiting and wishing for nothing other than dawn itself.

"Once she realized we had to wait until morning... she... she practically went crazy," she said with a light, half restrained snicker, unsure of Joel's reaction.

He stared at her, not amused by the thought in the slightest.

"Girl wouldn't stop pacing around, looking fucking... nervous, anxious, scared, terrified - any other word you can think of - as could be - asking about every fifteen minutes how much longer until dawn - and she... she must have said your name like... I dunno - a billion fucking times?" she said, her voice raising as she felt herself getting stressed from merely describing Ellie's frantic state.

He looked back down at Ellie, feeling a sense of guilt that his absence caused her to _suffer_ for so long. As if falling ill and thus causing her to venture into the world on her own was _his_ fault and not just some cruel twist of fate.

"Poor baby," he murmured under his breath as he pulled back the usual, stray lock of hair behind her ear, thinking he only thought the words as opposed to speaking them.

"Yeah she was pretty freaked out - though I doubt she would've admitted it."

Joel snapped his head up, knowing she heard him and felt annoyed that he let the words quietly slip through his lips.

"So... she didn't get an ounce of sleep - not a second," Katelyn continued.

His eyes widened and an eyebrow arched, giving the woman a confused look.

"Seriously. Kid sat right there, where you are now, staring out the window at the moon - just _counting down_ the minutes until morning. I woke up in the middle of the night - caught her looking at a photo of you two - tried to talk her into going to sleep but she wouldn't have any of it - said she couldn't sleep without you and knowing you were... ya know - out there and shit," she continued, pointing out the window behind him.

His eyes just barely started to water upon hearing the description of Ellie's past fourteen or so hours. He _knew_ she loved him, but only now did he realize _how much_ she did and how _attached_ to him she _really_ had become. Though he wasn't surprised, he was attached to her just as much.

A flutter of warmth went through his aching, recovering body and he closed his eyes, pressing his lips into her hair once again.

"Goddamn baby girl - I'm so fuckin' sorry. Thank Christ you're okay - I've gotcha sweetie - I've gotcha," he whispered, his voice quavering and sounding a little more pained after each word.

He didn't care in the slightest to hide his paternal care in front of Katelyn. All he could think about was how fortunate he was that Ellie wasn't passed out in the road due to the caveats of her _gift,_ waiting to be found by the pack of Hunters and instead sat here, snuggled in his arms, looking, no, _feeling,_ as _adorable_ and _precious_ as he'd ever felt her.

"Then - " Katelyn paused then heaved a sigh, lightly shaking her head.

"Once the sunrise hit - she damn near gave me a heart attack waking me up."

"Yeah?" he asked, still not breaking his eyes away from Ellie.

"Yep - she was bouncing off of the fucking walls, asking if I was ready to go like... every minute. After not getting a sliver of sleep, I... I didn't know how she could have so much energy but if it kept her going - kept her fighting - I wasn't gonna argue."

That didn't surprise him. Recalling how excited she was upon finding him and how much unrestrained relief and joy effused from her little, squirmy self while diving into him.

"Then we found you and Blake and that was that. She's just completely burned out - not surprised she's out cold," she said, finishing the tale with a slight grin.

He heaved a sigh of relief. In part knowing the little, auburn haired girl that sat safely in his arms sound asleep really was okay, merely _exhausted_ from forcing herself awake until she found him. And also in part that this strange woman, who they barely knew, somehow managed to show a shard of humanity and provided Ellie, and frankly him, with a helping hand when they so _desperately_ needed it.

That, sadly, above all else, was the most surprising thing he'd seen in months. It made him think that just maybe, there still remained an ounce of good in the world.

"She - " she paused and scratched the back of her head.

"She really loves you. Honestly, it was like she just... broke or... stopped functioning yesterday after watching you get carried off. She loves you to death - it's written all over her."

Finally, he lifted his gaze from Ellie and was unable to resist the slight watering in his eyes as he looked at the kind woman, who was mostly responsible for reuniting him and his little girl, his _purpose._

"It's written all over _you_ , too - how much you unconditionally love her," she continued.

He didn't even voice a response and instead unleashed a massive smile, the dimples in his cheeks enlarging to a size he thought was impossible since losing Sarah.

"I didn't think something so... fucking _real_ and... I don't even know what, I can't find the words - like the love between parent and child even _existed_ anymore. It makes me think that - " Katelyn pressed on.

She stopped and took a deep breath, dropping her head down and stared at her twiddling thumbs.

"That what?" he asked in a leading tone.

She glanced back up, meeting his eyes and scrunched her face.

"That there's still some good remaining on earth and that living in _this,_ is still... _worth_ it."

Ellie suddenly twitched and squirmed, firmly nuzzling into his chest as her body reacted to some image or event of whatever her mind was dreaming in that moment.

Her nuzzling and the sight of her unsettled self yanked his attention back to her.

"Shh, shh - you're okay, you're okay - shh - easy sweet pea, easy. It's okay - just a dream baby - easy, easy - there ya go - shh," he cooed into her hair, caressing her cheek with his palm.

The squirming ceased and her head limply drooped back down as her cheek slid against his shirt, resting her lower lip against the side of his thumb after again mumbling something unintelligible. Then, as if the depth of her sleep wasn't already evident enough, a small trickle of drool dripped from her lip onto his thumb.

"Ahh hell, she's - " he couldn't help but pause to let out a light laugh.

"She's what?" Katelyn asked.

"Tssht - she's droolin' on my hand," he said, continuing to quietly chuckle.

Though the cold, wet touch of the drool on his hand was beyond bizarre and strange, he for some strange reason, couldn't help but smile. The act only continued to hammer home the fact that she was safely cuddled with him and that _nothing_ could harm her.

"Oh my god! She really _is_ out!" Katelyn said with a boisterous laugh, bringing a hand over her mouth.

Without breaking his eyes from the auburn ponytail pressed against his arm, he sighed, _almost_ happily.

"Yep - she sure is."

"But you don't mind at all do you?" Katelyn intuitively asked.

"Not a damn bit," he responded before kissing her hair once again.

An endearing expression crawled over Katelyn's face. As if she was witnessing the tender moment in wonder and amazement, like something as indescribably _perfect_ as what she was seeing was a once in a lifetime event.

"It's... it's really cute and sweet how much you love her and care. You don't see that anymore, sadly. And you know, she never told me her name. I missed it when you said it earlier - what is it?"

Joel cleared his throat, refusing to shift his gaze from the most important thing in the _universe_. The one thing that sparked the initial resurrection of his sense of _purpose_ nearly a year ago.

"Reckon she can tell you herself when she wakes up. She'll want to."

* * *

The sun was set. The stars and moon seized control of the night sky. And it was time for them to depart Twin Falls and leave the previous days' struggles behind.

Ellie and Joel walked hand in hand. Upon waking up from her deep and epic slumber, she _refused_ to leave his side and stayed plastered to him as if they were one. Each time she reached for his hand, he immediately obliged. The act had become as instinctively reflexive and habitual as breathing. Katelyn and Blake walked along side of them doing the same. Each of their bags stocked full with canned food and supplies from the bomb shelter hidden in the rear of the store.

They approached an intersection just before leaving the outer limits of town, signifying the eventual parting of ways between them and stopped.

Each pair turned to the other and Ellie let out a deep breath.

"Well - I guess... this is it," she said, biting her lip.

"Yeah, I guess so," Katelyn responded.

"You two headin' east?" Joel asked.

"Yessir - not sure where exactly - just anyplace far from Seattle - that's all we know," Blake replied.

"Well - we're goin' south for now - into Nevada."

Joel and Ellie looked at each other and smiled.

"Lemme guess - California right?" Blake asked.

"Hell yeah!" Ellie blurted out with excitement.

 _Can't fucking wait!_

Her amusing response pulled a small chuckle out of the group.

"Tell ya what - if you happen to find your way to Jackson, Wyoming - ask for Tommy an' Maria. Tell 'em we sent you. They'll treat you good," Joel said with a nod towards the east.

"Jackson huh?" Katelyn asked.

"Yes ma'am."

"Got nowhere else to go - might as well give it a shot, right?" Blake said, looking at his wife.

Ellie smiled and leaned her head against Joel's arm.

"Tell them we said hi and that... ya know - we're not fucking dead," she said.

"Will do," Katelyn replied with a snicker.

A brisk, cold gust of wind blew through the air. Blowing Katelyn's long, flowing blonde hair along with it. The sudden and chilling touch caused Ellie to wiggle closer into Joel and shiver.

"Reckon it's gettin' cold - an' it's only gonna get colder. C'mon kiddo - best we get goin'."

"Yeah us too," Katelyn replied.

"Well, I guess uhh... good luck you two. Maybe we'll cross paths again someday - who knows," Blake said.

"You too," Ellie and Joel replied in unison.

Just before they turned around and split ways, Ellie halted, feeling the ensuing tug on her hand as Joel began to walk southward on ninety-three towards Nevada.

"Hey wait," she quietly said to Katelyn and Blake.

They turned around, meeting her big, glistening, green eyes with their own.

"I just wanna say - " she paused and took a deep breath, rubbing her brow with her free hand.

 _Ugghh - just spit it out - she's the reason he's standing here with you!_

"Thank you - for everything Katelyn. I... I don't know what I would've done without your help. Maybe there really is still some fucking good left in the world," she said, tightening the grip on Joel's hand.

A massive smile stretched across Katelyn's lips and she tried, but failed, to suppress a sniffle.

"Yeah... of course - don't mention it. I don't know what I would've done without you either. You helped me more than you know. And... thanks for not blowing my head off," she said with a snicker as she wiped her eyes.

Ellie blushed in embarrassment and chuckled.

"Yeah... sorry about that," she said, looking towards the ground as she awkwardly glided a foot through the dirt.

"Hey kid, ya know, you still never told me your name."

 _Oh, right._

Ellie looked up from the ground and smiled, shooting a glance up at Joel before responding.

"Ellie. Ellie Williams. And I'm fifteen."


	13. The Desert

**AN: Another long one, enjoy!**

* * *

"Joel."

 _Christ she's talkative today - ain't been quiet for a second._

"Yes Ellie," he said with a sigh and a hint of annoyance in his voice.

The weight of his steps against the two-lane blacktop seemed heavier upon hearing yet another curiosity filled call of his name.

Within seconds, she detected the slight irritation behind his words and it only enticed her even more. Pestering him with random questions, especially when he broke down and displayed even a sliver of irritability, became a pastime all on its own. It was a game, a _challenge._

She always won.

"What's an antacid?"

He snorted and turned towards her.

"The hell? Where in the shit did you learn that?"

"I dunno - you know how you get random words stuck in your head sometimes?"

"Uhh... sure I guess - an' you got _that_ one stuck in yours?"

"Yep! So what!?"

"Nothin' just... random an' weird is all," he said through a light laugh.

"I think I saw it on a bottle or something while I was digging through the store in Twin Falls - now it's stuck in my head. What's it mean?"

"It's a type of medicine that lowers acid buildup in your stomach."

She stopped in her tracks and wrinkled her nose, feeling the light, late-fall breeze rush through her hair.

"Oh - that's... way less cool than it sounds. But okay - antacid - medicine for stomachs, good to know."

A temporary reprieve of silence occurred, but was broken within a matter of seconds as she lifted her downward gaze towards the empty desert around them.

"Man - you weren't kidding when you said Nevada was a barren wasteland," she said, glancing in all directions as she tried to find _anything_ in the Nevada landscape that would pique her interest.

"I wasn't lyin' to you - I meant it," he responded.

"Where are we anyway?"

"I wanna say... just north of some town called Wells I think? Least that's accordin' to the map."

"Huh - alright."

Gripping his hand tighter she swung their arms to and fro then blew a raspberry.

 _Dammit, here we go..._

"The hell was that for?" he asked.

She let go of it, limply dropped both arms and stared upwards to the sky in restlessness.

"Auuugghhh - I'm so bored!" she exclaimed through an elongated groan.

He snorted.

"Too bad there missy, reckon there ain't much we can do other than keep walkin' our asses off."

She stopped, immediately causing Joel to cease his strut as well.

"What's up?" he asked with a puzzled look.

"The sky - duh!" she sarcastically replied, not breaking her gaze from the dark clouds above.

He snickered and crossed his arms.

"Guess I walked into that one."

She let out a mocking, prideful laugh.

"Sure did dude! But umm... seriously though - look at those clouds - is it gonna rain? I mean - it smells like it," she said with the slightest of grins, as if she _knew_ the odd claim puzzled him.

And the ridiculous, yet endearing little statement did indeed.

He placed both hands on his hips and gave her an utterly confused look.

"It _smells_ like it's gonna rain?" he asked in a mocking tone.

She chuckled and shifted her weight.

"Well - yeah, you know - the air gets that like... I dunno - that weird... wet, rain smell. It just... it does okay! It makes perfect fucking sense to me!" she exclaimed, unable to resist the sportive smile stretching across her cheeks.

He shook his head and snickered.

"Tssht - you really are a weird kid. An' here I thought I knew everything about my little Ellie."

She crossed her arms and proudly lifted her chin.

"Well, I'm evolving Joel," she said wittingly.

"Really now? That a fact?" he replied with a laugh.

"Yep - didn't you know? C'mon man, just try to keep up okay?"

"Reckon this is breakin' news to me - the hell you evolvin' into anyway? A bigger, more annoyin' pain in my ass?" he said with a cheeky grin.

Coupled with a punch from a small fist to his arm, she let out a guffaw.

"What the fuck ever! You love me and you know it."

"Do I now?" he asked, shifting his weight to his back foot as he crossed both arms.

She flinched. Her smile fell to a frown and for a mere second, it felt as if her next breath wouldn't come. Even hearing him jest about _not_ loving her as his own caused her heart to skip a beat.

 _Ohhpp - shit - you fuckin' moron. Dumb ass, don't go doin' that._

"Joel..." she quietly peeped with a furrowed brow, staring him in the eyes with her big, greenish-blue ones.

"Ohhh c'mon now sweet pea - you _know_ I love the hell outta you," he said with care as he cupped her cheek.

The touch of the callused palm coupled with his words were already beginning to invert the frown across her lips. But she forced it to remain, as if she wanted him to suffer just a _little_ bit more for even suggesting such an absurd notion.

 _Your sorry ass is gonna pay for that one later._

He cleared his throat and rubbed the scar above her eye with his thumb.

"Smile - c'mon - smile - I know it's there. It's just hidin'," he said, urging her smile to return.

She didn't budge, instead only trying even harder to keep the morose look across her face.

 _Moodier than normal today._

He sighed and dropped his head.

"I love you baby girl - always - no matter what," he said as he gave her a peck on the forehead.

Finally, she was unable to resist the temptation and her frown disappeared entirely.

"I love you too pops," she replied with a renewing smile.

"There she is!" he exclaimed in victory as he pulled his hand away from her cheek.

"Can't promise you won't fucking pay for that later though," she said playfully.

 _Told ya._

"Yeah, yeah - anyway... let's see here."

He tilted his head back and squinted, inspecting the overcast conditions above.

"Sure as hell looks like it's gonna rain... goddammit."

"C'mon - let's keep goin' an' find a place to hole up for the afternoon. Otherwise we're gonna be soaked in a few hours," he continued with a sigh, absentmindedly reaching a hand towards her.

Without even giving it a second thought, she grabbed it and smiled as they rebooted their walk down the flat, empty highway. After only a few seconds of silence, she started humming some random tune, accompanying it with her usual imitation of an electric guitar at various intervals.

 _Beow neow - neow, neow, neow, neow!_

 _Can't she just be quiet for even a few damn minutes? Oh quit your bitchin' old man. You like hearin' her all talkative an' whatnot - means she's happy an' ain't bummed about somethin'._

A sly turn of the head to face her and he watched the familiar bounce of her ponytail, the dimples come and go in her cheeks as her half-veiled smile changed in size and admired the joyful, little noises that rippled through her lips. To him, her laughs, the playful, almost dance-like hop in her step as she hummed along and her enthusiastic curiosity for anything and everything were the greatest things in the _universe_. Even if they nearly drove him to the edge of insanity on occasion.

Feeling her small hand in his while adoring her childlike wonder, which somehow after all this time still remained somewhat intact, caused him to smile.

She lightly bounced her head to whatever tune was playing in between her ears and caught the glimpse of his smile in the corner of an eye.

"What - what's that for?"

"I uhh... nothin' - don't worry about it."

She playfully leered at him, tightening the grip around his hand.

" _Joel..."_

He let out an awkward, light laugh.

"Alright, alright, alright - Christ - you just - " he paused and scratched the back of his head.

"Just what?"

 _You drive me nuts sometimes but you're too goddamn adorable for your own good._

"You're just funny," he said as the goofy looking grin across his lips expanded.

She knew he wanted to say more, but let it slide and reigned in her impish leer.

"Well right now I'm not funny. I'm fucking bored - uuuuggghhhh!" she exclaimed again, swinging their arms back and forth once more.

 _The hell she wants me to do out here? Dammit Joel - think of somethin'... anything, c'mon._

"Joel," she quickly and sharply said, his name shooting from the tip of her tongue in nanoseconds.

 _Here we go again..._

"Yep?"

"Tell me a story."

He sighed.

"'Bout what?"

She let out a guffaw.

"I... I dunno! It's so fucking boring out here! Just... tell me a story - about something from your time - c'mon, pllllleeeeaaassseee?" she pleaded, giving him puppy eyes and a pout as her lower lip bulged out.

 _Tssht - like your sappy ass could even resist that look._

He reached a hand up and scratched his beard, sifting through his thoughts until stumbling upon something that would satisfy the little girl's demands.

"Lemme think of one, then later alright?"

She blew another raspberry and rolled her eyes.

That eye roll of hers, he always felt it. As if those big bright greens dragged a knife across his skin each time they tumbled around in their sockets.

"C'mon - I meant now!" she stammered.

"I - I know you did - but I got a better idea."

Her head perked up and her eyes widened as she smiled.

"Oh? Well don't leave me hangin' dude - spit it out!"

"We're gonna play a game - the alphabet game. Ever heard of it?" he asked, turning towards her as they continued their way down the flat, cracked and lightly overgrown asphalt.

"You mean the song - that I learned in the orphanage when I was like four? You want me to sing the fucking A-B-C's Joel, is that it? That's your awesome game?" she replied, returning his eye contact with a deadpan stare.

He laughed.

"No, no - Jesus - was little four year old Ellie this feisty as well?"

"Like I said - I'm evolving," she replied with a humorous shrug.

"Uh-huh... alright, anyway - no, it ain't the damn A-B-C's. Here's what you do. You find things around you, anything - don't matter what the hell it is - an' take a mental note of it. But the catch is, the name of the thing - or whatever people call it - has to start with the letter you're on. You start at 'A' then work your way through the alphabet - one letter at a time. Make sense?"

"Huh - alright, I can get behind this."

"First one to 'Z' wins."

 _This'll keep her occupied for awhile at least._

"I'm gonna kick _all_ the ass at this shit - you just watch."

"Tssht - alright kiddo - get started - honor system now, no lyin' 'bout which letters you got."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," she said with another eye roll.

For minutes, they walked hand in hand in silence. Attentively darting their eyes to every little detail of their surroundings as they tried to find anything that met the necessary criteria. Before long, the mid-afternoon sun crawled behind the dark clouds above, dimming the light in the desert and taunting them with the possibility of rain.

The encompassing shadow caused her to let out a shout of success.

"Ah-hah! Yes! Finally got it!"

"What's that?" he asked.

"I couldn't get 'S' - but duh! The sun!"

 _The hell - how're you already at... what the shit? There's nothin' out here! My ass is still stuck on 'H.'_

"Oh bull shit you're on 'S' - c'mon I said no lyin'."

She squeezed his hand harder and let out another guffaw.

"Bu - wha - what!? I'm not! I'm serious! I told you I was gonna kick ass at this."

"Uh-huh... alright, check-in time - give 'em up, what you got so far."

She tilted her head and tapped her chin with a finger as she looked slightly upwards, as if she was gazing into some secret nether space that only her mind could venture into.

"Hmm okay - well for 'A' I did... air - I mean, it _is_ all around us."

He snorted.

"Pssht - air? _That's_ what you came up with? That so does not count."

"What the fuck ever! Does too! You said anything, _anything!"_ she replied with a half leer and half grin, violently swinging his hand forward.

He shook his head and snickered.

"Aight - fine, I'll let it slide."

"Let it slide my ass - that was awesome and you know it. You're just jealous you didn't think of it yourself," she said, sticking out her tongue.

 _Dammit - she's right - clever little bugger she is._

"An' 'B?'"

"Beard - specifically, _you're_ beard."

He smiled and laughed as he gave a quick, light nod of approval.

"Hah - that's uhh... that's actually pretty good - didn't think of that one myself."

She smiled with a sense of pride and continued.

"And for 'C' I did cracks - like the cracks in the road ya know?" she said, pointing to the splintered and vegetation covered asphalt beneath their feet.

He nodded again.

"Alright."

"For 'D' I did - "

"Lemme guess, dirt, right?" he interrupted, shooting her a smirk.

"Tssht - yeah - what else - there's only like a zillion fucking pounds of it out here."

Suddenly, her gait was disrupted by a slight stutter step as she winced in discomfort, causing her to place a hand against her stomach. Though she tried to be nonchalant about the motion, he of course noticed.

 _The hell was that?_

"You okay Ellie?"

She forced away the scrunch in her face and nodded.

"Yeah - yeah I'm fine - it's nothing."

He didn't seem convinced, but let it go not wanting to pry. Knowing further questioning wouldn't behoove him given her feisty mood.

"Alright then - what about 'E?'"

"Hah - you know what... me! Ellie!" she said happily with a playful tilt of the head and bat of the eyes.

"Tssht - of course," he said with an eye roll of his own.

"Hey! Don't you roll your eyes at me mister! I saw that!" she coyly said, shaking his arm by the hand again.

"Brat," he spat.

"Stubborn ass," she fired back.

"Little shit."

"Dickhead."

"Uhh... butt... butt munch," he hesitantly said with a mischievous smirk.

"Hah! Ass and butt - that's a repeat - _you_ lose sucker!" she shouted, pointing a finger at him as her strut nearly reached an arrogant skip.

"Aaaaaggghhhh goddammit!" he loudly groaned, rolling his head around his shoulders, but of course giving way to the smallest of happy smiles through every second of his exclamation.

She let out an antagonizing but adorable little laugh.

"Yeah, yeah... little twerp - anyway, how 'bout 'F?'"

"Umm 'F' I did - "

She stopped dead in her tracks and quivered as a jarring, shock of pain jolted through her abdomen. She ripped her hand away from his and clasped both across her stomach and grimaced, collapsing to her knees.

"Augh - oh god - ow," she whimpered.

 _What the fuck!?_

Immediately, he spun around and knelt next to her, placing a hand on her shoulder as he lifted her chin with a finger.

"Ellie! Talk to me honey - what's wrong?" he asked, worry and concern palpable in his voice.

Any amount of discomfort, pain, sorrow or negative emotion that hit his little girl, he wanted to crush like the brains of an Infected he kicked in with his boot. Her well being, happiness and state of mind were all that mattered in any and all circumstances.

 _Always._

She twitched in pain again, clenching the skin of her stomach through her shirt and fingers then cried out.

"Aaaggh! Shit! I... I dunno it... it just - "

"Just what baby - c'mon, talk to me, what hurts?" he pressed on as he cupped her cheek and began rubbing her back.

"My... my stomach it... oh god - shit it... it h-h-h-huuuurrrts," she pouted through a pitiful, little moan.

She tried to stand but immediately fell back to all fours. Her back arched as her stomach sucked into her navel, trying to retreat from whatever was torturing it. Her hands planted into the asphalt, feeling the small, sharp bits of stone and gravel dig into her palms and she let out another whimper of pain.

 _Oh no - my baby._

"No, no - don't get up sweetie. I gotcha - it's alright."

She rocked back onto her heels, still wincing in discomfort as she clutched her stomach.

He slid an arm between the back of her knees and calves, placing the other around her back then scooped her up into his arms. She rested her head against his shoulder and clenched her eyes shut.

"Aaagghhhh! Goddammit! What is it!? Why!?" she cried out, digging her nose into his chest as she let loose another pout.

"I - I dunno yet, but we're done for the day. Reckon it's gonna rain soon anyway - I'm findin' us a place to stop - we're done, alright?" he said, looking down at her.

She rotated her head and looked up at him with her glistening eyes and nodded. The pain was sharp, unlike anything she'd ever felt in that spot and she gave every effort not to cry.

"I gotcha baby - you're gonna be fine. Just close your eyes an' breathe - try to focus on somethin' else."

She obeyed, closed her eyes and took a long, deep breath. She pressed an ear to his chest and listened for his heartbeat, counting the seconds in between each one. Hoping the act would distract her from the painful, sharp agony in her abdomen.

After watching her little frame rise and fall with a few breaths as she lay in his arms, he kissed the bridge of her nose. Praying the malady was nothing more than an average stomach ache. He hoped, with every fiber of his being, that her condition wasn't becoming more attrition than _gift._

* * *

After carrying Ellie for a couple of miles Joel stumbled upon what used to be a mobile home park. The temperature was already dropping and the first droplets of rain began to fall from the ominous, cloud covered sky. Their timing and luck seemed too good to be true. Though neither scoffed at or displayed an ounce of skepticism towards the good fortune. Small, brightly colored and worn, barely functional structures densely sprawled across the park grounds in a grid. It was barren, quiet, and not a single sign of life reared its head other than the two of them, nothing more.

He swung open a thin, steel door leading into a mobile home. As he side stepped inside, careful not to bump her head against the door, he heaved a sigh of relief at the site of a place to rest. He glanced around the small abode, which was more of a glorified trailer than anything else, and spotted a bed at the rear. He gently set her down and ran back to shut and lock the door.

"This'll do - it's dry an' has a place to lie down for awhile," he said, wiping the combination of sweat and small beads of rain from his brow.

Ellie, lying flat on the bed and still grimacing in pain simply brought a hand to her forehead and muttered a response.

"Aaaggh - yeah... yeah it will."

Suddenly, the intensity of the rain dramatically increased. The sound of large water droplets rapidly pounding the thin, metal roof that covered the trailer was all they could hear. In a strange way, it was oddly relaxing and helped take her mind off of the discomfort in her stomach.

Joel pushed aside the curtain over an adjacent window and peered outside.

"Jesus - good timin' on our part. It's really comin' down out there."

"No shit - listen to it - it's... it's kinda cool actually," she said with her eyes still closed as she lay on the bed that had a pungent scent of mildew.

"Yeah - you know, it kinda is," he responded, making his way to her.

He lowered himself onto the mattress next to her and leaned against the paper-thin, fake, wooden material that made up the walls of the cheap and rundown trailer.

The rain started to fall even harder, rattling the inside with loud, but strangely soothing, pings as the density of the downpour increased.

"How you doin' honey?" he asked, gently stroking her hair with the back of his knuckles.

She frowned, again bulging out her lower lip as she pouted. That little look, that face, always _melted_ him to mush.

"It h-h-hurts," she said, kicking her feet up and down against the mattress.

 _Shit, I really hope it's just a stomach ache an' not some bug or parasite or somethin' - god knows the crap we've ingested since leavin' Jackson._

"Just... try an' relax an' think about - " he started with an empathetic sigh, before being interrupted by the shifting and squirming of Ellie who was now climbing on top of him.

"What the - what's this?" he asked.

"I wanna get comfy!" she stammered.

"Alright, alright - c'mere you," he said, welcoming her into his arms.

She lay down atop him, stretching out in between the space of his outstretched legs and rested her head against his chest, just beneath his chin. After relaxing her muscles and letting her weight completely fall into his torso, she felt his arms wrap around her as he cuddled and held her close. The affectionate act caused her frown to morph into the slightest of smiles, despite the debilitating pain that continued to plague her.

"How's that for comfy?"

"Not bad," she said with an unrestrained happy sigh.

 _She's just bein' coy - you know there's no place she'd rather be._

"I can move."

"No! No, don't!" she blurted out, placing a small hand over his that rested just above her stomach.

He couldn't help but give way to a proud smile.

"I know you're grinning to yourself back there. Just because I can't see you doesn't mean I don't know!" she playfully spouted.

 _Shit._

"Pssht - the hell ever," he replied as he snuggled her in his arms even tighter.

Another sharp stab of pain sliced through her abdomen and she flinched in his embrace. Gripping his hand with hers as she clenched her eyes shut and grimaced again.

"Ow, ow, ow - ah - ah - ah... oh... owowow _!_ " she yelped.

She pouted again and pressed the back of her head against his chest even harder.

"Shh, shh - easy sweetie, easy - shh - it's okay - it'll pass," he cooed against her cheek as he began to gently rub her belly with his large hand, which when fully extended, nearly encompassed the entirety of her stomach.

Strained, painful breaths whistled through the crevice between her lips, each one sounding more desperate for relief than the previous. She gripped his sleeve, tightly curling the fabric in between her fingers during a lash of pain which triggered another cringe and flinch in her body. Then, during the smallest of reprieves, her attention darted to the touch of his hand rubbing her stomach.

"Oh, keep - keep doing that," she said with her eyes closed as she swallowed, letting her head limply fall to the side and rest against his chin.

He gradually increased the circumference of the ovoid path his hand traced around her stomach.

"Helpin'?"

"Uh-huh," she peeped with a quick nod.

She concentrated on the gentle touch and pleasant sound of the rain pounding on the roof above them, mentally following the gliding trail of his hand over her shirt and across her stomach. The sensation, oddly enough, caused the pain to fade. Even if only slightly, and eventually she loosened the grip on his sleeve.

"Phhhheewwww - that's helping - don't... don't stop."

"Shh - I won't - wouldn't dream of it," he soothed as he rested the side of his head against the top of hers.

She took another difficult but calming, deep breath and managed to smile.

After a few seconds of simply listening to her breathe, he cleared his throat. He was far too impatient to wait any longer when it came to questioning the source of the mysterious pain.

"So, what're we dealin' with here? What's goin' on?"

With her eyes still closed and her head firmly pressed against his chest, the crest of it resting against his chin, she let out an elongated exhale.

"I... I don't know," she pouted.

"You eat somethin' bad this mornin' that's botherin' you?"

She gulped and began absentmindedly curling and uncurling her fingers into his sleeve. For some reason, she didn't know why, the action seemed to help.

"No - I mean, I don't think so - ate the usual - not like it was anything brand fucking new."

"Well uhh... do you - ya know - " he paused and cleared his throat again before giving way to the smallest, almost hidden, of snickers.

"Gotta use the bathroom? Reckon uhh... when my stomach's botherin' me, that just about sets everything straight," he said through his quiet chuckles.

 _Why're you gigglin' like a damn child? What, are you eight again? C'mon Joel... but I've never seen her with a tummy ache - girl's got a damn stomach made of iron._

She let out a guffaw and turned her head as far to the right as she could to see him, craning her neck.

"What - no! I do _not!_ Thank you very much!" she blurted out in a humorous tone.

He laughed.

"Alright, alright - just makin' sure. But, everything still workin' as intended down there?" he asked, still concerned her _gift_ would creep an unexpected and new side effect on them at any moment.

She blushed as she wiggled and snuggled even closer into him.

"Yes," she simply said, crossing both arms atop his.

"Good," he responded, the word muffled through a kiss to her hair.

 _Oh wait... oh no - no, no, no. Don't tell me it's her appendix. Fuck no, shit... I ain't a goddamn surgeon. I remember when Sarah had hers taken out - Jesus what a night that was._

"Ellie - I need you to do somethin' for me okay?"

She winced as another sliver of pain shot through her.

"Ah - oh ow - ahhh... uhh... yeah, sure... don't know what the fuck you want me to do right _now_ though."

"I know - it's nothin' - it's gonna be easy. I just want you tell me if it hurts even more after I do this okay?"

"Uhhh... okay - what're you gonna do?"

The hand that'd been rubbing her stomach in small circles for the better part of the last fifteen minutes came to a stop, and he lightly pressed the tip of a finger against the right side of her abdomen.

"That hurt?"

"Unh-unh," she said with a short shake of the head.

He pressed harder.

"How 'bout that?"

"Nope."

He heaved a massive sigh of relief and resumed rubbing her stomach.

"What the fuck was that all about?" she asked in confusion.

He kissed her hair once again.

"I just wanted to make sure we don't have a uhh... burstin' appendix situation on our hands."

Her eyes popped open in a panic and she gulped.

"Uhh - what... what's that?"

"No, no, no - I think you're fine. Don't worry - just... sometimes, kids your age have to get their appendix taken out 'cause it gets all swelled up - or infected - or somethin'. If you don't get it out before it bursts - can actually kill you I think, but I ain't a damn doctor. Sarah had hers removed an' I just wanted to be sure we're okay on that front."

"By poking me in the gut?"

"Tssht - trust me girl, if it was your appendix, you would'a shrieked an' squealed when I poked you there."

"Oh... well, glad we can cross that one off the list then."

"Yes ma'am."

"Just... what the crap is different here? I ain't ever seen you with a tummy ache... ever - I think," he continued.

"Well - I mean, not _everything_ is uhh... business as usual I guess," she softly said, her fingers resuming the act of toying with his sleeve.

"Oh? What you mean?" he asked, tilting his head to the side to catch a glimpse of her face.

She blushed again and daintily shifted her feet on the mattress, rubbing the little things together at the toes.

"I umm... started bleeding again... this morning - right after I woke up."

A massive, ironic smile stretched across his lips and he uncorked an even bigger sigh of relief as he looked towards the ceiling.

 _Duh Joel! No shit you dumb ass! Why the HELL did you not think of that!? Poor girl's just havin' cramps! That's all! Nothin' more than that. Phew - was gettin' worried there._

"Oh thank Christ," he muttered under his breath.

"What the - why is that _good?_ This hurts and really sucks!" she stammered.

Sensing the worried and even scared tone behind her voice, he held her even tighter and kissed her on the cheek.

"No, no - shh - Ellie, I'm relieved 'cause now I know you're just fine. Trust me."

"What!? How the fuck do you know!?"

"Well now that I know _that_ crucial piece of info, it all makes sense. You're just havin' uhh... cramps. Part of that whole... bleedin' thing."

"Cramps?"

"Mmhmm - Sarah's mom used to get 'em bad. I obviously don't know what they feel like but she said they hurt like _hell._ "

She began to relax once again and replanted the back of her head against his chest, letting her weight fall into him.

"So... everything's fine... sort of?"

"Yes sweet pea - you're fine. It'll pass - I promise... just gonna suck for awhile," he said, continuing to rub her stomach.

She blew a raspberry then sighed.

"Man - this whole period shit really fucking blows."

"It does indeed. You still got all that uhh... stuff you need, from Maria?"

"Yeah - she apparently stuffed more in my pack before we left - I've got plenty. Sooo... I'm all good there."

He smiled and snorted.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothin' - that woman... she's - she's a damn saint. Tommy better be treatin' her right."

"Yeah... I kinda miss them actually - they were cool," she said.

His eyebrows arched in reaction to her statement. A statement that expressed an ounce of human connection that he'd come to think was rare, if not impossible for his little girl. All this time, he'd never _once_ heard her utter a peep of anything that demonstrated a sliver of empathy with someone _other_ than himself. For the first time, he was actually appreciative of the world for letting her experience a somewhat normal and healthy _friendship_. Instead of getting hurt or having her already damaged psyche kicked deeper into a black hole like they were so used to.

"Yeah - yeah they were - good people those two."

All of a sudden, she cringed and flinched again as more shocks of pain from the cramps that refused to let go went through her body.

"Oh god - ah, ah, ah - aauuugghh - it h-h-h-hurrrrttts!" she bellowed out.

He tried to tenderly corral her squirming, little self and kissed her on the hair once again.

 _Oh honey - my poor girl._

"I know baby - I know. Shh - it'll pass eventually - I swear."

She let out another pout and curled up into a ball, turning onto her side as she pressed against him.

"Why don't you close your eyes - try an' get some sleep alright?" he said as he looked down, wrapping both arms around her.

She nuzzled into his chest and nodded.

"Okay."

Minutes went by as they lay in silence, simply listening to each other's breathing and the sound of the pouring rain that pelted the roof of the trailer. Every so often she twitched and winced in pain, causing him to pull her closer and coddle her with more affection. Hoping it would somehow make a difference and ease the discomfort away. And it did, even if only slightly.

"It's kinda cool isn't it?" she softly peeped with a small smile.

"What is?"

"Just, you know... hearing nothing but the rain outside - knowing it's cold and shitty out there but we're in here, all comfy and warm and stuff. I dunno - it just feels... nice."

She lightly shifted in his arms and gently slid her cheek against his shirt. A tickle of warmth fluttered through her, knowing it was cold, rainy and miserable in the dark cruel world beyond the trailer. Yet there she lay, cuddled in her favorite place, warm, snuggled and comfy as could be.

 _Heh - reckon she's actually right. It is kinda._

"It does," he laconically responded as he closed his eyes and smiled, resting his chin on her head.

"Joel," she peeped.

"Hmm?"

"You... you were just kidding about earlier... right?" she mumbled, still resting the side of her head against his chest while nuzzled into his shirt.

 _Don't play dumb this time jackass - you know what she's referin' to._

"Of _course_ sweetheart, I love you more than... shit, I dunno - _everything_ else in the damn universe combined."

She didn't respond and instead only sighed happily then smiled. He couldn't see it, but he _felt_ it as the dimples formed in her cheeks, causing them to stretch up and slide against the fabric of his shirt.

"You're my daughter - _my_ baby girl - don't let anyone convince you otherwise... even me."

He pecked her hair with a few rapid, light kisses.

"Now try an' get some sleep okay?" he said as he gently rubbed her arm.

Not a word escaped her lips in response, and he could already hear the light, little whistles of air rushing out of her nose. A sure sign that she was fast asleep, as if she was merely waiting to doze off until hearing him coo another testament of paternal love and care. He smiled and pulled her in tighter, relishing this moment, just like she was earlier. It was dark, cloudy, wet and nearly freezing cold outside yet here he was, cuddling, holding and keeping warm that which mattered most in his arms.

Unlike her, he couldn't nap even if he wanted to. Knowing she was in pain and discomfort kept him awake, _having_ to know that her breathing and beat of her heart continued uninterrupted. He sat there, listening to the rain and adoring the tiny framed girl in his arms and began to reflect on everything he'd been through with this feisty, little sprite. A small chuckle rippled through him, recalling how dismissive he was towards her at first and how _sour_ her presence and personality was. Yet, as time went on, they both managed to crack the hardened, outer shell of their respective defenses and nestle into each other's hearts. So deeply, it were as if each successive heartbeat was now _dependent_ on the other's existence.

Even now he surprised himself when contemplating the current circumstances. An ex-hunter, capable of the cruelest and most inhumane deeds the world had ever seen, nearly _rotten_ to the core, was somehow able to resurrect the father within him and once again learn what it was like to truly _love_ something. He'd murdered, tortured and was callused and rough with everything he did. Yet, he was always so _gentle_ and _tender_ with this little girl who became his daughter. Who, in her own right was rough, tough, hardened and still even a little sour, yet also so irresistibly _sweet_ , _delicate_ and _lovable._

But _only_ to him. When it came to managing who had the keys to her heart, she was _always_ the one in control. She _let_ him in, slowly pulling in the rope tied around his waist every step of the way on their journey which began in Boston.

Nearly an hour went by while he watched her sleep in his embrace, adoring her little self and appreciating each and every endearing feature. He took note of the familiar and soothing scent of her greasy hair. Which always looked as if it was chaotically thrown together into a pony tail in a mess, yet still somehow carefully planned to look the same every single day.

He gently caressed her cheek, curiously rubbing a thumb over the scar above her eye. Feeling his touch linger, she unhinged a little peep and nuzzled into his hand. As if she was _letting_ him inspect the adoring qualities and attributes that made up the core of who she was. He admired the faint dimples in her cheeks, the freckles that spotted them, her clear and youthful complexion that had yet to be wrinkled and damaged from fifty years of pain, the curvature, shape and button of her nose, the way her hair always so stubbornly fell to one side more than the other and the cute, curled up position of her dainty little fingers that rested centimeters from her lips as she slept in his arms. He smiled and let out a deep exhale.

"Don't know what the hell I'd do without you," he said under his breath as he brushed aside a stray bang dangling down her forehead.

She gently lifted her head and let out a yawn.

"Hey there sleepy head," he said.

She smiled and stretched both arms up before returning them to their usual resting place, atop his or his hands in some manner.

"Man - that was fucking awesome," she said, turning ninety degrees to rest her back against his torso.

"Reckon you needed it - feelin' better?"

"Mmmm... mostly. Still a bit achy but it's manageable now," she answered.

 _Thank god - kills me seein' you in pain._

"Good," he said, forming another cocoon around her with his arms.

"You know - " he started before clearing his throat.

"You've never told me where you got that scar of yours."

She snickered and wiped the slightest bit of drool off of her lip that remained from the short but deep slumber.

"I haven't?"

"Nope."

"Well - back in the military school in Boston, I umm... used to get into lots of fights."

He snorted then let loose a small laugh and rolled his eyes.

"You... you don't say huh?" he replied, the claim not surprising him in slightest.

"Yeah, yeah - laugh it up big guy... but yeah, _lots._ "

"You win?"

She wiggled in his arms and swelled with pride.

"Mostly," she said with a grin.

"Tssht - 'course you did - that's my little Ellie."

"But one time... a couple of boys - quite a few years older than me - beat me up pretty bad."

He flinched at the thought and squeezed her tighter.

 _Goddammit I hate thinkin' about you gettin' constantly beat up - nearly makes me sick._

"I think they were friends with some kid that I punched in the face the week before. Anyway - one of them hit me really fucking hard - knocked me down and I ended up banging my head into a table," she said, bringing a hand up to rub the scar with a finger.

"Hurt like _fuuuuck,_ " she continued.

"I... I bet it did."

"I stabbed one of 'em in the leg though - so that was awesome."

He laughed.

"You need stitches?"

"Yep, so that's how I got this fucking thing. It's the first thing I notice when I look in the mirror - every time," she said with a sigh.

 _Christ you've had such a hard childhood - if only I could make up for every second of it._

"My poor baby," he cooed as he kissed her on the cheek.

She brought both knees into her chest and curled into a ball in his enveloping grasp.

"Well - we ain't ever gonna let that happen again," he assured her.

"Joel."

"Yep?"

"Can... can I be honest with you?" she sheepishly asked, fiddling with his sleeve once again.

"Always sweet pea."

She took a deep breath and fidgeted, struggling to find the words to speak her mind.

"I umm... ugh - "

"C'mon now - spit it out - it's just me."

"I know just gimme a second."

"Alright - take all the time you need," he said with a snicker.

Nearly a minute went by as she tapped her chin with a finger and pondered what to say. Both of them were still, even now, learning how to express a part of themselves that had been suppressed or in her particular case, non-existent, for years.

"Okay. I just... blargh - it... grrr! Okay, blah! It feels... _really_ good knowing how umm... safe I am with you. And that, you know - I don't have to worry about getting beaten up all the time or being abandoned for like the hundredth fucking time. Instead, I'm here - " She paused as she smiled and patted both of his arms. "warm and, you know - actually _loved,_ like I don't have to be scared or worried about anything. Like I can finally just be... a kid - as much as one can be in this fucking world... I guess?" she finished, arching her neck back to look up at him as she scrunched her face.

A massive smile stretched across his face as a tingle of warmth shot through him. That was _exactly_ how he wanted her to feel and it gave him the smallest bit of hope that he was succeeding at fulfilling his role as a loving father.

He bent down and kissed her on the forehead.

"That's... that's all I'm tryin' for - makin' up for lost time. You deserve it - _every_ second of it."

The scrunch of her face dissipated and she smiled, feeling the tingle of anxiety in her nerves from exposing herself scamper away in the process.

"Well umm... keep it up mister," she playfully said.

"Wait - I just thought about this... was the uhh... the first time anyone _ever_ held you - 'side from when you were first born with your mom - was it... after, you know - when I found ya in that damn blazin' restaurant?" he queried.

He felt her muscles go limp and sensed the shiver that crawled up her spine. She arched her neck once again and looked up at him with a pitiful, almost tear filled expression as she simply nodded in silence.

"Oh _god_ \- my little baby - oh honey - that's so fuckin'..." he cooed, clutching her as close to him as he could, pressing his nose into her hair.

"It was," she peeped with a sniffle.

"I... I didn't think much of it in the moment - 'cause yeah... but after we got out... it - it was all I could think about. It felt... weird and kinda strange, but I dunno - it... it also felt really _good._ Bleh - I'm sounding dumb now, I don't know how else to say it," she continued, finishing with a light, awkward laugh.

"It ain't dumb - it's _supposed_ to feel that way."

"Well - that was the first time anyone ever hugged or held me like that... like, _really_ held me."

She strained her neck even more, trying to meet his eyes with hers.

"It's why I... I like it so much here _,_ " she said with a timid smile, tapping his thick, tree-branch like arms that had her wrapped up in a protective cocoon.

"I feel like I... missed out - so I can't get enough - 'cause we're making up for it, like you said... right?" she continued, her smile waning in the process.

"That's right - an' lucky for you, you've turned my sappy ass into a big goddamn softy," he said with snicker.

"I know," she said, her smile returning.

He cleared his throat.

"'Sides - Sarah, when she was little - _constantly_ wanted to be held. I didn't mind, hell - got used to it honestly, actually kinda missed it when she grew out of it. Some kids are like that - others ain't, just the way it is."

"Well I don't know much about her, but I can tell you we at least have _that_ in common, so you better not fucking mind!" she exclaimed with a grin.

"I - I don't, trust me - never," he responded through a light laugh.

It was odd. She was the strangest combination of child and grown adult. Part of her was callused, hardened and prepared to face circumstances that caused most grown men to cower in fear. Her metaphorical tires, though only fifteen years old, had hundreds of thousands of miles already driven on them. The tread on them worn so thin, like a set of Goodyears on a sixties muscle car that hadn't been replaced in over fifty years. Yet the other half, the _endearing_ , childish half, that _never_ had a chance to expose itself and be nurtured, was blossoming before them in the most unhindered way. She finally, after all these painful, damaging fifteen years, was getting to be the infant she never got to be. And neither he, nor she, cared to stop it.

A moment of silence fell between them as he held her tight, feeling her wiggle and snuggle into him as close as she could. They had nowhere they _had_ to be and didn't need to satisfy the schedule of anyone but their own. Right here, in a dilapidated, rundown and nearly broken-in-half trailer that sat in the pouring rain, snuggled together, was the only place they wanted to reside.

Suddenly her eyes widened and she gasped.

"Hey!" she blurted out in excitement, causing him to twitch in surprise.

"Jesus - what... what now?"

She belted out a laugh.

"Haha sorry... I - I dunno what got into me, but umm... you know what I just realized?"

"What's that?"

"You're not sick anymore! I haven't heard you cough once since we left Idaho!" she stammered, spinning herself around in his arms to see his face.

It looked much fuller than before, back to its original rugged and tough look. Not an inch of him seemed gaunt or sick and he no longer _smelled_ like he was ailing. The cold, slimy sweat that encompassed his skin which soaked through his shirt was no more. And the collective, healthy sight of him caused her to unleash a massive grin of joy, shining the whites of her teeth in the fading, ambient light.

He reached out and brushed aside a stray lock of her hair.

"That's right kiddo - good as new," he said.

"Awesome!" she exclaimed, raising a hand for a high-five.

He immediately obliged and smacked the small palm with his.

"Glad you think so."

He cleared his throat.

"You know... Katelyn uhh... she said you were pretty freaked out when I got carried off. Said you were pacin' around like a weirdo - constantly askin' when to leave an' whatnot - not sleepin' for a second. Reckon you must'a missed my sorry ass pretty bad."

She let out a guffaw, crossed her arms and rocked back onto her heels.

"Pssht! Was not! She's remembering it way wrong... I was cool as ice dude!"

"Oh yeah? You just pass the hell out an' sleep like a damn rock when you see me now? Makin' me carry your skinny little butt around for the rest of the day?" he rhetorically asked with a playful smile as he patted her on the back, his arms still wrapped around her.

She leered at him then stuck out her tongue.

"Blllluueehh - fine! I was scared okay! That was the longest we'd been apart - since - " she paused and sifted through her thoughts as she counted on her _fingers_ the number of times they'd been split up. "I dunno - ever! Fourteen hours, thirty seven minutes and like... I guess, seventeen seconds."

He let out a boisterous laugh.

"Jesus, you - you counted?"

She rolled her eyes and heaved a sigh.

"Well - mostly yeah... might be off by a few minutes since everything kinda blurred together when I was trying to save your fucking ass," she said, lightly jabbing him in the chest with a small fist.

"I - I missed you, okay? And I can't sleep without you - you know that! So there, fine, I said it. I was a fucking wreck - I know. So what?" she continued with a timid smile, tossing both hands up in the air, just above her shoulders.

"Tssht - you're cute. Well for the record I was worried sick - missed the hell outta you too ya little bugger," he said as he pinched her nose.

She scrunched her face and tried to lightly wiggle it free from his grasp.

"Why do you always do that?" she asked with a light laugh, though she tried to hold it back.

"'Cause... I can't help it, reckon sometimes it's just gotta be pinched."

"Bleh - I don't like my nose, it's covered in freckles."

"I - I know, an' it's very cute," he said through a small chuckle and humored nod.

"Ugh - whatever," she said as she nonchalantly rolled away, flopping down on the edge of the mattress and lying on her side.

"Oh c'mon now, don't be like that," he groaned.

She didn't respond and simply lay there, back towards him, staring at the wall in silence.

"Ellie..."

Again, she gave no response.

"Ahh - I see. This is gettin' back at me for earlier huh? Alright then, I'll just uhh - " he paused as he quietly and slowly lurched over to her, bringing his face just above her shoulder, hoping to catch a glimpse of her expression.

Suddenly, she spun over and jumped up, letting out a playful roar as she dove into him.

"Raaawwwwwrrr!" she belted out, pretending to gnaw on his shirt.

He flinched and tightly wrapped her up in his arms, letting out a roar of his own.

"Raaaaaawwwwrrr!"

She squirmed and writhed in his embrace, trying to break free while simultaneously nipping at his shirt.

"Arrrrggghh - arrrgghh," she softly growled again, just barely wiggling herself away, refusing to give into his persistent tickling like she usually did.

 _The hell!? She ain't givin' up yet!?_

After muttering another set of little, playful growls she pulled up and rocked back onto her heels.

"Hah! I totally won that time! Yes!" she exclaimed proudly.

He rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Great - so what're we at now - ten to one, me?" he asked with a taunting smirk.

"Oh hah-hah, whatever - hey - let me bask in the glory of my victory here okay?" she said, crossing her arms.

"Alright - go ahead, gloat all you want."

"I will. Aahhhhhhh man - it feels fucking good to be a winner. But you wouldn't know right?" she said with an antagonizing smile as she reached her arms up in the air for an exaggerated stretch.

"Like hell I don't."

Then, a loud crackle of lightning and thunder abruptly shattered the otherwise quiet air around them, filling the stormy sky outside with a bright, white and purplish glow for nanoseconds at most.

She belted out a surprised and scared, little noise as she dove into him, wrapping both arms around his neck.

"Woah - Jesus Ellie, easy - it's just - "

Another booming shot of thunder interrupted him and the noise slipped out of her again as she curled up and pressed against him.

Without hesitation, he wrapped both arms around her and held her tight.

"Shh - it's just thunder - nothin' to be scared of, I gotcha don't worry."

The frequency of her breaths spiked but she was already beginning to calm in his arms.

"I - I know... I still don't like it - I don't know why," she muttered.

"That uhh... that explains that one mornin' - right after we left Pittsburgh - when I woke up with you all up in my space," he said with a snicker as he lay himself down, keeping her in his arms.

She snuggled against him, resting her head on his shoulder, her nose mere inches from his chin as she stretched a small arm over him.

"You - you remember that?" she asked.

He wrapped an arm up her back and over her shoulder then began softly petting her hair.

"'Course I do - reckon it was stormin' the night before - think you curled up next to me in the middle of the night."

"Yes," she simply said with a slight blush in her cheeks.

They both vividly remembered that night. It was the first time she realized that his adjacent presence while they slept, made her feel _safe._ Though, the next morning, neither said a word about it. Both were taken aback, albeit slightly confused as to what the action meant, if anything.

Yet another crackle of lightning and grumble of thunder echoed through the sky. Only this time, she didn't even flinch and instead affectionately snuggled even tighter against him as she happily sighed.

"See sweetie? Ain't that bad," he said, continuing to stroke her hair.

"It isn't _now,_ " she replied.

He chuckled.

"So lemme get this straight - Clickers, Runners, Bloaters, Hunters an' Bandits - an' quite frankly everything else - don't scare ya, but needles an' thunder do?" he asked, tilting his head so he could just barely see the side of her face, faintly making out the bat of her eyelashes in his peripherals.

"You're forgetting one," she peeped.

 _Goddammit - don't let her ever think that one will happen - ever._

"You know that one ain't _ever_ gonna happen. Not ever," he softly said, gently bringing her cheek to his lips.

He gave it a quick succession of kisses, feeling the dimples in her cheek form beneath them as she smiled.

"Better not," she said.

"It won't."

Another short period of silence fell between them, only to be broken by her once again.

"Joel, you never told me a story," she said, sliding her cheek against his shirt as she tried to look up at him.

He sighed and gazed towards the ceiling, pondering which pleasant memory to pull from his head and share.

"Hmm alright... you ever heard of Christmas?"

"Eh - only a little bit from the older soldiers in Boston," she said with a shrug.

"Alright, well, it was a _big_ holiday before everything went to hell."

"Oh?"

"Yep - families would all get together, eat a bunch of food an' uhh... give each other gifts an' stuff."

"Gifts?"

"Yeah - " he paused and laughed to himself.

 _She's gonna find this shit so ridiculous I just know it._

"What? What's so funny?" she asked, lifting her head from his shoulder.

"So, I dunno who - but someone made up this uhh... I guess Christmas character an' myth - called Santa Claus."

"Santa Claus? What the fuck is that?"

 _Oh we're only gettin' started an' she's already startin' to crack up._

"Well - he's basically a big fat guy in a red suit with a huge white beard who uhh... " he paused again and rubbed the back of his head, realizing how absurd the entire Christmas ordeal was going to sound to the little, auburn haired girl snuggled up against him.

"Supposedly he'd fly - yes I said fly - around in a sleigh... towed by twelve reindeer - go around the world an' slide down people's chimneys to give 'em presents," he said, hardly able to keep a straight face.

He stared at her, eagerly awaiting the incoming reaction.

She didn't disappoint.

She burst out into boisterous laughter, dropping her head and pressing her nose nose into his shirt as her little frame vibrated and shook with snickers and giggles. To him, it was of course the _greatest_ sound on the planet.

"S-s-sorry... oh my god - that's... so _fucking_... I - I don't even know!" she finally spouted through her hysterics, nearly snorting as she finished.

"I - I know, pretty damn ridiculous right?" he responded through chuckles of his own.

"Yes! What the fuck!? It's also... umm - that's kinda creepy too. Some random fat guy in a red suit breaking into your home through your chimney!? Hahaha! I'd shoot the motherfucker if he came into my house!" she continued, still struggling to speak through her howling laughs.

 _God you crack me up - you're so damn adorable._

He blew a massive shit of air through his lips and snickered to himself again.

"Yep. Pretty damn bizarre."

"Okay, okay - phew - sorry... go - go ahead - continue, please," she said, trying to catch her breath and calm herself.

"Tssht - you gonna live?"

She wiped away a few tears from laughing so hard and let loose one final giggle.

"Yes, yes - I promise - okay, phew, keep going."

"Well, anyway - Sarah figured it all out at like... I dunno - I wanna say six or seven?"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah - she was so damn cute. Tommy an' I woke up Christmas mornin' to find her sittin' on the couch, like - glarin' at us with her arms crossed."

He cleared his throat and resumed gently petting her hair.

"Sadly I can't even... remember what the hell she said - but Tommy an' I got a kick out of it. She figured it out at a young age so I told her to keep quiet - not to tell the other kids at school an' ruin it for 'em," he said with a laugh of his own.

"Hahaha - ohhh man, that's awesome," she said.

"Yeah - was pretty funny. I mean - there ain't no damn Santa Claus, Tommy an' I would just wait for her to go to bed an' wrap all of her presents right then an' there then stick 'em under the tree."

She propped herself up again on an elbow. Her hair all untidy and loosely escaping the knot of her hairband as it hung across one shoulder and she gave him another blank stare of utter confusion.

"Wait, what? There's a fucking _tree?_ "

"Oh yeah - did I not mention that?"

"No! You did not!" she stammered, lightly jabbing him in the bicep.

"Oh, well yeah - you cut down a pine tree an' bring it inside then decorate it an' crap."

She burst into laughter again.

"That's so - what the _fuck!_ Kinda sounds like - I dunno, the behavior of crazy person!" she said through her snorts and snickers.

He laughed at the clever, but oddly true observation.

"I - I reckon you're right about that one."

"Anyway - I imagine you doin' the same damn thing - bustin' my ass over Santa Claus before you even hit age ten," he said, cupping her cheek with a palm.

Her mocking laughs ceased and she smiled. Her big, greenish blue eyes glistened in the quickly fading late-afternoon light.

"You would've figured it out quick - just like her - ain't gettin' shit like that by my little girl," he said with a wink.

Her smile widened, exposing the whites of her teeth.

"Yeah I totally would've - I mean, _come, on,_ it just doesn't make _any_ sense," she proudly said.

"I know - it don't."

She lowered her head back to his shoulder and snuggled up against him, re-stretching an arm over his chest and resting a hand by his neck.

"But - as funny as you may find it, it was... they were good times. Started out as a religious holiday - but, no matter what the hell you believed in, was really all about gettin' together with family an' friends - havin' a good time," he said, gently patting her on the head.

"I'm sure, I don't mean to laugh at your... weird and bizarre rituals - "

"Tssht - _my_ rituals? Try a big chunk of the damn world kiddo," he interrupted.

"Fine, fine - it's just... really weird sounding. Think about it, could you imagine being in my shoes and hearing all of that for the first time, right now?"

"No, no - you're right on - I agree."

"But it was fun?"

He delicately shifted his posture, careful not to disturb his little girl, who was obviously and _ridiculously_ comfortable.

"Yeah - yeah it was."

"When was it?"

His head perked up at the realization that currently, it was indeed December. He had no clue as to what day it was, but knew the holiday was approaching.

"The uhh twenty fifth of December - so actually it's comin' up soon."

"Huh - cool."

"Anyone ever get my little baby Ellie a present?" he asked, pinching her nose once more.

Again, she wiggled her head trying to free it from the pinch of his fingers.

"No - never," she softly spoke with a frown.

 _'Course you haven't - that does it - I'm gettin' you somethin' for Christmas. I'll think of somethin'._

"Oh sweetie - poor baby," he said with a pout before kissing her hair.

"We'll see if we can rectify that one," he continued.

She perked her head up and smiled.

"Really!?" she blurted out.

He tilted his head and met her eyes with his then smiled.

"Mmhmm."

"What're you gonna get me? It better be awesome!"

He snorted.

"Pssht - I can't tell you a damn thing about what I'm getin' you - that ruins the whole point! It's a surprise, you're just gonna have to wait."

She groaned and plopped her head back down on his shoulder.

"Uuuugghhh - okay fine," she said before letting out a happy sigh.

Another pleasant silence fell between them and she began to fiddle with the collar of his shirt.

"Hey Joel."

"Yep?"

"Thanks for making me feel... you know - important and like my fucking existence actually matters to someone."

A flutter of _love_ went through his old and battered self, but also a hint of pain at the thought that she, his little girl, was at point during her life _not_ important to anyone. He tightened his grip around her and lightly rubbed her cheek with the back of his knuckles.

"You _are_ important. You matter to _me_ sweet pea an' I love the hell outta you - more than you know."

"I do know," she muttered under her breath.

He smiled upon hearing the quiet, muffled response, knowing _exactly_ what it meant.

They lay there, listening to the rain and thunder, snuggled together for minutes as he continued to pet her hair. Eventually, he reached over into his pack and pulled out the soft blanket they'd used every night since leaving Jackson. He laid it over her, so just her head and ponytail peaked through the top, then kissed her cheek once more.

"Joel," she muttered once more.

"Yes baby girl?"

"I know it's a surprise, but... don't get me antacids."

He laughed.

"Noted."

In this moment, cuddled in her _favorite_ place where she'd begun to call home, _nothing_ scared her. No needles, no thunder and not even her _greatest_ fear.

* * *

 **AN: So, this chapter was at times difficult to write, but was also a lot of fun. I'm not really sure how good or bad it is in terms of quality... I don't know, but I feel like I've reached the point where I can't _"do"_ any more editing to it. So I think it's ready.**

 **One of things that I, personally, find interesting about other Fanfics (I'm not blaming or criticizing, just making an observation) is the lack of content relating to what these two characters are at the end of the day: Human (and maybe that's because no one finds the topic particularly interesting, which is a totally valid position to take). Despite living in the world they do, struggling with obstacles that _we_ don't have to face, they still have to deal with the minutiae of just frankly being human. Which is something I've wanted to explore more, like... poor Ellie getting menstrual cramps, or what it means to have a stomach ache in their time and world, or Joel's paternal care and worrying, typical of any parent, or Ellie being afraid of thunder like a lot of kids, or both of them wrestling with their own emotional insecurities like everyone does, or dealing with boredom, or understanding how to manage a growing relationship between two people and just _being_ human. **

**So as I got rolling with this one, it got more and more fun to write. I liked imagining Joel teaching Ellie some stupid game he probably played with Sarah on long road trips and explaining to her the concept of Christmas etc. And of course, also, their bond is growing stronger and stronger as they learn to navigate their emotions and express themselves. This was lighter than any of the three previous Twin Falls chapters, that's for sure, and it's dialogue heavy, but I enjoyed writing it and felt like it was another good step in terms of further opening up for these two damaged but lovable individuals.**

 **Hope ya'll liked it, cheers.**


	14. Gray Flannels and Pink Bows

**AN: Hi everyone, I'm sorry for the much longer than usual wait for an update. I was out of town for a few days last week and then the site went down... yeah. Umm, something has also seemed to give me a big sense of discouragement. I don't really know what's different or has changed but I feel like the quality of my writing has waned... I'm not sure. I got pretty bummed out about it and though I really want to finish this story and keep going - I have so many scenarios and things in my head that are just waiting for the ending, I just love these two characters so damn much - I've felt a bit discouraged lately and have a had lack of... creativity I guess. I don't know how many are still reading, but to those of you who are you are too kind and I appreciate it. I really want forge on and keep going, but I cannot guarantee every-other-day updates like I used to do. I'm sorry :(.**

 **Anyway, enough of that rambling. Some people may think I've taken Joel and Ellie out of character at the end... but I don't know - I've evolved and grown their relationship and them as human beings as a whole throughout my stories that it seemed like a natural progression to me.**

 **Also, to Cass: I should have been more specific, you are right. I meant a _Christmas_ gift, not just a gift in general. That is my bad. **

**And to the other reviewer, you are right - Ellie is also scared of fairies... well, they at least creep her out.**

* * *

Five days had passed since they reached the trailer park in Wells, Nevada. It was in the heart of December and the average in the desert wasteland dipped to just above freezing. Joel gave Ellie one of his flannels to wear underneath her plaid hoodie, along with her t-shirt and thermal to stay warm. The soft, warm fabric of the large flannel shirt crumpled into thick bunches under the black and red hoodie, the sleeves of it long enough for her fingers to withdraw into, keeping them protected from the numbing cold.

A nipping, winter wind blew down the interstate-eighty corridor, as if the cruel season they dreaded the most was taunting them with its arrival. Each step they took further west, inching closer and closer to the Sierras, it seemed as if some mystical being looked down on them from the sky, emitting a silent but evil laugh knowing the hardships that awaited them in the mountains.

It was late in the afternoon and they'd begun searching for a place to rest for the evening. Ellie lifted her empty gaze from the blacktop beneath her feet and noticed another sign welcoming them to their next checkpoint.

"Winne - " she started, then scrunched her face in confusion as she paused while trying to read the sign aloud.

"Winne... Winnemucc - Winnemucca? Did I say that right?"

Her voice pulled Joel's mind back to the present. It was the first words either of them spoke in hours. The continuous expanse of nothingness and the biting cold weather along with long days of extended travel was wearing them thin. Silence became a necessity, both of them thinking that every joule of energy spent on something other than the simple act of stepping forward was a waste.

Joel, with his arms pulled back and his thumbs curled around the straps of his backpack, lifted his head as well to read the puzzling town name.

"Winnemucca - yep, that's right."

She let out a small laugh.

"Who the _hell_ came up with that!? Some of the names people came up with in your time Joel... _soooo_ weird!" she said through her chuckles.

A half-amused grunt escaped his cold and almost numb lips.

 _Feel like I haven't heard her talk all damn day - then again neither have I - nice to hear that laugh of hers though._

"Tssht - yeah, right about that. Ain't the funniest name for a town though, I've heard better," he responded.

"Oh really? Do tell," she said with a curious smile.

It was the first time she smiled all day.

"So just south-east of Dallas - in Texas - "

"I know what state Dallas is in, Joel," she said with a roll of the eyes.

"Well sometimes you surprise me with the shit you _don't_ know so - "

"Yeah, yeah, yeah - alright anyway, south-east of Dallas."

"Yep, south east of Dallas there's a place called uhh... Gun Barrel City."

She burst into laughter. The delightful sound reminded him of why they were traveling west. So she could be happy. So _they_ could be happy.

"Are you fucking serious!?"

"Reckon I am there missy."

She wiped her nose with a sleeve of the flannel and continued to laugh.

"God - you Texans are - "

"Are what?" he interrupted, giving her a playful stare and a smirk.

"I dunno - fucking hilarious I guess. Who the hell names a city Gun Barrel!?"

"People in Texas," he laconically responded through a snicker.

She snorted and continued to giggle to herself.

"Hahaha - oh man, that's awesome - too funny."

With the flannel sleeve still wrapped around her hand, she reached for his and held it tight. Somehow, it made her feel warmer in the cold weather. It always made her feel safer, more at ease, protected and closer to him and she wondered why she even let go of it in the first place.

Feeling the small palm wrapped in fabric against his caused him to smile and he cleared his throat.

"Population seven-thousand, four-hundred," he read aloud as they passed the sign.

"Isn't that kinda small?"

"Yeah, it is. But, take a good look around you - we ain't seen shit for miles."

"Eh - you're right. I guess this is the biggest place we've seen since entering this stupid fucking state," she responded with a sigh.

 _Wonder how she's doin' - poor girl looks cold an' tired as hell._

"Joel," she said with the slightest of pouts.

"Yeah? How you doin' kiddo?" he asked, gently rubbing his thumb against her hand as he gave her a sideways glance.

"I'm tired and hungry."

"I know - I am too. Reckon we're gonna be stayin' here for the night," he said with an exasperated groan.

"Alright, well then this is our exit - hope this place doesn't suck," she said with a hint of sarcasm before blowing a raspberry.

"I'll keep my fingers crossed."

They veered off of the highway and trotted down the off ramp, entering the town that sprawled before them. Cars and trucks, heaped in a pile of wreckage in the road littered the street. What used to be a gas station sat on the corner of the nearest intersection. Its windows and doors blown completely off and piles of magazines and newspapers covered the ground around the pumps. To their left, stood a large brick building, covered in overgrowth with big, red, spray-painted words strewn across its walls.

"Joel - look," she quietly said, tugging on his hand and pointing to the brick structure.

Nervous to avert his gaze from the road before them, constantly checking for anything that could be remotely viewed as a threat, he quickly darted his head around to observe her find. The red spray-paint held his attention for longer than he'd wished.

"None will survive," he said as he read the words across the wall.

"Jeez - way to be positive about all of this," she sarcastically said.

"Yeah well, when the outbreak happened people had all sorts of different - "

"Look, another one - up there," she interrupted, pointing to a rotting, wooden structure that was once a popular bar among the locals.

"They did this - let them take you - none will survive," she continued as she read the strange, cryptic transcription.

"What the fuck? Who's _they_? This place is already giving me the creeps... did these people go insane or something?"

He sighed and rubbed his beard. They approached the maze of broken down automobiles and began to slither through it in single file.

"What?" she asked, ensuring the grip on his hand remained tight as she now walked behind him.

"Just... like I was sayin' - people had all sorts of different reactions," he responded over his shoulder.

"Like how?"

"Some people thought it was all some damn conspiracy - that the whole thing was set in motion by the government or some crap," he said as he continued to guide them through the labyrinth of rusted metal.

"Pssht - that's stupid," she said with a snicker.

"Why the fuck would they do that?" she continued.

He chuckled to himself as well.

"Eh - well, after what I've seen can't say I'd be surprised. But, people were just... I dunno - people went nuts for the first few months after the outbreak. Shit, I remember hearin' some folks sayin' it was done by aliens or somethin' crazy like that."

"Aliens? Wait - what? What the fuck are aliens?" she asked, coming to halt in the middle of the road among the crashed cars and trucks.

The ensuing tug on his hand pulled him around and he noticed the usual skeptical, yet curious look across her face.

 _She just has to know everything about everything don't she? Reckon she would'a driven her teachers fuckin' mad at school - hah._

"Uhh... how the hell do I explain this - umm..." he said as he looked towards the ground and rubbed his brow.

"Basically - they're people... things ain't from this planet."

He felt the tightness of her grip on his hand increase.

"You mean like - people from space?" she asked.

"Yeah basically - that's the commonly known definition I guess."

She arched and eyebrow and scrunched her face.

"Sooooo there are other people in outer space then?"

He snickered and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Well - I mean... crap - no one knows, honestly."

"But you just said - "

"I know, I know - but back then the entire concept was really just a damn culturally created thing from T.V. shows an' movies. I mean - people had stories of seein' things in the sky or spottin' some sorta critter runnin' around in their backyard, but most of it was just all made up - no evidence of anything really - 'least not that I know of."

"Huh - okay... but, with _all_ that space up there, how could... it just doesn't make any fucking sense if we are literally the only ones."

"I agree - like I said, it'd be an awful waste of space if we were, but to be honest... no one knows really - ain't a shred of proof that I'm aware of."

"Alright... so some people thought that creatures came down from space, and did all of _this_?" she sarcastically asked with a light laugh.

"I told ya - people thought all sorts of shit."

"Wow - I mean, I guess it's possible but... I dunno - I'm not buying it. It just doesn't make a whole lot of sense, you know?" she said, finishing with a sigh.

 _No wonder she likes to read - girl can't seem to turn off that noodle of hers._

"Yeah... you uhh - " he paused and cleared his throat.

"You ever heard of Occam's razor?"

A frigid gust of wind blew down the road, causing both of them to shiver.

"No, what the hell is that?" she asked, pulling her free hand deeper into the flannel sleeve.

"I ain't one to give ya the official definition but it just means that... ya know - if you got competing theories on somethin', generally the simplest one is the correct one."

"Oh?"

"Yep - hell, what makes more sense an' is more likely? Some goddamn secret government conspiracy, or - " he paused and snickered to himself.

"Aliens... or maybe it's just some virus from this planet an' mother nature herself?"

She shrugged and bit her lip.

"Huh - yeah I see what you're saying I guess."

A few seconds of silence fell between them as she shifted her feet then looked him in the eyes.

"So what do you believe?"

He sighed.

 _You. Us._

"I... I dunno," he said as he wiped a hand down his face.

A slight smirk appeared across her lips, as if she _knew_ what sparks formed from the gears grinding in his head despite the veiled response. He may have always known what she needed, but she could always see through him. Reading him like a book was as natural and easy as flipping through the pages of Savage Starlight.

"I thought I knew the way the world worked - then... shit just... turned upside down on me - everything. All I know is that right now I believe in gettin' our asses to California safe an' sound."

"Yeah, okay," she said with a widening smile and a nod.

Suddenly, the click of a rifle lever being pulled back shattered the otherwise silent air around them.

"Freeze and put your hands where I can see them," a stern voice said.

* * *

"Oh shit!" Joel spat as he snapped himself around.

He pulled Ellie closer against him, feeling her grip on his hand tighten and her fingers immediately dig into the back of his shirt.

"I said put your hands where I can see them asshole!" the man yelled.

Four men, Hunters, three with a firearm pointed in their direction and the other wielding a crowbar, stood twenty feet in front of them among the maze of cars.

"Joel!" Ellie anxiously peeped behind him.

"It's okay - stay back baby," he quickly said under his breath as he rose both hands in the air, trying to position himself directly in front of her.

 _Please tell me they didn't see her._

"And the girl," the lead Hunter said with a small motion of his rifle.

 _Goddammit._

Joel gulped and felt Ellie shuffle out from behind him and stand at his side. She rose both hands in the air and looked up at him, unsure of what to do.

"Just stay close honey," he whispered as he gave her a sideways glance.

He didn't even have to say it, she was already nudging up against the side of his torso.

"Looks like you two took a wrong turn and it's our lucky day," one of the Hunters said.

"We're just tryin' to pass on through - don't want any trouble," Joel said.

The four Hunters, who appeared famished and practically emaciated looked at each other and let out a sinister laugh.

"Passing through huh?" the lead one asked.

Joel and Ellie simply nodded. Another gust of wind blew past them, wafting the foul scent of the four filthy men in their direction. They smelled as if they hadn't bathed in years.

"I see. Well - it's gonna cost you old man," he continued.

Joel gritted his teeth and grunted.

 _Don't you dare fuckin' say it asshole._

"We got umm... plenty of food. You - you guys look pretty fucking hungry if you ask me," Ellie said.

 _No... shit, we - she needs that food - I'll be damned if I let her go hungry._

The four hunters uncorked another a nefarious laugh in unison. The sound sent a chill down both of their spines.

"Food's a given - I was talking about you there cupcake," the Hunter said with a lick of his lips.

She cringed and felt another shiver crawl down her spine as the Hunter's threat repeatedly ran through her mind. All at once, she was angry, sad, terrified and quickly filled with rage yet also began to quiver in fear. Those words, _that_ threat, tore at the emotional scab that had been slowly healing since the last winter. She gulped and tears of pain and hate began to fill her eyes.

"Back the _fuck_ off!" Joel barked, the veins in his neck protruding through the surface of his skin as he sidestepped in front of Ellie and instinctively reached a hand back towards her.

He was a lion fiercely protecting its cub. Within seconds of his massive frame hiding her, she knelt down and took off her backpack. She quickly and stealthily unzipped the largest pouch and rummaged through it.

 _The hell is she doin'?_

"Stupid - motherfuckers - pieces of shit," she quietly spat under her breath as she sifted through her pack.

The Hunters all looked at each other and snickered.

"Check out this asshole - c'mon Phil, just blow his fucking head off already will you?"

Joel felt Ellie flinch behind him following the maniacal request of the Hunter. Each passing second, he sensed the fuming-with-rage aura emanating from her small self. A faint, metallic rattle echoed behind him and the next he thing he saw was a metal canister arcing through the air towards the Hunters.

Ellie reached up and violently tugged on the back of his shirt, causing him to twitch upon realizing what was coming next.

He dove to the ground and pulled her into his arms as he pushed himself backwards against the side of a car.

"What the fuck!? Shoot them you - " one of the Hunters yelled, only to be fatally interrupted by the explosion of the nail bomb flung by Ellie.

 _BANG!_

The loud boom rippled through the area and the two of them heard the quick, sudden pings of shrapnel slamming into the derelict automobiles surrounding them. Three of the Hunters were caught in the middle of the blast. Their flesh tore to pieces, the bomb beheading one of them and blasting away the legs of the other two.

Their screams of pain lasted mere seconds, no more.

Joel gulped and wiped his brow.

"Je - Jesus Ellie - good thinkin'," he said through a panted breath.

"Shh! Wait! There's still one more!" she spat as she ripped away from his grasp, peeking her head up to look through the car's window.

"Serious?" he asked, turning himself around to get a glimpse as well.

"Yes! The asshole with the crowbar - piece of shit dove outta the way."

All they could see was the leftover smoke cloud from the bomb and blood splattered across the ground.

Joel drew his pistol and leaned around the front end of the car.

"Careful!" Ellie whispered, reaching a hand towards him, half wanting him to stay put.

He crouched and quietly made his way around the front of the car, gun in hand. Just as he turned to his right, he heard the sound of footsteps rapidly approaching him from behind. He spun back around and pointed his gun then pulled the trigger, but only to have the last Hunter immediately slam the crowbar down on his arms, causing the bullet to fire into the asphalt.

"Aaaggh! Fuck!" he screeched in pain.

"Joel!" Ellie shouted.

The protective instincts of her own kicked in. Without even thinking, she unhitched her switchblade and frantically dove over the hood of the car. As the man wielding the blunt weapon that threatened her purpose cocked his arms for another swing, she leaped onto his back, ramming her knife into the base of his neck.

"Get the fuck away from him!" she screamed as she repeatedly stabbed him over and over again.

Blood spurted out of his neck, spraying across his disgusting, filthy and slimy skin that hadn't felt the touch of soap or a washcloth in years. The crowbar fell from his hands, clanking against the pavement below. His legs went limp and he fell to his knees as he gurgled and twitched in his final moments of life, blood continuing to spout from his mouth.

He was beyond dead. But she was still angry. She was still stabbing.

"Fuck you - fuck you - fuck you!" she shouted, driving the blade into his corpse as she punctured hole after hole into it.

Tears dripped from her eyes. She wasn't sure why she was crying. She only knew the waste-of-life that lay before her threatened rip away the one thing that mattered most.

"Ellie! Ellie! Stop!" Joel clamored as he quickly lowered to the ground and tried to pull her into his arms and away from the mutilated corpse.

"Gah - agh - goddammit!" she stammered through her panting as she squirmed about.

"Ellie! Stop! Stop. Stop... it's okay - we're okay," he said, his voice coming to a soft hush as he gently held her face.

She finally came down from the white flash of fury. Her hands shook and she could hardly breathe.

 _Christ girl - killed 'em all by yourself._

"Shh breathe sweetie - are you hurt?" he asked.

She wiped both eyes with a sleeve and gulped, forcing the next wave of tears to hide behind her eyelids.

"Unh-unh," she responded with a shake of the head.

"Too damn close - but shit Ellie, that was all you," he said with a deep breath as he rose to his feet, helping her up in the process.

"Yeah - motherfuckers," she hissed under her breath as she wiped her brow.

"Let's get the fuck out of here," she continued, immediately reaching for his hand and stepping forward.

"Yes ma'am."

They tentatively made their way through the heart of town, seeking a place to rest for the night. Nearly an hour of dead silence from Ellie went by. Her head was drooped down as she kept her gaze focused on the ground below and nothing more. The light skip in her step seemed to have faded and each time he spoke, he received a painfully terse response. However, despite the sudden change in her body language, her hand remained firmly gripped around his.

She _refused_ to let it go.

 _You know what's on her mind. Just... no - don't bring it up. My poor baby girl... every time I fuckin' think she's healin', shit like this reminds me how goddamn hurt she is._

With an exaggerated amount of effort and volume, he cleared his throat.

Not a peep escaped her lips in response. Her eyes continued to stare at the ground and she didn't even flinch.

 _The hell you doin' dumb ass? She's squeezin' your hand so damn hard it nearly hurts - don't say a damn thing. Bein' here for her right now is what she needs an' you're doin' exactly that. Just shut the hell up an' be quiet - let her come to you when she's ready._

They turned off of the main road, onto a smaller side street in hopes of finally finding a place to rest. The temperature was quickly dropping and exhaustion and hunger were already digging their way into both of them.

Tiny, one story bungalows staggered along the edge of the road in a line. The wood siding on all of them was rotted and the original paint color that once covered the houses was unrecognizable.

 _This place is a shit hole - but it'll have to do._

While his head was cranked to the left, examining each structure they passed by, he felt Ellie come to a stop. His attention immediately turned to her and for the first time since tearing her away from violently stabbing the corpse of the Hunter, he witnessed her eyes gazing upward as opposed to emptily staring at the ground.

He hesitantly traced the path they left in the air with his. An eerie, terrifying tingle scurried through every nerve in his body.

Hanging before them from a streetlamp were two skeletons. One the size of a grown adult and the other that of a small child. The skinny, frail bones of their fingers somehow remained intertwined. A dark gray, tattered, flannel shirt hung over the rib cage of the larger one and a faded pink bow draped across the shoulders of the other. The tips of it fluttered in the wind after each gust.

 _Oh fuck - goddamn..._

She gulped then sniffled. Both sounds, though as quiet as they were, slithered into his ears.

That, along with the sight, nearly _shattered_ him. He clenched his throat and reigned in the burn of tears in his eyes.

"C'mon - we're findin' a place for the night an' tomorrow we're gettin' the hell outta here."

She squeezed his hand even tighter and nodded.

* * *

"See? This ain't so bad - got ourselves a cozy twin mattress here, a place to keep dry an' outta the wind. Pretty good right kiddo?" Joel asked.

Ellie was lying on her side at the edge of the mattress, facing away from him. All he could see was the auburn ponytail of hers sprawling out over the hood of her plaid sweatshirt and the barely noticeable rise and fall of her chest.

She didn't respond.

His hand remained firmly held by hers, lying over her waist and pulled down to her stomach. She still refused to let it go. He made an earlier attempt to pull it away, only to immediately feel the strong tug in return from hers. Of course, he never tried again.

He sighed and rubbed his brow with his free hand.

 _I can't stand seein' her like this - I hate knowin' she's upset._

Minutes of silence went by and he sat there next to the little girl that hours ago was bouncing with life. But who now merely lay with her back towards him, seemingly dead to the world.

He glowered at the ceiling, replaying the words from the Hunters in his head over and over again. Part of him wished they were still alive. So he could make them suffer and _slowly_ kill them all over again for crushing her damaged psyche.

 _I swear to god I ain't ever lettin' anyone hurt a hair on that little head of yours._

Finally, a sound, he didn't care what it was, peeped from his right. It was a sniffle, followed by another. He heard a whimper and saw her small frame quiver.

"Ohhh baby no," he said sympathetically as he leaned over, giving her a light kiss to the cheek.

 _Don't ask what's wrong - you know what's wrong, let 'er come out an' say it if she wants to._

He began to rub her back and simply witnessed her eyes clench shut as tears streamed down her face.

"Let it out - it's okay," he soothed as he continued to rub her back.

The touch of his hand against her shoulder blades seemed to halt the shaking in her body but she continued to cry and emit a flurry of sniffles.

"J - Joel," she struggled to say through her cracking voice.

"It's okay sweetie - c'mere, c'mere baby girl - I gotcha," he cooed as he lifted her by the armpits and propped her up in between his outstretched legs.

He kept both hands pressed against her back, supporting her weight as he continued to gently glide them over the surface of her hoodie. She brought her legs into a cross legged position and drooped her head. Her whole body tilted forward, as if the weight of the world and gravity itself was now too much to bear, forcing her tiny frame to wilt after so much stress, pain, sorrow and anxiety.

He cupped both of her cheeks with his hands and lifted her face until her eyes met his, wiping away every tear that dripped from her eyelids with his thumbs.

"Ohhh honey," he said with an elongated pout, bulging out his lower lip as if to match the saddened shape of hers.

He pushed back the pesky and rebellious lock of hair behind her ear and gave a long kiss to the bridge of her nose. More tears dripped from her eyes but this thumbs continued to act as windshield wipers, gently swatting them off of her cheeks as they trickled out.

She took a deep breath and let out another sniffle.

"Each time I - " she paused and swallowed hard.

"I feel like I'm over it and have moved on something just... just - fucking - " she said, struggling to force the words through her tears as another sob shook her little body.

"Oh no - my little sweet pea - c'mere, c'mere," he soothed as he pulled her into his arms, resting her head against his chest just beneath his chin.

She let out another sob and simply cried in his embrace. Before long, the fabric of his shirt was soaked by the saltwater draining from her tired eyeballs.

"Shh - it's okay baby - take your time. I'm not goin' anywhere - I'm right here - shh."

She wiped her nose with a sleeve and tried to collect herself to speak again.

"You heard what they were gonna do."

 _Goddammit I - fuckin' - shit - I... can't even think about it._

He clenched his eyes shut, struggling not to get choked up himself from the thought and pressed his lips into her hair.

"It ain't _ever_ gonna happen - _ever_ \- we won't let it happen, I swear Ellie. You hear me?" he whispered to her, feeling the greasy and rough, yet also delicate and soft touch of her hair against his lips.

"I - I know, but - " she said through another sob.

"But what?" he softly asked as he began to lightly rock her back and forth.

"Each time I think I'm past it - each time I think I've finally forgotten his fucking face, something... something brings it back. I can still... I can still see it - his fucking eyes!" she shouted, pressing her nose into his shirt as another intense wave of sobs coursed through her little frame.

Even now, in his arms, her favorite place, she shook like a leaf.

"Oh _god_ sweetie - I... I'm so sorry baby - I am. Oh _fuck_ I wish I'd gotten there just a little bit sooner."

"And I can... his hands - I swear I can still feel them around my neck sometimes," she nasally said as she wiped both eyes with a hand.

 _My poor, sweet, little girl - how could the world treat you so fuckin' cruelly?_

"No - _no -_ oh Jesus honey - he can't hurt you - I'm here now, he ain't _ever_ gonna hurt you - _no one_ is gonna hurt you," he said through his trembling lips.

Seeing her in such a state was torturing him. Holding back his own tears was quickly becoming difficult.

"It's... it's all my fault. I couldn't stop him - I wasn't good enough. Everything's my fault - I couldn't stop Sean, Michelle - why we had to leave Jackson - why everything's gone to - " she spouted through her crying, twisting the collar of his shirt in her fingertips.

"No, no, _no!_ Ellie! Sweetie! Stop," he said, his voice beginning to crack as well.

 _WHAT IN THE HELL!? Fix this shit right fuckin' now Joel Miller._

He gently planted both palms over her cheeks again and pulled her face up from his shirt until her adorable, freckled little nose was mere inches from his.

"Look me in the eyes when I say this."

She simply nodded in the loving, protective grasp of his hands.

"Don't you _ever, ever_ think that way. You hear me baby girl? _Ever._ None of that is on you - _none_ of that is your fault."

"But - "

"Shh!" he interrupted, sliding the base of his thumb over her lips.

" _None_ of it. You don't - oh _god_ Ellie," he said, dropping his head before taking a deep breath.

"You're the most... Jesus - the most adorable, _sweetest_ little creature I've encountered in twenty-one years. You don't deserve _any_ of what this shitty world has piled onto you an' none if it is your fault. You're strong, tough, smart, wise, fuckin' - everything dammit. I'd be a dead man - or at the very least the most miserable piece of shit out there if it weren't for you. Don't you _ever_ think down on yourself like that, you understand?"

"Okay," she responded with another nod, giving way to even the smallest of smiles.

 _There she is._

"Ellie - you're _my_ little girl - hell, my - " he paused and snickered to himself before clearing his throat.

"Your what?" she diffidently asked through a sniffle, her smile slightly growing.

"My sweet little angel," he said as he rubbed her temples with his thumbs.

A massive flutter of warmth shot through her. No one had ever made her feel so important. However, an impish smirk stretched across her lips.

"Well... I'm only _part_ angel," she quipped.

"Tssht - yeah I guess you're right about that one there missy. But it's plenty for me."

She sniffled one last time and let out an airy, little laugh.

"C'mere you," he said, pulling her into his embrace as he enveloped her in his arms once again.

She nuzzled into his shoulder and her smile widened even more as she let out a deep breath upon feeling the ensuing kiss to her hair.

"I love you _so_ much sweet pea - I ain't lettin' a single, goddamn thing harm even a hair on that cute little head of yours."

After simply enjoying the familiar feeling of being cuddled in his arms, she tilted her head up and for the first time since leaving Twin Falls, noticed the dark bruises that remained on his jaw underneath his beard.

The sight immediately caused her whole body to perk up and she wiggled an arm free to gently rest the back of a hand against his cheek.

"Joel - my god! What the fuck is this!?" she exclaimed as she inspected the discolored skin that tried to hide behind the thick scruff of his beard.

He looked down and met her red, tired eyes with his then snorted.

"Joel Miller - tell me right now how you got this!" she demanded with a smirk.

"It's nothin' - just from that asshole back in Twin Falls."

She squinted her eyes and leered at him.

"What? It's the truth - I swear."

"I know - I believe you. It's a good thing that you fucking killed him, for him anyway - 'cause otherwise I would'a hung that motherfucker by his entrails."

His eyes widened from the graphic, austere response from the otherwise innocent looking little girl sitting in his arms.

"I'm serious!" she said.

"I - I know," he responded with a light laugh.

"Does it hurt still?" she asked with concern.

"Nah - not anymore."

She let out a sigh and returned the side of her head against his shoulder.

"Those fuckers were gonna shoot you," she mumbled.

"But they didn't - 'cause someone here went ape shit."

She couldn't help but smile and snicker.

"Ape shit... hehehe - that put a funny image in my head. But umm, yeah - I told you, I'm pro at keepin' your ass alive big guy!" she proudly said as she patted his forearm.

"Tssht - ain't that the truth."

Suddenly, her stomach unleashed an epic growl as it grumbled in hunger.

"Oh - it's that time now huh?" he asked.

"I guess so - stupid thing won't ever leave me alone," she said with a sigh.

"Alright, c'mon kiddo - let's get some food in ya before we get some Z's," he said as he patted her on the back.

She lifted herself off of him and stretched both arms up while letting out a yawn. And for some strange reason, he viewed the act as an invitation to pinch her nose.

She let out a guffaw.

"Wha - why!?" she asked humorously.

He shrugged.

"'Cause - you left it wide open, couldn't resist - reckon it just had to be pinched."

"Pssht - fine, whatever. By the way - "

"Yep?"

"I... I know what you've been doing," she said, dropping both hands into her lap as she began to twiddle her thumbs.

 _The hell she mean by that?_

"What you on about?"

"Food - when we eat... I know what you've been doing."

 _Ahhhh shit - 'course she does - ain't sneakin' anything by her._

"You give me like half of your portion - if not more," she said as she crossed her arms.

"Ellie - "

"Joel, you need to eat too! I don't want to see _you_ going hungry okay?"

"Besides - we need you stay big and strong right? Rawwwrr!" she continued, trying to flex her biceps as much as she could.

"Tssht - you're cute, but look, you... you need it more than I do an' I just - "

He sighed and ran both hands down his face.

"Just what?"

"Well... I guess in the spirit of openin' up here... I uhh - " he scratched the back of his head as he scrunched his face.

"Oh my god c'mon Joel fucking say it, it's just me!" she groaned with a sarcastic roll of the eyes.

"Fine, fine, fine. It uhh... it kills me knowin' how much... how much shit you've had to go through already."

Her smile faded and she fidgeted in her cross-legged posture, scooting herself closer to him.

"Every time I think about you growin' up... never gettin' enough food, attention, affection, love - hell, fuckin' everything I... I just wanna make it _all_ right."

She planted a small hand on his sleeve and felt her eyes begin to water once again.

"It breaks my heart sweetie when I think about you sufferin' like that," he softly said with care as he cupped her cheek.

"I just wish I could'a been there long ago - from uhh... day one - to take care of you an' make sure you were treated the way you deserve an' whatnot. An' I feel - " he paused again as he looked down at his hands.

"You feel what?" she asked, tapping his forearm with a finger that remained resting on his sleeve.

"Guilty, that I wasn't there - makes me sad as hell thinkin' about my little munchkin goin' to bed cold an' hungry an' ain't ever havin' a single damn person hold you - it just... kills me sweet pea."

"What!? Don't - no! Joel, you've... for once I'm actually _happy_ \- as much as one can be I guess. You... ugh - "

"What?" he asked in a leading tone.

"Okay, even though I've basically become so attached to you - have clung to you like... fucking glue - you've never... ya know - left me, abandoned me. You're still here and - you still... love me," she said, her voice taking a soft turn as she finished.

"I actually feel important for once and you're here now, that counts for something, right?" she sheepishly asked, though she knew the question was ridiculous.

" _Always_ baby girl - you ain't gettin' rid of me, ever. An' I just like seein' that big smile across your face while you fall asleep with a full belly of food," he responded, gently patting her stomach.

Her smile returned and she gave way to a light chuckle.

"I just want you to be well fed, happy, warm an' loved - that's all," he said, returning her smile with his.

"Well umm... I'd have to say you're four for four on that front - soooo... keep it up!"

His smile widened and she saw the faintest glimmer of tears in his eyes.

"Don't you worry about that."

"I won't - now let's eat, I umm... think my stomach is starting to eat itself."

"Yes ma'am," he replied through a light laugh.


	15. Promises

**AN: This chapter was fun to write. I certainly enjoyed putting it together and I hope you enjoy reading it. Anyway, here's fifteen. Cheers.**

* * *

Last time she asked, Joel said they were still on the interstate, somewhere between Winnemucca and Reno. That was hours before stumbling upon the Motel 6 they retreated to for the night and at this point, both of them weren't even sure if they'd ever leave the desert state of Nevada. The terrain and constant lack of intrigue in their surroundings was mind numbing and forced them into extended, quiet lulls during their travel.

It was late, very late, and Ellie had yet to fall asleep. A full moon glowed in the crystal clear night sky and illuminated her small figure that sat at the edge of the mattress, adjacent to the bedroom window. Joel, unlike her, was fast asleep. His legs sprawled out across the mattress and snoring up a storm. The guttural noise rumbling from his chest, along with the crickets outside were the only sounds in the otherwise silent, midnight air. She was warmer than usual, which was strange for a night in the middle of December, and thus wore just a tank top along with her gray gym shorts. The small article of clothing was always a reminder of her time at the academy in Boston.

With her chin resting on a palm, she sat cross-legged on the edge of the bed, drawing a figure eight with a finger into the sheets. She made sure to _always_ sit close enough to Joel to feel the touch of his lower leg against her back. At night, when her damaged mind repeatedly played horror filled dreams, like that of a Hollywood caliber production designed to scare the living daylights out of even the most hardened of souls, not being snuggled in his embrace was strange. Having her back to him was even stranger, but during this moment of quiet contemplation, simply _feeling_ his presence seemed to suffice.

 _Uggghhh - why can't I just fall asleep. So not fair - he's snoring like a fucking lion and I'm here - wait, do lions snore? I bet they do, lying around in the grass like that under the stars - sounds pretty sweet - they have to right?_

She sighed and lifted her gaze towards the window and stared into the empty, sprawling and seemingly endless desert that lay beneath the bright moon above.

 _Man, that'd be fucking awesome to be a lion - even for just one day. I'd be so bad ass! No one would ever fuck with me. I could kill so many Infected with just my claws and shit... that'd be so cool._

A small smile stretched across her lips and she turned back to look at Joel, who might as well have been dead to the world in his current state. Her smile widened.

 _Joel as a lion - now there's something - dude would be fucking huge! I bet his mane would be outrageous haha! Cool. We'd be awesome - no one would fuck with us and we'd totally eat everything._

Another sigh, one of longing and almost saddening nostalgia, left her lips. She dropped her head, her eyes returning to the mundane activity of tracing the path of her small finger tips gliding across the white, cotton sheet.

 _Wish I still had that book - with all the animals in it. Wonder where I lost that thing... oh! Maybe we'll find another big sciency book on bears like in Jackson! That'd be cool too, I liked the bears. They were awesome._

Joel twitched in his sleep and shifted his head to the other side of the pillow, letting out a muffled grunt in the process and briefly interrupting the monotonous pattern of his snoring. The sound pulled her attention towards him and she loudly blew a raspberry, half hoping the audible display of her discontent would yank him out of his slumber.

It didn't.

 _This sucks ass._

A few seconds went by while she sat there, tapping her chin with a finger and lightly bouncing her head as she pondered what to do.

 _Fuck it - he won't mind right? He totally won't... I think._

An impish smirk pulled up her cheeks and she rotated herself around. As quietly as she could, like a mouse sneaking across the floor trying not to wake a nearby sleeping cat, she hoisted her tiny and bony self onto him.

He fidgeted again, letting out another a undecipherable mumble of sleep-ridden words, causing her to grimace and pray she didn't wake him.

 _Shit! No! Not yet!_

She curled both legs back into their usual crossed position and sat on his stomach, nestling onto him like she _belonged_ there.

And she did. His much larger frame had become the closest thing to a home for her and treating it like a giant tree or an over sized teddy bear was habitual. It was _endearing,_ even to him, and they'd both gotten used to it.

There she was, daintily sitting atop him in her tank top and gym shorts with her hair tied in a pony tail, observing what became the one thing in the world she _couldn't_ live without. She took note of the wrinkles across his brow and the enhanced, dark circles under his eyes. The image of him, from the first fateful day they met in Boston, was engraved in her head. But now his face seemed even more worn and tired than it was back then, something she previously thought was impossible. His beard had grown even longer, a product of not having the necessary materials to shave since the early summer in Jackson. The edges of it were ever so slightly touched by a few graying hairs, a clear sign of aging and constant _stress_. He no longer looked gaunt and sickly like he did a few weeks ago, but after taking a long look at his face she could sense the pain and weight of the world dug into every wrinkle and scar.

 _Fuck - he's been through so much, just since I've known him. I wonder if he'll ever tell me more about... before..._

Her lips formed a melancholy, but empathetic frown and she heaved a sigh while keeping both eyes locked onto the loudly snoring man she sat on top of.

 _I hope someday he can be happy - I just want him to be happy._

The scent of him and his _musk_ wafted into her nose and in the strangest of ways, it was weirdly soothing. Though neither of them had bathed in weeks, the natural, but pungent body odor emanating off of them wasn't deemed gross or unclean to one another as it would be before the outbreak. Instead, it reminded them of being close to each other. It was calming and reinforced the knowledge that both remained in the presence of the other. His scent never changed, except when he was sick, and it had become a weird form of comfortable familiarity and for some reason, she didn't know why, she actually _liked_ it.

Her frown gradually inverted.

 _Hehe - I wonder if I smell too._

She slowly dropped her chin and sniffed, then shrugged with a slight smirk.

 _I can't tell, but I guess I do - who the fuck cares! I know he doesn't._

His head twitched as he softly mumbled her name in his sleep, causing her to grimace and tighten every muscle in her body. As if she could somehow make herself even lighter and simply float above him.

 _Eeeek - not yet, not yet! Okay, okay - we're good... you're a pro - c'mon, go! Do it! I hope he doesn't kill me for this..._

She meticulously shifted and wiggled her way forward up his chest and came to a rest just below his rib cage. Each deep breath that inflated his lungs pushed her light-as-a-feather self up with it.

Another impish smile crept across her lips and she stretched her eyelids open, causing what hid behind those soft, fleshy, pale curtains to glisten in the moonlight shining through the window. She slowly lowered her head and inched it towards his, keeping both eyes enlarged to their maximum size, a mischievous yet adorable little sprite. An uncontrollable snicker and snort crawled up from the depths of her gut and she was only barely able to hold it back.

 _No, no, no! Don't - don't laugh! Not yet! Deep breath - you got this._

She forced it away, but felt her lips quiver ever so slightly as she roped the oncoming laugh back into her throat. Closer and closer she got, until her nose was mere centimeters away from his. His light, breaths of air during the loud snores fluttered against her chin and she struggled to hold back another cheeky snicker.

 _He's gonna flip his shit... aaaaannnd it's gonna be hilarious!_

She made one last attempt to stretch both eyelids open as far as they could go and stared at the hidden, dark browns that rested beneath the wrinkly and worn lids of his own.

 _Now!_

In one sneaky, but swift motion, she reached an arm out and poked a finger into his torso.

His head violently twitched and he gasped for air as both eyes snapped open, immediately unveiling the sight of the big, bug-eyed, greenish-blues of hers no more than an inch away.

"Boo," she quickly said in a controlled, almost quiet hush and lacking of all excitement tone.

She blinked, but retained the gaze of her exaggeratedly large eyeballs focused on his.

"Agh - Jesus - fuck - Christ!" he frantically spouted as his whole body flinched underneath the tiny framed girl, who still sat cross-legged atop him.

Unable to restrain the self-induced chuckles no longer, she burst into laughter.

"What in the shit were you doin'!?" he asked in an irritated tone.

"I... I - oh man - I wanted to scare you," she responded through her snorts and snickers, feeling far too proud of herself.

He let out an exasperated sigh and rubbed a hand over his face.

"Goddammit Ellie, is that the only reason you woke my ass up?" he asked, his lips yet to form the sportive smile she was expecting.

 _Oh shit - he's actually pissed._

Still laughing, she brought a hand over her mouth and nodded.

"Y - yep - you - you should'a seen your face - oh man... it was - it was great!"

An irritated and tired groan escaped his lips and his head flopped back down to the pillow with the force like that of a cinder block falling from a ten story building.

"Damn brat," he muttered under his breath, covering both eyes with a hand.

She wriggled and scooted further up his chest and let out a guffaw.

"Hey! I totally scared you - admit it tough guy!" she exclaimed.

"Do it again an' your skinny little butt's gonna get smacked," he mumbled, keeping his eyes closed and hidden beneath the palm that sat just below his brow.

He refused to visually acknowledge the little girl. He was tired and _needed_ the sleep and wasn't going to give into her games, not yet anyway.

Her mouth dropped as she crossed both arms and leered at him.

"You wouldn't dare," she playfully said.

"Watch me," he grumbled.

"Ass," she retorted, lightly jabbing him with a small fist.

That got his attention, and he finally dropped the hand that covered his face. He lifted his head and observed the annoying, yet irresistibly adorable, small framed girl that sat on his chest, less than a foot from his chin. She was wide awake and smiling _so_ big the whites of her teeth faintly glowed from the moonlight that encased the room.

 _I win!_

"Dammit kiddo - the hell happened to sleepin'?"

She shrugged and taunted him with that impish smile once again.

"I dunno - couldn't sleep."

He sighed and gave her a roll of the eyes. Then finally, he noticed her attire and furrowed his brow as a puzzled look washed across his face.

"An' why in the hell are you wearin' that? Ain't you freezin' your little butt off?"

"I was hot - I dunno why, don't ask me dude," she said as her fingers readjusted her ponytail.

He snorted.

"Well get those sweats on - I don't want you gettin' cold an' sick or somethin' - then get to sleep, c'mon now," he commanded.

 _I love it - even when he's mad at me, he cares._

He closed his eyes again and returned his head to the comfort of the pillow, causing her smile to wane.

 _Uggghh - don't do that, I can't sleep!_

"Joel," she quickly spat with a usual curious and lighthearted tone.

"Yes Ellie," he responded with an even bigger, more irritated sigh.

"Can we play a game? I'm bored."

She perked both shoulders up and maintained the grin stretched across her cheeks. He was getting annoyed, and she _knew_ it. Annoying him _was_ the game and she found it disturbingly entertaining.

"No - now get to sleep," he replied with a groan.

"But - "

" _Ellie..._ " he growled, his eyes still closed and hands flopped onto his chest, nudged up against her little feet.

"Pssht - fine, I'll just... fucking try and sleep then."

"Mmhmm," he quietly said, the response barely able to leave his tired lips.

He took a deep breath, again hoisting her small frame into the air as his chest expanded from the inflation of his lungs.

She returned her chin to a palm and instead of lying back down, decided to stay put in the spot she'd realized was quite comfortable. Atop his chest, sitting cross-legged and feeling light as a feather, which to him, she was.

A quick turn of the head and she noticed the moon in all of its glory floating in the clear, night sky, looking lonely as could be.

 _Man - it would be weird to be up there... all by yourself. That'd be crazy._

Her attention darted back to what she deemed as the only source of entertainment and another cheeky grin engulfed her face.

"Joel," she quickly spat again with the slightest and smallest bob of the head as his name rolled across her tongue.

Simply calling his name in _that_ tone became a weird habit and it always meant the little girl desired entertainment of any kind.

He hardly responded and instead only emitted an aggravated and tired, grumbled grunt. His irritated and terse response however, didn't deter her. It never did.

"Whadd'you think it's like up there?" she asked curiously, returning her gaze to the moon.

Another muffled grunt trickled through his lips, sounding vaguely like some sort of acknowledgement of the question.

"The moon - what's it like up there?" she continued, delightfully giving her head and ponytail a little bounce as she looked back down at him.

An massive sigh shot from the bellows of his gut and across his tongue as he wiped a hand down his face, peeling open his eyelids in the process and resigning himself to the notion that sleep in this moment was out of the question. There was no denying her, there never was. The gruff, fifty-year-old man _always_ lost this game to the auburn haired, petite mound of a human being that was currently treating him like a nest.

 _Fuck yes - I win again!_

"You really are evolvin' into a more annoyin', bigger pain in my ass aren't you?" he asked with a smirk as he lightly pinched her big toe, though it wasn't even as big as his thumb.

"Maybe," she said as she crossed both arms and perked her chin up proudly.

He snorted then rubbed his eyes.

"So, the moon - whadd'you think it's like?" she pressed on.

"Empty, lonely, barren, cold as shit - hell if I know."

"So basically like Nevada then?"

He snickered.

"Tssht - yeah kinda I guess."

He lifted his head once again to take in the full, cute image of her sitting just inches away from his chin, looking carefree and seemingly _happy_ in this moment.

"Thought I told you to put on your sweats," he said as he lightly tapped her bent and bony, little kneecap.

"Blech - I'm too hot right now. But when I cool off... I promise, I will."

"Fine," he grumbled.

A short silence fell between them as they simply looked at each other and smiled, even him.

"What's up kiddo - why can't you sleep? Usually you're out before I am."

She sighed and drooped her head, watching her fingers subconsciously toy with the fabric of his shirt.

"C'mon sweet pea - spit it out," he said as he reached up and gently rubbed her cheek.

 _Now I have to tell him._

"I was just... I dunno - thinking about stuff."

He cocked his head and raised an eyebrow.

"Stuff huh?"

"Yeah - just stuff," she said with a shrug.

"What kinda stuff?"

She sighed again and scrunched her face.

"Just... everything - what we've done - what we've been through I guess."

His smile waned and he reached for the small hand which remained fiddling with his shirt.

"What you mean?" he asked.

"Do you... do you remember the first day we met?" she queried, lifting her gaze and meeting his eyes.

"'Course - won't ever forget."

A small smile appeared across her lips and she let loose a light chuckle.

"And... do you remember how much we didn't like each other?"

He snorted and laughed as well.

"Yep - I do indeed, sounds about right."

"And now I - " she paused and blew a raspberry.

"C'mon now - it's just me, go on."

"I can't... ya know - I can't fucking _live_ without you," she said, her smile taking a sheepish turn as she finished.

In one swift motion, he wrapped an arm around her. Encasing her neck in the crook of his elbow between his bicep and forearm.

"Ohh c'mere you little bugger," he playfully growled, pulling her down towards him.

She let out an adorable little peep and felt her smile widen, nuzzling into his neck as her head was pulled to his shoulder, still wrapped in the large, tree-branch like arm.

He kissed her on the forehead then began petting her hair.

"For the record - reckon it's uhh... the same here missy."

 _I know - but I still like hearing him say it. He won't ever leave me, no matter what, right?_

He felt the dimples form in her cheeks against his shoulder, causing him to smile as well.

"My baby girl," he cooed as he planted a kiss to her hair.

Another period of silence went by, as they simply lay there, snuggled together. He stared up at the ceiling and petted her hair while she continued to get lost in her thoughts and subconsciously play with the fabric of his shirt.

"Joel."

"Hmm?"

"Are you... happy?"

He sighed, giving a long pause before voicing his response, a pause longer than she would've liked. It was a strange question, and a question that hadn't been posed to him since before the outbreak. In this world, what did it mean to truly be _happy?_ He wasn't sure, but his mind only centered around what he told her under the stars around the campfire in Idaho. Find your _purpose_ , find what gets you up in the morning and cling to it, _dearly._

He turned his head and stared at the auburn hillock of hair that was splayed across his shoulder. His eyes darted to the dainty, cute little fingers that were so persistent in messing with his shirt. Following an affection filled, tightening of his grasp around her, they both smiled.

"I am now."

A flutter of warmth went through her and for some reason, she felt her eyes beginning to water.

"An' I'll be even happier once we get to California - safe an' sound."

"We're almost there right?" she asked.

"Yup - ain't too far now."

She wiggled her tiny frame even closer against him and reached a hand out for the comforter. He obliged and gently pulled it over her.

"Can I be honest with you?" she asked after getting far too comfortable underneath the blanket and in his embrace.

"Always sweetheart."

She sniffled and gently rubbed her cheek against his shirt until her nose was less than an inch away from the base of his neck, then took a deep breath. The scent of him permeated into her nose even more than before.

 _It's weird that I like that... really fucking weird - but whatever._

"Okay... I want you to be happy."

"I - I know that," he said with a small smile.

"But... when we get there, aren't you gonna want something... more? Someone else to... ya know?"

He snorted.

"Ellie - how many times do I gotta say it? That ain't even on my mind. After what I've been through - don't know if I even have the capability to feel that way anymore."

"But don't you - "

"Shhh - stop," he whispered as he kissed her hair once again.

"It took an entire goddamn year, bein' around you twenty-four hours a day to bring back to life a part of me that I swear was dead forever. Besides, I got _everything_ I need right here," he said, giving her a pat on the back.

"Even if I did find someone I'd... shit - reckon I'd need your damn approval of her before I do _anything_ about it," he continued with a snicker.

"You better!" she boisterously claimed.

"We don't want another uhh... ya know - Michelle situation," he hesitantly said, unsure of how the little girl wrapped in his arm would respond.

He could feel the shiver crawl down her spine as she peeped her response.

"No, no we don't."

"Ohhhh baby, I'm so... I'm so _goddamn_ sorry - I should'a never left you alone like that," he said lovingly, pulling her closer against him.

"I wouldn't even let you now - ever," she responded sharply, her tone making it emphatically clear that she really would never let him leave her sight.

"Tssht - I know you wouldn't."

She felt him shudder beneath her.

"What was that?" she asked, curious as to what provoked the quick and barely noticeable quiver in his body.

"Just... rememberin' that day - seein' you on the floor like that all beaten an'... oh _Christ_ I - " he paused, clenched both eyes shut and pressed his lips against her head and clutched her tight.

He couldn't hold her close _enough_.

"God - my poor little baby," he whispered into her hair.

She softly sighed, unsure of how to even respond in this moment. Her nerves tingled with fear as another shiver went down her spine upon remembering the horror of that day. She took a deep breath and cleared her throat, eager to shift the topic of conversation away from Michelle.

"But if you find someone, you're not gonna... ya know - forget about me right?" she asked timidly.

He snorted and laughed to himself, like the question was the most absurd thing he'd heard in years.

"Absolutely fuckin' _not!_ " he retorted.

Her smile returned.

"Ellie - I ain't ever leavin' you, forgettin' you, abandonin' you, neglectin' you - whatever you can think of - you've got me stuck to you for good whether you damn like it or not."

She slightly lifted her head to clearly speak and make a halfhearted attempt to look up at him.

"No matter what?"

"No. Matter. What."

He leaned down and kissed the bridge of her nose, hearing her let loose a happy, little sigh.

"So what's the first thing we're gonna do when we get there?" she asked, her voice retreating away from its earlier morose tone.

"Well - first we're probably gonna get the whole pat down - shown around an' crap - you know, the usual - probably like Jackson."

"No, no, no - I mean besides that. What are we gonna _do?_ "

"Ah, well uhh... where we're goin' ain't too far from the ocean - still a bit of a trek, but won't be too bad. Thought I'd take my little munchkin out there an' see it for the first time," he said with a smile as he lowered his gaze as much as he could, praying he could catch a glimpse of the massive, joyous grin he knew would stretch across her lips.

And he did.

"Awesome! Fuck yeah!" she exclaimed, practically jolting her entire body up into the air from excitement.

"Tssht - see, I know what my little Ellie wants - always."

 _Fucker - but it's true... somehow he does... usually._

"I wanna do something else too."

"What's that?"

"I wanna play football again - or throw it again, that was so much fun! Wasn't it?" she asked, propping herself up on an elbow to look him in the eyes with a humongous, goofy looking grin.

She looked like an over excited little kid on Christmas morning, and she knew it, but didn't care in the slightest.

He reached up and pinched her nose, unable to restrain himself upon seeing the endearing look across her face.

"It was indeed. You wanna do that again huh?"

"Hell yeah!"

"Hmm - alright, well I'll see if I can find a damn ball... god knows the next time we'll stumble across one though."

She flopped back down onto him, nuzzling into his shoulder and sighed.

"Yeah - yeah I know."

His eyelids began to wilt again, feeling them give into their weight and tiredness and he let out a massive yawn.

"I ain't gonna be awake for much longer here kiddo," he said, lightly brushing his knuckles against her hair.

"Fine, fine - one more question."

"Alright."

"When did... when did you know you... loved me - like your daughter?" she softly asked as her timid, little fingers anxiously resumed toying with his shirt.

His eyes widened from the question, but his mind shot straight to the memory he _knew_ was responsible for reigniting _that_ feeling for the first time in twenty years.

"Was uhh - the night before Salt Lake," he simply responded.

 _Wow - that didn't take a lot of thinking._

The sureness and speed of his response caused her heart to flutter. She knew _exactly_ what he was referring to.

"You mean when we found that big house - and you made me a bath with the hot water you heated with the stones in the tub?" she asked.

"That's right - good memory."

"Tssht - like I'd forget... that bath was fucking awesome," she responded, the volume of her voice lowering and softening each passing second.

He snickered.

"I know you did - anyway, reckon that was when I knew... I just - "

"Just what?" she softly mumbled, feeling her eyes beginning to close.

"Don't think I accepted it at that moment though - but hell, who am I kiddin' I knew I did, no matter how hard I tried to fight it."

Her eyes drooped and she let out a yawn.

"An' I... I wasn't leavin' there without you. Guess I loved you too damn much to let 'em do that to my little girl."

She simply smiled and let out the smallest of light puffs of air through her nose, as if she were trying to laugh in delight from his response.

He kissed her hair once more, letting his lips linger as he relished feeling her close and smelling her scent. Like he for her, in the strangest of ways, it brought him comfort.

"I _love_ you baby girl - always."

Her eyelids pressed shut and all he could hear was the light, little whistle of air escape her nose as each breath brushed against his neck. With the smallest, yet joyous of smiles, she was finally, happily asleep, snuggled and cuddled in her favorite place.

"Night sweet pea - sleep tight."


	16. Us Against the World

**AN: I really enjoyed writing this chapter, although at times it was difficult to express what I wanted to get across. Kudos to those who pick up on the small change which occurs at one point during the chapter and then persists throughout and also to those who might be able to sense where this going in terms what I have planned for the ending. But if you know or have an idea, hush-hush! No spoilers! I also, really for the first time, made some "hard-coded (for lack of a better term)" references to the old world here. I usually shy away from it, but now that things have developed between Joel and Ellie so much... it's sort of inevitable. Plus, it also gave way to some interesting underlying themes and "meta" that sort of came out on accident - but which I really ended up liking. Anyways, hope ya'll enjoy it.**

* * *

"Woah Nelly! Damn! Look at this place!" Ellie gasped in amazement as she craned her neck and gazed up at the multitude of massive, vibrantly adorned buildings around them.

"Yep - pretty nuts ain't it?" Joel replied with a snicker, realizing she'd never been privy to a spectacle quite like this.

After another two days of trudging down the interstate, they finally made it to Reno. An even colder, nippier chill filled the air and it constantly reminded them of what waited just to the west, the Sierras. Upon reaching the city limits, the highway took on a slight grade, another sign that they were approaching the mountains. It was something neither of them wanted to think about, and at times both wishfully thought if they didn't think about it, the treacherous terrain which awaited them would somehow magically disappear before they arrived. But of course, it was inevitable, crossing the Sierras was the last major obstacle before reaching California. As far as Joel was concerned, it was the only major stipulation when he first hatched the idea to travel west on their first day after leaving Jackson.

Large buildings, that before the outbreak would've been brightly lit, sprawled across every block. Dozens of broken, but still intact, neon signs and lights hung from each of the towering structures. Though the city used to be busy, always awake and never sleeping, it was void of life now and dead silent. Hundreds of pamphlets, torn magazine pages and small paper cards littered the sidewalk and road, all advertising some risque nightclub, gentleman's club or massage parlor and of course, a variety of casinos that used to attract the thousands of people that passed through the lively city. The sudden influx of sensory overload was overwhelming and both of their eyes danced in their sockets as they tried to take in every detail around them. The place was vastly different from the boring, mundane emptiness of the interstate and although it was welcome, the jarring change was also mentally draining.

 _My god this place is insane!_

"What'd you say this was called again?" she asked, still gazing in awe and examining their surroundings.

Her imagination was running wild. What was this place like before the outbreak? She'd never seen such a town before, what with the countless hotels, casinos and broken neon signs. She could only imagine how brightly lit and _alive_ the entire place used to be.

"Reno - it's our last big stop before the mountains," he replied.

"Guess we better stock up then huh?" she softly and absentmindedly responded, refusing to break her curious stare from the never ending features of the city.

"Reckon that's the idea here missy."

They veered left onto another street, in hopes to find supplies and an adequate spot to rest and sleep for the night. It was early in the afternoon and sooner than they'd normally stop for the day, but knowing the Sierras awaited them, it would've been foolish to think they could tackle the obstacle during the night after an already long day of travel.

As usual in a town that was once highly populated, cars and trucks sat in the road, broken down and rusted after twenty years of being pummeled by rain, snowfall, harsh summer sun and lack of maintenance. The heaps of garbage, newspapers, magazines, strip club and casino advertisements along with the piles of twisted metal looked as if they'd become part of the area's natural ecosystem. Lying in the green overgrowth, the foreign, man-made objects intertwined themselves with mother nature and at this point, neither of them could think of a city looking any other way, especially her.

Suddenly, she came to a stop, mouth agape and pointed up at a gaudy structure to their right.

 _Holy shit look at that one!_

"Joel - Joel - look!" she said as she excitedly tugged on his hand.

He stopped as well and took in the wondrous sight for himself. It was a massive glass and concrete structure, adorned with bronze statues and fascia above the entrance. A large, glass, crystal looking dome sat behind the smaller subsection of the entrance which itself was backed by a towering rectangular, yet masterfully chaotic looking building. It seemed as if the architect of the grand attraction purposely constructed something that was meant to confuse the brain. It was unlike anything she'd ever seen, fancy beyond her wildest dreams, the only place coming even close being the hotel in Pittsburgh.

"Jesus - yep, that uhh... that looks about right for this damn place."

"Well, what the fuck is it?" she asked, her gaze shifting to his eyes for the first time since entering the city limits of Reno.

"A casino," he laconically replied.

She rose an eyebrow and turned towards him.

"What the hell is a casino?"

He snickered.

"It's a place where people went to gamble an' basically piss away cash," he explained with a smirk.

"Wait, what?"

His laughs continued and increased in volume as he rubbed his brow.

"What? What's so funny?" she asked, leering at him as she ripped her hand away from his and crossed both arms.

 _Uhhhh did I miss something?_

"Nothin' - just... some of the things you don't know about, when I think about tryin' to explain 'em to you I just know it's gonna sound crazy when I realize what the hell's gonna come outta my mouth."

She smirked and lightly chuckled as well.

"Well now you're on the hook - now you _have_ to tell me," she said, her mouth shifting into an amused grin.

He cleared his throat then cracked his knuckles before taking another long look at the structure that people, even in his time, usually only saw in magazines and television shows.

"It ain't anything _that_ good - not like Christmas anyway."

"Pssht - well nothing's gonna top that shit," she said as she shuffled up next to him and returned her hand to what had become its home while they trekked, his rough, large and callused palm.

"Anyway - gambling, you know... shit - how do I explain it - it's like playin' a game but... you wager somethin' on it... usually money."

She scrunched her face and let out a small, cute grunt.

"Huh - alright... sooooo like the game we played awhile back? With the alphabet and stuff?" she asked, looking up at him.

That response, coupled with the thought of them wagering money, or anything for that matter, on the outcome of such a silly game caused him to chuckle to himself once again. But, she was technically correct, that would indeed qualify as some form of gambling.

"Well... alright yeah, I guess that works, but there'd be all sorts of card games, slot machines, roulette - hell, all sorts of shit I don't even know of to be honest."

"Okay... so you people would go to places like this, just to play games and pay... pay for it?" she asked in confusion, again turning her gaze towards the building.

The massive glass dome that backed the entrance glistened in the early afternoon sun and it was all her eyes could focus on. It was magnificent and almost blinding.

"Pay for it - sure, but the whole idea behind gamblin' is if you win... you get money back. So you know... you can actually make more money just from playin' an' winnin'," he responded as he absentmindedly rubbed the small, dainty fingers that were intertwined with his.

 _I wonder if he even knows he's doing that - whatever, I'm sure I do it too. Besides, I don't care - lets me know he's still... here, like really here._

"Ellie?" he asked, detecting the silence from the little girl who stood next to him and distracted by her own thoughts.

"Oh - sorry, umm... okay, so if you win, you get more money, but if you lose, you lose money?"

"That's about as simple as you can make it - yep."

"Well shit, why the fuck wouldn't everyone do that? I thought _you_ had to work and stuff to make money - why the hell wouldn't you just go play these games and make shit loads of cash dude!?" she playfully asked with an antagonizing little grin.

He snorted.

"'Cause - Christ... how do I - " he paused and sighed as he rolled his eyes, his mouth unveiling an amused smirk.

Her naivety and innocence, coupled with her sharp tongue and inquisitive mind always made him smile.

 _Again, am I missing something here or... what? I'd be fucking awesome at this gambling thing and be rich as hell!_

"The odds of you always winnin' are... slim. The casino, at least ninety-nine percent of the time will always come out ahead - it's just statistics an' math baby girl. An' don't ask me to explain how - I ain't a damn mathematician."

 _Oh, I see._

"Oh, soooo... winning was hard then?"

"Yep, I mean - sure, there's always the one lucky son-of-a-bitch who rolls in with a hundred bucks an' leaves with ten thousand but... for every one of those fellas, you got five hundred people who just lose all the cash they walked in with - that's how it works. The casino in the gran' scheme of things always comes out on top."

"Huh - weird. Alright... I guess that kinda makes sense."

"I just... never really took part - money was hard to come by for Sarah an' Tommy an' I - ain't no sense in riskin' the chance of pissin' it away like that - wanted to make sure Sarah always had everything she needed," he said, his voice taking a softer, saddened tone as various memories of his biological daughter danced across his mind.

 _He really was - is a good dad._

She tightened the grip around his hand and smiled up at him. The action pulled his head around and his eyes met hers.

"Like... like me?" she softly peeped.

He smiled as well and cupped her cheek.

"Like you sweet pea."

After a short pause between them, he cleared his throat.

"You wanna go check it out?" he queried.

She snapped her head back around, staring once again at the magnificent structure in amazement. It had her mesmerized.

"Fuck yeah I do!" she exclaimed.

"Alright, well hop to it then," he said as he patted her on the back.

They crossed the road and ventured into the empty parking lot. The asphalt beneath their feet was hardly its usual, recognizable color under the thick layer of overgrowth across its surface and the dilapidated setting reminded both of them that the inside of the grand casino would probably look just as rough-around-the-edges, if not more so. Upon approaching the entrance, they stopped and read the big letters that spanned the top of the entrance.

"Silver Legacy Resort and Casino," she read aloud as she looked up at the gaudy entrance.

In a demonstration of hesitation and worry, he cleared his throat and scratched his beard, sensing the next set of words that were about to leave her lips.

 _Not another fucking hotel... no way, unh-unh._

"No... no, no, no - no more hotels. Remember Joel?" she said anxiously as she placed both hands on her hips.

He sighed.

"I - I know... but - it's not just a hotel, it's a casino an' more of a resort - 'sides, reckon we gotta find supplies an' I hate to say it but this may be our best shot."

She blew a raspberry and drooped her head before finally glaring at him, piercing through his pupils with a dagger like stare.

"Fine," she spat.

He smiled, feeling somewhat proud of himself in this small moment of victory.

"But - " she started again.

Of course, even when he won there was always a catch, always a caveat.

"But you don't leave my fucking sight okay?" she demanded as she nudged up against him, tightly holding his hand.

That was a stipulation he could handle, it didn't irk him in the slightest, quite the opposite in fact.

"'Course sweetie - I'll be right here the whole time," he said as he gently rubbed her hand.

A brisk gust of wind fluttered through the parking lot, causing a swell of newspapers and other bits of trash to rustle in the overgrowth and skitter across the ground. The sound immediately yanked their attention to the disturbance and they instinctively reached for their weapons as Joel protectively pulled Ellie behind him.

 _Shit - I'm all jumpy now after thinking about that stupid hotel from Idaho._

"What the fuck was that?" she asked nervously.

His hand lowered away from the pistol in his holster and he sighed.

"Just the wind - had me goin' for a second there," he said.

"Yeah no shit - doesn't this place seem too quiet? For how big it is?" she asked, stepping out from behind him.

He wiped a hand over his face and grunted. She was right. It was too quiet. It seemed too good to be true, and in a world that continually made even the strongest willed people feel hopeless and alone, any ounce of good fortune was _unbelievable_ , literally.

"Yeah, yeah it is."

"Do you think there's Hunters here... or Infected?" she asked.

"Dunno about Hunters - hope not, but Infected... there always is - you just gotta know where to look."

"Well, I don't wanna fucking look," she spat angrily.

"Reckon I don't either - c'mon kiddo, lets scope this place out," he implored as he began to walk way, pulling on her hand in the process.

 _Don't you dare leave my sight._

"Joel," she mumbled softly.

He immediately stopped and turned around, his eyes unable to mask the paternal care that profusely dripped from them.

"Right - c'mere you."

He gently tugged her to his side and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, tucking her little self under his armpit and against his torso.

 _Sooo much better._

"That better?" he asked with a proud but empathetic smile.

They were past the point of trying to hide their fears, insecurities and undeniable _need_ to be so close to one another at all times. A quick realization of how far their relationship had come trickled into her thoughts, causing her to give way to that endearing, little smile of hers. She tilted her head and looked up at him, both eyes shining like the bright afternoon sun above and nodded.

"Sooo much better," she responded.

Before she knew it, his lips were planted against her hair as he gave her a paternal kiss.

"Good."

* * *

The interior of the resort and casino didn't disappoint. For it held its own when compared to the almost ridiculous appearance of the exterior. The lobby was covered in a beautiful, beige marble floor, complemented with a sparkling, gargantuan chandelier that hung from the ceiling high above. It was the only thing in the room that hadn't been tainted by mold, moisture, blood or rips and tears and it still glistened magnificently in the sunlight as it refracted the beams that pierced through it. Two staircases, both adorned with a thick, intricately designed maroon carpet that ran over the steps and atop the marble, stood at both sides of the grand room. A fireplace along with a small sitting area comprised of a mahogany table and red felt chairs sat near the wall opposite the front desk in the lobby, giving the entire space a classy, high-end feel. Despite not given an ounce of attention for nearly a quarter of a century, the wondrous room still maintained an enchanting sparkle and chic. It reminded Joel of what the world used to be like and only caused Ellie's imagination to run wild yet again.

They stopped directly below the chandelier and she stared up at it in amazement with her jaw dropped as low as it could go. Her dumbfounded expression undoubtedly had her looking as goofy as could be.

"Holy shit," she gasped in an almost quiet hush, struggling to find the words to describe the massive collection of diamonds and light bulbs that towered above her.

"Tssht - no kiddin' - this place is - "

"Too rich for your blood?" she quipped as she lowered the level of her eyes from the chandelier to his.

He snickered.

"Yes ma'am - you know me too well."

"Pfft - of course I do."

Still bound together, with her tucked under his arm and remaining snugly stuck to his side, they continued through the lobby. They strolled into a large hallway and made their way towards the casino floor.

"This is the nicest fucking place we've ever been right?" she asked as she tilted her head and looked up at him.

His chin, beard and face seemed so much larger, so much more _worn_ and _scarred_ when she stood so closely up against him with the top of her head just barely touching his armpit. He looked down at her, but before responding, she unhitched a happy, little sigh. She felt so protected, so _safe_ and not _alone_ while wrapped in his branch-like arm. She couldn't help but display a sliver of her satisfaction.

"You uhh... you feelin' alright there missy?" he asked with an arched eyebrow.

He knew why she sighed. Of course he did, but for some reason he didn't want her thinking he caught her.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine - just - " she paused and wrapped a skinny, little arm around his back before clenching his shirt in her fingers.

"Don't you dare let go," she said with a sheepish smile.

"I told you - I ain't. I'm here baby girl - we're fine, don't worry."

"I know, doesn't change the fact that I don't like hotels anymore," she quietly muttered.

"Anyway, I reckon it is - maybe that country home off the highway, on the way to Salt Lake after the uhh... the lake - remember that?"

"Yep - that's where you found me hot chocolate for the first time and those two fucking clickers ambushed us, right?"

"Mmhmm - that's right."

"Yeah that place was nice but... it's got nothing on this," she said as she scanned the decorated walls of the large hallway.

Before reaching the casino floor, a gift shop, filled with all sorts of random goods appeared on their left as they rounded a corner.

"There we go - jackpot," he said.

"There's gotta be shit in there, right?" she asked with hope.

Together they hastily entered the shop. More magazines and newspapers littered the ground, along with countless other objects ranging from candy wrappers, empty bottles of soda and water, office supplies, small items of clothing, hats to collectibles and toys. The dark, maroon colored carpet that covered the hallway continued into the store, but was hardly noticeable underneath the layer of trash or treasure, neither of them were sure which was which at this point.

Something in the corner of the room caught Ellie's attention and her eyes immediately darted towards it. It was an issue of Savage Starlight, she recognized _that_ style of cover anywhere, anytime.

"Fuck yes!" she spouted, ripping herself away from Joel's grasp.

She ran to her finding, knelt down and wiped off the dust from its cover. Though now wasn't the time, she couldn't help but open the first page and begin reading its contents with delight. Escaping into the world of Savage Starlight was the only thing that could distract her mind from the current situation and prevent her from immediately scurrying back to the safety of Joel's protective embrace.

"Jesus - easy Ellie, scared me," he said with a humored snort.

"Yeah, yeah - whatever - this is awesome! Haven't found one of these things in forever it seems," she retorted, yet to pull her eyes away from the brightly colored comic book.

Joel went to the opposite corner, constantly looking back at the auburn haired girl who now gleefully sat against the wall already reading. Something caught his eye as well. Something he thought they would struggle to find for a long time and a massive, uncontrollable, yet satisfied grin stretched across his lips.

"Well I'll be damned," he muttered to himself under his breath.

Lying on the floor, barely peeking through a pile of magazines was the tip of a football. He bent down and picked it up, firmly gripping it on either side with a hand. He spun it around and felt an extreme sense of nostalgia wash over him as a multitude of memories zipped through his mind. On one side of it, built into the reddish-brown material, was a single, large, blue star plastered across the ball.

"Get the _hell_ outta here," he whispered to himself again in awe as his eyes widened.

He snickered to himself and felt a swell of pride. For what, he wasn't sure, he just did.

"How 'bout them Cowboys," he said quietly.

"Find anything!?" she shouted from across the room, her eyes still focused on the illustrations and words on the page before her.

"Uhh - no... no - I got nothin'," he responded as he sneakily hid the ball in the top of his pack.

Surprising her with a game of catch, like she wished for a few days ago, was now the top priority, aside from her well being and safety of course. She didn't notice him strutting over to her then standing above, reaching a hand down and simply waited for her attention to finally break from the comic book.

"Don't read it all at once - take your time... now where's Joel what's he - " she mumbled to herself before finally lifting her gaze.

"Oh. Hi there," she softly said, adorably looking up at him with a smirk from her curled up position on the floor.

He snickered.

"Been standin' here for at least a full damn minute waitin' for your ass," he said as he wiggled his fingers, beckoning her to grab his hand and rise to her feet.

"Well you should'a said something - this one's pretty damn good, not gonna lie," she responded happily as she returned to the comfortable space tucked under his arm.

They entered the casino floor and were immediately greeted by the sight of Poker tables, rows and rows of slot machines, Blackjack tables, roulette boards and other things that Ellie had yet to ever see. Hundreds, maybe even thousands of playing cards were scattered across the floor and everything else for that matter. Empty beer bottles, cocktail glasses, along with piles of Poker chips and loose change chaotically decorated the entire floor and each table. The room appeared as if it at one point housed a joyous and raucous crowd of people. All enjoying themselves only for them to suddenly panic and flee in one giant mob once the outbreak reached the interior of the establishment.

"Holy shit - this is crazy," she said, again examining each and every detail around the room.

There was too much, she couldn't take it all in fast enough.

"I take it this is where all the umm... magic happened?" she asked.

"Yep - this is it," he said with a sigh and a gesture of a hand, as if he were giving her some sort of sales pitch of the place.

"Ooooohhhhhhh, what's that one?" she asked with abundant curiosity.

He rolled his eyes, but snickered to himself, knowing it was _impossible_ to make it all the way through the casino floor without her childlike wonder kicking in at one point or another.

"A slot machine."

"A slot machine? Eh... sounds kinda lame," she spat, tugging him along to go inspect their latest finding.

She unhitched herself from his side and leaned in close to inspect the mysterious object then scrunched her face in confusion. He leaned against the side of it, both arms crossed and simply watched the gears turn in the little girl's head as she attempted to decipher what stood before her.

"Okay, seriously, how the fuck does this thing work?" she asked as she leaned her head to each side, as if she expected to find a hidden sign on the other side that explained every detail.

"I mean seriously - what the hell is this thing?"

"Here, take this," he said as he reached into a pocket and pulled out a quarter.

She hesitantly grabbed it from his hand.

"Uhhhh... okay," she said in confusion.

"Stick it in that slot - right here," he said, tapping a finger above the coin slot of the machine.

She slid the quarter in, hearing it clink and bang its way into the guts of the strange piece of equipment.

"Now pull the lever," he said, though he knew nothing would happen.

There hadn't been electricity running to the building for years and he could only picture the image of a brightly lit casino in his memory from when Tommy and himself visited Las Vegas for the first time. The bright lights, the lack of windows, the strange smell in the air that was some combination of sweat, body odor, alcohol and cigarettes, were all sensations he could only _think_ of. But this place was anything but lively. Instead, it was a chilling, vivid reminder of what _was_ and what now _isn't._

"Pull this thing? Huh, okay - whatever."

She pulled the lever, half of her excitedly expecting something, _anything_ to happen and the other half, the too-smart-for-her-own-good half, just knew nothing would.

And nothing did.

"Woooowwwwww - sooooo cool, great Joel that was really fucking awesome," she said sarcastically with a roll of the eyes.

She crossed both arms and glared at the machine in annoyance.

"Tssht - yeah, yeah I know - ain't got any damn power runnin' through here, what'd you expect?" he said with a light laugh.

"Well, what the hell's supposed to happen then?" she asked as she watched him lift himself off of the machine and replant an arm across her shoulders.

"When you pull the lever, these three squares here - you see 'em?"

She leaned in and squinted her eyes, barely able to make out the images on the surface of each one through the thick layer of dust that had collected on the strange source of entertainment over the past twenty years.

"Yeah - I think so."

"Well, those things spin around real fast an' you uhh... ya know - press this button here to stop 'em - an' you wanna line up the same image on all of 'em basically."

"That's... that's it? That's all there is to it?"

"I think there's other ways to win then just gettin' all three but hell if I know what they are."

She let out a small groan.

"Noooooo not that, I just mean - that's all you do? You stick a fucking quarter in this thing, pull a lever then press a stupid button?"

He laughed at her blunt and simplistic, yet oddly correct description of the thing.

"Yep, that's... that's it."

"Man, the shit you people did back then - so weird - I mean, you paid money for this?" she asked with a tone that bordered on hilarity.

He could sense she was on the verge of bursting into laughter, not that he cared.

"Well, not me - but some people did, sure."

"Huh, well alright then," she responded as she took another close look a the three little squares in the machine.

"What do... wow, that's weird, okay - what do two cherry's and a bell mean?" she asked humorously.

"Tssht - hell if I know girl."

She sighed out of frustration and boredom then adjusted her ponytail.

"Alright, we're done here."

"We are, are we?"

"Yep, and I'm getting hungry and tired so you know what that means," she said with a playful smile, wiggling her way up against him again.

He gently patted her on the head and took a deep breath.

"Reckon I do indeed."

* * *

It was late in the morning and Ellie lay in their sleeping bag, just beginning to open her eyes and awake from her slumber. They'd found a large storage closet to safely hide in for the rest of the afternoon and night, and she was quick to fall asleep upon the arrival of the evening.

She rolled over and patted the empty space around her as she searched for Joel, thinking he was there and eager to take part in what had become a morning habit. Which was nuzzling into him as he snuggled her little self close to him while she slowly and peacefully awoke on her own accord. In a world that forced her to make every decision purely based on survival and necessity, being cuddled in _that_ place, his arms, in the morning as she reeled herself out of her sleep was the only place she'd come to find peace and _happiness_ in. Only this time however, he wasn't there. A sickening feeling caused her stomach to churn and her eyes snapped open.

He wasn't lying next to her.

She shot up to a sitting position, nearly tearing the sleeping bag even more than it already was, and let out a whimper. Her mouth immediately shifted into a scared, saddened frown as she frantically glanced around her. Tears were already piling up in her greenish-blue eyes.

"Oh god - what the - no - where - where is he? Why'd he leave me like this?" she softly spouted to herself.

She let out a nervous, anxious little noise, only to feel the familiar touch of a large hand in conjunction with the calming, deep sound of his voice behind her.

"Woah - hey, hey - shh, easy baby - easy. I'm right here - was just gettin' my shoes on," he said as she immediately pushed herself backwards into his arms.

Her heart was already racing and a cold sweat had just begun to seep from her pores.

"Oh holy shit... thank god... oh fuck... I nearly had a panic attack."

"J-Jesus Ellie - I'm sorry sweet pea I didn't mean to scare ya like that," he said as he wrapped his arms around her squirming little frame that was hellbent on getting as close to him as it could.

"Joel - don't - don't fucking do that!" she stammered as she wiggled and rotated herself around in his arms, firmly planting her nose into his shoulder and curling into a tiny ball, _hoping_ to be completely enveloped by him.

"Shh - it's okay honey, it's okay - I'm here, easy," he soothed.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, relishing being held in her favorite place only seconds after nearly experiencing the one thing she _knew_ would kill her. Her heartbeat jumped to an alarmingly high level, higher than she'd ever felt and that alone scared her even more. _That_ specific feeling, right there, she had yet to fully experience. It only reminded her of the nightmare she had two nights before leaving Jackson and she shuddered at the thought.

"Ugh, I can't even - I don't even wanna think about what would happen if I lost you... fuck that," she whispered.

He simply kissed her on the cheek and continued to hold her tight as he rubbed her back and waited for her to calm down.

"Not a good way to wake up," she mumbled after taking another deep breath and nuzzling her nose into his neck.

"I know - I was just about to tap ya awake too so you wouldn't wake up like that."

"Oh?"

He gently pulled her head off of his shoulder and brushed aside her bangs and smiled.

"Yep - I got a surprise for you."

Her eyes lit up and her frown immediately inverted.

"Really!?" she excitedly exclaimed, her voice reaching a high point the likes of which he'd yet to hear from her.

"Mmhmm - get your shoes on - c'mon now."

She scrambled out of the sleeping bag and quickly threw on her shoes, frantically tying the laces as fast as she could. Delighted to discover what surprise awaited her, she was bursting at the seams with enthusiasm. The sight tickled his heart and before he'd even shown his hand, unveiling the surprise, he felt like he already succeeded.

"Okay - done! Now lets go!" she said, shooting to her feet.

He let out a light laugh.

"Hold your horses there kiddo - gotta pack everything up first."

"Aww man - c'mon, hurry up then!" she said.

"Workin' on it."

Without delay, he rolled up the sleeping bag and scrunched the item into its nylon pouch before placing it in his pack. Minutes went by as he calmly collected their guns, ammo and supplies. It seemed like he was taking his sweet time, like he _knew_ it was annoying her.

Meanwhile, she stood against the wall, anxiously biting her fingernails as she impatiently waited for him to finish gathering their things.

"Uggh - my god, are you done yet?" she groaned.

"Am now - here," he replied as he placed the final item in her backpack.

They both slid their packs on and took a deep breath. It was the fastest he'd ever packed up in the morning. He knew he was making her wait, it was all part of the plan. And part of him took a strange delight in keeping in the impatient little girl on her toes, but of course he wouldn't keep her waiting for too long.

"Are we coming back here?" she asked.

He shrugged.

"Maybe, I dunno - anyway, I want you to grab onto my shirt - don't let go - an' close your eyes."

"Why do I have to grab your shirt?" she asked, her eyes already closed and eager to snap them back open.

"'Cause - we gotta walk, just a bit - ain't far. You hold on tight an' follow me, you hear?" he asked as he walked over and pulled her hand up to press it against his shirt.

 _Close_ her eyes and follow him, _blindly,_ trusting him to guide her through a place she already didn't feel comfortable in. The realization that she'd reached _that_ level of trust with him, caused her to give way to a massive smile. She trusted him, _implicitly._

She simply nodded and gripped the fabric of his shirt, just as he asked and pulled herself closer to him.

He guided them out of the storage closet, which just so happened to make a rather nice place to sleep for the night, and into a large hallway. Within seconds, he could already feel her fidgeting and practically bouncing behind him as she awaited the surprise.

"Where're we going?" she asked, her eyes still closed as she hummed along.

"You'll see."

"Is it far?"

"Not much - almost there, just at the end of this hallway."

Door after door, room after room they passed, they finally reached their destination. He could feel the anticipation effusing from her every nerve and smirked to himself that he was able to get _this_ type of reaction out of her.

He pushed open a pair of large, double doors and entered a grand ballroom, closing them behind him. Multiple tall windows lined the opposite wall, letting in the morning sunlight and basking the room in its early glow. Two more sets of double doors sat at the far end to their right and to their left was a series of tables and chairs. Atop one of the tables sat a boombox covered in a thick layer of dust. But aside from the dust, the electronic device looked to be in remarkably good condition. The entire room looked as if it were being prepared for an event or gathering of some kind in the hours before the outbreak and the openness and empty space provided a perfect place to do exactly what he had in mind.

He guided them to the center of the room and pulled out the football from his pack then turned around to see Ellie with her eyes still closed, just as he asked, smiling like a little kid who was just about to dig into a huge bowl of ice cream.

"Open 'em."

In nanoseconds, her eyelids ripped open. She gasped and her eyes widened.

"Oh my fucking god! You found one! No shit!"

He laughed and swelled with pride. He _loved_ that he could make her smile and feel _this_ happy.

"That I did."

"Fuck yes! Can - can we play?" she asked with an eager grin.

"Tssht - no, figured I'd just show it to you then pop the damn thing flat," he responded with a roll of the eyes.

"Oh fuck you."

"'Course sweet pea! Goddamn - you got any faith in me whatsoever?"

"Yes," she tersely responded as she crossed both arms and smirked.

A gust of wind blew by outside, causing the dried up leaves, leftover from the final days of autumn, to rustle across the pavement. The sound echoed throughout the ballroom, again reminding them that the colder months were quickly approaching if not already present.

"I've always liked that sound," she said.

"What? The leaves rustlin' in the wind?"

"Yeah - I dunno, it's just always... I like it."

He snickered and ran a hand through his hair.

"What? What's so funny?" she asked.

"Just uhh... Sarah used to say the same thing - she liked it too," he responded, this time with a smile instead of a saddened frown upon the mention of Sarah.

Ellie perked up and smiled herself upon seeing the positive expression across his face.

"We apparently have quite a bit in common," she declared.

"Tssht - you got no idea kiddo - anyway, you ready to do this?"

"Hell yeah I am! Give it here!"

"Hang on - one sec... I wonder if - " he started, before turning around and lightly jogging over to the boombox on the table.

"What're you doing?" she loudly asked from the middle of the room.

"Just wait," he responded, raising a hand in the air behind him as he inspected the device.

"Let's see here... aha - see if this damn thing has batteries in it an' still works."

He pushed the power button and immediately the music on the disc that was inside all those years blared through the speakers. The sound quality was poor, muffled, and wasn't as clear as he would've liked, but who was he to complain? This moment just got even _better._ Moreover, he knew the song and the band.

"Oh nice! Hell yeah! Music!" Ellie exclaimed, yelling over the music that now blanketed the ballroom.

"Shit, shit - not too loud - fuck... don't wanna attract attention dammit," he said under his breath as he turned down the volume.

She flopped both arms to her side and frowned.

"Aww - what the hell? C'mon - turn it back up!" she implored.

"I... ahh shit - don't wanna attract... you know what."

She blew a raspberry and heaved a sigh.

"C'mon Joel - we haven't seen one the _entire_ time we've been here, will you just turn it back up, pllleeeaasssee?" she pleaded with a bat of the eyes.

He shook his head and smiled, unable to resist the prodding and pleading little girl.

"Christ - fine."

He cranked the volume back up and strutted away from the table, spinning the ball in his hands.

"Now you remember how to do this?" he asked as he came to a stop about fifteen yards away from her.

"Ring finger on lace one and pinky on three - yep! I got this!"

"That's right - though for those tiny little hands of yours reckon you're gonna wanna do pinky on lace two an' just grip it more towards the tail end."

"Oh, right - yeah... c'mon - toss it here!" she demanded.

He obliged and lobbed the ball to her, giving it a softer, more gentle arc as opposed to a hard straight line. She reached both arms out and caught it as it thudded into her forearms and chest.

"See!? I still got it!" she proudly exclaimed over the music as she gave a joyous, little hop and spun the ball in her hands like he did.

"Sure do - good catch kiddo, now send it on back."

She planted her feet and tried to remember everything he told her on that October day back in Jackson. It didn't take long, and in seconds she gave it everything she had and tossed it back to him. The ball slowly spun and slightly wobbled but reached its destination regardless. Though it wasn't perfect, she was a quick study and her throwing motion was rather impressive for a little girl of her size and age.

"Hey! There you go! Good toss - remember, shoulders square, rotate those hips when you throw it," he instructed as he threw it back to her.

"Ah - yes, right! Got it," she said with a nod as she caught the ball once again.

She paused and tilted her head, letting the music trickle into her ears as she fully listened to it and took in every note.

"Hey - this is pretty good, what is it?"

"Huh? The music?"

"Yeah."

"Oh - this here's from my time - back when I was teenager. Sooo... mid to late nineties?"

She laughed then tossed the ball back, this time with an even tighter spiral and slightly more velocity, though not much more since her little arms could only put so much into it.

"Another good throw... but uhh the hell's so funny?"

"Oh, nothing - just thinking of _you_ as a teenager... it's funny," she responded through her chuckles as she wiped the sweat from her brow.

He snickered and shook his head before throwing the ball back to her, giving it an extra touch of zip and heat in response to her mocking tone. The added velocity didn't phase her in the slightest and she caught it like a pro.

"Putting some heat on it now huh?" she asked.

It irked him, ever so slightly, that she was able to detect it. Though he found more joy and delight in it than annoyance, he wasn't sure why.

"You ain't seen nothin' yet," he said with a smirk and a slow nod.

"Pssht - whatever, bring it on dude!" she responded as she tossed the ball back.

"Anyway yeah, the music - it's a group I used to listen to all the time, they uhh... they do a song that I actually learned on the guitar for Sarah's mom."

"Woah - really?"

"Mmhmm," he simply muttered, throwing the ball again with even more zip.

He wondered how much he could put on it, how straight and hard he could throw it before she gave in. Though he wouldn't _dare_ hurt her. It was more of a pride thing and curiosity driven, hoping one day he would be able to proudly claim his little girl could catch a football like the best of them.

"Huh - well I like it. It's a bit... different, but it's good," she said in regards to the music blaring out of the battery powered boombox.

The fact that the batteries had any juice left and the thing even worked at all was a surprise to them both. But neither was in a position to question, this was a rare moment of carefree enjoyment they hadn't experienced since leaving Jackson. He deserved it. She deserved it. _They_ deserved it.

"Yes ma'am - they're pretty good."

Here they were, two people, from completely different backgrounds and pasts, who'd become so closely tied up and bound with the other. They relished this moment and took in every ounce of joy during this activity. An activity as simple as tossing a ball back and forth between them while listening to music. For a second, he forgot about the world and its current state. He forgot about the Infected and what he'd - no, _they'd -_ gone through. And in that short moment, he felt that everything would somehow end up okay. They were making it to California no matter what, he was _going_ to make it happen.

"Hey Joel - what's this giant blue star on the ball?" she asked as she took a break from throwing and inspected the oddly placed logo.

He let out a small laugh and rested both hands on his hips.

"That is the logo of yours truly's football team there missy," he responded with a grin.

"Oh really now?" she playfully asked, lifting her gaze from the ball to him.

"That's right."

"You never did tell me who your team was. So, who was it?"

"The uhh... Dallas Cowboys," he said, awkwardly running a hand through his hair in the process.

Saying those two words again, together in that fashion, felt utterly strange. It'd been nearly twenty years since they were even muttered, conversations with Tommy during the early days of the outbreak being the last time.

"Because you're from Texas right?" she asked.

He snorted then wiped his brow as he leaned against one of the tables near him to take a break.

"Well - yeah but... there were two teams in Texas, an' like I told you, I always go with my gut - an' that was the Cowboys."

"'Sides - most people in Texas - unless you were actually from Houston, where the other team was - you were a Cowboys fan," he continued.

She slowly nodded her head, as if she was giving him a strange motion of approval while delightfully spinning the ball in her hands.

"Huh - okay, werrrrrrre... they any good?" she asked with curiosity.

He shrugged.

"In the nineties - hell yeah. After that... I dunno - not bad, but not great I guess - 'specially right around the outbreak."

"Oh?"

"Yep - toss that here," he said as he stuck out a hand and lifted himself off the edge of the table.

She obliged, restarting their game of catch.

"Well, cool! So you had a good team then - did most people like them?"

He let out a boisterous, humor-filled laugh at the question.

"Tssht - _hell_ no. Not unless you were actually a Cowboys fan."

"Why the hell not?"

"'Cause - like you just said... they were good - real good."

"Uhhh okay... alright then... well, what would've been my team? Was there one in Massachusetts?" she queried.

Just before throwing the ball back, he snickered to himself and shook his head as he tightened his grip around its surface. The strange reaction caused her to arch an eyebrow.

"What the hell was that for?"

He snorted.

"Nothin' - just... there was a team... _you're_ team - my little Ellie's team," he said, rifling the ball back to her.

"Well c'mon! Spit it out big guy! What was it!?" she asked with excited curiosity after catching the heated pass with ease.

"You uhh... reckon you would'a been a New England Patriots fan," he responded with an almost-mischievous yet playful bounce of the eyebrows.

There were those two words again, New England. They made her laugh like always. She never understood what it made it _new_ as opposed to old and once again she chuckled at the thought.

"I still love that... like - what the fuck makes it _new_?"

She threw the ball back to him.

"Like I said - it ain't old England," he replied with a witty, all-to-proud-of-himself smirk.

"Yeah, yeah - anyway, so I'd be a - what'd you say - a _Patriots_ fan?"

"Tssht - yep - little twerp," he said, again firing the ball back to her.

She let out a guffaw as she caught it, then rested it between her hip and wrist.

"What the fuck's wrong with that!?" she exclaimed.

He laughed.

"There ain't anything wrong with it just - I dunno... if there was any goddamn team people _hated_ more than the Cowboys - it was the Patriots," he said as he wiped his brow again.

"What the hell? Why!?" she stammered in shock. As if for some reason this new found sense of attachment to a team and logo she may have only seen once during her time in Boston, she wasn't even sure if she had, _required_ her to be offended.

"'Cause - 'member how I said the Cowboys were good in the nineties?"

"Yeah."

"Well, the Patriots were that way ever since... well, ever since two-thousand to be honest."

A massive grin stretched across her cheeks and she shifted her posture, proudly lifting up her chin.

"So they kicked ass then? They were awesome and really good right?" she asked, somehow knowing the rhetorical question bothered him, even if only slightly.

He sighed.

"Yeah... that right there - that was the problem. They started winnin' so damn much people thought they were cheatin'."

She let out another guffaw.

"Oh what the hell!? Pfft - what the fuck ever! What - just 'cause people were jealous that they were good and win all the time? Pssht - that's fucking stupid. Whatever... you just made me like them _even_ more, so fuck it - I would'a been a Patriots fan, awesome," she proudly said, elongating the _I_ in her declaration.

"Tsst - well, there were some things that may or may not have happe - ... eh, fuck it - you're right, ain't that the truth. People never liked teams that just... ya know - win all the time like that for years. I mean, unless you're a fan of the damn team yourself."

"Yeah, well you said the Cowboys were that way, so why the fuck are you talking?" she asked.

She had a valid point and as always was willing to fight him on every detail if she knew she was right.

"Goddammit I know... just... hell - "

"So, what did you think?"

He sighed.

"Look at me, gettin' all worked up over football again - first time that's happened since... shit - since before the outbreak when I'd have arguments with Tommy an' his dumb ass friends," he said with a lighthearted laugh.

"I do what I can," she peeped with a smile.

"So, anyway - what did _you_ think about them?"

"I... I dunno. Sometimes I'd get pissed when my 'Boys would play 'em 'cause I'd think they were up to no good. They just somehow _always_ found away to slither away with a win but... hell, people used to say the same damn shit about my Cowboys so I guess I can't really say nothin'. I don't think they were cheatin', they were just real - " he paused and shook his head in slight annoyance.

Even now, nearly a quarter of a century later, the dormant fan within him still cringed when remembering painful games between his Cowboys and Ellie's, apparently, beloved Patriots.

"Real goddamn good - fuck," he said through a snicker to himself.

She'd never seen him get so worked up and dare she think, _passionate,_ about something she thought was so trivial. It was strange to see this side of him, but also oddly soothing. The interaction only reminded her that he really was, at the core, human. And at one point lived a normal life with a daughter and brother as Joel the contractor, as opposed to Joel the emotionally-crippled, nearly-dead-inside ex-hunter.

"Well that's fine - isn't that how it always is with us anyway?" she asked diffidently with a shrug, tucking the ball underneath her arm.

He looked up from the floor and met her big, greenish-blue eyeballs with his gaze and curiously furrowed his brow. The music continued to play in the background, providing a perfect audible backdrop for the current moment.

"What you mean?"

"Well, you said people - everyone - hated our teams. So, it would've been like... you know, us against the world - just like it is now, just like it's always been, right?"

The furrow of his brow waned and a big smile stretched across his lips. She was right, as always. It _always_ had been them against the world, the two of them against all of _humanity._ The fact that she made the metaphorical connection surprised him, though not entirely. Even when he thought he knew everything about her, every detail of her persona and emotional being, she still found ways to surprise him. When would he learn to _stop_ being surprised?

"That's - that's right baby girl - us against the world," he responded with an affirmative nod of the head and another chuckle.

Suddenly, a loud, shrieking howl was heard from behind all three double doors that lead into the room. Fists from Infected pounded away on the rusted metal, sending an ear ringing echo throughout the ballroom. Of course, no moment could make it through this world without being ruined, even a moment as pure as this. They just had to show up, it just _had_ to happen.

"Oh shit!" they both exclaimed, their eyes darting to the doors.

"Ellie - baby! C'mere!" he shouted, his glare shifting from the doors to the one thing that mattered above all else.

He didn't even have to say anything, she was already sprinting to his side.

The snarls, growls and shrieks of the Infected on the other side of each door were getting louder, as if the size of the oncoming horde was increasing with each passing second.

"Shit! Joel - what do we do!?" she nervously stammered.

He glanced around the room, unable to come up with a plan of escape. They were trapped.

"Agggghhhh! Shit! Fuck, fuck, _fuck!_ " he shouted.

"Oh god! No, no! We're fucking trapped aren't we? Aren't we!?" she shouted in a panic.

"I knew I should'a turned down the music goddammit!" he growled as he slammed a fist into the nearby table.

"Joel! That's not fucking helping right now! C'mon, what the fuck do we do!? Tell me what to do!"

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He tried to block out the painful cries and screams that spouted from the wave of _death_ that pounded on the doors. Thought after thought, idea after idea darted through his mind until he realized they only had one option. He readied himself for the inevitable, the one thing that gave them the best possible chance of survival, the one thing that would tip the odds in his favor when it came to keeping his _purpose_ alive and breathing. It was a _gamble,_ but they had to fight. If they wanted to win _,_ it was their best _bet_.

He snapped open his eyes and glowered at the nearest exit.

"Ellie - take the rifle," he commanded.

"What!? We're gonna fucking fight them!?"

"You heard me girl - I said take the rifle," he spat as he reached to the table behind him for his shotgun.

She gulped and immediately grabbed their hunting rifle, raising the butt end to her shoulder. A small shiver ran down her spine and she pulled the lever back, readying the weapon for fire.

He grabbed her by the shoulder and looked deep into her big, glistening, greenish-blue eyes. They were bug-eyed and round as the morning sun outside. For a second, it felt as if the world stopped spinning and the snarls from the creatures that were just waiting to tear the flesh from their bones faded into the background behind the music.

"You stick to me - right here, like this, like glue - the whole time okay?" he said, worry, care, sorrow and _love_ shooting from his eyes.

"Uh-huh - yeah, you got it," she responded with a gulp and quick nod.

"I love you baby girl - get ready."

"I love you too pops," she muttered, trying to hold back the fear that had her hands nearly shaking.

They trained the barrels of their guns on the doors, waiting for the inevitable, gore-filled battle that was mere seconds away. Adrenaline was already pouring into their bloodstreams and their collective heartbeat was through the roof.

The boombox clicked to the next song.

It was them against the world.

* * *

 **AN: Sorry for the cliffhanger - but as you can see, this one got long. I'll do my best to update sooner rather than later. The next chapter is gonna be one juicy _,_ hell of a ride, so hang on to your hats!**


	17. Two Step

**AN: So, I want to give big, big thanks to all of you once again and extra thanks to those who've reviewed/favorited/followed any of my stories. You are all too kind! So thanks again, seriously, you're all awesome and the continued support is really wonderful. Even more appreciation and extra thanks to those who've provided me with direct support and help when I felt discouraged, you know who you are.**

 **A personal note and a umm... dirty little secret on this chapter... I've been wanting to write this one for a very, very, _very_ long time - including the final scene of the previous chapter as well to be honest - since I first envisioned and came up with the plot and idea behind Their Purpose 3 at the very beginning. I've had this scenario in my head and I couldn't wait to finally put it into words, flesh it out and make it "real." Next to the penultimate chapter of this story (which I also can't wait to finally write), this one, in conjunction with the previous, I was extremely eager to do.**

 ** _Anyway, I beg, beg, beg, beg you to listen to the song that I have coupled with this chapter. Please listen to Two Step by Dave Matthews Band while reading this one_. It really adds another element in my opinion. So crank up the volume and give it a go! If you find it distracting and you can't do it, I totally understand. Some people really don't like to read with music or distractions and I get it. But I beg you to give it a shot here.**

 **Enough disclaiming from me, enjoy!**

* * *

Their hearts were pounding. Each heartbeat sent angst ridden reverberations through their bodies and they swore they could even hear the life giving organ pump away behind the other's rib cage as well. They were in sync, beating together in unison like one giant drum. It was the only sound of _life_ that rippled through the air of the grand ballroom, and the sounds of _death_ that pierced through the walls from the adjacent hallways threatened to put an end to all of it. Adrenaline saturated their blood and the sudden injection of the human body's purest and most natural drug twisted their insides into painful knots. They wanted to throw up, piss their pants, do _anything_ other than take part in what was about to transpire. But they had no choice. In this moment of fight or flight, it was fight that gave them their best shot.

They were already beginning to sweat, beads of the salty liquid percolating on their brows as they stood there panting, breathing heavily and waiting for the first door to bust open. In heart wrenching anticipation they gazed ahead with their pupils dilated, the two of them attached at the waist with their guns trained and ready to blast to smithereens whatever barged through the doorways. The barrels of their weapons swayed ever so slightly from the light trembling in their hands as neither had the ability to completely squash away their nerves which tingled with fear and anxiety. The snarls, growls, gnashing of teeth, moaning and crying that poured from the mouths of the Infected was getting louder and louder as the doors began to bend, crack and break, all three of them seconds away from busting open and unleashing the horde onto them.

"Joel! I'm - I'm not ready!" Ellie nervously shouted, her voice cracking and shaking from the fearful clenching of her throat.

Her mouth was dry. Her breaths were heavy and _difficult,_ as if she was on the verge of suffocating.

"Yes you are honey! C'mon girl stay with me!" he shouted back with a slight quaver in his voice as well.

His eyes never broke away from the metal door far in front of them that was now bent so badly, it was about to swing open at any moment. He tried to be strong, he _had_ to be strong, for _her._ Nothing, not even a mob of Infected was about to rip his baby girl away from him.

And nothing was about to rip _him_ away from _her._

"Ohhhh god! I - I love you whatever happens!" she stammered with a gulp as she tried to force away the lump in her throat.

"I know, I - I love you too baby girl!"

 _Bang!_

As the music continued to blare from the boombox, the first set of doors tore free from their hinges and slammed into the ground, giving way to the first wave of Infected.

"Here go!" he screamed.

 _Say, my love  
I came to you with best intention  
You laid down and gave to me  
Just what I'm seeking  
Say, love, you drive me to distraction_

Ellie pulled the trigger of the rifle, unleashing a thunderous roar from the gun that echoed throughout the ballroom. The large bullet pierced through the air and slammed into a clicker's head. Bits of brain, skull and blood splattered onto the wall and sent its corpse flying backwards, knocking it into the pursuing Infected like a bowling ball pummeling into a collection of frail pins that stood in its way.

"Just like that - keep it up!" he shouted.

 _Oh, hey, my love  
Do you believe that we might la_ _st  
_ _A thousand years or more  
_ _If not for this?  
_ _Our flesh and blood  
_ _It ties you and me right up  
_ _Tie me down, oh well_

 _Celebrate we will  
'Cause life is short b_ _ut sweet for certain_  
 _Hey, we're climbing two by two_  
 _To be sure these days continue_  
 _Things, we, cannot, change_

She fired again, sending another rifle round coring through the head of the next clicker that just stepped through one of the doorways. The booming sound of the gun nearly shattered their eardrums as the echo bounced off of the walls and rippled its way through the air back to them.

A group of three zealous runners were sprinting towards them, snarling and gnashing their teeth at the sight of the alive and untainted meal. Joel pulled the trigger of the shotgun, sending a flurry of shrapnel towards the beasts and ripping their flesh into pieces and knocking them to the ground in a lifeless heap of death.

"Joel! On your right!" she warned as she uncorked another perfectly placed shot from the rifle into an oncoming clicker.

"I see it!" he shouted back as he fired another shell into the next charging pack of runners.

 _Hey, hey, my love  
You came to me like wine co_ _mes to this mouth_  
 _Grown tired of water all the time_  
 _You quench my heart and, oh_  
 _You quench my mind, and say it_

The last pair of doors came crashing to the floor. The loud slam of metal against the floor was followed by more Infected pouring into the ballroom through the gaping holes that were the doorways. The rancid beasts tripped and tumbled over one another, moaning and screaming as they hungered to dig their teeth into the two living bodies that stood before them.

Joel fired again, sending a vicious spray of shrapnel and buckshot into yet another pack of runners. The small bits of metal tore into their soft flesh, even beheading and dismembering a few that were getting too close. The pile of bodies and pool of blood across the maroon carpet was becoming sickening, overwhelming and _macabre._ Shot after shot, more and more of the beasts fell to the floor as the two of them poured every ounce of anger, frustration, hate and even _love_ into each pull of the trigger. The adrenaline that previously had them shaking like leaves in the wind now had them reinforced with an iron will, their brains far too caught up in the heat of battle to give anything, besides the other of course, a second thought.

"Joel! I'm out!" Ellie shouted in a panic as she reached behind and into her pack, frantically trying to pull out a handful of rifle rounds.

"Go! Move! Do it fast! I got you!" he commanded.

He stepped in front of her, pivoting the barrel of the shotgun from right to left in a semi-circle after each pull of the trigger. More and more Infected ran towards them and more and more bodies continued to pile up, the victims from his fury-induced buckshot getting shredded to tattered bits.

 _Boom - click-click! Boom - click-click! Boom - click-click!_

The thunderous roar from the weapon sent shock waves through the room and their chests. Each Infected that got too close went shooting, flying, plummeting, tumbling and falling to the floor from the impact of its deadly force and shrapnel. Somehow, they were keeping the wave at bay, even if only just barely, plowing through one group of Infected after another. They were _artists,_ painting the most gruesome, ghastly and grotesque obscene mass of bodies, blood and gore that this once luxurious casino and resort had ever been privy to.

"Ellie! Hurry! Clickers!" he shouted.

"I know, I know! I'm done!" she retorted as she pulled the lever back on the rifle.

She stepped aside, out from behind him and immediately trained the barrel onto the head of another oncoming clicker.

 _Bang!_

The ensuing pull of the trigger sent another banshee-like cackle through the room, intertwining with the music that continued to blast through the speakers of the boombox. The rifle round slammed into her target, immediately beheading the beast and causing it to crumble to the floor and twitch in its final seconds of life, if one could even call it _that_. She fired again. Then again, both shots perfectly placed into the skulls of the next two clickers.

"Out again!" she exclaimed through her panted breaths.

Her palms were sweaty, her heartbeat was astronomically high and she thought she was going to fall to the floor and die _regardless_ in a hyperventilating mess.

"Alright! Go! I got you!" he protectively shouted as he stepped in front of her again.

 _Oh, how, my love  
I came to you with best intention  
You laid down and gave to me just what  
I'm seeking  
_ _Say, love, watch me celebrate dear_

 _Celebrate we will  
'Cause life is short but sweet for certain  
Hey, we're climbing two by two  
To be sure these days continue  
Things, we, cannot, change_

The reserve supply of rifle rounds and shotgun shells was draining fast. But they had yet to miss and each time one of the projectiles left the barrel of his shotgun or her rifle, more and more bodies piled up. The carpet, which was now richly saturated with a dark, liquid red, squished beneath their shoes as the taint of gore and lifeless Infected filled the room. They had no idea how they were still alive, were they? Some part of them thought as if the entire spectacle was surreal, that they were eaten alive long ago and were simply trapped in some state of limbo.

But their hearts were still beating. They were still breathing. They heard each and every booming shot from their guns. Even though the endless number of bodies flying and falling from the impact of their rounds seemed like a giant blur, they were still alive. _Their purpose_ was still intact.

To _hell_ with the rancid monsters that threatened to horrifically rip to shreds and kill his little girl, his baby, and sweet, little _angel_. He was ready to mercilessly slaughter every single one of them to keep her safe. He was ready to throw _himself_ into the ravenous mob, no matter what, if it meant keeping her heart beating and lungs inflating with air. But of course, she wouldn't let him. For if he succumbed to the horde, she would transform into the devil itself and fight to the _death,_ brutally punishing each of the beasts for taking away that which mattered most to her.

If he were to perish, so would she. _They_ would perish, as one.

He rained down another flurry of buckshot and shrapnel, just barely holding back the nearest wave of Infected and sending their bodies to the ground with the rest. Seconds later, Ellie pulled the lever back on the rifle and rattled off another set of three, rapidly fired head shots.

One pull of the trigger, two, three, and before she knew it the three closest clickers were piled on the floor in a bloody heap.

"Fuck, _fuck!_ Joel! I'm all out - _really_ out!" she shouted in despair.

Suddenly, everything seemed hopeless. As if the grim reaper was creeping his way through the doorway, ready to siphon their souls through the tip of its scythe in the next few seconds.

Joel pulled the trigger of his shotgun once more, only to hear it emit an anemic click instead of another powerful, ear shattering boom from the barrel.

"Goddammit! Me too!" he spouted back as more runners quickly approached them.

He tossed the weapon onto the table next to him and in one swift motion swiped up the lead pipe which sat adjacent to his pack. A cringe worthy shriek spouted from one of the runners, the wretched beast mere feet from him. He violently rotated his torso around, his arms following in a circular, horizontal swing across his body as the pipe smashed into the runner's head, sending bits of its skull and brains flying in multiple directions from the blunt impact.

Meanwhile, Ellie frantically pulled out her pistol and began firing into the next set of oncoming Infected.

 _Pop-pop-pop! Pop-pop-pop! Pop-pop-pop!_

The smaller rounds from the handgun didn't kill them instantly like the rifle, for she needed at least three rapidly fired shots to end the life of just one. But she was a machine, and with only nanoseconds of delay in between each pull of the trigger, the size of the mountainous, morbid pile of bodies grew.

She started backpedaling. The thinning horde was creeping closer to them as the time it took to slaughter each beast increased more and more. Her heart started to pound even harder, her breaths became more frantic and panicked and her hands returned to their shaking state. The end was near. She _knew_ they were running out of bullets, running out of _time._ Time that was so precious to both of them, time that they never once took for granted because they knew any second of any day could be their last.

Joel, the swirling whirlwind of death with his blunt weapon, went into a bloodthirsty rage. His muscles tensed to the point he thought he was going to snap every tendon in his body and collapse to the floor. But he had to keep swinging, keep fighting, keep _killing_ to ensure his purpose and _her_ purpose, stayed alive.

The number of bodies lying over the ballroom floor was unlike any sight they'd ever seen, even during their travels over a year ago that began in Boston. Were they making progress? Were they hanging on? Were they going to make it? The hope-filled thoughts only briefly darted across their collective conscience and in that moment anything so _foolish_ as hope, seemed utterly naive. However, the howls and screams was quieting, and the density of each wave was getting thinner and thinner. They were making progress.

Barely.

Immediately after ripping out the lead pipe's blunt end from a cave it created in the head of a runner, Joel heard a panicked scream as Ellie fell to the floor onto her back. Her eyes were as round as a full moon and her dainty, little index finger rapidly twitched above the trigger of her handgun, constantly pressing it and hoping that more bullets would shoot from the barrel and she didn't run empty.

But it _was_ empty. Only a flurry of light clicks echoed from the gun and right away she let out a cry. He of course heard it, he heard it above _everything_ else, even the music. It was a cry for help from the little voice that he'd become so attached to, the one voice in the universe that for some reason gave him peace.

"Ellie!" he shouted at the top of his lungs in fright as he jolted towards her.

A runner was already in the process of leaping onto her, its lips dripping with blood and saliva knowing it was so close to tasting and feasting on her fair, soft and supple flesh. She raised a forearm, pressing it against the beast's neck to keep its gnashing teeth at bay as she turned her head to the side and cringed.

"Joel!" she shouted in another desperate plea for help.

Even though she was only less than ten feet away, he couldn't get there fast enough. His pupils dilated and his adrenaline level spiked even higher, empowering his muscles with a superhuman strength he'd only ever felt once before, and that was when fought his way to her in Salt Lake City, rescuing her from certain death.

"Get off of her you son of a bitch!" he roared in anger as he finally reached the beast that writhed on top of her.

Mid stride, he kicked the runner in the side of the head with his boot. The steel toe tip of it collided into the monster's skull, crushing its temple and brains into mush, sending it flying off to the left and twitching in its waning moments of life.

"Joel - look out!" Ellie shouted in a panic as another runner was about to dig its teeth into his shoulder from behind.

In that moment, it was as if time stood still. Everything around her stopped, it seemed the earth ceased to spin. She tunnel visioned and it was only her and the beast that threatened to end _everything_ right then and there. She took a quick but deep breath, and at a speed she didn't even know she was capable of, she unhitched her switchblade and shot to her feet.

"Aaaahhh get the fuck away from him!" she screamed as she dove forward, jamming the tip of the blade into the runner's throat, just before it bit the one thing that was keeping her going, the one thing that made her life _worth_ living.

It tumbled and fell backwards, gurgling and writhing on the floor as its throat filled with blood.

Finally, a reprieve from the constant wave of Infected occurred. Joel grabbed her by the arm and darted his eyes across the room during the small break. They had to get out, they needed to escape. There was too many, they had nothing left except only the two of _them_. Then, as if some benevolent being had been looking down on them the entire time, just wanting to see how far they could go, a heart-melting realization hit her.

The doorway they entered through was clear. No more Infected poured through it, for only the two doorways at the other end still had the monsters trickling through. It was another sliver of good fortune when they so desperately needed it in this most dire moment.

"Oh my god Joel! Look! Go, go, go!" Ellie shouted as her eyes widened in disbelief at the wonderful sight.

"I know, go! Go!" he snapped back.

They swiped their packs from the surface of the tables and bolted for the doorway as more Infected chased them, snarling and sniveling every step of the way. They rounded the corner and entered the hallway, the horde tripping and stumbling over one another as the beasts piled through the doorway behind them.

Hand in hand, side by side, they two of them sprinted as fast as they could, racing across the maroon colored carpet.

"Where do we go!? What do we do!?" Ellie shouted as she glanced over her shoulder to see the rabid pack of monsters giving chase.

"Don't look back! Just keep runnin'!" Joel replied, tugging on her arm to urge her along.

They passed the supply closet they slept in the night before, weaving through the maze of trash and objects that stood as obstacles across the floor. They approached the stairwell that led back into the main casino floor, the two of them practically leaping and tripping over their own feet after each step that descended into the once glorious, adult entertainment extravaganza.

"C'mon, c'mon, go, go!" she exclaimed through her panted breaths.

Their bodies were on the verge of collapsing from exhaustion, the only thing keeping them going was the adrenaline and _each other._

The ancient layer of playing cards, poker chips and loose change that sprawled over the floor of the room slid across the slick, dirty carpet beneath their feet after every step. They could hear the echo of the howls and cries of the Infected traveling down the hallway as the mob flooded into the casino floor as well, most of them stumbling and rolling down the steps in a chaotic heap of bodies.

Then, they both tunnel visioned. Seeing another sliver of hope that just might of guaranteed them survival.

"Joel! Look! Doors!"

"I know! I see 'em!"

A set of thick, steel, double doors, that when closed split the hallway in half, stood far before them. The makeshift barricade separated the casino floor from the lobby and entrance of the grand resort. They were so close. They could feel the cold touch of the door handle on their fingertips before even reaching it. It was their salvation, their last hope to escape. And if they pushed themselves _this_ hard any longer, their lungs and hearts were going to burst from their chests from working overtime, near the point of _death._

One step, two steps, three steps, four, five, six, seven, the blockade couldn't come fast enough.

Finally, they stepped through the doorway. Ellie dove forward and collapsed onto the floor in exhaustion. Joel immediately spun around, gripped the long, cold, steel rod that was the handle to the large pair of doors and threw the temporary blockade shut in one violent motion. The loud bang of the metal barricade slamming closed echoed throughout the hallway, muffling the shrieks and hungering cries from the mob of Infected on the other side.

He slid the lock in place then wedged the bloodied, nearly broken-in-half lead pipe in between the door and its handles, praying it would provide just enough resistance to keep the wall of steel closed and thus hold back the mob for even a scant amount of time.

After taking a step back from the door and wiping his brow as he took a deep breath, he lunged down and pulled Ellie to her feet, both of them hearing the pounding of fists against the cold steel behind them.

"C'mon - we still gotta move!" he shouted.

"Yeah... uh-huh, I - I know!" she replied, the words of the frantic response staggered by panted breaths.

The two of them bolted across the lobby and through the exit in which they originally entered the day before. The sudden and jarring presence of the late morning sun immediately blinded them as the light flooded into their dilated pupils. But refusing to stop, refusing to take a break until he was absolutely sure they would be safe, he dragged them across the parking lot, down the side of the building and around the corner into a nearby alleyway.

They collapsed to the ground, Joel lying flat on his back and a hand planted atop his brow as Ellie sat against the wall with her legs stretched out in front. Their chests violently expanded and contracted with such force it nearly _hurt_. Their bodies couldn't get enough oxygen as they came down from the adrenaline high that helped them stay _alive_.

"Holy... fucking... oh my god... holy shit," she said in exhaustion, her eyes big, bug-eyed and round as they gazed at the ground between her outstretched legs.

"I - I... I know - Jesus Christ," se responded, barely able to push the words through his lips and intense breathing.

"I can't believe we - " she stopped, gulped, then took a massive, deep breath and winced as the sting in her lungs was almost too much to bear.

"- actually made it... holy shit... oh _fuck,_ " she said, her neck going limp as her head drooped so she could get a good look at him.

As her eyes quickly scanned his large frame that was sprawled out before her, she prayed to not find a single scratch, or worse, a bite mark on any part of him.

And as the adrenaline began to fade, his clouded mind cleared like the parting of an early morning fog. Without even looking, he immediately reached a hand out to his left, grasping the air as he sought out hers.

In an instant, she met it with hers, gripping it _so_ tight he thought she might actually break it.

"Uh-huh... talk to me kiddo - you okay sweet pea? You good?" he asked with care as he strained to pull his eyes to the left and see her little frame and auburn haired ponytail. Concern and _love_ were palpable behind every word that ran across his tongue and through the exhausted, deep breaths of his own.

She lifted her hands, inspected both arms and touched her face and neck, half expecting to find a wound of any kind, even if only minor. But there was none. She was fine.

"I... yeah, I'm - I'm alright. It's a fucking miracle I don't even... how did we - holy shit," she said, still utterly shocked and in complete disbelief of the recent events.

"What about you? You okay pops?" she asked softly, the concern of her own expressed more through her eyes than words.

He took another deep breath and nodded, wiping the sweat from his face that dripped down his brow and onto his nose and cheeks.

"Yeah I... I think so - hell if I know how... Jesus," he said.

He was fine. _They_ were fine.

"Catch your breath - then we're gettin' the _hell_ outta here," he continued.

"Thank fucking god," she said as she exhaled and looked towards the sky.

"Alright, for real this time - no more goddamn hotels," he said as he affectionately rubbed her little hand with his.

The touch of it reinforced the knowledge that they were still alive. That she was still by his side and his purpose hadn't been dreadfully ripped away from him.

"Yeah, no fucking shit. Man... it - it really is us against the world isn't it?" she said.

He took one more big breath, but lighter and less deep than before as his body began to relax.

"Always was, always is baby girl - us against the goddamn world."

 _Do you believe that we might la_ _st  
_ _A thousand years or more  
_ _If not for this?  
_ _Our flesh and blood  
_ _It ties you and me right up  
_ _Tie me down, oh well_

 _'Cause life is short but sweet for certain  
_ _We're climbing two by two  
_ _To be sure these days continue_

* * *

 **AN: I do not take credit for the song or lyrics from the song _Two Step by Dave Matthews Band_ as it is the property of Dave Matthews himself and his record label. I only own that which is mine, nothing less, nothing more.**


	18. The Sierras

"Holy sh-sh-shit Joel. It's f-f-fucking freezing up here," Ellie stuttered through chattering teeth as she wrapped both arms around herself in a feeble attempt to keep warm.

Freshly fallen snow crunched beneath their feet as they ascended the Sierras via interstate eighty, hoping to make it over Donner Pass, the highest point of elevation they would reach, before nightfall. It was their first run-in with archetypal winter weather and they hoped it would be their last, knowing that the warmer climate of the central valley in California wasn't far. But, it was _brutal_. A frigid, icy-cold wind howled through the air and a constant heavy snowfall fell from the late December sky. They'd seen signs for the pass not long ago, but the horrendous weather insisted on slowing them to a crawl.

"I know - c'mon, we're almost there. We'll get to the pass an' call it quits," Joel responded with a grimace, turning his head to the side as the bite from the winter wind on his face was becoming too much to bear.

In doing so, he caught a glimpse of the tiny framed redhead walking along side him. She was shivering and blue in the lips. Her hair was speckled with a thin, scattered layer of snowflakes, the base of her ponytail almost a pure white from the collection of frozen liquid. Both of her arms remained tightly wrapped around her torso and he watched each of her limbs shiver and shake from the chilling wind. She was always so strong, tough as nails and willing to _fight_ anything and everything. Yet here, she looked so frail, so fragile and delicate, and flat out _miserable._

"Okay," she peeped before whispering a lengthy and profanity laced growl across her tongue, cursing the weather and its punishing effects.

She hated the winter. She hated the cold. She hated the snow and since her body hummed along at a higher temperature than normal due to her _gift_ , the drastic contrast between her and the environment made her experience the cold in a far more intense way. It was crippling, bone shattering, and during the periodic gusts of wind, she felt like _dying._

 _God_ did he want to hold her and keep her warm. Seeing her in such a state was breaking his heart. Every part of him wanted to simply wrap his arms around her, pull her into his chest and somehow transfer every ounce of body heat he had to keep her warm. He couldn't wait until they set up camp for the evening, when he could finally snuggle her in his arms and keep her warm for the duration of the night while enveloped by their sleeping bag.

"J-jesus Ellie, you okay honey?" he asked as he sidled up next to her.

Feeling the warmth from his close proximity, even if it was only minuscule, made her smile. At least she thought she did anyway. In reality she had no idea. She couldn't even feel her lips and her teeth refused to stop their persistent chattering. The sound of them clacking together had been echoing inside her head for the better part of an hour. If she was smiling, she had no clue, but she tried regardless in an attempt to remain positive.

Screw the cold weather and the winter. _They_ were making it to California alive. She refused to accept anything less.

"Y-yeah - I'll be fine," she simply said, a few snowflakes falling from her bangs as she nodded in response.

"You sure?" he pried, not entirely convinced.

"I said I'm fine," she spat back, annoyed that he even considered for a second that she'd give in.

Although, she could at any time, knowing he wouldn't _dare_ judge her for it at all. And _that_ gave her a sense of comfort and warmth.

"Alright - well my ass is freezin' here to. We get to the pass, we're done."

She tried to smile again.

 _God_ she couldn't wait for this to be over, just like him. She couldn't wait to crawl into his arms and soak up every sliver of warmth from his much larger engulfing frame. Being snuggled and coddled in his embrace was all she could think about. Her mind's eye settled and focused on only that. And in the frigid cold that was pummeling her to the point of desperation, she used the tender thought as a source of motivation and strength to forge on for just a _little_ bit longer.

"I'll get us a fire goin' - we'll eat an' keep warm for the night," he continued, simply hoping he could fill that little head of hers with positive thoughts.

"S-sounds g-good to me b-boss," she stuttered, giving way to another forced smile in an attempt to remain positive.

Her willpower was rapidly spiraling down the drain and suddenly her eyes widened. Both feet began to tingle, feeling a bite from the cold against her skin. A freezing touch engulfed her toes and she realized that the holes in her shoes, the thin sneakers harrowed by hundreds of miles of travel, were now letting bits of snow creep inside. Unlike him, she wasn't wearing a pair of thick steel-toe boots. She felt as if death itself crept into her feet, the icy touch eager to consume one dainty little toe at a time with frostbite. And as her feet began to freeze, so did the rest of her.

"Joel! My - my shoes!" she shouted in a panic.

Her chin, cheeks and lips were numb, she didn't even know if they widened enough to let out the frantic call.

He immediately stopped and looked down, saw her trusty sneakers covered in snow and right away knew what caused her to yelp.

"Oh shit - oh no - they lettin' snow in?" he asked with concern.

The shivers that gripped her body grew in intensity and all she could do was simply nod in response. The pitiful little frown on her lips and the endearing cry for help that shot from her eyes nearly melted his heart right then and there.

They were running out of time. They both knew it.

"Shit. Goddammit - okay just... ahhhh fuck!" he shouted as he ran both hands across the numb cheeks of his face.

"Okay, we're so close baby - just... hang in there. We'll get you a dry pair of socks an' figure somethin' out," he assured her after a painful deep breath.

His lungs and the back of his throat stung from the intake of frigid air.

"M-my feet are freezing Joel! How - how much longer!?" she asked, her tough outer shell starting to crack from the unrelenting and bone chilling cold that just refused to give her a moment of reprieve.

"Less than a mile - we're _so_ close, I swear honey - c'mon," he said, urging her to forge on as he restarted his walk up the mountain.

She looked as if she was frozen and stuck to the ground. If he didn't initiate the act of stepping forward, they weren't going anywhere.

"I - I think dying would be f-f-fucking better than this sh-shit," she stammered before summoning the energy to reluctantly follow him.

She wasn't kidding, and a small part of her wondered if dying was a better option. At least death would relieve her of the tremendous pain from the biting cold. But, if she were to give up, he would give up. It would kill him. She knew so.

And that... that thought alone, kept her going.

They trudged on and slowly climbed towards Donner Pass, barely able to make out the remnants of interstate eighty to help guide them. Thick chunks of snow crunched beneath their feet, more and more of the stuff seeping into Ellie's shoes and freezing the blood in her veins to the point she thought it stopped flowing. Each gust of wind temporarily stopped them in their tracks and their faces winced from the stinging discomfort brought on by the sudden spike of cold.

Suddenly, her hands started to shake, but not from just the cold. Despite being frozen to the bone, she started sweating. Her skin began collecting a thin film of cold sweat. The fair membrane of her body became clammy to the touch. Her heart started to race and her vision blurred as a wave of dizziness hit her.

Her body, due to her _gift_ and condition, was working far too hard to keep its internal temperature high enough. She needed to eat.

 _Now._

"Oh god - oh no," she softly said under her breath as her eyes widened.

She came to a stop, but Joel didn't notice. He was distracted by the sight of a sign not far off in the distance, the bright green metal welcoming them to the pass. As if it was congratulating them on somehow making it _this_ far.

"J-Joel," she softly peeped, unable to bring her voice to a yell.

He didn't hear her over the howling wind.

He quickened his pace, increasing the distance between him and the poor, hungry, freezing-cold little girl who was on the verge of collapsing and simply stood like a statue ankle deep in snow.

"There it is! That's it!" he shouted over his shoulder, hardly turning his head and assuming she was still tied to his hip.

"J... Joel, I - I need - " she muttered again, her lips barely able to move.

Then finally, her body couldn't take it anymore. It went limp and she collapsed, flopping face first into the fresh powdery snow that covered the ground. She went unconscious and passed out. The cold sting of the snow against her cheeks would've normally caused her to shriek and leap back up to her feet. But instead she lay there, motionless, looking _dead._

"C'mon Ellie, we - " he began to exclaim with joy and pride, but his tongue twisted into a knot upon realizing she was no longer by his side.

"Oh fuck - Ellie!" he shouted as he snapped himself around.

Immediately, he felt sick. His stomach churned and his heart rate spiked, sending a furious shot of adrenaline into his blood stream. He frantically scanned the road behind him, looking for the five-foot, tiny framed girl topped by a mix of auburn hair and snowflakes. His lips trembled and right away his eyes began to burn.

"Ellie! Baby!" he desperately shouted, his eyes still darting across the landscape in a panic.

Finally, they settled on the small, little mound of red and black plaid lying in the snow about thirty feet away. He could just barely make out her figure which was quickly collecting a thin layer of snow. In painstaking fashion, he watched each individual flake fall from the sky and lightly kiss her hair as winter's natural and smothering blanket began to cover her unconscious body. The tips of her hair, bangs and ponytail fluttered in the wind during each gust. They were the only pieces of her moving.

His heart _sank_. He was _crushed._

Without hesitation he bolted forward, nearly stumbling and tripping over his own feet in the process and kicking up a thick cloud of snow around him after each frantic step.

"Oh god - no, no, no - oh Jesus! I'm comin' Ellie! I'm comin' sweetie!" he shouted, his voice quavering from the sight of her motionless, little frame lying face first in the snow.

The snow made every step difficult and each one took triple the effort and energy. He was exhausted, completely spent but it didn't matter. No matter how panted his breaths became, he wouldn't dare listen to his body's request to slow down.

Upon reaching her, he scrambled to his knees and slid both arms under her belly. In a swift, but gentle - he was _always_ so gentle with her - motion he flipped her over and pulled her limp body into his arms.

"Oh _fuck_ me!" he cried out in agony, placing a hand at the base of her neck, just below the knot of her ponytail as he pulled her head to his chest.

He pressed his lips against her cold-to-the-touch hair and whispered.

"C'mon Ellie - hang in there - don't you _dare_ let go - c'mon baby girl."

He lifted her head away from his chest and inspected her face. Her lips were a dark, purplish blue and her eyebrows had small clumps of snow stuck to them. The cheek that lay against the icy snow was a deep red, and he could just _feel_ the sting against it that he knew would've made her recoil in pain if she were conscious.

He gave her tiny body a gentle shake, in hopes it would wake her.

It didn't. Her ponytail simply swayed in the wind and brushed against his forearm, nothing more.

His lips trembled again and he let out a pained exhale as he simply stared at the forever adorable face that he held in his hands.

"Oh _god -_ baby," he said sympathetically as his mouth, not even known to him, formed a pouting frown.

He gave her a very, _very_ gentle slap to the cheek in another attempt to wake her.

"C'mon Ellie - wake up. Wake up sweetie - _c'mon_ Ellie!" he pleaded between each soft touch of his hand against her rosy cheek.

Nothing he did worked.

There she was, his little girl, _his_ Ellie lying limp in his arms. Just the day before she was smiling as bright as the sun, bouncing with each step and happily prodding him with jokes and curiosity filled questions like always. She was lively, and dare he thought, _happy_ , like she always seemed to be when in his presence. Except now, she was the antithesis of lively. She looked dead, completely motionless and her eyes looked as if they were glued shut, tiny snowflakes hanging from the tips of their lashes. Seeing the absence of the warm, pink, fleshy color that usually filled her lips was _haunting,_ and the sight of her as a whole _crushed_ him even more.

At this point, she was the only possible thing that could make him cry, his adorable and cute little sprite that he just _loved_ so much it terrified him. And he started to, feeling a tear from each eye run down his cheeks, the small drops of liquid nearly freezing upon reaching the scruff of his beard.

He lowered his head and pressed an ear against her chest, praying to hear the next beat of her heart. It finally came, the little organ emitting a muffled and almost _desperate_ sounding thump, signaling that it was still alive.

"Oh thank Christ," he said under his breath as he enveloped her in his arms once more.

Another blustering gust of wind sliced through them and he rotated his torso, putting his back to it as he instinctively wrapped around her and tried to protect her from its nipping cold.

"I gotcha - I gotcha. I'm gonna take care of you baby, I'm here, don't you worry," he mumbled as he adjusted her in his arms.

"C'mon, stay with me - here we go," he continued as he scooped her up and rose to his feet.

A thin, sparse fog of snow dust fell from her little frame and onto his boots. Though she'd only been lying in the stuff for a few minutes, the winter weather had already begun to consume her.

With an arm tucked under her legs and the other wrapped around her back, he held her as close to him as he could. Her head limply fell into his chest and he gently rotated it so her lips were pressed into his shirt, hoping any amount of added warmth would bring back their lively color.

His eyes finally broke away from the _precious_ little girl in his arms and they scanned ahead. Desperation and a saddened sense of _defeat_ filled him.

"Fuck this - I am _not_ losin' you," he growled as he gritted his teeth.

He stepped forward, trudging further up the mountain and through the snow. The wind and snowfall pelted him every step of the way, as if some higher being was trying to destroy whatever willpower he had left. After what felt like an eternity, he made it to the pass. His hands and fingers were numb, frozen to the touch after being pulled out of their sleeves to hold onto the unconscious redhead in his arms. Before going numb, they stung horribly, and the thought that _she_ experienced the same sensation broke his heart.

"We're okay - we're okay - I gotcha - we're okay baby girl - we're okay... we're... okay," he mumbled to himself as he took one slow step through the snow after another, his voice getting softer and more pained after each breath.

He glanced back down at her once again, only to see the same lifeless being he saw minutes ago.

"Oh _god_ \- we're... we're okay Ellie... we're okay - we're okay," he continued as his crying slowly intensified.

Oddly enough, in the strangest of ways, the tears felt _good._ They were warm and gave him a narrow, shallow trail of heated comfort that trickled down his cheeks before inevitably freezing. But how many times did he have to tell himself everything would be okay until he accepted it as truth? He didn't know, he just thought it helped, even if only barely.

He gulped and frantically glanced around, looking for anything that would remotely act as shelter from the wind and snow. Within seconds, his eyes settled on a small structure that looked barely intact after twenty years of neglect. It was an old highway patrol outpost and it would have to do, even though bits of the roof had been torn away.

"We'll take it - cruel goddamn world. Kill us already if you're really gonna do it you son of a bitch," he spat under his breath as he lumbered his way towards the shack-like structure.

The wind took an even more violent turn, howling and twisting the air around them while he fought his way forward. Every step was a struggle.

The door to the derelict outpost was dented, bent and hardly attached to its hinges. He pulled it open, feeling the bottom of it get stuck and caught against the ground. He leaned into it with a shoulder and gave it a big push. The rusted door screeched and groaned as it stuttered open, carving a trail through the snow with a sharp and jagged corner.

He stepped inside and right away the break from the wind was relieving. He took a deep breath and gently set Ellie down in a corner then yanked the door shut. The sound of the wind became muffled, the faint howl of it only heard through the cracks and holes above them in the roof. Then, before doing anything else, he took off his flannel and snugly wrapped her in it, despite the freezing ambient temperature. Right away, goosebumps rose on his skin and he let out a violent shiver as the t-shirt he wore beneath it provided an anemic amount of protection from the cold.

He quickly unzipped his pack and pulled out his two other flannels, the only other shirts he packed when they left Jackson.

"Here we go - c'mon now - let's get you warm," he said to her, but more to himself, as he wrapped her in both shirts, enveloping her little self in the soft, warming fabric.

All that was exposed to the frigid air was her head, lower legs and feet. The rest of her was bound and wrapped up in his shirts, looking like a little ball of plaid and flannel. He wasn't done. He unraveled the ridiculously-soft plush blanket Maria gave them and swathed her in it as well.

"Knew this thing would come in handy," he said under his breath as he swaddled her in it.

It was big enough to wrap around her little frame multiple times. If it weren't for the deathly, blueish-purple tinge in her lips, she would've looked like an adorable little angel. Peacefully sleeping while encased in a safe cocoon consisting of everything they had to keep warm. Only her face and the top half of her head peeked through the enveloping mound of flannel and blanket. The sight tickled his heart, but also seemed to twist the emotional knife that was dug into him even more. _His_ little angel looked so innocent, so _precious,_ yet for all he knew she was on the verge of death and in _pain_.

"I'll be right back, I promise - hang in there," he cooed.

Whether she could hear him or not didn't matter. Some part of him felt as if the more he spoke to her, the sooner he would rope her back to the land of the living. The spectacle reminded him of nursing her back to health after David. After Michelle.

Another gust of wind shot across the roof of the outpost, rattling the steel door and remaining shingles in the process. Sparse, little clouds of snowflakes fell through the hole in the roof, covering the nearby dilapidated desk in a thin coat of the stuff.

"Goddammit - _fuck_ it's cold - shit," he spat under his breath as he gathered random materials to start a small fire.

An icy chill slithered up his spine, causing the goosebumps on his skin to swell to the size of small hives. He closed his eyes, shook his head and took a deep breath, expelling the massive shot of air through his lips with force as he tried to rid himself of the cold.

Before long, his numb fingers and hands gathered a small, burnable pile of materials on the floor. And struggling to even move his shivering limbs, he fumbled out a match from the lone matchbox they traveled with. It was damp, maybe even too damp to spark a flame.

"C'mon, c'mon - work you piece of shit - work with me here," he pleaded as he swiped the match against the box again and again.

Finally, a gorgeous flame burst at the tip. It was _beautiful_ and he heaved a massive sigh of relief, almost lightly laughing from the sight. He threw the match into the pile and it quickly went aflame, instantly heating the air in the small structure with its warmth.

"Thank Christ."

He scurried back to Ellie and picked her up, still wrapped in his flannels, the blanket and all. He quickly untied her shoes and tugged them off of her frozen, tiny feet. Her socks were soaked, ice cold to the touch and he yanked them off as well, placing them near the fire to dry. The once fair and pale skin of her feet was now a bright, painful looking red and her cute little toes looked as if they were screaming in agony from the cold. They were _so_ red.

"Ohhhh honey," he softly murmured with a frown as he reached for both of her feet.

He held them, the dainty little things fitting almost entirely in his larger palms. He caressed them and gently rubbed them, hoping to slowly imbue them with whatever remaining heat was left in his hands. Once the redness in her toes and feet began to fade, he reached into her pack to find her only other pair of socks. They weren't clean by any means, for they felt almost hard and crusted to the touch and smelled of grime and sweaty feet. Feet that had walked literally hundreds of miles over the past month. But it didn't matter, that never bothered him. Neither of them found the other's scents revolting, whether it was the smell of sweat encrusted socks or the familiar odor of greasy, dirty hair. Instead, in the weirdest of ways, they found the smells strangely soothing, almost _intoxicating,_ since it only reassured them that the other was _close._

Before gently sliding the dry pair of socks onto her feet, he gave the arch of each foot a light, paternal kiss. He was willing to try _anything_ to wake her up and bring her back to a conscious state.

He tucked the bottom of the blanket around them then let out a pained sigh. He wiped his eyes dry with the back of a hand then gave her a peck on the forehead. He then settled into a cross-legged position, against the wall, and gently set her down in his lap, her delicate little feet still bundled in the blanket and dangling over the edge of his thigh. He wrapped an arm around her and rested a hand on her stomach as his bicep and forearm supported her weight while her head limply fell into his shoulder.

"There we go... there we go... we're okay... we're okay," he quietly mumbled with an airy and pained voice as he adjusted her small self in his arms.

He wanted to completely envelop her in the nest of his arms and legs and _protect_ her from everything that dared to threaten her existence. The place she'd learned to call home, that she just sidled so perfectly into, was the safest place in the universe.

The small fire crackled and popped and the warmth emanating off of it found its way to his fingers, thawing away their frozen state. He could even feel it warming his toes through the thick boots that encased his feet. It felt _divine._

He took a deep breath, taking in every bit of the added warmth then lowered his lips to the front part of her hair, just before the red strands disappeared beneath the blanket and whispered into it.

"C'mon baby girl - I know you're there. Come back to me Ellie... _please."_

Still nothing, only silence. Not a peep escaped her lips.

"God - goddammit," he mumbled into her hair as he clenched his eyes shut, failing to hold back the tears that dripped onto her scalp.

The wind unleashed another violent gust. It howled and whistled through the small holes of the shack. It reminded him of how _alone_ he was, how alone _they_ were. No one, not a soul was close enough to help him. It was just him, his unconscious little girl lying in his arms that he prayed would wake up, and the cruel environment up in the Sierras that seemed hellbent on ending everything before they reached California. They were _so_ close.

He peeled aside a flap of the blanket, slightly exposing her neck so he could wiggle his hand inside. He pressed two fingers against her neck and checked her pulse.

It was slow. _Horrifically_ slow. It seemed slower, even less lively than before and it caused him to cringe and grit his teeth as he began to weep.

He gave her another kiss on the forehead before pulling her face back into his chest and began gently rocking back and forth, tears running down his cheeks then falling onto her hair and scalp.

"Come on Ellie - please baby - _please,_ " he pleaded through his quiet, almost _deadened_ crying, as if this were the only thing that could cause him any pain whatsoever.

And at this point, it was.

But again, nothing. No response. He simply looked back down to see both of her eyes shut, her lips still haunting him with their blueish-purple color.

"Don't do this to me again. Please don't do this to me again - don't do _this_ to me again - please don't do this," he growled as he continued to rock her, tears dripping from his eyes.

He looked upwards and gazed into the dark winter sky through the holes of the barely functional roof above. He clenched his throat and pressed his molars together in anger until they were about to crack from the pressure.

"I hate you," he quietly sneered through trembling lips.

He wasn't sure who he was cursing, some benevolent being, or _himself._

"I hate you," he growled again as more tears trickled into his beard.

"I. _Hate._ You."

The curse shot from his tongue like a reptile snatching a gnat out of the air.

He pulled her up, gently cradled the back of her head and buried her face into his neck as he let out a pained sob.

"Oh _fuck,_ " he cried out in agony.

"Please baby girl - please - come on now. C'mon Ellie, come back to me. Please... _please,_ " he pleaded, his lips mere centimeters from her earlobe.

He was falling to pieces. He was crumbling to dust. He was spiraling down a bottomless pit as his world and the one thing he held dear slowly slipped through his fingers. With a cheek still pressed against the side of her head, he blindly reached for his pistol and quietly placed it on the ground next to his waist, dreadfully waiting for the moment in which he wouldn't feel the next beat of her heart.

With angst-ridden hesitation, he lifted a shaking hand and pressed two fingers once again into her neck. He counted each second that went by and prayed with every fiber in his being that he would feel the next tick of her pulse.

 _One._

 _Two._

 _Three._

 _Four._

 _Five._

 _Six..._

 _...Seven..._

 _Thump-thump._

He took a deep, chest quivering breath of relief and let loose another sob.

"I love you Ellie. I love you too much to lose you baby girl - you've gotta come back to me, I know you're there. C'mon honey. I. _Love._ _You,_ " he cooed into her ear.

Then, suddenly, he felt a light tickle against his neck. It was the touch of her eyelashes fluttering open and brushing across his skin.

His eyes popped open, they widened to an enormous size and he gasped before hearing a pained and muffled little voice from the crook of his neck.

"J-Joel..." she softly mumbled, the call of his name barely able to escape her pitiful, yet endearing and heart-melting pout.

"Oh fuck - oh god!" he exclaimed through a massive gulp.

He scrambled to cradle the back of her head and pull her face away from his neck so he could see her.

There she was, her eyes wide open as those big greenish-blues stared back at him, watering with tears and screaming for him to nurture, protect and _love_ her as his own like he always had. She _needed_ him now more than ever.

"Oh Christ - Ellie - my baby," he spouted as he pecked her forehead and cheeks with kisses.

"J - Joel - " she paused and let loose a small, airy cough before giving way to a whimpered cry.

Tears rolled down her freckled cheeks.

"Ssshhhh - I know baby, I know - it's okay, I'm here, I'm here. You're safe - I gotcha," he soothed.

He clutched her even closer, holding her as tight and snug as he could. He wanted her to be as warm and safe as he'd _ever_ made her feel.

She looked up at him and saw the pain behind his eyes, the tears running down his cheeks. Small patches of snowflakes were stuck to his bushy eyebrows and his beard. The wrinkles in his face looked cavernous, more enhanced like deep canyons carved into a landscape. He looked tired, worn out and utterly _exhausted_ from the weight of the world. From the weight of _everything._ She noticed he was in a t-shirt. She didn't even have to ask. She already knew where his flannel was, wrapped around her. He, his face, was the first thing she saw when waking. She didn't wake up _alone_.

Instead, she awoke in her favorite place and already felt the tickle of butterflies in her stomach from being coddled and wrapped up in his shirts, the blanket and _his_ arms. _God_ she loved it there. There wasn't anywhere else in that moment she would rather be.

Their eyes met and he nearly _melted_ into a puddle despite the freezing ambient temperature. Seeing her tiny self, engulfed by the blanket to the point that only her head and face peeked through, staring back at him with those eyes that glistened with tears, somehow reminded him of holding Sarah for the first time in the delivery room. The adorable sight _crushed_ him. But in a way that was _good._ So _good_ he couldn't even find the words to express it. His heart, that no more than year ago was dead and practically rotten to the core, was bursting at the seams like a laundry bag stuffed with far too many items of clothing that were spilling out of its open end.

But of course, her body still hungered for sustenance. She awoke feeling just as she did upon passing out, _starving,_ and she needed any amount of energy she could get her hands on.

"Joel - " she tried again, her voice tired and pained.

He reached his free arm over and gently cupped her cheek with a palm, softly wiping away a tear from her face.

"Yeah, I'm here honey - I'm here," he cooed, gazing into her eyes.

If only he could siphon her suffering and put it all on himself. He _absolutely_ would if he could.

"I - I'm hungry I need to eat... p - please," she softly said, again looking up at him with an endearing, little pout.

"Shh, shh - 'course sweetie, I gotcha. I'm gonna take care of you, I promise."

 _Take care of you._ Those words managed to gradually pull her lips up into the smallest of smiles. No one had ever taken care of her. No one except for him and she loved every second of it.

With his free hand he fumbled around the inside of his pack, until feeling the cold touch of a plastic wrapper. Earlier in Reno, he found a few Twinkies lying on the floor in an old convenience store. He planned on surprising her with them, but now was as good of a time as any. He bit the edge of the wrapper and peeled it open with his teeth then showed it to her with a smile.

"Check it out," he said with a sniffle.

"Oh, hell... hell yeah," she softly said with a slow blink of the eyes.

Her smile widened, though the happy exclamation came out soft and almost pained as she hardly had the energy to put forth much excitement.

"Gimme," she quietly continued.

In the corner of his eye, he could see the blanket slightly shift as her fingers grasped at the air underneath the thing. The adorable little motion brought a small smile to his lips.

"I know, I know - I gotcha sweetheart. Here ya go," he soothed as he gradually lowered the yellow, nuclear pastry to her lips.

She barely lifted her head, clamped her teeth down on its edge and took a large bite.

"Oh my god - dis shit ish sho good," she mumbled with a mouthful followed by a satisfied exhale.

"Woah, easy, easy - c'mon now, you're gonna make yourself sick - small bites okay?"

"Uh-huh, okay," she said with a nod after swallowing, her smile slightly widening even more in reaction to how much he _really_ did seem to care.

He didn't expect her to cooperate so easily with the request, but in this moment of pure vulnerability, it shouldn't have come as a surprise.

"Here - actually... let's do this," he said as he tore off a small piece of the pastry.

He lowered the small bit of food towards her lips and watched as she nibbled on it. Again, he ripped off another small piece and continued to feed her as such for minutes, letting her take as long as she needed so as not to upset her stomach.

"There ya go - take your time. We ain't in _any_ hurry," he soothed as he gently rubbed her cheek with a thumb and looked down at her adoringly.

"Joel - " she started, still chewing on her latest bite.

Her voice was slowly returning to its full and usual state.

"Hmm?"

"Aren't you cold?"

"Nah - I'm alright. Got my little Ellie-bug here keepin' me warm," he said with a smile.

She smiled again in reaction to the new term of endearment.

"Ellie-bug?" she asked.

"Tssht - yeah I dunno... just sorta came to me."

She unhitched a small chuckle through her eating.

"Here - c'mon now, open up - last bite sweet pea, here you go," he continued, presenting her with the last, small bite of food.

She hungrily bit down on it and smiled as she ate.

"Well... I like it," she said after swallowing.

"Noted," he replied.

Already she could feel the cold, clammy sweat drying off of her skin. The sugar from the pastry was refueling her just as she needed and the shaky, weak feeling in her limbs dissipated.

"Man, okay - "

"Feelin' better?" he asked.

"Yeah - holy shit. You have no fucking idea."

He heaved a sigh of relief and snickered to himself. Hearing that sailor's mouth of hers only reassured him that she really had crawled her way back to the land of the living.

"Thank god. Ellie... baby I thought I'd - "

"Shh. I know," she interrupted, adjusting herself in the blanket and the nest of his limbs.

"But you didn't," she continued.

He lowered his head and kissed the bridge of her nose.

"Nope, no I didn't... holy hell," he said, nonchalantly sliding the pistol he placed at his side behind him so she wouldn't see it.

"My little Ellie warm enough?" he then asked with care, brushing aside a bang of her hair.

She smiled and for a second he actually thought she was blushing.

"You kidding me? _Here?_ " she asked, her grin growing as she gently wiggled underneath the blanket and in his enveloping arms, trying to snuggle up against him even closer.

She felt so small, so protected, so safe, _so_ warm, cared for and loved. She felt as if she could stay there for the rest of eternity, out of harms reach from the horrors of the world.

" _Perfectly_ warm," she simply said.

She turned her head, barely wiggling it free from the smothering blanket and saw the cold and wet socks lying next to the fire to dry.

"You even changed my socks for me! Awww - you big sap!" she exclaimed with a smile, her voice getting even fuller and more lively by the second.

"Tssht - the hell kinda dad you think I am? I ain't some amateur over here missy - sheesh," he retorted with a smile and a roll of the eyes.

She looked back up at him and waited for that pesky eye roll of his to complete so she could meet them with hers. Finally, they met once more and she cleared her throat.

"Thank you," she said.

"For what?" he asked.

"For... for _everything_."

And without a hint of hesitation, a pause or a stutter, he responded.

"You too sweetheart, you too."

He cleared his throat then pinched her nose, because he just had to do it.

She let out a guffaw as she tried to wiggle it free of the gentle pinch.

"Hey! I'm all trapped and wrapped up here... no way to defend myself and you go pinching my nose again? Pssht - so not fair."

"Told ya - reckon it's just gotta be pinched sometimes," he responded with a laugh.

A short silence fell between them as they listened to the howling wind outside, flurries of snow pelting the walls of the shack-like outpost.

"Sooo... where the hell are we?" she asked, breaking the silence.

"Well we made it to the pass - found this piece of work here to hide in for the night," he responded with a glance of the eyes towards their surroundings.

"You sure know how to find 'em - but it works for me," she said before closing her eyes and letting out a happy sigh and nuzzling into his shirt.

"Joel," she peeped, the call of his name muffled by his t-shirt.

"Yep."

"Are we almost there? Please say yes."

He snickered.

"Yes darlin' - yes we are."

And thank god he wasn't lying. They really were.

She simply smiled in response and took a deep breath, the blanket rising and falling as her little frame expanded from the filing of her lungs.

"Joel," another muffled peep caught his ears.

 _God_ he loved hearing that short, quick and little curiosity-ridden call of his name. He loved every part of it. He even chuckled to himself upon realizing how happy it made him, when it usually annoyed him to no end. It generally meant she was in one of _those_ moods. Those moods that meant boredom and that she was ready to utilize him as some source of entertainment.

"Ye - yes," he responded through his light snickering.

"What if when we get there, the people, they... like, you know - see my arm? What're we gonna do?"

He heaved a sigh and flapped his lips together as the shot of air rippled through them. She raised a valid point, one he had yet to think of.

"That's a damn good question."

"Should we just... tell them?"

He cleared his throat once again.

"No, I don't think that's a good idea. Lemme think on that one for awhile."

"Well, I've got an idea," she said.

"Alright, go on then, I'm all ears."

"I mean if you just kinda glance at it... it sorta looks like a scar from a really bad burn... or something, you know?" she said as she wiggled her arm out from under the blanket.

"Huh - yeah I guess it kinda does," he said with a slow nod of approval, gently holding it and inspecting the scar that was responsible for bringing them together.

"What if we just put a bandage over it to cover it up and say I... I dunno, just burned my arm badly... or some shit like that?" she continued.

"You know - that's actually a good idea. Reckon that'll do just fine."

"Cool! Sooo... done. It's decided then. I burned my arm on something - that's what it'll be."

"Works for me. But uhh... you keep wearin' those long sleeves of yours though alright?"

"Well duh - I'm so used them anyway it'd be fucking weird if I wore anything else outside and around other people."

"I know - just makin' sure," he said with a smile as he leaned down and gave her another kiss on the cheek.

"Okay... one last thing, I swear - I know you're tired," she said with a small giggle.

"Tssht - you can talk as _much_ as you want - trust me there kiddo."

He wasn't lying. He would never take that little voice of hers for granted ever again, no matter how annoyed he was with her in the current moment.

"Can I... sleep here? Just like this? Is that okay?" she sheepishly asked, turning her head to look up at him with another endearing, almost embarrassed expression.

"Of _course_ you can - I ain't goin' anywhere, I'll be right here - promise."

"Aaaannnd... you'll still... you know, hold me... right?" she timidly pressed on, all puppy eyed like and whatnot.

He snickered and couldn't help but feel the massive dimples form in his cheeks.

"Ain't gonna do anything else. I'm here for _you,_ always," he assured her with a smile, again lightly brushing her cheek with a thumb.

"Well in that case I'm just gonna... umm... you know - get comfy here," she said with a happy grin as she snuggled and wriggled under the blanket, pressing herself closer into him. She couldn't get close enough.

"You just go on an' make yourself at home."

 _Home._ That triggered another wave of butterflies tickling their way through her stomach.

"Already have dude!" she blurted out.

"Tssht... cute," he replied with a snicker.

A massive smile of her own stretched across her lips and she nuzzled into his shirt once more, unleashing another big, happy sigh. And before long, he heard that familiar, delicate little whistle that escaped her nose when she slept. He kissed her once more good night and tightened his embrace around her.

His lips lingered against her forehead and he closed his eyes then whispered.

"I ain't ever losin' you. It's gonna be alright sweet pea. I'll be right here, with you - always - an' I'm gettin' you there safe an' sound, no matter what. I _promise._ "

"Sleep tight baby girl. I love you _so_ much."


	19. Welcome to Napa

**AN: Alright, really moving along here.**

 **FreedomPhantom: I 100% respect and appreciate your input, beliefs and opinion. You have been a loyal reader and reviewer since day one and you have no idea how much that means to me, you are too kind. Thank you, sir. Really. You've been awesome. But unfortunately, I don't think I will do something such as that, for a few reasons. The biggest one being I already have the remaining chapters planned out in my head and it's simply now just a matter of fleshing them out. Secondly, I was born and raised 100% agnostic. Therefore, I have no real knowledge of The Bible or any holy scripture for that matter and I wouldn't do it the proper justice if I were to incorporate something like that in this story. Moreover, I might end up unintentionally offending people in ways that I don't mean to.**

 **I know what I know. But I'm also never afraid to admit what I _don't_ know. And religion is definitely one of those things.**

 **Plus, if you remember at the end of the Pittsburgh chapter, Sam poses a semi-loaded question to Ellie about the possible existence of heaven/god and her response is basically that she doesn't really believe it, as much as she'd like to. So I think Druckmann and the creators touched on it at that one point then left it alone. They were clever to leave it semi-open ended and left to the interpretation of the player. Like they did for many aspects of Joel and Ellie's characters during the game. Therefore, because of that, I have accepted that as my own personal canon and have thought of Ellie's point of view on religion much like my own actually. She doesn't necessarily believe or disbelieve in it one way or the other, but she doesn't outright deny or refuse to believe in the existence of a higher power either. I really don't mean to offend anyone here with this note, just explaining my view and responding to a reader who I've appreciated very much during the writing of my stories. I probably should've said less, but it's too late - the writing's on the screen now. I'm sorry if I offended anyone, for that really wasn't my intention.**

 **Anyway, here's the next chapter. Hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

Upon reaching the warmer climate, the snow that previously surrounded them in the Sierras was no more. Ever since that first realization, that the icy and miserable stuff would be a thing of the past, she couldn't stop smiling. She'd been grinning like a fool for so long, the dimples in her cheeks seemed as if they'd been permanently engraved into her face. But that smile, that wonderful, bright and delightful smile, made him realize that all of their journey, everything they endured, was one hundred percent worth it. She was _still_ smiling and as far as he was concerned, the thing had yet to fade from her lips since leaving behind the last sight of had an extra bounce in her step. Seeing those pearly-whites of her teeth shine through the beaming smile she displayed to the world while happily trotting along made each of Joel's steps lighter as well. The sun was shining, the ambient temperature a balmy sixty degrees and not a flake of snow was in sight. They finally made it to California and were only a few miles from the outer reaches of Napa.

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! We're here, we'ere here, we're here! We're fucking here! We fucking did it Joel!" she exclaimed with glee as she pivoted sideways and skipped along beside him.

Oh how did he love seeing her like this. Though he was never one to display an abundance of excitement, he'd be a damn liar if he said his every nerve didn't tickle with joy seeing his little girl like this. _This_ reaction was exactly what he'd hoped for when he first put forward the idea of trekking to the golden state.

"That's - that's right there missy. We sure as hell did," he responded with a smirk and chuckle.

He felt all too proud of himself. _Pride_ , that was a rare feeling for him over the course of the past twenty-odd years. Only she was able to induce it, and now with increasing frequency during their time together.

"It's so fucking nice here! I mean - do you see this!?" she continued as she glanced around at their surroundings.

They were encased by rolling hills, trees, some that had lost their leaves and others that hadn't, and vegetation of all kinds. Massive, sprawling plots of land that used to be vineyards could be seen in every direction. The highway, like in everywhere else they'd been, was covered in a thick layer of weeds, grass and shrubs, the varied plant life growing wildly in uncontrolled fashion. However, there was a pair of indents in the shrubbery, extending straight as far as the eye could see.

"You think these are tire tracks?" she asked.

"Reckon they must be."

"From the people in... wait - shit, I forgot the name of the town. Where're we going again?" she asked, her voice maintaining its happy and delighted tone.

He unhitched a thumb from a strap of his backpack and pointed to a large, wooden sign off in the distance. The bright, yellow letters that sprawled across its surface were big enough to be read from a distance.

"Well, take a look. Go on then, you always do the honors," he said with a smile of his own.

Her eyes lit up and she knew it meant they'd reached their final destination. The skips in her step ceased as she stopped and turned to face forward, peering ahead to read aloud the sign and announce their arrival. Like she did in every town they ever entered during their journey.

"Welcome to this world famous wine growing region. Napa Valley... oh! Right! Napa! Hell yeah! Here we are fuckers!" she proudly announced, resuming her light, happy and bouncy steps.

"Yes ma'am - we made it kiddo," he said as he affectionately ran a hand through her hair.

Before he could drop it back to his side, she instinctively reached up and grabbed the callused thing, intertwining his fingers with hers. She darted him a smile and let loose a happy sigh. They really did make it. For so long, the entire idea of reaching their destination seemed like a fallacy, a fantastical dream that would never actually come to fruition.

 _God_ he loved seeing her like this. And she loved _being_ like this. After all the pain and torturous travel, they finally had a chance at a fresh start and an opportunity to be _happy,_ attached at the hip at every moment. Of course, neither would have it any other way.

"Man, can you believe this?" she continued, her eyes gleefully tumbling around in their sockets as the greenish-blues took in their surroundings.

"Believe what?" he asked, tracing the path of her eyes with his.

"I mean - it's like, what... the beginning of January? And it's not even that cold! How fucking awesome is that?"

He snickered.

"Yep, that's uhh... that's a big chunk of California for ya."

"We won't have to see snow ever again... right? Right Joel!?" she asked, the idea of a snow-less existence causing the excitement behind her voice to increase.

"Reckon that'll be the case around here - ain't gonna get cold enough to do that."

She let loose a laugh of relief. A laugh one gives when in utter disbelief and simply has no words to articulate their thoughts.

"That's... that's _so_ fucking cool," she said with an exhale.

Despite the levity of the current moment, he knew they hadn't yet reached whatever survivor compound existed within the city limits of Napa. And as usual, his paranoia and constant, nagging worrying scratched and clawed at the back of his mind.

"Yes, yes it is. But c'mon now - keep your eyes peeled. We ain't found exactly what we're lookin' for yet - just... stay focused alright?"

She let out a guffaw.

"But Joel! Can't I just be excited about something this _one_ time?" she said with an antagonizing, flippant groan.

"Of - of course sweetheart," he said with a light laugh. "An' nothin' makes me happier seein' you like this but I... let's just be careful okay? We've gotten this far - don't wanna get lazy an'... you know... when we're _this_ damn close."

"Uggh - I know. Fine," she said with reluctance as she swung his arm to and fro in frustration.

"'Member what we decided on what happened to your arm?"

"I burned it."

"That's right. An' when do you wear short sleeves?"

"I know, I know - only in the house and _only_ around you," she said with an eye roll.

"Gooooood job," he said with a smile, rubbing her hand with his thumb.

Part of him felt a weird sense of joy knowing he was the only person who would be treated with her true self, unrestrained and lovable inadequacies and all.

"And when do _you_ get to leave me all alone and by myself?" she asked with a playful leer.

"Tssht - uhh... whenever the hell I want?"

Her jaw dropped and a shiver ran up her spine. Just the thought itself twisted her insides into a knot. She _hated_ it.

Seeing the expression that quickly engulfed her face hurt more than any bullet or knife could and he cringed. He knew he should've yanked the words back into his mouth before they slipped through his lips.

"Ohhhh c'mon now - I know, I know - I'm just playin' sweet pea. The correct answer is _never,_ " he assured as he pulled her against him, tucking her under his armpit.

Her smile returned.

"Gooooood job... ass," she said, mocking his earlier tone.

Suddenly, they heard the rumbling of an engine not far off in the distance. They hadn't heard anything of the sort since Jackson and right away their sharply tuned senses refocused. Their pupils dilated and he instinctively reached for his pistol as she stepped behind him.

"Who the - what the hell is that?" she asked in angst.

"I dunno - stay back baby - stay back," he paternally said, gently placing a hand on her as guided her behind him, pushing her completely into the guise of his larger frame.

His overprotective ways always boiled to the surface when there was even the smallest of threats to his little girl.

Both of them gulped as their nerves tingled with anticipation and of course, as always, _fear._ They used to think they would've become immune to fear. But in reality it was paranoia and fear that kept them alive.

It was a white pickup truck hoisted up on a set of large mud tires, barreling down the road towards them. The hood was covered in dust, dried mud and marred by years of sun damage, the paint faded to the point one could hardly make out its original color. Bullet holes, scratches and dents covered its surface. The entire thing looked like it had seen better days, but a functioning vehicle of any kind in this time was invaluable.

He squinted and tried to see into the cab of the truck, noticing only the driver inside.

"Joel - what do we do?" she frantically asked.

"Shh just hang on - we're okay," he said over his shoulder.

In any other circumstance, he would tell her to pull the lever back on the rifle, steady the barrel, peer down the scope and send a well-placed round through the windshield to kill whoever sat behind it. But this time, something just felt different. For they were about to embark on the next chapter of their lives. A chapter that they hoped involved them living happily and somewhat carefree. Instead of acting rash, they stood on the side of the road in angst, motionless, and stared at the oncoming vehicle with their hands firmly gripped around their firearms.

"Joel!" she spat in a worried, hushed tone.

"I know, I know - just wait."

She could see his hand that gripped the handle of his pistol shaking ever so slightly. Knowing he was nervous made her nervous. She took a deep breath to calm her nerves.

"Okay - whatever - what you say goes," she hesitantly replied.

The truck came to a stop, a thick cloud of dust settling on the ground around it. They took another deep breath and watched a man, who appeared to be in his late thirties, step out of the cab. He wore dark blue jeans with a pair of brown boots and had dark, brown hair. He wore a gray, tattered, long sleeve shirt, the flimsy fabric appeared as old as he was. The hair on his face looked as if it hadn't seen a razor in months, but aside from his relatively untidy appearance, he was rather clean.

She tightened her grip around the rifle and gulped, watching the veins in Joel's wrist rise under his skin as he tightened the grip around his firearm as well.

The man cautiously took a step forward, one hand raised in front of him in a gesture of peace and the other resting just above the holster of his pistol.

Joel and Ellie collectively cleared their throats. Little beads of nervous sweat began to percolate on their brows.

"You two looking for something?" the man spoke as he took another slow and cautious step towards them.

His voice was deep, much like Joel's. But unlike him, it lacked a thick southern accent.

"Stop. Don't come any closer," Joel instinctively spat.

He obeyed and stopped dead in his tracks, his hand immediately moving to the handle of his pistol that sat in the holster by his hip.

"I'm not gonna hurt you... unless you give me a reason to - don't worry," the man warily said.

Joel heard Ellie gulp and felt her shift as she shuffled closer into him. She reached up her free hand and latched onto the back of his shirt then peered around the side of his torso.

"What the fuck's this guy's problem?" she whispered.

"We're okay, we're okay - we got this," he whispered back.

He wiped his brow and took a deep breath.

"We're uhh... headed into Napa. Heard there's a group of survivors - that's all," he said.

A small smile formed across the man's lips and his posture seemed to relax ever so slightly.

"You heard right, there is," he replied with a nod from across the road.

Joel let loose a frustrated grunt in reaction to the cryptic response and shifted his weight.

"Look buddy we don't mean any trouble, I swear. We're just - " he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"We've come a long _damn_ way to get here an' this is... this is our last stop. Hell, we hope so anyway," he continued.

The man relaxed even more, moved away the hovering hand above his pistol then crossed both arms. He leaned against the hood of the truck and fired a spitball into the ground before replying.

"Where you coming from?"

Joel looked down at Ellie, both of them shrugging as if to convey a sense of ambivalence towards the question. This was their last stop, their last hope and chance at a somewhat normal life, now wasn't the time put up a facade.

"Wyoming," they both responded in unison.

The man's eyes widened.

"Jesus - you weren't kidding when you said far."

"No sir," Joel said.

"You ain't a Hunter or a damn Bandit - fuckers don't keep kids around. And you came _all_ this way... with her?" the man asked, shock and awe filling his voice.

Ellie snorted and fidgeted at the pointed question. A question that implied she was weak and merely a burden or something that had to be carted around, like she was just _cargo._

"More like I came all this way with _him,_ " she wittingly spat back.

The austere response evoked a small chuckle from both Joel and the strange man. The awkward, shared laugh seemed to ease the tension between them just slightly and Joel began to relax. Which in turn, caused her to relax too.

She forced a smile and light laugh as well.

"Alright then. Either of you sick or - "

" _No_. We're just fine," Joel sternly said, interrupting the man before he could even finish.

And thank god he put an end to that right then and there. But the question churned Ellie's stomach regardless, reminding her of the scar on her arm.

"We haven't seen a single survivor - let alone two - in almost a year, aside from Hunters and the occasional Bandit raid. So you must understand my skepticism, yes?" the man asked.

Both Joel and Ellie nodded in response.

"No need to apologize - reckon I'd feel the same way," Joel said, gradually bringing both hands into the air in a display of peace.

And that right there, that response which indicated a common way of thinking, seemed to form a metaphysical bond between the two men. They looked at each other and let loose another snicker, both of them knowing _exactly_ what the other was thinking.

Ellie let the barrel of the rifle dip towards the ground and took a slow, deep breath of relief.

The man reached for his pistol. The act immediately pulled Joel's hands back down as he reached behind into the waistband of his jeans for his as well. Ellie followed suit and right away returned the rifle barrel to its previous pointed position.

"Woah, woah, woah! Easy... _easy._ I'm just gonna set it on the hood here okay?" the man frantically said, his voice taking a calm turn as he gradually did exactly as he said.

The pistol clanked against the hood of the truck and the man raised both hands in the air. Joel gritted his teeth and sneered at him in reaction to the sudden movement.

"I'm not gonna hurt you... I'm not. Gonna. Hurt. You. I swear. _Easy."_

Joel and Ellie relaxed once again, feeling the knot in their stomachs formed by the sudden shot of adrenaline loosen. Finally, he uncorked a half-amused grunt and wiped his brow once more.

"Sorry - instinct," he said.

"No need to apologize - reckon I'd feel the same way," the man said in a joking and lighthearted tone with a smile, mocking Joel's accent as he laid on a thick southern one of his own.

Ellie snorted and chuckled to herself. Somehow, even in this tense moment, she found the man's response funny.

"The hell you on about back there?" Joel quietly and humorously asked, though he knew exactly what it was.

"Hey uhh... that was pretty good man! You nailed it! He _totally_ fucking sounds like that!" she shouted in a friendly attempt to bond.

"Why thank you miss. Now just give me a second, I gotta radio back and let 'em know. Lare isn't a big fan of surprises and unannounced guests," the man responded as he turned around.

He walked to the driver side door and reached across the seat, unveiling a handheld two way radio as he made his way back to the front of the truck. He leaned against the hood once again and spoke into the device.

"Lare. It's Craig - come in."

An awkward moment of silence fell between the three of them as they anxiously waited to hear a voice blare through the speaker. Ellie stepped out from behind Joel and sidled up against him, resting her head against his torso and clasping both arms around his waist, plastering her little self to his side as she looked up at him.

"Joel," she peeped.

That look, that endearing little look never failed to tug on his heart. No one was hurting her, not a soul was going to harm a hair on that auburn colored head of hers. He protectively wrapped an arm around her then began gently rubbing her back.

"C'mere - we're fine baby, we're okay - I gotcha," he softly said as he returned her vulnerable gaze with his own.

A small smile stretched across her lips. He really did always know what she needed. _Always._

Finally, after what felt like an eternity of them waiting to discover their fate, a voice crackled from the radio.

"Yep, Lare here. Over."

Craig shot a friendly smile towards them and brought the radio to his mouth once again.

"Hey got a couple of survivors out here. Over."

"Survivors? As in more than one?" Lare's voice boomed from the radio.

"Yessir. A man in his... oh, I'd say late forties and a uhh... a little girl. Over."

"Holy shit. They clean?"

All three of them sensed the shock, disbelief and amazement in the voice of this man named Lare that blared from the radio, each of his words slightly muffled by static.

Craig stared at the two of them before responding. Ellie fidgeted and bit her lip, uncomfortable from the man's gaze that she just knew was trying to decipher the _truth._ Were they really clean? Each second that went by in which he didn't respond made her more and more anxious and worst of all, _guilty_. Guilty at the thought that she would be the reason they would be turned away or worse. Guilty at the thought that she just might _ruin_ everything and rob her, and most of all him, of a chance at happiness.

Craig cleared his throat then smiled before bringing the radio to his lips to finally respond.

"Yeah, they're good. I don't see anything growing off of 'em. Over."

A sharp, dissonant series of static ridden crackles poured from the radio, Lare's excited response only barely audible over the noise.

"Holy hell! Well load 'em up, bring 'em on back!"

As one, Joel and Ellie each unleashed a massive smile. After all this time, all the travel, violence, pain and moments that forced them to barely cling to life, they finally made it. To be welcomed with even semi-open arms was a shocking relief, but they were ready to take any drop of human kindness.

Her shoulders perked up as she stood snugly against him and let out one of her trademark, little noises of excitement. And that sound, good lord did he ever _love_ that adorable, precious sound.

"We - we did it baby girl. We actually made it," he said with an airy, almost exasperated tone and a massive grin as he looked down at her.

"Hell yeah we did!" she retorted, meeting his eyes with hers.

Craig tossed the radio back into the truck and made his way over to them. He reached out a hand to introduce himself.

"If you didn't already gather - name's Craig - nice to meet you two."

Joel cleared his throat, then firmly, but not too firmly, shook Craig's hand. Like he tried to teach Ellie, the initial handshake between two people was always the most important first impression. Too limp and you're a coward and a pushover. Too firm and you're arrogant, bossy, a douche bag, and exude a paper-thin, false sense of confidence. But he always got it _exactly_ right, every time.

"Likewise Craig, I'm Joel," he said, keeping his gaze trained on Craig's eyes.

Ellie, with one arm still firmly wrapped around Joel's torso, raised a small hand to shake the man's outstretched one.

Joel watched the benign, harmless act with a strange sense of anxiety. He was about to witness another man, another human being initiate physical contact with _his_ little girl for the first time since leaving Jackson. Even something as innocuous as a handshake caused his heart rate to rise ever so slightly. He gulped and watched their hands meet, unable to push away the knot forming in his gut. The sight of another person laying even a finger on her made him sick to his stomach.

"Hi, I'm uhh... I'm Ellie," she said as she firmly shook his hand in an act of confidence, but her voice betrayed her.

Anyone aside from Joel, especially strangers, made her uneasy.

Craig smiled.

"Firm grip - he's taught you well. It's nice to meet you too," he said.

"Well c'mon then, hop in and I'll take us into town," he continued as he made his way towards the truck.

Ellie unhitched herself from Joel's side and grabbed his hand as they followed Craig.

"I _felt_ and saw that by the way," she said with a sly smirk, referring to the angst that poured out of him while she shook Craig's hand.

"Tssht - yeah, yeah I knew you would... just - I dunno, I get goddamn nervous seein' anyone else 'sides me gettin' too close to my little Ellie," he replied.

In response, she tightened the grip around his hand and looked up at him with a smile. Getting him to admit something such as that, even a few months ago, would've been impossible. Moreover, the familiar tickle she got in her stomach when taking a second to realize how _protected_ she was in his presence only made the smile that much more genuine.

"I know," she simply said.

Craig hopped into the driver seat and waited for the two of them to join him inside.

"Go on kiddo," Joel said after opening the door to the rear part of the cab as he motioned for her to jump inside.

She obliged and slid across the seat, hoping for him to follow. But he didn't. Instead, he was already midway through the act of shutting the door before joining Craig in the front.

She gulped, lurched forward and frantically called his name.

"Joel!?"

He paused and saw that _look._ It was that same look she gave him over a year ago the first time they arrived in Jackson, before they temporarily parted ways so she could eat with Maria.

"Right - old habit I reckon. I'm comin' - I'm comin'," he said reassuringly as he climbed into the rear seat.

Immediately, she scooted up against him and wrapped both hands around his arm. In this foreign moment of contact with strangers and sitting in the backseat of a vehicle again, she couldn't get close enough.

He dropped his head down and kissed her hair, _feeling_ the tension leave her body as she wiggled her way closer.

"We made it Joel," she softly said with a small smile and happy sigh, her head planted against his lower bicep.

"Yes we did baby girl - _goddammit_ yes we did."

Craig looked up into the rear view mirror and arched an eyebrow, confused as to why Joel didn't join him up front.

"Uhhh Joel there's a lot more space up here if you - "

"I'm fine. Really. Thank you though," he interrupted.

Craig shrugged and turned the ignition, the ensuing rumble of the engine a long forgotten sound for the two of them.

"Alright, suit yourself."

* * *

They pulled up to a gated entrance to what they assumed was the compound. Lining both sides of the road, leading to the entrance, were dilapidated buildings, most of which were brick and crumbling apart in more than place. The sight wasn't anything new, as every town they'd seen so far at least had _that_ in common. The remnants of civilization and reminders that before the outbreak, humanity was thriving in a way that Ellie could only imagine and Joel could only faintly remember.

He peered through the rear, driver side window and noticed two towers standing at both ends of the large, metal gate. Both were manned with a guard, each with a rifle in hand, the lookouts staring at the oncoming vehicle in amazement. He could see the look and shock on their faces as they came to a stop and waited for the gate to screech its way open. He took a deep breath and affectionately rubbed Ellie's shoulder.

"Craig - when did you say y'all last found survivors?" he asked.

"Uhh one sec there Joel... hey! Open up!" Craig shouted as he leaned his head out of the window and motioned the guards to open the gate.

"You bringing back what I think you got there Craig!?" one of them shouted from above.

Craig laughed and smiled.

"You'll just have to wait and see there son!" he shouted back.

He cleared his throat and looked up into the rear view mirror to see Ellie sitting snugly up against Joel.

"Sorry - umm, well... it's been at least a year - been so long it's hard to remember. We were starting to think we'd never see one again to be honest. Glad we were wrong," he said with a smile as he drove the truck through the entrance.

Ellie leaned to the side and looked through the window, only to see a crowd of people quickly gathering around the truck. She could already sense the mob's collective eagerness to meet Craig's latest find. She took a deep breath then gulped.

"Holy shit," she said in an awestruck, quiet hush.

Her eyes were big, bug-eyed and round.

"Joel - look," she said, her gaze never breaking from the sight as she instinctively reached behind her for his hand and intertwined their fingers.

"I - I know. Reckon we ain't seen this many people in a long time," he said with a light chuckle.

She spun her head back around and looked up at him with that _same_ look. She didn't have to say a word, her eyes spoke louder than any words could. He had a PhD. in reading her body language and sensing the underlying emotions that hummed beneath the surface of her outer shell.

He kissed her on the forehead and pulled her close.

"We're okay - you're fine. I ain't goin' anywhere sweet pea - I'm right here, nothin' to worry about," he soothed.

"Yeah." She took another deep breath. "Okay - yeah, we got this," she said with a nod.

They watched Craig nonchalantly hop out of the truck after turning off the engine then speak to a smaller group of people who emerged from the crowd. The two of them couldn't make out the short conversation, but felt their nerves tingling with angst, excitement and even fear.

Craig reached back and opened the door to the rear part of the cab, thus exposing the two of them to the piercing stare of the crowd.

Joel flinched and gulped.

"Jesus," he quietly said in awe.

"Yeah no shit," she immediately followed.

It was as if they were being presented like a pair of extraordinary scientific discoveries. As they slowly stepped out of the truck, the collective stare from the crowd bared down on them and for a second clouded their minds, the two socially damaged individuals unable to formulate a coherent thought or even mutter a first word of introduction. Dozens of people surrounded them in a semi-circle. The large crowd stood behind a smaller group of three, who appeared to be the leaders of what was to become their new haven.

Again, she snuggled up against him, wiggling into the safe spot underneath his arm and plastering herself to his side as she wrapped both of hers around his waist.

"Joel, I don't fucking like this," she whispered.

"I know, I know - I don't either, but we're okay, I promise," he whispered back as he gently planted a hand on her upper back, protectively holding her against him.

There was only one place she felt safer and would've rather been, and that was picked up in his arms and being held, resting in his embrace in some manner. But in this instant, feeling his branch-like arm draped down her back as she stuck to his side sufficed.

Craig rested both hands on his hips and spoke to the oldest man of the smaller group of three that stood no more than fifteen feet away.

"See Lare? Told you," he said.

"I see that, but you're scaring the shit out of 'em - Christ - look. Poor things probably haven't seen a friendly - let alone another damn person - in ages."

Joel spoke up.

"Right - " he felt his voice quaver, then cleared his throat.

"Right about that one," he said with a smirk, trying to suppress the overwhelming nervousness that was consuming him and his little girl.

The older man wiped his brow then approached them, hand extended and all to introduce himself.

"I'm sorry, I know this must be overwhelming but please, relax - it's okay. We're just as happy to see you as you are to be here. I'm Larry - but most people just call me Lare - my wife and I uhh... sorta run the place," he said, eagerly waiting for Joel to shake his hand.

Joel obliged and gave him a firm handshake. The old man had graying hair and numerous wrinkles across his cheeks and brow. His eyes were a deep brown, encased by dark rings around their lids. Like Joel, he looked tired, worn down and exhausted from the weight of everything he'd experienced leading up to this very moment.

"Name's Joel - this here's Ellie."

"Ellie, Joel - good to meet you two."

"Uhh yeah, likewise," Ellie replied with a timid smile, still tightly holding onto her _purpose_ and the only thing that brought her comfort.

Sensing her uneasiness and obvious desire to remain attached to Joel's side, Lare didn't reach for a handshake. Normally, her feisty self would've perceived the action as a slight, as if the man deemed her undeserving of his respect. Though this time, she didn't care. It meant staying wrapped around Joel, which was preferable in this moment of sensory and social overload. And most of all, it made _him_ more comfortable and at ease. She of course did it more for him, not her.

They exchanged quick glances, as if they both knew what the other was thinking.

Lare ran a hand through his hair and took a step back before scanning the crowd around them.

"Well go on everyone, get back to it. Quit staring at 'em like they're animals at a damn petting zoo - shoo," he said, waving the crowd away.

A series of quiet, inaudible mumbles emitted from the mob as it dispersed, leaving only Craig, Lare, his wife and son.

Joel snickered and felt a deep exhale of relief leave Ellie's chest.

"Thank fucking god," she muttered under her breath.

"Tssht - you're tellin' me kiddo," he quietly replied.

Craig and the two others approached them.

"This is my wife Kristina - most just call her Kris and this is my son Derek," Lare said.

Kris looked to be about Lare's age and had dirty blond hair, the roots of it beginning gray like his. She had green eyes, a color similar to Ellie's, but with less of a blueish tinge. Like Lare, her face was wrinkled and worn. Each scar, wrinkle and visible symptom of stress had its own story to tell. Stories of experiences that engraved marks into her that would last forever. That concept itself, was beginning to seem like a prerequisite for existing in the current state of the world. For it was bound to punish every living creature in one way or another. It was merely a side effect of _surviving,_ knowing that the world would always leave lasting evidence of its cruelty.

Like them, their hospitable hosts certainly weren't unscathed and had their own tales of barely clinging to life.

"Hi, it's great to meet you two. You have no idea how big of a relief it is to finally get some new survivors," the woman said with a smile.

She seemed genuinely pleased to see them and they had no reason to doubt her.

"Yeah, well, we're umm... super psyched to be here," Ellie responded, but with a hint of sarcasm.

The idea of strangers acting kindly and genuine was utterly foreign. Putting up an aloof facade was a natural defense mechanism she'd learned to use long ago. It kept her from getting hurt.

" _Ellie_..." Joel said as he glowered at her, not amused with her tone.

With both arms still wrapped around his torso, she looked up and gave him a cheeky grin.

"What! I'm serious! We are, right!?"

He shook his head and snorted.

"Pssht - yeah, that's right. We sure are."

Kris let out a light laugh, not bothered by the little girl's harmless tweak.

"Good deal - well again, this is our son, Derek."

"Hey there - it's a pleasure," the young man said with a wave.

He looked to be in his late twenties and had dark hair and green eyes. He had his mother's eyes, that was certain.

"And you've already met Craig here," Lare said.

"Yessir," Joel responded.

"Yeah it was nice meeting you two - gotta check on one of the towers up north before heading home for the night," Craig said as he hopped back into the truck.

"Likewise son - take care."

Ellie giggled to herself. She always found it amusing when Joel called any man younger than himself _son._ Even if the man in question was in his late twenties, going on thirty like Craig.

"Sorry about the rude uhh... you know - welcoming. Like we've said - haven't seen survivors in over a year. People get all excited and shit when they get word of newcomers arriving," Lare continued.

"You two look tired, hungry and in need of a shower, am I right?" Kris asked.

The two of them looked at each other and smiled, knowing they both probably stunk to no end but also that the other didn't care. However, just the _thought_ of warm water and a fresh cooked meal that wasn't out of a can was divine.

"Reckon Ellie here can always eat," he said with a smirk as he pat her on the head.

"Hell yeah I can dude!" she proudly exclaimed.

Kris and Lare let out a light laugh.

"Alright well, c'mon - walk with us. We'll find you a place to stay for tonight. Then tomorrow we'll set you up with a spot of your own. Derek, mind carrying their packs for 'em?" Kris asked of her son.

Derek obeyed and helped them slide off their packs. They stretched their arms and shoulders and let out groans of relief as the things plopped onto the ground.

"Oh my _fucking_ god that feels amazing. I can't remember the last time I walked around without that stupid thing," Ellie said in relief.

"I can only imagine," Kris replied.

Just as Joel took a step forward, he felt a gentle tug on his hand. It was a familiar tug, a tug from the little hand that he'd become so accustomed to constantly feeling in his palm. He immediately stopped and turned around, only to see Ellie gazing up at him with a forced - or possibly genuine, he didn't know nor care - pout. As if she knew exactly how to pluck, pull and play the strings of his heart.

And oh how did she. She was a musician masterfully strumming the strings of a guitar when it came to getting his heart to twist and turn in whatever way she desired.

But he'd be lying if he said he didn't _love_ that adorable little face she made in those moments. The bulge of her lower lip, the puppy-eyed look in those greenish-blues and the knowledge that she was looking straight through every inch of him and his tough outer shell always tore away any sliver of resistance he put forward. Not that there was ever much. She learned long ago how to revert and strip away all of it.

He cupped her cheek with a palm and mocked her pout with one of his own.

"What is it? What's got my little munchkin all upset?" he asked playfully.

Kris, Lare and Derek all ceased their gaits and watched the endearing interaction.

She stretched both arms up, reached as high as she could and rested both hands on his shoulders, maintaining that _crushing_ pout all the while as she looked up at him.

"Well you... don't have your pack on anymore so I... so I thought, you know... " she diffidently spoke.

His fake pout immediately shifted into a smirk and he chuckled. Was she actually _blushing?_ She never needed to be embarrassed or ashamed for any request of affection or care from him.

"Piggyback ride? Reckon I knew that."

She couldn't help it and like him, her frown inverted into a big, goofy smile.

"Duh! Now gimme!" she said boisterously as she grasped at the air around his shoulders with her fingers, the rugged yet fragile and delicate things just waiting to latch onto him in some way.

"I know, I know - hang on."

He turned around and waited for the light-as-a-feather feeling of her small frame leaping onto and climbing his back, knowing she would make herself at home and attach to him as if she was some sort of unnatural growth that protruded off of his shoulders.

"Ready dude!?"

"Ready as I'll ever be - now get your skinny little butt up there. I'm the one who's hungry this time dammit," he said lightheartedly.

She leaped onto his back, wrapped both legs around his waist and clutched both arms around his neck and shoulders.

"Wow, that's... a rare sight these days," Lare said.

The affectionate sight was perplexing. It seemed as if a morsel of humanity and human compassion leaked into the future from the past, from before the world broke into shattered bits.

"You good?" he asked over his shoulder to his little girl that was now propped up on his back.

"I'm good," she softly replied.

After planting a soft peck to his shoulder, she closed both eyes, rested the side of her head on an arm that was draped over his shoulder and nuzzled into his neck. She smiled and gave way to a happy, delightful little sigh. Being able to give into her inner child and desire to experience being _cared_ for was something she cherished. She never had such a thing before meeting him, and knew he didn't care when it came to indulging her requests.

"Alright, we're uhh... reckon we're good to go now - sorry 'bout that," he said to their hosts.

He sported a massive, ridiculous looking grin that made no attempt to hide the truth. He wasn't sorry one bit, not in the slightest. He'd come to love having her up there as much as she did.

"That's - that's alright," Lare said with a laugh.

"So we're the first you've found in over a year huh?" Joel asked as they began to make their way down the road.

"Yep - things have been looking a bit grim. I mean, more so than normal," Kris replied.

"How so?" he asked, already hearing the light whistle from Ellie's nose as she began to nap on his back.

 _God_ he loved hearing that soft, delicate sound, especially _that_ close to his ear. It meant she was happily asleep, safe and sound in what she, and him, considered the safest place in the entire town, country, world, solar system, galaxy and _universe._ The one place she called home.

"Well, we don't have to deal with much Infected these days - cleared most of 'em out but we still get Bandit raids from the north," Lare said.

Suddenly, the memory of fighting off the raid in Jackson, the one that nearly took his life, entered his mind. The vivid image of standing atop the guard tower, pointing out the stars and constellations with Ellie before hearing the roar of a truck engine and gunfire, danced across his mind.

He cleared his throat and wiped his brow.

"How often?" he asked.

"Oh... I wanna say once every few months? More often than we'd like," Lare responded.

"Jesus," he said with a deep exhale.

Ellie tenderly shifted her head and muttered a series of incoherent babbles, his name trickling through her lips practically every other word.

"Is she... is she asleep?" Kris asked with a shy smile, admiring the sight of the two of them.

He snickered.

"Yeah she uhh... she does that sometimes."

"She seems to really like it up there doesn't she?"

"Tssht - you got no idea."

He couldn't keep his smile down. The giant, stupid looking thing forced its way across his lips. Not that he cared anymore, he accepted long ago how happy _his_ little girl made him. She revived him. She brought him back to _life._

"Cute - haven't seen a kid her age in... years," Kris continued.

"Well, she's one of a kind I can tell you that," he replied with a smirk.

Kris and Lare laughed, but knew it was true. There was something about the little girl that just seemed _unique._

"How old is she?"

"Fifteen," Joel promptly responded.

"Seriously? She's tiny and looks like she's - I dunno, ten? Eleven?" Lare rhetorically asked with a boisterous laugh.

Joel forced a friendly chuckle through his waning smile and reached a hand up to tenderly rub one of Ellie's. He didn't need any additional reminders of how painfully deprived of all things _good_ she had been as a young child. Reminders that made him feel _guilty_ for not being there sooner for her.

"Yeah. Girl's tough as nails though - fought like hell to get here. I'll tell you that."

It was all he could say, finishing with a sigh before quickly changing the subject.

"Anyway - reckon you said from the North?"

"Uhh yeah, that's right - this place has two entrances. The one you came through - the southern end - and then the northern end a few miles up," Lare explained.

"You got _two_ ways to get in here?" he asked, baffled by the notion.

It went against everything he learned and knew about surviving. And it went against everything he taught Ellie. One entrance meant only one way for uninvited guests to come through, removing the element of surprise.

Lare rolled his eyes and snickered. The old man had heard the same reaction many times before.

"Everyone says the same damn thing, but I think about it this way."

Lare slid both hands into his pockets and mindlessly kicked a rock along the road with a foot.

"There're two entrances, sure, but that also means there're two exits. You get me? You've got a better chance to escape and get the hell outta here if you need to."

Joel made a face, not one of surprise or confusion, but more of one in reaction to an unexpected realization.

"Reckon I never thought about it that way actually - I guess I see what you're sayin' - sure."

Lare smiled.

"Besides, we have people on guard duty at both ends twenty-four-seven. We all take shifts around here - I'm sure you will do the same at one point."

"When was the last raid?" Joel asked.

"Couple months ago - due for another one any time now. They're like the earthquakes around here in California. They're always gonna come, you just don't know exactly when or how bad," Kris immediately replied.

"Great," he said with a sigh and a roll of the eyes.

"I know. It's just the reality we live in," Kris said.

"Ain't that the truth."

"So, Craig said you came from Wyoming? Has it always just been you and your daughter on... you know - on your trek all the way out here?" she asked.

He paused and turned his head to look over his shoulder, hoping to get even the slightest glimpse of the little redhead that he could just _feel_ was at peace and happily napping atop him. A small, dainty little hand of hers dangled beneath his chin and he gently rubbed it once more as his smile returned. She was kept him going. She was what he _fought_ for. She was his _purpose._

And if it weren't for his _purpose,_ they never would've made it.

He glanced back at Kris, his eyes beaming with a look that only _his_ little Ellie could evoke, then laconically responded.

"Yes ma'am."

"Well, welcome to Napa," Lare and Kris said in unison.


	20. Things That Never, Ever Change

**AN: This got long, not sure what got into me. I actually really enjoyed writing this one, especially the last part.**

 **Maxthx: Why thank you so much! You are too kind and I am tickled to know you've enjoyed my stories thus far. I also really appreciate the compliment on my writing style and quality, as I feel it has certainly evolved and dramatically improved since I wrote my first story (that one is very, very raw and unrefined). I always strive to improve and be better. To answer your question, umm... it really depends on a few things. One being how deep the "creative buffer" that rages in my brain is when it comes to creating a chapter. Usually, the content flows pretty naturally as I get going, so that's rarely the limiting factor. But most of all, it's really just about how much free time I have. There were periods in the summer, especially during my second story, where work was very, very slow, and I actually wrote _at_ work (shhh, don' tell). Also, you'll notice the length of chapters have increased with each story, this story having the longest ones of all - like this chapter here. That can make things take a while, so lately it's been about one chapter a week. That's about how long it takes me to churn one out these days. Although, not to give too much away, but umm... there may or may not be a serious influx of chapters this week... :)**

 **Anyways, cheers.**

* * *

Joel was in the kitchen of their new home, a one story bungalow within the confines of the Napa compound, preparing what had become a regularly scheduled early afternoon snack for Ellie. It was a small house, having only two bedrooms and a single bathroom, but was plenty big enough for the two of them. Save for the bedrooms, the entire floor of the house was covered in dark hardwood. Scratches and faded spots marred its once richly colored surface due to years of neglect. But just the knowledge that they were able to retreat to the soft and warm entrapment of a bed as opposed to a tattered sleeping bag, made them appreciate the place that much more.

And of course, unbeknownst to anyone besides themselves, Ellie had yet to sleep in her own room. The endearing act, like a toddler awaking from a nightmare and crawling into bed with its parent, became all too familiar and habitual for both of them. She really was embodying the little kid she never got to be. And oh how did she _love_ to do so, knowing he loved it just as much. Neither of them seemed to care, nor ever would. He would never, ever push her away or deny a moment of tender affection or care. That was something they both silently learned a long time ago. He knew she never _needed_ to be taken care of in the literal sense, more, she _needed_ it on an emotional level. She _wanted_ it. And so did he, it was one of many small things the tiny redhead did to melt away the ice that encased his heart.

She sat at the table with a palm supporting her chin, happily swinging her legs to and fro. Though he was only making toast and nothing more, to be eating food not from a tin can or a rancid and ancient plastic wrapper was a treat.

"Damn - that smells good," she said as she watched his every movement and waited for the food that would soon satisfy the beast which was her stomach.

Simply the aroma of burnt bread permeating from the toaster smelled good. It meant warm, not cold, food.

"Sure does - reckon it uhh... beats canned peaches - goddamn I'm sick of those things," he responded with a chuckle.

"Eh - I dunno, I didn't mind them that much."

"Tssht - yeah, 'cause you'll eat just about anything," he quipped, shooting her a playful smirk.

"Hell yeah dude!"

A clear reminder they were from different times, that was. For he, like everyone else before the outbreak, developed likes and dislikes and wouldn't eat something he had no desire to. Where as she, born in a cruel world that forced her to nearly starve every night and be horribly malnourished, consumed anything and everything she could get her hands on. There was no turning your nose up at any form sustenance, for food of any kind, sadly, was a treat and not a given.

Yet, here they were, brought together by the harshest of circumstances and completely intertwined with the other. They were _one._ A mutually co-dependent, whole organism that _required_ the existence of both to continue living. They weren't sure what to call it, fate, destiny, chance, karma, _luck,_ or perhaps, even _serendipity._ In a world that tortuously ripped everything away from them, it did just so happen to provide what they both were looking for the most.

 _Love,_ _attachment,_ a precious bond between parent and child, and most of all, _purpose_.

The toaster clicked, lifting the two slices of bread out of its depths.

"Alright - what you want kiddo? Butter? Jam?" he asked over his shoulder as he reached for a plate.

"Joel, are you fucking serious? C'mon, you know what I - "

"Jam?" he interrupted as he shot her another smirk induced glance.

"Duh! Sweeter the better!" she exclaimed, cocking her head with a cheeky grin.

"Done. Go on, eat up," he said as he set the plate down in front of her.

He pulled out the adjacent chair and sat down with a glass of water. Before his elbows had even reached the table, her mouth was already crammed full with a massive bite. He reached over and playfully messed with her hair.

"So, reckon it's been a little over a week - you adjusted yet?"

With another mouthful, she shrugged.

"I vunno - ish kinda - "

"Just - finish your damn food before talkin' - Christ," he said with a chuckle.

His smile and tone said he found the act amusing, even endearing, no matter how stern he attempted to sound.

"You ashed," she muttered with another shrug.

He sighed and simply waited for her to swallow the current bite.

" _Anyway_ \- what you think of our new home? You adjusted?"

"It's awesome," she said, returning his smile with hers. "But, I guess I'm adjusted. I mean, it's sorta weird not having to get up and just start walking - you know?"

"Oh I know. It's a strange feelin' gettin' up in the mornin' an' not havin' to worry 'bout all that crap."

"Kinda like when... you know - we first arrived in Jackson," she said, scrunching her face.

He sighed again as a collection of memories from their time in Jackson ran through his mind. Mental images of Tommy and Maria, and the guilty thought that he was ultimately responsible for causing their departure forced his smile to gradually wane.

"Yeah. A lot like that," he said as he tried to wipe away the tiredness from his eyes, which still plagued them even after a week of being off of the road.

Witnessing the morose expression suddenly fill his face, she poked him in the arm and widened her smile.

"But, this is our home now. Right?" she asked.

He looked up to meet her eyes, and seeing that wonderful smile, those adorably freckled cheeks and nose, her auburn hair and delicate little frame, immediately reignited the smile across his lips. He and _his_ little girl, her and _her_ father, somehow were granted another chance at a decent and normal life. They reached their destination, still intact and alive despite everything that attempted to say otherwise.

"Yeah. Yeah it sure is sweet pea," he said with a nod.

She ran the tip of a finger through the jam that sprawled across her last piece of toast then licked it.

"Mmm - man, this shit is so good. What do you think's in it?"

He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms.

"Well, it's probably just mashed up fruit, maybe some water to give it a little body then... I dunno - a bunch of sugar?"

Like in Jackson, the people in Napa grew all of their own food. Fruits, vegetables and grains, were all grown and maintained by the people in the compound. Of course, in a negative sense, it was nothing compared to what he was used to before the outbreak. But in a positive one, bountiful amounts of food such as this was also nothing compared to what she was used to.

She lightly chuckled.

"Sugar. That's the best fucking part."

"Pssht - yeah, until it makes my little Ellie bounce off the damn walls or get a tummy ache," he joked as he pinched her nose.

She let out a guffaw, wiggling free from the light grasp of his thumb and index finger.

"Oh what the hell ever! I don't do that!" she exclaimed, proudly lifting her chin and sticking out her chest.

"Oh really, that a fact?"

"Uh-huh," she said, taking her last bite.

"What about the time I made you hot chocolate an' you downed the whole damn thing in seconds, then spent the rest of the mornin' on the couch?" he replied wittingly.

She leered at him and adjusted her ponytail as she swallowed.

"Okay fine. I did it that _one_ time," she said with a sarcastic eye roll.

"So how do they make this stuff anyway?" she asked.

A sly grin appeared across his lips as he scratched the skin beneath his beard.

"I dunno - Google it," he laconically stated, unable to hold back the noticeable snicker behind his response.

Her head twitched, an eyebrow arched and her mouth slowly dropped agape.

"Wait - woah, woah, _woah_ , hang on, what? What the fuck did you just say? Goo - what?"

Unable to restrain himself any longer, he burst into laughter then rubbed his brow. That curiosity ridden and perplexed look that engulfed her face when confronted with something from the old world that she never heard of always humored him.

"What the hell is so - Goog - I don't get it - what the _fuck_ is that?"

His laughs turned into howls and it took a few seconds to calm himself. He took a deep breath, then attempted to liberate her from her curiosity.

"Alright, so - how do I explain this... uhh... you ever heard of the internet?" he asked, a few remaining chuckles escaping his lips as he finished.

"Umm... only like a few times from some of the soldiers back in Boston. But I didn't know what the hell they were talking about. I dunno, I always pictured like... a net - or something, hanging inside of a room when they said that."

He laughed again and shook his head.

"No - not innernet, _inter_ -net."

"Ohhhhhh - I always thought they were saying inner," she said, finishing with a laugh of her own.

"No, no, no - _internet_ \- anyway it's - "

Suddenly, a knock at the door echoed through the house, interrupting the lighthearted moment between them.

"Oh goddammit - now you're not gonna tell me," she groaned as she rolled her eyes.

He stood up, gently held her chin and gave her a peck on the forehead then looked into her eyes.

"'Nother time - 'sides, my little Ellie-bug's too cute when I got her all flustered an' curious about somethin'. Why don't you think on this one?" he said with a smirk.

She crossed both arms and leered at him then stuck out her tongue.

"Fine," she spat.

Another knock on the door, this time with more force, reverberated around the living room.

"I'm comin' dammit! Hold your horses!" he yelled as he strutted to the front door.

She spun around in her chair and gulped, gazing at the door in angst. The last time they heard a series of knocks like that meant trouble, and it ultimately lead to their exodus from Jackson.

He swung it open, only to see Lare and Kris standing on the porch. Both looked worn and tired from a full day of duties and work that pertained to leaders of a survivor compound.

"Oh, shit - uhh... hey Lare, everything alright?" he asked as he leaned against the door frame, his voice slightly quavering.

Like her, his insides were already twisting into a chaotic mess. For the last time they were interrupted like this, events spiraled out of control and ultimately doomed their time in Jackson.

Sensing the sudden the uneasiness behind his voice, Ellie rose from her chair and quickly jogged over to him, coming to a stop just behind him. She peered around his torso, from under his armpit and saw their two gracious hosts, who were entirely responsible for giving them a new home, standing before them.

But he was already nervous. Which in turn, always made her nervous. They were one.

"Sorry to barge in on you like this but uhh... no, not entirely," Lare said.

Joel took a deep breath, feeling his shirt get intertwined with Ellie's fingers as she stood behind him.

"There's a scouting post about three miles north of the compound. We all take turns - rotate each day on who takes it - ends up being about a... ohh... once every two week thing for all of us if everyone's able and sticks to the schedule," the man continued.

Joel grunted, sensing where this was going.

"We do it in twos - that's the rule. Always partner up for safety and well, I'm normally out there with Derek but today that's not gonna happen - he's helping Craig at the power station - damn generator blew or something."

Joel sighed and rubbed his face.

"An' I reckon you're askin' me to join you?" he asked with a deadpan glare.

Although, he couldn't be too upset. After all, these two people did take him and his little girl in and gave them a new home.

Lare awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck and nodded.

"Yeah - that's uhh... that's right. Figured this would be a good time to show you the reins."

Ellie perked up and happily smiled.

"Oh hell yeah! So we get to see more of this place!? Awesome. I'll go get my hoodie - hang on," she said just before spinning around to fetch her trusty red and black, plaid hoodie.

"Actually... that's... not gonna work," Lare hesitantly spoke in reaction to the little girl's excitement.

Her heart skipped a beat and she stopped dead in her tracks. A heavy, rock-like lump formed in her throat and she tried to gulp it away, already feeling the sting of tears behind her eyes. Her lips trembled and she turned back around, only to see Joel looking back at her with a pained expression of his own.

"Wha - I can't... I can't come too?" she diffidently asked.

"I - oh god..." Joel started, unsure of what to say as he returned his irritated gaze back to Lare.

"Look - I'll go, but she's comin' with us," he said as he pulled her under his arm and rubbed her back.

"I'm sorry but that's not gonna work - we don't allow kids out at the scouting posts - too much of a liability."

Both Ellie and Joel intensified their glare and the grip around each other.

"I am _not_ a fucking liability. I can handle myself thank you very much," she derided with a tone he hadn't heard from her in ages.

Lare let loose an uncomfortable snicker and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Yeah, I'm uhh... I'm sure you can. But this time, not gonna fly - sorry - just the rules around here," he said with a shake of the head.

She looked up at Joel, scared, nervous, anxious and all. Would they actually have to part? For even a brief amount of time?

That look, that same look from when they first arrived always sliced his heart wide open. Every part of him just wanted to pick her up and hold her, constantly cooing assurances that he would never, _ever,_ leave her. That he had her, that she would never end up alone like he always promised.

"Joel!" she softly peeped.

He gritted his teeth in ire, but knew he was in no position to retaliate given the circumstances. Life seemed to throw him and his little girl a sliver of good fortune, perhaps this was its first attempt in asking for something in return.

"How long?" he spat, his tone audibly expressing his growing vexation with their welcoming and _gracious_ hosts.

Ironic, the entire situation seemed to be.

Lare and Kris shot each other a pained glance.

"We'll uhh... we'll be back first thing tomorrow morning," Lare finally replied.

A small, barely audible noise emitted from Ellie as she pressed herself harder against Joel's torso. The muffled sound, like the worried and scared look that remained across her face tugged on his heart. It was strange, seconds ago she was her usual, feisty self. Exuding a confident aura the likes of which most adults didn't even have. But within seconds of realizing her rock, foundation, guardian and _purpose_ would have to leave her for the rest of the day, and most of all, night, her tough-as-nails outer shell came crumbling to the ground. It was the _only_ thing that had _that_ much power over her.

And him as well.

He gently pat her on the head and cleared his throat, then paused as he stared at the man.

"Look - I need your help on this one Joel. Besides, everyone's gotta put in their fair share, you understand that right?"

He ground his molars, to the point they were nearly cracking, then responded.

"Yeah - yeah I do. I ain't leavin' her alone though. Reckon you meet me halfway here or I ain't goin'," he sternly said as he rubbed her outside shoulder.

"I'll stay with her - I can do that," Kris spoke up with a friendly smile.

Ellie gulped and struggled to hold back her tears, only barely managing to do so.

Joel wiped a hand down his face and let loose a deep, frustrated exhale.

"Fine."

"Joel! No!" she yelped, tugging on his shirt.

He knelt down, so he was the one looking up, not her, and gently rubbed both of her hands with his thumbs. They looked each other and the eyes and her lips trembled once again as she let out a whimper.

"Shh - it's okay," he cooed.

"What!? No! No, it's not okay! What about... Michelle and... I don't - I don't fucking like this Joel!" she stammered, like that of a young child on the verge of throwing a temper tantrum.

Kris and Lare curiously arched an eyebrow. Seeing the once boisterous, confident little girl who they already knew was wise and mature beyond her years suddenly act in such a way was strange. It was a stark contrast from the first impression she bestowed upon them.

"C'mere sweet pea - c'mere honey," he said as he wrapped both arms around her small frame, tenderly pulling her head to his shoulder.

He kissed her on the cheek then softly spoke into her ear, the small thing half-hidden behind a drape of auburn hair.

"It's only gonna be for a bit - I'll talk to him while we're out there an' make sure you an' me can do this together from now on."

"But - "

"Shh, I know baby - it's gonna be just fine. These are good people, nothin' like Michelle or Sean an' it's just this _one_ time okay?" he said as he gently rubbed the back of her head.

Remembering that moment, when he found her on the ground, beaten within inches of her life from that wretched witch, sent a shiver down his spine. He held her tighter and gave her another kiss to the cheek.

"But, what if you don't... I mean - you _are_ coming back right?" she asked as a few tears finally escaped the entrapment of her eyelids.

He closed his eyes and took in her familiar scent, it had become the best smell in the universe. But she no longer smelled of dirt, dried sweat, encrusted Infected blood or grime, for they both were finally clean. Both of them joked about the amount of dirt and almost blackened soot that washed off of their skin after they each took their first shower in months when they arrived. The pungent reek of feet and the musky smell of body odor after days of not bathing no longer masked their clean and _natural_ scent.

" _Yes._ You know I'm comin' back baby girl - don't talk like that. It won't be for long - looks like this is just somethin' we gotta do."

He pulled her head away from his shoulder then gently cupped both of her cheeks, wiping away her tears with his thumbs in the process. Seeing the fright across her face, the despair in her glistening eyes quickly constructed a giant lump in his throat. He swallowed hard and tried to force it away. Splitting apart, even temporarily, was causing her visible _pain._

"We can do this alright? We need you to be strong here kiddo - you got this, okay?" he said as he gazed into her eyes.

She sniffled then nodded.

"Yeah, okay."

She took a deep breath and wiped her nose before letting both hands fall to his sleeves.

"Phew - okay, yeah, we got this."

"There's my girl," he said with a renewed smile.

"You better fucking come back though," she spat as her fingers mindlessly scrunched and twisted the fabric of his shirt between them.

"You _know_ I will. I love you so much baby - it's gonna be alright, I swear."

"I love you too pops," she mumbled, trying to force a tenuous smile like his.

He kissed her on the forehead then stood up and turned towards the two people who he _hated_ but also revered at the same time. He took a step towards Kris, clenched his teeth and cracked his knuckles out of frustration as his hands absentmindedly morphed into fists. Before he spoke he cleared his throat and his voice came out deep, intimidating and growl-like.

"You let even a hair on that head of hers come to harm... I swear - "

"Don't worry! Everything's gonna be fine - _relax._ It's not like I've never seen a damn kid before - Jesus Joel," Kris said lightheartedly with a nervous laugh, though she'd be lying if she said he didn't cause some goosebumps to rise on her skin.

The tension in his face waned and he simply nodded before strutting back inside to grab his things.

Ellie wiped her eyes, then crossed both arms as she stuck out her chest and stood high in the doorway.

"You better fucking bring him back in one piece. Or you're gonna have a much bigger fucking problem on your hands. _Seriously,_ " she barked, giving Lare an leering glower.

She wasn't lying. And somehow, both Kris and Lare knew she wasn't speaking in hyperbole.

"Yeah, yeah - don't you worry. Nothing's happened out there in months - it'll most likely just be another, boring ass run of the mill night," Lare responded.

"It better," she spat under her breath.

Joel reappeared in the doorway, his large arm and hand reaching around Ellie to give her one, last squeeze goodbye. He leaned down and kissed her hair then cleared his throat.

"Alright - let's get this over with."

* * *

Ellie plopped herself down on one end of the couch, anxiously watching each of Kris' movements as the woman closed the front door and thus trapping the two of them inside. She reached a hand behind and into a rear pocket to ensure her switchblade remained in her possession. It was still there and feeling the cold touch of its handle seemed to give her the slightest bit of comfort, but not nearly enough. Every nerve in her body tingled with apprehension and fear and she brought both legs into her chest, curling into a small ball as she slowly rocked back and forth on the cushion beneath her.

 _Deep breaths Ellie - you can do this - Joel said everything's gonna be fine._

She took a deep breath, closed her eyes for a mere a second and tried to calm herself.

Kris, already sensing the drastic shift in her demeanor and mood, cautiously moved towards the couch.

 _What the fuck is she doing? She better not get any clos -_

"So, umm... you two like your new home so far?" Kris asked as she gradually eased herself onto the couch, opposite Ellie.

"No! Don't!" she frantically spat, unable to restrain the fear, which had been scarred into her by Michelle, from bubbling to the surface.

Kris' eyes widened, startled by the sudden shout then immediately backed away.

"Woah - okay, easy... _easy._ "

"You... you sit over there - on that chair by the door!" Ellie commanded.

Kris simply nodded and continued to back away then sat on the chair as instructed. Seeing the little girl's austere persona come crashing down after the departure of Joel was odd, but not entirely surprising. It was strange to discover what _really_ lurked beneath the surface of her outer shell. The separation anxiety, the fear of abandonment and the feeling of being _naked,_ were all just waiting to burst through the cracks of her facade like a raging wildfire. All it took was a small spark, one teeny match, and the embers quickly evolved into a fiery blaze of dread.

Ellie rested her chin on her knees and stared at the woman who now sat comfortably far enough away and across the room from her.

 _Fuck this is gonna be a long night. What do I even say to her? Can I just sit here and pretend she's not there?_

"So, yeah... umm... you two enjoying the house?" Kris asked.

"Yeah, it's fine. Thanks," she tersely responded.

Another strenuous moment of silence fell between them, causing Kris to awkwardly glance around the room as she tried to avoid the piercing stare from the little girl on the couch.

"I've always liked these little bungalows - cozy," Kris said as she scanned the room and its features.

Ellie didn't respond, but finally let her gaze drop from the woman and shift downward to her twiddling thumbs.

Kris cleared her throat.

"You know - it's _okay_ \- I'm a friend."

 _Pssht - we'll see about that._

"Uh-huh, yep," Ellie laconically replied with a quick nod.

Kris sighed then relaxed into her chair, crossing both of her arms and legs.

"Sooo we're just gonna sit here? Like this, all afternoon and night?" the woman asked.

"I guess," Ellie spat back with a shrug, her eyes refusing to lift from the ground below.

Kris uncrossed her legs and leaned forward to rest both elbows on her knees. The sudden shift and sound of denim rubbing against denim startled Ellie and she jolted backwards, pressing her back against the couch as she gulped and stared at the woman. A sickening feeling filled her gut and her breathing immediately took a panicked turn.

"Woah - okay... J-Jesus - I'm not gonna - "

Kris paused as she sighed again, then wiped her face, hardly able to believe what she was witnessing.

"I'm _not_ gonna hurt you - what kind of people do you think we are?" she asked, her face taking on an utterly confused and perplexed expression.

"Sorry. Habit," Ellie said with a quick twitch of the head, as if to slightly shake it and acknowledge that her behavior was beyond extreme.

Her breathing gradually slowed and she returned her gaze to the floor.

 _Sorry? Why the fuck are you apologizing to her? God this blows... you're a fucking wreck without him Ellie. Uggghh! Is it morning yet!?_

The emotional scars and lifetime's worth of pain and sorrow were rearing their ugly head, inch by inch. The collateral damage of their journey that was her marred psyche was on full display for Kris to see. The woman could only imagine what horrors her and Joel must have faced. Kris rubbed her brow and gave way to a muffled grunt as she struggled to find a way to connect with the little girl.

"Look, I know it's hard adjusting at first. It always is for newcomers. I can only imagine what you two went through to get all the way here from Wyoming."

 _Tssht - Wyoming? Try Boston._

"But... you're _so_ much safer here than out on the road. And we're - "

Kris sighed again then bit her lower lip.

"We aren't going to hurt you - or your dad - he's gonna be just fine. He'll be back in the morning just like we said."

That got Ellie's attention. The mention of _him_ always did, and her rocking back and forth immediately ceased. Her eyes met Kris', the greenish-blue things crystallizing with leftover tears from before that had yet to escape, but so dearly wanted to.

Kris gave way to a small, friendly smile.

"Please, you... you've got to trust me, I'm a _friend_. Please?" she pleaded.

There was that word again, _trust._ Something as rare as that in the current state of the world was so unbelievably _precious._ It was the reason she clung to _him,_ the reason she became so attached and dependent on him. For the first time in her life, she discovered what it meant to be vulnerable around someone, to trust them with everything, including her own life, implicitly. _Trust_ was something to be treasured. And only he was granted the gift of hers, no one else.

A few months ago in Twin Falls, a stranger, Katelyn, proved to be trustworthy. Was she lucky enough to meet two in a row that deserved the same treatment? Was this woman, who she barely knew, also trustworthy? It all seemed too good to be true in a world that consistently punished those who were overly optimistic.

 _Just... fucking talk to her. Otherwise you're gonna be even more miserable this whole time. Maybe it'll make this go by faster?_

"It's just... it's weird being away from him - you know?" she softly peeped as she scrunched her face, her eyes still not lifting from the hardwood floor.

Kris' smile widened and she perked up as she leaned back into her chair. Finally getting the little girl to latch onto the fishing line that was her attempt at friendly connection was a relief.

"I can imagine. I bet," she said with a sympathetic frown and nod.

The little redhead looked terrified and appeared to be almost _vibrating_ from the small shakes that gripped her body. She was like a bird, away from its nest and family and petrified of her foreign surroundings.

Ellie sighed then wiped her eyes.

"Yeah, I... I fucking hate it," she said with a light, awkward laugh.

Kris chuckled as well.

"Yeah uhh... I can see that."

 _You probably look and sound insane or something - way to go dude._

"Tssht - yeah... guess I don't hide it very well," she said with another shrug.

She relaxed her posture and dropped both arms that were previously wrapped around her legs. After letting one foot drop the floor, she lifted the other onto the cushion, bending a knee in the process as she rested an elbow on it.

"Heh - it's okay - I won't tell," Kris said with a veiled smile and shrug of her own.

 _Hmph - maybe I can trust her._

"You know, it's not all _that_ strange. When Derek was little, he never wanted to be away from me. It's just the way it is sometimes," the woman continued.

"Hah - really?" Ellie asked as she began to lightly tap her fingers on her kneecap.

Somehow, making those first attempts at lighthearted conversation, eased her anxiety and tension, even if only slightly.

"Oh yeah - kid just... never left my side."

She wiggled and fidgeted in her spot, relaxing her posture even more and even gave way to the smallest of smiles.

"Huh - alright. Well, maybe I'm not a total fucking weirdo after all."

Kris laughed.

"Nah - far from it. I totally get it - really."

Another long and unpleasant silence filled the space between them. Simultaneously, they both cleared their throats to break the deafening silence.

"Soooo..." they said in unison.

The awkward moment brought on a shared, light laugh.

"This chair here is making my ass sore - is it okay if I join you on the couch?" Kris asked.

Ellie's smile waned, but her lips didn't form a frown nor did she jolt backwards in fright. Instead, she found the woman's blunt and tepid response amusing. If anything, she seemed okay with the idea, but nothing more and nothing less.

 _You're doing fine - she's okay - she's a friend, just like Joel said. She's different, we can trust her._

"Fine," she tersely said with another shrug, attempting to act aloof.

"Great, thank you kindly," Kris said as she rose to her feet.

"But you sit on that side," Ellie blurted out.

Kris smirked to herself, realizing the little girl hadn't entirely let her guard down. But she was making progress and accepted the moment as a subtle, morsel of a victory. She sat down on the cushion furthest from Ellie then leaned back, unleashing an exaggerated sigh of relief.

"Ahhh - that's way better."

Ellie snickered.

"Yeah - thing's pretty awesome - not gonna lie," she said, referring to the couch.

She bit her lip and nervously picked at her fingernails before speaking her mind.

 _Ugh - this really is gonna be a long night._

"How much longer?" she sharply asked.

Kris laughed again and ran a hand through her hair.

"Seriously? I mean... it's been like fifteen minutes at most since they left - I dunno," she responded.

Ellie dropped her head, squeezed both eyes shut and let out a pained groan.

"Uggghhhh - c'mon - this is taking way too long. Why won't morning just fucking get here!" she cried and whined.

"Because the earth hasn't rotated enough for that to happen yet?" Kris responded, playfully poking fun at her trepidation in a lighthearted manner.

Ellie made a face and leered at her as she rested the side of her head against a fist.

"Oh hah-hah... I know that."

"Sorry - couldn't resist. I'm a smart ass - it's why Lare and I get along so well."

"Joel is too sometimes," she said with a chuckle.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah - I swear he does it on purpose sometimes to like... you know - specifically annoy the shit out of me. I think he gets some sort of weird joy out of it... that fucker."

Even when describing moments in which she found him almost detestable and annoying, she couldn't keep the gigantic smile off of her lips. The thought of him, her purpose, protector and father, always brought her joy.

"Hah - I guess I can see that," Kris responded with a smile of her own.

The little girl was letting more and more of her guard down, thus making each passing second in her presence easier to endure.

Ellie sighed again and looked down at her fingers that were mindlessly picking at the fabric of the cushion beneath her.

"Hey, can I umm... ask a favor?"

Kris shrugged and nodded.

"Sure."

"Can we go down to the gate - first thing in the morning to meet them when they get here? Please?" Ellie asked.

"Yeah, we can do that. We'll head on down in the morning - no problem," Kris responded with a smile.

 _See? She's not so bad. At least she understands that seeing him ten minutes sooner is like the greatest fucking thing ever._

Ellie took a deep breath of relief, as if a massive weight was lifted from her chest, then returned the woman's smile with her own.

"Cool. Thanks."

"Hey, you wanna play a card game or something?" Kris asked.

"Uhhh... yeah sure - it'll make the time go by faster I guess."

"It will indeed."

"Alright, we've got a deck of cards in the kitchen I think, hang on," Ellie said as she rose to her feet and walked into the kitchen.

She opened a cabinet, only to find a few pots and pans.

 _Dammit, I know they're around here somewhere - just saw them the other day._

"So what're we gonna play!?" she shouted from the kitchen as she continued to peruse the cabinets.

"Umm... I dunno - have you ever played Go Fish!?"

Her mind paused and stopped paying attention to what she was doing in reaction to the suggestion. She remembered Joel mentioning those words, 'Go Fish,' at some point on their journey. But she was mid-motion of opening up the next cabinet. Suddenly, without even realizing what was happening, she accidentally bashed the knob of the thing against her head.

"Ow! Shit!" she shrieked.

Within seconds, Kris was already in the kitchen, looking worried as ever, Joel's _promise_ clawing at her mind.

"What the - are you okay!?"

"Aaaahhh - fuck. Yeah, yeah I'm okay - found the cards though," Ellie quietly said as she winced in pain, holding a hand against her forehead.

A bump and bruise were already beginning to form.

 _Way to go Ellie - you hurt yourself on a fucking cabinet knob. Congratu-fucking-lations._

"Here - lemme get you some ice," Kris said.

"No, it's okay, I'm fine, really," Ellie replied.

"You sure?"

"I said I'm fine!" she spat back.

Only Joel was allowed to get close enough to touch her and only he was allowed to take _care_ of her.

"Al - alright. Suit yourself."

With a deck of cards in hand, they made their way back to the couch and plopped themselves down. Both emitted tired, deep breaths as they let the comfy piece of furniture consume them.

"So, you gonna teach me this Go Fish thing or what?"

* * *

The moon stood high in the night sky. A brisk, cold evening air surrounded Joel and Lare as they sat in the watchtower that was stationed a few miles north of the compound. The sprawling Napa landscape stretched before them as far as the eye could see, but neither had yet to spot anything of note. Hours had gone by since they first arrived, and as Lare expected, they were uneventful at best. Boredom overcame them both and they now simply resorted to sitting on the rough, wooden floor with their backs against the thin, sheet-metal walls of the tower as they talked.

Lare sat with his legs lying flat, stretched out in front of him and crossed at the ankles. Joel sat across from him, knees bent upward with both elbows resting atop them. The two war-torn, constantly exhausted and weary men were engaging in some awkward form of rare male bonding.

"You still remember much about... you know, before all this?" Lare asked.

Joel sighed and lowered his head to scratch his brow with a thumbnail.

"Yeah - bits an' pieces I guess. You?" he responded as he rubbed the broken watch that still to this day, remained wrapped around his wrist.

Lare shook his head and snickered.

"Tssht - I wish. Getting old here - I'm lucky if I can remember what happened a year ago. I mean, I've got certain images and random things here and there that my brain seems to hold onto but - couldn't explain why to be honest."

"Reckon that's how it works don't it?" Joel rhetorically asked.

"What does?"

"Gettin' old."

Lare rolled his eyes and snorted.

"It sure is."

Another short period of silence, one of many during their hours atop the tower, fell between them as they simply looked up into the night sky and gazed at the stars. Once again, Lare was the one to break it.

"It's odd actually - when I think about what I've held onto, mentally, as time's gone on."

Joel didn't respond. Instead, he remained staring silently into the cloudless sky. His brain was elsewhere, specifically, Ellie, his little girl. She was all he could think about. Picturing the look on her face when he walked away from the house earlier that afternoon sent a chill down his spine. He felt horrible, dirty, _terrible_ , like an evil human being for leaving her behind when he knew just how badly she wanted him to stay by her side.

As did he.

 _Christ I hope she's doin' okay. Kris better be keepin' her company. Hang in there baby girl - we're almost through this._

"Joel? You hear me?" Lare asked, pulling him out of his thoughts.

"Huh? Oh, uhh - no, sorry - lost in my own damn head."

Lare smirked and chuckled, as if he knew exactly what the gruff Texan was _really_ thinking about. And the harmless, yet antagonizing light laugh seemed to display just how much the man saw through him.

He grunted and fidgeted, annoyed at himself for somehow letting his emotions slip through the cracks.

"Oh hell - don't get all pissy about it," Lare said.

Joel's gaze took an irritated turn as he glared at the man.

"Look, I know how it is - especially in this world - leaving your kids behind - but trust me, she's safe and doing just fine."

Joel snorted and shook his head, trying to convince himself that Lare's words were the _truest_ words he'd ever heard in his life.

"Yeah," he responded with a heavy sigh, it was all he could think to say.

"Anyway - you were sayin'?" he continued, eager to change the subject.

Though internally, he remained focused on the only thing he cared about.

"Oh, I was just saying how it's weird when I think about what I've held onto - you know, memory wise as time's passed."

"Yessir."

Lare adjusted his posture, crossed both arms then yawned before continuing.

"I'll _never_ forget my first car - shit like that. Or that great feeling of waking up on a Sunday morning with nothing to do but watch football - you know, little crap like that."

A small smiled formed across Joel's lips and he nodded, as he too fondly remembered Sunday mornings with Sarah and Tommy. Those mornings were the best and if there was anything from the old world he missed, it was that. He would wake up at around nine, make some coffee and pluck away at his guitar for awhile. He used to read the newspaper, but stopped because even back then, before the outbreak, news was just depressing and mostly full of bad instead of good. Sarah would always wake up an hour later, then he would cook her breakfast - pancakes or waffles usually - only for the two them to snuggle under a blanket on the couch and watch the first set of football games that day. Tommy showed up in the late morning sometimes, but only if the Cowboys were the early game at noon, otherwise he would arrive with his customary six pack of beer later in the afternoon. Those days, those memories, that's what he held onto.

 _Dearly._

He rubbed his eyes and heaved a sigh.

"Your first car huh?" he asked.

"Yep - was a uhh... an old Mustang - was my dad's before he gave it to me."

"What year?" Joel asked.

"Sixty-seven."

Joel nodded and snickered to himself, as if to give the man some sort of gesture of approval. He got so used to bonding with the little girl who became his daughter, that connecting with grown men his age felt strange, almost forced. But he tried anyway.

"Reckon that's a uhh... that's a good year."

"Sure was - for cars anyway. What about you, remember yours?"

Joel scratched his beard and stared at the floor as he dug through memories that had been buried and locked away for years to answer the harmless question.

"Yeah, was a sixty-seven Camaro. My dad, brother and I fixed one up," he finally responded, the image of his first car bringing an even bigger smile to his lips.

Lare shifted his posture, proud he was able to pull even a sliver of delight out of the gruff, closed off and large framed man that sat before him.

"Damn fine pieces of American machinery those were," he said.

"Hell yeah," Joel responded with an amused snort.

Even if the man was patronizing him, he couldn't tell, nor cared. He sighed again and brought both hands to his face. He wasn't masking his impatience to reunite with Ellie very well at all.

"Man, you gotta relax. She's just fine - I promise you. Tomorrow morning, once we get back, you'll see - everything will be okay."

 _If only you fuckin' knew what the hell we've been through._

"Reckon you better be tellin' me the goddamn truth here," he quipped as he let his hands fall from his face, unveiling a piercing stare at the old man that sat across from him.

He was joking, but only partially.

Lare snickered.

"Tssht - it is. I wouldn't lie to you - no reason to do so. Besides, she's gonna grow up eventually - you know that right?"

Joel's smile waned as a pained look washed across his face. Lare was of course correct, but what would that entail? He had no clue. He only knew that right now she needed him and he needed her. What would happen to him if she woke up one day with the realization that she _didn't_ need him anymore? Moreover, as he thought about what Anne bestowed upon them in terms of Ellie's condition back in Jackson, he began to wonder how much longer did she realistically have? The thought alone made him shiver in the cold, January, nighttime air.

"So how did y'all end up here?" he asked, once again eager to shift topics.

Lare let loose a deep exhale, as if the question dug at a wound that would be forever healing and never ever quite fully closed up.

"Well, Kris, Derek and I are originally from Los Angeles - and uhh... we were actually up here on vacation when the outbreak hit."

"So you just... stuck around?"

Lare shrugged.

"Yeah - figured it was best to be up here - out in the country than in one of the most highly populated cities in the damn world."

"Reckon you're right about that."

"Yep - was hard leaving everything we knew behind - just like that in the blink of an eye though."

Lare's eyes began to water and he let loose a sniffle, trying to be as sneaky and nonchalant about it as he could.

"Derek's not uhh... he's not our only son."

 _Ahh hell - this shit is just gonna make you think of Sarah dammit._

Joel cleared his throat and shifted his posture.

"Oh?" he asked.

"Yeah - had another... Kyle. Not a single day goes by where I don't think about what I could've done differently to save that boy's life - lost him the first night the outbreak hit Napa."

 _You're tellin' me old man - goddammit... Sarah... oh Christ._

Joel felt his eyes beginning to water, but he immediately wiped them and clenched his throat in an effort to stave them off. He wouldn't dare display a shred of weakness to a man he'd only known for a little over a week. But the thought of Sarah only brought on thoughts of Ellie. And dear god did he wish she was with him in this moment. He missed his little girl so dearly and only wished he could see that smile of hers once more before the night was over.

Lare's face seemed like stone, emotionless and void of life, despite the topic of his late son.

"Reckon it just uhh... eats you up inside don't it?" Joel asked, voice quavering and all.

Lare sighed, yet to break his stare from the moon.

"It sure as shit does. But, fuck - I dunno, you get numb to it. Kris and I... we've seen some shit since then and it just... you stop _feeling_ I guess. I dunno, I'm talking out of my ass at this point - must be tired."

Joel snorted. He was all too familiar with that concept, the concept of _dying_ on the inside. Going numb from so much agony, so much horror and torture that feeling anything aside from panic, fear and the raw, primitive need to survive was the only way he learned to keep on living for twenty years. Until, of course, fate brought him and that little, auburn haired sprite together. Slowly but surely, she resurrected him. She taught him what it was like to feel, to _love_ something like a child of your own once again. Now just thinking of that horrific night when he lost Sarah, or even a scenario in which he would lose Ellie, _crushed_ him. When a little over a year ago, he would've felt _nothing_.

He felt another lump form his throat. He ran a hand through his hair to draw attention to a different set of nerve endings and force the voice-cracking lump to fade.

"That's the only way you can keep on livin' - painful as hell at first but, you let it eat away at you - shit, you ain't gonna survive," he finally responded.

"You're goddamn right about that one," Lare said.

"Sometimes... I dunno... I feel guilty that it doesn't bother me much anymore, but what the hell can I do - is what it is," he continued.

"It's the only way to keep yourself from goin' insane," Joel said with a yawn of his own.

"No wonder you've made it this far - you know how to survive," Lare said with a nod of approval, as if to demonstrate an increasing level of respect between the two.

Joel simply smirked and snickered.

 _You got no idea._

"But I know accents, you're not originally from Wyoming are you?"

"Nah - Austin, Texas."

"Ah - no shit, had a buddy from college move down there. I heard it was nice."

"It was. Hot as hell in the summer though."

"So how the hell did you end up in Wyoming?"

Joel sighed again and dropped his gaze to the floor, his hands going limp as they draped over his knees.

"Long story, 'nother time."

Lare shrugged and ceased from prying, then laid down on the floor and rested his head on an arm that lay beneath it.

"Alright. Well, in that case, you mind if I get some shut eye? You'll be good by yourself for a while?"

Joel laughed to himself at the absurdity of the question, then responded with a nod.

"Tssht - yeah, I'll be just fine."

"Wake me up in a few hours, we can trade off and you get catch some Z's if you want."

"Nah - don't worry 'bout it. I ain't gonna sleep anyway."

And he didn't, not for a second. Not with Ellie, his _purpose_ and little girl so far away from his protective presence.

* * *

"C'mon, _c'mon!_ Doesn't this fucking thing go any faster?" Ellie asked while sitting in the front seat of the truck with Kris driving.

"Well, yeah - but I'm not gonna go barreling through here at ninety - sheesh."

 _Uggghhh - oh my god hurry up - come the fuck on._

She crossed her arms in frustration and angrily slammed her back against the seat.

"Fine."

It was only a mile to the north entrance of the compound, but Ellie insisted they drove instead of walked to get there quicker. At the first sight of morning sun, she was already poking, prodding and shoving Kris awake to hop in the truck and head the short mile north. She had yet to eat breakfast, but didn't care in the slightest. She couldn't eat right now even if she wanted to. For every nerve in her body tingled in anticipation and her stomach constantly twisted and turned, her nervous and anxious gut uncomfortably tickling with the sensation of butterflies. They couldn't get there soon enough. She couldn't get back to her _purpose_ quick enough. She couldn't return to her domain and favorite place soon enough and it was all she could think about.

 _Please be there - please be there - oh god please fucking be there. I'm coming Joel, I'm almost there._

"How much longer?" she frantically asked, her ponytail swaying to and fro and brushing against the headrest as she twitched her head around to face Kris.

"Umm - shit I dunno, we just got in here! My god - _relax_ \- it won't take long, I swear."

She blew a raspberry and tightly wrapped _his_ large, much-to-big flannel shirt, around herself, encasing her little frame within it. She put it on not long after he left and wore it throughout the night. Her delicate little hands and fingers remained tucked away and safely hidden within the confines of its sleeves as she tensely chewed on the ends.

"Oh my god this is taking forever - every second is like a fucking eternity!" she exclaimed with a groan, letting the drool covered tip of the sleeve fall into her lap.

Kris rolled her eyes and barely - only slightly - pressed her foot further down on the accelerator, pushing the truck to move at a hardly noticeable increased speed. But of course, the frantic, barely-able-to-contain-herself redhead that sat next to her, noticed.

"See - you can go faster," she said with an annoyed tone.

"Tssht - yeah, yeah - whatever kid," Kris replied.

Nanoseconds turned to milliseconds, which turned to seconds, then to minutes. She swore a single mile, much less a mile traveled in a vehicle, had never felt _so_ long and _painful._ But they were getting closer. She could sense it. It was as if she could actually _feel_ his presence growing nearer.

They rounded a corner and finally, she could see the gate off in the distance. The truck violently shook as its wheels rolled over a collection of potholes and broken asphalt. But the jarring motion didn't break her tunnel visioned gaze that pierced through the windshield and focused far ahead. She saw multiple figures standing by the entrance, one of which had a lumbering strut like Joel's. That walk, that slow, almost too-sure-of-himself, confident gait of his she could spot from a mile away.

 _Oh my god! That's him - that's him!_

"Hurry, hurry, hurry!" she spouted.

"We're almost there - holy shit kid, hold your damn horses."

Normally, she would've fired some witty response right back, but in this moment her brain was far too preoccupied to formulate even the smallest of retorts.

She scooted forward, until she was only sitting at the very edge of her seat. She already had two fingers firmly grasped around the door handle, ready to swing the thing open at any moment. The excitement, the angst and nervousness that poured out of her caused a leg to uncontrollably and lightly bounce up and down, rapidly tapping her heel against the floor mat beneath her foot. Like one does when eagerly awaiting to hear the _best_ piece of news they would hear in their lifetime.

She gulped and wiped her face in a feeble attempt to force away the tiredness and exhaustion that had her body begging for sleep. Of course, her gaze never once broke from the figures off in the distance that were getting larger and more defined as they approached.

"Almost there - hurry!" she frantically said, nearly biting her tongue the words left her lips so quickly.

She couldn't contain herself. She was on the verge of bursting at the seams and if she had to wait any longer she would shrivel up and die.

"C'mon, unlock the door, unlock the door - c'mon, c'mon - unlock it, unlock it," she pleaded, her fingers yet to leave the handle or her eyes break their stare through the window.

The frequency of the taps of her heel against the floor mat increased as the bounce in her leg intensified.

Kris did as asked, not wanting to upset the hysteric, little girl that was acting border-line insane.

She was ready to pounce out of her seat, just waiting to pull the door handle and burst free from the prison-like confines of the truck. The large, rumbling vehicle was all that separated them now and she was practically pressing herself into the door she was so excited to get out.

 _Nnnnnggghhh! So close! Come on!_

Finally, they completed the painfully long, one mile journey and the truck began to slow as Kris pressed down on the brake pedal. Before the thing could even come to a complete stop, Ellie was already scrambling out the door. Tumbling, tripping, stumbling, nearly falling out of the elevated vehicle as she scrambled to land on her feet.

She immediately quickened to a sprint. Dust, dirt and gravel flew into the air behind her as the soles of both shoes kicked into the ground with such force it nearly hurt the balls of her feet.

There he was. She saw him. Just as Kris said, he was fine. The nightmare that was the angst-ridden past sixteen hours was finally over.

"Joel!" she shouted at the top of her lungs, her tired, little body barely able to keep itself going.

That voice, _her_ voice, immediately pulled his head around and he jogged towards her, limp in his leg and all.

"Oh Christ - Ellie!" he shouted back.

The over-size flannel that draped over her small frame and hung to her knees fluttered in the wind, splaying out behind her like a cape as she ran. Her ponytail bounced with every step, the adorable motion bringing a smile to his face as he came to a stop with both arms extended, awaiting her arrival.

"Joel!" she shouted again, tears of joy beginning to form in both eyes.

She was a mere fifteen feet away.

"C'mere honey I gotcha!" he replied.

Then, _finally,_ to the relief of them both, she arrived. She dove into his torso and wrapped both arms around him, firmly planting the side of her head against his lower chest. She heaved a massive, happy sigh as an uncontrollable smile stretched across her lips, the dimples in her cheeks the size of canyons. There wasn't a single place in the universe she wanted to be in more.

He tightly encased her tiny self in his arms, wrapping her in his protective embrace, then lowered his head to kiss her hair. He squeezed her, almost to the point of hurting her, but not quite. He wanted to completely envelop her in the tree branches that were his arms and protect her from the world. He couldn't hold her close enough and emitted a deep, relaxing exhale upon feeling her small frame nestle into him.

"Hey baby girl - how's my little sweet pea?" he asked, brushing aside that usual, pesky lock of hair that dangled down her face.

She lifted her chin, pressed it against him and looked up into his eyes. She looked exhausted, her eyelids hardly able to keep themselves open. They were only peeled open to see him, to ensure that he really was still alive and made it through the night, that he didn't _leave_ her. Deep, dark circles lined the perimeter of her eyes, a clear symptom of stress and lack of sleep.

"B - better now," she peeped.

The excitement, the _relief,_ was so strong she could hardly string together a logical sentence.

Her eyeballs were glistening like a calm, glass-like surface over a body of water reflecting an early morning sunrise. Was she actually on the verge of _crying_ she was so happy to be back in his protective care?

He gently held both sides of her face and smiled, feeling her head go completely limp in the callused, but comforting, _safe_ touch of his palms.

"Ohhh honey... look at you - what the hell happened?"

Neither had noticed Kris and Lare standing nearby, staring at them with dumbfounded expressions. Kris cleared her throat and spoke up, drawing Joel's attention away from Ellie for the first time since they arrived at the gate.

"She didn't sleep for a second. I tried to get her to go to bed, but - girl wouldn't have it. She just sat on the couch all night looking at a picture or something."

He looked back down at her tired, adorable little face and gave way to a pout, as if to match the bulge of her lower lip. Of course she stayed awake all night. He sure did, why would he think she wouldn't have done the same?

"Oh baby - it's okay - I'm here now," he sympathetically cooed as he lowered his head once again to kiss the bridge of her nose.

"Joel - I'm... really, really... fucking... tired," she said, the words hardly able to dribble through her lips.

"Shh - I know sweetie, I know - we're gonna get you a nap, I promise."

She replanted the side of her head against his torso and closed her eyes as she took a deep, tension releasing exhale, feeling his arms wrap around her once more.

"Everything go okay?" he asked, turning his attention towards Kris as he absentmindedly rubbed Ellie's back.

"Yeah, pretty much. I mean, aside from not - "

Before he could even listen to the rest of her response, he looked back down to see Ellie gazing up at him, big, round eyes and all with both arms stretched up to his shoulders and her dainty little fingers grasping at the air.

"Up!" she said with a timid smile, though she knew he wouldn't dare say no.

The adorable exclamation emitted from her small frame with barely enough volume to demonstrate how _badly_ she wanted to be up _there,_ in her domain and the one place she learned to call home.

"Aww, you want up?"

"Uh-huh," she replied pitifully, almost pout-like, with a nod puppy eyes and all.

A massive smile simply stretched across his lips and for a second she thought she could see dimples of his own form beneath the scruff of his beard. And that... that was a rare sight to see.

"Alright - here we go sweetie - I gotcha," he said, his voice straining ever so slightly as he lifted her by the armpits.

He quickly reached an arm beneath her thighs to support her weight, like one coddles a small child, and planted the other up and across her back, gently holding the base of her head just beneath her ponytail. The familiar scent and touch of her hair reminded him that Lare was indeed correct, everything was just fine. She was alive, breathing and healthy, albeit exhausted.

"My little Ellie-bug," he said through clenched teeth as he gave her a peck on the cheek before closing his eyes and resting the side of his head against hers.

She heaved another, epic, happy sigh and nuzzled into the crook of his neck, stretching both arms around his shoulders to cling to him like he was all that mattered in the entire universe. She shifted and wiggled in his embrace, trying to nudge herself even tighter against him, any amount of space between them was too much.

"We're okay. I gotcha," he said as he gently stroked her cheek with the back of his knuckles.

Suddenly, something caused the affectionate motion to cease and he pulled his head back to get a better look at the side of her forehead, which rested on his shoulder.

"Wait - what the hell is this?" he said, his voice taking a stern and angry tone.

He stretched his fingers up, pulled aside her bangs even further and noticed the dark bruise on her forehead from the cabinet door.

Her eyes immediately popped open and she gulped, just _feeling_ the protective wrath building within him.

"Oh shit," she muttered under her breath.

He spun around and glowered at Kris, pulling Ellie's little frame tighter against him.

"You wanna fuckin' explain this!?" he shouted.

The sudden roar caused Kris and Lare to jolt backwards and their eyes to widen in fear. They hadn't seen a look like that in a man's face in years.

Ellie summoned whatever remaining energy she had left and began pounding a small fist against his shoulder as she lifted her head from it.

"No! Joel! Stop, stop! It's okay - it's okay!" she stammered.

"What?" he tersely asked, turning his head towards her.

The endearing sight of her cute, delicate and tired face floating just above him, inches from his while he held her in his arms somehow caused the anger to fade. Despite the bruise on her forehead and visible exhaustion, she appeared as healthy as she was when he left her. Besides, if something like _that_ really did happen, she would be squirming and squeaking in his arms, begging him to keep her away from this woman who was charged with keeping her company.

He gently brushed aside a lock of her hair and kissed the bruise.

"You sure?" he asked, gently rubbing her back with one hand and adjusting the other beneath her legs.

"Uh-huh - it's okay. I just bumped my head... really stupidly. I swear," she responded before burying her face back into the crook of his neck.

The tension which gripped the muscles in his neck and face dissipated and he heaved a heavy, slow sigh of relief.

"Alright. Sorry Kris... I - "

"It's fine - I understand. I was just about to mention it before you saw it actually," the woman responded, appearing to be slightly shaken by Joel's threatening bark.

"Yeah... anyways, thanks for keepin' her company."

"Yep - now go, go. You two look like you're about to collapse - go get some rest."

His attention immediately darted back to the little redhead propped up in his embrace, as if he couldn't wait to rid himself of everyone else around so he could purely tend to her needs.

"C'mon - let's get you a nap sweet pea, you need it huh?" he said with a pout.

He only felt the light rubbing of her cheek against the top of his shoulder as she nodded in response. She was already well on her way to falling asleep in his arms.

"Thanks again Joel - we'll get you two in the rotation like we talked about," Lare said as he slid both hands in his pockets.

"Sure thing," he responded with a nod before turning around to make his way back home.

Kris and Lare watched him carry Ellie off into the distance and waited until they were out of earshot to speak. Lare turned to his wife and cleared his throat.

"Well that explains a lot doesn't it?"

"Tssht - you're telling me - holy shit, poor kid didn't sleep for a second."

"Yep, neither did he."

* * *

Joel kicked the front door shut behind him, careful not to wake the tired, sleeping little sprite that was happily curled up in his arms with the smallest of smiles. He made his way to the couch and eased himself onto it, only to feel her suddenly shift.

"No, no - shh, shh - we're okay baby - we're fine, go back to sleep," he soothed as he held her tightly against him while making himself comfortable.

Her squirming ceased and a quiet, muffled peep escaped her lips as she nuzzled back into him.

He reached to the floor with one hand, fishing for the blanket that he spotted on the way in. Upon feeling its soft touch, he pulled it up and spread it over them, until just her head, the light-as-a-feather thing now resting on his chest, peaked through the top of it.

He kissed her hair and whispered into it.

 _I don't know what I would do if I lost you._

He felt her shift again as her fingers, which lied inches from her lips that formed into a renewed smile, curled into the fabric of his shirt.

 _What I would do if I lost you._

 _Die._


	21. Earthquakes

**AN: *GASP* What's this!? A quick update!? It is indeed. Well, enjoy. Cheers!**

* * *

A crisp winter wind blew through the Napa compound while Joel and Ellie strolled down the street towards the local medical center. The clinic was at the southern entrance and at least a ten minute walk from their home. It had been a full week since they had to separate at the request of Lare, so Joel could join him on watch duty. Since diving into his arms when she met him at the gate early in the morning, Ellie of course had yet to leave his side. She even sat against the wall outside the bathroom when he showered, half worried that somehow, in the most nonsensical way possible, the claw-foot tub would consume him and transport him to some nether space where he would remain trapped forever. And each time he opened the door, with his hair still damp from the water and steam clouding the mirror, he would look down to see her gleefully staring up at him from her cross-legged position with unrestrained joy. Just being separated by a thin wall for ten minutes at most was difficult. Though, he would never, ever, call attention to the massive smile that carved into her face when she saw him come out. His silent appreciation of her, and frankly his, co-dependent and clingy selves would never wane. Each other, that was all they knew.

A particularly brisk gust of wind blew by, causing Ellie to zip up her trusty hoodie. The cold never bothered Joel, he simply found it refreshing and actually enjoyed it. If anything, he was more agitated by where they were currently headed than anything else.

"Can't believe you convinced my sorry ass to do this dammit," he mumbled in irritation.

Ellie, with a hand firmly gripped around his, swung his arm to and fro as she clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth.

"Really? You _can't_ believe it huh?"

"Nope," he spat back with a shake of the head.

"Pssht - whatever... I can get you to do _anything_ these days," she retorted with a cheeky grin.

He bristled at the statement from the little sprite beside him and snorted as he shot her a glance.

"Oh really now?" he responded.

And oh how correct she was. The confident, borderline arrogant claim was undoubtedly true, whether he wanted to admit it or not.

"Hell yeah dude! As you would say, uhh... _reckon_ it's been that way for a while now," she said, attempting to mock his deep, southern accent with one of her own.

She could never get her voice to go that deep. It was terrible and lacked all characteristics that typified an accent of a person who hailed from the southern states. But he laughed regardless at the feeble attempt.

"Tssht - nice try there missy - but I _reckon_ you've got a long way to go on that front."

She blew a raspberry and kicked a small rock across the asphalt that stood inches from her feet.

"Pfft - someday I'm gonna get it... you just wait," she said.

"Uh-huh," he simply responded, returning his gaze to the health center that was getting closer and closer.

He heaved a sigh and wiped his eyes.

"You ain't gonna change your mind on this one huh?"

"Nope," she responded with a shake of the head.

"Besides, you dragged me to the doc when we were in Jackson, now it's my turn."

"But I ain't even sick."

"Well, I fucking see that Joel but... back in Idaho I thought you were gonna drop dead on me or something. So you're gonna get your ass in that doctor's office whether you like it or not," she austerely said.

Though he wouldn't entirely accept it, she was right. The sickness that plagued him on their journey was nothing to scoff at and at the very least, if seeing a doctor for a quick checkup brought _her_ peace of mind, he absolutely would do it.

"Jesus - feisty today," he said with a subtle eye roll.

She lightly punched his arm. That eye roll of his, she always found it to be so sarcastic and maddening. But in the weirdest of ways, she found some strange form of enjoyment out of it. It meant she was annoying him. Which, of course, was all the more entertaining on its own. Despite the contrast in their age and size, she had just as much control over him as he did of her. They were equals. They were one.

"It's just... it's my turn to worry, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah - alright - you got it," he reluctantly responded as he messed with her hair.

She smiled and got a light bounce in her step.

"Good."

A few seconds of silence fell between them as they approached the steps to the medical center.

"Joel," she said with that all too familiar, terse and curiosity-filled intonation.

He was reminded of holding her in his arms and warming her up when they crossed the Sierras during the blizzard, or even the day they walked down interstate eighty through the desert in Nevada. He remembered how much he loved that nettlesome, yet lovable tone of hers when something of intrigue snagged on her never ending desire to understand and question all things. It was childlike wonder in its purest form.

And he loved it.

"Yes darlin'," he responded with smile.

"Remember when we first got here? Lare said something about... earth... earthquakes? What are those?"

He scratched his beard and snickered to himself, realizing that he'd yet to ever experience one during his fifty years of existence.

"Well - I ain't ever been in one personally but... basically the ground beneath you... just moves, shifts an' shakes... or something like that. Hell - I dunno really, I ain't a geologist."

"So... like, the ground, this right here, under my feet, will fucking move and shake and stuff?"

"Yeah - pretty much."

"Wow, that sounds kinda fucking awesome actually," she said with a light, humored laugh.

"Well, when your house an' everything you know gets destroyed an' crumbles to the ground it ain't _that_ awesome."

That caused a string of thoughts to run through her mind. Even before the outbreak, the primary and most recent cause for robbing people of everything they knew, there were uncontrollable events that achieved exactly the same thing. The world, like he'd tried to tell her, wasn't all sunshine and rainbows all the time before it was crawling with Infected, Bandits and Hunters. Cruel fate had many forms, the Cordyceps Virus simply being its latest.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. How do they happen though?"

"Pssht - hell if I know, somethin' to do with the tectonic plates or some crap. But like I said, I ain't a damn geologist so don't take my word for it."

She made a face and slowly nodded, like one does when accepting and agreeing with an unexpected explanation.

"Huh, alright - sounds right enough to me," she said with a shrug.

"Yep - Lare had a good point too, they really are a lot like Bandit raids. There's always gonna be the next one, you just never know when or how bad."

"Anyway, ready to do this?" he continued as he opened the door of the clinic and motioned for Ellie to go inside.

"You're the one who's doing the whole shebang, not me dude! Soooo... yep!" she said, proudly lifting her chin.

* * *

An hour passed while they sat in the waiting room of the health center. The place was empty, the only signs of life being the doctors on staff and one other person who was also waiting when they arrived.

When they first sat down, Ellie was sitting upright in one of the many cushioned chairs in the room. But as seconds turned into minutes and minutes into a full hour, her posture drooped more and more. Eventually, she became completely slumped in her chair, sliding further and further down until the the back of her head rested against the rear cushion and her waist was off of the seat entirely. Of course, once that inevitably became too uncomfortable to endure, she rotated ninety-degrees, crossed both legs at the ankles and propped the underside of her knees atop the armrest, flopping the back of her head onto Joel's thigh.

He fondly remembered Sarah performing the same antics when she was bored and restless while mindlessly waiting for something. Since there was nothing else to do, he simply sat there, regardless of how numb his leg got due to the weight of Ellie's little head, and happily watched her fiddle with his sleeve.

She blew a raspberry then groaned.

"Oh my god - there's like no one here, why the fuck is this taking so long?" she asked.

He laughed.

"Hey, you're the one who wanted to do this kiddo, not me."

He was right and there was no backing out now. She wouldn't dare give in after they'd waited this long. He was seeing the doctor no matter what, she was sure of it.

"Yeah but I mean... it's only us and one other guy that's here."

"Well, sure, but... how many damn qualified doctors you think they got in this place?"

She bit her lip, darted both eyes upwards and started counting on her fingers as she tried to remember each person they saw since arriving that looked like a medical professional.

"Okay, well... there was that one dude. Then the other dude, then the lady with the brown hair... and... I think that other lady with the blonde hair."

He rolled his eyes and chuckled, mindlessly stroking her hair with his knuckles in the process.

"Wow, reckon you're dead on, very descriptive there... I'm sure you _nailed_ it," he sportively taunted.

Suddenly, they heard a very loud but muffled bang and thud from outside, beyond the walls of the medical center. It startled her, but didn't seem to phase him in the slightest. He tilted his head back, rested it on the back of the chair, then closed both eyes and let loose a deep, boredom-filled breath while doing so.

"Uhh... what the hell was that?" she asked, lifting her head from his leg.

"I dunno - probably nothin' - Lare said they were workin' on the southern gate today, reckon it's just that," he softly mumbled with his eyes still closed.

Like hers did to his sleeve, his fingers continued to absentmindedly fiddle with her hair. She'd gotten so used to feeling his rough, callused fingers toying with it that if he suddenly stopped, it would in the weirdest of ways, _hurt._ As if he would be distancing himself from her.

"Hmph - didn't sound like nothing," she said as she scrunched her face.

She plopped her head back down and wiggled in her spot, adjusting herself to her liking and resumed toying with the fabric of his sleeve. For some reason, unbeknownst to both of them, she found the act far too entertaining. Though really it had become a subconscious habit and nothing more. Half of the time she didn't even know she was doing it. At the very least it kept her fingers occupied, thus preventing her from picking at her fingernails. Something she so often did while bored.

She started to giggle to herself.

"The hell's so funny?"

"Are they gonna use that... oh man, what the hell was it called... that... sphyg-mamo-mamo thing on your arm?" she asked through her laughs.

The ridiculous and silly terms she came up with always humored him and he let loose a light laugh as well.

"Reckon they probably will," he responded through his chuckling.

"What does it do again?"

"It checks your - "

Out of nowhere, an ear shattering boom thundered from the entrance at the far end of the hallway, interrupting his explanation immediately. She shot straight up and gulped as she glanced around the room, her eyes finally settling on his as he looked back at her. Instinctively, he wrapped an arm around her, pulled her close then wiped his brow. Right away, they felt their sharply tuned senses refocusing. They hadn't been off of the road long enough to let their survival instincts rot away.

"What the fuck was that!?" she frantically asked, though in the back of her mind she sure had an idea.

He pulled her even closer and leaned to the right in the chair to peer around the corner and down the hallway. An obscuring cloud of smoke and dust crept its way towards them, masking anything beyond a ten foot range. They heard loud voices, shrieks, yells and shouts from outside and the far end of the hall.

"I dunno baby, hang on - stay back," he paternally said as he held her in his lap, concern and care palpable behind every word.

Suddenly, a series of gunshots echoed from outside, the cackling sounds rippling through the air towards them. Before either could even blink, when the sounds hit their eardrums, they knew exactly what was going on. As they were warned, the next raid was due any moment.

"We just had to fucking mention it didn't we!?" she quietly spat through a whisper.

"Yep, Bandits - goddammit!"

More voices, this time louder, echoed from the hallway. None of which sounded friendly and they looked at each other, both swallowing hard upon realizing that their supplies, everything they utilized to survive on the road, was sitting at home. They were naked, vulnerable as could be and the only thing they had was her switchblade and _each other_.

The sound of boots against linoleum and more voices roped them out of their thoughts. It was fight or flight, there was no time to ponder.

"Fuck! Hide, hide, hide!" he spat, dragging her along by the hand as they knelt down behind a desk, which sat in the waiting room.

The once calm and serene room was now rife with tension, so much so that one could make the place violently explode if they were to just poke it with a needle.

Their breaths were quick, shallow and panicked. Sweat was already bubbling across their skin and dampening their shirts. They looked at each other, their faces mere inches apart, and gazed into one another's eyes. His dark browns and her greenish-blues said more than any words could. Neither was going let anything happen to the other. Neither was going to let anything rob them of their _purpose._

A Bandit crept into the room, pistol trained and all, ready to shoot on sight. They heard his footsteps gradually approach as the man's boots clunked against the floor. Joel lifted a finger to his lips, in a hushing motion, and looked Ellie in the eyes.

She simply nodded and gulped. Killing to _survive_ was nothing new and something that was forever engraved into their brains. An ironic and sad fact that was.

The Bandit rounded the corner of the desk and his eyes went large. But before his finger could pull the trigger, Joel was already lunging forward and wrapping an arm around his neck.

He planted his other hand over the Bandit's mouth, preventing him from screaming for help. He pulled him down and dragged him behind the cover the desk, tightening his grip around the bastard's neck. The veins in his forearm enlarged and his muscles tensed as he squeezed as hard as he could to strangle the man to death, grunting, snarling and growling as he fought the Bandit's strength with his own. Within seconds, the man's hands dropped his pistol then made countless, feeble and anemic attempts to break free as they grasped at Joel's death grip.

It was no use and before long his body went limp as he breathed his last breath.

"Holy shit," Ellie muttered in an exasperated hush, round eyed and all.

Her switchblade was already drawn, and had the Bandit made any attempt to harm Joel, she would've stabbed the bastard dozens of times until a pool of blood soaked the carpet beneath them.

Joel reached for the pistol and peered over the surface of the desk, only to immediately drop his head back down and grimace.

"Shhhiiiit," he quietly growled.

"What!?"

"Three more comin' in."

"We're fucking trapped in here aren't we!?"

"I dunno - probably but just... just get ready honey."

"Uh-huh, okay," she said with a nod and another gulp.

Their breaths were heavy and strained. Their stomachs churned. Their insides twisted into painful knots. Both of them felt that tingle in their bladders, the tingle one gets when in the midst of adrenaline-filled circumstances that posed grave, or at the very least, serious repercussions depending on their outcome. They focused their hearing, painstakingly listening to each footstep that drew closer. Every sound was magnified and for a second they thought they could even hear the beat of the other's heart. That sound, that _precious_ thump, needed to persist under any and all circumstances.

Just as the next Bandit came into vision, Joel sprung to his knees and rapidly fired multiple rounds into him. He unloaded whatever bullets remained in the pistol's chamber into the man's body, seeing the spurts of blood spouting from the newly formed wounds.

 _Pop-pop-pop-pop!_

"Oh fuck! You hear that!?" a loud voice boomed from down the hallway.

Joel was still pulling the trigger, hearing the weapon give way to empty clicks after the last bullet left the chamber. The Bandit in question was already dead. His torso was littered with bullet holes, the evidence of Joel's handiwork emitting small puffs of smoke into the air around the wounds.

More footsteps, this time at a quicker pace, echoed throughout the room. Before the next Bandit could even register what transpired, Joel pounced from his kneeling posture behind the desk and tackled the man to the floor. A series of gunshots went off as the Bandit tried to defend himself. Each bullet just barely whizzed past Joel's head and instead of hitting pay-dirt, they punctured a series of holes into the ceiling.

He pinned the bastard to the floor, pressed a knee onto the man's wrist and pinned it to the floor to keep him from freely firing away, then furiously swung at his face. His callused and scarred fists of stone thudded into the man's cheeks, nose and mouth, breaking and shattering bone with every rage-induced swing. Blood spurted from the Bandit's disfigured and bludgeoned head and within seconds Joel's jeans were densely spotted in the life-giving liquid.

Ellie peaked her head up from the desk and saw another one round the corner. She watched the man raise his gun, heard him pull the hammer back and watched him ready himself to unload a collection of rounds into the only thing that she was _living_ for. Her eyes widened, their pupils dilating to the size of full moons. With no regard for her own life, she threw all caution to the wind and without a second thought leaped from behind the desk and charged the man at a full sprint.

"No, no, no! Joel! Look out!" she screamed as she pounced through the air, landing atop the man's back.

She drove the knife repeatedly into his shoulders and neck. Again and again she stabbed, until his body collapsed to the floor and ceased to twitch in its final moments of life. Gobs and spurts of blood shot from the half-dozen or so stab wounds, coating her hands and hoodie in a thick layer of blood. The garment was now more red than its normal combination of black and red plaid.

Her heart hammered away in her chest and she wiped the sweat from her brow, meeting Joel's eyes with hers. He was still kneeling above the brutally beaten body he so savagely destroyed seconds ago. But she saved his life, _again._ They were starting to lose track of how many times she rescued him from the angel of death, this must have been the umpteenth time she did so. And even in this moment, with corpses bleeding out and lying on the floor around them, she smiled. A streak of blood and sweat marred her cheek, veiling the collection of freckles that he always thought were so endearing. It was as if he saw her delicate and fragile angel wings pop up from her shoulders only to be complemented by the sprouting of devilish horns atop her forehead. So unique, so strange and _special_ the adorable little girl was.

He watched her push aside a sweaty bang and heave a deep breath while she knelt atop her latest victim. He smiled back, as if to thank her for saving his life yet again, and of course she knew exactly what it meant when he coupled it with a nod.

But as the obscuring cloud of smoke parted from the hallway behind her, a figure holding a handgun became visible. He observed it slowly materialize from the cloud, then in slow motion, watched it raise its weapon and take aim at his little girl that sat in clear sight.

His eyes widened to their maximum size and panic filled his every nerve. If his body would've let him, he would've thrown up right then and there but it wouldn't. For the one thing that kept him fighting, the one thing that kept him going was about to be horrifically ripped away after _everything_ they'd been through and built between them if he didn't act right this moment. The paternal alarms in his head went _wild_ and the primitive instinct to protect _his_ child at all costs kicked into high gear.

Immediately, he shot straight up from his kneeling posture and sprinted forward, his feet kicking and nearly tripping over themselves as he bolted across the room like a flash of lightning.

"Oh god! No! No! No! Ellie! Noooo!" he screamed as he dove behind her, sprawling completely horizontally with arms and legs extended as he flew through the air.

The deep, bellow and painful cry in his voice was _heartbreaking_. She'd never heard a human being sound anything like that before and only thought it must have been what he sounded like when he lost Sarah. Before she even had a chance to react, she felt him wrap himself around her. He encased her little self in his arms and pulled her tightly into his chest as he enveloped every inch of her body with his much larger frame.

He held her. He clutched her. He squeezed her so close that all she could do was let loose tiny, fragile, shallow sips of air as her lungs attempted to breathe in his almost-crushing but protective grasp.

Then it happened.

Two gunshots sliced through the air from behind them. She wanted to scream his name, to shout for help but couldn't. She wanted to rewind the current day and go back to the morning, when they were sitting at the table eating breakfast, just so they could start it all over and _never_ come here. Time seemed to slow. The earth stopped spinning and everything in her mind came to a screeching halt. The seconds between the cackle of the gun and ensuing bullets that would follow felt like an eternity. She thought that just maybe, this was all a dream. That perhaps the small cylinders of metal would never actually arrive and instead she would wake up in bed, snugly and safely wrapped in her _favorite place._

If only.

The inevitable happened. The bullets landed. Both of the rounds thudded into his back and she felt him twitch and wince as he grunted and shrieked in pain. The tone behind his howls was torturous. It would haunt her forever. It mercilessly tore at her heart. The organ skipped not just one, two, or even three, but a multitude of beats and she could hardly catch her breath. It was as if she could _feel_ just as much of the pain as he could, experiencing the entire thing in the same fashion.

She twitched in his arms and was only able let out a whimper; a painful, desperate and airy cry.

"Oh... _fuck!_ "

One last gunshot rang from further down the hallway. It was Lare putting a bullet into the skull of the last Bandit who was about to riddle Joel's back with more.

"Oh shit - oh no - Joel!" he shouted as he sprinted towards them.

Disregarding everything else, she wiggled free out of Joel's arms, not even knowing if more Bandits lurked nearby. She spun around and watched him collapse to the floor onto his back. His limbs shook and his breathing was already rapid and heavy.

"Oh god! No! No! No! Oh my fucking god! Help! Somebody fucking do something! Please! Help!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, her gaze never breaking from his face.

In a matter of seconds tears were dripping from her eyes and rolling down her cheeks. Pain like this was foreign, unexplored territory and the synapses in her brain were rapidly firing like military-grade artillery as it tried to rewire itself to cope, to understand and _endure_ what was transpiring. The sensation that raged within her heart was alien, even scary. She'd only felt this way a small handful of times before. It was pounding, fluttering, aching, sputtering, choking, sporadically beating and hardly able to keep itself going.

She knelt down next to him, her limbs shaking just as much as his, and immediately reached for his hand then intertwined their fingers.

"Oh-okay Joel - stay with me, stay with me - c'mon you're okay - we're gonna get through this like we always do - we've done this before - stay with me, you _have_ to be okay," she stammered, her frantic assurances rolling across her tongue like lightning.

He was shaking. His skin was turning a dark, purplish blue and a pool of blood was forming beneath him. His breathing was chaotic. Some breaths were deep, others quick and shallow and he gripped her hand tighter. Their eyes met and she gazed into his. They gave her that _look,_ that look that said he knew it was all over, that he knew everything they'd built between them was about to come to a horrific end, that his death would leave her all alone and _abandoned._

She'd seen that look in the eyes of so many Hunters and Bandits they killed on their journeys, even in the one he just strangled to death minutes before. She knew exactly what it meant. It meant goodbye. It meant giving up. It meant losing the will to _fight._ It meant she was losing him, that the cold hand of death was slowly dragging him away. His expression, that look in his eyes yanked out of her a scared, terrified and painful, little squeal. It was a sound she only made once before, when she thought she was going to lose him the last time. Her heart went haywire. It sputtered and heavily thumped behind the prison of her rib cage. Was it _dying?_ It sure felt like it.

"Oh no, no, no, _no!_ Don't do that! C'mon Joel please don't do that! Please, please, _please!_ C'mon, don't do that!" she shouted as she fervently pat him the shoulder before giving way to a painful sob.

She was like a little kid crying, sobbing and wailing because it lost something its infantile brain cherished so illogically, yet so dearly.

Lare finally arrived at their side and knelt aside Joel opposite her. He watched the tears that dripped from her eyes fall and splatter onto Joel's shirt and jeans. He shook his head and took a deep breath, struggling to keep his composure.

"Need a fucking doctor out here right goddamn now!" he shouted down the hallway as he lifted his head.

Ellie's hands were shaking, her whole body vibrated in fear. Her eyes were still big and round, pupils dilated to the size of the sun. She sniffled, let out another whimper and watched as Joel struggled to move his lips. His voice was hoarse, slow and pained.

"B-baby girl -" He gulped. "I think - "

She gently placed a palm across his forehead and kissed the back of his hand that she held so tightly, so _dearly,_ that she thought the harder she squeezed, the better chance he had of surviving. She was willing to try anything to keep her _purpose_ alive.

"Shh, shh - d-don't say it - it's okay - we're gonna get through this - we have to," she stuttered through her sobs that were quickly becoming uncontrollable.

His stare never once broke away from that cute and precious freckled face of hers. If he was going to die, if he was going to perish right here, the image of her sure as hell was going to be the last thing he saw.

She lifted her head and darted both eyes around the hallway, relieved to see the four doctors she saw earlier, running towards them with a stretcher.

"Come on! Come on! Hurry! He's fucking dying!" she screamed through her tears.

"El-Ellie... listen to me -" he tried to speak.

His dying voice pulled her attention back to him. She squeezed both eyes shut, more tears leaving wet stains down her cheeks as she pressed her lips to his forehead.

"Shh, shh - don't say _it_ , please don't - we're okay, we're okay... we're okay - you're gonna be fine - I'm not losing you. I'm not gonna _fucking_ lose you," she whispered, her voice turning into a pained, soft yell as she finished.

"Okay - step aside, we gotta get him to the operating room _right_ now or he's not gonna make it," one of the doctors frantically said.

Lare moved aside, but Ellie refused to let go of Joel's hand. He wouldn't let her do so anyway even if she tried.

"I'm not letting him go!" she snapped, only to follow the the angry shout with another sob.

"Okay, okay fine - just slide him on here," the doctor commanded as the four of them wiggled and shifted Joel onto the stretcher.

"On three we lift... one, two, three!" he said, his voice straining as he and the three other doctors lifted Joel off of the ground.

As they carried him down the hallway, his stare never once broke from Ellie's. Their eyes remained locked and focused on one another's, refusing to acknowledge anything else. His skin was turning darker, more deathly and the blood in his veins had an even more purple and blue tinge to them as opposed to their normal, faded gray. The blood from his wounds left a dense trail of droplets on the linoleum floor and his breathing was becoming more and more labored. He wasn't sure how much longer he could hold on.

A cruel thing, fate was. After becoming a hardened, soulless killer, he always thought he would be ready for death. On occasion he imagined how he would die and what would be ultimately responsible for finally snipping the rope that tied his last life to his physical being. Long he thought he would accept the happening, that he somehow _deserved_ it as punishment for all of his sins since the outbreak. Eventually the thought of death didn't seem so bad. That he would even welcome it with open arms knowing it would take him away from a world that tortuously robbed him of everything he held dear. But now, feeling his life circling the drain with each passing second, he _couldn't_ just accept it. For he had something to live for, something worth fighting for.

Was this fate's final and ultimate punishment for him? To kill him in front of his little girl who he just knew needed _him_ in order to continue living? To make him watch the tears drip from her eyes as he breathed his last breath to not only kill him, but also shatter his heart into millions of tiny pieces just before dying?

 _Hah._

In that case, _fuck_ fate. Fuck. That.

He wasn't about to let a feeble attempt such as two, small pistol rounds rip him away from his Ellie. He'd survived much worse. The cruel world - even god - would have to try way harder than that.

He had to hold on. He had to do it for _her._

He gritted his teeth then uncorked an angry, painful yell as he forced his brain to hang on. He shook his head then returned his stare to Ellie's. In the smallest and faintest of ways, her frown lessened. Seeing him fight tooth and nail, for her, seemed to slightly ease away a scant amount of her emotional pain.

"El-Ellie - " he tried to call out to her.

Another cloud of blackness hit his mind. Despite his strong resistance and no matter how hard he fought, he was slowly losing the battle between consciousness and unconsciousness due to the blood flowing out of his back. His eyelids fluttered and his head went limp, the dark-haired thing rolling to and fro from the light bounce of the stretcher. Seeing the life behind his eyes flicker and hiccup ripped out of her another, scared little squeal as her lips trembled.

"No, no, _no!_ Don't do that! Please no! Oh god - don't fucking do that!" she pleaded, holding his hand every step of the way.

They busted into the operating room and the doctors quickly flopped him onto an elevated bed that sat in the middle of the room. It wasn't your typical, cold, steel operating table. It was merely an old mattress covered in white sheets and nothing more. It was all they had.

They turned him on his side, tore open his shirt and prepared to dig out the two bullets that remained lodged in his back.

A cold sweat percolated on the surface of his skin, his hands felt clammy and wet to the touch. That feeling, that _deathly_ touch was something she'd never felt from his palm before. It shook her to the core. It increased the size of the lump in her throat and she swallowed hard, the act almost painful. She began to think that her worst fear was seconds away from coming to fruition.

She gently stroked his forehead with the back of her little hand, her lips trembling and tears rolling down her cheeks as they looked each other in the eyes.

"Stay with me Joel - come on stay with me. You _promised_ you'd never leave me. You _promised,_ " she soothed, barely able to push the words across her tongue and through her quavering voice.

He struggled to swallow and his body continued to shake ever so slightly. When the touch of the scalpel hit his flesh, he cringed and cried out. He nearly crushed the delicate, small hand he held with his, but she didn't care. She only squeezed his even harder and let out a cry of her own, as if she was feeling every ounce of pain he was.

"Shh, shh - I know, I know, I know... we're almost through this, c'mon pops," she said as her throat clenched.

The lead surgeon reached out a hand and demanded for the next instrument.

"Tweezers - now, now, now - do it."

A man to her left obeyed and handed her the tweezers. There was nothing more the rest of them could do. They simply watched the gruesome sight of the surgeon pulling the bullets out of Joel's torso. Witnessing the winces and grimaces of pain that him _and_ Ellie were giving off was crushing all on its own.

Minutes went by as she constantly looked into his eyes, praying that their color wouldn't fade. Seeing a person's final moments of life, watching their soul lift through their eyes as they breathed their last breath was all too familiar. Every fiber of her being prayed to god, or some benevolent thing she wasn't even sure was real, that she wouldn't become privy to _that_ sight once again, right _here_ and now.

"Scissors," the lead surgeon barked.

Her voice was commanding and confident, and gave Ellie a sliver of hope that the woman would somehow save her Joel, her protector, _purpose_ and most important thing in the universe.

The woman snipped the final thread then gently rolled him onto his back, careful not to aggravate the two, stitched up wounds. The cardiac monitor was still beeping, albeit infrequently and no where near the rate at which a healthy, living heart beats. But he was still here. He was hanging on. He was clinging to life, to _her_.

 _Barely._

He let out a pained groan and grimaced as he felt the raw, bloodied skin come in contact with the sheet beneath him. The cry yanked on Ellie's heart and she shuffled closer into the mattress, until her waist was practically lying on the thing. She held his hand and clung to it like it was the last thing on earth.

And to her, it was.

"Shh, shh - it's over - it's over. You're okay - we're okay... we're... we're gonna... we're gonna make it. Please hang on. You have to hang on. Please don't... don't leave me. You know I can't live without you. You have to hang on, _please,_ " she pleaded through a series of sniffles and whimpers.

She wiped her nose and took a deep breath. She felt his arm twitch and watched his eyelids flutter once again as his head tilted back. And thus, she felt another tug and painfully crushing blow to her heart as it sputtered and hiccuped.

It was breaking. Literally.

* * *

 **AN: Next update to come soon. I promise!**


	22. Stress-Induced Cardiomyopathy

**AN: These are much quicker updates than usual, so if you haven't read the previous two, I suggest you do so. Otherwise, this chapter will not make any sense :).**

 **Alright everyone, I now bring you the chapter, and quite frankly, the song, that were the creative inspirations behind this _entire_ story. This little thing, this chapter right here, which sparked inside my head months ago, was the driving force behind everything that we've been building towards. I can't tell you how relieved I was when I finally wrote and fleshed it out - thus making it _real_ (at least to me). The damn thing had been stuck in my brain for far too long. I don't want to give a whole lot away before you read it, so I will expand on my thought process a bit more in the last note that I will write at the end of the final chapter. **

**Anyways, please listen to _ Don't Speak by No Doubt_ as the soundtrack for this chapter. If not, it's of course no worries, as that is always the prerogative of the reader. But it did indeed play a major role in constructing the foundation that my brain came up with for the context of this whole story.**

 **Enjoy.**

* * *

 _You and me  
We used to be together  
Everyday together  
Always_

 _I really feel  
That I'm losing  
My best friend  
I can't believe this could be  
The end_

 _It looks as though  
You're, letting go  
And if it's real  
Well I don't want to know_

"El - baby - baby girl," he said, calling to her with a hoarse and fading voice.

"Yeah, yeah - I'm here - I'm right here - and so are you, always," she responded, her voice quavering as a tear dripped from her upper lip onto the back of his hand as she kissed it.

His eyes were glassy and barely emitted sparks of life, but as they had been since he hit the floor, they remained focused on hers.

Oh her eyes, those big, round, innocent and precious eyes. They were all that kept him going in this moment. He clung to them like they were all that was left in the world. He clung to them like his life depended on it.

He struggled to suck in every breath and stave off unconsciousness that he was sure would put him under forever if he succumbed to it. But that face, dear _god_ that adorable and delicate little face, which chipped away the ice around his heart from day one whether he wanted to admit it or not, was all his tunnel-visioned gaze focused on. More times than he could count that face was his guardian angel, the puppet master behind that curtains that was _really_ responsible for keeping him alive and fighting the past year and a half.

Lare and the doctors simply stood in a semi-circle around the tear-jerking scene. Unable to move, like statues they stood rigid in place, feet bolted to the ground from the heartbreaking sight before them. They watched him struggle to hold on. They watched her cry. They watched every tear fall from her chin onto _his_ beard and shirt. They listened to her sobs as she begged and pleaded for the reaper to take his leave and to never return. Being privy to the sound of her painful wails only ignited the burning of tears in all of them.

"Is - is he gonna make it?" Lare asked through a gulp, wide-eyed and all like the rest of them.

"I - I... I dunno at this point. We've done all we can do," the surgeon responded, her voice just as broken and timid as his.

" _No!_ Fuck you! He's gonna make it! He has to!" Ellie screamed, her stare never once breaking from the cherished man that lay before her.

But hearing the doubt behind the surgeon's voice only tugged at her heartstrings even more. She closed her eyes and pressed both lips against his forehead then whispered to him.

"Please, please, _please -_ c'mon, you can't go. I can't lose you - think of everything we've done - _everything_ we've been through. I _love_ you too much to lose you, oh _god_ I love you."

 _Our memories  
Well, they can be inviting  
But some are altogether  
Mighty frightening  
As we die, both you and I  
With my head in my hands  
I sit and cry_

Hearing those words from his little girl again, _I love you,_ yanked on his heart. And unable to resist the emotional pain of seeing her in so much distress, tears of his own began to pool at the base of his eyes. The sight pained her even more and she quivered as another sob shook her frame, more tears raining from her sore and tired eyes.

Another wave of blackness hit him and his whole body flinched. His eyelids fluttered again, the dark browns behind them almost rolling to the back of his head as the signs of life from within flickered once more. The hand that was tightly wound around hers stiffened its grip as he fought with every fiber of his being to stay conscious, to hold on for _her_.

And _fuck_ he had to. If only just for her. But as much as he fought, he knew he was fighting a losing battle.

"No! Please don't do that! Oh god - stay with me Joel - stay with me - c'mon, _please_ don't do that!" she howled, the panic in her voice increasing with each passing second.

She was losing him. His life force was crumbling and trickling through the cracks. The hand of death was slowly increasing its tensile grip around his throat. She could _feel_ him being dragged away into the void where his soul would remain trapped forever. Perhaps worst of all, she was _powerless_ and unable to do anything to tilt the odds in their favor. That thought alone, hit her like a ton of bricks and her hands, arms, feet, legs - hell, her entire, tiny body - began uncontrollably shaking in terror.

She squealed again, her voice cracking as the scared, terrified, little peep reverberated around the room. The fragile noise pummeled the hearts of Lare and the doctors, including him. If anything, it made him grasp at his fading strands of life that much more dearly. For that horrified noise, that she couldn't help but let slip through her lips, only told him how petrified his little girl was, how scared she was from the idea of ending up _alone._ He'd never heard her let loose _that_ sound so frequently in such a short span of time. It was a rare noise, one her hardened, tough-as-nails self rarely ever squeaked. But watching his life circling the drain and knowing his next breath could be his last, peeled away every layer of her outer shell.

She was vulnerable, unguarded and naked. She _needed_ him. Her _heart_ needed him. Desperately.

He swallowed hard and reached his free hand up to the back of her head, his arm shaking all the way up. His palm gently curled around the back of her neck, just beneath her ponytail, and caressed her head while he held her hand with his other. The touch of her skin and that extra-soft, tuft of auburn hair at the top of her neck and tucked just below her hair tie and ponytail, he wanted to - no, _had_ to - feel one, last, final time. He coughed, gritted his teeth and winced, feeling his consciousness beginning to fade.

That touch, that rough and callused, but gentle and protective touch of his palm, rose goosebumps across her skin. It was a cruel, vivid reminder of what she would no longer have, of what she would never, ever feel again. Was this the last time she would get to be in his safe embrace? Was this the last time she would hear his deep, soothing voice? Was this the last time she would hold his hand? Would she no longer be able to dive into his arms when scared? Would she no longer get to curl into a tiny ball in his embrace and _let_ him envelop her in a protective cocoon and guard her from all things horrific? Were the piggyback rides over? Would she never be able to nuzzle into the crook of his neck and nap while he carried her home? Was this the end of their _attachment?_ Was she about to lose her home? Her _purpose?_ Was she about to end up horrifically, painfully and dreadfully alone? After _everything,_ Boston, Pittsburgh, the road to Wyoming, David, the _first_ time he held her, the harsh trek to Salt Lake City, him rescuing her from the fireflies, Jackson, Sean, Michelle, their voyage to Napa and of course, the first time they said those three, magical words to each other, was it all about to come crashing down?

 _It's all ending  
I gotta stop pretending_  
 _Who we are..._

Yet another crushing wave of blackness hit him as his eyes danced in their sockets. The synapses in his brain rapidly fired memory after memory as the shreds of his life and soul started winding down the drain. Memories of Sarah, her birthdays and soccer games, playing his guitar, driving his first car, watching football on Sundays with her and Tommy, the outbreak, the sins he committed as a hunter, Boston, smuggling, Bill, Robert, Marlene, Maria, Tess... _Ellie,_ darted across his mind.

 _God_ he would never forget the first day fate brought him and his little girl together. He hoped, that somehow, even in death, he would hold onto the images of her's and Sarah's faces.

He forced his eyes open and cleared his throat. His lips trembled as his whole body shook, each breath he took sounding more painful and forced than the previous. He gently pulled her head down and pressed his lips to her cheek as he whispered to her.

"Re-remember... ba-baby girl... I'll always lo-love you."

He smelled different. She didn't smell his normal, gruff and musky, healthy scent that she'd grown so attached to. Instead, he smelled like _death._ And hearing him utter those words made her weak in the knees and she pressed both eyes shut as she let out another painful sob.

"No, no, no! You - you can't go... you can't... I love you too much - please _oh god!_ " she wailed.

 _You and me, I can see us dying... are we?_

His hand slid from the back of her neck to her cheek, his palm cupping the soft, freckled and fragile thing as he paternally gazed into her eyes. He tried to speak again, his voice even hoarser than before.

"Ellie - b-baby - sweetie - listen to me... I want you to - "

She gently stroked his cheek and beard with the back of a hand.

"Shh, shh - d-dont - don't say it - please don't - don't speak - just don't," she softly whimpered, her lips trembling after every word.

Tears were streaming down her cheeks, the salt water leaving clear, crystallizing lines on her skin as they fell like a waterfall onto his knuckles. His eyelids fluttered again and his head wilted to the side, his chest hardly expanding and contracting as his diaphragm struggled to make his lungs eke out the smallest of breaths.

 _Don't speak_  
 _I know what you're saying_  
 _So please stop explaining_  
 _Don't tell me 'cause it hurts_  
 _No, no, no_  
 _Don't speak_  
 _I know what you're thinking_  
 _I don't need your reasons_  
 _Don't tell me 'cause it hurts!_  
 _Don't tell me 'cause it hurts!_

"Oh my... fuck! Do something! We're losing him! Do something goddammit!" Lare shouted in a panic. It'd only been two weeks since they arrived, but he knew if they lost Joel, they lost her, Ellie.

But his voice didn't attract the attention of the two co-dependent beings before him, hardly even the doctors at that.

"There's nothing... I - I can't do anything else," one of them mumbled back through a gulp, his eyes wide and trained on the painful scene that would haunt his dreams for the rest of eternity.

With his head wilted to the side, his cheek lying against the pillow and his eyes now closed, he gave her dainty, precious, little hand a final, loving squeeze.

"My baby girl... I... love - "

She whimpered again and a massive pout engulfed her face as her lower lip bulged out to a size she didn't even know was possible. Her voice was soft, almost a quiet hush as she whispered into his hairline through her tears and begged him again. It was all she could do. It was all she had.

"No, no, _no_ \- please don't - don't speak - save your strength - please Joel - _my_ Joel, my pops - don't leave me - _please_ hang on... for me," she muttered.

 _Don't speak!_  
 _Don't speak!_  
 _Don't speak!_  
 _Oh!  
I know what you're thinking_  
 _And I don't need your reasons_  
 _I know you're good_  
 _I know you're good_  
 _I know you're real good oh_

He choked, his throat clenched and he summoned every last ounce of strength he had left to peel open his eyelids, even if only barely. If he was going to die, if god, fate, the world - he didn't even know - were ready to finally collect the debt he'd owed for twenty years, if _this_ was it, for the love everything he held dear he was going to make sure he died seeing and holding _her._ His lips trembled as he tried to push them apart. He tried to speak, but nothing came out, only a cold, raspy puff of air.

Her whole body felt weak and her limbs violently shook as she rested her forehead against his brow, the cute, adorable button of her nose touching the tip of his.

"No, no, no - shh, shh - don't... don't speak... don't say it - don't do this - puh - please... please," she softly pleaded, though she knew it was hopeless.

She was losing him. He was fading. She just knew the cardiac monitor would cease to beep any moment now. Her _purpose_ was on the verge of being ripped away.

 _Don't, don't  
Oh, no, no, no..._

 _Hush, hush, darlin'  
Hush, hush, darlin'  
Hush, hush  
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts_

 _Hush, hush, darlin'  
Hush, hush, darlin'  
Hush, hush  
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts_

Then it happened. The grip from his hand went soft. His arm went limp and his head fell to the edge of the pillow, both of his eyelids glued shut.

"No!" she screamed as her eyes widened to their maximum size out of fear and dread.

She shook his hand, nudged his waist with a small fist, gripped his shoulders and violently shook him then pecked his forehead with a series of rapid kisses in a desperate, feeble attempt to bring him back to her.

It was no use. She'd never felt him _that_ limp, _that_ lifeless before, even after that piece of re-bar impaled his torso.

She paused. Everything around her stood still and she heard nothing but a deafening silence. Her throat clenched and she dove her face into his chest and moaned, screamed, cried, sobbed and howled in agony.

"Oh god no! No, no, _no!_ Nahhhhh-hugh-hugh-hugh-nooo! Oh god _please!_ _Please no!_ _Please!_ Aaaggghhh-hugh-hugh-hugh-hugghhh no! No, no, no!"

Her wails and cries of pain, sounds that no child should ever, ever make, tore at the collective psyches of Lare and the doctors.

Suddenly, she felt her heart stutter once again. It skipped not just one, two, or even three or four, but multiple beats. It hiccuped, pounded, hammered, sputtered, stuttered and choked like the engine of a car that just sipped its last drop of gasoline and thus had nothing left to keep itself going. It went haywire and began to feel _so_ heavy that she thought her chest was being crushed by a thousand pound weight. She'd only felt _this_ feeling a few times before. It was the same feeling she got when she thought she lost him to the nail bomb from the Bandit raid in Jackson. The same feeling that hit her in the midst of her terrifying nightmare back in November. The exact same sensation in her gut and strangulation of her heart that smacked her across the face when they were told she could stay in Jackson, but _he_ had to leave and thus leave her behind _forever_. The same feeling that nearly crumbled her to pieces when she awoke in the storage closet of the casino in Reno, when for some illogical reason, she thought he'd left her and she was horribly, dreadfully and painfully, alone. It was a pain like no other. It felt like being shredded to bits. It felt like being sucked into a super massive black hole.

It felt like _dying._

Her breaths became shallow as her small chest furiously expanded and contracted, delicate sips of air rushing through her lips before her breathing ceased altogether. She lifted her head, perplexed and in pain, completely unsure of what was happening. Then, her eyes glazed over, their lids short-circuiting and fluttering chaotically. Her knees melted, her legs quivered and her whole body went limp as she collapsed to the floor.

"Oh shit! What the - fucking do something dammit!" Lare yelled at the top of his lungs.

One of the doctors wiped his brow, gulped and shook his head as he tried to reel his brain back to reality. The man darted over to the collapsed little girl and knelt beside her body.

"What's wrong with her!?" Lare stammered as he ran to her as well.

The doctor turned her over, onto her back. Her eyes were closed, her hair and ponytail splayed across the white, linoleum floor beneath her head. His hands lightly shook and he nervously scanned every inch of her body with his eyes. Unsure of what else to do, he picked her up and gently placed her on the other bed that sat inches from Joel's, the two co-dependent souls now lying side by side. He examined her again.

"So!?" Lare spat.

"I - I don't... I don't know!" the doc responded as he threw both hands in the air out of frustration.

"What you mean you don't know!? What the fuck's wrong with her!?" Lare shouted again.

"I told you! I don't - I don't fucking know! There's nothing wrong with her!"

"Well - shit... fucking - goddammit do something! Anything!" Lare screamed as his eyes darted back and forth between the doctor and the little girl who appeared lifeless.

He didn't know if she was dead or merely alive and unconscious.

Frantically, the doc touched her arms, legs, wrists, stomach, neck and forehead. Of course, he came up empty handed. Not a drop of blood was leaking from an open wound, for there was none to be found.

"She's not - I don't - I don't understand, she looks perfectly fine! I don't get it!" he yelled, his voice filled with perplexity.

"Well... fuck!" Lare spouted, bringing both hands to his face.

The doctor lowered his head and pressed an ear against her chest. He strained to listened to the next beat of her heart. He waited. He waited some more, and some more, and then even more.

Until finally, he heard a barely audible and _weak_ sounding thump from behind her chest.

"Her heart it's - I don't... it's barely fuckin' beating!" he shouted, lifting his head from her chest.

"Well what the fuck's happening to her!?" Lare frantically spouted.

"I don't - I don't _fucking_ know!"

Finally, the surgeon cleared her throat and spoke up.

"She's - she's heartbroken," she said calmly, in an almost amazed and fantastical yet somber tone.

Lare and the doctor standing beside Ellie snapped their heads around and stared at the woman in confusion.

"What!?" they asked in unison.

"I only read about it in medical journals before the outbreak and I never... I never thought it was real... and that I'd ever see it. But - " she continued in shock and awe.

"Are... are you serious? That's your fucking medical opinion? Heartbreak!?" Lare shouted back, his eyes as wide as the sun.

She made a face and simply nodded, unsure of what else to say. She _knew_ she was right.

"She's going to die from a _broken heart?_ " he asked, his voice taking on a ridiculously skeptical tone.

"I'm guessing if _he_ doesn't wake up... yes. The common term is heartbreak," she responded as she gently touched Ellie's forehead with the back of a hand.

The little girl was cold to the touch.

"Does it even have a fucking _real_ term?" Lare asked.

"Stress-induced cardiomyopathy," she tersely answered.

Then, suddenly, much to the surprise of them all, after flat-lining and being dead-silent for what felt like an eternity, Joel's cardiac monitor uncorked a single, hope-bearing beep.

 _You and me  
We used to be together  
Everyday together  
Always_

 _I really feel  
That I'm losing  
My best friend  
I can't believe this could be  
The end_

 _It looks as though  
You're, letting go  
And if it's real  
Well I don't want to know_

 _You and me, I can see us dying... are we?_

* * *

 **AN: Okay, emotionally, this chapter was really, really hard to write. Because of... well... yyyeeeaaahhh. I had to get up and walk away a few times actually. Though this was probably hard to read, I hope y'all enjoyed it in some way. I dunno, like I said, this damn thing was in my head for ages and was super intense to write/read. Kudos to those who picked up on the hints throughout the story and got the feeling that this was where we were headed. The extreme co-dependent nature between these two has been the primary driving force the whole time, has it not? :)**

 **I'm so sorry to drop another cliffhanger again, but the next update will also be coming very soon, I promise!**

 **Also, I do not take any credit for the song _Don't Speak by No Doubt_ as it is property of the band and its record label. I only own that which is mine, nothing more, nothing less.**


	23. Their Hook

**AN: Another quick update, just like I promised, yes? Again, since these a pretty quick updates, if you haven't read the previous two, I recommend you do so, otherwise this chapter will make no sense. Also, thank you so much again to the people who left such kind and heartfelt reviews, you know who you are. It meant so much to me and I'm awestruck and delighted to read that my writing has inspired anyone at all to do some writing of their own. Really, thank you all so much. You are all too kind.**

 **Anyway, here we go. Enjoy.**

* * *

It's a weekday. He's not sure which one, but Sarah's backpack is sitting in one of the chairs next to her at the kitchen table. Therefore, it's a school day, that much is at least true. She's calmly eating a bowl of cereal, her teeth gleefully crunching down on the stuff. He's sitting across from her, his eyes frantically darting around the room. He's in Austin. He's in his home. His guitar is standing upright against their entertainment center, its shelves dusty from not having been cleaned for a few weeks. The morning sun is bright, warm, _beautiful,_ and it bathes the kitchen and living room in a golden glow. It illuminates his little girl's face, her blond hair shining in the light.

He clears his throat and his arms nervously shake for a reason he's not even sure of. He can barely keep his elbows on the table. The sweat, which is now pouring through his skin, covers them in a thin, wet film, making them slick to the touch. He's not sure what to say. He doesn't know how to talk, or doesn't want to, he's not sure.

She speaks, bright smile and all, rescuing him from his mind.

"So - how's that whole kitchen remodel thing going with Tommy?" she asks, her legs happily swinging to and fro beneath her chair.

He arches an eyebrow and shakes his head as he runs a hand through his hair. Should he respond? He's not sure, but he does so anyway. He has to. But the words flow across his tongue unintentionally, as if someone, or something, is pulling them out of him.

"Uhh - good... yeah, movin' along - just did the electrical yesterday - reckon we'll be puttin' up the sheetrock today," he responds.

It's odd, strange, bizarre, but _good,_ talking about something so familiar such as his profession.

She needs to catch the bus to make it to school on time and he thinks she'll be late. He looks down at his watch to check the time, but for some reason it's broken, both of its hands stuck in place. He grunts and taps the face of it with a finger.

"Everything okay?" she asks.

"Yeah - yeah... just my watch - thing stopped workin' for some reason," he responds.

"Oh hah-hah... like I'm gonna fall for that one again," she says with a smirk and an eye roll.

He only snickers to himself, unsure of what else to do or say.

He looks her up and down, scanning the curious outfit she's donned for school. She's still wearing her plaid, white and purple pajama's along with that light-blue, Halycon Drops t-shirt she loves so much over a dark, gray long sleeve tee. He arches an eyebrow and clears his throat again.

"You're wearin' that to school?" he asks in confusion.

She swallows her last bite of cereal and smiles again, almost sheepishly.

"Uhh yeah? I wear this all the time. Don't you remember?"

He heaves a sigh and rubs his brow.

"Guess not."

She giggles before tipping up her bowl to suck down the remaining, sugar-saturated milk at the bottom.

"You're always so spacey in the morning Daddy. Did you not have your coffee yet or something?" she asks humorously with a grin after gulping down the liquid.

He takes another long look around the room, becoming more and more confused with each passing second.

"Sarah - baby - where... where are we?" he asks, his voice soft, calm, filled with awe.

As she gets up from the table to bring the empty bowl to the sink, she shoots him a glance and laughs again.

"Uhh home? Duh? Hah - what is with you today?" she says lightheartedly.

He furiously rubs his eyes, thinking this is all just a dream. Is this real? Is he really back home with _her?_ Is everything around him tangible, touchable, legitimate? Did he simply just wake up from a horrific - but strangely _beautiful_ \- dream which spanned just over twenty-one years?

"I - I dunno... weird mornin' I guess," he responds with a sigh.

She sets the empty bowl on the counter, next to the sink, then gleefully skips over to the table to scoop up her backpack.

"You get all your homework done last night?" he asks as he rises to his feet to strut his way over to her.

She looks just like she always does, innocent, clean, never once privy to the sight of death. Her eyes beam with an almost supernatural glow as she looks up at him, smiling all dainty like, an odd reminder of what was - or what _is,_ he's not even sure - he just knows he likes it but hates it all at the same time. Is he being cruelly tortured? Dear god does it ever feel like it. But he loves it, loves her, like always, and he can't help but feel a smile of his own stretch across his lips as he cups one of her cheeks with a callused palm.

Her smile widens, the pearly-whites of her teeth glistening in the early morning glow of the sun that's now pouring through the sliding glass door.

"Yeah - sure did... you uhh... you sure you're okay Dad?" she asks.

He's acting strange, almost scary, but he never scares her. She's always safe with him, knowing the only thing that could tear her away from him is _death_ itself.

"Yeah I... I think so, I think... reckon everything's just fine," he replies with a gradually widening smile.

"Okay - well... I finished _most_ of my homework," she says with an impish grin, her feet awkwardly fidgeting beneath her.

" _Sarah..."_ he glowers, but he doesn't sound all that mad.

"I know, I know! I'm gonna finish it on the bus I _swear!_ "

He lets loose a light laugh, a carefree kind of laugh that hasn't bellowed from his gut in an eternity, yet another little thing that reminds him of what was, or what is. He _really_ doesn't know. He's so confused but he'd be a damn liar if he said he wanted this to end.

"Alright, alright - what's it about anyway?" he asks as he helps slide the backpack onto her shoulders.

"It's for science class... have this assignment on the organs of the body or something," she says with a playful bounce of the head.

"Oh yeah? Could be interesting," he responds, running a hand through that blond hair of hers.

He messes it up, but she doesn't care. If anything he made it look _better._ It's something he does every morning before she leaves. And _that_ has become her hairstyle. The kids at school for some reason seem to love it, always asking her where she gets it cut. And she always responds with a sportive grin, only to make some dumb, sarcastic joke about how she flies to Hollywood every month to get it cut by some famous stylist.

"Yeah, it is... have to write in the blanks on this picture to label a bunch of 'em - you know, like the stomach, liver, lungs, brain and my favorite, the heart," she says.

That word, _heart,_ for some reason, he has no idea why, it stings him to the core and suddenly the morning sunlight begins to fade, the room gradually going darker by the second. He gulps and watches her turn back around and gaze into his eyes with hers. They're big, round, glistening and blue, just like her mother's. She looks so much like her, and so much like himself.

"Did you know the body can't live without the heart?" she asks with a strange, cryptic-like tone behind the odd question.

He swallows hard and brushes a bang away from her brow.

"I - I did know that," he responds with a confused, quavering voice.

"Apparently if the heart stops, the body will die," she continues sternly, almost angrily, crossing both arms in the process.

The room is growing even darker, the only source of light coming from her face and he can feel an eerie presence in the room. Like they're being watched. Like something is _crushing_ him.

"Sarah - honey - why're you... why're you talkin' like that? C'mon now, go on - get outta here or you're gonna miss the bus, c'mon kiddo," he says in an attempt to remain calm and pretend all is normal and well.

He doesn't want this to end. But he can sense the entire moment getting flipped upside and turned on its head. There's nothing he can do but simply act normal, to not scare her, to assure her that everything will be okay.

"But Dad, you're not listening to me! If the heart stops the body will die!" she suddenly stammers, her voice reaching a yell as she throws both hands down to her waist.

He jolts backwards, the hair on his skin rising and standing at attention.

"I - I know... why're you... what the hell is goin' - "

Suddenly, she spins ninety-degrees. Her eyes widen, they're all he can see in the now pitch black room. Her mouth drops agape and she points forward.

He slowly turns, petrified to discover what she sees, what he'll witness when his eyes meet the point that hers seem to be so intensely focused on.

There _she_ is. Floating, gliding, hovering, levitating, is a little girl, a redhead in dark, blue jeans with a red t-shirt over a gray thermal. She's horizontal, hovering above the floor in the center of the living room. He's not supposed to know who this is. But every fiber of being sure as hell knows. Why does he know? He's not supposed too, is he? That never happened. He's never met a little, auburn haired girl with freckles across her cheeks and nose, the decorative things so perfectly placed. He's never spent the better part of two years tied at the hip to this little sprite, protecting her at all costs as if he... _loves_ her as his own... right?

 _Of course_ he has.

 _Ellie. Baby girl. His new found purpose._

Her eyelids are tightly pressed shut, he can barely make out the motion of her tiny chest as she breathes. His eyes widen. He gulps. His hands begin to shake. If he was confused before, he's utterly perplexed now and entirely unsure of how to proceed.

Suddenly, a loud _thump,_ of epic proportions, booms throughout the whole house. The sound is coupled with a flicker of light emanating from the little girl's chest. Is the noise from _her?_ The house? Or from within his own head?

He glances back at Sarah, only now she's looking up at him, tears in her eyes. The walls of the house, the floor, the ceiling, all begin to violently shake. She firmly grabs hold of both of his wrists, shaking his arms right away.

"Sarah - what the hell is goin' on!?" he shouts.

"Don't you hear me!? If the heart stops the body will die!" she screams, tears dribbling down her cheeks.

Another thump echoes inside his head, this time weaker but again it's coupled with a flicker of light - albeit dimmer than before - from Ellie's chest. He gulps again and covers his face with both hands as he falls to his knees.

Sarah grips his shoulders and shakes him as hard as her little arms can bear.

"If the heart stops the body will die! The heart Daddy! The heart!" she frantically spouts.

The house is rumbling, rattling, falling to pieces around them and all he can do his unleash a massive, blood-curdling roar in hopes that it will somehow wake him from this wonderful, yet horrible dream.

"Daddy you have to go back!" she yells.

His roaring ceases. His whole body freezes in place and his hands slowly slide down his face, unveiling the rigid, still, floating redhead that remains levitating in the middle of what used to be his living room.

"Go back!" Sarah screams again as she tries to shake him once more.

He can't speak. He's unsure of what to say. A potential response doesn't even enter his brain. All he can focus on is Ellie and the commanding words of Sarah.

"If you don't go back the heart will stop! _She_ will die! Now go! Please!" Sarah stammers, her shouts becoming more pained and desperate.

His hands completely fall away from his face and he looks at Ellie, then back at Sarah. The little blond gulps. Her breaths are heavy and she curls all of her fingers into both of his sleeves. She looks him in the eyes and pushes through her lips one, last, final plea.

"Go back to her. _She_ needs you. _I_ need you to. Do it for her. Do it. For me."

He slams his eyes shut, grits his teeth and takes a massive, deep breath before unleashing another roar. The beats of his heart become more frequent and the invigorating sensation of blood fills his veins. The walls around him completely collapse, the house disappearing entirely.

He snaps open the lids that cover the windows to his soul. A sharp pain from his back causes him to wince. He is horizontal. And his heart... is still beating.

* * *

Joel gasped for air and his throat clenched as his brain cannoned itself backwards through the tunnel of death. He shot straight up from the mattress, which had been used merely as a surface for him to lie upon while the surgeon operated on him, deep and dark blotches of blood stained the cushy, white fabric beneath him. His eyes widened to their maximum size and they darted around room, looking for the only thing that mattered in this moment, that face, those eyes, that lovable bounce of an auburn ponytail.

"El - " He paused then cleared his throat, hardly able to yell, let alone speak.

"Ellie!" he shouted, the boom of his deep voice bouncing off the walls of the room.

He frantically scanned the room again, only to see Lare sitting on the floor with his head drooped down and both elbows rested on his knees. He rubbed his eyes and gulped, then called for her once again.

"Ellie! Baby!" he bellowed out.

The pain, the yearning and _fear_ behind his voice was palpable. Was he too late? Did Sarah's worry come true? He began to panic, every muscle in his body tensed to the point he thought all of his tendons would snap. His breathing took an anxious and heavy turn and he let out a yell of agony.

Suddenly, Lare awoke from the roaring echo of Joel's voice. His head twitched and he gasped in pure shock, awe and surprise.

"Oh fuck! Holy shit - Joel!" he yelled as he scrambled to his feet.

Joel didn't even hear the man, his brain was focused elsewhere and finally, mercifully, his eyes settled on his little girl, his Ellie, who'd been lying horizontal on the mattress next to him the whole time.

"Oh god! Ellie! Oh no - honey!" he shouted as he threw himself off of the mattress, clambering off of the thing and to his feet.

A sharp, burning and near crippling pain shot through him, sourced from the two wounds carved into his back. But he hardly noticed it in this moment. Nothing was going to stop him from clutching her little frame close to him.

Meanwhile, Lare bolted to the door and leaned into the hallway, yelling to the doctors that Joel woke up. Within seconds, they all came pouring back into the room to witness the sight and along with Lare, formed a semi-circle around Ellie's mattress.

One of them reached a hand out and touched Joel's arm in a motion of compassion and care.

"Joel - you should really lie back down and take it ea - "

"Don't touch me and don't you _dare_ fuckin' touch her! I'm fine!" he barked back.

The man jolted backwards in reaction and gulped. No one, nothing, was going to prevent him from holding his _purpose._

His pupils were dilated. His breathing was heavy. He didn't know what to do besides scoop her up into his arms and so he did. Hers were limp, their wrists still lying against the mattress like dead-weights as he held her tiny frame in his embrace. Her head limply dangled over the edge of his forearm and he quickly brought a hand up to gently caress the back of it, intertwining his fingers with the clump of hair that was her ponytail. The nervous sweat across her brow had yet to dry, her eyes were glued shut and he could see the leftover trails of tears that had been previously rolling down her cheeks with reckless abandon.

That sight, seeing that face in so much _pain,_ made him grimace, his lips trembling ever so slightly. He clenched his throat before swallowing hard, then pressed both lips to her forehead.

"Oh no... no, no, no. Honey - my baby, my precious, sweet little baby - come back to me - c'mon Ellie," he cooed.

Lare and the doctors, who weren't ready to witness _another_ heartbreaking scene simply stood there, praying with every cell in their bodies that she would wake.

Joel gave her a long, paternal kiss to the forehead, tasting the salty sweat that remained on her brow. But that, coupled with his previous plea, was useless. She remained motionless, feeling exactly like the dead-weight she was when he first scooped her up minutes beforehand.

For a brief second, a thought darted across his mind. Had the doctors rolled up her sleeve? Did they see the scar? Did Lare now know _their_ secret? Trying to remain somewhat calm in this moment, which had the synapses in his brain firing every which way, he darted his eyes down to her hoodie. And much to his surprise, miraculously, both sleeves remained pulled down. In fact, the zipper of the thing was still zipped up from earlier when they walked to the health center. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath of relief. At least they had _that_ going for them.

He gently shook her then stroked her cheek with the back of his knuckles as he took a long, loving and caring look at her face. She still had the streak of blood smeared across it from when she saved him earlier. That familiar and pesky lock of hair dangled down the side of it and he brushed the thing behind her ear, his expression turning into a pout as he took in every facet of her endearing features. The curvature of her chin, the adorable collection of freckles, the cute button of her nose, the scar above her eye that always reminded him of how hard, how difficult and painful her childhood had been, but also of how unique, special and _lovable_ she became to him, all tugged on his heart. His lips trembled again, this time more pained, as he let out a whimper. He couldn't hold it back.

He pulled her up higher, burying her nose into the crook of his neck as a few tears began to leak from his eyes and run down his cheeks. He kissed her hair. He gently massaged the back of her head and neck. He held her _so_ close and began to gently rock back and forth, _begging_ \- he never begged - and cooing pleas for her to come back to him.

Lare had never seen a tough, hardened, sometimes almost seemingly _lifeless_ man such as Joel cry, and the sight caused his eyes to burn with tears of his own. The entire spectacle reminded him of losing his son, Kyle.

Joel closed both eyes and sniffled as he pressed his lips to the bridge of her nose, feeling the tickle of her eyelashes against them, then softly pleaded to her.

"C'mon Ellie - wake up baby girl. I know you can hear me sweetie. I know you're there - wake up sweetheart. You have to wake up, you _have_ to," he softly muttered through his trembling lips.

As he rocked her in his arms, he looked over at the group standing nearby in an act of desperation, shooting them a torturous and painful glare, as if he was out of ideas and had nowhere else to turn. Tears _quietly_ ran down his face and into his beard. He dropped his head, planting his brow against her small, delicate chest and began to weep.

"Please... don't do this... after everything you've taken from me, don't take _this_ one away from me - please don't. I can't lose another - I won't... I won't make if I do... oh god, _please,_ " he pleaded as his throat clenched, the words practically hissing through his teeth.

Again, nothing. She lay in his arms motionless. He wasn't sure if she was breathing or her _heart_ was even still beating. He uncorked a painful, soul-crushing sob and clutched her little frame as close to him as he could.

With a quivering hand, he gently placed a palm against her chest, resting the callused thing, which had been responsible for so many deaths, right above her heart. He could just barely feel the weakest of thumps behind the prison that was her rib cage. His hand nearly stretched across the entire half of her chest, a reminder of how small, fragile and _breakable_ she was despite her tough exterior. Then with his other still caressing the back of her head, he pulled her cheek against his as he closed his eyes and whispered into her ear.

"Ellie... oh my little Ellie-bug - my sweet, darlin' girl - my precious, baby girl - I know you can hear me. I _know_ you're there baby. I can't lose you, I just can't. I love you too goddamn much to lose you. It's just that simple. I love you too much an' I ain't gonna lose you like this - c'mon now - you gotta wake up sweet pea - you have to - _come on._ "

He carefully pulled her head away and simply gazed at that innocent, yet troubled and pained little face, muttering, pleading and whispering to her, to himself, each passing second. He increased the pressure of his palm against her chest, as if her heart was the one pulling it tighter against her.

"Come on - come on - come on - _come on_ \- wake up, wake up baby girl - come on."

He felt a thump, this time with a little bit more force, from beneath his palm and his eyes widened. He gasped and he gently shook her again.

"That's it - that's it - come on honey - _come on -_ come back to me sweetie," he said, this time with more volume and angst-ridden anticipation behind his voice.

Then, with even less of a delay than before, he felt another. Then another, then another, as if the life-giving organ was gradually coming back to life.

"Yes, yes, _yes_ \- oh Christ - _come on_ \- you gotta make it baby you have to!" he shouted as tears poured from his eyes.

The rate of her heartbeat increased even more, he could feel it actively coming to life beneath his hand and he tried to heave a deep breath, but couldn't. He was breathless, his lungs refusing to suck in another sip of air until he saw both lids that veiled those tortured, but innocent, greenish-blue eyes flutter open.

 _Thump... thump... thump, thump, thump - thump - thump - thump thump thump thump_

Then it happened. Finally, _mercifully,_ they snapped open, unveiling those big, greenish-blue orbs. Whatever he did, whatever some benevolent being or fate did, kick-started her heart and he couldn't believe that he was staring back into those precious eyes once again. At last, that breath which he so desperately needed, sucked into his lungs as he gasped.

Her mouth dropped agape, her lips trembled as a quiet, hushed gasp of her own tore through her and she simply looked upwards, her eyes already glistening with tears. There he was, her _purpose,_ the one thing she needed to keep on living, to keep on fighting _._ His eyelids looked tired and heavy, extra dark rings carving a circle around them. Tears rolled down his cheeks. His lips were trembling. He looked like the world, anything and everything, was crushing him with so much pressure that even just a tad more and he'd shatter to bits. She'd never seen _this_ look on his face before and it only made her whole body quiver as she let out a whimper. Within seconds, her eyes resumed the waterworks display from earlier as tears renewed the trails that were traced down her cheeks.

"Joel," she softly peeped with a quavering voice, hardly able to believe that what she was seeing was real.

"Oh god Ellie - my baby," he said, the relieved declaration hardly escaping through his breathless voice.

In one violent motion, she shot herself straight up and dove into his arms, wrapping both of hers around his neck. She pressed her nose into his chest and curled into a tiny ball, wanting to feel him envelop every part of her in his embrace. She wiggled closer into his torso, anxiously, terrifyingly, frantically scrambling to press herself against him, any inch of separation too much. With a death-grip around his neck, she clutched him, held him, like he was all she had left.

And dear god was he and she tightened the grasp of her skinny, little arms around his much larger frame as hard as she could.

She felt his wrap around and encase her small self and lovingly hold her like she was the only thing that mattered. And dear _god_ was she. The tension that gripped her muscles rapidly withered away and she simply cried, wailed and _sobbed_ in his arms. It was all she could do. And he let her.

The pain, but the _relief_ behind her cries crushed him and he held her even tighter, rapidly planting kisses to her hair as he clutched her so dearly.

"Oh baby girl - oh Jesus - you're okay... you're okay... we're okay - we're okay honey - oh _fuck!_ " he said as he pressed his cheek against the side of her head.

Her hair was soft, just like it always was. It had that familiar, soothing scent that he'd become so accustomed to, so attached to. So attached to in fact, if he didn't experience it at least once a day he thought part of him was somehow gone or missing.

She tried to speak, but couldn't. She was voiceless, breathless and instead her lips only trembled as she let out another series of convulsive sobs.

"Aaaaaghhh-huh-huh-hughh! Aaaaaggghh! Aaaaaghhh-huh-huh-hughh!" she moaned in his arms.

He brought a hand to the back of her head and began gently massaging her neck and shoulders.

"Oh _god_ sweetie - shh, shh baby - I know, I know honey, I know - it's okay, it's okay - it's okay now... it's okay now," he cooed with a quavering voice as he gave her a long kiss on the cheek.

For minutes she cried and wailed in his embrace while he rocked back and forth. Tenderly, so lovingly, he rubbed her shoulder blades and back, her tiny, bony, little frame nestling perfectly into the safety of his arms. It was her favorite place, her domain like it had been for the past year. Despite her already diminutive size, she felt _even_ smaller, _so_ tiny, yet so _fucking_ safe there. It was the one spot that made her feel _loved,_ wanted, protected and _cherished,_ the one place she learned to call home.

Finally, her tongue and lips were able to mutter the succinctest of peeps. She arched her neck back, rested her chin on his chest and looked up at him with those watering, endearing eyes. So vulnerable, so scared, so relieved, so pitiful, so... _happy_ to see _him,_ she looked. The sight only reminded him of tenderly clutching her face after he held her for the first time in that blazing restaurant at the lakeside resort a year ago. Like then, she looked as if she'd just given _everything_ she had - which he knew was a lot - to beg and plead for him to live and thus was completely exhausted and ready to _give up._ She looked as vulnerable as could be, eagerly awaiting to feel her body give into the strength and protective care of his embrace. It was all she wanted. There was nowhere else in the world she would rather be. And in the weirdest of ways, he almost hated himself, knowing he was the one who just put her through a gauntlet of _hell._

"I - I thought you - " she barely mumbled, her lips trembling and glistening with a combination of tears and saliva that she didn't even care to restrain.

But she couldn't finish. She didn't even want to say that word, _died,_ thinking if it slipped across her tongue she would wake up, as if this was a dream and only to realize he actually was gone and not alive, holding her in his arms like he was in this very moment.

He pulled her head up a bit more, feeling her chin slide against his shirt, then lowered his, pressing their foreheads together, the tips of their noses just barely touching. The warm touch of each other's breath against their cheeks reminded them that perhaps, just maybe, this actually was real, and that they weren't stuck in limbo or some fantastical dream that could end at any moment.

"Shh - no, no, no honey - shh, shh - you didn't... you didn't baby - you didn't. I'm here sweetheart, I'm _right_ here," he whispered.

She gulped and he watched her throat clench up in the corner of his eyes as she did so. She was shaking, practically vibrating from fear and shock. All he could do was hold her even closer, tighter and massage her back, shoulders and arms in hopes to soothe, calm and relax her.

"Is - is this... is this real - are you really here, with me?" she timidly asked in a hushed, breathless awe as she wiggled an arm free and slowly rose a hand to hold his face.

She ran her fingers through his beard, then traced the dainty little things through the canyons of wrinkles engraved into his cheeks. Her small, delicate hand paused as it reached his dark, graying hair and she whimpered, hardly able to believe this - him - was all _real._ That she didn't lose him, that she didn't end up so painfully alone like she thought.

He let loose a light laugh of relief through his tears then rose the fleshy part of his hand to her lips, just like he did the night of her nightmare.

"S-see - go on sweet pea - bite my hand - this here is real, I swear it."

With both of her eyes never once breaking from his, she slowly and gently latched her little teeth onto the rough and callused thing. And just as every part of her wished, nothing happened. She was still here. He was still here. They were still here. _Their purpose_ was still here.

Upon feeling the light, adorable, little bite, he sniffled and couldn't help but smile.

Their gazes never broke from each other's as she loosened the grip of her teeth, then barely tilted her head back, her mouth slightly agape as she sat in his arms in hushed amazement.

"See baby girl?" he asked through another sniffle as he brushed aside a lock of her hair.

Her lips trembled once again as she whimpered. Then in one, violent, but swift motion, she jolted up and buried her nose into the crook of his neck once again only to cry some more.

"Oh god - you're actually - I - oh my god - oh _fuck!" s_ he cried out through another sob, the shout muffled by his neck that she was so firmly nuzzled into.

He closed his eyes again, kissed her hair then rested a cheek against her head.

"Shh, shh - I know, I know my sweet little angel - it's okay... we're okay honey, we're okay... I'm here - I gotcha baby girl, I gotcha," he soothed as he rubbed her back, feeling the touch of her ponytail brushing against his sleeves as she cried.

She tried to clear her throat, only barely able to do so then made another attempt to speak.

"I - I thought you were gone forever... it was horrible - it was... I felt like I was dying, I _wanted_ to... to... to fucking _die!_ " she howled, finishing with another convulsive, chest shaking sob.

"Oh _god_ honey - my baby - no - don't, don't ever!" he stammered back as he rapidly planted a series of kisses on her cheek.

"I can't live without you - I just can't, I can't do it. I really can't, I'm sorry, but it's just not fucking possible - I can't fucking do it," she frantically spouted through a series of sniffles as she shook her head while he continued to hold her tight.

He felt her tears, snot and saliva dragging across the skin of his neck as she spoke, but dear god did he not care in the slightest. Never in a million years would he care, it only made her feel that much more _real._

"I know baby, I know - _believe_ me, I know sweet pea - I know. It's okay, I'm here now, I'm here for good baby. You ain't losin' me."

She tightened the grasp of her arms around his neck and wriggled in his enveloping, protective embrace, trying to press herself even harder against him, until the only separation between their hearts was flesh, bone and the fabric of their shirts. They both felt that wonderful, life-bearing thump from the other through their chests and simultaneously they emitted light, airy laughs through their tears, the two co-dependent souls so relieved to feel life flowing through the other.

"Ohhh I love you - I love you - I love you - I love you. I love you so much, you don't even fucking know," she spouted in his arms and through her crying that just wouldn't quit.

"Oh I _know_ \- I sure as hell know honey. I love you more than the whole goddamn universe combined - more than life itself my sweetest baby girl," he cooed back.

She smiled and let loose another little sob, then took a deep breath and sniffled. She wiped her eyes and cheeks against his shirt, only to uncork another light laugh of relief, her small self still hardly able to believe this was all real.

Roping them back to reality, Lare cleared his throat, reminding them they weren't alone. They didn't care, their eyes still didn't break from one another's but the sound at the very least registered inside their heads.

"Joel, can you walk?" Lare asked, voice quavering and all.

"Oh I can now - you bet your ass I can," he responded with a smile as he looked into his little girl's eyes.

She smiled as well, letting loose yet another airy laugh.

"Go home - get some rest, I'll find someone to cover your shifts for the week. Go on you two," Lare said, patting him on the back in the process.

He simply nodded as another few tears dripped from his eyelids and trickled down his cheeks. Ellie reached up a sleeve and wiped them away before the droplets of salt water made it to his beard.

"You ready to go home my cute little munchkin? Piggyback ride?" he asked as he cupped both of her cheeks with his palms.

Despite the raw, shooting pain in his back from the stitched-up bullet wounds, he wouldn't dare deny her a tender moment of affection and care. Hell, she'd probably break into tiny pieces if he denied her what she so desperately wanted and _needed_ right here and now.

"Uh-huh," she responded with a nod, still hardly able to force the words through her crying.

"Okay - c'mon, here we go," he said, patting her on the back.

But before he could pull away and turn around she tugged on the collar of his shirt, roping him back to her.

"No piggyback - I want up," she demanded softly, almost pitifully, all puppy-eyed like as she looked up at him with a light, shake of the head.

"Aww you want up? Of course sweet pea - c'mere baby, c'mere baby girl - I gotcha," he said as he held out both arms and watched her crawl back into his embrace.

She was never one to give in and let herself sound wanting, _pitiful,_ but dear _god_ that look just killed him when she did. And she _only_ did for him, because she felt safe with him, because she trusted him implicitly, because she _loved_ him. He could hardly contain himself and he let out an airy, tear-filled laugh of his own as he gently slid both hands beneath her armpits. He hoisted her up in his arms and snuggled, cuddled, coddled and held her like she was all he had left in the world.

He palmed the back of her neck then guided her chin to his shoulder and he could just feel the tension and fear leaving her body as she heaved a happy sigh.

"I love you so much," he softly said as he planted another kiss to her cheek.

She managed the smallest of smiles and squeezed her bony, skinny arms around his neck and shoulders. And he squeezed the strong, branch-like arms of his own around her little frame. While he carried her home, they clung to one another like they were all that they had left.

And they were. Somehow, no matter how hard the universe seemed to try, they couldn't be ripped apart. They still had each other. They still had _their purpose._

* * *

He was still carrying her. She was still crying. She nuzzled and wept into him the entire way home, pressing against him and readjusting herself if she ever shifted to the point where she couldn't feel the beat of his heart anymore.

He stepped inside then kicked the front door shut after entering _their_ home. He strutted over to the couch and gently laid down, keeping her lovingly clutched in his arms the whole way down. He pressed his lips into her hair and whispered.

"We're home my little Ellie-bug - my sweetheart."

She closed her eyes, sniffled and smiled, then heaved a happy sigh through her remaining tears as she curled into a tiny ball and wiggled her toes against his jeans.

"Finally. I'm not fucking leaving here for like a year," she mumbled, her voice muffled by his shirt.

"Reckon we can stay as long as you want. But I had a surprise planned for you tomorrow," he said with a sniffle.

"A surprise huh? Oh really now? Well, we'll see... but umm... I meant _here._ You don't get to put me down until I say, okay?" she playfully, but so austerely said as she tapped both of his arms, arching her neck so she could look up at him.

He snickered and gently stroked her hair.

"Tssht - yes ma'am."

She laid her head back down on his chest and heaved another one of her signature, happy, little sighs that he just loved so much to hear.

"You know... " she started.

"Yes darlin'?"

"You really need to stop nearly dying on me... it's not fucking cool dude! Do you know what you just put me through?" she said, her voice quavering once again as a few more tears filled her eyes.

He pressed his lips into her hair and took a deep breath, once again taking in its soothing, familiar scent.

"I know baby, I know - but I didn't. Reckon my ass is still here - gonna take a lot more than two bullets to finish me off. You still got me - I still got you - we're okay," he soothed confidently with a widening smile.

"It fucking better take more than that," she said with a chuckle. "Sooo is... everything okay? Does it hurt a lot?" she asked, her fingers mindlessly fiddling with the collar of his shirt.

"A bit," he said with a grunt, although just the grunt itself and the feel of him told her it hurt way more than he let on. But that was him, always. It was one of the many things she loved about him.

"Fuckers keep trying to take my pops away but they just can't fucking do it can they!?" she boisterously claimed.

He laughed and simply resumed stroking her hair.

"So... uhh..." she muttered.

"Yep?"

"As you would say I umm... kinda have to take a leak," she said shyly.

"Well, go on then, I ain't goin' nowhere - I'll be right here," he said as he unwrapped both arms around her.

She shivered, practically flinched and involuntarily let loose a nervous noise upon feeling the loosening of his embrace.

"Oh no honey, shh - no, no, no - it's okay, it's okay," he soothed, returning his arms to their previous, enveloping position.

She took a deep breath of relief and her smile returned.

"Sweetie you're - " He sighed then kissed her forehead. "You're gonna need your damn privacy."

She let out a guffaw and tightened her grip around him.

"Pssht - I don't fucking care! I don't want you out of my sight... besides, you've seen me naked before - who the fuck cares, sheesh," she stammered, finishing with a playful tone and an eye roll.

Just a few months ago, even _that_ would've been extreme, but now he didn't care in the slightest. She was right, and had it been Sarah curled up in his arms, he would've done anything she asked if it made her feel safe and _happy._

He snickered and squeezed her tighter as he kissed her on the forehead once more. He couldn't hold her close enough in the aftermath of nearly losing each other.

"Fine. But reckon you're lettin' me show you that surprise there missy. Just gimme a week to recover so I can goddamn walk normally - but you ain't gonna talk me outta this one."

She looked up at him again, meeting his eyes with her crystallizing greenish-blues and smiled, all innocent, precious, cute and dainty like.

"Deal," she said, her voice nasal but _finally_ sounding relatively clear and not marred by sobs, cries or sniffles.

He smiled back and brushed aside that usual, pesky lock of hair behind her ear. It was as if suddenly everything was back to normal despite both of them having a brush with death. But how was that any different from usual? No matter how many times the universe tried to pull them apart, it just couldn't do it.

"There's my girl."

A short silence fell between them as they lay on the couch and listened to the gentle fall of rain that just began outside. Water droplets pelted the roof and windows, reminding them that outside in that cold, horrible world were horrors beyond their control, but in here, in their home, they were warm, safe and snuggled up.

"Joel," she spat in that all too familiar tone of hers that he just adored _so_ much.

"Yes baby girl."

"It's not a bottle of antacids is it? I told you not to fucking get me those," she quipped.

He simply laughed and heaved a sigh.

"Reckon you're just gonna have to wait an' see."

* * *

 **AN: Phew! All is well now yes? I hope I made the pain worth it with this one. ;)**

 **There will be one more chapter, but I'm going to take a breather for a few days because of what I just put myself through while churning out these last few. Therefore, it will be up in about a week. What is Joel's surprise for Ellie? Stay tuned for the last, final chapter of the Their Purpose saga to find out!**

 **Thanks all, you're all awesome. Cheers.**


	24. Wildflowers

**AN: Okay, this is it. This is the last one.**

 **After the _second _ line break, please listen to _Wildflowers by Tom Petty _ if you would like to listen to the song I've had in mind for _this_ chapter for a long time now. I can't listen to it anymore without thinking of Joel and Ellie and without getting at least a little choked up. Thank you all again for the feedback and reviews, you've all been awesome.**

 **Alright - *takes a deep breath* - this is it, am I ready for it to end? I don't know... but here we go.**

* * *

A very thin, but wet-to-the-touch mist of fog and a gentle, brisk wind filled the air. Dense, dark, gray clouds formed a thick blanket across the sky, hiding any sliver of blue and dampening the late-morning sun rays. The green of the vegetation, the black and gray of the cement and asphalt and the area's natural colors were muted from the gloomy, but strangely comforting weather. It was chilly, but not too cold, maybe around fifty-five degrees, which was normal for the middle of January in the Northern California region. Of course, there wasn't a flake of snow to be found, something Ellie took delight in every time Joel mentioned it. Although, she'd come to enjoy weather such as this. Overcast skies, lots of dark clouds, perhaps even with the slightest chance of rain, the ambient temperature a tad chilly and a slight breeze in the air tickled her as long as she remained in the comforting and snuggling presence of _him._

She was wearing one of his flannels, and had been since their latest brush with death. She slept in it, woke in it, kept it on throughout all hours of the day, never once discarding the dirty item of clothing in a laundry basket to be washed. Its scent, his scent, and the warm, enveloping, thick fabric that hung to her knees, which had sleeves that extended far past the tips of her fingers, she refused to separate from. Much like the two of them following the other around as if they were each other's shadow, even in their home, going from room to room and staying tied at the hip, wrapping herself in the over sized shirt was deemed as... _necessary._ And he'd be a damn fool if he claimed he didn't get some comfort and satisfaction out of seeing her swaddled in the thing, knowing afterwards it would smell like some combination of dirt, sweat, himself and best of all, _her; them._ They liked it. It brought them closer in a time when they couldn't get _close enough._

She heard the rumbling engine of the truck quiet as he guided it to a stop. Like he asked, she kept her eyes closed once they hopped inside, which was a little over an hour ago.

"Can I open them yet?" she asked, turning her head towards him.

He snickered at the sight of the redhead staring at him from the passenger seat, albeit with both eyes still firmly shut.

"Jesus - you really keep 'em closed the whole ride?"

She proudly lifted her chin and crossed her arms.

"Hell yeah I did! What - you think I'm some kinda amateur when it comes to surprises? Pssht - I'm pro at this shit by now. Besides, what you say goes, right?"

As he turned off the engine and opened the door to step out, he laughed and shook his head.

"Yep - that there's the truth," he responded as he stepped out.

She heard him rustling and shifting about, coupled with the fading volume of his voice as he walked away.

"Hey! What - Joel! Where're you going!?" she stammered nervously.

Even getting a hint that he was stretching the distance between them by more than five feet was terrifying.

"Hang on - hang on, I'm comin' - I'll be right there," he said before walking around to the passenger side door.

He opened it, only to see her now sitting on the edge of her seat and facing him, eyes still closed with both arms eagerly stretched out. A massive grin engulfed her face and she wiggled her fingers, grasping at the air as if to search for him.

"Hey - where... c'mere! Gimme!" she said anxiously as her smile waned, audibly getting worked up from the perceived distance between them.

He was only a few feet away, but she of course had no idea.

"I'm here, I'm here - c'mere you - I gotcha," he said, sliding both hands beneath her armpits to help her out of the truck.

As he hoisted her out, she let loose a happy sigh and her earlier grin returned. He set her down, on her feet, then gently placed both hands on her shoulders.

"Alright now, let's go c'mon - keep walkin' 'til I say so okay? I gotcha, I ain't lettin' go - just keep goin' 'til I say."

"Mmhmm - okay boss!" she replied.

The ground beneath the soles of her sneakers felt rough, as if it was covered in a scattered, thin layer of gravel or loosely compacted dirt, she wasn't sure which. The air and breeze that kissed her cheeks were brisk, almost too cold, but not quite, more refreshing than anything else. The sound of wind blowing by and through her hair filled her ears. There was a certain smell in the air, a scent she'd never smelled before. Not just a smell, but a sound too, a sound that got louder as she walked forward. It was faint at first, but increased in volume after every step. Though she had yet to open her eyes, the other four senses assured her this was a place she'd never been.

They approached the edge of a short cliff and he gave a her a light tug on the shoulder.

"Alright, stop."

She did, and took in a massive, deep breath of fresh air.

"Can I open now!? C'mon! You're _killing_ me here dude!" she whined with a light stamp of her feet.

He laughed, then affectionately wrapped both arms around her torso and hugged her close, pressing his lips against her cheek to give her a paternal kiss as he whispered.

"Open 'em up baby girl."

Right away, she peeled both eyelids open.

Her eyes, those big, bright, beaming greenish-blue eyes, crystallized and she gasped. Her mouth gradually dropped agape, and as he leaned his head to the side to see her face, she turned to look at him, bright eyed and in awe.

"Joel - oh my - " she said in quiet, hushed amazement.

She looked forward again and tried to take in everything that lay before her.

"It's... oh my god - Joel - I don't even - " she mumbled in awe, pausing as she let out an airy, slightly teary laugh.

"What you think?" he asked as he stepped beside her and pulled her close, tucking her under his armpit.

She sniffled and wrapped both arms around his waist, planting the side of her head against his torso.

"It's... fucking... _beautiful._ You can't... you _can't_ deny that view," she said, looking up at him with an endearing, teary smile as she finished.

He simply smiled in response and returned her gaze while massaging her outside arm.

Sprawling before them was a beach, extending far to the left and right. The crashing waves, the sea-foam, the wet sand and water all lay no more than fifty yards away. The sand was a light, faded brown, like a muted beige, just how she imagined it for so long. Another cold gust of wind blew by, flapping the bottom of _his_ flannel that hung just above her knees in the air. The wind, the crashing, rolling sound of the waves, the fabric of the flannel fluttering in the wind, his voice, her voice, those were the only sounds they heard. Not another thing, living or dead, was nearby. It was just them. Just them and the vast expanse of the pacific ocean fronted by a beach that she'd only seen in her mind while lost in her thoughts during their long, torturous, trying and epic journeys.

"The water... it's... not as... you know - blue as you see in pictures," she said, still in awe with her eyes as wide as a full moon.

He cleared his throat and made a face, as if he was disappointed in himself that he didn't bring her on a day that would've been _perfect_ and _exactly_ right. That's all he wanted, was this moment to be perfect and exactly right for _her._ She - no, they - had suffered so much, been through hell and back, trekked on _foot,_ from one side of the country all the way to the other, together, tied at the hip every step of the way, and he'd be damned if he didn't get _this_ just right for her. This moment, right here, he simply wanted to be a pure reincarnation of whatever image or vision she had in that auburn haired head of hers.

"Yeah... I know, reckon it's... the weather ain't good today. Cloudy, cold, windy... a bit gloomy an' dark - but I guess that's how it is around here in the winter," he said, finishing with a sigh, which hinted at his disappointment

But for some reason, the response widened her smile. She looked back up at him, all puppy-eyed like, emitting a gaze that just told him there was nowhere else she would rather be, and _no one else_ that she would rather be with.

"Isn't that how it always is for us though?" she softly, rhetorically asked.

"What you mean?" he responded with a tilt of the head and an eyebrow arch.

"Well... I mean, look at this," she said, looking back out onto the ocean horizon as far as her eyes could see, all the way to the point where the curvature of the earth was noticeable.

"It's fucking amazing, gorgeous, beautiful... even _with_ those things. That's how it always is for us, right? No matter how dark or how gloomy it's still... amazing. Because it's... it's... perfect in every way. _Those_ fucking things make it _better,_ don't they?" she continued.

He couldn't respond, instead he only felt his lips, which seconds ago were frowning out of frustration, shifting into a glowing smile. Only she, his little girl, could make him feel happy, light and not bogged down by the weight of the world, and so... dare he thought, _carefree._

"Because it's just... it's _us._ Because it's you - _my_ pops - and me... I dunno - it's... _exactly_ like I imagined it. It's... it's fucking _perfect,_ " she softly said, looking up at him with a look, which melted him in place right then and there as her fingers fiddled with his sleeves.

He shook his head and sniffled in reaction, forcing the tears, which were burning his eyeballs, to scurry away. But oh how right she was. Darkness, fear, cold, doom and gloom seemed to follow them every which way, but within each other, they discovered an abundance of light. And _that_ made up for _all_ of it, masking all of the horrors and giving them a sense that world still retained an ounce of something precious and beautiful.

She was absolutely right. The weather, the cloudy sky, the light fog and cold ambient temperature only made it _perfect._ For them.

Her eyes were still beaming up at him, glistening with a hint of tears and he cupped both of her cheeks then gave her a long, affectionate kiss to the forehead.

"It _is_ perfect, ain't it?" he softly asked, looking deep into her eyes.

"Uh-huh," she said through a sniffle, coupled with a nod and diffident smile.

"Can... can we go down? To the water?" she asked timidly, unsure of what he would say.

He wiped his eyes and snickered.

"Yes - of course sweet pea."

Like he would ever deny her of that. A ridiculous question it was, but it only further demonstrated the naivety and innocence that bubbled under the surface of her hardened, wise and mature-beyond-her-years outer shell.

She wiped her eyes as well and smiled, letting loose a light laugh.

"Awesome! Fuck yeah," she softly exclaimed.

"Let me grab all our crap real quick here," he said as he reached inside the cab of the truck and began collecting their things.

She didn't let go of his hand, tugging on it in fact to pull him back to her. The resistance made him pause, and he turned around to see another endearing, almost _begging_ like expression across her face. He knew what she wanted, she didn't have to say. And she _knew_ he knew, but she spoke regardless.

"Unh-unh," she muttered with a shake of the head.

"Ellie, we gotta grab everything in case there's - "

"Shh. Stop," she implored as she pulled on his arm even harder, tugging him further away from the truck.

Once again, her fingers began absentmindedly toying with the sleeves of his shirt and she dropped her head, glanced at the ground then cleared her throat before meeting his stare with hers.

"There's _nothing_ else around. It's just us. I don't want..." She sighed. "No guns, no knives, no bullets, no bombs, no crowbars... please, just this one time. Can we pretend we don't need any of it, just this once?" she softly pleaded, her lower lip bulging out as she forced a pout.

A particularly brisk gust of wind from the ocean breeze blew by, nipping at their cheeks and pulling on the loose strands of her hair. But that look, that little look was irresistible. And he'd be a damn fool if he chose to _ruin_ this moment, which he wanted to be perfect for her. He took a quick glance around, seeing nothing but sand, the waves, some coastal vegetation and plant life. There were no Bandits, no Hunters, no Infected, no Fireflies. There was nothing, just them. He smiled and nodded as he messed with her hair.

"You got it. None of that. Let's go - c'mon," he said, grabbing a hold of her hand.

A narrow, steep path winded down the short cliff, ending at the beginning of the sprawling beach. He guided them down it, holding her hand every step of the way and hearing her laugh, giggle and gasp at anything and everything she saw on the way down. Those sounds, her laughs, like he'd come to realize long ago, were the greatest sounds in the _universe_ to him. He loved them, it meant she was actually... _happy,_ even if only in the current moment.

They reached the sand, their feet sinking into its depths. The beach looked far bigger and more endless than it did from up above, on the edge of the cliff face. The ocean and small, rolling waves weren't far and she let out a happy, little noise of delight.

"Woah! The sand - it feels so weird! It's like... soft or something - like I'm sorta sinking. Doesn't it Joel?" she asked with a massive grin across her face, a grin that made no attempt to veil her bursting-at-the-seams excitement.

He laughed and began taking off his boots and socks.

"It sure does. Now go on, take off your shoes - just wait until you feel it beneath your bare feet."

Her smile widened, the whites of her teeth showing and right away she gleefully ripped off her shoes and socks in seconds. Being barefoot outside the comfort of their home was strange and felt like the ultimate luxury. It meant not worrying. It meant being carefree, even if only slightly. She firmly dug both feet into the sand, the cute, dainty little things shifting, squirming and contracting as she explored and discovered the coarse, but soft material beneath them. She wiggled her toes, grinding clumps of the stuff in between them then let out a gasp.

"Oh my god... the sand between my toes, just like you said it's... this is so fucking awesome!" she exclaimed, immediately reaching for his hand again.

The ocean, the sand, _this,_ was only awesome if she experienced it all with him, her _purpose._

"Sure is - now roll up your jeans - don't want 'em gettin' wet," he instructed as he did the same, the rolled up cuffs of his jeans unmasking a series of scars and scabs that littered the surface of his hairy shins and calves.

She obeyed, unveiling her pale, skinny, little calves, which were always hidden within her jeans when they were out of their home. She straightened her back, pushed out her chest, closed both eyes and took a deep breath of fresh air, the refreshing, ocean breeze filling her lungs.

"Man - you weren't kidding when you said it has like a... certain smell to it. I don't know how else to describe it other than just... I dunno - ocean," she said with a shrug.

"Told ya."

"But it's fucking awesome," she continued with a smile.

"Tssht - it sure is."

She perked up and pulled her hand away, hopping, skipping, bouncing a few steps ahead before turning around to face him, the vast view of the ocean creating a perfect backdrop behind her.

"Race you to the water!" she boisterously said.

He laughed.

"Alright - you're on kiddo," he responded.

And before he could even take his first step, she was already happily running, sprinting, dashing and galloping towards the water with arms stretched out in a carefree manner. Clouds of sand kicked up from her heels while the long, dangling tail of his flannel flapped in the wind, splaying out like a cape behind her. He stopped and took a moment to take a mental picture of the sight before him, which he hoped he would remember forever. He'd never seen his Ellie, his little girl, so carefree, so happy, so childlike, so _fucking_ adorable and dear god did he _love_ every second of it. Ironically, that moment, when they _first_ met back in Boston, when they seemed to have such a mutual disdain for one another, darted across his mind.

"From where we started, how in the hell did we make it this far? How in the hell are we _here,_ after _everything_?" he asked himself as he watched her dart across the sand towards the water.

He watched her come to a stop and turn around, thus igniting his lumbering, limping gait across the sand. He moved as quick as he could, but he never was able to run full speed since the nail bomb incident in Jackson gashed his leg with a piece of shrapnel.

She threw both arms up in the air, stood on the tips of her toes atop the much harder, more stable, wet sand and yelled at the top of her lungs.

"Hey! Hurry up you slow poke! Come on man! You gotta see this!"

He could just barely make out her voice across the beach and through the wind. Finally, he caught up to her, then draped an arm over her shoulder and pulled her close as she snuggled into his torso, the two of them gazing across the ocean, towards the horizon as far as they could see. Their toes and bare feet were inches from the trickling water that could barely crawl its way up the bank during a wave's waning moments of life. Another chilly gust of wind blew through them, causing her to slightly shiver and wiggle closer into him as they simply took in the magnificent sight before them.

He lowered his head and kissed her hair.

"Gettin' cold sweetie?" he asked as he held her tight in attempt to keep her arm.

A timid smile stretched across her lips.

"Only a bit... but I wanna feel the water," she said sheepishly.

He laughed and loosened his grip around her.

"Alright then, go on - stick your feet in there... it's gonna be cold - I'm warnin' you now."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah... I'm not coming _this_ far without at least being able to say I've touched the pacific ocean," she said over her shoulder as she slowly, almost hesitantly, strutted to the shallow water on the bank.

He rested both hands on his hips and again laughed at her trepidation about the whole ordeal.

"C'mon now - don't be a damn chicken about it! Just go get it done! It'll be just fine trust me!" he sportively shouted to her.

"Pssht - I am _not_ a fucking chicken! But... mmmmmmmm... okay here we go I guess," she shouted back before bending her knees to reach down and glide a delicate, little hand through the chilly saltwater.

"Oh! Look out! Here comes one!" he playfully shouted as he pointed to a wave, which was sneakily making its way onto the shore.

Suddenly, the small wave rolled onto the bank, catching her by surprise. It furiously washed forward and submerged her feet, splashing her legs and the rolled up cuffs of her jeans in the process.

"Hhhhoooohhhp!" she shrieked in a high-pitched voice with an inhale.

He couldn't help but smile and laugh once more at the adorable, endearing sound.

"Ohhhhh man! Fuck that's cold! Holy shit!" she yelped as she frantically ran on the tips of her toes back to him, trying to keep her feet from getting any colder and wetter.

They were red and stung from the biting cold, the petite things already going numb from the water that she was sure must have been near freezing temperatures.

"I told ya!" he said as he extended both arms out, awaiting her arrival.

She dove into them, feeling them immediately wrap around her little frame. A shiver rippled through her and she looked up at him with a beaming smile, despite the current state of her feet, legs and wet jeans.

"There, I did it! I've been _in_ the fucking ocean!" she proudly exclaimed.

He chuckled and rubbed her back and bony, sharply angled shoulder blades, returning her smile with one of his own.

"You sure did - how's it feel?"

She shivered again and nuzzled into his shirt before mumbling her response.

"Cold. My feet are so cold it hurts," she said with a forced pout.

She only pouted around _him,_ no one else. And strangely, she did it more for him, knowing it would trigger his deeply embedded paternal instincts to _take care_ of her. Which of course, conveniently, was something both of the mutually co-dependent beings couldn't get enough of.

"I know, let's go find a place to sit then I'll wrap 'em up alright?"

"Uh-huh, okay," she said, her ponytail following the motion of her nod with that all-too-familiar and lovable bob and bounce.

They found a nearby, large rock, which jutted through the sand, to lean against. They sat down and right away he took off his flannel and wrapped her feet in it to keep them warm. Though it would now be filled with wet sand, salt and water, he couldn't even begin to care if he tried.

"Aren't you gonna be cold?" she asked while watching him wrap her feet in the thick, warming fabric.

The sensation was delightful and right away she smiled and heaved a happy sigh, already feeling her feet coming back to life.

"Nah - I'll be alright," he responded as he leaned against the rock, stretching both legs out in front of him.

"Okay good... 'cause uhh... I'm not letting you take this thing off my feet now," she said with an impish grin.

"Tssht - I figured you'd like that," he snickered with a shake of the head.

He watched another shiver course through her as she sat cross-legged in the sand, only a few feet away from him. She tried to smile, but wrapped both arms around herself in an attempt to keep warm, even with the over sized flannel that swaddled her small frame.

"Ohhh c'mere honey - my cute, little Ellie-bug," he cooed as he leaned forward to pull her into his arms.

Her head perked up and a genuine smile engulfed her face, the dimples of her cheeks like canyons, upon feeling his hands slide under her armpits and lift her up. He set her down in front of him, allowing her to nestle in his arms and between his legs. She leaned back and rested her head against his chest, just beneath his chin.

He wrapped both arms around her, snuggling, cuddling and coddling her, then kissed her hair. He snickered to himself, knowing he had the world's most precious, little creature in his arms. The cure for mankind, unbeknownst to every soul remaining on planet earth, safely sat in his embrace. She was so special, so unique, so _tough,_ rugged and _strong_ for such a small girl. But feeling her tiny frame shift and wiggle in his protective, loving and enveloping arms as she pressed up against him, only reminded him of how innocent, vulnerable, delicate and _breakable_ she still was, knowing she was _letting_ herself finally be the small child she never got to be. And that she was _letting_ him take care of her, _letting_ him hold her. Because she needed it. Because she wanted it. Because she _loved_ it. Because she knew he loved and would _never_ hurt her. Because she loved him.

Love, now that was something neither thought they'd experience in the current state of the harsh world.

"Better?"

She closed her eyes and smiled again, heaving another happy sigh.

"So much better."

"Good," he said with a smile as he rested a cheek against the side of her head.

"What's out there? I mean like... _way_ out there. If we were to just swim straight, where the hell would we end up?" she asked, gazing into the vast expanse of the dark and gloomy, but still beautiful and mystifying ocean.

"Reckon we'd end up somewhere in Asia, but... hell if I know to be honest."

"Wow," she said in hushed awe. "That's so far. I wonder how people out there are doing... do you think there's some like us?"

"I'm sure there is - but who knows to be honest... damn virus hit the whole world pretty hard."

"Yeah," she said with a deep sigh.

He cleared his throat and tenderly shifted himself. She felt his whole body tense and shudder and just knew that gruff, wrinkled face right above her head was wincing in discomfort.

"How's your back?" she asked, arching her neck and tilting her head back to look up at him.

He snorted, realizing she caught him wincing and squirming from the throbbing pain, which remained even after a week, then gave her a kiss on the forehead before responding.

"Aches like hell, I'll tell you that. But I'll live."

Weirdly, she smiled. But more because of his openness about the pain, instead of watching him try to awkwardly bury it away and thus hide it from her. Like he used to do for so long. Another nippy gust of wind blew through their hair, the whispering sound of it coupled with a crashing wave, which was rolling onto the bank.

"Can you believe how far we've come? I mean just really... _think_ about it. After everything we've dealt with and been through, can you believe we're actually... _here?_ " she said, wiggling, shifting and nestling closer against him within the warming nest of his limbs.

"I know... it's... reckon it's pretty damn crazy when you think about it."

"It really is. I mean, we started on the fucking east coast - in Massachusetts- and now we're here, in California, sitting on the beach at the very edge of the country. It's fucking awesome, but also just... _insane,_ isn't it!? We've come so far - and mostly on foot Joel! Remember when we first met in Boston!?" she asked, her voice increasing in volume and excitement as she fondly remembered that first day when fate brought them together.

"Of - of course I do. I won't ever forget," he replied with a light chuckle.

"Pssht - I thought you were kind of a dick and such a stubborn ass," she said with that impish, antagonizing laugh of hers.

"An' I thought you were a stubborn, annoyin' little brat," he retorted with a laugh of his own.

She sighed and smiled.

"Yeah... but now... here we are," she softly said, resting both hands atop his thick, hairy forearms.

"Yep. Here. We. Are," he replied, the two of them still gazing out as far as they could see towards the ocean horizon.

"But really... it's so fucking crazy to think about. I mean, remember getting out of Boston?"

"'Course."

"Then Pittsburgh... oh man! Remember that bookstore where you killed like twenty hunters!? Oh! And - and that stupid truck!? God - I fucking hated that thing!"

He snorted and laughed, though part of him was tickled by her appreciation of his handiwork when it came to killing, no... surviving. Whether he would admit it or not at the time, he did _all_ of it for _her._

"Yes ma'am - reckon that was uhh... pretty damn close for us back there."

"Hell yeah it was. And then we _finally_ made it to Jackson - my god that felt like it took forever," she said with a groan and an eye roll before blowing one of her signature raspberries.

"It sure did. Hell, sometimes I thought we'd never get there."

"Me too. But, we did," she said with a shrug while absentmindedly running a finger across his war-torn and scarred knuckles. "Then you... you tried to leave me - dump me off onto Tommy." Her voice went soft and a pout washed over her face, her lower lip bulging out like an over-inflated balloon.

He cringed, gritted his teeth and felt his heart skip a beat. Just that thought alone, that he was _this_ close to leaving her behind and thus ensuring the past year _never_ would've occurred, made him sick to his stomach. He clutched her tighter, gently rubbed her belly with a large palm and planted his lips against her hair.

" _Christ_ Ellie... I - I can't think about that sweetheart. Baby I'm... I was an asshole, I'm so sorry."

Apologizing. Now that... that was foreign territory for him. He rarely apologized for anything since Sarah perished in his arms and thus force his eyes to witness her soul leave her body as she died. He only apologized to Ellie, his sweet, little, baby girl, and he'd apologize a million times over if it meant keeping her in his protective embrace.

She arched her neck and tilted her head back once more to look into his eyes. Hers were big, round, glistening with the faintest of tears and her frown slowly inverted into a small, delicate smile. A fragile smile that would shatter to bits right then and there if he even jested about abandoning her.

"But you _didn't_ leave me. You didn't do it. I remember when you grabbed my hand and pulled me up onto your horse, when we left Jackson for the university, I... I just _knew_ that was it, that you'd never... you know - never leave me," she softly said, her voice trailing off with an adoring, lovable look in her eyes.

"Oh honey," he cooed, gazing down at her as he gently stroked her cheek with the side of a thumb.

"Guess I should've known you weren't gonna let me die with the Fireflies huh?"

He smiled and lowered his head to kiss the bridge of her nose.

"Not a chance in hell there missy."

She smiled back and curled both hands around his forearms, firmly holding onto them. She felt safer like that, more secure, as if she could hang onto them for support and stability of any kind at any moment.

He cleared his throat.

"You know, when we first got to Jackson - on our way to Salt Lake - when Tommy an' I were talkin' while you were with Maria, I told him I'd been on uhh... quite the adventure - or some crap like that."

A faint smile stretched across his lips as he remembered the moment with his brother and he let out a light, humored grunt, almost a laugh but not quite.

"And?" she asked.

"Well, he said somethin' along the lines of - 'I reckon it's got somethin' to do with that girl' - I think. An' I remember just sayin'... 'Oh, it's got _everything_ to do with that little girl.'"

Her face lit up. She emitted a light laugh and wiggled even closer into him, pressing her bony shoulder blades into his chest.

"Who knew how... _right_ that was. Just know I ain't ever leavin' you baby girl. Ever. You're never endin' up alone - I promise you that."

"I know," she responded before heaving a heavy sigh. "But Joel..."

"Yes darlin'?"

"What's like... the meaning of life - or the purpose of our lives now? What do we do now? I dunno if that makes any fucking sense but... you know what I mean?" she asked as she scrunched her face.

"'Course it makes sense - I sure as hell know what you mean. Remember what I said?"

"What's that?"

"You just gotta find your damn purpose in life an' cling to it. In this shit world, reckon things don't have a habit of stickin' around these days, good or bad, so when you find somethin'... " He sighed and gave her a gentle, loving squeeze. "When you find somethin' that keeps you goin' - keeps you draggin' your ass outta bed in the mornin' or... somethin' to fight for, you just... never let it go."

"So fucking true," she quietly said under her breath with a slow nod of the head.

He sighed again, then cleared his throat before speaking, his voice quavering ever so slightly.

"Ellie, baby, if I haven't already said it, I'm gonna say it now 'cause... to hell with it. I want you to know... you're my whole damn reason for livin'. _You_ are my purpose baby girl. Your well-being, your happiness, your safety, _you,_ that's why I get up in the mornin' darlin'. I found meanin' in life in - " He paused and let out an airy laugh as he stretched a hand up and over her shoulder to wipe his brow. "In you. You brought me back from the dead, brought my sorry ass back to life. Reckon I thought I'd never feel... much of anything again. Much less... hell... _love_ like this, like I did with Sarah... _ever._ I mean... if I'm bein' honest, I wake up every mornin' just to take care of you, to make sure you're warm, happy, safe, go to bed with a full belly of food an' are... just... _loved_. Like you've deserved all this time during your whole, damn, painful life sweet pea."

In one, swift, but awkward motion, she wriggled free and spun around in his arms, a newly crashing wave providing a perfect backdrop for the image of the little redhead resting on her heels before him. Her cheeks and the button of her nose were rosy, slightly red from the chilly, January, ocean wind, but she was smiling like the brightest star in the universe. Upon meeting his gaze with hers, she stared deep into those dark, brown eyes that housed years and years of pain and suffering. He was always so laconic, so short with words and simply let his actions speak for themselves, actions that always silently told her how much he cared for and loved her. But actually _hearing_ him express all of... _that,_ melted her into a puddle. A puddle that would soon trickle down the sandy bank only to unite with the rest of the ocean.

She gulped, trying to make the lump forming in her throat scurry away.

"Joel - I... oh _god -_ I... _thank you._ For everything. I don't even - I never knew what - " She paused and bit her lower lip, trying to articulate the multitude of emotions and thoughts that were raging in her head as another chilly gust blew the stray bangs of her hair in the wind. "I never knew what being held - like, _really_ being held - felt like, or what it meant to feel... important, wanted and... loved... until you came along," she said with a teary-eyed smile and a sniffle.

He rubbed her back with one hand and pushed aside her usual, pesky bangs with the other.

"I told you, we gotta make up for lost time. You're my purpose an' whole damn reason for livin' - don't you ever forget that," he said with a smile as he gently held both sides of her face.

"I won't - I promise. And you are too - _seriously,_ you're... as you said, my whole fucking purpose at this point. I can't imagine what any day would be like without you - I can't live without you - my pops - I've accepted that," she replied, an airy, strained tone in her voice.

"Neither can I. An' it kills me to think of my sweet, little Ellie-bug goin' to bed hungry, cold an' afraid," he said with with care and a pout.

"Well I don't anymore," she softly replied with a shy smile.

"I love you _so_ much sweetheart. Don't ever let anyone or anything convince you otherwise," he said as he delicately pulled her forehead to his lips.

"I won't. Aaaannd... don't you try and get rid of me again, 'cause it's not gonna fucking work. I'm glued to you for the rest of your life whether you like it or not!" she said austerely, but with a vulnerable, almost timid expression.

As if he would ever try to get rid of her again, what a ridiculous notion that was.

"I wouldn't dare dream of it an' I wouldn't want it any other way. You're my - " He kissed the bridge of her nose.

"Little." He kissed her left cheek.

"Baby girl, my sweet, little angel." He kissed her right cheek, then smiled as he looked into the eyes of this small, tiny, auburn haired girl that he'd come to love so dearly as if she were his own.

And dear god did he come to _assume_ she was.

A tearful, light giggle emitted from her little frame and she smiled before diving into his chest, nuzzling into his shirt.

"I love you too pops - so much," she said through a happy sigh, feeling his arms wrap around her once more.

She was safe there. She was protected, adored, cherished and _loved_ in that favorite place of hers. She raised her head from his shirt and the depths of his embrace, resting her chin on his chest as she looked up at him with another endearing, heart-tugging expression.

"You know this is my favorite place on earth, right?" she asked.

His lips gave way to a smirk and he chuckled to himself.

"What - the beach?" he asked, trying to be coy, though of course he knew exactly what she meant.

"No! You _know_ what," she declared with a playful leer.

"I - I know. Well, my little Ellie - an' _only_ my little Ellie - is welcome anytime, reckon whenever she wants," he replied with a light laugh.

Her smile returned and she planted a cheek against his chest. A short silence fell between them as they simply sat snuggled together, listening to the ocean breeze and sound of waves crashing onto the shore.

"Joel, do you think I've grown at all? Since leaving Jackson," she spoke up, her voice muffled by his shirt.

He sighed and began gently stroking her hair the back of his knuckles.

"Don't think so kiddo... as far as I'm concerned you're still light as a damn feather when I pick you up."

She frowned and peeped a small, disappointed noise.

"Oh don't be like that, you'll grow someday, I promise. Remember what Anne said? You're just... growin' a bit slower, that's all - nothin' wrong with that," he said as he pulled her chin up with a finger to look her in the eyes, trying to evoke another smile from her lips.

"Yeah and at least... you know, you can still pick me up and carry me and give me piggyback rides and... stuff - I love that," she said with an almost embarrassed, light chuckle.

He snickered as well.

"I - I know you do sweet pea, I like 'em too. But is... everything uhh... workin' as intended? No issues lately? No surprises? I know we're doin' a good job about keepin' my baby fed - my little Ellie-bug still eats like a goddamn horse," he said with a grin.

"Yeah, everything's fine so far... no problems just still... small," she sheepishly replied with a small shrug.

"Good. An' that's _nothin'_ to be ashamed of - like you said, you grow too much an' I won't be able to curl you up in my arms anymore."

She let out a guffaw.

"Well... shit! We wouldn't want that now would we!?"

"Reckon we sure wouldn't."

"But umm... you know I don't _need_ you to take care of me, right? I just... I like it," she sternly said, finishing with a softer, almost diffident tone as she wrapped both hands together, giving him a puppy-eyed look.

"Of course, I know you don't need it. But I sure as hell know you _love_ it," he replied with a wink as he tenderly pinched her nose.

She smiled and scrunched her face in reaction to the gentle pinch, lightly shaking her head to wiggle free from the grasp of his thumb and finger. But then her head drooped, her face still scrunched up as if she were pondering something while her fingers still fiddled with his forearm and the sleeve of his t-shirt in some way.

"But Joel..."

"Hmm?"

"When I do grow up... when I do get older... will you - "

"Shh," he said, interrupting her as he pressed a finger against her lips. "I know what you're gonna say."

The scrunch in her face disappeared and she smiled again, because he really did _always_ know what was going on in that head of hers. He'd come to learn the ways of her mind and body quite well. So well in fact, sometimes she thought he knew better than she did.

"I will always love you. No matter what the hell happens, you'll always be my sweet, little, baby girl, my... _daughter,_ I don't care how tall or how old you get honey."

"You promise?" she asked.

Once again, her fear of abandonment reared its ugly head. Whether she knew it or not, the question was absurd. He needed her just as much as she needed him. He would never leave her. Ever.

" _Yes._ An' you can bet your skinny little butt that that's a promise I ain't ever gonna break."

She grinned happily, heaved a sigh of relief then nuzzled back into his shirt as she wiped her nose.

"So... how do you think Jackson's holding up? Do you think Tommy and Maria are doing okay?" she asked.

He heaved a heavy, guilt-ridden sigh.

"Boy I hope so. Tommy better be treatin' her right too."

"Yeah... they were good people," she said.

"Yeah... reckon they really were."

"So how'd you know about this place anyway? The beach I mean," she asked as her fingers mindlessly poked and prodded the rough, scarred skin of his forearms.

"Ohhh... Lare told me about it. I said I'd do extra tower shifts if he let me borrow one of them trucks for the day."

"You mean _we_ will do extra tower shifts!" she boisterously pronounced.

"Tssht - yeah, yeah, yeah."

"Sooo... we're gonna stay in Napa right? I mean, we like it here... right?" she asked, straining her neck to look up at him once more.

He laughed.

"Yes - reckon _we_ do indeed."

He cleared his throat and couldn't help but feel a mischievous grin engulf his face.

"Hey - I got somethin' else for ya," he said as he slithered a hand into one of his pockets.

"Oh? Another surprise?" she asked with a bright-eyed, delightful, little smile as she lifted herself up from his torso, sitting back on her heels once again in between his legs.

"Reckon that would be the case here missy," he replied with a wink.

He pulled out his hand and opened his palm, unveiling a small, brightly colored, circular tablet. It was foreign, something she'd never seen before, but a spark went off in her head, as if she had an inclination, and her mouth dropped agape.

"Is that what I think it is!?" she exclaimed, wide eyed and all.

He simply smirked and chuckled in response.

"It's a fucking antacid! Isn't it!?" she shouted as she crossed both arms and leered at him.

He couldn't help but break into roaring laughter, feeling all too proud of himself.

"It - it sure is. Merry belated Christmas baby girl," he said through his chuckles.

"Okay... I know I told you not to get me one of those fucking things, but now... it's actually kinda funny. 'Cause, you know... it's become like... a _thing,_ " she said, her leer quickly fading as a humored smile stretched across her lips.

"Well, I told you I was gonna get you a Christmas present... figured the beach an' - " He paused and laughed again, hardly able to contain himself. "An' an _antacid_ was a great gift for my little Ellie."

"The beach awesome... but that fucking thing? C'mon Joel... I'd say you're one for two on the gift front," she sportively replied, although she was more than tickled at the thought that someone, specifically _he,_ got her a Christmas gift of any kind, no matter what it entailed or how belated it was.

"Not even one-an'-a-half?"

"Fine, I'll give you the half as a freebie. One-and-a-half... at best."

He rose to his feet and wiped away the sand from his jeans and smiled down at her.

"Well, hold your horses now, Christmas ain't over _just_ yet. Let's get your skinny little butt back in the truck. I got one more thing waitin' for you back at the compound," he said as he lifted her by the armpits and picked her up, cradling her in his arms like one would a small child.

He was right, she still felt as delicate and light as a feather.

Her eyes went wide. Her head perked up with an innocent, adorable smile and she wrapped both arms around his neck as he adjusted her little self in his embrace.

"Ohhh man, really!? Well, what the hell is it? C'mon, tell me!" she said with excitement and glee, wiggling in his arms as he carried her across the beach, back to the truck.

"Unh-unh - it's a surprise dammit. But I reckon we're gonna make it two-an'-a-half outta three."

* * *

They entered the local tavern, hand in hand, only to be greeted by a large crowd. Including themselves, there must have been a few dozen people all packed into the small establishment. Old, creaky wooden chairs and tables densely packed the floor, the seating area backed by a stage. Standing atop the stage were a few musicians, including Lare who stood at the front with a guitar in hand.

Her nerves already began to tingle from the sensory overload. Her gut twisted into a knot and she gulped, gripping his hand even harder.

"Joel... what the fuck are we doing here," she spat through a whisper.

"I told you - it's a surprise, now just hang on. You're doin' fine."

She watched him and Lare give each other a nod, as if the old man was acknowledging his expected arrival.

With apprehension and angst filling her to the brim, she simply let him pull her across the floor, until they stood in front of every table and mere feet from the stage. She peeked over her shoulder to see the collective, piercing stare of eyeballs and gulped again.

Lare spoke into the microphone, causing the entire crowd to immediately quiet.

"So, tonight we've got something special from one of our newest additions. Maybe some of you have seem him and his little girl, maybe you haven't. But they've been through a lot - more than anyone I know - so please give a warm welcome to Joel Miller."

The crowd gave a small cheer, then immediately went quiet again, the mass of eyes and ears waiting for Joel to take the stage.

He simply turned to Ellie and gave her a big, all-too-proud-of-himself smile.

She pulled on his hand, eyes wide, mouth agape and confused as could be.

"Joel! What the _hell_ are you - don't fucking leave me down here standing all alone like a weirdo!" she stammered through another whisper.

He lowered his lips and kissed her forehead.

"Shhhh. Everything's gonna be just fine. Just take a deep breath an' relax - trust me," he said as he gently rubbed her chin with a finger.

He hopped up onto the stage then sat on a small stool that stood just behind the microphone. His eyes danced in their sockets, examining the crowd before him until finally settling on the guitar that Lare left leaning against a nearby bench. He picked it up and took a deep breath. Then a short, almost nervous, clearing of his throat blared into the microphone - was he actually nervous? She rarely saw him nervous, but as she rigidly stood there with both arms crossed, feeling more self-conscious than she had in years, he seemed to be nervous, even if only slightly. But somehow, for some strange reason, this time, it actually put her at ease.

"So uhh... this one here I've known for a long time - some of you from before the outbreak might know it. An' I wanna dedicate it to someone who changed my life. Someone who reminded me of why we keep on livin' - why we keep on fightin'. Someone who taught me how to feel again. Someone who gave me - " He paused and gave a slow nod as his brain fumbled around for the right word. " _Purpose,_ " he finally said.

Then, his eyes shifted from some random point in the crowd, down to her. They were _barely_ glistening with tears. Tears that he was struggling to hold back. And just that sight alone caused hers to water as well and she felt... _breathless_ while anticipating his next words.

The crowd was hushed, silent as could be and his deep voice rippled through the speakers.

"Ellie, my sweet, baby girl, this one's for you," he said, before closing his eyes and taking another deep breath.

Without further delay, his fingers began plucking and strumming the strings of the guitar, his foot lightly tapping the floor to keep a beat.

* * *

The sound, the music and notes were _stunning_ to her ears and she felt her throat clench up. Awestruck, enchanted and open-mouthed, she fidgeted and awkwardly shifted her feet. Suddenly, she felt her eyes and mind focusing only him, his voice and the sound of the guitar, nothing and no one else, not even the multitude of gazes that she just knew were staring at her - _them -_ from behind. Though he hadn't sang any of the lyrics yet, or had yet to ever _really_ play the guitar for her, somehow, she recognized what it was. She just seemed to know and she gasped, teary-eyed and all as the first, soothing, string of lyrics left his serenading lips.

"You belong among the wildflowers  
You belong in a boat out at sea  
Sail away, kill off the hours  
You belong somewhere you feel free"

The whole crowd gave a quiet, appreciative cheer and clap, most of them recognizing it right away as something from before the outbreak. But she was still voiceless, breathless, motionless, unable to move. It was the song he sang to her so many times before. The one he sang while comforting her after she was nearly once again sucked into the black hole that was sexual assault in Steamboat Springs on their way to Salt Lake City. The one he sang to comfort her during those first, few, difficult weeks upon arriving in Jackson. The one he sang to her while nursing her back to health after Michelle. The one he sang while comforting and holding her after she woke up from her nightmares. It was _his_ song. His song for _her._ This was her first time hearing it accompanied with a guitar and she simply stood there, gazing in awe, on the verge of breaking down into tears, letting the notes and his voice wash over her.

He popped open both eyes and shot her a smile before singing the next verse. She couldn't help but feel her lips stretch into a smile as well, her little frame letting out a small, short and airy laugh.

"Run away, find you a lover  
Go away somewhere all bright and new  
I have seen no other  
Who compares with you"

"You belong among the wildflowers  
You belong in a boat out at sea  
You belong with your love on your arm  
You belong somewhere you feel free"

She couldn't help it, tears began to trickle from her eyelids and down her cheeks. She sniffled and wiped her nose, her eyes and brain only seeing, hearing, understanding the one thing that mattered in this moment. She didn't care that dozens of people, who were now dead silent, were watching her quietly cry as she stood there wonder-struck. She didn't care that they all knew this was being played and sung for no one other than _her._ That amount of attention was scary, foreign and intimidating, but his voice, the guitar - _him -_ made it all seem... _fine. Good_ in fact. Like he always did. Simply listening and watching his fingers strum the guitar, knowing they were responsible for the wonderful sound in her ear drums, was all she could bear to do.

"Run away, go find a lover  
Run away, let your heart be your guide  
You deserve the deepest of cover  
You belong in that home by and by"

"You belong among the wildflowers  
You belong somewhere close to me,"

he sang, shooting her a loving wink as his fingers continued to _perfectly_ pluck the strings of the guitar.

"Far away from your trouble and worry  
You belong somewhere you feel free  
You belong somewhere you feel free"

He played the final set of notes, letting the last one linger and ring throughout the room while smiling back at her, his eyes appearing to be watering, even if only barely.

The crowd cheered, whistled and hollered, but despite the raucous noise, neither of them heard any of it. They were focused elsewhere, each other. And before he could even take a bow then step off the stage, she was already clambering, flailing and frantically climbing her way up, tears rolling down her cheeks, her nose letting loose a flurry of sniffles.

"Joel!" she spouted with a cracking voice before even rising to her feet.

"I'm here - I gotcha baby, c'mere!" he spouted back, extending both arms forward.

She leaped into them, wrapping both legs around his torso and burying her nose into the crook of his neck. He wrapped both arms around her, squeezed her tight and gave her a long kiss to the cheek. The crowd was still cheering, watching each and every one of their movements. Neither cared, nor even cared to pretend to notice.

"Oh _god_ I love you - I love you - I love you," she spouted as she rapidly pecked his hairline with kisses.

"Oh sweetie I love you too - so goddamn much," he said through an airy laugh, digging his nose into her hair as he held her small, wriggling little frame close to him.

She pulled her head away and looked deep into his eyes. There were no words that could describe the amount of paternal love, care and affection that was shooting out of them and she could only give way to a light, tearful, airy laugh of her own. Despite being on a stage, in front of dozens of people, she was calm as could be. She was in her favorite place, the safest place, off the ground and in his arms, the place where no one, nothing could harm her.

"Two-an'-a-half?" he asked with that usual, deep and soothing voice of his.

She shook her head and sniffled.

"Unh-unh. Three outta three," she responded before diving back into the crook of his neck to happily cry.

He gently held the back of her head, just beneath that adorable ponytail of hers and kissed her cheek once again.

"Merry Christmas baby girl," he cooed into her ear.

He couldn't see her face, but he _felt_ the dimples form in her cheeks against the skin of his neck as a massive smile stretched across her wet, tear-covered lips.

"We're gonna be happy here, right?" she muttered from his shoulder, straining to look up at him with those glistening, greenish-blue orbs.

He could barely hear her over the continuous string of whistles, shouts and cheers.

"We sure are... we sure are," he happily responded without hesitation.

"I love you pops - I love you so much Joel - until we're fucking rotting in the ground and probably even after that," she said with a sniffle and another tearful laugh as she lifted her head once again to meet his eyes.

He brushed aside that red, pesky lock of hair behind her ear, like he'd done countless times before, then smiled back as he kissed the bridge of her nose.

"I love you too Ellie, my sweet pea, _always an' forever._ You'll always be my little baby girl, no matter what."

He gave Lare a quick nod, as if to say thank you, as he stepped off of the stage. And she, the little redhead comfortably and happily sitting atop the world in the loving embrace of his arms, refused to peel herself off of him. With her forehead nestled into the crook of his neck once again, she gazed out at the crowd, smiling all teary-eyed and dainty like as they walked through it, both of them eager and ready to retreat to the protective space of _their_ home.

After everything they went through, after everything they did, after suffering through trial after trial, they endured. They survived, together and as _one_ every step of the way since fate forced their two damaged - but not _broken_ \- souls to collide in Boston.

They had a home. They learned to love again. They had each other. And for the rest of their days, they would always have _their_ _purpose._

* * *

 **AN: Well, that's it. It's done, the end. 330,000 words later... I'm not really sure how I feel. I've been living in this alternate reality - writing _a lot -_ since I started my first story back in April. And now... it's all... done. I smiled. I frowned. I laughed. I cried. This has truly been a wonderful experience and I appreciate every single one of you who's taken the time to read my stories. Extra thanks to those who've been with me from the beginning, suffering through my first story where the writing quality was... sub-par. You are all awesome and I cannot tell you how much the positive feedback meant - and still means - to me. **

**It's ridiculous actually, when I look back on my first story, to see how far my writing style and quality has come. Not that it's now perfect by any means, I still have a long way to go, but it's been cool to see it evolve and improve over time through each story. I personally think this one, the third one, is probably my best, but that's just my own, biased opinion. I've debated going back and doing a complete re-write/edit of the first story, but I actually decided against it, because that one is just very, very... raw. And as someone who I've come to know and respect from this site and experience told me, it's a great reminder of how far I've come as a writer, and really, as a person. Funny how unexpected things in life, such as this game, Naughty Dog and all of _this..._ changed me. Crazy how life throws you curve-balls like that sometimes.**

 **The entire premise behind this story came pretty naturally to me. My brain wasn't ready to let go of Joel and Ellie quiet yet upon completing the second one. I felt like I needed to do a whole, new, epic journey for them, where the main, driving force behind it is their co-dependent nature. I wanted to evolve their relationship even more. Even though the second story is this entire, massive buildup to the moment where they say "I love you," there was so much more that could be done for these two. I really wanted to explore Joel sort of coming back to life and becoming a human, loving father again, and Ellie finally getting to experience what it's like - without any apprehension - to just be the child she never got to be. I wanted to explore the concept of... _trust,_ and what that means in the world of TLOU and how cherished and important it is, especially to Ellie, who's been hurt over and over and over again - poor baby girl :(. **

**S** **trangely, the extreme, co-dependent nature between the two was just how _they -_ Joel and Ellie - _wanted_ to be written. I didn't really fight it if that makes any sense... my brain simply followed my gut in how the characters themselves wanted to be written and advanced along. So that's exactly what I did. I just wrote their characters and their character development in the way that I felt they simply _wanted_ to be written, I didn't fight it. Plus, I think I stated this at the end of my second story also, but in my opinion, given the harsh, extremely cruel world they live in, it's only inevitable that they would become so, utterly, ridiculously co-dependent and attached to one another. I mean... each other, _them,_ that's all they have and all they know, nothing else. Ellie is of course petrified of ending up alone, and Joel is petrified of losing another daughter. So the entire situation just sort of mutually feeds off of itself in like a... compounding, snowball effect.**

 **I'm sure some of you caught this, but you will notice that in the middle of the Reno chapter, the "inner monologues" - denoted by italics - stopped entirely for them. You'll notice it only arose again when they split up in Napa and had to spend the evening/night with Lare/Kris respectively. The stoppage of the inner monologues was supposed to signify another step in their relationship. In that they don't hold anything back anymore, that they're totally comfortable with the other and that they can share whatever comes to mind. That was something I tried to build on throughout the story.**

 **Umm... let's see... oh right, I definitely made a few more "hard coded" references to the old world in this story than in the others. But I felt that at some point... Joel mentioning those things would happen eventually. For instance, their conversation about football in the Reno hotel, where Ellie claims being a Patriots fan since she's from Boston, and Joel being a Cowboys fan since he's from Texas, or the reference to the song that Ellie plays for Joel in chapter three, or the song that Joel plays for Ellie in this chapter, right here. Plus, I always enjoy writing dialogue sequences between them where Joel is explaining something from the old world. The parts in the game where he does exactly that with her always made me laugh and smile.**

 **The climactic chapter, Stress-Induced Cardiomyopathy, I had planned for a really, really, really long time and holy crap I couldn't wait to write it. Damn thing was swirling around in my head for months. I knew that's what I wanted to happen, even going back to when I wrote the very first chapter to this story. I thought, hmm... what if Ellie were to die - or come very close to it - because literally of... _heartbreak?_ And then I ran with it. Which was what we building towards throughout the whole story. I wanted the extreme level of attachment to also sort of be a... detriment, in terms of Ellie or Joel being able to survive. It's like a double edged blade... it feeds their soul, it keeps them alive, being with the other is their reason for living, but it also means serious consequences if that bond were to ever break. I think I made it abundantly clear that they basically made, without actually saying it, a suicide pact. One simply cannot fathom living without the other. Like when Joel reaches for his pistol when he's trying to warm Ellie back up while crossing the Sierras. He's not sure if she's gonna make it or not... and if she doesn't, he sure as hell isn't either. Anyway, just my take on these two lovable characters and how I developed them along.**

 **I don't know how many of you are still with me, or how many are even still reading. But I want you all to know I appreciate every single one of you. The feedback has been tremendous, heartwarming, helpful, constructive and great. Thank you all again, you're all awesome.**

 **This is the end of the Their Purpose series. I will not be writing a fourth story, because my brain probably won't let me. This is where I leave Joel and Ellie off. I've established my own, little head-canon, and so I'm going to cling to it for dear life. Because I like it when these two snuggle. Because I like it to think of Ellie soaking up every ounce of affection she can get from Joel. Because I like to think of Joel giving everything he has to make sure his little girl, his Ellie, his safe and happy as can be. After all, her safety and protection, is the overriding factor that takes precedence above all else. Them being happy makes me happy. And so that's that.**

 **I will probably do a few one-shots here and there as they come to me, but for now, this it. Thank you all so much, you've been wonderful and truly kind.**

 **Cheers.**


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